Stella Dimoko Sunday In House Gists With A Difference.


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Sunday, December 25, 2016

Sunday In House Gists With A Difference.

I need to Laugh........
BV Beloved is yet to send in yesterday's winner so we are going ahead with todays and hopefully we will conclude.

Do you think anyone from the Saturday gists won?

A Lot of people contacted me and i am still trying to decide between Gift Adene and Eka Joy to help me with getting the 50k Recharge cards for shoki night.....

Hmmm Todays jokes better be funny cos none made me laugh yesterday.LMAO

The winner gets 1500 naira recharge card and BV Beloved gets 500 as the official counter.


  1. A five year old boy and his grandfather were sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked,

    "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

    The little boy answered no.

    Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer."

    A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.

    The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

    The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not man enough to have a cigar."

    A little later, the little boy came out of the house With a cookie.

    Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"

    The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"

    Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied,

    "Then go fuck yourself."


  2. A Deaf-dumb walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-dumb finally unzips his trouser, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

    The pharmacist unzips his trouser too, does the same as the deaf-dumb, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.

    Exasperated, the deaf-dumb begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

    "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."


  3. Stella choose Eka Joy na. Who be Adene Gift?

  4. Merry Xmas everyone
    I chop yesterday night so tey I pee for house


  5. OMG the baby they're using as Baby Jesus in my church is crying and trying to leave the stage. LOL

  6. This is more of a personal experience than a joke but here it goes i guess ..hope i am not dry oo
    i was

  7. Three guys were gisting at a beer parlour.
    The first guy said when my wife was pregnant she was reading a book; a tale of two cities and she gave birth to twins.

    The second said his wife was reading the three musketeers and she gave birth to triplets.

    The third guy dropped his beer bottle and started running home.
    When they got to his house they saw him burning a book and they asked why.

    He said his wife was reading Ali Baba and the forty thieves and she is pregnant……not in this house ……it can not happen!

    1. LMFAO, dis really cracked me up

  8. One day mum in-law visited her son and her daughter in-law. Unfortunately, she came while the wife was horney and as they were talking the wife suddenly starts acting weird. "I have a strong headache" she claimed. Husband takes her to the bedroom and does the needful. But when he returns after a while, he forgot to zip his trouser. Mum asks, "how is she?" she is fine, I gave her panadol. Mum smiled and told her son "That's good, but please close the Pharmacy".

  9. A Nigerian, an American and a German boarded a plane.

    As the plane was flying over the sea satan came out and said to them:
    “I want you to drop something into the sea, if I find it you die and if I don’t, you live.”

    The American quickly plucked a button from his shirt and threw it into the sea. Satan dived into the sea and came up with the button.
    ”see!” he said, and killed the American.

    The German threw a Pin into the sea, Satan dived and came out with the Pin.
    ”See!” he said and killed the German.

    The Nigerian brought out a pure water sachet, opened it and poured the contents into the sea holding back the sachet, he said to Satan, ”Oya begin find water inside water…Idiot”.
    Even the devil bowed in defeat

  10. Never argue with a woman, just use your brains like this Waffi guy.

    A man went on a night out with his friends the wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him.

    At about 12 midnight the man comes back and knocks…the Wife tells him “Go sleep where you dey come from o!!”

    Judging by her tone of voice that her fury is about to overflow,the man answered “Relax I no com sleep, nah the condoms wey dey on top table for my room I come collect. In fact give them to me. Plenty women dey for the party!”

    The wife opened the door and said,”Where you dey go? Oya Enter o! Come inside the house before I change my mind!”

  11. Merry Christmas stellz, hope you have a wonderful celebration kpom
    Ehen please when is the shoki night? Is it today?, what time?
    Please I can't miss it o, my exmas is already heading north maybe the shoki night go make my day Abeg,
    Shout out to BVs una too much, hope say una no go carry that mouth wey una dey take finish person life for here enter Villa Abeg o


  12. The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, ‘Has anybody got a cock?

    All the men stood up.

    ‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?’

    All the women stood up.

    ‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’ t belong to them?’

    Half the women stood up.

    ‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?’

    Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
    The priest fainted.


  13. Make una dey write make I dey laugh

  14. Dunno if this qualifies as a joke, read it last night was alone in the whole house, it wasn't funny oh then
    Short Horror stories in two sentences or less...
    1. Husband kills his wife while their 5 yr old son was still sleeping.
    The weird thing was that kid didn't ask 4 his mom even 3 days after she went missing.
    Father:" Is there something that you want to ask me ? "
    Kid : "I just wonder, why mom is always standing BEHIND YOU . .
    2. I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.
    3. The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.
    4. In all of the time that I've lived alone in this house, I swear to God I've closed more doors than I've opened.
    5. A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up & started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room & said "I heard that, too."
    6. My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.
    7. I always thought my cat had a staring problem. she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.
    8. There's nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it's 1 a.m. & you're home alone.
    9. I begin tucking him into bed & he tells me, "Daddy, check for monsters under my bed."
    I look underneath for his amusement & see him.. another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, "Daddy, there's somebody on my bed."
    10. You get home, tired after a long day's work & ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there

    Copied from Facebook.

  15. Yoruba people can't correct someone without adding insult as a suffix....
    (1) "do it like this, ode"
    (2) "press the red button, oponu"
    (3) " Hold it for me, didirin
    (4)" You can't greet person, oori enu eee
    (5)" Give it to your broda jor, agbaaya
    (6)" Go nd baff jor, obun
    (7)Go and do your assignment, olodo OSHI
    (8)You better wakeup.. olorun Iya
    (9)U forgot wat I told u just now alakogbagbe!
    (10)So the one u eat is not enough ,Olonje i ya
    (11)Who put your mouth there Saliu elenuu gbooro
    (12) I know you are laffing now...oniyeye
    (13) Shaa forward to others alainise
    i cant laff alone pls join me
    2017 loading...........



  16. Happy birthday to
    Happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday King JESUS,
    Happy birthday to you.

    How old are you now?
    How old are you now?
    How old are you nooo'ooow?
    How old are you now?

    I just feel like wishing you a happy birthday @King Jesus.


  17. OK let me share an experience.

    I remember back in the day at owerri, was still in SS3 and my ex sch mother picked me among other girls to be in her bridal train for for her wedding. #she was in IMSU den.the gown we were to wear was a long gown#long flowing gown, I was the skinnest among the bridal girls and to be honest with you, the gown no fit me, no bress, no ass. I'm just straight like ruler but I didn't send o. It was time to lead the couple in, see me dancing and shaking what I don't have. so one of the men on suit just stepped on my gown and the next thing I saw was myself on the ground. As in, people stopped looking at the dancing couple and started laughing at me. The annoying part was that some people took videos of me with there phones. Choi! the next day, I no hear word for class. See my classmate yabbing me like tomorrow no dey.

    Side eyes to snr Tessy.

  18. Lying on my bed typing this since this Christmas is so dry. Haven't experienced this before and I hope I don't experience this in my life anymore.

    Here's my gist happened during childhood. So we all lived in a very large compound, my family and then neighbors, we were so close that people think everyone is related.
    So my neighbors wife a calabar lady, ah that woman is a kind woman with a beautiful heart, she accepts everyone doesn't discriminate. If you are talking to her about things you are scared, she will tell you do not fear.
    Lol fast forward to one day, then she just had a son covenant, the day we(I, my sis, cousins) heard that name we were suprised oh, that's the first day we heard a child being called that, but now haaa we ain't even suprised cuz my aunt named her son "holiness" Kwakwakwa see name na. But the boy sha e no holy sef. Back to the gist, one day mama covenant or mummy covenant as we normally call her ran to our house without covenant o, shouting help help help, haa we ran out of, saying what is it, my cousin lol the eldest among us asked the problem, she was pointing at their flat and was gasping, oya na Talk, haaa everyone was scared. We all started running towards the house, my mind was thinking fire o, someone now said where is covenant.. Ahh mogbe she started crying that covenant is inside o, see race na. Omo we got there, no smell cha cha, we asked her what the matter was. She said rat, haaa rat that's why you ran she said haaa that she fears rats
    oo. Come see laugh na. My cousin come say you leave your pikin cus of rat haaa what if the rat bites him, she come shout no, God forbid. My cousin wanted to go. Na im she kneel down come dey beg us to kill the rat o. Her hubby traveled then. See beg na. My cousin agreed, everyone go find weapon come gear up. Omo everyone take position o. She come direct us to the rat zone, me I come kukuma go stay close to the door so that incase anything happens I fit fly. Meanwhile covenant was outside with another person. We got to the room (covenant room) I stayed close to the door with mama covenant others dey inside. Oya operation eliminate Mr rat commence, haa when the rat surfaced, haa it was big o, big, me dey draw back jejely with style, I come look my cousin, I knew he was perplexed. Shuu. Ahh the rat now ran towards us.. Phimm mama covenant ran behind me, me sef no dey carry last, I bend down pass in between her legs, come run outside, push her inside well and shut the door, see shout, I come dey hear tump tump shuu, door opened again the rat still dey do 360 with them, I come sight as mama covenant come jump up as the rat come close. Haa she fit win high jump for Olympics. My cousin come vex come call another person as the guy the enter, rat dey come near to am na im he use his leg match the tail, my cousin come rush come give am one K. O like that, dem come dey hail them. Till they packed out, we kept on teasing her. I hope she isn't still scared of them till date sha. Cus I have curbed mine. Don't know where they are staying now but they were really good people.

    That's my gist. Happy Holidays people. Pls remember me make I come chop rice. Na eba I chop today sef. Lol dry Christmas sha

    1. Hnmmm you need to see me run from roaches CHAI!!! I can't even see a dead one and pass. My neighbours don laff me taya.

  19. I want to be the official counter of the jokes..

    Did my joke make you laugh?

  20. 50k shoki???
    Lord may I not miss this.
    Not after I am santa-less.

  21. GIRL: i have sinned; i called my boyfriend a bastard.
    PASTOR: So wat did he do to deserve dat?
    GIRL: He kissed me.
    PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor kissed the girl.
    GIRL: Yes!
    PASTOR: Well, dats no reason to call him a bastard.
    GIRL: But he touched my breast.
    PASTOR: U mean like this? The pastor touched her breast.
    GIRL: Yes!
    PASTOR: Thats no reason to call him a bastard.
    GIRL: But, he took off my clothes and had sex with me!
    PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor took off her clothes and had sex with the girl.
    GIRL: Yes
    PASTOR: Well, thats also no reason to call him a bastard.
    GIRL: Then he told me he has AIDS.
    PASTOR: U are a BASTAAAARD😩😩😩!!! Don't laugh πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒcopied.

  22. Bv Beloved, take ya time oo
    You better do that work well or else we will choose another "counter". Oya send in yesterday's result osiso!
    If you need me to tutor you as the chief counter that I 'is', contact me... You hear?


    I am grooving right here mehn!! Nothing dey happen!!

  23. Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of them had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

    The first guy said, "My Son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration; and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

    The Second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My Son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new get for his birthday."

    The Third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My Son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multi millionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

    The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked:
    "What are the congratulations for?"

    One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"

    The Fourth man replied: "My Son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
    The three friends said: "What a shame... What a disappointment."
    The fourth man replied: No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either.
    His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends!".


  24. Husband: during all the hard times u were by my side. When I lost my job u were here. When my business failed u supported me. When we lost the house u stood by me. When I had health problem u were always here, u know what?

    Wife: yes baby I will be always there for u

    Husband: no I think u bring me bad luck

  25. Laff away your stress Jare.


    A man came back from work at night and heads straight to the bedroom to make love to his wife.
    When done, he went straight to the kitchen to fetch himself a bottle of cold drink only to find his wife there looking for something in the fridge.
    He asked his wife how she quickly made it to the kitchen when they’ve just finished making love.
    His wife said ‘haaa!!! That was my twin sister in the bedroom, she was so tired when she arrived’ I let her sleep in our room.
    Alarmed, she ran to her twin sister and asked her why she didn’t say something when her husband was making love to her.
    Twin sister replied and said: ‘you know your husband and I are not in talking terms’. So i didn’t want to be the one to talk to him first!
    πŸ˜€ egbami ....
    πŸ˜€πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜„πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜€πŸ˜†πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚...merry Christmas....copied

  26. Three tortoises, Mick, Tom and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer and says "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it".

    Mick gets worried, so he turns to Tom and says "Did you bring the Bottle opener?" Naturally Tom didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Tom beg Roy to go back for it.

    But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.

    20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Tom are starving, but
    a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts:

    "I KNEW IT......I'M NOT GOING.

  27. Swear on their tortoise life lmaooo


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