Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Sunday, 22 January 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Sometimes the truth hurts........






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

FRIEND ZONE

Dearest SDK,


Compliments of the Season to you and dear BVs.

I am a huge fan and a regular BV. I must say your blog has been my daily tonic since 2014. I learn so much here.

I met this guy sometime in May 2016. He showed interest in me but I wasn’t into him initially. Asides regular communication, nothing much happened until a few months later when he became more serious in asking me out. Due to past painful experiences, I din’t want to jump into a relationship so I suggested we take some more time to get to know each other better.

After a while, I found that he was a really smart, caring and down to earth guy with a great attitude to life. He motivates me and all. However, I still had doubts about whether I saw a future with him. I was at a point in my life where If I was going to date somebody, then I have to be one hundred percent sure that I’d marry them, if not, then it was a waste of time.

I was honest with him about my feelings and suggested we don’t move forward but this din’t discourage him. He said he prefers it when love grows rather than when sparks fly right from the beginning. I then told him to give me some time to pray about it. I did and prayed that God’s will be done but din’t give him a definite answer just yet.

Along the line, we had some communication issues, which led to minor misunderstandings but we were able to resolve them with conscious effort. We made out a couple of times but never had sex. However, I began to feel convicted and guilty even for this because I’ve always wanted to practice celibacy until marriage. Then, I told him we’d have to stop everything entirely in order to commit our intentions to God and hear from Him clearly. This was the beginning of our main issue.

He didn’t agree and said he could do without sex but definitely not foreplay because some form of physical intimacy is very important to him in a relationship as it makes him feel more connected to his partner. My response was that I understand its importance but I’d place doing things the proper and godly way over that need.

Since we couldn’t reach a compromise on this issue, we decided to part ways and move on. I felt sad because I had grown to like him. After four days, he called saying he had a rethink and realized he loves me and wants me in his life, therefore, he’d ‘wait’ with me. I was happy and took this as a good sign. I accepted and our relationship became official. I expressed concern about how he’d cope while we wait. He admitted it’ll be hard but said I didn’t need to worry and that he’d do some work on his mind.

After a short time, I noticed he was becoming a bit withdrawn. He wouldn’t plan for us to see. We’d just talk and chat on Watsapp mostly. His reason was that whenever he asked me to come over to his place, I’d give excuses. He always wanted me to come and sleep over at his place including weeknights.



 I let him know that our dates don’t have to be restricted to his place as we could find other activities to do together on weekends. Asides the fact that I still live at my family house, I get off a bit late from work and have neither the time nor energy to drive all the way to his place at night. Despite this, I still slept over a few times on weekends.

One Saturday, I invited him out to an event with me. He said he couldn’t go because he was expecting someone. On further enquiry, he told me he invited a female friend of his to come cook for him and help him out with some kitchen stuff. I felt uneasy about this but I acted cool because I din’t want to appear jealous nor restrictive. I asked who she was and why he din’t ask me to help him instead. He swore that the girl was just a friend whom he had nothing to do with.

I went over to his place to see what exactly was going on. I got to his house and met the girl in the sitting room with her hairnet on and him coming out of the shower with a towel on his waist. The whole scenery got me very upset that I picked all the stuff I had at his place and stormed out. He din’t come after me so I just ignored his calls afterwards coz I found his behaviour to be very inappropriate and disrespectful.

The following day, I called and told him I was coming over to see and talk about what happened. I got to his place and met the girl still there. Angered by this and coupled with all the other issues we’d been having, I broke up with him. He pleaded with the explanation that I was acting paranoid and jumping to conclusions and maintained he had nothing to do with the girl. He even offered to call her into our discussions to prove that. I believed him.



We reconciled in the same week of this incident. The following Friday after work, I chatted him up to know where he was so we could meet up. He told me he had gone to visit another female friend of his and acted cool and calm about it even when he noticed I wasn’t too pleased by that. I ended the chat by telling him to enjoy his visit, and he said ‘Okay, good night’. We had a quarrel after this over what I perceived to be his inability to keep boundaries in the relationship and his insensitivity to my feelings.


 He accused me of acting rash and quick tempered; having trust issues and also, having no sense of ownership even when I come over to his place.

I’d admit I do have trust issues due to being hurt in the past and I can get a bit vocal when I feel cornered in any way. I just know that trust and honesty are values that I cherish in relationships and I bring that to the table as well.

I told him it was unfair of him to expect me to come sleep over and act like a wife around his house when he was yet to propose to me while he said he won’t even think of proposing until he sees wifely qualities in me. I reminded him of the fact that doing wifely duties will not be my problem in marriage plus he din’t have much money-wise yet I chose to wait for him and never made demands of things he couldn’t provide at the moment.

After tempers had cooled, we apologized to each other and agreed to find a way to move forward. Then, he told me he could overlook all the things that I refuse to do in the relationship but he could not wait any longer regarding the no physical intimacy part therefore, we should remain just friends. I asked him why he then came back to waste my time after I had opened my heart to him based on that.

He wants us to keep our friendship and continue to communicate but I’m just not in that frame of mind yet. I wondered why it was difficult for him to keep to his word to wait since he claims to love me so much. Also, I discovered later on that the girl he had invited to his place was his ex-girlfriend. This made me feel more angry and disappointed with him.

I’m moved to cut him off entirely but I value him a lot as a friend so I’m trying very hard to stay mature and not ruin everything in the process. Am I overreacting in all of this? How do I handle this situation?




146 comments:

Quiksilver said...

Me sef I don't know. Let me look for who to ask how you will handle it.
Brb

Doppelgänger said...

Who the girl is or was is inconsequential at the moment because I'm sure you knew all along she wasn't just a friend as he claimed.
Cut all communications with him for now till you heal else you'd find yourself going to his place to give him the booty that he wants.
A man who will wait for you from the onset will do so without making it look like work.
Always make sure you also make it known to any man that you want to wait till marriage and ask him if he can't or can't before you start to date.
You'd be fine.

Becky Divine said...

Since he couldn't wait with you...forget him! He is not the right man for you

Kindly delete all his contacts from your list and face your work! Have patience okay
The right man will locate you at the right time

STARRY LARRY said...

You're a very selfish being, why do you want to eat your cake and have it? He agreed to no sex but @least romance should be there. You're not matured enough for relationship, so you need to grow up asap, abeg how old are you sef? Free the man and face your life




*Larry was here*

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(CHIEF) said...

Imagine?.,,
Just imagine wetin dey hungry this your brokeass boyfriend!...
Aya cha ndi ji ego,abia yaa ndi owuite...
Poster.biko run oh!...afterall you don't gain anything from the relationship!...
Dude adiro serious!...
He want a free ortu!...that's why he used I go marry!...
Oriegwu oh!...

code009 said...

You need to move on, he isn't displaying the right attitude for a serious relationship. These female friends around him makes his way unpure .his way no pure I beg make I speak waffy English

Fan Emmanuel said...

I think your reason for no sex before marriage is not genuine,that's why your being in a haste.
Why not be your self and let him see that your not desperate and decide if he want to do the right thing with you. Sister calm down,you're rushing the poor guy.

Franglais said...

How old are you sef? Dat guy just wan ja e l'ole obo ni o. Jibiti obo

Anonymous said...

Moo moo.

peace maker said...

Madam. I would hv supported u hording ur Toto from a person u plan to marry if u r a Virgin ie man preek never enter inside ur Toto.

Anonymous said...

Don't be his friend, don't be his anything. Let him go.

Highness Gwen said...

God has a man by the corner waiting for u girl...not all relationships must lead to marriage.pick up the pieces and move on.

peace maker said...

U guys should call it quit.There is no love, peace and harmony in ur relationship. U guys argue and quarrel a lot.No compatibility.

Highness Gwen said...

if he desires friendship, give it to him girl.be the bigger person.a man that ll love u ll love u

Mrs.R SDK blog Official BFF said...

If you want to cut him off, do already! Don't friend zone him; you might want to go back to him due to the facts that you have feelings for him.

You never really had a relationship with him, I think you both quarelled more than you had fun.

The guy can't be trusted, a guy with too much female friends can never be trusted (the reason am against friendship with the opposite sex). He want sex, and if he can't get it from you, he'll definitely seek for it from his numerous female buddy.

Please, let him go, give yourself sometimes and the right person will come around.

peace maker said...

I don't think d guy is rich and generous. That's why d relationship is doing u two mind.

GOONs Mi said...

You need a lot of growing up to do*smh

HeartBreaker said...

Poster, let him go! Let this friendship/relationship go.

You are going to adjust every area of your life just to suit this guy! Not Worth it please..

He never loved you.

Monkeynofine said...

Another celibacy wahala. Why do some ladies hate hearing the truth? Move on bikonu

charitybino said...

Cut all ties.
I need a job before Nysc first batch My location is Ikorodu

peace maker said...

Why should u even accept to date a guy u don't love in d first place?


I guess other men u gave ur something to gbensh are better than him and u love them more than him.

Chidinma Grace said...

An ex in d house? Hmmmmm he is definitely having sex with her since u cant help him. But dear don't allow a man cajole u into doing what u aren't comfortable with.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Errr. ..... just go quiet on that dude. When a guy is acting like a f**K boy you ignore him 100%. Don't even reply his next text.

Dude is now using issues that won't have been if you were having sex to cause trouble

Iya Oshoronga of Blogosphere said...

Ah! Aiye mi oooooo!!! In my younger days no guy dares try this crap with me. I will cut you off immediately. Poster u are such a mumu. This guy is having sex and enjoying himself right under your nose. You are the one doing celibacy. I am so mad at you right now if you were my younger sis i would shake you so hard your brain will reset. Why are all you young ladies so dull and slow these days. The writing is on the wall and you are asking blog visitors questions. Oju e ti fo.

MISS TRUTH said...

Madam you see this celibate thing ehn, not everybody can do it. He is "ducking" the girl you met in his house. Once you have tasted sex it it difficult to stay without it ( especially men ) Is he a virgin? NOPE so please move on and let mr man enjoy himself abeg.

MISS TRUTH said...

You can't force a full blooded man not to "do". if you no wan "do" move on.

Fab Mum said...

Cut off from him. He thought he could handle it but he couldn't. It was your decision to be celibate not his. So if he can't cope with your celibacy. He isn't the right one for you.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Errr. ..... just go quiet on that dude. When a guy is acting like a f**K boy you ignore him 100%. Don't even reply his next text.

Dude is now using issues - that won't have been if you were having sex to cause trouble and really if he had an issue with your attitude or whatever he should have started complaining since. Not now that you've not been touchable. See?? Trust me he's just trying to pressure you into sleeping with him. And with all these issues there's no guarantee that if you do he will stay. He will tell you that there's been too much water under the bridge.

And if you are so hot tempered and say things you regret, next time just walk away and sit somewhere quiet for like an hour before you say anything. Stop exchanging horrible words when upset. It's unhealthy for ANY kind of relationship.

Good luck!!

Mama tee said...

He doesn't feel the need to be committed to u cos there is no intimacy. He told you he couldn't do without intimacy. You still tried to make him be in merman mode like u. It won't work. Two have to agree to walk together. He cannot and won't be in an exclusive relationship with you cos he wants intimacy. Let go and find someone who is team mermaid like u.

Anonymous said...

But u know this guy doesnt love u Sha?u are dating ursef!he desrespects u yet u want to die there issokey kwantinue!

Anonymous said...

hold on to your choice and try getting busy so you won't have time to think about him.

Mama tee said...

And poster pls, he is not ur friend. U cannot value someone who didn't value ur relationship as a friend. U r acting like having him around will make u heal faster. It reeks of desperation. Let him go and make friends with his edible caterings. After all u were not comfortable having his friend come over to cook for him. Why will his gf be comfortable having u as his friend? What do I even know?

Empress CHO said...

Cut him off completely.
Everything is old fashioned format.
Grow an itch for a girl, draw yourself into her life, shower her attention, get her basically interested, pull out your sex card in a daring manner, dangle your option with an attitude that says girlie...make this by having sex with me, keep my attention with this faux connection, get that hope popping for the ring OR break it by refusing me sex, then i shift attention or go find someone to satisfy that itch but then it would be your fault. Coz i was yours for the taking all the while and you messed it up "Celebating" you. Now whether you choose to make or break it, you still will be played if it's not meant to be. It was all about the SEX.

Truth is, A decent and deeply responsible guy, not necessary a God lover will NEVER put you in that position. Now you prayed for God's will to be done, are you terrified by the obvious answer in front of you?
You are not overreacting at all, let him go.
That guy has shown you enough of his "good", sweet and husband material-ish side, his recent cold, driftish and unavailable attitude puts you in a very vulnerable position... that position that inspires books titled "On Becoming".

You may find yourself soon longing for all of that "warmth" he offered earlier...that is, the relationship. But this time, it would come with the price of compromising and giving him undue power over you and control over the relationship.
You don't need that in your life please.
Secodly, he has stepped ou, he is not obligated to not do such, seeing he is not married to you. But, he stepped out with you in the loop and you were very aware of such. Overthinking your reaction and going back to him implies you sort of condone such. Plus you have already been demystified in his eyes.
He will be back in a relationship with him knowing that depriving you of attention and flirting or giving the impression of flirting is the ultimate mumu button for you. You really do not want to do this, trust me.

Pack your beautiful self and your intact dignity and leave this crazy circle. Keeping him close will mess up your equilibrium, and when you fall in, you will do crazy things to keep it and lose yourself completely.
This guy is just a skilled demon whose patient stretched out. Don't play yourself, you have no experience to deal with his kind...you will never be enough for him.
The friendship he ofers is just a bait!
Go back and thank God for delivering you and to bring your own hubby. Drama filled relationship is not of God and pre-marital sex even with your ordained husband gives the devil a clear entrance to mess things up in marriage.
Do not become bitter coz of this episode, that amazing guy waiting around to locate you needs you to be you, a decent, clearheaded, honest, fiercely loyal, Godfearing, beautiful, hardworking lady i'm sure you are.
Take CARE of yourself okay.

Jennah said...

Dear poster let the guy go. If possible seek for the kind of friendship you need from him else where. You will keep feeling sad by this guy. Just let him go, I know it's not easy but it's the right thing to do.

marriedchick said...

this one strong oo... I will read comments

beeolah said...

Hmmmmm

young FOREVER said...

He has friend zoned u. And he is being truthful.he is still gbenshing his ex. You were sharp enough to decode and ask qstns when you feel cheated on. Don't overwork itself. My advice is to try and cut him off completely .you will continuously be hurt if you keep him as a friend and sees him with other girls.

A man that will value you is in the way except you are ready to give him the cookie.

Ed said...

I think this guy can't do without sex or its related. Since you didn't want any of those,he decided to get it elsewhere. Bear it in mind that for him to be inviting ladies over to his place and visiting ladies are all signs God is showing you not to ignore but you aren't getting it. Its better you forget bout him and look out for a guy that would agree to your terms of celibacy. Also he expects you to start fighting d girls you see in his house to show ownership when he hasn't even wifed you,my dear R.U.N!

HoniMumi said...

No you are not over reacting.. Move on and don't even receive his calls. He is just a big time player

Chysugar said...

NNE,move on!!
That guy is a player..dude wants free sex,free kitchen assistant, free laundry woman and free yam pounder..lol
He is not ready for marriage,not now,tomorrow or this year..He is a time waster...You shldnt have called him again sef..He realized u love him and he is using that against u...
Move on ooooo or else he will hurt u over and over again...
Love doesn't have to be this difficult,u don't have to fight too hard for what is yours...

Anonymous said...

Dis story is so annoying....please just forget dis man...God has given u enuf sign dat he isn't urs..how can he bring anoda woman (ex to be precise) nd u stil kip putyn ur mind on him...d guy is too senseless nd u beta go pray for a good man to come...

oghenejabor obi said...

Stella abeg dis chronicle too long and I no blv say I read am finish.
Now back to d poster, u sure say u well? U no gree go him house anoda person go go cook and do oda things u dey complain. C a man dat will stay with u and wife will do it whether u give him sex or not, what of if he fakes waiting and den finally gets d cookies and abandons u?
Abeg stay for d friend zone and shut up and don't ever send such long chronicle in again mtscheeew.

Oluyomi Odukoya said...

Dear poster, please what are you still doing with this man? A man who places more value on sex isn't a man abeg. Agreed we have emotions flowing through our veins, but if your man cannot practice self Contrl now, is it when you are indisposed he would practice it? That guy only wants to sleep with you, hence his invitation to bringing girls into his home. Its all psychology and the moment you agree to sleep with him, he would drop you like a rag. You deserve a real man who knows relationships aren't just for sex. Please, move on and leave this immature man alone. You deserve better.

Iyke Emma said...

No relationship without intimacy works... Unless the man's dick is inactive. Virgins can work small.

Anonymous said...

You can't eat your cake and have it. The guy is being honest with you. You can't give him what he wants, just move on to someone who will be willing to give in to your demands. For me its better a guy is honest than the one that will pretend to your face and do the worst behind you.

Elastic said...

Stella red ink has gone AWOL....

Poster you would have allowed the making out without sex to continue since it ignited so much attention from the guy. It's hard to see a guy stay off sex in a relationship, personally I can't practice a no-sex relationship, doesn't work for me.

I'll advice you to give the guy space, he is just pulling all these stunts to send a signal to you that he can't stay without touchy touchy. Ignore him intoto and he will come back to you but ensure he is ready and willing to take the relationship to the next level when he comes back...

#DontQuoteMe

Anonymous said...

Girl, that guy wants to fuck!!... That's what he is all'bout. You are already even sounding desperate, relax!!! I mean, why on earth would u call to tell him u wanna come over to his house to discuss what happened after he was caught with another girl (his ex) in his house who obviously slept over ,like seriously u shouldn't have called. He is even cool with u being friends with him as long as u do not want to give him the cookie, that says a whole lot and with the way u sounding, it seems u will "spread your legs " pretty soon....hmmm, my dear the mermaid thingy ain't enough, use a padlock to lock up your feet after twisting your legs cos the BROKE DOG doesn't deserve u, he doesn't even give a PHUCK 'bout u so don't sweat it . Take your mind off the relationship thing a bit and be prayerful, when the right man comes , there will be No Stress cos everything will just fall in place..... like Magic.

Anonymous said...

Girl, that guy wants to fuck!!... That's what he is all'bout. You are already even sounding desperate, relax!!! I mean, why on earth would u call to tell him u wanna come over to his house to discuss what happened after he was caught with another girl (his ex) in his house who obviously slept over ,like seriously u shouldn't have called. He is even cool with u being friends with him as long as u do not want to give him the cookie, that says a whole lot and with the way u sounding, it seems u will "spread your legs " pretty soon....hmmm, my dear the mermaid thingy ain't enough, use a padlock to lock up your feet after twisting your legs cos the BROKE DOG doesn't deserve u, he doesn't even give a PHUCK 'bout u so don't sweat it . Take your mind off the relationship thing a bit and be prayerful, when the right man comes , there will be No Stress cos everything will just fall in place..... like Magic.

Arsenal Firstlady said...

Sweetheart you're not overreacting.I face such things 2. I cherish honestly and trust in my relationship. Hold on to your principles, God will bless you with someone who will cherish you. Don't mind that yeye guy, he's not ready for marriage. He wanted to toy with you.

Intelligentsia princess said...

Madam let the guy go..
He doesn't dig your celibacy ideology so free him.
What is yours, will not give you high Bp before becoming yours.
Pele,I know its ain't easy but you can do all things through Christ.
Continue closing that leg,who will wait is on his way..

Miyake said...

I think you are already handling the situation well as an adult. Your running here for public opinion poll just makes you as dumb as a puppet. The only time an adult is allowed to bring in Chronicles here should be after doing the deed of their choosen then maybe after it might have probably backfired, lol, not seeking validation.

Anonymous said...

Babe, in this day and age, eye don too tear pass to maintain relationship along this your pattern. If the 'waiting' is not a mutual personal conviction and decision on both sides, forget it. The party doing the waiting because the other party wants it will ALWAYS be finding a way to meet their needs through the back door. Relationship is both mutual understanding, compatibility and sacrifices all rolled in one, but here it seems you both are on two different frequencies. I believe the guy saw a quality in you that made him think, decide and convince himself that he could wait it out, but it like his animalistic desire is stronger than his decision to try. If the relationship is valuable to you and you want to keep it, you will have to take it to the next level with sexual intimacy. But if you feel your conscience would not let you, END IT. Go find someone who also wants to wait based on his own personal reasons, not because you want him to and let him too go find someone who doesn't mind steady knacking because she's cool with it and not because he wants her to. Chikena. Aye ole!

Anonymous said...

This story is like being on a merry go round!*feeling dizzy*

Spidex said...

Hmm speechless

Anonymous said...

Cut him off and move on with your life.He wants to eat his cake and have it. Don't be that person.

BluntChic (Ijebu/Ibibio blood) said...

Your problem is much. But the good news is, I have the perfect solution for it.

Here it is.....
Go out alone tonight (to a club maybe) dance, drink and 'if' possible fuck a random dick(use condom please).

You were trying to make him commit to something he wasn't ready for. At first you allowed him access to 'touchy toucho', later you decided to cut him off it completely and you expect him not to go get joy from someone else?... Common sister stoopeet!

If you are on a 'spiritual' journey, do it alone. He wants to get laid and you ain't ready to drop the couchie,so bye Veronica!

#forgive me if you are 'defended'

laurine said...

And why dint Stella comment???heheh the story self gave Stella headache or made her dizzy on a Sunday afternoon after church and cooking or outing with her boiz

Na Me Talk Am!!! said...

No he won't. Poster will still be the one to cry to him and them go fuck last last

St.FranKooL.... said...

Sister Maria, you're in the middle of nowhere and in a state of limbo. Close that door completely, for another door to open. If you don't, you'll remain in limbo......just move on.

SON OF SOLOMON said...

My sister, that guy just wan chop and clean mouth even from onset, his plan was to use style to slide in when the romancing hit its peak and blame it on devil, then okafor-law would implements...what am I even saying, can I make common sense in matter like this...?

Anonymous said...

Feeling dizzy with u ooo...lol

SON OF SOLOMON said...

My sister, that guy just wan chop and clean mouth even from onset, his plan was to use style to slide in when the romancing hit its peak and blame it on devil, then okafor-law would implements...what am I even saying, can I make common sense in matter like this...?

Toyin Balogun said...

MY DEAR, LET HIM GO. GOD IS FAITHFUL. SINCE YOU ARE DOING IT THE GOD WAY, HE WILL SEND YOU A GODLY MAN THAT WILL SURPASS YOUR EXPECTATION IN REGARDS TO THE QUALITIES YOU LOOK OUT FOR IN A MAN. TOO BAD HE WASTED YOUR TIME. GOD WILL RESTORE ALL YOUR WASTED YEARS THAT WHEN HE EVENTUALLY COME, IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT. I ALSO PRAY FOR THIS FOR MYSELF IN JESUS NAME

DonMayor �� said...

I swear I will do exactly the same thing to you if I found myself in such situation you painted.

I dislike women like you. Do you no do, go you no wan go. You no wan enter, you still dey block road for others.
Abeg gerrout !

DonMayor �� said...

Tell her the truth, she sef get issue.

Anonymous said...

Gbam, he can't cope. He's probably used to his girlfriend coming over to cook, spend the night and all. My dear he probably likes you but he can't do the whole no sex thing. If you know you can't give it to him, please move on. It's difficult for a man to take you serious on the whole celibacy thing when you're no longer a virgin. I'm not trying to discourage you but it's going to be difficult to handle a relationship with your rules except you meet someone who shares the same mindset as yours. My dear rules kill relationship faster than cancer. A relationship is supposed to be fun and driven not ladened with plenty rules and regulations. It gets boring after a while. If you like pretend to be a mermaid or if you like sleep with a man before marriage. If he wants to cheat he will cheat.

first Lady said...

But seriously when will most Nigerian girls just enjoy relationship and stop making it look like it's all about marriage? U acted too desperate from d on set . You would have friend zone him since before he said it first but all u had in mind was getting d ring. You don't talk or force a guy to propose when u know he is not financially stable.

Tilly said...

Poster u were slow with reading the signs. He acted withdrawn,u met a lady at his place. U stormed out and he didn't go after you. You were the one that ended up calling him to talk about it. He invites another lady to help out not you. Read the writing on the wall.

Na Me Talk Am!!! said...

The poster herself cannot practice self control why expect it from the guy? He honestly told her what he wants, it's up to her to remain friends or walk. I personally find that insulting though. It's not all guys that can handle a sexless relationship so saying he's all about sex and will walk the moment he gets it just sounds somehow. Most happily married women cooked for and fucked their husbands before marriage so kini big deal? Don't you even want to know if he's endowed or can do the do The way you like it? A man that really wants to sleep with you, will propose to you (since you attach so much importance to it), sleep With you and still dump you! There's no manual to a happy marriage so make up your mind on what you want and stick to it!!

Anonymous said...

Not really. I think she's desperate, and he knows it. They barely have their footing in the relationship and she's already racing towards marriage. It's a turn-off, especially as it seems he perceived her to be laid back and easy going. Another thing is sex in relationships is a two-way thing. It's enjoyed by both parties and not done out of obligation. Hence her reference to not having problems with "wifey duties" in marriage. Of course waiting till marriage is a personal choice but I think she thought she could keep stringing him along with the promise of sex in marriage and our guy reasoned 1+1= free booty without commitment with his ex/female friends. All the signs were there, he was waiting for her to be the one to breakup. A lot of men don't know how to handle sexual frustration, especially if they've been very sexually active in previous relationships. Just let him go. Don't even waste another minute thinking about him. We've all been heartbroken baby girl. In fact I thought the most recent one will end my life. It hurt me soooo much. But I learnt to stop projecting my hurt unto future partners and just be neutral, go with the flow etc.

Candice said...

Mehn! So long a story. When you start having this type of relationship, follow queen's advice. Never place all eggs in one basket. Obviously your Bobo didn't. Now you're the one losing. You met a girl in hairnet at his place and you forgave him? Girl you need your ass whooped. Nigga has been on a wild fucking spree

Anonymous said...

Mtcheeeeew... Rubbish write-up.

Anonymous said...

Poster you want us to encourage you to go and have sex with him, so that if things don't work out tomorrow you'll say SDK Bvs advised me to.
You sound like the only thing you have to offer in a relationship is sex. My dear celibacy is not virginity. Sex this, sex that. Celibacy doesn't guarantee a good marriage. The only reason you're not willing to do it is because you're scared he'll see you as a cheap girl or dump you after it and not for religious reasons.
If you want to practice celibacy, find a man that is willing to wait with you and stop imposing your celibacy on the current guy, leave your boo to find babes that'll give him sex and cook for him.

Anonymous said...

Gbam!!!!

He will fuck you and dumb you, also why you getting emotional when he said he is visiting female friends you too tell him you are visiting male friends simple

Serenity said...

Am so inlove with you....you get real sense.....thank you

Anonymous said...

You both want different things. Doesn't that show it won't work out? So why are you forcing it? Look for someone who sees things from your point of view....Do shove ur likes down someone's throat. I don't think it's advice able to be friends with him,considering how things ended.

Na Me Talk Am!!! said...

Welcome back

Weed Chic said...

Babe, her wearing hair net means she slept over. Don't be a mumu. He is over-cheating on you. Use your brain

Anonymous said...

Cut him off and no, you are not overeacting unless the girl is his sister which clearly she isn't!

If you accept this now be prepared to accept it in marriage!

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

What I saw in this narrative is that you negotiated no sex with him. So why are you crying seeing another girl.

You refused sex he has gotten it from someone. So lick your wound well

DonMayor �� said...

You dey mind her.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Thanks so much Empress

violet ani said...

I super love this comment.muahhhh

The Lifted said...

dude isn't getting wat he wants from u so he's getting from the other girl...u don't need him in ur life biko, move on except u wanna give him d cookie which won't guaranty marriage @last..he's already misbehaving, move on

Anonymous said...

Where were all these females friends @ the initial stage of your situationship? Why is he rubbing them in your face? Because you refused to give him the cookie and he knows you'll fall for his tricks. He's trying to make you jealous so you can succumb. Pls don't fall for his trick. Its too obvious. After cutting you off for a couple of days because you refused intimacy, he came back with a new strategy. Rubbing women in your face so you'll fall. Run far from him. See strategies. His type of person can rape you if care is not taken

brownsugar said...

The writing is boldly written on the wall but she still needs recommended glasses to see it clearly

brownsugar said...

You said my mind chikito

Eegor said...

Wow!! The clarity👏👏👏

brownsugar said...

Chop kiss dear empress
Poster, pls copy and paste this advice on your phone. Read and digest every single day. Your life will be so much better with this healthy dose of advice from empress

brownsugar said...

Another good advice

brownsugar said...

He's using an old trick men use to get women to sleep with them.

brownsugar said...

True

Anonymous said...

Fan Emmanuel didn't you read where she said the guy is not financially buoyant. The only reason you don't want to have sex with him is cos you feel he's not rich enough. Poster carry your fakeness and go.

Anonymous said...

You are very stupid . You and violet

The Lifted said...

this peacemaker sef.

Pipi Lee said...

EmpressCHO!!!!

Pipi Lee said...

Lol

viva ciara said...

Thank you Fab Mum
The decision to be celibate is entirely yours, you can't force it on a 70kg man.
If you can continue, move on till you find who matches your decision.
Forget being friends, you will be so devastated you will wanna dash him the thing you have been using to cause trouble.

Anonymous said...

Mrs Romas u are absolutely correct! D guy can not be trusted! Poster let dat guy go!his not ur husband! God Wld provide ur Godgiven husband dat wld not bother u for sex until u both properly married! Sex is not d ultimate in a relationship! Keep been Celibate! Ds year wd be my second year hv been celibate and ve not died! Close ur legs to dis Urchins and see how God Wld Honour U! Just Pray and Watch God give u ur own husband ok? Cheers!

OLORI said...

The guy is just a fcuk boy that the only thing he wants from you is just sex..just cut him off don't be friends with him sef. Your own man will locate you with or without sex!

Mao Akuh said...

He wants to sleep with you then dump you, so leave him fast.

Cookiesandcream said...

Thank you Empress Cho

Cookiesandcream said...

Hahaha @Na Me Talk Am...

Anonymous said...

Pls kip qwayet...That is how your i too know will put you in trouble.

Anonymous said...

You girl started the "sleeping over first", without your bride price being paid. What a shame!

Shyla said...

This is what happens when we pray for God's will to happen. Will you be able to discern and understand that its His will? Be wise. Empress CHQ has analysed it up there.

Anonymous said...

Cut him off. Freeze him out and learn to love yourself again. No friend of yours will lie to your face, cheat on you and then blame you for it knowing what he does about your past heartbreak. He is just trying to eat his cake and have it. What is the point of having someone like that in your life? So you can be reminded daily how he hurt you?

Girl you are strong and you deserve a man that knows what he wants. Not any much that keeps going back to eat his vomit.

Anonymous said...

Lmao! Poster so you're coming under Anon to insult everyone who doesn't quite agree with you! No wonder he dumped you! Bad character, sooomuvh desperation! God saved him from a life of malice and attitude! Serves you right! Ode! You better start straffing these men because it looks like you have nothing else to offer.

Anonymous said...

It is sad but your closing your punani revealed his true intentions which was to gbensh you for free, which may not have resulted in marriage. Move on happily my dear, the best is yet to come.

Cookiesandcream said...

Please explain what you mean by growing up

bumblebee said...

Enter your comment...my dear girl,he isn't ready to be celebate just like u wanted and so he went for another girl.why not focus on what u want and leave him already.

Anonymous said...

Amen thanks dear. Wish you same too.

Anonymous said...

Amen thanks dear. Wish you same too.

ibrahim mariam said...

True

Pinochiodee said...

You are not overreacting. God is your strength!

Yemi7up said...

If she allowed the romance to go on as the guy wanted she might end up having sex with him which she doesn't want, our body is the temple of the lord, not every single girl has forgotten this.

Anonymous said...

Me too. June this yr will be my 2nd yr of celibacy and am enjoying it. It makes you see men for whom they really are, and you can easily let go of anone that is a time waster, and also you can say your mind any time any day (not insulting the guyooo) without having the fear of loosing in the r/ship

Yemi7up said...

Linda I agree with you, she should run fast. Not even friend zoning him but for now block him out of her life so that she could forget him.

HummingBird said...

Chei Larry but why. She doesn't deserve this at all

HummingBird said...

Poster that guy doesn't want a commitment yet. Just let him go. If he succeeds in having carnal knowledge of you he will still leave you. He is not the right man for yoy

Anonymous said...

Lmfaooooo

Anonymous said...

There is something with this celibacy in a relationship that I am not understanding. If you are celibate as a virgin, that is understandable, but if you are doing it as a secondary virgin, then it becomes comatose. Every of our actions have consequences which we must be ready to face. If you had sex earlier on, and now wants a celibate relationship, the consequence is that you now have a limited array of prospects to choose from, as not everybody will buy into such relationships, so babe you have to deal with it, and not blame the guy. Thats my two cents

Poster said...

Thank God for this blog. Reading and learning. Some people can assume sha. Some assumptions just made me laugh outright. And I never posted any insulting or dissenting reply.
Thanks BVs. Thanks Stella. Really appreciate all your helpful advice.
Most comments coincide with what I've been thinking but I respect each opinion.
Thanks again guys for taking the time to read my long story and leaving advice. God bless you all.


She-who-must-not-be-named said...

Chikito is 100% right. When a guy messes up just ignore him totally. Pretend that he doesn't exist. The nigga will start to ask himself some serious questions by force trust me

Ronalda. said...

Sweetie, be honest with yourself, if you were a guy, would you date you? You make it seem like you had no fault in this and he is to blame for the breakdown of your relationship. Let's review this analytically. You guys met in May 2016, he was really feeling you but you weren't into him. Some months later, he asked you out but you didn't want to rush things because of your past relationship(s). You told him you guys should know each other better first. That makes it the 2nd time you've made him feel rejected. Don't get me wrong, you have the right to date or not to date any guy asking you out, but I want you to know that guys have fragile egos too. I guess he stuck around because he really liked you.

Darling, you kept this guy swinging from tree to tree like a monkey while you kept giving 1 excuse after the other. When you were ready to date him, you told him no premarital sex and he agreed. Then you stopped making out with him you felt it was wrong, in spite of his desire for some type of intimacy ‎and how important intimacy is to him. Now my question to you is, what were you investing in the relationship for him to connect with you emotionally? You don't have to sleep with a guy but if you're going to deprive him of all physical pleasures, you have to be creative and keep his other senses stimulated. You must water the seeds of affection for love to grow.‎

Do you make random calls to check on him and let him know how much you care? Do you send him romantic messages boosting his ego and making him restless till he sees you?  Do you plan outings specially for both of you? Cinema, ice cream dates, window shopping, even church activities. Do you give him surprise gifts? Nothing expensive, just a gesture, it could even be airtime. He doesn't have to be the one buying you airtime every time, surprise him buy reciprocating the gesture. Do you cook and take over to him without him asking, just to make him happy? He kept compromising to please you, what did you compromise for him? If you really want a guy you have been rejecting, you have to step up,be fun and unpredictable or bow out.

Ronalda. said...

‎I'm sorry my love but you haven't been the best "wife material" to expect him to propose to you just because both of you are dating. I'm not saying he would have proposed if you did all you were supposed to do but if you had, at least you would know you played your part as best you could. During courtship, a lot of men have many ladies around them, they choose "the one" because she stands out. I can't believe you went over to his house and started acting up because you met‎ another lady there. Ladies will always flock around men, it takes a Queen to act dignified when faced with such, especially as you decided to pay him an unannounced visit. I don't think he is as bad as you make him, the problem is more of incompatibility. You allowed yourself fall for him while giving him the impression he means little to you, yet you expect him to propose to you in less than 6 months, most of which he suffered rejection from you? Naaah honey, it doesn't work like that. Let him go, be patient, the guy who can cope with your rules and regulations will come around. Just because it didn't work out for both of you doesn't mean he is a bad guy. Some "lucky" ladies act all bitchy and still get the men they want. So there are no hard and fast rules but it's better to give your relationship the best and let the chips fall where they may.  

There's a period to sit back and allow a guy chase you. You apply the carrot dangling method. You flirt with him a little bit and give him a preview of what being your man will feel like then you gently pull away. Not in an annoying way, not ignoring calls and messages, that may put him off because guys don't like such games. You remain sweet and alluring but with unspoken words, you let him know he has to earn your affection, be intriguing. 

When you "officially" agree to date a guy, ‎gradually do things to blow his mind, you can keep your thighs closed and still make him desire you. You don't need to take your clothes off to be romantic. There's a delicate balance which should be maintained. If sex isn't off the table, you have to tone down stuff like those I suggested, so you don't give too much too soon. You invest in him emotionally, not according to how much you love him but by how much he shows affection. However, if you're team "no premarital sex", which is actually the better way to date, you have to compensate for the lack of physical intimacy.

DISCLAIMER alert! This may not stop him from cheating but it will definitely keep him running back to you and wanting you for keeps. Should the relationship not work out, you will be consoled by the fact that you played your part. 
#e-bearhugs.‎

Happyheart said...

Let him go. He is not worth it. Good luck with healing and finding love again.

virus detected said...

Afi "dumb" you.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

@She that thing works for me oh. Just ignore. See no time oh abeg. When ive not gOtten my range yet? Hian!

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

You saw a girl in his house? Ahn ahn. Weigh her level so you can use it to abuse him later. Look at her skin, hairline, handbag, slippers or shoes, wristwatch. Just weigh her very well. what car did she park outside. She enter bus or cab? Okay. ask her what she does for a living if you can. Full name sef. You will find soemthing to hinge on to. Tell her he's your brother ooooh, from church self.

Say you are hungry. Make indomie and egg and watch african magic. Drink some wine from the fridge. Then carry your bag and go. Send your house help/cab guy/ driver to go and pick your stuff later.

The guy would be confused at your calmness. Obviously he expected anger and he got it. Yeye fowl wey no get tail.

Anonymous said...

CUT HIM OFF!! Please move on from that guy so God can completly heal your heart. You didn't over react when qhe was messing with those girls.you even under reacted sef
I'm happy that women that still have value for themselves exist.Belive that God will send you your own husband -he's the rewardeR of those who diligently seek Him

Anonymous said...

Ur right , girls if ur not ready to open ur legs , don't date . Remain in ur fathers house or better still date a deeper life "man"

Anonymous said...

Ur right

Anonymous said...

Take out the illusion that you have to be 100% sure you'll marry before you date the person...that's like saying you have to be sure food will digest before you eat it. What you're doing is putting excessive mental pressure on yourself & having monumental expectations from the unfortunate man dating you because you're broken and you need healing. Cry, scream, shout, etc about your previous relationship & GET OVER IT before you date again. As for this guy, count your losses & look for love again...y'all contributed equally to ruining the relationship (that's if it even existed beyond the mouth).

Meltingmozza said...

My celibacy story part2, am sure your diary of gbenshing is filled up. Whatever rocks your boat. Dude is still in love with his ex and he no send you, the writing is clearly written on the wall. May you find the missing puzzle in your life.

Push up said...

Pls do not remain friends,I hate when people hurt you and think friendships can work. Don't be his friend, he just wanted Ike and he dint get it be very happy atleast he dint increase your body count. I don't know how to stay friends with exes even hello il never say.

Anonymous said...

Poster, all I see is manipulation, gas lighting and deceit from d guy toward you.Never compromise ur peace for the world no matter how much the world screams at u. Trust me, if u had gone ahead to please d guy just to have a relationship he would have abandoned u yet. Good thing is that u communicated to him at the start how u wanted to live while in a relationship and he agreed. You maintained your viewed while the boi kept on trying to modify the whole thing against the initial agreement u both had. He has and is doing everything to spite u so u eventually would run back into his arms and succumb to his pressure. That is evil. He definitely never cared about marrying u. That attitude is immature. Above all, two of you aren't a match rather are two poles apart. So never ever try to make a relationship work where it can't. Your value system is totally different from his, that's if he has got any.
And to those bashing her, dont be vexed that tho we all are human, we all aren't same. There nobles, royalties and yet peasants among us. She has definitely showed strong and positive character in the face of manipulation.
Water and oil would never mix.


Marjorie

Anonymous said...

EMPRESS CHO, I am not the poster but you have really given me something to think about. My situation is exactly what you described and I have been thinking of whether to let myself go or whether to let go of the relationship. I have not seen any other girl but I seem to be threatened to be the one at fault if things go wrong.

Anonymous said...

Poster trash him. He only wants to manipulate u. Dont friend zone him else u would be doing him a favour just discard him. Play him reverse psychology.

Marjorie

Anonymous said...

I've been celibate all along by God's help. Well said, u get to know each man for who he is and dont sow your emotion/resources on barren land. U can think with a clear head. Sex doesnt guarantee a successful relationship.

Anonymous said...

She is doing just fine. Poster keep living right. Dont bother trying to live like the lost multitude.

Eloho said...

See dem! Promoting sexual immorality every time. Sister it's good sef that u set those standards for him and he showed his true colors Befr u open leg and still be hearing stories that touch. I don't know where u people ser some kind of buffoons from😕

Anonymous said...

Thanks Marjorie. Still reading and learning. Your words are like balm. Hugs

Anonymous said...

Still refreshing my Chronicle page and reading later comments.
Thanks so much Chikito. I love your outlook on life and love. Your words are empowering.

Anonymous said...

Still refreshing my Chronicle page and reading later comments.
Thanks so much Chikito. I love your outlook on life and love. Your words are empowering.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Ronalda. Din't expect any less from you. Pls what's your email address. I'd like to contact you.
Poster.

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