Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Forgiving And Forgetting

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Tuesday, 11 July 2017

Forgiving And Forgetting

Look for your favourite spot on the couch to sit on.....


When Someone hurts us and we say that we have forgiven them but cannot forget their crimes..Isnt that going back to square one?.....

What is wrong with remembering?Is it possible to totally forget?

I belong to the school of thought that thinks ''Once bitten twice shy'' and this  entails not forgetting what was done so that it does not repeat itself.......Now that brings me to the question ''If you cannot forget,how can you forgive''?

Do you have an ''I forgive but cannot forget story''?









71 comments:

STARRY LARRY said...

I can easily forget, but I'm not too dumb to forget forever now




*Larry was here*

Anonymous said...

I can forgive .. But can't forget.

***Shiny Boss*** said...

Not forgetting is just reflex, once I see the person I will surely remember

Atheist ™ said...

some ppl have that satisfaction frm paying u back in ur own coin, then they can say "youre 4given".... the lady from 2days SP post, i believe ur husband has that kind of mindset, he wants u to feel the agony u put his heart thru, then wen he feels even, i believe he'd "Return to status quo".... *side eyes at Ronalda*
Mouthing off 4giveness is mch more easier said that done, the memories & scars remain & then ignite in the slightest alteration. If u ask me when im in a good mood, id personally say i forgive whole heartedly & only look back and refer to my archive to crack a joke about it, ofcourse we'd talk about the pink elephant that was once in the room, its not a landmine.

CHI EXOTIC said...

I forgive people easily, but I never forget so as to not fall into that kind of situation again

I have no hard feelings towards anyone
Jumoke, my primary school classmate ate my lunch and poured water inside and left it there for me like nothing happened

I've forgiven her, but many years have gone by and I've not forgotten
Thanks Jummy for eating my lunch
You played yourself.

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

Is not easy forgetting. The brain is made by God to remember things. Even God too does not forget when we sin. So how can we human forget. Odiro possible na.

Let me read more. Plenty stories dey to talk of hurt but let me keep it aside

Anonymous said...

Most times i forgive and forget,even when i remember i just conclude no one is perfect.Its possible someone who hurt u today might be the one to save you tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

whose dumb enough to forget? xcept u werent deeply offended, the "Forget" part is not paying them back or reacting to their fuckup.... or giving them a clean slate, it dsnt mean the sad memory or betrayal can be gone with the wind, you can only 4get the parricular date it happened, but feelings are real men, good or bad feeling arent easily 4gotten...

Anonymous said...

I Dont think its possible to forget even if you have forgiven the person. Especially if you were very hurt.

'Tide said...

I do.
We were three in a room.For five years we stayed together,one of the flat mates told untrue stories about I and the other roommate,bashed us,went as far as bashing our families to a mutual friend...still came back and told us,it was this mutual friend saying all these things.
We were always angry each time we heard such but because I wanted peace,I always convinced the other person not to react...since the gossip wasn't true meanwhile continually having hatred for the mutual friend.
One of those days,another story started floating...this time around I was convinced for us to ask our mutual friend"Why"?
We put on our generator,closed all windows cos of neighbors,Everyone was present including the reportee and the sayee.
Then the shocker!!Its been our roommate all these while!Imagine that!!For five years,we slept together,went to school together,stayed hungry together,consoled each other during heartbreaks together and she's been the one?
She asked for forgiveness sha,I like to believe I have forgiven her but I can't forget.I cut all communication with her.That kind of person can kill.She still tries to reach out but mbok,I can't biko.

LOLO IDEATO said...

It all depends on the tenacity of the crime

Leboo chatted another girl up, I got to know, ice forgiven him n forgotten about the issue at least when we are together never to bring it up

Jasmine said...

I forgive, I try not to remember but I just can't help it.


When I was working in an eatry, I had a manager then. I did everything with in my power to help this guy get a comfortable place and a car. I did so many unnecessary discount and 'stole' money for him
He got the place and got the car and then I was caught. He couldn't cover for me although if he had wanted to, he would. I was not angry o after all na me thief for person.

Some years later, I wanted to get HND form and I just lost my dad. I went to meet him and reminded him of his promise when he came for condolence visit. He said he will pay my school fees and get me a place to stay. He was doing so well then. I told him I just wanted to buy the form and my school fees once I'm giving admission coz I had already planned with some one on getting hostel space.

Dude said he doesn't have money plus he has not been paid. I knew he was lying and I was broken.

15k na change for my papa to pay o. My sis called and I told her. She cried and said the same guy just rented an apartment for one of his olosho for 500k and the babe told one of my sister's friend.

Later the guy called and said he can give me 50k but I should come to one stupid guest house to meet him. Lol. I knew what he wanted, told him God will provide.


I cried for days coz my my had already used her money for a project and since I've forgotten my dad's pin, we couldn't withdraw because I'm the only one who does transactions for him.


Then I gave up and decided to look for a teaching job
God bless Mrs Op. Her employees were complaining that she saw harsh but I no send. I bore all the insult and did my job. I even started baby sitting two of my children that lost their mum and the father was always busy.

A very good friend that I didn't even think of came to my rescue, my Children's parents gave me gifts. And Mrs Op surprised me.

I got the form, paid school fees, stayed alone in my self contain apartment and I was OK.

HND is over o, I'm still here.

That so called manager called me some weeks back and was asking me if I still had the contact of one of our bosses then. Apparently, he has lost his job because of his inability to control his lust for money and pussy.

I wanted to give him because I wanted to let him know that I'm not as wicked as he is but I thought of it.

Nah, I want to be wicked this time
I didn't give him. He called my sister to ask for card of 5h. That one finished him and told him to come and beg me first then his life will go back to normal. Lol.

No be me dey do you o.

Dude is still jobless and I don't care but hopefully mother Nature will smile at him and give him a job


Oloshos yaff go away now as money no dey to sped again but who cares...



If I have the stregth to type, will give the story of a friend who was disvirgined by her first bf but dude left her coz she's not a working class lady. Now he has a record of 3 failed marriages and he's coming back to beg my friend to release him after promising her marriage and failing.


Let me do and find out the current state of the guy self.

Amebo no good o

Manna Bee said...

I forgive but can NEVER forget.

One of my friends back then in the hostel gave me poisoned cake. If not for God and my mum who ran to pastors for help after it became glaring it wasnt a medical condition.

I confronted her and she couldnt defend herself. I forgive and leave her for God to judge but I will never be forget or be friends with her till I die.

May God spare us from devilish and jealous frienemies.

St.FranKooL.... said...

That awkward moment when you forgive someone for a mistake, then rethink about what they did and get mad again...

sexy Daddy said...

Stella I forgive people easily but I hardly forgets! If you offend me and show remorse i will forgive and forget.

Mrs.R SDK blog Official BFF said...

Only people without memory (golden fish) or low memory easily forgets.

I easily forgive and put bad experiences behind me but, that doesn't mean if a similar thing happened I will not remember the past; I just don't like dwelling on the past, it can affects one's peace and sanity.

The best I can do when someone wrong me, before I will say i've forgiven the person, I will just talk it out first (letting out the anger).

Anonymous said...

The best way to remember the offender after forgiving him/her is to do something good. Once you win your "enemy" to your side, you've defeated "the enemy".
A coworker and friend once betrayed me badly. I knew that the work space had been badly polluted. That even after I had forgiven, this lady still understood me as her main enemy and will aim to do everything to get me into trouble before termination; troubles that can last me a lifetime. I was satisfied with my job and the prospects. I prayed about it and saw the scripture; last five verses of Romans twelve. I looked into her life and wanted desperately to take away this sword from her hand. Suddenly I remembered that she recently told me about wanting to change her phone to a particular type that's only sold online and she didn't have a viable card (she is married kids and though our salaries are good, she has more responsibilities than I do). Her birthday was the next month. I quickly ordered it, bought a designer card and waited. On the morning of her birthday I was the first to deliver my gift. She received the package reluctantly. Few minutes later, she marched up to my office with the gift and wrap in her hand, my heart missed not a few beats. She closed the door behind her and I thought -this is the showdown, she is surely returning it. But when I looked at her face, tears were streaming. She embraced me and wept and told me that she never knew I could do this etc.

A year later was this stupid recession and anxiety was palpable in the air. A lot of my colleagues who were bread winners developed high BP. They did not use the companies health facility so that they will not accumulate so much bills and be seen as liabilities. I was fasting and praying. One early morning, she called me to inform me that I should not worry about the layoff that will happen that day for she had made sure my name was not there in our departmental list. (Before I joined the company, she saved her manager from sack and the man is now one of the directors of the company and asked her to get two names of her friends that she does not want to leave the company) I began to cry over the phone. When I got to work, It was my own turn to embrace her and weep.

Sharon Aminu said...

My step mother locked my brother outside,CU's my dad was not around..which made him walk a very long distance to come to me by 1am and he has to follow a grave yard..
I forgive her but that day is still fresh, more than 10year ago..

Anonymous said...

How can I forget,when he hurts me each passing day,despite being pregnant now stil,no attention,no affection,stingy,supports outsiders,friends wt those DAT doesn't like me.d only time he cums close is when he needs to make love. Blames me whenever things go wrong in d church.members feel pastor s wife is d luckiest, they dont know dat underneath my make is a very sad,lonely,depressed lady........pst s wife

Baby_kingsway said...

I forgive easily but forgetting isn't difficult for me. Sometimes I wonder why I was angry in the first place and I realize most times i can't remember the reason and I end up making up with the person. Plus my conscience won't allow me. I don't know how not to forgive and forget.

Anonymous said...

u know u hv forgiven someone wen u remember d hurt n dont get annoyed

Monkeynofine said...

I can forgive and forget! But the only way I can achieve that is to get rid of that person outta my life totally, if not I might fucked u up.

Yemi7up said...

It is easy to say forgive and forget but it is not possible because as a living being with sound mind the moment an invent similar occurs or you see the person as the case may be you will remember, how you handle your relationship with the person is what will or might make it become sinful. The fact we have life give us right to reasoning now.

Amethyst said...

Sometimes remembering doesn't necessarily mean you haven't forgotten. You can remember it for good- as a good lesson or remember it in connection for a sad time in your life at the time.

Cynthia Iyede said...

I can't forget because my brain is still intact. I can say that forgiveness is when I don't feel any form of hurt, pain or disappointment when I remember the wrong done to me especially when I sight the offender. It takes God's grace to totally forgive some certain offences.

Yes you can forgive and still remember all that was done to you cos you are not suffering from memory loss.

aunthenticbaby said...

We are all humans ,we can easily forgive but not easily to forget,let me speak for myself
Like me I can forgive u ,but can't forget #note# not because am wicked or I have not forgiven u,I have but it hardly leave my mind.

Anonymous said...

How can i forgive and forget am i God? The reason why i forgive is because God said we should do so, but i dont see where he says i must forget it. So please allow me jare i dont want to forget is it by force.

Jasmine said...

Lol

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

Waooooh i am loving this stories. Jasmine thank God for you. Anon 13:46 I thank God for you too. God bless both of you

Cookie said...

Forget ke??? I can't forget ooooo..... I have so many stories of back stabbing but I no send, the good thing is that nature always fights for me, no matter how long it takes!! Once you hurt me, you must come back to beg, even if it takes forever, that's why I never do bad to people, I don't have bad intentions towards anyone, I don't snitch, I value friendship but once you mess up, I'll forgive you, move ahead with my life but you must look for me...... It's that simple!!!

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a 'Anike' 😂😂😂 said...

Nah! You can never forget when you're not a computer with delete button.
Note that 'forgetting' here means remembering without feeling angry or pained or the need to revenge.

Madam Small Chops said...

When I Forgive, I let the anger go, I don't hold it against the person.(I don't see the person and remember the incident except I'm still hurting of which I avoid the person but the moment I say I've forgiven that's the end).

Forget? I still have my memories so I can state what brought the issue if am asked.I can't forget the incidence the only thing is that when I say I have forgiven you I won't rub it on your face anymore.I won't bring it up again.

I believe not bringing it up any more means Forgive & Forget..The harm is in constantly reminding someone of their wrong, when you forgive don't bring up the issue again.Don't count the wrongs.

For me God is the only one that totally forgets the wrong cos the moment we ask him for forgiveness and turn away from our sins, he sees Jesus Christ in us and not our wrong doing.

Anonymous said...

I was touched reading about your dad's death and your inability to access his funds. I do not know why men with means do this but just imagine how you got into temptation for "chicken change". Why can't comfortable and rich men make their wives signatory to their accounts and kids next of kin? Who are they actually making these monies for? I know of very painful cases

Anonymous said...

The one who does not forgive is the one that suffers. The term "not forgetting" is just another way of saying "not forgiving". When God forgives us our sins, it is "as we forgave those that sinned against us". If you do not forgive, and you chant our Lord's prayer, you are simply chanting curses on yourself.

SANDY YO said...

Exactly!!! Thats just me for you too.

Push up said...

I forgive easily, but il always such situations so that no room is provided for it to repeat itself again. Sometimes when it does and i voice out it looks like I never forgave the first when the truth is I am only letting you know so you can also avoid it. When they say forgetting, it doesn't necessarily mean letting go of the memory it means seeing the person and not feeling any kind of hurt what so ever, like you see the person, you remember but you do feel the hurt while forgiving is seeing the person remembering the hurt but not letting the hurt take control of you, we are all bigger than any situation thrown at us, some people may feel happy bringing you down the only way you fail is by letting them

Push up said...

You must be my twin,

Sassy Meruche said...

I can't talk on this topic yet.Still very sore and bitter about some recent happenings and I haven't forgiven,so I'm not even close to forgetting.

jelly said...

Lord i plead for the grace to forget and forgive, because i can easily forget but hard to forgive

Jasmine said...

I, my mum and brother were used as next of kin but my dear if we tell u what we went thru just to get his money from the banks, u will pity us.

Naija banks, I give up o

Olive Oyl said...

I forgive and with time I forget esp when we aren't friends anymore,I hate to be burdened with such memories. If I'm hurt with no hope of reconciliation , I forgive and just X you outta my life

Yoo Hwa said...

There are somethings I can forget but not all. Some people are very wicked and if you forgive and forget they'll still repeat same thing or do worse, better forget about them completely so you can have peace.

LINDY NARDS said...

To forgive is human but to forget is divine .

I DON FORGIVE said...

Its easy to say forgive and forget when you have not been hurt badly. God please give me the grace to forget. I don forgive

How can I forget. He told my parents he wants me as a wife. They gave their consent in a traditional way. We leaved together as husband and wife. He was bent on no child no white wedding. 5yrs later, no child. He went and married another woman traditionally behind me with the consent of his parents and relatives. I was the only one who was not aware of the second wife. hmmmmm. I for say. The beating and emotional abuse increased as if he wants to win award from them. His people started treating me as left over food. This life self. To say I carried my soul spirit and body give this guy and his family like na them be God. Am back to Miss. Single and searching with so many scars in my heart. Its well. I don hear. Baba God na you know my heart.

TRIUMPHANT ZION said...

Being a pastor's wife is a calling dear.how?
You are called to support that man so that he can stand strong to do the work he was called for.
How much do you love God?
Going to church is different from loving God.
Love God more than you love hubby and you will find joy seeing him walking faithfully.
You duty is to pray him out,expect nothing but give all and you will see abundant joy.
Where ever he is lacking,talk to God about it and keep loving God and he will in turn bless your home.
Tell God about his inadequacy,and but not with murmuring. God will take care of it dear.
If you love him more than God then there will be problems,but if you love God more than hubby then he will make him suitable for you.
Pick up your bible today and don't stop reading,if you want to love God. The secrets are there.

Adibuah Felix said...

The commandment is to forgive. Nowhere does it say forget.

Anonymous said...

This is exactly what I mean. If your mom was signatory to this account, it wouldn't be like this; you wouldn't have suffered this way. Hope that before you get married, you and fiance should discuss and avoid your kids going through the same thing. That is wisdom, learning from ones experiences. Advice you daughters and sons to do same.

Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwww!!!, a good one.

Anonymous said...

This is so me... broke up with my ex and had to delete and block all his friends and relationships in order to move on and forget all the traumatic experiences i had. I am getting there.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how to forgive, let alone forget. I could wait an eternity to pay back any wrong done to me. There's a name on my list (yes, I've got a list) I am patiently waiting for the opportunity to punish for something done to me 4 years ago. The plus side is, I am not easily offended so it's a small list and the 3 people in it deserve to be there.

La' Sunshine said...

Aww.

Fuck you said...

Wow this story got me...As for me I won't ever contact u if u offend me

La' Sunshine said...

Yeah that's true. I'm trying so hard not to get angry whenever I remember what one prideful girl did. Though I tell myself I have forgiven her but each time I remember I just get angry gosh.

Anonymous said...

I forgave my landlord son for molesting me. I see him and his daughter on Facebook and i pray no one ever hurts her the way he hurt me.

Forgive yeah.
Forget ?
Naah.

I will always rember what he did to me at the age of 7years old.

La' Sunshine said...

Wow this is so me.
I value friendship so much I lose myself, but once you mess up that is the end like nothing in this world can make me feel the same way you will just become a stranger to me.

La' Sunshine said...

Wow this is so me.
I value friendship so much I lose myself, but once you mess up that is the end like nothing in this world can make me feel the same way you will just become a stranger to me.

La' Sunshine said...

This topic made me realise i haven't truly forgiven her. Lord Jesus please help me to totally forgive this woman what she did really upset me and I still get mad each time I remember but I totally want to forgive her. Life will humble her someday.

La' Sunshine said...

That's true.

Love.Eating.Pussy said...

You sound just like me,I forgive and let go.once u sincerely appologise I forgive u and move on.
But some people no matter how much you try to make right your wrongs before them they never forgive.
They don't ever see you the same infact you become a monster in their eyes.

I hope these set of people read this posts and find a way back to been human and learn to forgive and forget.

Anonymous said...

It depends on the nature of the offence.my close pal that was just a user she could spend your money,use your stuffs accused me of misplacing her rayban that i never took or used and even told me to buy it back as she did not want fake and wanted original.she later found it with another person after the acccusations and even lied on top after i forgave her.the lie part got me mad.we stat in the same room now but bruhhh i got no business with her oo...it is forgiven but can't be forgotten.

Olivia Silk said...

Jeeezzzz.
Poisoned cake!!!!!

Nawa ooo.
Thank God you survived it.

Love.Eating.Pussy said...

Isn't the burden of planing a revenge for years hard to bear
Forgive and lighten your heart and see how much easier living would be.
My 2c

Anonymous said...

Truth must be told. There is no such thing is forgetting unless memory is lost. Once one memory is active, you must always remember especially where it hurts.

Manna Bee said...

Thanks a lot dear.

AbaMade said...

98% of the time its hard to forget even when we've forgiven. Just like a scar, the fact that it doesn't hurt anymore does not mean its not there.

Anonymous said...

Are you a scorpio?

Anonymous said...

Triumphant, wrong.
He is her husband. She is his most important sheep and needs his care, love and attention before outsiders (church members)

Ronalda. said...

Unless you have issues with your long-term memory, it is impracticable to forget an incident, moreso an unpleasant one. I guess the forgive and forget rule isn't to be taken quite literally, especially the "forget" part, if we want to be realistic. I believe when we've been offended, the standard is to forgive, which is letting go of the offence and resolving whatever anger or resentment we harbour against the offender. Forgetting means not deliberately rehashing painful past experiences and if the memories subconsciously show up again, we look back but not with the pain, anger or resentment which normally accompanies those unpleasant memories. However, it's a lot easier said than actually done.

Another relevant factor is the degree of feelings you have for the offender or the nature of your relationship. This is a tricky one because, the ones closest to you who are capable of inflicting the worst pain, yet your feelings for those people ‎make it easier to forgive. For example, when the one you love offends you, the blind spot you have for that person can even make you downplay the magnitude of the offence and because you can't seem to stay mad at that person for long, you forgive easily. This, in vernacular, is what is fondly referred to as the "mumu button".

The flip side, however, is‎, there is a way a person you love will hurt you that the shock will make it very difficult to forgive, because that person ought to know better. A good example is when one of your random friends spreads lies about you versus when your best friend/Confidant does same. The betrayal by your best friend would be monumental and the pain in your heart from the knife at your back can linger for years, ergo the infamous words " How could YOU, of ALL people, do that to me!?"

Personally, no matter how amazing a person is to me, I ALWAYS leave a margin for error. I call it the "human factor". That way, I remind myself that humans, including myself, are capable of anything if tuned to the right frequency and furnished with the right motivation. This mindset makes it easier to forgive an offence, however, I rarely allow a 3rd strike from a "repeat offender". Like John F. Kennedy said "forgive your enemies but never forget their names." And the immortal words of Maya Angelou "‎when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Forgiveness doesn't mean you should throw caution to the wind and go back to play with a scorpion who stung you, I think not.




Jasmine said...

Anon 16:20, thanks dear. But my folks na real old school

chim_oma said...

Let's be sincere,everyone has that.

chim_oma a.k.a. Miss Kapusu

Anonymous said...

My sister in law had difficulty getting pregnant.I stood by her and Assisted her financially for her test and drugs . Drugs cost 20k a month. This woman got pregnant and couldn't tell me. She delivered and sent me a sentence that she has given birth. It really hurts bc I don't see rationale behind her action bc I'm a paediatrician. I m happy God worked thru me but the relationship is over

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