Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Thursday, 19 October 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Na wah!!!






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

HARD PAST;MESSY PRESENT AND UNKNOWN FUTURE




Hi Stella!
I really don't know how to start this but I have to say thanks for creating such a platform, I call it my e-home,though I hardly comment but I used to be an SDK blog addict.It served as my antidepressant!


I really need advice please bear with me it's lengthy.I really apologize for troubling you but I feel strong knowing we gt each other's back here.
I am 26 yes old married with 2kids.I lost my Dad at 10 brought up with my siblings by our mum with great difficulty as she remarried which didn't last up to a year because we were not treated well.she practically put her life on hold @35 for us n I really feel indebted to her. 


So I actually got married to please her. I was not ready then and really not in love with d man(JH) abeg not DH.she doesn't really know though we are pretty close,I liked him n trusted him but wasn't in love with him n I thought I will eventually do since I believed he so much love me(biggest mistake).JH and I realize are too different, I have been trying to be what he wants but I can't anymore. JH is very.selfish,domineering, jealous,manipulative n ungrateful .



He never appreciates me,wants to control and know everything I do including phone calls.My biggest problem now is that I don't like him or trust him a bit.He did a lot to erase that really. He once dated my best friend and even promised her marriage (we are Muslims) God! It hurts then n still do,I don't seem to have gotten over it even though it's been 2 yrs+.He also hit me twice the one I didn't seem to forgive was hitting me when I was 6 months pregnant.


When I was still studying (we got married after my 200level exam)he doesn't give me transport fare for school so I end up going to sch only when we have a test or during exam.I took a job while in school to help my mum since schooling to me was part time(I had a job before I decided to go for my bsc.I.e after my NCE).But he is always not happy when I send money to her,he will tell me to reduce it or ask me to lend him:

He never returns them by the way.He has never for once give my mum a kobo since we got married almost 5yrs back but have given her two wrappers sha.He is a business man but he has NCE.


Right now,the business is gone but he still tries to hide it.what annoys me most other being the husband and the wife at the sane time is the fact that he will collect money from me in the name of buying foodstuffs and end up fuelling or repairing his car or even buying airtime n data to chat with his numerous gfs on social media(am not jealous but irritated) am just trying to help him with his responsibilities but he now takes it as his right.


Mind you the money I use for feeding us is my monthly allawee(oh am a corper presently),I saved ignoring his criticism and enrolled my daughter in sch,he don't seem to buy the idea cos he still complains that I should have let her be 5 yrs before she starts sch and let us use the money for something better!!(what's better than securing ur child's future?).


God! Am so tired of everything. Sometimes if I don't go look for money from my sis we would stay hungry.Imagine having only maize flour as the only foodstuff,child sick n can't afford a hospital visit.


Am jinxed and I think I can't hold on longer.


Imagine all the NGOs that are in Maiduguri but I can't even get even a cleaner job?applied to many private schools but not even one called me for an interview?imagine making soup with less than #100.

 I thought I could be strong like my mum but I can't especially not when JH is trying to dump all responsibilities on me.He is not even doing anything about our condition, all he cares about is to be seen in a car and on fb.l have been tempted not once to take every drug that is in my house at a go.Damn if am still optimistic.


Do you think I have any reason to be patient n stay in my marriage? I want to just go back home though but how can I dump my jobless worthless arse on my mum n leave my kids to someone who doesn't think about their future? I guess I have bore du with my BS but I just left some things out.please don't tongue lash me (I know am an arse already thanx)as it is life have given me a lot of it already.
I will read comments...



*Instead of staying in an environment that makes you have suicidal thoughts,it is better you go home to your mum if that is the only place you can go to...Think about your child and do not hurt yourself......SMH at your ''horseband''


73 comments:

DoppelgΓ€nger said...

You for try write this your story from top to bottom instead of the other way round. You laid your bed and now reaping it's benefit. You didn't marry for your mum but for yourself because I don't see how claiming you did that was for your mum's benefit.

I would only tell a lady to work on a marriage that isn't broken but this one is in pieces if all you've narrated is true. Only animals raise their fists. You walked into this with your eyes open, you should walk away too while you still can. Dead people don't feel emotions. Sorry, I stopped reading when I saw he hit you, it is unacceptable and if anyone tells you to endure it and try to make it work,just know that they hate you.

BLOGLORD (MVBM) said...

You are married to yourself.
This is no marriage at all.
No love, no money, no trust, no commitment, no respect,nothing.
...and then he beats you on top.
Tsk! Tsk!! Tsk!!!
O ma sè ò

Sit him down and talk to him to assume his responsibilities and change his behaviour. If he chooses not to, just pack your bags one day in his absence and return back to your mother with your child.
At least you know your burden is solely on your child and mum and not an overgrown baby in a man's body.

A man who can not take care of his family is worse than.....
you know.

SheriKoko said...

Go and stay wt ur mom atleast u have someone to help u wt ur child while u go look for work. N u will stop spending ur little allowee on dat useless man. Pls no kill ursef atleast for the sake of that little angel besides he's not worth it. U will soon be through with service and by God's grace get a good job and progress from there.

charitybino said...

Not caging. Another troubled marriage

charitybino said...

Not again. Another troubled marriage

Perxian said...

He hit you. That's enough to leave.. your mother will prefer to have you back home than have you in body bag. Darisall

Miss Juliet said...

Which one is JH biko?
Just carry your bag and go,try so hard to get a small job and train your kids.The right man for you will come

St.FranKooL.... said...

She who marries and runs away, lives to marry another day....RUN

Mrs.R SDK blog Official BFF said...

Poster, I'm so sorry for all you are going through in your home. But stop saying you married for your mum! You went into the marriage with your eyes wide open, it wasn't your Mum who introduced you to the man, you were first friends; so, stop laying blames and think of the way forward.

You are not happy with your husband because of his bad characters but, have you tried talking to him? It seems you both lack communication in your marriage.

Why do you even give him money to buy food stocks at home? That is not your responsibility at all. You knowingly swapped the marital role and now it's too much of a load for you to carry.

Firstly, stop giving him money. Don't keep any money at home, you're educated, you should have a separate bank account, keep your money there..

Now, if you know that you can no longer take his shits, instead of crying your eyes out, take your kids and go back to your mum. You need your peace of mind before you can even think of working. You won't be able to deliver if you are employed tomorrow because your environment can affect your job speed.

I pray God gives you the strength and the help you need.

Hermosa said...

I totally agree with bloglord..madam please go back to ur mom and manage what ever little money u get on u and your child..stop feeding a good for nothing man..its not by force to be called a MRS..damn what people will say..save ur self while u are still young before it become late.

Miss Ess said...

This is such a pity honestly

BRENDA C. said...

My dear you're not in a marriage...you're just suffering for nothing. I wont say much coz there's no need.
I don't see things getting better for you while you remain with him...The best you can do for your yourself and your child is to leave that man and that envoroment for now..go back to your mum and ell her everything. leave your baby with her for now and try making something out of your life. Go to a new state...get a job...work for sometime...save up and go get ur baby and continue with your life.

sexy Daddy said...

Simple question I want to ask...Its today's marriages course or blessing?

Tima said...

Since he is not adding any value to your life,please pack your load and go your own way.Make sure you leave with your child(ren).

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a Ugegbe Chike Teflon said...

I can imagine your naivety when you married. Feeling like you need to do it for your mum's happiness. Did she at any point talk you into that or you just assumed? I won't judge you sha and dont beat yourslef over anyone who scolds you over that decision. We all make mistakes and frankly, more mistakes are made when one is younger. You won't 'see road'.

That said, my dear leave leave leave. Take your baby, take your coming allowee as transport and just leave. When you leave, maybe he would see road. If he doesn't, please move on. What we don't understand is that, our 20s are out development/building years. If you waste them (or be around someone who makes you waste them) you will regret for the rest of your life. Leave, go to a saner environment, get your life together, get a job, draft out a plan for yourself. Leave the man to come to his senses some day. Hopefully he will. If he doesn't, oh well.... you have a story for your child.
Staying is not an option.

Tilly said...

Even the DH that they are always saying...i don't know the meaning. Now add JH

Kiks said...

When I listen to my mum advice women who have marital problems (keep in mind that I don't agree with her on marriage most times ) , she tells them "if he doesn't beat you then stay" This one beats you and he is a dedeadbeat father. At least separate from him maybe after talking it through with him. I don't think your mum would mind looking after her grandchild while you try and hustle. At this point you are both father and mother to even you husband. Shed his weight off you at least till he decides if he wants you in his life. Don't kill yourself for someone who will move unto the next when God forbid your body hasn't gone completely cold.

Anonymous said...

lol.. you no well

Perxian said...

DH is Dear Husband.

Anonymous said...

My concern is the statement you made about “leaving your children to someone who does not care about their future”. Biko I beg you in the name of all you hold dear, don’t leave without those children please

Perxian said...

#Lol where your # at?

Posh said...

Its a pity. This is not marriage at all. Its nit by force to be under a man- a useless one for that matter.
Please, take your kids and belongings and run as fast as you can. U will be better of with your mum than this horseband.
You will be fine eventually.

Mrs.R SDK blog Official BFF said...

I think DH means Darling or dear husband while JH means "just husband "

Anonymous said...

What does JH stands for?

Miss Juliet said...

Loool Tilly DH is Darling husband

BLOGLORD (MVBM) said...

@Juliet and Tilly πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
DH = Darling/Dearest Husband
JH = uhmmmm...Jobless Husband (?)

Anonymous said...

Maybe its jobless/ jealous husband

BLOGLORD (MVBM) said...

Your head is there.
Well saidπŸ‘Œ

Anonymous said...

I swear... Some men has no business with marriage.

Anonymous said...

Who are you asking? Sissy

Anonymous said...

Please what does DH and JH mean?

Chameleon said...

DH is probably Darling Husband and JH Jobless Husband. just a guess

Anonymous said...

I trust you.
You can never disappoint.
Ikwakwakwakwakwa

Anonymous said...

DH: Dumb Horseband
JH: Jagajaga Horseband

Push up said...

Go home to your mum, home is where you have peace of mind, you can't continue like this. Go to your mum and continue your service and keep looking for something. It's better to build yourself in your mothers house than with that liability of a man... please go home, no money, no love, domestic violence, a cheat, doesn't even take care of the kids so please what are you doing there

Miss Juliet said...

Loool AnonπŸ˜‚ i know DH to be Darling Husband o

becky naka said...

Lol, DH is darling husband I'm assuming JH is just husband.

becky naka said...

Hahhahahaaha, Kidjo come and carry your booo.

BLOGLORD (MVBM) said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Royal Royalty said...

Jh====jagajaga=jump and pass husband.=ojukokorohusband

Anonymous said...

I think you Should endure and look for a job... Its not easy living alone with your kids without a tangible work... Im 36 with two kids,when suffer head wanted to kill, i wisen up.. Please re package urself.. Enjoy your life codedly

SINGLE DAD said...

Not so quick my "leidy".

SINGLE DAD said...

Lol @ anon 16:33

SINGLE DAD said...

Say my name, baby. Say my name, baby. You smart. You're loyal. You're grateful. I appreciate that. Go buy your mama a house. Go buy your whole family houses. Put this money in your savings account. Go spend some money for no reason. Come back and ask for more


That's for your comment above

Bibire said...

My sister will always say there are marriages that will take you to hell,when a man is not doing his responsibilities and feels entitled to what you are contributing,it's time to leave.Go back home,take your kids and continue fending for them.When you are through with serving,relocate from maiduguri.Go to other states & look for work.Yobe has a new government hospital and they have been employing,you can apply for administrative work.Dont take the back seat for any useless man

Anonymous said...

God forgive me o, and my husband will give me 1k to manage and cook when he's broke with foodstuffs at home o I will raise my long mouth up chai....

Iphie dearie said...

Hehehehehehhe!!!
Single daddy. If you know how I love that DJ Khalid's song ehn!!!

Go spend some money for no reasonπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ In that his accent..

Chike TEFLON said...

Ugegbe oyibo m thanks for saving me from the stress of typing.

Poster take my Chikito's advice.

Anonymous said...

I swear they don't

La' Sunshine said...

Pls go back to your mum believe me she won't chase you back, if you tell her all what you are going through in that sham of a marriage no mother wants to lose a child . Pls I beg you with everything you hold dear don't leave your children, pls I beg you I'm on my knees cos you will regret it all your life. pls don't leave those children behind to suffer for your mistake imagine what their father is doing even while you are there imagine what he will do to them when you are not there. I dont want to imagine it for my enemy you have made one mistake which you can correct don't make another that will mar those children for life pls fight for them till your last blood don't leave your children

La' Sunshine said...

Pls go back to your mum believe me she won't chase you back, if you tell her all what you are going through in that sham of a marriage no mother wants to lose a child . Pls I beg you with everything you hold dear don't leave your children, pls I beg you I'm on my knees cos you will regret it all your life. pls don't leave those children behind to suffer for your mistake imagine what their father is doing even while you are there imagine what he will do to them when you are not there. I dont want to imagine it for my enemy you have made one mistake which you can correct don't make another that will mar those children for life pls fight for them till your last blood don't leave your children

jelly said...

Just go back home to your mum, there you can find something doing...


Your kids will be safe with her, remove suicide from your mind.

Oma maranma said...

Me too. Poster just digest this wisdom... twenties is for building!

Quintessence said...

Through it all.God is still God

Miss Juliet said...

Oh okay.. thanks all. Now we know😁

Quintessence said...

Through it all God is still God

Quintessence said...

Through it all God is still God

Anonymous said...

Lolll@ Chile is that the new format when there's nothing upstairs? Ikwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa
Please let me try it tomorrow :

'Thanks Ronalda for saving me the stress of typing,exactly what was on my mind etc etc'
Ikwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa ikwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa ikwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa

SINGLE DAD said...

Iphie 😁😁😁😁😎😎😎😎

Anonymous said...

Lets ask your wife oga. See question.

Anonymous said...

No is business administration lol

Anonymous said...

Again, finally someone who knows how to read. She said 2 kids. And the judginas in earlier comments who have never dated the same man for more than 6 months point fingers and find blame in the poor girl's story. If your comment can't make her reason a way out of the problem, don't add to it! Least you can do is say a prayer for her. If not get lost.

AGELESS T said...

I always say it and I will continue to say it. A girl has no business marrying before age 26-27. Should not pass 28 -29 though. Granted that age is not maturity, but it helps. Granted also that someone can marry at 35 or even an older age and the marriage still crashes. But a younger girl has a higher chances of a failed marriage. Cos like CHIKITO typed up there, you don't see Road at that age. It's an age where you discover and build yourself.

I must commend the poster though, Cos inspite of all odds, you still bagged a BSC. You did not allow your situation break you and you did not listen to that JH, who said you shouldn't enroll your child in school. It means you placed a a high premium on education, kudos!

Now pick up what's left of you. You should tie your legs, he may want to impregnate you in order to tie you down. DON'T RULE OUT HIS BEING DIABOLIC. In fact I will be surprised if he's not doing things behind you. Face your kids and accept responsibility for your earlier decision on JH. Pray well oooo. Ah! Pls pray, something tells me your future is bright and you will be fine. But don't joke with prayers, for your kids too.

God bless.

BLOGLORD (MVBM) said...

Haa Anon!
You say???
Endure?
For how long?
What if he kills her before she gets this "tangible job"?
Don't forget she said he is jealous, beats her and all sort + she assumes his responsibilities.
How much can she take and for how long?
Pls she should leave ASAP cos even if he doesn't beat her to death (God forbid), the burden, unhappiness and possibly depression can lead her to an early grave. Pls her child needs her alive. Her mother too.
The man is a failure.
Highly irresponsible.

Red Wine said...

Women keep on spoiling men by accepting to take a man's responsibility, you and him who is the husband, man? Look you cannot perform the duties of a husband and still do the duties of a wife, is not possible. Define each other's responsibility, set it straight, let everyone knows his or her functions and duties. If you do a man'a duties then he has to be the woman, you cannot carry pregnancy for nine months and still feed the family, pay school fees and still cook for him, still perform in the other room. I cannot take that I have already set my rules I can assist when I feel or want to but if I see that you are not loyal you are acting up as if is your right for me to assist you omg I will back off. Men love to be left alone to think and take care of their responsibilities, once you start showing you care or you have to assist they will leave all the family load on you and start to misbehave.

You have already spoil him, so bear your cross, the only way you can put a stop to this madness is to stay off this man for a while with your kids. Is best you spend youe money on your kids than on your lazy husband. Give him some space for now, stop giving him money from now on, if he want to repair his car, snap pictures and post on Facebook let him go and make money.

Kwikwi said...

Just be outright and say you need help!
This claim that you married someone who is selfish, stingy and uncaring just to please your dear mother makes no sense. Neither she nor you have benefited from this union.
It's up to you to decide whether you want to continue or go back to your mother.
I hope you get the needed help here.

Anonymous said...

this is a cry for help. suicidal thoughts? she is depressed! you all are here telling her it's her fault and adding to her distress. my dear I understand why you went into the marriage, it's unfortunate that you met this kind of man. why don't you report him to the Islamic cleric at the mosque he regularly prays at? as for that your friend, she's a ho, avoid her like she has monkeypox.
I know of a woman who married a deadbeat, she brought soldiers to beat the man and seize his car. she sold it and used the money to start life all over...lol. As for those NGO jobs in Maiduguri, you have to submit application personally not by email. Knowing someone and living in Maiduguri also helps.
I wish I could help you more....
lawyers in the house, isn't there a way to get this man to shoulder his responsibility?

SANDY YO said...

Nawa o!*pensive* Kai!

sholetoga said...

Poster.....borrow Usain Bolt boot fast

Dre said...

Your self-esteem is on the floor due to the abuse and neglect you have suffered in life and in your marriage. Please begin to change your mindset about yourself. Know that you are a strong woman because what you're going through is hell but you've been able to hold it together so far. Have faith in yourself that you can pick yourself up and do better. Do you pray, believe that God will make a way. BVs have given you good advice which I agree with but I'll add that you believe in yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. Don't let past mistakes hinder your bright future. Goodluck.

Dre said...

I also want to add that you are not a failure. And you are not an ass. Please don't use such words on yourself again. You married an irresponsible man but you don't have to pay for it for the rest of your life. You are still young and can still do so much with your life. Be strong for your child because his wellbeing and safety depends on you now. Can they retain you where you are serving? Use the remaining time on your nysc to make contacts for a better job. Go online and apply while you also make physical efforts. May God bless you and see you through. Ameeen.

Anonymous said...

You must feel some kind of mighty, typing behind your cheap ass phone with your "borrow me data" in your non-ventilated room chatting shit! Someone has told you she married for her mom, but because you are inside her head, you downplay her emotions and spit air.

Anonymous said...

You can be a little more empathetic. Thread with a little sensitivity. No one knows tomorrow

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