Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Sunday, 5 November 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Just WOW!!!...








STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
END TIME CHRONICLE

Hello Stella, Great work you are doing, God bless you abundantly. I need advice on my life issues.



I was raped when I was 15 ( lost my virginity) ,I got pregnant without knowing for 5months in which my parents took me for an abortion. I was doing well in school before then, I finished my secondary school and I was a shadow of myself,it led to me having alow self esteem issue since then. 



I started having tummy pains, discharge when I got into the university, I couldn't tell anyone except my boyfriend who knew about it.( I had a boyfriend in my 2nd year in school) He stood by me during those period, he paid for my hospital checkups and all. He is 15 yrs older than me but he lied that it was 10yrs. I told him about the abortion and the rape. He knew everything about me, he was working in a good company in which he earns over 150k as at then,just knew all these now (he earns close to 250k now although he doesn't know I know). 


I didn't notice some of his behaviour then, he talks down on me, denying me in front of people and making me understand that his family knows me and that's all that matters, he cheats and flaunts in my face. I thought it was a normal thing because my dad always talks down on my mum and also disrespect her even though she is the one taking most of the responsibility in the house. He made me understand that he chose me ahead of other girls but I should know that girls are always around him and it was only flirting.



 People I spoke too, that were close to me about the issue told me that he is going to change that the devil I know is better than the angel I know. He introduce me to people as his sister, we don't go out together to catch fun. I was naive and stupid, the low self esteem had eaten deep into me that i just feel nobody will accept me and maybe I wouldn't get someone better than him due to my past that I told him about, because he made me understand that nobody can be with me hearing I was raped, aborted and also dealing with residuals from the abortions for 3yrs( discharge 3yrs and bones coming out of my virginal after the 3yrs)-  WHAAAAAAT????




 He was the only one that knew about it and my close friend.


I go to his house every weekend from school to wash his cloth, cook and tidy up his house, he was living in a face me and slap you that was dirty, I wasn't used to that kind of environment but I endured it because I felt I don't want to be seen as someone that can't suffer with a man. He wanted me in his life because I was young and foolish, I am the kind he can control and dictate to..... 


 I practically live my life for him and what people will say. He dated one of his neighbours, a young girl like me, different girls from his work place, he changes them when he feels like and also spend money on them and takes them out, sponsor their school and training skills. He goes out of his way for them but he never does for me. I felt I should be grateful for him sticking by me through my trying times by staying with him, people told me, even if he goes to London to cheat, its me he will end up with. 



I was more than desperate, the reason I was that desperate I couldn't figure out, maybe because nobody loved me and I don't have friends and my self esteem was on zero and I just want to be accepted by people, I couldn't imagine leaving him to be alone. 


He travelled out for a training along the line and he met a white woman, they started dating and when he came back, she was on his wallpaper, I didn't even know, was thinking maybe its all this actress or singer he used as the wallpaper of his gadgets until I found out later , he loads about 4000# per day to call this woman and whenever he is doing the calling he sends me on errand. Then it continued like that for a long time, we stopped communicating, he doesn't call ,I do the calling most times, I was drained and my life was on a spot, I realised there is no future for me with this man who uses every opportunity to insult me.


 A close friend of mine that we were crushing on each other in secondary school started disturbing me for a relationship after I told him what I was passing through. He started giving me audience, the communication was smooth and I could relate with him like age mate ,I started seeing what love suppose to be, then we had s§x once. That was the beginning of another episode of problems in my life.


From no where my boyfriend started calling disturbing me and begging and threatening me at the same time and all, I knew I couldn't go back cos I cheated already coupled with the other past he knew. But I was stupid, when the threatening was much I went back and he found out about the other guy and that we had s§x. He gave me a slap that night and I started bleeding from my nose, I think I passed out sef.


 He sprinkled water on me and started asking me series of question ,how many times the s§x was, was he better than his own and all sort of question. I cried that day blaming myself for cheating on him, I wasn't even pitying myself for going back. Then the blackmailing started, anything I do is always referred back to my cheating and my past.


I graduated from school ,I was working while in school too, he knew and always find a way of collecting the money from me, he said he was saving it for when I graduate to start a business. Unfortunately for me I got pregnant, that was the worst day of my life, I told him, he was very happy but I was sad, I knew something wasn't right, my strict parents,my life and my relationship with him wasn't smooth, it was the same circle from the beginning, I knew I was done for. But abortion was the last thing on my mind because I was sacred from the first experience and haunting. 


Before I found out I was pregnant, a family member of his was chatting with me on bbm and you know how people use funny names on bbm, unknowingly to him, he thought I was chatting with another guy, the beating I received that day left me in the room for 4days with swollen face, I couldn't even see for the first two days. He was even telling me he will call my sister to tell her he just finished beating me because I disobeyed him. I wished he had called my sister then, maybe my life won't be like this. A week after the beating I found out about the pregnancy, he started apologising to me and told me it won't repeat itself anymore, he has never been sober like that, although since then he hasn't beaten me till now but the emotional torture and verbal abuse is on another level.


He started acting nice and taking me out, spending time with me and telling whoever cares to know that he was having a baby. I couldn't tell my parent till I gave birth, I told him about marriage plan and he said we will do it when I give birth that he doesn't want to stress me so the baby won't be miscarried. 



He gave one of his friend's wife money to buy baby things and what she Bought was useless till today, I had to buy all the baby things with my money and I forgot to say he stopped me from working. I later gave birth during my service, He then rented a duplex, we didn't do naming ceremony for our baby, no dedication in church, The reason why he rented a duplex, he said because he wants our baby to have space to play and catch fun. He told me that he has paid for the whole thing we are going to use in the new rented house and we should leave some of the things in the face me I face you that he already paid for new things. Then we moved in to the new house with his mom who came for omugwo, the house was empty with nothing inside, we expected that the things he paid for will move in within a month or so but I never saw anything like that.


 He didn't move in with us, he comes once in a while to check us up, I was the one feeding his mom, clothing her and washing her cloth, I didn't experience birthing and resting ,I was practically doing everything ,the only thing the mum does is to bathe and carry the baby and I was deeply grateful for that, my parents later was told I gave birth and they were disappointed because my mum was a deaconess in church and my dad was a mentor to many people . 



My dad was more than disappointed, he hated me with so much passion for disgracing him, I was his favourite before the rape incidents. But they both later came around after series of begging Here and there. Our baby was named by him, he didn't allow me name the baby, he said the name i wanted to give was too local and that was the name I love for my child. The insult started coming in bit by bit with the disrespect, I just didn't want to end up a single mom, so I was enduring. I bought whatever the mom needs and gives her pocket money too out of my allawee, I didn't know she was thinking it was her sons money .


His family believes he is a rich man that hands over his money to me, they think I am in control of his money but truth be told I have never benefited from him. He doesn't give me a kobo, since I had our child, I have been the one buying clothes,shoes and other miscellaneous, he buys imported food that are way too expensive than the money he has. Whenever I try advising him about his life and spending, he makes me understand I am too small to advice him.



He earns good money but we don't plan, he spends it as its comes and his family , girlfriends and outsiders who needs help. By the first week of the month, he is broke again, borrowing money up and down. He buys things on credit that they came to knock our gate one day but that was only once though. He doesn't have any savings at all, no car,no property. Nothing to fall back on above all he flirts like no tomorrow and put the blames on me. I learnt numerous handwork, he talked me down that responsible women I see are always career people who works in offices, he breaks and put me down ,most of the hand work ,I have forgotten them because no money to start business and I can't even work because of our child.


I must pick the child from school, I can't go out and also not allowed to go far. we have been disgraced from school several times because he didn't pay the school fees. He always believes that money is meant for spending, but he doesn't spend on me, I guess I am exempted from the belief.



The duplex we are saying has been leaking since we packed in, I pack water whenever it rains, the kitchen zinc is faulty, I always carry the water to pour inside gutter in the compound. He has never thought of fixing them, most times no food at home and he is not ready to move out of the duplex, he likes telling people he lives in a duplex but he doesn't allow them come to greet him. Nobody comes to greet us, I don't have one single friend, I am always alone, nobody to talk. 


I moved out two years ago to my parents place but my dad ordered me to gp back that I don't have any business in his house, that staying with him brings more disgrace and embarrassment, I made him understand that I am not married to this guy and I wasn't suppose to be living with him. He slapped me and told me since I got pregnant for him and he is educated, I have to bear my cross and endure that he is going to change with time that I can't be jumping from one man to another after having a child that who do I expect to marry me after i had a child with someone else...


 I cried for days because I didn't know my dad could say all that to me, that's the only people I think genuinely loved me, my mum opposed his action and they started quarrelling with each other ,he told my mom that if she ends up misleading me or violating his rules, that she should be ready for whatever consequences she sees. My mom called me and told me what she has been passing through from my dad and I realised I am passing through same thing. 


My dad and baby daddy has same character, the spending lavishly, boasting, disrespecting , insult and all. I cried again because I felt pity for my mom, the only saving grace for her is that she is working, I wish I can take her out of that place, they have never been separated before, I just want my dad to feel the absence of my mum and he should know he can't stand without my mum because she bought almost everything in the house they stay, my dad spends his money for outsiders and family member , same with my baby daddy too. Although he pays school fees only but all other thing we needs were done by my mum. She told me she doesn't want me to end up like her.


I had to move back to my babydaddys house and its been close to two years I moved back, its getting worst, I don't have a life I am living ,i am just like a walking corpse that just have privilege to breath. Nothing has been moving for me, I am stagnant and frustrated, depression set in and I started thinking of suicide, I want to move out without anybodys consent, but I don't have the capacity. I am just stock here without any future. He said I am very stubborn and I don't tell him before I do things, I am submissive despite everything he did to me, but I have reach my limit. Have been planning of doing house help job at least so I can move out of here before the years runs out, the house help will help me in having a roof over my head and child but I realize I can't take care of my child , sending him to school, school fees isn't smiling. 



The other time I sent my child home to stay with my parent, my baby daddy started calling them and said a lot of things about me to my dad and my dad is the kind of person that believes outsider than his children. My dad told me to pick my child and that if I succeeded in pushing my baby daddy away from me with my bad behaviour, that he will never forgive me and that we women likes cooking stories up to make someone looks bad ,that I took after my mum .when I went to pick my child, he was looking like a village child, with rashes and couldn't speak English again, I cried seeing my child looking like  what i can't describe . My mum tried for my child but couldn't stopped the playing with people cos our house in the village isn't gated.


 So I understand her when she was explaining to me. My dad made me understand that if I don't listen to him about staying with my baby daddy, that he will hate me and my child for life. And I shouldnt bring the child back without the dads consent again. 


I am growing lean by the day, a lot going through my mind, I know I am the architect of the problems in my life, I take 100% blame for not walking out early before now. I don't blame anybody for my misfortune except myself. I am frustrated here, my life doesn't have a meaning , nothing is moving for me. I have never been helped in my life despite me helping people out of the little I have although I don't give to get back but it bothers me a lot, I have been fasting and praying for a turn around in my life, came out with a third class, l don't have a single self esteem anymore, the little I am trying to build and grow thick skin , I realized this man is just bent in torturing me emotionally and verbally.


 He told me I don't have any usefulness, that everything I do in the house is what can he can pay people to do for him. He just needed me to be taking care of our child and also doing whatever he commands me to do. He cheats and flaunt it in my face , he doesn't care if I am sick or hungry, the only thing is that I should make sure nothing happens to his child. He make sure I don't have any savings which he doesn't have either but immediately he has money he has a particular girlfriend he sends it too, the girl even speaks with my child atimes and uses my child pix has her dp. 


I want to move out and have a life of my own, don't even know if there is a life for me out there. I need advise and help.
My life is miserable, I don't want to drop my child and leave ,at the same time time ,I don't have the capacity to take care of the child for now and my parent is a no go area. I don't even have anywhere to go to. I don't know if there is hope for me out there to make it in life.I wasted over 11years with this man, my life has been around him from the onset, he still insult him me with the rape,abortion, discharge ( as if it was my fault I was raped, I am still battling with getting the rape out of my head).


 I still do chores in the duplex we are staying, I can't dear not to wash his cloth, and other chores in the house. He is quick to remind me that I should be grateful he put a roof on my head. Our child is lacking behind of others and he doesn't seems to see anything wrong about that. I don't know who I am anymore, I am depreciating daily, not sure there is anything that appreciate in my life again. This past few days , Its just as if something bad should happen to me to him but thinking it through I realize i had a choice to walk out since but I never did , so he didn't force me to accept his behaviour. I never complained, I had to leave several jobs because the insult I get daily from him doesn't make me productive at work and the whole responsibility of the house falls on me immediately I get jobs, he feels so far I disobeyed him for working ,that's my punishment on top salary that is not up to 20k atimes. I am frustrated and depressed ,that I am always thinking of something bad happening to me but my child is the only thing keeping me going, can't even afford the basic things for the kid.



Pls I have reached my breaking point, what should I do, I am getting old and I am trying to talk back at him this days if he insults me but things he tells me always leave me crying for days, he reminds me of been older than me and I address him with respect from the onset, I don't dear call him by his name. He is manipulative, He said I can't never make it without him ,that he is the pillar that is supporting my life and without him I am nothing.


I need your advice,counselling and help. You can insult me (everything was my fault) but pls remember to advice me and pls take it easy on me. Thanks for your time



*JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH!!!!...This is the worst form of low self esteem i have ever read about...You need counselling seriously!....Your story,your mindset.everything is messed up..You had to look for someone who treats you the same way your dad treats your mum?ha!......


97 comments:

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(CHIEF) said...

Too long to read...

Promising star said...

Warrisdis!😤😤😤

Madame koinkoin a.k.a 'peace lover" said...

Did I just read that?

Anonymous said...

Eya... Parents please and please, teach your kids how to have self esteem.. Once a child looses his or her self esteem, they become a shadow of themselves..


Sorry dear... I don't know what to say.. That guy Na mad man... You wouldn't have told him you were raped.. There are Somethings that happen to you, you don't have to tell anyone.... And if you must do, you tell a therapist, not the person you are befriending... We human being, e get as we dey behave at times



Your self esteem needs to be UPGRADED.... you have zero self esteem



@ANONYMOUS ORUBEBE

BEDS AND ROSES said...

I couldn't even finish the story. Too long.
The way some of you women allow men to use you like rags I don't just understand.
Must you be in a relationship all the days of your life? You jump from one relationship to the other, don't think of having goals in life except man man man.
I don't even know what advice to give. This man has used up every thing in you mind, body,soul and spirit.
Pls stay away from this man or any man for that matter for now. You need to rediscover yourself,love yourself,God closer to God. Get a job and start your life afresh.

Greatlady. said...

Nka bu chronicle of life.
Poster, you need help asap! No one can help you except you. Break out from your mindset and low self esteem.

BIPOLAR ME said...

She needs help.

Psychological and Financial help.

She needs to move as far away from that man as she can and never look back.
Tell your mom to loan you some money, pick your child and clothes and move somewhere very far.

Did you finish your education? If you did, pick up a teaching job or a daycare job, just do something please.

You are worth more than your past, all of this, this story you wrote is in the past, wake up tomorrow like someone newly born and forge ahead.

Anonymous said...

Low self esteem & extreme very dangerous dependency on another human being.
Walking corpse!!!

Anonymous said...

Ladies should understand that a child before marriage is not a dead end.
My sister was raped and had a son. She lost a year at school.
The difference was that she had our support.
She's been happily married and her son just graduated.
It did not in any way set her life on a spiral like this lady that aborted. Abortion is just adding a second sad event upon another.

STARRY LARRY said...

I read everything. Madam, God will send helpers your way




*Larry was here*

Ralu M said...

This story has spoilt my day. I can't even begin to wrap my head around what you had/ have to put up with.

Anonymous said...

Actions have consequences.
Your parents instead of helping you to get healed from rape
Added another burden upon that which they never helped you to bear
You were unfortunately caught in a mire of their vain thinking to
"maintain a good public face and name"
When one kills (or encourages the killing of; see Prov. 6:16-17) innocent children, the consequences are three. 1. You deny yourself the joy of having a home (remember the Hebrew midwives who spared babies against Pharaoh's advice to kill them; God rewarded them with families; Ex.1) 2. You risk "sudden death" in the hands of another fellow/accidents etc. remember Gen.9:6 and thirdly, you deny yourself eternal life! What a life! God isn't going to call you to glory if you do not repent. Jesus said; come to me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest; that's Matt. 11:28. If you do not repent, you'd keep on laboring for the Serpent. But if you repent and make Jesus your Lord today and begin to read your scriptures; you'd find peace and the above three lots will not be yours.

FABIO PATSY said...

Hmmmmm.....like seriously, which planet are you from? What kind of advise do you need? You brought this to yourself.....i don't know what to say to you biko.

brown said...

This one na them dey call like mother like daughter,1st of all poster you have to ask God to show you mercy, great mercy,then u have to move on with your life,how can one person be facing this from a mna,i can't stand this type of bullshit all because of love or my child, take your child out of that environment, but the child in a boarding school for children and start up your life

chocolate preety said...

God! I couldn't even read all that she wrote inorder to avoid tears flowing down my cheeks and also to avoid my heart beating in fear. Please people that can offer meaningful advise should start commenting biko nu

Anonymous said...

Too painful to read....Am short of words

Anonymous said...

Too long. I couldn't finish reading.. Just summarize your chronicles. You people patient enough to read all the long epistles, pls advise her

Sharon Aminu said...

Hmmmm
Do u have a Bible?
Pls start reading

Anonymous said...

Lol

Chidinma Grace said...

I refused to end like my mum. That should be your prayer point from now onwards.

becky naka said...

All you need is help, I pray It locates you fast. Sorry for all you've been through.

Professor X said...

You better find a way to start extorting that demon and saving the money for your exit plan. Lie about everything. Inflate all food prices and save even the littlest Kobo. When you have saved enough to rent even a face me I destroy you, quietly take your child and disappear. Run far farrrrr away from the demon and your parents. Change your phone number and do not contact anyone. It'll be hard but you can start life all over again. You are strong and you can do it. Make up your mind to survive for yourself and your child. If you die where you are, they'll bury you and get over it. Your father will be the first to get over it infact. Be wise and get your life! Whenever you wake up, that's your morning. Seems you've just woken up so start planning fast! Good luck.

Juan Uchenna said...

Too much to count... poster the problem here is you, you don’t even believe in yourself. Your own low esteem is 100/100 I haven’t seen this type before, go and join a living church so that you can hear the word of God From there you can move on

Anonymous said...

For the first time in a long while, I read a very long chronicle, and I didn't get upset.

It is so sad that you let yourself get here. I am glad you are taking responsibility for your actions and not blaming anyone. First things first, you need to go to God in prayer, and ask for total forgiveness of sins. Then you have to find out how you can get help from NGO's that stand up for women in your situation. I heard they have some of such in Nigeria. Get counselling, and start building yourself. Speak to someone about taking you in for a while until you find your footing. While yoi are there, get a job. Passing out with a third class is no biggie, you can get a job. You have to leave that man, and that is the first point of redemption.
For now, do not talk back at him, to avoid being beat up. It is well with you. Leave your contact somehow, and I might reach out to you whenever I can. Stay positive.

MrsB said...

But this is what usually occurs. She only knows the familiar, which is how her father treated her mother and she sought out the familiar in another abuser... When people say 'stay for the sake of your children' this is what irks me to my soul. Her self esteem issues started with what she observed with her parents and she has cartied that into a new relationship. And the cycle goes on and on.
My dear, you need counselling. Seems the first thing you have to do is motivate yourself, constantly look for the good in yourself, despite what your abuser tells you. Your father doesn't want to see you, don't see him. I don't know if you're a Christian or a Muslim but either way, start going to Church or the Mosque, attend fellowships, Church service. Join a department and start working for God, this will help you meet more people, take your mind off things and also give you a sense of uselfulness.. Not to talk of how God will bless you once you choose to work for Him.
Do that for a while, get a job and please leave that man. You're not married anyway so really. He will only get worse and your father whom he should fear, is his ally. That scares the shit out of me because he feels he can get away with anything as he has your fathers support.
And please, while you're making these plans, don't talk back at him, don't 'provoke' him as you're with him alone with your son, don't give him the opportunity to hurt you.
You're in my prayers 💜

Cynthia Iyede said...

Hnmmm start by getting something to do so you can stand on your own. You need to leave that guy, it's not worth it.

If it means going to a good church, be serious there and get close them so you can explain all these and be helped, please do. You just need to stay away from that guy before he ends everything for you. Be strong, it's not the end for you, all will be well.

MrsB said...

Also you have a son now, you couldn't choose your father, you may not have chosen the right partner but please raise your son right. Break the pattern of abuse and raise him to be a good man. God be with you and grant you much needed strength

Cisca Chesca said...

I'm telling you!

My battery sef don low. Battery that I'm serving for job post.

Electronic City said...

Whr is ur location...so we know where we can recommend u go for advice and therapy

Chyluv! said...

At this point I'm so overwhelmed! What did i just read? you know you f#cked up big time, and your parents are not even helpful, first the complicated abortion must have been done by a quack, wtf, 3 yrs discharge? I'm happy u were able to even conceive again, and not have infertility issues, but u just did it with the wrong man, man is abusive as f$ck! Toxic relationship u are in, u need help and u need to get out fast, ur mother should step up n help cater for ur child now, don't u have any aunt or family member or friend who can temporarily adopt him, while u get ur act n life together and find work, get busy, dont just stay alone and depressed, ignore that useless man, but please try and leave that environment I beg you. Something bad may happen to you in that evil man's house. Don't know what else to say, like 11 f#cking years? Thats so depressing, but i can relate with the toxic relationship, been there, i realised in a year and left the next year despite all the threats and abuse. You should have walked long before now. It's never too late, with life there's hope. Hugs.

Sally jayd said...

Poster, you made a lot of mistakes because you were naive and lack self esteem. You Dad is not helping matters. Allowing his child to be cohabiting with a man that has not paid her bride price and still maltreats her.

You need to leave that beast, find any organisation around you that help women like you. Forget about your family for now. Ignore what your Dad says about disowning you. Focus on getting your life back in track.

Ladies stop telling your boyfriend/husband about your past because they will definitely use it against you.

Joy Okanje said...

My dear leave your child and move it will be difficult but bear it will be worse if you leave with him. Nothing will happen to the child infact it will give you zeal to succeed in life

sholetoga said...

Poster.....you have suffered....WTH. We parents should try and live a model life our children can emulate. Not a life that will create confusion in our children mind cause if poster's parents create a loving environment for her she would have known what loving a person entails.
Please ladies stop telling men your past. Everyone has a past and it's not compulsory you share a past that can affect how you are viewed especially if its not something that can affect the other person's wellbeing. Some past needs to remain in the past. I have said my own ohhhhhh
God will rise up for you dear Poster. E-hug dear

Olori Orente said...

What a wawu
You need psychological, spiritual and financial help
May help locate you

Deep sigh

Love made me said...

This is serious... Don't even know what to say...you allowed him to treat you so badly and he got use to it...

I use to have an ex like that...I had to start reading books, had mentors and built my self confidence because mine happened because I was abused when I was young...

I made up my mind not to allow any man talk to me anyhow or take bullshit...
I woke up one day and left my ex and all that had to do with him...I met a man who made me value myself more and helped to build my confidence...though he is late but God used him for me...
I'm not married but I have my self esteem back...

You need to leave that man, he is not good for you at all...
You may also need someone to talk and counsel you...

Always look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve the best...you are beautiful... Nobody has the right to put you down...

Oh Lamee said...

Kini gbogbo randan randan yi mehn! In this 21st century???? This is unbelievable.

Anonymous said...

She needs help and counseling fast if this is real. That is why abusive homes are not good. Most times girls marry men like their fathers.

Nina said...

I am in tears right now.. How can one person be passing through this.. My dear I don't want to blame you even though i know your insecurity caused u this.. I think u still have the chance of leaving that 'beast 'before he kills you emotionally ..The Lord is your strength

St.FranKooL.... said...

#You will lose yourself, if you need someone else to define you*

Anonymous said...

This is so sad, too much for one person. But why do guys behave so badly to their wives? I pray help locate you, and pls be prayerful.

Anonymous said...

NO BRAIN! She should put a 2year old in a boarding school?

Madam Estateowner said...

I read your chronicle with anger boiling up in me why you allowed a human like to bring you so low. No! No! You need help and it's starts from you. 1. Look for a bible believing church to go for counseling. Once, he leaves for work jet out and look for help.2. Look for any job no matter the amount.3. You can also go to welfare_ women empowerment centre and talk to the counselors _ you can find them in local govt, search for them and you won't regret.4. You need to flee from that man fast. Stop thinking evil and brace up. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself this must stop and now. Above all you need God's mercy and intervention. Pray and be wise. God will see you through

grace okeiyi said...

You need to take ur child and relocate from where u are,thats no life.dont worry God ll provide for u and ur children

Anonymous said...

Do not listen to this person. Take your child with you. Never ever leave your child there. He will grow up to hate you, and you would compound your grief. God will see you through.
Like someone said above, join a church and be a worker. God will help you.

Nobi's Mum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cisca Chesca said...

*saving

Cisca Chesca said...

My dear, I pray help gets to you soon.
You need serious counselling.
Don't worry God will come through for you.

Beloved said...

I can't believe I finished reading this.

Babe Na you biko... You really need counseling like SDK already mentioned.
Again Stop looking for who to love, Look for God's love. Plead with him to make you whole.

Oh Lord I can't even start to imagine your everyday life. It's well

BLOGLORD (MVBM) said...

Oh no! This is really sad.

Her biggest mistake was telling him about the rape and all.
He is a manipulative, self centered egoistic man who took total advantage of her to make her feel totally worthless .

What she needs first and foremost is counselling.
Then Financial aid to help her
change environment (somewhere far away from her base to help erase the hurtful past)
*A job to sustain her and her baby.
*And her mum by her side for encouragement.
With time, making good friends and meeting a few good people spun the dark areas of her life for good.






Jeni_zee said...

She knows, she’s down already, don’t kick her ! Advice her nd show compassion

Jeni_zee said...

Honestly.. I almost cried nd wish I can help her

Push up said...

Please look for a job no matter how small, you need to get out of that place, I wish someone can find you a job in another state sef, cus your environment is really toxic (both your boyfriends and your parents) you don't need to be around that much negativity. Your mothers life is an example of your future, break out now, even if you have to stay in an uncompleted building,just break out, you can start selling food to labourers, mechanics or anyone around, but I think you need to leave the state you are in right now,so your baby daddy wouldn't be able to control you

Anonymous said...

She said he doesn’t give her money, how would she collect it?

O J said...

Poster, you just need to pick up the pieces of your life and forge ahead because of your son.
Now is the time to start planing your escape route, tell no one....
I'm glad u have realised your mistake and can correct it.

I'm so mad at that vile adult who took advantage of a broken girl!

Love yourself from this day henceforth and avoid his wrath whenever he comes around. Hopefully, things will turn around for the better soon.

I wish I could speak with you...

Jeni_zee said...

Exactly go to a church nd be active there nd explain yourself , look for those churches like apostle suleiman nd sign fireman church nd explain yourself , u can even work in a church department nd get paid

sophie wise said...

11years of pain and trauma, my dear you need to just leave that man, trust me sucide is not an option. you have a life to live... I don't even know what to say.. Just find a way to leave.. to a church that can accommodate am sure there are people you can talk to... then you would know the next step to take.. but for now please leave...... God will definitely help you..

Jeni_zee said...

Why would a mother leave her child? My God!

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a Ugegbe Chike Teflon said...

You sent a chronicle before didn't you? When they asked you not to marry you boyfriend. This was years ago. You spoke about the rape ans abortions and bones coming out of your vagina. And how he stood by you for yesrs and now they don't want you to marry him.

Wait let me go and finish reading. Because that part has been on here before.

Esther Mgbolu said...

Jesus christ!couldn't finish,read it half way.This lady needs help fast abeg

Anonymous said...

Nne,am sorry for being this harsh but don't confuse stupidity for low self-esteem.

my opinion said...

Hmmmm

Based on psychology, many girls fall in love with men that behave like their father.

Poster, you have two options, you either leave that man and make up your mind to face life and any risk you find out there

Or you FACE the bastard*!

Men like this are weaklings. The more you cry, the more he will keep maltreating you. You have to change it for him. This will not be easy at all because he may start domestic violence. But be determined. This is your life and your battle. Get strong n face it!!!

Let him assume you have turned werey**. Put fear inside that man so he will respect himself. Power needs to change hands.

Start exercising if you can for confidence booster.

Also pray to God for wisdom of Solomon to achieve this.

All the best

Ps: Don't know if this advice is right o, but this is what came into my head as i type cos i am angry reading this. But I doubt I am far from the truth...

Honey said...

Lengthy but I had to read through. Judging you will amount no help poster but sincerely the deed has been done and the way forward should be your priority for now.

Forget getting help from your parents as it is obvious they will never help you. Why don't you even imagine you growing up without parents, dear you would still live your life.

You need to accept that your baby daddy will never marry you. Don't even be surprised he has his wife and children in another state or outside the country.

Thank God you are schooled, please dust yourself up and take the bold decision of leaving.

Are you saying you don't even have any relative or friend to confide in all these years? Talk to them of what you have been through and stop the low self esteem. So many people are victims of rape and it helped by speaking out. Some eventually have gotten married and living happily.

Thank God you don't have infertility problem as a result of the abortion so bury that story in your past.

You are the architect of your own happiness and thus must decide on what you want.

Do you have a place worship? Mosque or church? Please go out and seek help. Enough of this pity party. You are more intelligent than this and the future is very bright.

All the best as I expect to read your breakthrough chronicle soon.

Above all, take everything to God in prayers.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a Ugegbe Chike Teflon said...

Stella please post her account details in IHN tommorow. Lets give what we can.
Madam, i read till the end. You need to pick up your child and leave that place FAST! Forget both your parents and that man immediately. And believe that you will succeed in life. Don't leave and doubt yourself, its of no use if you do. Leave, believing that grace and favour will find you and your child.
He hasnt paid your bride price so you're already a single mum. Its not the end of the world. Don't tie yourself to him as if hes your husband. Useless man!! Just leave that toxic place abeg.

Anonymous said...

I'm a trained psychologist. I remember a story where I commented that part of the consequences of DV is that children end up seeking partners like their parents albeit unconsciously. I got so many insulting replies. It's what I trained for and even till now we do not know why children of abusive parents gravitate towards abusive partners. That's what they see as normal because they just don't know anything else.

Anonymous said...

Chikito for some reason I remembered that story just some days back with the bone discharge and all. I don't know if its the same poster though but their stories are similar.

Anonymous said...

This is the most terrible thing I've ever read, please poster how can someone contact you? If Stella will allow your comment under this post can you open a new email and post it under the comment I want to contact you and help you the smallest way I can. I can't believe this. Stella please I am begging you can you please provide an avenue for me to speak to this lady please.

me said...

".... the way some of you women allow men to use you..". Such haughty and self righteous attitude!

This girl met this guy before she had a personality. That guy molded into what she is now. And how did she jump from one relationship to another? This guy is practically the only man she has known all her life except for the brief thing she had with the young guy. Meanwhile, I'm sure your body count is more than 10.

Let's be sensitive when we talk to others, especially those that are already broken. It is by chance that me and you are not in such situation, not because we are better or smarter.

We are fortunate to be raised by better parents. We are fortunate to have gotten the needed support even when terrible things such as rape in teenage years happened. We are fortunate that we've been told long before any man told us otherwise how valuable and Beautiful we are. We've been fortunate to meet angels, kind hearted lovers that continues to nuture our self esteem, they showed us first, how we should be treated, they have raised the bar, so we recognise scumbags when we see them. We've been fortunate to have good fathers that have shown us first-hand how men should treat women.

We've been fortunate to have wonderful families that are ready to clean up our mess even when we keep falling. When we mess up, we are confident that there are people that are waiting for us with open arms to help us start again.

So please, don't talk down on those
Who are not as fortunate as you.

Poster, are you on FB, and can you join FIN if you are not a member already? You can do this by asking your female friend if they belong to the group so that they can add you. You will see how other women handled situation similar to yours from the group.

Don't you belong to any religious group? You can make friends in the church. And Jehovah witnesses preach from house to house, welcome them and discuss the Bible with them from time to time.

You need contact with the outside world, and you need encouragement from the Bible.

me said...

You see, support is everything!

me said...

As in eh! Wicked people everywhere!

Queen vashti said...

I still married a man like my dad or even worse. With all my intelligence and know know. At least my dad was not the religious type so his shortcomings could be attributed to him not knowing God. My husband is a deacon and they are worse kind of abusers. Justifying abuse and male chauvinism with the bible. I feel your pains dear. Would love to extend a helping hand.

me said...

For all you care, the discharge may even be infection she got from the man and he will make her believe it is from the Abortion. After all she said the discharge started when she got to the university.

This one that you said the man sleeps around, better be careful before he infects you with HIV.

me said...

Bones from vagina? Never heard of a thing like this before.

Anonymous said...

Poster send an email we can reach you on.....u need to speak with a counselor...if u have acces to the internet, google shelter and safety homes around your area....pls anyone who has the address for pastor funky adejumos shelter pls give her.....poster if you really need help like you say and tired of your life then you need to get out of that house fast....forget that man and your father, his forgiveness wilt not take you to heaven cos it has no basis....Dont even contact your mum for now cos she will tell your dad and he will tell that goat u live with....take your son and run to any shelter that offers you help.....don't let that man intimidate you..he has seen you are a fool and have no self esteem that's why.....yes you have been a fool but that is the past, face forward and determine to make it without him....pls send your contact I want to talk to you. I don't want to leave my details here. Am a woman and your story has pained me to my soul cos no man has a right to treat you this way. God has made you for so much more than this..BE STRONG

Waiting on God said...

Meehhnn.. This is really messed up. Please leave that state entirely. Ask your mom for some money, and... I don't even know what to sah

Waiting on God said...

Meehhnn.. This is really messed up. Please leave that state entirely. Ask your mom for some money, and... I don't even know what to sah

Lady T/ am worth more than a thousand dollars said...

Dear poster, I couldn't read the whole of your story. It messed me up and I had to stop.

This man is wicked and is not good for you. Whichever way you can pls leave him. Yes, abortion is not right but you won't be the first.
Forgive yourself and tell yourself the best is yet to come. Tell yourself you deserve happiness.
If you can, pls write 10 or more affirmation you say to yourself everyday as you wake up. Example.

1. I am beautiful
2. I am strong
3. I am intelligent
4. I am blessed.
5. I don't let situations get me down.
6. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
7. God has a plan for me.
8. Today is the best day of my life.
9. I stand up for myself cos I matter and I am important.
10. My mistakes are not my end. I pick up and move on.
11. I am courageous.

Write as many as you can. Say them every morning. And if you are a Christian pls read your Bible. PS 139. Jer. 29:11.
In Jeremiah, I can't get the place now, God says He has loved you with and everlasting love.
That your life seems to be in a mess is no bother to Him. He will put the pieces of your life back together if you ask Him
Tell Him you don't know which way to go and let Him sort you out.
But whatever you do leave that man. He is a wicked wicked man.

It Is a pity that slfir some people when God brings people into their lives they take advantage instead of helping out. God judges such wickedness.

Red Wine said...

Poster you need a break, you need to get out of this house. You need help so fast, it is well.

Iphie dearie said...

I don't even know why I opened this post tonight. I'm in tears.

I remember part of this story. You sent it in complaining about bones coming out of your vagina.

If her details will be made available.. I'm hoping majority of us will help.
This is horrible!

Joy Okanje said...

practical solutions is a dream in this country. That child can only hate her if she becomes more worthless and stupid in life. Who will hate Mrs Alakija as a mother

Lipstick said...

Some of the comments are even longer than the Chronicle sef. Stella, provide a way for us to assist this Lady. She is in deep shit.😔😔

MAZI Chidi said...

This z damn long.all i can say is sorry

MAZI Chidi said...

U need to report him to the authorities

Anonymous said...

Anon 18:18, that is not true. The poster story seems exactly like what my mother went through with my so called father for 22 years but the only difference was that she went through times ten of that and he was the one who raped my mum and she was forced to marry him. She was practically an orphan when they met.
She was always at his mercy.
I remember back then how he would tie up her hand with wire and beat her for long hours till blood came out of her body, and he always dared her to shout for no one would save her and truly nobody did. He slaps her at will in front of anyone and everyone. She doesn't leave the room he left her in till he comes back be it the next day or whenever or else she was in trouble. People mocked my mum and called her a prisoner but no one helped. Until 23 years later when my big sis was up on her feet and took us all away when he went out, and that was the last time he saw any one of us.
But mind you it affected me psychologically for since then I always have this desire to dominate men.
It makes me happy when they cower before me and I can't just stop the feeling.
If a lady jokingly tap me or says my friend keep quiet joor, I overlook it but when a guy does the same thing that's the end.
I don't have any relationship due to this for guys complain am very harsh but we know thats not true they just dont understand how a woman can put them in their place and I don't know how to stop and I don't even want too.
The day my boyfriend of two weeks pointed his finger to my face and shouted at me was the last time he saw me, the day another one disconnected the call while I was talking was the last time he heard from me. I dont hate men but majority of them need to get some manners. If you are not ready to worship the ground I walk on, bros shift,for am i not for you.
Whenever I tell my friends my husband will never raise his hands on me, they laugh saying "never say never", but I look at them and shake my head, for they don't know the reason behind that.
Men are scared of me because they always have to be on their best behaviour all the time.
I don't care about getting married but when I do i won't marry someone like my father.

Anonymous said...

19:04.....Better person... Your head too correct.. May God bless you o jarre.

Don't mind some licked mouth


I see you @Sis
I love you @Sis


You have nailed it already... Poster just follow this advice by a sensible person



@ANONYMOUS ORUBEBE

Anonymous said...


At the center of it all
It’s you that I see (2x)

There is power in your name
Miracles happen in your name

As we lift our voice in praise
It’s you that I see (2x)

Bridge:
You are bigger
Bigger than d biggest
You are stronger
Stronger than the strongest

You are higher
Higher than the highest
You are greater
Greater than the greatest

Jesus (8x)





Poster, after showing my dad this chronicle.... He sang this song for you... Sure, you gonna be blessed Dear

God got you



@ANONYMOUS ORUBEBE

me said...

So if Alakija's children has been raped because of neglect, you think they won't hate their mother because she is rich.

I have counselled many rich kids that have deep seated grudge against their parents because they feel certain things happened to them while their parents were chasing money and did not have time for them.

My dear, parenting is not all about money.

How can you advise a woman to leave her child with the monster she is running from?

CUTEBUKOLAH said...

Poster pls learn to keep things to ur self especially secrets cus it's nt all clothes dat can b spread outside nd pls go for counseling ooo

Kiara kiara said...

My darling, God definitely loves you and He has better plans for you.

Please leave your baby daddy and run for your life. Take you child with you and I know that the heaven would open to surprise you.

me said...

Love you too Sis, I see you.

Ikuenogbon Boladale said...

@ Stella, Please can I have this lady'd detail. Is she in Lagos? I can link her with a social worker. She needs help urgenly. She can reach me on my email. Thank you

Anonymous said...

as long as both of you aint married, let your mum stand in for you, take you out of that place. you can get a room to stay somewhere then find a source of income. that guy is devilish. WHY THESE KINDS OF MEN NO DEY JAM PERSON LIKE ME? HE WONT SEE MY BACK. WHAT KIND OF TORTURE IT THIS

inope victory said...

I read half and I got tired mbok... Babe I'm talking out of experience... LEAVE HIM ALONE AND START YOUR LIFE AFRESH
it's not going to be an easy journey.. But you have a child already, go back to business and try to make your child comfortable as you can.
Forget about men or getting into a relationship or even getting married sef.
Focus on your success and let it be your best revenge! Take pride in whatever you venture into now and let your child and his future be your priority.
Pray and ask God for wisdom and direction.
That man will NEVER CHANGE.. even if he pretends for a cause now... At every given interval hi true color will come out, it will leave you in pain and it maybe too late for you to opt out then, so now is the time to stand up for yourself.

Anonymous said...

Stella please drop this lady’s contact- email or number so we can offer ‘practical’ help to her as opposed to mere words of wisdom.
Poster please how do we reach you?

Skittles said...

Pls where is your location? I pray God gives you strength to come out of this with your son strong , healthy and bold. Where is your location . pls drop an email under comments.

Amacastel said...

May God deliver you der

Anonymous said...

Pls drop her contact here Stella for financial support

Anonymous said...

Bones???? How? Please see a doctor.

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