Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Ex Actress Stella Damasus Reveals She Was Mentally Abused By "Her Man"

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Friday, 1 December 2017

Ex Actress Stella Damasus Reveals She Was Mentally Abused By "Her Man"

US based Ex Nollywood actress, Stella Damasus has revealed she was mentally abused by "her man" in 2009.
After the death of her first husband Jaiye Aboderin in 2003, she re-married Emeka Nzeribe in 2009, but the marriage lasted for just 9 months.....






*copied from here down, from her site...


''I remember one day in 2009, I had just signed a contract with a new management company and they sent their marketing manager to take pictures of me so that they could build a press kit and other materials for work. The man I was dating at the time was in my house
for a visit, and we were both in the living room when the marketing manager came in. As he entered we exchanged pleasantries and I introduced him to my boyfriend who gave him the most arrogant and disgusting look ever. The marketing manager brought out his hand to shake him but my boyfriend walked away and didn't even acknowledge his presence.


I apologized to the guy who was really shocked as he was sure they had never met. He was so confused and had to ask me if he did something wrong. I was highly embarrassed but had to quickly change the subject as usual.
I say as usual because it was becoming a trend with my boyfriend. I knew how arrogant my boyfriend could be but I didn't think it would be that bad.


Anyway, I went upstairs to meet the glam squad in my dressing room so they could do their magic. When I was done, I got dressed and foolishly went to my boyfriend in the other room so he could see how beautiful I looked and maybe get a compliment. Instead, he looked at me and started calling me all sorts of names. I cannot even begin to mention the names i was called.


Now, you may read this and wonder why he would call me names without provocation. That is how the mind of an abuser works. They don’t need provocation to abuse you. They just want to show and boost their power over you. To those who have never experienced emotional and mental abuse, this is absurd.


At this point, I was used to hearing those names but for some reason, I still could not end the relationship. On different occasions, I had tried to end it but I was not psychologically strong enough.


This sounds strange coming from someone like me who is bold and fearless right? it may shock you to know that when men like that come into your life, they study your strengths and weaknesses. Then they begin to attack your weaknesses and make you even more vulnerable. The next thing they do is to systematically isolate you from those who are supposed to be your support system. At that time you will not even notice what he is doing because you will begin to think he cares for you more than anyone else. He had already messed with my mind. I felt helpless and small.




 I had the courage to ask him what I had done wrong and you would not believe the answer I got. He said "you guys think I am stupid, why would you ask them to send a guy who looks like that to you. Don't they have women who work for them?". I told him I had no control over who they send or who they employ. He responded by saying, "it's your house so if you have any respect for me you would have made sure it was not a guy who speaks with a nice accent, dresses well and is cute; coming to your house. What if I was not here? You were already smiling like a fool even though I was right there. What would have happened if I was not here?


At that point, I knew that there was nothing more to say.



As I made to leave he grabbed my arm and forced me to sit down. The insults came rushing through my ears as I sat and cried. I messed up everything the glam squad had done. To avoid embarrassment and gossip I went to the guest room and asked the children's nanny to let the glam squad go. They were paid and they left. I went back and tried to fix what was left of my make up, went downstairs to do the photoshoot and as soon as l was done, I made the marketing manager and his team leave.


When I went back upstairs, my boyfriend was waiting to continue the insults. At this point, I knew I had to be strong. So, I told him that if he felt he was too good for me, he should get the HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE. He didn't believe how serious I was until I started yelling.


He threatened to hit me and I told him he would spend the rest of his life in Jail and I would spend all my money making sure he was tortured every day. He looked me in the eye and saw how serious I was. That was when he knelt down and started begging. He apologized and said he didn't know what came over him and that he needed help. I looked away but he continued and told me how everyone else had given up on trying to help him. Blah blah blah blah he continued.


You would think that after all this I would end it once and for all but unfortunately, I took him back. Before you start passing judgment, remember that when your weakness is attacked and your support system is not there anymore, you feel alone and helpless. It's not a choice you willingly make, it is as a result of the psychological abuse. There are very very few women who go through this and come out sane. Imagine being with someone who constantly makes you feel less than you are. Who puts all the negative stuff in your face and starts to make you look at yourself differently. After a while, you begin to believe his lies and doubt your truth.


That was when I realized that domestic abuse is not just physical. It is also mental and psychological which are worse sometimes. With the physical you know where the bruises are and can treat them. Unfortunately, with the mental, you become a slave to your own mind which is controlled by the abuser. He makes it seem like it's your fault and at the same time makes you feel he needs you.


No one knows what you are going through because they don't see the scars. Even when you tell them, they trivialize it because you can't show proof. So you suffer in silence and pain. When you discuss it with people who you believe can help, the first question they ask you is "why don't you just leave him?".


Friends and family who are not qualified psychologists and therapists are not equipped to handle mental and psychological abuse.


It took me a while to discover a few psychologists in Nigeria, but they don’t get many clients because mental therapy is not an AFRICAN thing. WRONG! We need it now more than ever before.


A lot of women go through this every day and even when they come out of the relationship, they don't see the need to go to counseling or therapy that can help them heal. So, they end up dating the same kind of man because that is what their mental state recognizes. They fall for men who would control them again
not because they are stupid but because that is what their minds are familiar with''.



*Errrrrrrrr,OK:::She survived it and that is what matters...I guess it helps with closure and helps some people know they can walk away if some people tell their stories...

38 comments:

amanda favour said...

Odiegwu!!!
Akuko mike ejeagha!
Is that why you'll find closure in some one else's husband

MP3JUICE said...

That's Facts

Miss Ess said...

Hmmmmm.....thank God for her.

Stellas Cookies and Cream said...

Lol @ ex actress, she still acts abroad na. Stella you wee not kee somebody.
I carry mat come here today.. as Mohammed is celebrating his birthday and no work.

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(CHIEF) said...

Why won't your ex abuse you when you were openly fucking other men?...
If you are in a relationship and wanna cheat,do it codedly....
Stella,the guy know what you are capable of doing that's why he reacted that way!...
I hope you have changed!!...

Anonymous said...

I understand where she’s coming from. And a lot of what she’s written resonates with me and many women. But the problem with this message is the messenger. She’s not credible and her past hangs over her like a dark cloud.

nnuku Sexy pant-like boxers. 08170506432 Order now said...

Mmmmn.
Let me come and be going

HummingBird said...

Hmmmmm so long a right up...but I made it to the end.. Its wrong for any one to think that "family and friends who are not qualified psychologist are not equipped to handle mental or psychological abuse. As little as they know, as ignorant as they may seem they are more sane that the person involved. They see clearly and warn about the impending doom.while the person directly involved will be so blinded and carried away. Women and men should learn from others experience o, do not wait to experience it yourself before you borrow your self sense.

Arsenal Firstlady said...

She survived and went ahead to inflict someone else more than what she suffered. Psychological, emotional, physically trauma. Stella Damascus onye oshi ndi mmadu. That makes you even worst than that Nzeribe of a guy.

Anonymous said...

Very true. Met my husband as a virgin, but he is jealous, obsessive and always quick to call me names including hoe. I used to just sit in a corner and cry, until one day I could not take it anymore. Now I send it back to his mother and that really annoys him. I then told him I am somebody's mother too, if you respect your mother, then respect me too. Domestic violence is in the marriage, I always fight back though. He is aware of his anger issue and making efforts (but they said abusers can never change). I know the marriage is toxic and I am even more scared after reading stories of men/women who unintentionally killed their spouse in such meaningless fights. I do not want to die young or kill someone when defending myself. I really do not know the future of the marriage because there is only so much one can take, and I do not want my child to grow up in an abusive environment......time will tell if he will change or if we will peacefully go our separate ways. I hope he changes though.......

La' Sunshine said...

Take the message and leave the messenger alone it is only Jesus Christ that is holy and perfect and the only peraon that can judge us so pls let's hear word.
If she is doing anything wrong we are no place to judge her
Don't judge so that you will not be judge
If you know you are without sin then cast the first stone enough with this she snatched someone's husband the man his not a baby now haba.

Anonymous said...

I've been a victim of physiological trauma. Mine was so bad that at a point I felt worthless. Each time I tried to speak out I was jokingly reminded that I was already a born 2. I got really scared when he started complaining about my body. He said I did things to my body to make me look like I've never giver to birth. A baby face, pointed breast, flat tummy and tiny waist. Where I work now only one person knows I have 2kids. You can never guess. It took all my Will power to walk away. I realized that I was never even married but everything was just to tie me down. My story is scary. I left that situationship and he got diabolical. Threatened so many things. That made me get up and look for God. Truly there is a God and I found him. Some men are from hell, no matter how good you are, their father is the devil, so there is no helping you there. Stella pls make a post on physiological and diabolical violence against women. I'm sure you'll be shocked.

I am king EZE said...

I love stella Damascus regardless.....I sat beside her on a flight enroute enugu years ago ,didn't even know who she was. Was sad about going back to school ,living with my grandma (her tough live was unbearable) she tried to cheer me up and gave me a 30 mins lecture about the importance of education(lol). She made me laugh;I love people who can make me laugh when I don't even want to smile.

Anonymous said...

Domestic, mental and emotional violence is true but my question to Stella Damascus is...

Why did u fucckunize your sister's husband and almost broke her marriage?

Thank God they ve made up and are back together.

My truth said...

Stella I totally understand you. Our cases are not the same in that you have a source of income(money) while I don't .
Dated for this man for 3years now,he made me believe lots of things about him(even if most are true),he studied me all over,he knows my strength & weaknesses, he took advantage of me,collected my 40,000 all in the name of helping me get one job like that in 2015, refused to pay back the 12k he owes me, funny thing is this man is well to do, he is not lacking yet he never spends on me, he told me so many things I can't even type, says he loves me & no man will ever love me, he claims he monitors me(which I don't believe) ,calls me ashawo if I don't pick his call, tells me if I leave him for another man,the man will beat me & kill me, tells me he is the only man that loves & understands me. I don't know how I developed a kind of weakness/love toward him that if he refuses to speak to me I can't just be myself.
He stood me up several times without a tangible reason, when he is on site work i will become his airtime supplier which he never pays back, I didn't mind because I really loved him & he always make me believe we both going to be good together,he will marry me, bla bla!

I finally realised that these promises will never end & this man is never going to change(mind you he calls me wife,met his family,he is a matured person much older than man, but has refused to marry).
I started seeing it that even if this man marries me,my life will be terrible, he is going to turn me into something else,I made a decision never to take him serious,I stopped calling even if it wasn't easy, but I stopped ,he noticed & started calling & acting all nice,always asking me to pray for him, but deep inside me I have made up my mind never to see him as anything important in my life any more,I thank God I have started getting back my self, even if I don't have a job or good man at the moment I just know my life won't stop neither will it remain this way, I thank God I have a supporting family even if we are not millionaires we are still living well,helping each other. its better off than being with a man who takes advantage of me & makes me feel worthless.
Upbringing matters a lot too in these things, I admit I'm from the kinda home where my father is not just supportive & my parents fought a lot, only love only came from my mum & siblings, like some times in my secondary school days I always felt my parents don't love me.
All my life I searched for someone to love me the way I thought it is supposed to be. Still I don't think it is an excuse to be in such a relationship.

President D'Royalty (Stella's Original Blog Bff) said...

Nice read
Take the message and leave the messenger.

Anonymous said...

The only sensible comment..even madam sdk had judged her already..pretenders everywhere

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much. I really don't know why every body comes for her every time her name is mentioned. At the end of the day those castigating her have slept with one married man or the other. We are all guilty even you the so called virgin. let's fear God.

Valerie said...

Keep hoping oh till ya akuo gi nke ga akutu gi na ani.

Anonymous said...

Babes congratulations. The guy na bad market.

Anonymous said...

Liar. @bloglord where are you at? Shey you said if you reveal her jist this blog will close down?

Anonymous said...

You just told my story.....he calls me an "after 2", "a loser",
"oloriburuku" even though I have years of working experience and a masters from an overseas university. He dropped out from university. I was just taking time to build a family and raise my young kids.

Thank God for the strength to walk away. Things women endure to raise a family. My ex can't go diabolical on me because my hands are clean rather he is the one suffering and crying. God is fair and just in his judgment, seek him out through fasting and midnight prayers.

Cynthia Iyede said...

Hnmmm Ok

Blackberry said...

Why won't he? When u opened ya legs for your brother inlaw n he probably heard d gist.

fine girl said...

Thank God you did not marry him.I wish I took the same. Decision, my life would have been better today.#happiness is key.#emotional/psychologicalabuseisreal

Mz Poundz said...

SDK! you just don't vibe with this woman. I understand how it is,most people don't like her anymore.. I used to like her acting tho but I'm yet to see the reason she's married to a man who hasn't properly divorced his former wife. She's got lots of black clouds hanging over her, ages just lucky she's not in Nigeria... many women & their critisism would've made her slip into depression.

Anonymous said...

hmmm. so I am not alone. I know I am a smart woman but don't know how to make smart choices. Everyone one in my family is mocking me.

Anonymous said...

Anything to remain in the news. E pele o, Aunty DANA. That is why you took someone else’s husband? Ole olojukokoro

Anonymous said...

Bitch plis, do not judge who? But she was quick to judge Doris over the child custody thing when she should have sat on the fence?? Stupid fuckaholic.

I have no issues with what anyone does or who they sleep with, just don't pretend and hide under the guise of Christianity to do it.

Anonymous said...

Story of my life! The only difference is I have just one child, not 2. Dude has gone diabolical. I am not moved though because my hands clean and God will always fight for me. He will end up disgraced. The day of reckoning is near

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmm..... Very powerful message. I have been guilty of spreading and revelling in her past stories but just decided to stop and move on, I'm pretty sure the parties involved have moved on as well.


I really hope the cyber world forgives Stella soon, if Britain could forgive Camilla, then its very possible. I just hope Toke doesn't fall into this type of cycle where everything you say or do is coloured by one lousy decision in the past. It is well.

Anonymous said...

Stella Damasus is all over this post like she was on Library, commenting as anonymous pretending to have found some allies in her miserable life

La' Sunshine said...

Shut up you sound bitter. Not everyone is judgemental like you

Anonymous said...

Stella has hijacked this post my dear, she's anonymous all over the the place. Saying she understands her own situation.

Xhlrted P said...

I concur. Message is good.

That line "you were already smiling....."
Stella Damasus and Blokes in crispy suits = 5 and 6.
Kikiki.

She passed through a whole lot.

Anonymous said...

Same here just that mine ex husband abused me @ 12yrs that's how the situationship started tlill am 24yrs old, we has been diabolical uptill today refuse to contribute to the upbringing of our 3kids, trust me am better off without him.

Anonymous said...

Once again people miss the message! SDK sets the tone. And we repeat the abuse cycle.
I commend Stella despite all allegations. As she betters herself she shares her experience. She was abused as a child and even blamed. Do you know the effect to her mind. Watch alter ego please.
Some are not fortunate to get help. This write up helps!
I find out those who throw insults are those facing similar challenges!

Anonymous said...

Sorry but he won't change. Change doesn't just happen without any effort...

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