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STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP ISSUES

Hi Stella,

I would like to hear the opinions of open minded individuals as my relationship is unconventional especially in a country like ours. This narrative is going to be a bit lengthy so bear with me.

So a little back story.

Some years back I attended my industry conference and during tea break I saw the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid my eyes on. 

I was scared shitless to approach her cos you could clearly see she was above my league. Lol.

 I’m man enough to acknowledge that but I didn’t give up, I observed her during the 3-days conference and on the final day, I gathered liver and approached her.

 To my surprise she was very welcoming and soft spoken. We had small talk about our industry(at this point other colleagues had joined us) and I asked for her contact and she told me she would give me when she sees me in the next conference we were having 3 months from that time. 

It was in another country. Damn!. 

I just told her ok and we said our goodbyes.

I couldn’t afford to travel for that conference but I doubled my hustle and even borrowed money from my friend because I wanted to meet her. My friend even discouraged me and said what if she didn’t attend, what would I do?

I applied for my visa, to my shock I was given quickly, I paid for my hotel and bought my ticket. I had never been that excited to meet a woman before.

When I arrived, I was on the look out for her. Immediately I spotted her in the hall, it was like Christmas Day. I let her know I was around and that evening we met up with other colleagues and had dinner and chatted as a group. 

After dinner I immediately asked for her number and she obliged.

We started chatting here and there. I asked that we meet up when we get back to Nigeria because we were on a time crunch as the conference was packed with back to back activities.

I told her my intentions because man cannot be wasting time and would like to take her on a date but she turned me down and insisted we remain colleagues. I asked her why and she told me I wouldn’t understand her lifestyle. I told her to try me and she laughed.

After much pressure, she agreed on a date with me. During the date, I reiterated that I wanted her to be my girlfriend and she dropped a bomb on me.

She told me that she is in a relationship but is also open to date me, she dates two men at a time exclusively, so if I want to date her, I should be aware that she has another man.

 She is polyamorous. 

She doesn’t date women, only men and not more than two men at a time. I was stunned and just couldn’t understand why a well accomplished, pretty lady would chose this type of lifestyle. I had so many questions but couldn’t even speak out of shock.

 I left that date angry.

There are rules, there are no threesomes, she would sleep with the men in the relationship individually, I am open to date a female if I want to but I must let her know and we must do routine STI screening every 4 months.

She told me to take my time and make a decision and if I was on board she’ll introduce me to her other man.

I was like hell nah! I can’t share.

As weeks went by I just couldn’t stop thinking about her. I called her and asked to meet again and she was honest to let me know that she could sense this was a new territory for me and would advise that I forgot about her but my coconut head no gree.

 I was intrigued and told her to give me a chance.

We met up and I met the other man. He is older than both of us but was very welcoming. He just told me to keep an open mind and if I wasn’t comfortable, I should speak up. We chatted, ate and had a good date.

She sees us separately, he knows when she’s with me and I know when she’s with him. It’s just for transparency in our relationship. She is faithful to us both.

I thought to myself let me just have fun while it lasts, but now I’m hooked and fallen deep in love with her.

On some occasion my friends have mentioned that they saw her with the other man at events and stuff but I’ll just tell them that they’re close friends. Only my best friend knows the truth.

Now it’s been years dating her and it’s been the best years of my life!

Ever since I met her, my life has elevated for the better. Who would have thought being in a polyamorous relationship will bring me so much peace and happiness?

She is the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known. Her spirit is so calming and she couldn’t hurt a fly. I’m madly in love with her.

The issue now is I want to settle down and start a family. I want kids and I want her to be the mother of my kids but she has said marriage isn’t in the cards for her ( she has mentioned this at the early stage of our relationship). 

We are both in our 30s. I don’t want to marry any other woman, it’s her I want.

At one point during our relationship, I had another girlfriend(gf 2). I made sure she was aware of my lifestyle and introduced her to my girlfriend(gf 1) but as we progressed she became uncomfortable and would always compare my relationships with her(gf 2) to hers(gf 1).

She later claimed I loved my girlfriend(gf 1) and didn’t love her(gf 2). We had to end it cos it was draining.
I had another girlfriend, typical London chick, with me for the money but I liked her. She was ok at first but later started asking for marriage and I knew I couldn’t marry her so I let her go.

Now I’ve been trying to convince my baby to marry me but she doesn’t want to agree.

Some years back when I lost my job, she spoke with the other man in our relationship ( he’s an influential man) and he quickly got me a good job that I wouldn’t have gotten in my dreams. Lol.

She noticed I was struggling with work and advised I gave thought into starting my own business on the side. It’s something we’ve talked about but I didn’t even have quarter of the capital to start.

Stella this sweet soul gave me half of the capital from her savings , spoke to our partner to invest some funds, and that was how I started my business. She would market my business to her network and tell everybody about my business like it was hers. 

Today my business is flourishing and I am more than comfortable and she’s to thank for it.

I won’t lie I have been waiting with abated breath for the day she would rub it my face that she made me or whatever because she assisted me financially but she has never. Not even when we have arguments. She has never asked me for one naira in all the years we’ve been together.

When I give her, she tells me to invest in my business but at some point I refused and started picking up some of her bills without asking. 

Sometimes I dey wonder if she is a Nigerian woman. Lol. She is so giving that when my ex(gf 2) was celebrating her birthday, she paid for her vacation business class return ticket.

This summer I took her to one of the countries on her wish list, I didn’t let her pay for anything (thank God I can comfortably afford her bougie lifestyle) because I know her she will want to assist in paying. My sweet baby. I wanted her in a relaxed environment with just the two of us with no interruptions.

I brought up the topic of marriage again and her mood changed. That night our dinner plans was ruined.

The next day I told her wouldn’t mind if she kept her relationship with the other man even while we are married but she still refused. She told me to move on and get married to someone else.

I asked her if she would be willing to birth kids for me and she said no. I begged and begged. I told her that I wouldn’t mind us using a surrogate and she said she would think about it. She doesn’t have any issues with conception because we have gone for routine check ups. It’s just a personal decision for her to not have kids.

Her plan is to work to a certain age( she works really really hard and has accomplished a lot in her career), retire early and travel the world.

I love her and she loves me too. If she doesn’t want to marry me, I’m willing to settle for children with her even if it’s a child because I can’t see myself with anyone else.

When we got back from vacation I noticed she was a bit distant so I spoke to our other partner and he told me he has approached her with a marriage proposal in the past and she cut him off immediately. 

He had to beg before she gave him another chance. He’s being dating her longer than me and I don’t blame him. Who would let a woman like her go?

I dropped the baby making topic for now cos I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s my soulmate. 

She has met my family, my mum loves her and has been asking me why I’m wasting someone’s daughter time by not proposing to her, if only she knows the delay is not from my end.

 I have met her family too and they are very warm and welcoming. Sometimes I go to pay her mum visit when I’m in their state and I’m tempted to speak to her mum because if there’s one person she listens to, it’s her mother but I don’t want to break her trust.

Has anyone been in a polyamorous relationship like mine before? How do I convince her to have my babies even if it’s via surrogacy?. Time isn’t on my side and I want to start child bearing as early as possible.

Sorry for any typos. Usually I’d pass this down to my assistant to edit but for the sake of anonymity, I couldn’t.