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muhahahahahahhahaha...muhahahhahhahaha |
This letter makes a very interesting read and is 'north a west' of time!
Dear Mad Nigerians,
I am not one to jump on bandwagons, but in this case, I would have to go against one of my unwritten rules, and copy the likes of the ex-President of this great nation; the sitting President and a former Senator of the Federal Republic (I believe you know the people I'm talking about).
This is my message to you all.
First, you may be reading this letter thinking that it does not concern you because you're not MAD! Because you are properly dressed, can operate a Blackberry or Android phone, you think that makes you sane?
Or simply because you have a job, a family, take care of your responsibilities, and you don't talk to yourself? Do you really think that qualifies you as not insane?
Well, I don't blame you, because I also used to think that way. I used to think I was a normal boy with no mental illness whatsoever, but thank God, I'm wiser now. I'm proud to say I'm a MAD Nigerian! After all, they say the first step to healing is to admit that you're sick.
I am not one to jump on bandwagons, but in this case, I would have to go against one of my unwritten rules, and copy the likes of the ex-President of this great nation; the sitting President and a former Senator of the Federal Republic (I believe you know the people I'm talking about).
This is my message to you all.
First, you may be reading this letter thinking that it does not concern you because you're not MAD! Because you are properly dressed, can operate a Blackberry or Android phone, you think that makes you sane?
Or simply because you have a job, a family, take care of your responsibilities, and you don't talk to yourself? Do you really think that qualifies you as not insane?
Well, I don't blame you, because I also used to think that way. I used to think I was a normal boy with no mental illness whatsoever, but thank God, I'm wiser now. I'm proud to say I'm a MAD Nigerian! After all, they say the first step to healing is to admit that you're sick.
Many of you are MAD but don't know it. Pardon my bluntness, but ya'll are sick in the head.
One of the characteristics of MAD men is that they often do things that go against logic and reasoning, and most of the time, they don't even know that they're mad. As a matter of fact, they believe that it is others that are mad.
Many of you go to churches and mosques and still go against what they preach. Because you're MAD!
Only a MAD man will pray to God before (or AFTER) defrauding another person. In this country, it is not unusual to see MAD people praising God because they just got a bank alert that the cheque they got fraudulently has cleared.
What about the mentally deranged men and women who traffic hard drugs? Those ones fast and pray before ingesting the banned substances.
Their MADNESS has made them unable to think correctly that the God they so shamelessly call, stands only on the side of the righteous and upright. A lot of MAD people steal, lie shamelessly, fornicate and run to church the next day singing choruses at the top of their voices. Because of their MADNESS, they think this means that their sins have been forgiven. How absurd!
Dear Mad Nigerians, have you ever wondered why it seems we only get mad leaders? It’s because people always get leaders that are like them; since we're MAD, our leaders must also be...
The other day, one man came attempting to rule a failing nation of over 150 million people. The nation was on the brink of collapse; every sector had gone practically comatose, and yet the only manifesto of this man was that HE HAD NO SHOES while growing up.
What kind of people will be inspired by such a mundane claim to vote him in as President, in the 21st century no less? Your guess is as good as mine: only MAD people.
Only MAD people will lynch and burn suspected thieves to death on the streets for stealing ordinary N100, yet they cheer when the thieves who loot billions, drive by.
MAD people are very gullible, so they believe anything.
Only a MAD person will buy just two cars for over N255m; in a country where wretchedness reigns supreme.
Recently, in this country of MAD men, a controversial pastor was arrested by the police on allegations of ritual killing. A member of this pastor's church confessed that it was the pastor that sent him to kill the girl and get her excreta for ritual purposes.
Fine, the pastor is not guilty until he has been pronounced so by a competent court of law, but it is striking to note that when this pastor was released on bail and got back to church (full of mad people, of course), he raised this prayer point, “God will use your shame to announce you. If you want that to be your portion, come forward now with your special seed.” Choi, we have suffered in this country!
If it was in other climes where there are sane people, the pastor wouldn't even meet anybody in the church! But in this country of MAD men, a lot of the MAD people were even struggling with themselves to be among the 'lucky' few that would drop their offerings. Meanwhile, this same MAD people will not spare ordinary N50 for a beggar on the streets.
Instances abound where clerics would sleep with their MAD members with the promise of fruit of the womb..
You may wonder, don't this MAD people read their Bibles at all that they would be so deceived and preyed upon by vampires in cassock?
One of the numerous consequences of this ugly development is that many have stopped and some are considering stopping churches altogether.
It is unfortunate that we have now confused RELIGION with MADNESS. We do a lot of things, thinking we are RELIGIOUS, yet we are only showing signs of MADNESS.
If it’s any consolation, this MADNESS has spread to other parts of the world.
Just last week, a South-African pastor had asked his congregation to eat grass, and like the MAD FLOCK that they are, they started devouring grass as if it were rice and beans.
Please don’t talk to me about FAITH, because that’s not what this is. You resume at your job every day, but don’t put in your best. You just while away the time simply because the boss is not your relative. Yet you pray for promotion, and rush to drop generous offerings when pastors call for prayer point. When you do this, you’re not exhibiting FAITH, you’re just showing us that you’re MAD. God deals with process, and the Bible says, “No food for a lazy man.”
In writing this letter to you Dear Mad Nigerians, I am not offering any panacea or solution.
We shouldn't kid ourselves about being a righteous Bible loving people, we are all a bunch of pretentious, MAD hypocrites.
We are obviously not righteous; for we wouldn't be one of the most corrupt nations on earth if we were.
We have turned ordinary human beings into gods all in the desperate quest for miracles. Because of the poor situation of things in the country, many have lost belief that their hard work can fetch them anything. That is why they would jump up in frantic excitement when the pastor declares that they would get things they do not merit. Everybody wants to be millionaires without working for it, and they think God will help them achieve that.
Sorry, even if you’re MAD, God is not. Repent before it’s too late!
Tofarati Ige is a poet, singer and rapper.
He’s the author of two books (ORIKI (PRAISE POETRY)
and TOWN CRIER). He is also the News Editor of E24-7 MAGAZINE.
*It is a season of open letters,why dont you try your hand at writing one for history's sake?
Stella,I woke up very ill this morning.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for a mini ambulance that wld convey me to the hospital.
Thought it best to drop by n say hi....
That Yoruba dark skinned girl that stole,her story still bothers me.
Why are her people claiming she's jinxed instead of calling a spade a spade.
I think she needs professional help.
Why a mini- ambulance ? U should have called for a major -ambulance naa.
DeleteMini- ambulance ko!
Why waiting for an ambulance? Don't you have a car? Poor girl
DeleteNa Mamie,
DeleteYou need help more because you are sick. Everything to you is about tribe and it is eating deep into you, turning you mad.
You are dying slowly cos of racism and tribalism.
...........erm, has the undertaker, oops ambulance arrived yet?.
M-amie, this one pass professional help ohhh, We all it Traditional Help, bcos i don't think that Lady is okay.
DeleteBuhahahahahahahahaha. Ok this child is fucking delusional .
DeleteBuhahahahahahaha. This child is fucking delusional
DeleteLol....I agree with the writer.
DeleteAll he wrote is very true..... We all are MAD
Mad-Amie, d ambulance should take u straight to a lunatic asylum
DeleteOmg it's confirmed you m-amie really need help....lol @ " straight to a lunatic asylum"
DeleteLike I said b4,this is just a blog.
DeletePls take it easy on yourselves we aren't competing for anything.
I know most of you would die to suck my big toe when u meet me live.relax y'all !
Ok mad nigerians over to u..make una answer the mad writer with una mad comments..am outta here..
ReplyDeleteLol..... am scared of human beings, its not only pastors, lots of evil people moving around.
ReplyDeleteNa wa o, reading all the comments so far, I am simply amazed and amused. Yaba left plus Aro and even Uselu go full this year. See as person just come prophesy MADNESS into people's lives and they are actually claiming it, Hian!!!
DeleteTufiakwa, i reject madness for me and my family in Jesus name. Words are powerful tools. Oga poet, you and as many as have tapped into hour prophecy may be mad but please I am not.
I am a human being created in God's image and likeness, God is not mad so I am not and can never be mad. I speak only positive things concerning myself in Jesus name.
BTW, SDK, you are My Adorable Darlyn.(MAD)
Praise God. I am MAAAAAAAAAAAAD. No wonder.
ReplyDeleteLmao... I love you Ireneb. You are hilarious.
DeleteWho is d senator?
ReplyDeleteGet employed working from the comfort of ur home by clicking on d link below.
http://tasktojob.com/index.php?task=40026
Open letter from a jobless fellow,i just wasted my precious time reading it #straighface#
ReplyDeleteWhy he gotta be jobless? Because he hit a nerve???? Mad Nigerians Lmaoo
DeleteDid you read through at all?
DeleteOpen letter from a jobless fellow,i just wasted my precious time reading it #straighface#
ReplyDeleteMad Nigerian. Lmao
DeleteMad Nigerian. Lmao
DeleteWas expecting to see a word there and he dropped it, "hypocrites" that's what we all are.
ReplyDeleteOpen letter from a jobless fellow,i just wasted my precious time reading it #straighface#
ReplyDeleteHyprocrite!! Pele! Madam I get job...MAD human being
DeleteAbeg "h" no dey for ITSEKIRI. You can't even spell a tribe you claim. Abeg ask the elders in your family. MAD dullard.
DeleteMad people everywhere.. I totally agree with this guy.
ReplyDeleteHummm, na wa o! Come to think of it, his article made sense but the word" MAD" should have been replaced with IGNORANCE.
ReplyDeleteLmao at 'God will use ur shame to announce u'
ReplyDeleteHarsh as it may sound, this is very true, I've always said Nigerian politicians are a reflection of the average citizen. During d 'go n die' matter when everyone one was castigating oshio; I said the average Nigerian is just like that, mean, arrogant and oppressive (+ mad now), sorry to say.
Meanwhile, click my name for all your celebration cakes n cupcakes
Harsh words but very true. The whole nation has gone bonkers!
ReplyDeleteSmh
ReplyDeleteSmh
ReplyDeleteSmh
ReplyDeleteSmh
ReplyDeleteplease stop shaking it before it falls off..
DeleteLmao Anon you are funny jor. I just love y'all. Gawwd!
DeleteLMAO @b4 it falls off
DeleteStella dis letter too long it's an epistle. I love dis new colour and background.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm! I'm speechless. The writer has said it all. God please cure my madness and that of my fellow Nigerians, Amen.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all i Am NOT Mad!
ReplyDelete2ndly I don't think Mad is the right wword here,
3rdly you were too Judgemental.
And I was going to tell u that going by your description of Mad the whole world is Mad till I saw that SA referencce, since u didn't offer any solution to this Madness what's the point Oga poet? Thank God you first of all agreed u were mad, cause only a Mad person can rant like this :p
And that pastor Fireman reference wasn't even necessary, u expect the church members to leave just because of an accusation?who doesn't get accused?
You r just being defensive,nevertheless,you are mad just like the writer said. You might be a member of Fireman's church but if u see nutin wrong in turning into prayer point "his shame announcing him',then your madness is at its peak. Someone has got to say the hard TRUTH. It's a country of VERY MAD fellas including u nd I. The writer was not judgmental in any way.
DeleteNuvi Honey denying you're not mad already proves you are mad. We are all MAD! Better believe.
DeleteNow watch as mad pple go de comment.
ReplyDeleteWhat is this one saying?he must be mad.
ReplyDeleteYou must be mad if you didn't realize he agreed he was Mad. 😢Mad people everywhere
DeleteSummary plz!
ReplyDeleteWld love to write my own MEMO too
Cos e get some ppl for dis blog
wey tink say na dem sabi write memo pass.
I just dey wait for the right moment.
So I can give a 'power packed' punch just below the belt.
Muchecheche (wicked lafta)
I get u for mind.
You! You no ursef ooo.
Pink shell where have you been? Missed you.
DeleteYep writer on major point. We all are MAD! Accept it, Truth is bitter! But that's because we are humans. We can't be perfect so rock on your madness.
Although some people madness na another level....pathetic case.
Funny and pleasant Pinkshell,u appear and disappear!missed u too
Delete@ BL and Queen Bee
DeleteNa books ooo
E no easy but God dey
Tanx for asking.
#Hugs
Hahahahahhahahahahahahaha.....I don die ooooo....:he made sense sha
ReplyDeleteStella, you need a Gold Medal For This Awesome letter.
ReplyDeleteA baby's laughter is d sweetest sound u'll ever hear. Unless it's 2am. And u're in Benin. And u're home alone. And u don't have a baby!" LOL Good example of madness.
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahaha....thats real madness
DeleteWiliwili things oh. Shuo!
DeleteHahahahahahaha My belle ooo My head oooo
ReplyDelete#GaMuGaZa
*RME*the poster is mad obviously,didn't finish the epistle...that aside I must say this our stella is banging hot this year,new blog outlook,comment on time,posting on time.May God continue to give you the strength to run this blog, educate us and put a smile on our face
ReplyDeletechoiiiii, ds open letter season no be small tin, i jst pray d summer season will come with revolution from nigerians becos its due, haba! we need a serious change, seriously i dnt even mind d army takin over
ReplyDeletegosh! did i jst say dt,......... condition na im make crayfish bend
Funny enough, the poster's right. Call it self denial, but I won't totally agree with his choice of the word 'Mad'. Well sha, I'm not MAD.
ReplyDeleteSame 2 u....but sha na true em talk ooo....Mad Nigerians....lol...#Alinko
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, the poster's right. Call it self denial, but I won't totally agree with his choice of the word 'Mad'. Well sha, I'm not MAD.
ReplyDeleteIn a way he is right. I know people might find the word mad offensive, but think about it objectively and you will agree. Well I admit I am guilty of a lot of points. But by God Grace there is room for change. We are alive innit, so the time to be better nd 'sane' people is now. One Love people
ReplyDeletePoster is very right!all we know in dis country is religion! God dis,God dat everywhere u enter but Dd evil going on is worst u will wonder if it's ghosts that were calling on God!
ReplyDeleteWe tank God for grace,...another level of grace'(dat some pple have capitalised on lol)all these cos of Jesus Christ,else am sure there will not be any single human remaining in this country cos God would finished us with his instant judgement!
One end time trait is paramount:having a form of righteousness',but denying it's power!that's why i only deal with pple based on the genuineness of the content of their character,whether christian or idolaters.
Nigerians are truely madt hypocrites,just come in the name of the lord,dats d easiest way to get them,lol!that's why d church bizness thrives here like air,pastors deceiving members and vice versa.
The only cure for dis craze is to tell ourselves the truth and go back to d bible!!
Good write up but I beg to differ cos not all Nigerians are mad, I know am not a saint but I still know some decent people around dt woudnt mind to take wotever comes their way provided they maintain the truth.
ReplyDeleteStill dancing since mrn, my bff just put to bed a BBB yeeeeeh am so happy.
Is tiny ur BFF?
DeleteI meant Tina
DeleteI pray make I fit read this novel
ReplyDelete+1000000 likes.
ReplyDeleteHe couldn't have said it better. A nation of hypocrites, sycophants and dullards. THINK Nigerians. We are running out of time.
#soursop
very 4ni but true! Anywayz its easy 4 any1 2 actually pick up a pen n paper n decide 2 ryt down his or her opinion abt several issues. But d grand question is "doz ur opinion count?" dis piece is a satire dat has jst potrayed d problems facing dis nation cald Nigeria. God hlp us al coz we cant hlp ourselves @ al
ReplyDeleteFirst to comment. #DancingAlingo
ReplyDeleteFrm BeautifulBella
Perfect example of madness.n.a. First to comment be your problem.kawai...your madness no be here o
DeleteGrade 1 madness
DeleteInteresting piece, but am not MAD!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reiterating these lingering issues once again @"Tofarati Ige"
ReplyDeleteWe, Nigerians; Home and Abroad are already aware that "we're @ war with ourselves" (just like Kanye West said in the intro of his "JESUS walks"track!
@"Tofarati Ige" what Nigerians need now is a proper orientation, a clearly defined ethical standards for all and sundry and a system that will drive the realisation of same to fruition.
In my humble opinion, your letter is pointless! Because we Nigerians are aware that our degree of madness is definitely more than all that you'v highlighted. We, as Nigerians have grown weary of hearing people talk about them every now and again(stop adding salt to our wounds plssssssss) . . . . .
All we ask for is the way forward!
Are you a patriot @ ALL?
How can you say. . . "In writing this letter to you Dear Mad Nigerians, I am not offering any panacea or solution". . .
That's another indication that the madness syndrome runs
through your veins 24/7 and you need some serious help because your level of madness seems not to believe that curative measures should be discussed!
Well articulated article all d same!
Cheers.
LMAO! O make sense sha fellow(mad man). U said it all! All we ask for is the way forward and implementation of the curative measures,SIMPLE! We don't need to be reminded of our MADNESS
DeleteFunny mad open letter from a mad writer. I'm loving this mad blog full of mad people....my fellow mad blog visitors how mad are u?
ReplyDeleteThanks for reiterating these lingering issues once again @"Tofarati Ige"
ReplyDeleteWe, Nigerians; Home and Abroad are already aware that "we're @ war with ourselves" (just like Kanye West said in the intro of his "JESUS walks"track!
@"Tofarati Ige" what Nigerians need now is a proper orientation, a clearly defined ethical standards for all and sundry and a system that will drive the realisation of same to fruition.
In my humble opinion, your letter is pointless! Because we Nigerians are aware that our degree of madness is definitely more than all that you'v highlighted. We, as Nigerians have grown weary of hearing people talk about them every now and again(stop adding salt to our wounds plssssssss) . . . . .
All we ask for is the way forward!
Are you a patriot @ ALL?
How can you say. . . "In writing this letter to you Dear Mad Nigerians, I am not offering any panacea or solution". . .
That's another indication that the madness syndrome runs
through your veins 24/7 and you need some serious help because your level of madness seems not to believe that curative measures should be discussed!
Well articulated article all d same!
Cheers.
Mad Yomslaw!
Delete"bunch of pretentious mad hypocrites" Oh he is soooo right! We are a MAD nation. oh Lord, please help us :(
ReplyDeleteNa mumu monarchy.
DeletePeople should stop blabbing abeg!!! All we need is solutions nd working 2wards it..ofcourse we all know things dt r wrong in dis country so its d writer dt is obviously mad for reminding us what we already know!!! @xclucivexter
ReplyDeleteToo long a story...Phew!
ReplyDelete***African Barbie..
Poster, u ddInt talk about the ones that would sitdwn and diss people about bleached skin yet na dem buy whitenicious finish 1st day wey dem launcham, hypocrites ya'll are Nigerians some go dey admire your yellow pawpaw skin'o yet na dem go beef you pass still dey rub cream for back because dere own didn't work for them, the ladies would be there claiming dey are using pears baby lotion Cuz der scared of being judged, no be dere skin, why have you people made it a job to judge them? Face other major issues if person wan get skin cancer na in choice! MshewWw!
ReplyDeleteThat's the madness. They call out bleachers yet they ask how to get Egyptian milk. Mad man nor know say e be mad man. Kikikikikiki
DeleteMy fellow mad nigerians hw una dey.
ReplyDeleteSuper write up,but he forgot to add the madness on the road in this country,whenever I'm in traffic I laugh my hed off as one or more MAD Nigerians create comic relief for me....lol
ReplyDeleteEehen naa i don dey talk say no be today wey i start to dey craze...
ReplyDeleteThe guy yarn wetin make sense... forget the use of the word mad, sometimes we need to use blunt words to reflect the seriousness of an issue.
Its okay to deny that you are not mad cos most mad people never admit they are mad too
MAD ke? I'm very sane ooh, madness is far frm me...oga if u are MAD na u knw dat one sha, get well soon ooh
ReplyDeleteCraze man no dey accept say e dey craze..I understand ya problem dear...abeg chew some valium
DeleteOrela dear, I repeat I'm not mad! If na madness dey worry me I 4 don slap many pple eye blind. I'm an angry Nigerian not a mad one #Okbye
DeleteMAD is the coolest word abi..for taking his time to write this long story, the writer gan is mad. For stella posting this too, stella gan is mad. Me. Sef wey waste time read am, I am madt gan. Una sef wey read and cuss, una dey madt gidi gan. Funny but true sha!!
ReplyDeleteTrue words!
DeleteMad is the new sane!
Happy madness to yall.
This is so true!!! I was just saying a few of these things he wrote to my Nigerian friend!! The truth is, the whole world has gone mad but Nigerians are Crazier!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree according 2 a book I know we re all mad cos no one is willing to give way 4 d other nice write up ige hope 2 meet u someday
ReplyDeleteWell said brother, we re hypocrites, we re gullible, we deserve our leaders bc we re MAD.
ReplyDeleteAt least he didn't mention ppl like me who doesn't hurt any1,cos am d victim here all I care abt is gettin satisfied in bed,as my husband nor dey do am,I dey find am dey go....
ReplyDeleteSo mr poet wat is d solution to u MAD ppl's problem?
Bored HW..oya go do ya gateman after all...the poet say you dey,mad...we will,understand,....n.a. Nigerian madness grip u
DeleteYep he hit the nail on the head....u won't agree with this post until ur out of this cursed country for a while...upon ur return, sadly u will....the part about the 'no shoes' dude got me in stitches.....!
ReplyDeleteYeah I am 'M'aking 'A' 'D'ifference
ReplyDeleteFor this ya comment,chop 10 kisses even though I've not brushed today*quickly gives u 5 kisses and runs away* . I'm coming lemme go and brush then come back to give you the remaining 5
DeleteIt would hv been less offensive if he literally made up an acroym for MAD i.e MEAN ADAMANT DELUSIONAL. Cos him generation affect him papa and mama be dat
ReplyDeleteEnough of these open letter madness. If this country will get better,we have to start from d grassroot,our various families,we have lost our values. Most of the people writting these letters are as guilty as the person the letter is being directed to. Guys get busy and stop all these open letters madness.
ReplyDeleteExcellent write up and on point
ReplyDeleteI am MAD....Making A Difference.
ReplyDeleteMaking a difference is my definition of MAD...it all depends on individuals is it a positive or negative difference....wetin I.write confuse me self........I'm so gonna be MAD this year.
ReplyDeleteMy own take is the way forward out of this Madness oo... it begins with you and it begins with me. ok now say after me I deliver my self from every spirit of hypocrisy and any form of Madness! From now on we will think positively, act positively and be a source of blessing to our great Nation Nigeria,She shall not fail, she shall fulfill purpose and all will be well with Nigeria...in Jesus name..Amen!So shall it be cheers!
ReplyDeletethe world is actually suffering MADNESS but it differs from society and tribe to another #deep sigh... it is well though
ReplyDeleteWhy are dis MAD pple shoutin everywhere?how are you my sweet MADDEST stella?i gat MAD love for you..you are MAD in a way dat pleases me bt please control dis MAD pple on this ur MAD blog! kisses to u my MAD sdkers,bt nt MAD kisses!
ReplyDeleteNa u con mad pass
DeleteThere is a MAD white lady singing so loud outside my window. Only her walks her dog at midnight whilst screaming and yelling all in d name of singing. I think she is possessed and MAD.......
ReplyDelete