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''My attention is divided between two guys that are seeking for my hand in marriage. One works in Port Harcourt while the other stays in Italy and will be coming back soon this year.
Though I haven't been so close to both of them to conclude but from the discussion we have been having through phone I can say both have some of the qualities I want in a man. I like a man who doesn't talk much, a man who takes me as a friend and a lover, someone who doesn't nag, God fearing, bold and courageous and above all very caring.
The one who stays in PH is good, takes me as a friend and lover, God fearing, talks a lot, very caring but he nags a lot and I can't conclude if he is bold enough.
The one that stays in Italy is good too, doesn't talk much nor nag,God fearing, bold and courageous but I don't really know much about him as am not too close to him because of his talking attitude.
The person that introduced us is a good guy whom I helped sometime ago and he assured me he is a good person but i am not convinced yet. Please how do I choose between this two cos cheating is not in my agenda. Thanks to you all.
if you like cuss me I don't care provided you give me good advice loolz''
from ardent blog reader.
*Most Nigerian men living abroad are full of lies and have too many skeletons.you may end up being the Nigerian wife.
Wait until you meet both physically.
Marry em both, don't be afraid to b D first u know to do somfin new.. *tongue out*
ReplyDeleteStella,dats exactly what I wanted to say. And again, why don't u pray and ask God to choose for you and believe me,He'll pick the best for you. So don't be in a hurry to choose. The one for you will def wait.
DeleteI wish you well.
Thanks for your comment, Debbie. Ask God, not man.
DeleteI 2nd debby's opinion.
DeletePray and fast. For the sole purpose for God to guide you and show you the right one. You will see signs after. And your eyes will open more.
Madam poster, how old re u? Cos u sound like my 3yrs old Niece.lol
DeleteNo offense debby, but when u say pray, do u really mean dat or ure just saying cos u hv nuttin else to say. How r u sure she hasn't prayed b4 she came here wit her story? Even if she prays does she know how to hear from God? Is she even a Godly person? Let me even ask the poster, if u r datin someone in PH why then r u also considering a guy in Italy, why did ur friend hook u up if he knew u were datin someone already? Why can't u date 1 guy @ a time n if ure not sure u leave n date someone else? Why confuse ure self by datin 2 guys @ same time, if they were both in PH wud u be datin them both? Don't u think ure wicked n greedy? Sorry poster, prayer can't help u, U ARE ur own problem, ure not even sincere with both guys n u think God will help u chose? U said u dnt want to cheat but ure already cheatin, cheatin isn't only limited to sex, datin 2 guys @ same time is cheatin, abi did u tell d guy in Italy ure datin someone in PH? In summary, what I'm sayin is if u had stuck wit d PH guy alone u wnt be havin dis issue, u wud hv bn able to decide if d guy is worth ur while by now. Try n be honest wit urself, nobody wnts to be decieved.
DeleteTnk you stella
Delete@anon 1:48pm...i think u r bein too hard on d poster...shes still single until shes married n as such has a right to be courted by diff suitors...to mk a choice ...it goes both ways both for d male n d female... from her story,she is yet to see either of dm...my advice to her is meet dse suitors hvin prayed for Gods guidianc but dont get physical wit either...get to kno dm first n be sure dt u r ok wit d package cos most times ppl only tell u wat dy want u to kno abt dm...so dont be carried away by d niceness via phone or online conversatns...Gods grace as u decide...cheers
DeleteI tell u what poster, even when u pray to God to ask whether a guy is the one or not, or perhaps if u ask God to tell u if a man is suitable for u to marry, more than likely the Holy spirit can validate more than one guy. Infact, at times when u pray about.. let's say 3guys, the spirit can confirm all 3 men are good for u. This is where the confusion starts. Will explain.
DeleteThat God validates 3guys doesn't mean that you'll marry all 3. What the Holy spirit has done is to assure u that u are on the right track with them, however, it is left for u to choose which u want of the lot. This is when u should activate ur discerning spirit as flesh. Scenarios like this is what makes most people misconstrue prophesies...they get angry and say that how can God validate more than one man? then they'll prolly say that their pastors are liars or that God is confusing them.
When God has played His part you also have to play yours. God is not a magician, He can only guide you if u ask Him to. So you will still have to get closer to this men, not sexual but I mean get to know them beyond phone convos.
Try to frustrate both and see how they each react, play ur game of study well. No one is perfect as u also will have ur shortcomings. But as bad as we may be we always want a partner that'll tolerate our crap. So investigate their tolerance level.
See how much they each love God since that is one of ur criteria. Then u can decide for yourself. Study their environs, their families, go within their territory to study them, not just by going on frivolous dates or whatever, it won't suffice it. None of us here can validate them for u when even u who speaks to them is confused, we are not omniscient my dear. No one can do all these for u...Except you. Godspeed
Even if we advise you, you alone can tell who you want, you didn't even mention love at all, please choose the one you can stay with for life no matter what life throws at both of you.
ReplyDeleteHmmmn,ts best u meet dem physically to b sure.n most of pray vry hard,tell God to choose 4 u n study d men vry well
DeletePlease go and put urself in prayers, let agood man of God advice u, dnt come here asking who u'll spend d rest of ur life wit bcuz u saw odaz sending their own problem 2 stella. Mtchwww gurls self, I can c u talk much dtz y ure looking for somone who doesn't talk much. Yeye
ReplyDeleteItaly?doing what? Just get to know both of them,just keep both of them as friends for now before choosing
ReplyDeleteNot just that one, even the one in nijah, what does he do?
DeleteAnh anh this gist isn't complete, you are still saying you do not know them so closely and they are already talking about marriage
Just pray about it sha, and who ever it is you still need to get really close 2 the person before you start thinking about marriage
HMMMMM, My dear, you said the PH Guys Nags at you while the Italy Guys Don't, I heard ladies have great sense of humor, plz use your sense, Bcos am a guy , i know how we do when we need something.
ReplyDeleteSTAYBLESSED.
Exactly that's the point....I know she wants the Italy guy.....lol
DeleteYea I concur, put d both of dem thru test.
DeleteMost importantly dnt depend on ur instinct alone- go t God in prayers; let him b foundation of ur r|ship. He only can reveal d " real heart" of a man t u. Men can pretend t a fault, dier true nature unfolds wen u finally tie d knots wt dem. Be wise, dnt look @ only d present. If u can't feature in a guy's future then dnt bother boarding d car of marriage wt him.
My dear u cnt ve everytyn in one guy but if one posses majority of d quality u seek den u go for dt one. Try n put both men into test. Test der love, patient, temper, how caring dey can be b4 u choose. It sure wud help
ReplyDeletewhat I know for sure is that, most (if not all) single Nigerian men living abroad are in relationships in the respect country they are in. They've got a Nigerian wife and a (whatever country they are in) wife.
ReplyDeleteThink women, how can a husband spend so much time away from his wife and not cheat?
If not for tradition and family (especially mothers) coercion, most Nigerian men abroad would not marry Nigerian wives, they would stick to their oyibo things, because lets face it, Nigerians are colourist.
Nigerian men has this ingrained self hatred and think that oyibo women is it. Imagine Nigerian men wants to date an African woman thats accomplished, but would date any oyibo woman (some of them street urchins), as long as they're white.
You're so correct, May God help our guys abroad.
DeleteCool story,that why our marriages fail,just because somebody decide to marry or court with basic instinct,SMH, laughing my head off phone dating kinda,
ReplyDeleteI'm so laughing.... lemme guess her age? 24. you're such a leaner. Please stop dreaming about them marrying you. I'm not hating believe me because I don't know you. I just want you to be very smart. Please be
DeleteSeriously what has anon said applied to dis now,seriously? Off point
DeleteSister mi. You have to meet with both. Youve got to spend time with them to really get to know them. Phone can only do so much. You chose when youve met them live biko. now hanlele. get to traveling. lol
ReplyDeleteWhen i Italy sha...i got turned off. Lol. Nigerian movies runied that country for me mehn. All i see/think when i hear Italy is that place na ashewo headquarters. If its a Naija chick living there, i start thinking shes a Prostitute. If its a man, I think hes a woman trafficker/pimp. lol. Please dont finish me...its just my silly assumption
Exactly stella I agree wit u
ReplyDelete@poster u r selfish,u dnt want to loose the jand guy,but u also feel bad about the PH guy babe u can't win both ways,both of them r lust nt love,I dnt believe love at first voice,it is nt possible to love somebody u hv never met
ReplyDeletejand ba wo
DeletePlzz stick 2 d Ph guy mbok! Dnt tell me Nonsense!!!
ReplyDelete***African Barbie..
A bird at hand.
ReplyDeleteItaly has nothing to offer apart from illegal things
Most striving people in Italy are the ladies--I mean prostitutes.
The men there are mostly docile aka gold diggers.
Over to my Benin brothers...
Been there done that,right?
Deletethe men are into drugs too.
DeleteU haven't met both guys and u torn between 2 of them. Pls r u 5? This blog is d best life teacher and you haven't learnt anything. This is 1 of the Mad nigerians I just read about.
ReplyDeleteMy thought exactly! Do you want to learn the hard way? If yes keep dreaming and continue to fall for men who just want to have their pond of flesh on someone of the opposite sex. Wake up.
DeleteHey Lady, I hope you are matured enough to marry. You can never compare the two of them until you see the one based in Italy face to face and pass sometime with him. You never can tell. Not talking much or nagging is not what makes a man a saint. Men seldom Nag anyway. Most men (not all of them) abroad have this road workers who gave the money so as to hook them, so pray he is not coming to marry you with money got from his road worker girl friend in Italy. Pray if you can, to ask God to show who your husband is, Marriage is not easy, it takes a lot to make it work, you can never make it smooth, NEVER, but you can make it work. Check out what the guy in Italy is doing as well, forget all about the exchange rate, is better to stay with the never you know than the angel you don't know. Wish you well
ReplyDeleteHmmmm maybe google can help out, as for me the thing tire me oo.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, a Bird in hand na im be your own o, forget wetin dey for bush. Stick to your Nigerian Pepsi and forget about Italian Vino Tinto.
ReplyDelete~HOLLYROBB~
From your brief explanation, this is my conclusion;
ReplyDeleteAs far as I'm concerned, you have only one boyfriend, the one in PH.
That human in Italy is not your boyfriend. (IMO)he's a chat mate, I have had many of those, in the past we talk endlessly on phone, they are not in the country and sometimes we kid ourselves by talking marriage, until reality kicks in.
So stick to the ph dude and focus on building up your relationship with him.
*Sane Citizen*
Nah! She has NO boyfriend! Pls keep it real. Get 'toasted' and courted the proper way.Face to face,see me I see you,know me,I know you. Torn between 2 strangers,is so stone age! Marriage and applying for a job are two different things.The needful is for you to grow up first and foremost!
DeleteFrom your brief explanation, this is my conclusion;
ReplyDeleteAs far as I'm concerned, you have only one boyfriend, the one in PH.
That human in Italy is not your boyfriend. (IMO)he's a chat mate, I have had many of those, in the past we talk endlessly on phone, they are not in the country and sometimes we kid ourselves by talking marriage, until reality kicks in.
So stick to the ph dude and focus on building up your relationship with him.
*Sane Citizen*
Internet loving...some pple are getting their hands burnt and running away,while some are running in!as far as am concerned,u don't have any of those two men yet cos u have not met them and u don't know ddem!b
ReplyDeleteI will advice dou for the time being that Mr Italo is still far,take ur time travel to port from time to time so u can get to know d portharcourt man,at least he is available'!a bird in hand is worth more the 50 in the bush' or ittaly'!
When you meet them. Annoy them well, as in make them mad with anger. The one that tries to lay a finger on you is the one you should drop (pls don't wait till the hand lands on you before you pick race o) Errr, also set them up with sexy babes and see who falls. If both of them fall...Move on! If both pass the text,take it to God, he will reveal other things to you...
ReplyDeleteHehehe #runsaway
Quack and dumb advise mtcheww.
DeleteDats not a smart way of getting a husband
DeleteWhat an advise! Stella said it all. Btw the poster ddnt say anytin terrible bout the italy dude, my dear, its better u stick wt the ph cos hes shown u practically all n if not, pray bout ur yur future husband, it might nt evn b both. Goodluck.
DeleteCome on genny, is dis what ur brain can offer? I'd like to think ure jokin.
DeleteU bera stick with PH guy.
ReplyDeleteThe angel you know is better, Nnem, leave this obodo oyibo thing, I was once a victim, married for 3 years yet I no dey see the man I married & for that 3 years, I no get baby cos the man wasn't around to do his duties, I had to call a quit last year & I have no regret. My advice is - know what you want, pray over it and go for it, don't ever dwell in fantasy, stick to the things that you see cos seeing is believing. Marriage is a thing of life time, don't make a mistake and look before you reap. Goodluck and God's favour in all u do.
ReplyDeleteYours is far better than d lady I saw in court yesterday, she has waited for 10yrs. Lol, some girls re stupid sha.
Delete10 years? Am I mad or did he use jazz??? Time waits for nobody. A man can marry at the age of 50, but women? Its God's grace. I can't wait that long ooooo
DeleteStella av already answered ur question..all dese abroad returnees av loads of baggage u may nt be able to deal with..i tink u shud give d ph guy a chance...like dy say..a bird in hand is worth more than 2 in d bush..well dats mi kobo advice..
ReplyDeleteMy thots exactly Stella....u can get to knw someone well enuf thru fone convos. Take ur time n dnt rush into anything, all d best
ReplyDeleteA bird at hand is worth 100 birds in Italy better stay with d naija guy.I don tok my own.
ReplyDeleteMake more money working at home,click on d link below to get started.
http://tasktojob.com/index.php?task=40026
My thots exactly Stella....u cant get to knw someone well enuf thru fone convos. Take ur time n dnt rush into anything, all d best
ReplyDeleteMy dear, u can't get it all in one, let ur decision be based on the one u truly love.
ReplyDeletena wa for u ooooo
ReplyDeletemake he nag Nah,na for him body
when headache come na for him body
all this qualities u are outlining is unnecessary biko
so far d bobo dey loaded, has good features and d blokos is union bank wetin again u dey find
Ezewanyi of africa
DeleteOne works in PH and the other in Italy. And you, where are you based? If in Nigeria, is it not better for you to deal with the devil you know here than that soft spoken angel in Italy? And Italy for that matter. Abeg tell Stella to helep you with one post she did about packaging of diff men from different countries biko. I will advise that if you are in Naija, try and focus on the one here and try to understand him better. Hapu umu nwoke Italo aka.
ReplyDeleteBtw, abeg where can I get a good tailor in Lagos that makes good women's trousers. Abeg make una help me.
Am torn too....but I know I ain't met d one yet..if he is the one u just know...there ain't doubt.u just know...........
ReplyDeleteNigerian guys abroad???, Hmm, run for your life.
ReplyDeleteNigerian guys abroad???, Hmm, run for your life.
ReplyDeleteStella pls make a post about abroad husbands that come back to naija to marry promising the babe that he'll bring her over but that won't happen till God knows when. This is a common occurrence.
ReplyDeleteYes ooo,Stella do a post about these abroadee men that come and lie to innocent women to tie and delay them.it almost happened to me,I'm just happy my eyes opened early.I know so many people in this predicament.let's expose these bastards.
DeleteYes ooo,Stella do a post about these abroadee men that come and lie to innocent women to tie and delay them.it almost happened to me,I'm just happy my eyes opened early.I know so many people in this predicament.let's expose these bastards.
DeleteA guy u arnt close to shuldnt be seeking ur hand in marriage. U need to know & study dem very well to be sure of compatibility & love, u can't judge som1 by conversations over d phone. I think its too early to be asking dis question or even thinking of marriage
ReplyDeleteIs it advicable 2 marry a man with two kids,When d baby mama is still very interested in d father of her kids,And she also blames u for making d guy abadon her,Even though d guy has tld her he isn't ready 2 marry her but wld be there 4 his kids,
ReplyDeleteAllow him to clean his mess up first. As much as u love him, he must first address it. Cos how did he get 2 kids with her if he didnt love her? Abegi. Better calm down.
DeleteWhy marry a man with drama????
DeleteMy dear, keep your nose out of their business for now. That lady will frustrate your every effort. Not to say it can't work but be ready for WWIII. Baby mama and not ex wife? Abeg he is not all the way pure. Once, ehen but two times...my dear, shine all ya eye dan inabi!
Deleteu need to meet them both, spent time with both of them and get to know each other better..then finally go with the one your most compatible with..care, love and friendship are the 3 key words for a succesfull marriage..
ReplyDelete@Poster.....i dont get u......how come u are not even close to d two of dem at all......u are practising love across the ocean abi na fone/internet love i go call am.........how come d two of dem want to marry sm1 they hardly know??? pls get closer to d two of dem physically( not fone or internet closeness) before u make any decision.....we dont want to hear stories dt touch d heart later ooo...biko..
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteAunty Stella pls do a post on abroad husbands / boyfriends esp Nigerian men. Naija women don't go and be a sex slave in a foreign land o. Most of this men don't even have stable jobs, some turn the women to sex slaves. God help us
ReplyDeleteStella,I support,we need to expose all their delay tactics.these men are demons.please do a post on abroadee men.how many turn their gf's to prostitutes as well,so others can learn
DeletePoster,from your write up,I can see your eyes is on the Obodo Oyibo based...Marry him if he will take you Panya.....Naija is frustrating many men making them to use their wives as a punching bag.....follow your heart biko
ReplyDeleteThis comment is stupid as you are
DeletePray n den meet physically dat will help inform ur decision. Gudluck
ReplyDeleteI think you're just new to this dating someone across the ocean and talking to a guy on phone. Because you guys just develop small love. You are now feeling and thinking that they want to marry you because they said it or because u think it. Get out of your head. None of them haven't done anything to show commitment. Haba! Are you a learner you better be yourself don't think too much about them. Live your life and stop falling for does sweet conversation on phones. News flash! You're not in any relationship with both.
ReplyDeleteDear poster am sure there's an inner voice that warns you when u're about to derail. Follow that inner voice and PRAY!
ReplyDeleteStella u re wrong, u do not categorise all Nigerian men abroad to be same. Wondering how u come to that conclusion is just like calling all Nigerians fraud. I live abroad and got no girlfriend am serious with but watching couple of chics back home does that make me lie n cheat? my advise is before u choose to date a man abroad make sure he got resident permit to be visiting home frequently not a man without resident permit bc he can't travel and not yet stable.
ReplyDeleteAnd also size up these guys abroad. The ones that are scared of women abroad are usually controlling and have issues. The whole continent wey you dey, you are looking for a girl at home (unless this is someone you are dating sha but if you are thinking "picking" a chick from home means you will have a maid/someone to walk over, you are on a LONG tin.
DeleteSame here Stella. I am based in the Middle East but I have an American passport. I am very single and plan on heading back home to also get a girl. Don't put us all in the same box. There are plenty of "real ones" among us.
DeleteAbeg marry 2 of them jaree!! Afterall na igbo nd calabar girls way be dat!! Polyandry things# AJA..........OKIIJA WIFE
ReplyDeleteDid l hear ltaly or what run for your life no look back.
ReplyDeleteDear stells, am also in same shoes, but mine d one in UK was my 1st Bf, while d one in PHC is my friend in school, dunno if i should follow my 1st, they said 1st cut is d deepest...
ReplyDeleteDear OP, you have not spent time with any of these men and you are talking marriage. Aunty S, this is one of the reasons we have so many stupid marriages. They will come back with story about him being controlling, abusive, etc when you did not even know spiff about him. Get to know both and stop rushing. Ah ah.
ReplyDeleteMARRIAGE IS A LIFE TIME THING,U NEED TO BE VERY CAREFUL WEN U GET TO D STAGE OF CHOOSING... TRY N GET TO KNOW BOTH OF DEM BETA AND PRAY FOR GOD'S DIRECTION . ALL D BEST..
ReplyDeleteMheen,u've entered it ooh.
ReplyDelete....wisdom,u need wisdom
You havnt met them so you do know if you love them marriage goes beyond qualities and bla bla DO NOT MARRY BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU ARE READY OR OF AGE that's what a lot of ppl are doing and regretting it
ReplyDeleteI'd advice not to make assumptions about these men based on phone conversations alone. Meet them, spend time with them before making assumptions. Marriage is a serious business. Take serious steps in knowing a man before you marry him... Goodluck.
ReplyDeleteI will assume you are serious with your questions so will give my honest advice.....if not you others can also learn from this....marriage is a serious issue and not to be treated with kids glove....you can never know someone's true character over the phone.....though you never totally know a person even in the same vicinity, that close proximity gives you the chance to see the person in different aspects of life.....I met my hubby while he was in Nigeria and we were just acquaintances but not dating.......he travelled out and some years later we started a relationship from one of his visits.....our dating was done mostly through the phone so could not get a chance to see some aspects......after marriage I moved over and the true pictures of our characters started to emerge.....it was turbulent but it has taken us about 4 years down the line and we are just getting to adjust to each other...thank God for the love we have and the word of God which helped us to begin to see our marriage truly in the light of Gods word.....we both at some point even threatened to walk out but we r still together and going strong after 9 years.....long distance is not courtship, though some people are lucky at the end but most come out scathed from the union or relationship.....get to know the P/h guy better and leave the Italian guy alone........if u still want to go ahead with the Italy guy just know and be ready to discover a lot more you did not know........pls am not saying all men who stay abroad are bad but just saying in marriage you need to know who you are going to spend the rest of your life with......the knowing includes , what he does for a living? Are u the only relationship? How he acts with family , friends, relatives etc then trust me how is his nuclear or extended family? Are their prevalent family curses or patterns?........enof said oh this no be premarital class but just felt to let at least one person get something.......shine ur eyes girl......
ReplyDeleteStick to the one you have in PH as you might lose interest in the Italy guy when you see him. Moreover, please don't fall for him because he's based abroad as most of them over there are broke ass niggas doing demeaning jobs.
ReplyDeleteStick to the one you have in PH as you might lose interest in the Italy guy when you see him. Moreover, please don't fall for him because he's based abroad as most of them over there are broke ass niggas doing demeaning jobs.
ReplyDeleteHoney, you dont need strangers to tell you whom to marry. Get in the place of prayer and seek Gods face.
ReplyDelete