Na waaaaah!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
IN LOVE WITH THE WRONG MAN?
Hi Stella,
I am in total confusion, please help me. I am 28 years, living in Abuja at the moment. My mom introduced to me a man from South Africa (Nigerian) with hopes that we get married, we are many girls in our family and I am the first.
I though I loved this man but when he came to Nigeria this Christmas (second time we are meeting) I realised am not in love with him, he isn't a graduate but that's not the problem, he adores me and worships the ground I walk on but I have no attraction whatsoever, no atom of physical attraction, he is Igbo and quite traditional (direct opposite to me) (not so much of a problem too)
Stella help me this is a life decision, am not in love with this man but I love the way he loves me. I am in love with a foreigner that lives in Nigeria, Lebanese to be precise, he is based in port harcourt and visits me in Abuja as frequently as possible, he adores me and does all he can to make me happy, but when he gets to his home country I dont hear from him frequently, unlike when he is in Nigeria, no matter how busy he communicates with me, same thing my friend is experiencing ( she is dating an expatriate in Nigeria) but once he travels he becomes mute, it makes me feel like am a fool and he might have a family abroad.
What do I do? The Nigerian guy came back with the intention of us getting engaged and doing trad in Easter, now he is devastated because he is seeing negative sign, he is planning on buying a car for me and renting an apartment for me while he tries to move back, it's very comfortable to slip into but I DONT LOVE him. What do I do?
I trust God will never allow me make a mistake in marriage, but am so clouded with confusion, I can't think clearly, so I don't even know if I am hearing God clearly.
I know myself Stella, I need to love someone to live with him, material things is not enough because I overgrow everything, I don't love the one that loves and worships me, I don't Stella, I need to feel that love everyone talks about, I need to, as I know it's a driving force when other things fail. Help me, please don't give me a short polite answer, dissect every area and let me hear your opinion, help me see clearly, tell me where am wrong SDK family. PLEASE!!
All i can assure you of is that your Lebanese boyfriend is married back home.....forget about him and try to concentrate on the one in front of you.
...............................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
ABUSIVE MOTHER
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
ABUSIVE MOTHER
Hi Stella,hope this mail reach you well.
I'm 20yrs old girl,i stay with my mum cause my dad is late.
Since when I was young I noticed my mum prefers my younger sister to me,she shouts at me,beats me and abuses me publicly.
I'm through with my ND but about to further to get my Bsc.
I swear to God since when I finished secondary school have done all types of job to please her,like cleaning and other odd jobs b/4 I gained admission,when I finished my Nd,i got a good job and was assisting her with money and food stuff.
Stella am the one that paid my sisters school fees when she gained admission to higher institution with the little I saved but I lost the job October.
My mum insults and provokes me at any given opportunity,she calls me all manner of names all because of no money again.i'm still a virgin,never slept with a guy for money I work hard to earn my own money.
Stella she is really pushing me,i'm thinking of running away.
Please help me post it I need sincere advice,thanks.
Run away?My dear at 20years,you are old enough to live on your own.where do you want to run away to?Do you have any relatives or friend you can move in with?Have you had a talk with your mum about how she treats you?Is there someone you can complain to,so they can help talk to your mum?
I am at a loss on what to say......
Na real wah
ReplyDeletePoster 2 better marry the guy that loves you and forget the other guy he is married. That was what happened with my friend, the guy did everything for her, bought her a car and all worshipped the ground she walked on but guy was married with a family back @ home. When she confronted him he said he wants to make her the Nigerian wife so I guess that's what yours is planning also.
DeletePoster 2 you are old enough to be on your own. When u get to sch rent an apartment and start your life biko. When u feel like u come visit and go back. It's well with you
Poster one, u don't have a problem, what I see is "you are not ready to settle down". This Lebanese man ur hoping to get married to, hv u guys talked about marriage? Hv u seen any of his family members? Hv u visited Lebanon b4? Do u knw d name of his village? See just flex ur singlehood very well, free d ibo guy.
DeletePoster 2, some mothers can be crazy, mine inclusive, in fact esp my mum, she takes d crown. Just ignore her & do ur thing. She will push u 2 ur glory, do not leave home, d streets are mean.
Focus on getting ur degrees & a good source of livelihood, also a good man 2 build ur home with, if she still doesn't change, jst cut off.
@poster1 : please cancel the Lebanese man from your list.
DeleteLebanese can be wicked.
Wait on God 4 your own man!
@poster2 : please endure, all these won't last 4ever.
Pray so that God will soften her heart.
End time annoying advice to poster 1 from Mrs korks
DeletePoster 1, you're obviously an alternative for dt lebanese man, better open ur eyes.
DeletePoster 2, if you've exhausted ur options and u can, pls get a place. You'll be fine, God will sort u out.
Some mothers tho
Fix it Lord
ReplyDeleteSweet heart LOVE is just one of the content in marriage profile. Mutual friendship, trust, and respect is the key... Because there will be a time you will be ONTO the same person you were so much INTO... Love is never enough. All you need is to have kids and feel the other kind of love... The love that makes you stronger. The love that will bring out the best in you.. The love that will make you enjoy your marriage when all the icing have melted. The love that will make you Believe and not Cry....
DeletePoster 1, what does the South African guy do for a livin? You need to know all these before going in. A graduate and non graduate .....hmmmmm.
DeleteIt's chronicles time!
ReplyDelete******LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS******
Poster1, u don't need anyone to tell u ur Lebanese boyfrnd is happily married, u can't luv this oda one bcos re confuse with ur married man, try concentrate on him, try luv him, I knw u can't force luv believe me, cos I was once there, but try sist.
DeletePoster2, are u sure u are not M..? This is the exact thing she is going through, it only reduce when d her cash flow to her mum is steady, she has cried on my shoulders many times, so am gonna be on d reading comments mood, so i will knw her to advice her ohhh, some mum shaa!
Poster 1
ReplyDeleteOnly you can advice yourself.
Poster 2
Please gather some money and get a place of your own. You can't keep displeasing yourself over a woman who gives no hoot about you. That word "family" is overrated. People will come and say "pray for her", "keep loving her", etc...for how long? Mschew
Well said Quicksilver, my exact thoughts.
DeletePoster one that Lebanese guy has a family back home. Wake up abeg.he's just using you
DeletePoster two run away at 20? Are you ok? If you can afford to get your own place do so and leave ur mom with her wahala
Any family member that wants to mess you up, delete them from ur life.
DeleteMy tot exactly.
DeletePoster 1, move on.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, pray very hard.
Poster 2 leave that house for your sanity and mental wellbeing . Rent somewhere with a friend or colleague.
DeletePoster 1 it is always best for a lady to marry a man that loves her more.
ReplyDeleteHe is not a graduate but can provide for you and has a legitimate source of income I see nothing wrong there.
Stop dreaming about a Lebanese man who is married and those people are not very nice I heard.
The choice is yours.
Poster 2 the Lord is your strength and just because you hve a headache doesn't mean you should cut off your head.
Try to find out from your mum why she treats you that way. First borns are usually close to their mums, so I'm wondering why yours is different unless of course you're not her biological child.
Main question is, has the Lebanese guy said anything about marrying you or taking you to meet his family?
DeleteAbout the other dude in SA, what does the he do in SA? What will he do when he relocates? I always advise girls to make sure they visit the guy in whichever country he is based, confirm what he does, where he works etc before proceeding. Stay long enough to snoop and make sure he didn't take you to a friend's apartment o. Know someone that the dude was taking to a friend's apartment because he was married to a citizen there and she had no clue. It's better to marry a guy that loves you more but if you can't tolerate him at all, then let him go. You will both live in the same house and see each other everyday so if you can't stand him, it will drive you nuts.
Poster 1 its better to be with a man that adores you than to be with someone that u forces yourself on. Be wise ooh love na secondary
ReplyDeletePoster two run away if u can afford a rent atleast to gain respect from her. Are you sure your father didn't rape that woman to gv birth to you
My mum can behave this way ,she can be very annoying but when I raise my voice and tell her how wrong she is and that one day I will leave the house and never return or that I will go and live with my other sisters any time I am home, I just see her calm like she had suddenly realized her mistake,my mum prefers my sisters to me but I threaten her with leaving the house and she becomes calm, I don't know why some mothers can be so annoying
ReplyDeleteEeeeyaaa
Delete@Poster 1, your Lebanese is probably married, and I will never advice anybody to marry someone they don't love. People do say it's better for your hubby to love you more than how you love him, it's true but not when you don't feel anything for him, love matters most in every relationship. If you know you can't stand him, please don't marry him, else you will turn to a frustrated married woman, hence it will lead you into cheating on him.
ReplyDelete*Poster 2, maybe you have a one on one chat with your mum, probably you ask her if she's truly your mother. Above all, God will provide you with another job, and if you can't withstand it again, leave their house and go and rent a room.
*Larry was here*
Exactly, Larry.
DeleteThere's a difference between being with someone who loves you more than you love him and being with someone who you don't love at all.
#WhiteDiamondOut
@White Diamond abi now, no matter how rice the hubby maybe, they will finally divorce @ the end
Delete*Larry was here*
Poster one u no get sense!
ReplyDeleteFor ur u get lebanese bf hahahahahaha, has he built u a house? Bought u a crosstour? Or na fone n ipad?..dude is has a family. Daz all.
I don't pity u at all...cos u no smart.
Continue waiting, ur age is waiting too...pls allow d nigerian marry a girl who loves him n stick with ur expat..n pray he settles u.
*for ur mind.
Delete* dude has a family.
Lol..jeez caramba!
Ehen! Poster two, u painted ur mom black, if I should hear from ur mom now, d story would be different, I have one at home, rude, bossy, stubborn,impatient..always wanting to hang clothe where their seniors hang clothe,smallie o, when u scold dem, they cry wolf, when u advice them u become their enemy.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteP1, hmmm trouble sit down yanga wan go wake am. Marry this South African man, you would fall in love later. P2, I just don't know
ReplyDeletePOSTER ONE:
ReplyDeleteI am wary of giving advice to ladies who are experiencing issues in relationships. The ladies don't ever tell the complete story. . . like yes, like "giving vagina" to the men in question even whether they love or not; as long as "money is flowing". Lady, the first thing to do is to close legs; why does the Lebanese visit all the way from Ph to Abuja? Isn't he getting something? Of course, Leave the married man and leave the one that you do not love. That is when you will be clear minded and resolved to follow God.
Poster 2: Be patient; you have job experience and some education. Fast and pray and be patient, you'd get a job and move on. Do not allow this "undue pressure" to push you over the edge of using your vagina to fend for yourself; there is so much regrets and sorrow along that path. Keep your pride as a lady and do not listen to girls who will want you to join the chorus because they re jealous. I am yet to meet a girl who do not wish that she kept herself pure till marriage. The fact is that they gave it up in exchange for "something". But what shall a person give in exchange for one's soul.
I do not regret losing my virginity. In fact I am happy I did not save it till marriage, 'cos I gained several things by not remaining a virgin. More so, my husband is impressed by my sexual prowess, we r both explosive in bed. Winks*
Deletesoon u will knw he sees u as a prostitute.mumu
DeleteYour marriage is at risk; seeing that all you have to offer is 'bed experience"
DeleteP1 please put it in prayers ok' God will direct you''' p2.. Face your mum boldly and asked her her reasons for that kind of treatment.. She might just be upset about sumting and dnt knw how to say it to you.
ReplyDeleteNa wa
ReplyDeletePoster 1 is a mumu
Poster 2 u need to go very far away from her.
Poster1, your Lebanese man friend is married. I had an aunt that dated on for 5 year hoping that one day he will pop the question but he never did. Now she is 42 without any man. Though she's rich sha so she can manage with her money.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I feel that your man in south Africa is not as rich as you expected hence you not loving him. My dear, you never see material things before. Material things makes a woman cum.if you see a man with real cool money you will not only fall in love automatically but drown in love. My advice; focus on what is achievable and not fantasy.
Poster2.get another job and leave ur mom alone for awhile.
Thank you nne
DeletePoster 1....when you see money and love I mean real love and respect.you have no other choice that to love the guy. ....
What else do you want ?
Nwa amaka, materials things makes a woman cum? Hahahhahahahahahaahaah, I too like u walahi.
DeleteI Repeat, Lebanese no send you. The average Lebanese can not marry outside their race. You cannot see Lebanese minute of 30 wey never marry.
DeleteAgain, Lebanese no send you message.
Aunty stella I am running out of my mind'. I dated my ex for about 5 years and during those years I endured a lot of tins' he never showed me love' was always embarrsed when walking with me, he had his good side but the bad ones outweighed it yet I stuck to him because I was too weak to leave and I loved him' I prayed everynight for God to intervene and he did, in late 2015 I met the most adorable guy, he was my perfect dream, he is d exact opposite of my ex.. Buys me tins, tells me he loves me every minute, he is everything a woman will ever dream of' he has seen my parents nd I have met his and he is talking marriage already' but I noticed something about him that really bothers me' he has refused to trust me'' it is really affecting our relationship, I told him about my ex and hw I loved him and couldn't leave him till I fasted and prayed.. I had to type this here because of what happened today' my guy came around(I stay with my parents) we were gisting on a normal level' my ex who is also my neighbour walked in asking for charger' he met me in the kitchen and I promised to send someone to give him' aunty stella ehn hell went loose o' my boyfriend called me wicked and a liar, his eyes were blood red and he was almost crying(he is 34) he said he would never believe me till he dies. I became dumb I couldn't even say anything again. This isn't the first time dis is happening, he still believes I am with my ex.. I have pleaded sworn cried and promised that he is the only one' how do I get married to this kind of person when he refused to trust me,he even showed me the ring that he was going to use in proposing today, my ex is just a friend now' I try to keep my distance but my boyfriend wouldn't believe me''' bvs please what do I do?
ReplyDeleteNa wa ooo. Please what friendship are you doing with your ex? And he even came to your house to ask for charger? Better start apologising see how you missed better thing. That your ex is confirm badluck. See me vexing for you sef .
DeleteYour ex is a neighbour? House so porous that he walked into your kitchen or is it face me I hit u? Wow!
DeleteDunno .. don't ask me. Deal with it.
DeleteLucinda
Give me his number, i'll help u talk to him
DeleteDon't marry a man that does not trust you. The marriage will not stand the test of time
DeleteTell your new boo to relocate you from that neighborhood since it's the only Avenue you and your ex get in contact with. And mayb you try cursing your ex when issues relating to him arise while with your new boo. It will him happy.
DeleteTell your ex to stop coming to your house or are you afraid of him?
DeleteWhat nonsense charger is he collecting?
Keep your distance from him before he ruins your relationship.
Still wonder how you guys still keep intouch with your ex's.
Can't do that shit.
You probably gave out too much information about your Ex .
DeletePlease sit him down and talk to him , you can't marry a man that doesn't trust you .
I wish you luck
You should try giving your ex enough space. If possible stop being friendly with him. It will be a shame to lose him over your ex that treated you badly.
DeleteStay away from your ex and let your ex stay away from you!!!!
DeleteStop mentioning my ex- this my ex- that...... Even me wey dey read this, I tire sef, how much more your bf?
Haba!!!!
You are the problem here. You've refused to know where to draw the line.
DeleteHe came to collect charger ko
This is why I love sdk bvs.. Well.. I appreciate what y'all said.. My guy got upset and left, we exchanged several calls and txts I apologised and promised to cut off ties completely with my ex, he came back to the house and I have my ring on my finger'... #shining teeth.. .@ivory, nah its a block of flats not Face2face, mmuuaahh y'all.
DeletePoster 1,
ReplyDeleteHold your ears and listen to me,it's better you get married to someone that loves you more than you do...
Trust me,with time you will fall madly in love with him...
If your leave this guy,mark my words,you will regret it!...
Did you say you are in love with a Lebanese?...kwakwakwakwa I laugh!...
Mumu,can't you see he is a married man?..don't go and settle down be there forming what I don't know...your mates don born children full house and you are here talking trash...
Poster 2,
Biko run away!...
You want to die before your time?to hell with your mother...
L.E is on point today.
DeleteI always love ur comments...u are so real...ifymcqueens
DeleteI always love ur comments...u are so real...ifymcqueens
DeleteI always enjoy and learn from your comments..you are so real...
DeleteI wont advice my enemy to marry a lebanese,they're very wicked o..hmmmm
DeletePOSTER ONE:
ReplyDeleteI am wary of giving advice to ladies who are experiencing issues in relationships. The ladies don't ever tell the complete story. . . like yes, like "giving vagina" to the men in question and even aborting; even whether they love or not; as long as "money is flowing". Lady, the first thing to do is to close legs; why does the Lebanese visit all the way from Ph to Abuja? Isn't he getting something? Of course, Leave the married man and leave the one that you do not love. That is when you will be clear minded and resolved to follow God.
Poster 2: Be patient; you have job experience and some education. Fast and pray and be patient, you'd get a job and move on. Do not allow this "undue pressure" to push you over the edge of using your vagina to fend for yourself; there is so much regrets and sorrow along that path. Keep your pride as a lady and do not listen to girls who will want you to join the chorus because they re jealous. I am yet to meet a girl who do not wish that she kept herself pure till marriage. The fact is that they gave it up in exchange for "something". But what shall a person give in exchange for one's soul.
2nd narrative...we are Nigerians and I can tell you that most first issues go through similar situations...I think your mum is the fire that will sharpen your sword..running will not solve the problem tho it will help her appreciate you when she starts missinh you no doubt..but be patient and engage yourself with positive thoughts or any biz that will make you leave the house as often as possible...parents are a blessing no matter how tough they turn out to be sometimes..and don't forget to pray for her everyday
ReplyDeleteP1 expatriate (chinese, india, lebanese) it doesn't end well, they come here to work n they pick one maybe two gals they love up, open car doors for her, wear same native attire with her, He gives U enuf cash prolly buy U car if U request, U suck his uncircumcised d*ck in his office. After that what next??? He travels to his home country n the most U do is whatsapp. IT'S A "HOAX"
ReplyDeleteAll I'm tryna say is U shdnt consider marriage with him.
As for Ur boyfrd, U don't ve to marry him if U don't feel too good about it.
The lebanese n ur boyfrd has no basis for comparism...
He doesn't give her any reasonable cash jor!
DeleteD ones that grace his bed in ph are d ones enjoying sef...make she dey abuja dey jonze!
Sixfeeta!your head dey house..ur name though.lol
DeletePoster 1: that ur 'whity' bf is married o. Run away. Face this guy your mum introduced you too. Maybe the love will grow.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: stella, this is not Yankee that you tell a 20 year old that she is old enuf to live on her own o. Plz, don't advise her wrongly. Madam, your mum loves you. Start working on you living for school and watch your respect come back. Most mothers are like that.
Baby, my mother is not like that.
DeleteSunshine dear, i'm not generalizing
DeletePoster one:
ReplyDeleteYou love the one that is not so into you, and are indifferent to the one that worships the ground you walk on.
What about forgetting the both of them and finding someone who you love almost as much as they love you.
My opinion though, because I can't imagine being with someone I don't love, no matter how much the person loves me.
Poster two, you're thinking of running away. To where exactly?
Do you think it's like Nollywood movies where you'll be knocked down by a rich good samaritan, who will end up taking care of you.
The world is evil.
Your mum may be very abusive, but at least, she won't harm you, I guess.
So,till you are independent enough (not old enough) to find your own way, or know someone you trust, whom you can go to, please just endure for a little while.
Find something doing, a job or handiwork, something that will fetch you some money, both to take care of yourself and for tuition, then you can rent a room and move out.
I wonder why she's that way with you though.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Pure true, I can't even kiss someone I don't truly love
Delete*Larry was here*
God bless you for such wisdom.
DeletePoster 1, leave both men.
Post 1, abeg leave d Lebanese guy, think straight, don't u know it's better for your husband to love u more, yeah it is! Every probability that d marriage will last when your husband loves u more, we women easily love than men, u even try dey date Lebanese, I can't even near them Mchewww
ReplyDeletePost 2, naturally parents tend to have favourite amount siblings but it's wrong when it's very obvious, truly if u got someone else to stay just leave her, she miss u n always look for u as long as you are her blood
Poster 1: i don't even know what to tell you... Marry the Lebanese maybe your eye will clear that he has a family! Mtchww
ReplyDeletePoster 2: it's well my dear... Try Going to a fam member's house or friend to stay there without her knowledge and see if she would change...
Poster one. . All I have to say is..you don't want the guy ?make icome collect
ReplyDeletePoster 1- your Lebanese expatriate got a family back home and secondly hope you know they are staunch Muslims? Well except if you are same then you can go for him and be the Nigerian wife.
ReplyDeleteBut once his contract in Nigeria is over, sorry for you.
you become a single mother/wife.
For the ibo (S/A) dude, if you don't love him, do not marry him. He may have all comforts to offer you but a loveless marriage leads to cheating and all sorts.
I will advise you wait for prospect number 3.
3 is a lucky number.
The choice is yours
Poster 2.
Pls pray for your mum to have a soft heart towards you. She has a a problem- favoritism. Your younger sis seem to posses some certain heart warming qualities than you.
No mother hates her own. There must be something you are not doing right that makes her flip on you.
Rediscover yourself and set yourself right. Your mother is your mother. You can never have another.
Love her. Do things right, continue being a good child.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteBitch!
DeleteHahahahahahahahahaha....
DeleteThese members of BVN are so crazy!!...
Damn!...
Lmao...
How is she a bitch?
DeleteThe poster doesn't appreciate the SA guy, so allow someone that needs him to take him. Simple!
Kikikiki
DeleteNigerian women are to desperate..smh. ..Asking a man u ve never met to be passed on to u..smfh
Deleteposter one.. is that your south African based igbo man named Emmanuel ezimora? if yes, please avoid him like a plague and believe you are single...thanks
ReplyDeleteState your reasons.
DeletePost1 if I hear you say hear from God, how can you hear from God and you indulge in fornication.
ReplyDeleteHow do you think its possible to love two men at the same time the same way, Stella has given you the right advise
Hmmm God,see someone confused about suitor to choose while your daughter does not even have a toaster. Hmmm BabaGod, pls do Iit for me dis year.
ReplyDeletePoster 1, love is sometimes a decision.if you put ur mind to loving the nigerian,you will end up loving him.give him a trial as the Lebanese might just be married.
Poster2, pls have a heart tro heart talk with ur mum and let her know how u feel before u runaway. Biko.
Poster1 my mum will always say "its better for the man to hv more love than for the woman". My dear go wt him as long as he loves u wt time ,u will love him back but wat I know for sure is dt wen a guys love is more,d woman is at peace
ReplyDeletePoster 2 try n get urself together do not try to pls anyone focus on urself n career so her attitude won't get much to u
7yrs ago I was deeply in love with someone else who loved me but wasn't so much. Meanwhile I had a man who loved me so much and adores the ground I walk on but I didn't love him
DeleteAfter careful consideration I married the man who loved me so much and adores me and who I didn't love
Today we have 3 kids and I am deeply in love with him. When I look back I keep wondering why I loved my ex when I have a perfect gentle man who was killing himself to be with me
I love him and love the choice I made. And his love for me is still greater than mine and it makes things easy
I'm here to read comments.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 If u don't love the Nigerian guy,don't marry him and forget about the lebanese guy too because I think he is married and he does not love u.He is only using u to pasttime when he comes to Nigeria.Forget both of them but if u can love the nigerian guy,marry him.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 call a member of your family or friend your mum loves and respect to talk to her and pray.
This Stella. I hope not everyone takes your advice oh. If you don't know what to say you keep quiet. Which one is focus on the one in front of you? She said she doesn't love him. Is it when she marries him and problems start you'll speak with your senses?
ReplyDeletePlease poster 1. They aren't the only men in this world. Your soulmate is near and you'll know and have no worries when you meet him
Lol! Second chronicler your story is incomplete...tell us the real deal & we would know what advice to offer. First chronicler I understand your ordeal...just don't end up marrying a man you do not care about! Marriage does not validate you...do what makes you happy. Your lebanese boyfriend wouldn't marry you...I hope you know that.
ReplyDeleteLucinda
Poster 1 biko if he proposes marriage go right ahead and marry the expat. Wetin dey pain me for this matter is the fact that you do not deserve the SA guy. My advise, kindly cut him lose. I hope you get what you deserve with the Lebanese who are btw notorious for being sly.
ReplyDeleteAt poster1 pls can you hook me up with your south african igbo illiterate biko adim interested...
ReplyDeletePoster one,but the Lebanese guy is married now...or you don't mind being the second wife? I do not understand,did you even think his silence in his country is due to network issues? Or you are naive?
ReplyDeleteAbout your suitor,why not get to know him..like what he does for a living(very important maka ndi drugs)
Please court him first,don't rush into marriage ooh,before he turns out to be a nasty fella...don't be in a rush. If he can't wait,he will just fizzle out with time.
Poster two,lol@running away. How bad can it actually be?
Focus on schooling and getting a decent job(i know it is almost impossible in Nigeria) don't give up.
Don't leave your mom,she might actually need you,just kind of bitter...
God bless you and never lose focus.
At poster1 pls can you hook me up with your south african igbo illiterate biko adim interested...
ReplyDeleteEnter your comment...Jesus fix it all.
ReplyDeletePls come and advice dem...
sideeyes
Poster 1: its beta u marry d man dat luvs u more dan u luv him ooo cus I was advised by a married man dat wen eva I wnt 2 marry I shuld'nt marry sum1 I ova luv (he's talkin frm experience)cus it wil mak him get tired of me cus u'll b ova protective (monitoring him lyk a baby)of him nd dats wat men hated most. My dear as tyms goes on u'll grow 2 luv him bak trust me.
ReplyDeleteLet me attach my chronicle here, need ur sincere advice bvs
ReplyDeleteMet my bf same year we entered school although it was diff uni, we were so inlv n there was respect in d rlshp. One thing led to the other we had sex n dt was wen I lost my virginity to him in our 3rd year n after few months I left him cos I wasnt feeling the whole stuff any longer. He graduated before me wt a year, I tried other rlships too but wasnt inlove with any of them, on his part tried others too but will call from time to time telling me he wanted us back n was still deeply inlove wt me after having dated other gals. I decided to give it a trial after 3yrs of breakup n told him we should get back. He was so happy n all over me, he told our old friends n family about us n asked me to give him a little time before we get married cos its just one year since he started business n to God's glory he lives in his flat n has two buses running for him n asked for more time so I wdnt suffer wen he marries me ... u know our igbo brothers na. He broke up with his ex immediately we made up which am aware of but d problem is that for d past few weeks he have reduced d frequency with whc he calls as he just checks on me once in a day or two days, atimes he hardly pick my calls n apologise wenever I nag about this attidude telling me he will change. Am so weak n frustrated now cos he slept wt me last week after being celibate for more than three years, am not proud of our action n v asked God for forgivenesss but he still vnt changed interms of communication, always complaining its d nature of business as its so tiring n it hurts so much. Pls am I over reacting n impatient or do I move on n leave him again as I feel ashamed nagging n feeling so attached to a man. Hope am not being taken for granted? Or shd I excercise more patient
Poster 1, read this write up and u wld knw that marrying/being with a man u over love would affect your self esteem and you would nag and nag and nag till u become frustrated especially when there is no money.
DeleteStop nagging that's one thug women don't know. Never nag a man.
DeleteAllow him be, don't suffocate him. And see how he will change.
Calling you every minute,give him less attention and he will give you more attention.
I know hw u feel. But it might be his business. Probably, he has doubled effort now dat u r back so as to seal d relationship. Be a bit patient. U need to learn dat it's not always rosy. Complain will put more pressure on him. Just get something to occupy ur mind and let him be. He will call
DeleteI hate men that uses the nature of their jobs as an excuse to not put in the attention a relationship need.
DeleteI just break with you and unto the next one.
Hi, calm down love. I will suggest you be patient a bit and get busy also so you don't have all the time to be monitoring his calls. When he notices u drawing back he will buckle up. Also dont make it a do or die affair, if it's not working anymore, let him go. Someone amazing will come around. About the sex, dunno, use your church mind and be careful. One love.
DeleteChloe Coco
He love u, but biko take it easy wt him, don't choke him with love and don't nag or complain too much. Pray he makes more money fast, so that u can get married Asap.
DeleteThanks guys
DeleteOmg! Stella I typed a long epistle for poster 1 and it wiped off,crying!!! Madam 28years receive sense no be even better oyibo na Lebanese. Poster 2 hv a heart to heart talk with your mom
ReplyDeletePoster 1, the devile you is better than the angel you don't know.
ReplyDeletePoster2 , pray about it , talk to your mother how you feel and if possible get your pastor or priest involve.
Poster1 - Please stop dating the Lebanese, you are certainly his mistress here in Nigeria cos he gats his family back home, leave the Lebanese guy oh, he is certainly married from your narration. Secondly, this Nigerian guy based in SA, you don't know much about him so don't be quick to leave him, you should try knowing like dating, gradually you will grow to Love him. Poster 2. Your mum won't kill you, just learn to love, respect, n Please her. Don't run away cos that is the worst. Maybe you should change your attitude.
ReplyDeleteThe Lebanese boyfriend is definitely married. That's a no brainer na.
ReplyDeleteIf u don't love the other guy, find another. The Lebanese one is Sha not for u.
I bet some will say 'marry him if he has money'...dats why I don't date ladies from very poor homes,d poverty mentality seldom leaves dem no matter how much dey have later,dey think everythin is about money.
ReplyDeleteChildren of emirs,billionaires don't marry poor men too, they go for rich men.
DeleteIs everything not about money huh? Abeg leave trash for lawma
DeleteMoney is everything.
*tongue out*
P1: I know some BVs may tell u to quit but for me I believe that love grows with time, open ur heart to his love and u shall feel it and reciprocate. On his cultural belief and whether he is a graduate or not, pls advise him to start a program at NOUN or Part time program in S.A there and it shall be well with ur marriage.
ReplyDeleteP2: U can't always erase someone's perception about u so easily, pray for God to prosper u and ur mum and others will love u so naturally cos all parents always want to associate with successful children.
Poster 1 must u chose between those 2?
ReplyDeleteForget d lebanese ooo
As for mr SA well sometimes they say its better to marry the one that loves u more than u love him
First to comment? Lol. Leave both men @ Poster 1. You and me are wired same way. When I don't feel love, I don't feel it no matter how hard I force myself. Don't be in a loveless marriage. My cousin's wife did it and after a year she left. All the while we saw with our eyes that she loved him not but she string him along for marriage sake. Poster 2, talk to your mum.
ReplyDeleteOh men! Poster 1, Lebanese, really? Are you psychotic? Lebanese AKA Arabs are demented! They are bastards and born slavers! The worst set of racists ever! How can you consider a Lebanese. First of all, that Lebanese won't marry you. All other thing na talk. Secondly if he does, you'll hate yourself and that marriage. I don't care about the rest of your chronicle, because seeing "lebanese" just sent me into attack mode. Yeah, that's true what's with Nigerian girls and Lebanese? When I visit Nigeria and see them fawning over them a lot. Lol, Lebanese, the lowest of the lowest scum on the slavers list. Gosh! I hate Arabs, Lebanese especially!
ReplyDeleteLEBANESE!!!!!!! Hahahahaha! Damn! Girl you is stupid.
DeleteLebanese do not marry outside their tribe
Lebanese do not love black people
Lebanese no send you
Lebanese no send you gaan
Walk away from bs for now. Or ride it and be rich from it all.
Poster one you guys will never learn,you are dating a married Lebanese just forget him,however pls if u knw u cant giv itself time n opportunity to see if u can dev some kind of feeling for s second guy pls free him n continue ur search party.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: At 20 u r an adult,work hard,earn some money n leave dat house,secure it happiness and freedom.when ur mum looks for u n cant find u her sense will come back.just don't let her knw ur plans of leaving n don't even let her knw wen u r. leaving
Nmmmmmm. So i have this handsome shy cute dude in my office dt i hv been admiring and he told me he is a virgin. Lo and behold he is. So he came to my house today as a virgin and left as a spoilt guy. The first round was less than 5 minutes and d guy was crying like a baby.. and d second to fifth rounds gets better dt he never wanted to go home. But he can sulk pussy for africa. Ouch, d way he mourned when i almost swallowed his thick dick. Lets see where d friendship heads cos my bf is effing already. At 28 u r stil a virgin? SMH. Mr A i enjoyed it oo and i want more. #runs to buy postinor#forgot to use protection....
ReplyDeleteMay God have mercy on you n may u realise ur mistake.
DeleteWow!...
DeleteMy kind of guys...
Ur job must be the low paying one . How were u employed with this mess of a write up?
Delete*suck
*moaned
Gerrout joor, this ur post is making someone horny. I still chose my celibacy tho.
Delete1. The truth is right in front of you if only you can open your eyes to see it. To start with, the Lebanese guy is married else, how do you explain his break in comm anytime he's away? Forget about him dear.
ReplyDeleteYou said you have no problem with the one coming for you in marriage except that you don't have feelings for him. Why not tell him to move the engagement a bit forward to know him better and that way, you might develop some feelings for him cos I can't marry someone I have no affection for, I guess its same with you but don't delay things too much. God will help you dear. Its well
2. Talk to your mum but if she's adamant, please fix yourself somewhere else to stay so you won't lose your self esteem. When you're away, your mum might realize her mistakes and come calling. She's suppose to help you build your self esteem not to pull it down.
Poster 1, I know your type, u run around with those click of gals that chase after these expatriates, you don't want to give the Nigerian guy a chance in your heart bcos u are in love with the Lebanese guy, I pity you, keep waiting for him n u will lose out on a very good man and become Lord of the rings
ReplyDeleteOK Stella I guess you meant not old enough to live on her own. My dear p2 you don't need to run away, you don't need to hate her, and also from you posted I don't think you have any relative you can be free to relate this matter to.
ReplyDeleteBut there is one thing you should know God is the only person you can run to, he is the only person you can pour you heart to. And I bet you he is waiting for you to come to him , stay focused don't let her push you into trying anything stupid. She only sees you as being more matured and feels it's right to share responsibilities with you even though it's soooo wrong. Just stay focused cause it shall end in praise.
P1 don't tell me you need sm1 to tell you that the foreigners are married. Don't waste your time loving someone else husband. Appreciate the man loving you already cause it's hard to come by these days. You are not able to love him with the magic you want cause you chanelled all to the Lebanese guy.wake up before you send chronicles of how do you get the loving guy back after the Lebanese guy left you. Love grows when you give it room and not when you don't create room for it.
Poster1: of all the people to fall for na Lebanese,those crooks and shroud minded guys, babe run for your life. Pls face that guy whose mumu button God has put in your hand and the kind of LOVE you're looking for to experience is not available except you delusional, moreover love grows steadily if you're willing to try.
ReplyDeletePoster2: so as your mama scold you come make her an abusive mum abi? Nowadays children una fear God fa, maybe your sister is not like you and I know because am a mum and pls don't lie check your heart if all you wrote there about your mum is true. Ehen you see sey it's not the whole truth abi? Oya go inside go hug am, tell am sey you sorry, betta pikin see how you just dey fine tititi.
Poster 1: Forget about the Lebanese man, your guess of him having another family back home is correct. For the Igbo man if you are sure you don't love him enough to live with him for the rest of your life don't marry him or better still tell him to give you more time to know him more, may be you can discover more about him or probably fall in love with him later. Your happiness is very important since you have not placed money above love.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: I know you would have tried talking to her on your own with no result, you can invite may be your pastor so that she can open up on why she hate you that much. Something is wrong somewhere, it could be a pain she has refused to tell about your birth.
Poster 1: Forget about the Lebanese man, your guess of him having another family back home is correct. For the Igbo man if you are sure you don't love him enough to live with him for the rest of your life don't marry him or better still tell him to give you more time to know him more, may be you can discover more about him or probably fall in love with him later. Your happiness is very important since you have not placed money above love.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: I know you would have tried talking to her on your own with no result, you can invite may be your pastor so that she can open up on why she hate you that much. Something is wrong somewhere, it could be a pain she has refused to tell about your birth.
P1. The reason why many current marriages fail is cos people think all you need is love. When our parents' marriages were arranged, they lasted longer. Take it from me, it is better to go into a marriage with no expectations cos , like a man once said, whatever you take into a marriage will after a few years reduce. If you went in, loving your spouse, after some years, the love will reduce and if you went in without much love, after some years, you will discover that you have developed some feelings for your spouse. Your Lebanese bf is married.
ReplyDeleteP2. Your mum wants what is good for you. You will reap the benefits in years to come. Be humble. Stella you self! What kind advise be that?
Madam labenese,
ReplyDeleteUr guy is happily married,
And for ur information , even if he is single, he will never wife u cos its a taboo In their place
Even if u have a baby for him, he won't be accepted by his family.
Poster 1...BABE why will you even do this to yourself. 28 and not 18 and you can not put two and two together that a man going silent on you when he is in his home country means he is married? If you don't like SA guy then don't marry him. You and your girlfriend dating expats are acting like kids. If it is about the money then just be there and be careful, these expats are disease ridden. Be single for two minutes and wait for your own man. To have a man is not to breathe.
ReplyDeletePoster 2...At 20, you want to run away. You are an adult. We are not in that age anymore. If your mum finds fault in you, talk to her. Present your self as an adult and talk to her.
Poster 1: the lebanese guy is married or if he isn't married he can't marry you at all.
ReplyDeleteThe SA igbo guy is ur best bet for now. My mum and some experienced mums/wives always tell me to marry someone that loves me more than I do and I concur. As a female, u wld grow to love him most esp if he gives u comfort plus love. Bt if u really don't want to be with him, kindly leave road let other sisters see him.
Poster 2: ve been there before but as I matured, I reasoned more and better. Don't think of running away please. Send her a text to start with if she isn't ready to talk. She is your mother and no matter what she does, a mother's love is the greatest. Pele dear
Already 28, yet no sense of self. You will sooon find love is more than having butterflies in your stomach.
ReplyDeleteWhen you find a man who respects you,has integrity and a sense of responsibility, that's your 'king',keep him. Else, you will end up with the 'joker'.
Poster 2, I understand you totally! My mother is like that too, to make things worse, am the only child. She abuses me at will, embarrasses me publicy! Naggs the life out of me. Any time I was on hols, because of her, I dreaded home! I even tried talking to her and telling how she makes me feel in the house, no way! It was he'll. I had to move out oo, and it was the best decision I made when I visit, I spend a week, when it gets to 2weeks, she starts agagin!! I used to, and I still think she has a mental problem, because nobody can talk to her, her siblings can't talk to her. No one can live with her, the people who come always runway. I pray for her sha, that God should give her internal peace. My dear, get a job save and move out! Don't tell her, just leave after 3mnths go n visit and don't stay more than 2weeks, that's my advice to you.
ReplyDeleteTwo weeks is too long sef !! 2 days
DeleteMy dear poster 1, my advice to you do not turn dis ur guy down yet. Tell your mum u guys need time to get to know eachoda, spend time with him, atlst on phone there was an initial attraction. My dear love smtimes grows o. If he can let him also secure a SA visa for you, spend real time with him, get to know his person, his environment. Forget all dat looks or weda graduate, if he's doing well in biz leave certificate. Get to know him for atleast 1yr, you may never know you can fall in love with him. Do not rush to marry either shld you turn him down. Smtimes you have to mold dese men into what you desire. You are 28, pls be smart. I have one beautiful lady in my church, slim, nice shape, in her early 50s now, still single. I heard in her youth she turned away so many men, this one is not fine enuf, not rich enuf,not educated enough. Now she goes round dating expatriate dat have dere families abroad o. I saw her at d beach one day in short nicker with oyinbo, don't let that be ur portion. And pls forget that Lebanese, even if he's not even married yet. They don't marry Nigerians, d mother will always send a wife to him. I have a friend dat dated nor, it won't work. Pls hold on to d one you have at hand. Even if you will still surf at other options or suitors, but hold on to him. My frank advice
ReplyDeletePoster 1. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm mm m no comment
ReplyDeletePoster 2. Talk to your mum, something is wrong somewhere, because no reasonable mother will hate her own child for NO reason. Something must be behind it could be spiritual. Seek the face of God and he will guide you. Are you working???
'Reasonable' mother!!!
DeleteBut here we are dealing with an unreasonable one so poster 2 abeg pack your bags and love her from afar.
Poster one,ur whitty is married back home,forget him and move on.Your southy bf,if u dont love him,dont marry him, cos u wil keep getting irritated with everything he do and this will cause constant nagging and problem in your marriage,i will advice u take time off and study his type of person,habit if there is any,and see if u can cope,am talking frm my own experience,try to love him first before u marry him,thou is good for the man to love you more than you love him,but at least there should be a little bit of love frm you.Stay bless.
ReplyDeletePoster two,runing frm home is not d solution,may be there are somethings you are not doing right,ask your mum what are the things you do that annoy her.Some mothers dont like their first child,if your mum is one of them,then there is nothing you can do to please her,just be careful with her so that she wil not lead u to do terrible things u wil later regret.I pray God touch her heart to love u.It is well with you.
Poster 1 Isi odikwa gi mma? *dats all*
ReplyDeleteP1: you Ve'nt found love yet. You'll feel it when you do. Tell you supposed fiance that it can't work.he'll be so disappointed but you are preventing yourself from sending in future chronicles.
ReplyDeleteP2: Some of the things you posted ain't relevant... Next time plz make your post straight so there wouldn't be complicated advises. Now the advice is, if you've gathered enough money, plz move out and live on your own, n you'll be surprised by the manner of respect your momma will ve for you... Plz dun feel bad. She's still your mom, treat her well n God's blessing will forever continue to envelop you.
God bless us
@jemima john, are you a witch. Our stories are one and d same. I am also an only child, our stories are one and d same. I have spoken to so many family members to talk to my mum, written her letters , done everything. Still yet d woman can't change. The worst part is na me dey even pay d house rent, still yet she feels I'm useless. Iv always worked made my own money, wake up 5am, go to d place I work, bought my own car, still yet this woman feels like I'm d laziest person alive. I work and u feel I will have d time to be a house wife cooking all sorts of food and scrubbing floor with brush, I just laught at d woman. You Neva see useless child. I go school, graduate, get job, pay rent. What else. I have now seen it my best option is to get my own place. The woman wants to give me HBP at my small age. What I now do in d house is to ignore her. I greet her, give her her respect, but sit and be gisting Nooooo. Bcos once u ppl start to siddon talk, arguement go enter. Poster @20, you are still too young to move out, wit ur small small jobs u can't pay rent in a good place. When you're in d house be ignoring ur mother, stay always in ur room, respect her, greet her. Finish ur education, immediately you get a good job, move out. These mothers can kill someone if you let them. Love them from afar, once in a while just go and greet, spend 1/2hrs dere, take her provisions. Dust ur slippers and head back to ur house.
ReplyDelete,
Nothing like still yet dear, is either still or yet.
DeleteI dunno why Nigerian girls want to die on top expatriates. Even when they can clearly see the signs that he's married. Dey there o.
ReplyDelete1, please be very careful, the foreigner may have his own family you are here die for him. why don't u go for the guy that worships you?? marriage is nt moi moi ooo so think very well
ReplyDelete1, please be very careful, the foreigner may have his own family you are here die for him. why don't u go for the guy that worships you?? marriage is nt moi moi ooo so think very well
ReplyDelete2 pls don't let her frustrate you. keep been who u are pls don't move to any friend cos it might lead to what you don't expect. be wise