Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Advertisement

Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Sunday, February 07, 2016

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmm this Chronicle was like taking a walk down memory lane for me......






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
PARENTAL BONDAGE


Hello Stella,
Please I need your advice and those of fellow bvs and please forgive my epistle. 


Stella ever since I was little I've lived a sheltered life. My parents never allow us to visit or go anywhere that is not church or relatives. We are always indoors and it's affected my ability to socialize and keep friends. 

It's bad even to the extent that in the uni I rarely socialized, it was like a phobia and even my emotional maturity is in check. My ex was introduced to me through church and when I finally started loving the guy, due to some church ish between both families he suddenly wasn't good enough for my parents. I fought to keep the relationship but at the end I gave in to them. 


Now I've finished school and just recently started a small job that takes up even my weekends tho still living with my parents. Men are after me but get tired thinking I'm forming busy.  

Stella I'm very pretty but im so shy and lack this confidence to relate with people and all. Now I'm 26 and my parents are disturbing me everytime about marriage. My mum has turned it into a prayer point. Stella I no dey hear word on top marriage matter. 

These are the same people that wanted to kill me 2years ago because I attended my own birthday party a serious guy begged to throw for me. I still shudder from the embarrassment from that day. Stella leave!

The issue is now I'm trying to make up time to go out with the guys that r interested in me on Sundays by which I must be back home by 9pm in order to break this cycle of house+work+church cus If we(siblings) r not indoors it's church. We r not allowed to sleep outside at all cus according to my parents it can only mean hotels and clubbing. To hangout after work nko na wahala. 


My sis and I once were delayed at the salon and got home past 9 and this man started calling and raining abuses on us on phone and by the time we got home he had locked the gate. My mum had to later open it for us. Now my dad starts cussing me out that I want to turn into a prostitute that men take to hotels to rubbish on sundays. He has forbidden us from staying out overnight be it parties or whatever and now no more Sunday evening outings or the next time he will throw me out of his house etc. 

Did I mention I work every other day? 

How am I supposed to live in this situation? I feel so stifled. Their intentions may be good but is this the way? Am i asking for to much to just go out once in a while? Not even clubs oh, just hangouts? Would have moved out but not financially buoyant enough to stay on my own. We(siblings and I) have tried to reason with them but no way.

 I dont understand this their reasoning and have never given them cause for doubt before. Im not a rebellious person else this would have been another story. Is anybody going thru such and how did they cope? 

Is this normal? 

How long will they keep controlling? Is my existence just to please my parents and do their bidding ALWAYS? And this immense pressure to settle down will the hubby fly down from heaven into the house? I just tire. 

Am I even ready to escape this bondage and jump into marriage? 

Please I need your thoughts and advice and that of fellow bvs on how to proceed Stella cus i am ready to bone them and prepare for the consequences. Thanks.


WOW,My dad was exactly like yours but it was all through my life until i entered University where i started fighting back..the lion in me came out no one believed that the shy,naive and respectful girl i was could fight.My rebellion earned me lots of cane and lock out,i USED TO SLEEP at the gate when i missed my dead line to return home.

I used to have cane marks all over me the next day and would hide indoors from shame but it was only rebellion that freed me from the parental bondage.
I dont want to advice you to fight back but since you have tried all and nothing worked,try to have small dates during your lunch break and explain to your date what you are going through.....Go out on Sundays but return early and explain you are out looking for a husband for them..LOL

You will ultimately need to move out my dear..you are old enough..it is even only back home you see kids your age still at home,abroad,once you are adult (18)parents encourage you to move out/on.
Please do not be rude or have any verbal altercation in your quest to be free.

Good luck.






143 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Your parent needs Jesus!!!!!

      Delete
    2. If you want to be free,Save some money and rent your own apartment...even if na 1 room!

      Delete
    3. My Dad was worst than yours. I remembered that year my Dad refused to pay my school fees cos I made mid night call. He Couldn't believe I had a bf until I got married cos. I became myself best friend. The. Day he heard I no Lagos roads, islands and took flights to visit friends he almost fainted.
      My dear, I won't lie to, you can only live a better life when you stay away from him. Get to stay wt ur any cousin or relative during the weekend. Don't come back home and gist any sibling or mum before dey do tatafo. Be ursef, look more holier wen u return on Mondays. Now am happily married to the best friend. Don't wait till you start attending shiloh and holy ghost.
      Send me a mail so I can add you as a friend later on ebun4gift4christ@gmail.com

      Delete
    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    5. My sisters married early nau. Just to be free from shackles. Thankfully they married better correct guys. Now when they see me flexing my single hood, they start saying they don't know where they were rushing to. But how would they have known, when at that point all they wanted to do was leave.

      Delete
    6. Just let your father read this chronicles and the comments..lol..
      Seriously, talk to your pastor or an adult that your parents respect.let them talk to your parents and make them understand.
      Alternatively, begin to source for jobs far away from home! Or find a room mate so that you share an apartment.
      Or better still just call them for a meeting.You and your sister should open up to them and explain .speak to them from your heart,cry sef.If you don't have the guts to do any of the above,write a letter to your Dad and unburden your heart.drop the letter on his pillow. If he still doesn't change...Babe REBEL!!! wetin sef.na I'm wan marry you? I heard a story a long time ago about a girl who was in your situation.she feigned pregnancy and said her dad was responsible afterall he doesnt allow her go out.see kasala! The truth came out eventually but the Dad started behaving well.Some parents na strong thing fit them.

      Delete
    7. Gosh. Did I send in this chronicle. Anyway,i fought, rebelled,now I'm free. I'm also trying to save and move out. My job does not give me time. People keep wondering how a beautiful lady is still single.

      Delete
    8. Did I send this chronicle some couple of years ago.That was me some years back.I had a long distance relationship for almost 10 years and my parents*mom* never knew about him,my mom is very strict.


      Now,I stand at 32 years, still living with my parents but now as a REBEL.Never had any relationship except my first (I never wanted another person to go through the same situation as my first relationship and I am even used to being single).Now , I am not proud to be how I have turned out with my parents(esp my mom) by I needed to be that to regain my sanity.


      Delete
    9. Story of my life..

      If I parents know where I Don waka reach ehn... hbp be that.

      Thank God for work now cos that's my latest story.

      Delete
    10. My dear just go and become a nun or dedicate urself solely to God. Tell them u have found the groom they would approve of for u. Jesus!!! 9pm and u r a prostitute??? Hian marry Jesus I beg. Let them be happy

      Delete
  2. Sunday Chronicles!
    Brb.



    ******LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS******

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nne, tell them you want to go and do a masters abroad. Look for a good school in a country where you have no relative. Far far away.
      Make sure you collect all collectible pocket money. Thank God there are card limits now, so you have to be financially balanced before you move. When you get there, scatter craze.
      My dad was like this. But I have done things my elder ones could not do. I have packed two cars as a single girl and even moved out of his house. I have gone abroad several times without a 'husband to be' sponsoring the trip. These were things my sisters Could not do because they were afraid of being called irresponsible and all sorts of names. And they had far better jobs than me, before they married. Guess what? I've been called rebellious, stubborn, vain. Bla bla. Infact, I started sleeping out on the guise of work before I eventually moved out. Will go to my friends place And just crash for crashing sake. I never knew sleepovers when I was younger. Because of policing. Everything is a sin. Sometimes they won't see me for days and I show up to face all the drama. Did I die? Mscheew! Na them go tire. Infact, as I type this they are tired. I was church girl with no social life. My confidence was dwindling. I was so naive. Even my first few years in uni they made me stay in my grandmas house. You can imagine??!! When I said I wanted to rent my own place it was the under and brimstone, but I stubbornly did. And they didn't hear I was prostituting around town, even until I graduated. Only for me to return home after graduation they wanted to start policing my life. I showed them that I wasn't my elder sisters and aunties that married out of our house. Today we are all friends. Case closed .
      I've learnt sha. My children ehn.... Make I no talk.... My dear, if you don't like it you have to stand up for yourself. How can they be praying for husband when they don't allow you socialize? Where would husband fall from? The tree? Typical naija parents.

      Delete
    2. Thank God for God because if not for God all those that have parents like this posters' parents would have turn out really bad#Iamalivingtestimony.

      It is good to install discipline in children but there should be limits, extremity can make a child rebellious and it could cause parents the joy,respect and love from their children.

      At the end of the day, these parents get old and weak and by this time all the discipline (negative and esagerated ) installed in these children turn to hatred.
      May God help us all.

      Delete
  3. Busy with Arsenal ball, will read later. Arsenal is leading with 2goals now



    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear,trust me you ain't alone in this.Typical Nigerian parents.I hear for my parents too.Yours is even good that your siblings are understanding,mine is that ALL my siblings joined I'm fighting me o.I started displayin my craze when I was in secondary school,going for parties and Variety shows and my parents wanted to kill me.There's no unprintable name you can think of that I wasn't called then by my parents.Mine graduated to full blown madness when I gained admission into the University and my parents found out I had a boyfriend,it was like I had committed the worst sin on earth and everyday was judgement day in my house for me.I fought back like my life depended on it.My curfew was increased from 6pm-8pm,still I no gree o.I was fighting my brothers both physically and verbally on the steady.Trust me my dear,THEY WON'T STOP!! You have to fight for your freedom.Mine was so bad that my elder brother slapped me in school cuz of my then boyfriend,choi!! I show am craze o.We fought and though he beat me real good,I made sure I designed his body with my nails. My mom locked me out severally and asked me to go back to where I was coming from.This was around 9pm o.I didn't even bother,I just called my friends to come pick me up.Now whenever I'm in my family house and stay out late,she just calls and calmly asks me to please consider my safety and her peace of mind and try to come back early.Pupsi don ture for my matter now sef.He doesn't talk to me anymore.My brothers have calmed down now,and they even encourage me to spend thw night wherever it is I am,instead of coming back late.I was always the prayer point o.Mumsi kept reporting me to God and asking God to take away the "wakabout' spirit in me...lmao.I would always shout the loudest amen to such prayer and she knew I was mocking her.So babe,fight for your freedom cuz these parents never stop.

      Delete
  4. If you can afford a place, go and rent.
    He would be pissed for a while but would have to live with it.
    You have to buy your freedom back by force.
    Most parents are that way and it's a good thing but there is an end to everything.
    You have to start speaking out not rudely but in a way that would show that you're old enough to be responsible for yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Speak for yourself. No need for closing mouth oh. Ya an adult

      Delete
    2. Their are some parents that have this mentality of wanting to have the last say, their children do not have brain to espress their mind, no right no matter how little, those, I have as parents and live with.

      Delete
  5. Well, I dunno what to tell u. It's not good to cage adults. If u no get mind to rebel, don't do it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nne biko free urself from the shackles of Ur parents.
    Enjoy ur life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear, read my lips. MOVE OUT. ...they won't change don't bother discussing with them. Start by going out for the week end, and don't return.spend 2 nights outside. While u are at it,;text them you are not coming home. That you want to spend the week end with your friend. Don't explain further. No matter how much they talk or scream, ur message has already bn passed. Don't talk back.. repeat that drama every other week end, trust me. They will leave your case for good.

      Delete
  7. Thank God todays chronicle is not about abusive hubby/ boy friend, for once lets read something different.
    Poster u are old enough to live on ur own, go get a house and free ursef from this bondage.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hian!...
    In this time and age?...
    I can't even cage my children like this when they finish high school...for what now??...
    Poster,you better run away from that prison..
    How much is a room self contained sef?...you and your sister should contribute and pack out!...
    Inukwa akuko!...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Heheheh this story reminds me of my upbringing too..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! This is just a typical description of me! I've vowed never to cage my kids the way my parents did. It most times has a negative impact on kids. Till now, I don't have ONE 'friend' and I'm so much on the side of an introvert.

      Delete
  10. Shantelle loves Tuscany7 February 2016 at 15:09

    Poster get a place of your own. Haba! Must you stay with your parents? Which kind frustration in the name of protection be that?msxcheeew!

    SHantelle

    ReplyDelete
  11. Stella, you've said it all. My dad was like that too. God bless his soul. I think being cooped up also affects your choice of husband, cause you don't have much experience with guys. I pray you don't end up with the wrong one. And please don't marry out of desperation. You're still young. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same kind of upbringing I had....my dad was worse off been an air force man! Come see beating and headbooting!!! Only allow to go to sch, church and back home, cant even sit outside the house for fresh air! But been the 1st girl after 4boys my own rebellion was out of dis world! I eventually left home after secondary sch.....but I thank God for the upbringing, helped me thru life to be discipled even wen nobody is der to cation . But like mamacita said......May affect the kind of man you will meet eventually....just find a way to resolve it without been rude to them....good luck!

      Delete
    2. Exactly! My elder ones call me to ask for marriage advice. I go just dey laugh say me wey never marry. No experience whatsoever. But I blame them? They literally just married their first loves and left home to be able to free themselves from the 'military'. Chai! Hahaha. My coup sha worked. Now my younger ones are enjoying the fruits of all my 'labour'

      Delete
  12. Shuu, onanekwoor. My dear poster, d only feasible plan is indeed to rebel and when they should protest ask them how you're supposed to bring home a husband if u don't date/court the person which can only happen by spending time with them. Which kind tin be dis naa?. U seriously have to break outta d norm o otherwise guys do St run from u oo. May God give u wisdom and courage.

    Sherry's Daughter

    ReplyDelete
  13. Madam poster, u don't have liver. Be rebellious. That's the only way u can overcome your parents. That was the way I won my parents over this 'caging' issue. Dare them, go out and come back the next day and pretend as if u don't care. If they give too much trouble, get a place of ur own. U won't win with this goody goody life style o. Neither will u get a husband

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She doesnt want to break the goody two shoes attitude so she endured and swallowed all this while till now this one is too bitter to force down, she wants to speak out. Oya madam you have finally recieved sense, better use it well now before you enter one chance marriage with church brother becos of frustration and send another chronicle later.

      Delete
    2. And hope u have gotten a husband

      Delete
    3. I swallowed everything until I was pushed to the wall and rebelled. One thing is , children who grow in such situation as this poster tend to turn out as their parents except they are very careful(be on the watchout)on their behaviour especially their temper.You wouldn't know until they themselves point it out to you.I have to personally accept (that i am having same attributes as my mom)for me to start working on it and I am still working on me.One thing I know is before I get married I will have to do a lot of mixing and going places (that's the reset I need).

      Delete
  14. Aunt Stella has said it all. I don't know what advice to give because my parents were never like that, they always give us our freedom and told us not to misuse it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahahahaha...
      There is nothing I won't see on this blog!...
      See advert!...
      Choi!..
      This advert dikwa tight!...

      Delete
  16. Its 4 ur own gud though u r an adult.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Aunt Stella has said it all. I don't know what advice to give because my parents were never like that, they always give us our freedom and told us not to misuse it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hmmm story of my life. I grew up with my dad n step-mum so u can imagine, but I still find a way to socialize and hang out but I dare not sleep out, but as soon as I entered uni I gain my freedom.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Eya better pickin

    226 comment 2016

    ReplyDelete
  20. My dear you ve to fight back because when I was growing up, it was like that for me and my siblings. When it was dawn on my parents that husband nor dey fly meet person for inside house that was when we were free but I wouldn't say it was already late as pal husband matter because anything place in God's hands is never too late. So my advice to you take the bull by the horn now that age is still very much on ur side. When you've got a serious boo, he will definitely wants you spending the night sometimes in his place, what are you gonna do by then? So think about it. Am seriously regretting mine, so many serious persons then but due to parental bondage I lost all of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is NO "DEFINITELY"
      About spending the night in man's house
      Don't rebel and recklessly jump into irreparable mistakes
      Every thing in moderation

      Delete
    2. There is DEFINTELY in spending nights in the place of a man whom you want to marry my dear. And you don't have to have sex. Just spend much time in order to study him. Simple. Everything in moderation yes, but renew your mind too.

      Delete
  21. same thing happened to me, but one day I have to open up and talk to me. let them understand you are not a baby any more, a beg make them pack well.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The ball is in your court...my parent was like that too always controlling my life until i met a guy that processed a visa for me to be here in uk. I called them after like 2 months so that they wont start going to pastors to ask for my whereabout. My was extreme they dont even know the real names of my kids....I WANT THAT CONTROL TO STOP ON ME,DONT WANT ANY CONTROL CARRY OVER ON MY CHILDREN. Best of luck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U won't know d name of ur grandkids too

      Delete
    2. Sounds like me...my mom tore my passport because she didn't want me to study abroad lol
      I'm married now with two biracial kids and earning good pay..
      Choose not to let them (my parents ) around my kids
      They don't even I'm married

      Delete
    3. Sounds like me...my mom tore my passport because she didn't want me to study abroad lol
      I'm married now with two biracial kids and earning good pay..
      Choose not to let them (my parents ) around my kids
      They don't even I'm married

      Delete
    4. @ annoy. .....16:24 who are you to judge? Anyways back to sender, just come back from winners chapel in dartford with my beautiful kids.. Go and eat dust.

      Delete
    5. For real??
      Reconcile with your

      Delete
  23. Some parents can be so mean. Poster ask ur parents whether it is at home u will find the so called husband? Abi husband will fall from heaven?

    Sit them down and let them know u they the ones hindering u from getting suitors.

    ReplyDelete
  24. You need to sit your mummy down. Have a mother and daughter talk with her, make her realise for her prayer to be answered they need to free you like a bird. Locking you up is not what make you a good Christian but what is impacted in to you has child of God when growing up. Your mother can make a change if she can understand you and if not get a friend you can pay rent together and still be a good girl.

    ReplyDelete
  25. @poster, Stella has said it all. Please heed to her advice.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I completely agree with stella, same thing happens in my house but pops is a little bit mild but mumsy na FIRE bdat, our own sef anything after 6pm u r on ur own and we are even guys not ladies, I think sometimes you gaz show them another side not too much o b4 them commot their hands from your matter , like me , when I was going to the university I told them now as I will be free anything them see make them no complain cz they caused it . So I believe Stella's advise is alright. All the best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'anything dey see dey shudnt complain' my brother, na urself u do,not them.

      Delete
  27. Lmao.

    I can also relate, though I didn't have strength to fight them,and never got into any trouble with them about going out, till my final year in uni, but I did it in a subtle way. And already, I was used to staying indoors. Still am.

    It made me so anti social, to the extent that throughout uni, I could count on two fingers, how many celebrations and inductions I ever went for.
    Made just a couple of friends as a result, but that's good enough for me. Less drama and backstabbing.
    Didn't make me shy though. Guess the craze is innate..lol.

    Don't just go at them guns blazing ,though if you were a guy, I would have advised that.

    My brother just up and started going out and spending hours. They were the ones who got tired of talking.
    Start it like a joke.
    Go out one Sunday, and make sure to come back very early. Your parents will be very pissed, they'll shout.
    Just apologise to them, don't act guilty.

    Do it a couple of times, then one day, come back in the evening.

    You dad go craze. Apologise again.

    The next time, come back at night, maybe around 7ish. By then, he'll be getting tired of talking. Apologise again.

    The next time, go out and come back early. They'll welcome you and ask if you've eaten..lol.

    Nobody will stop you from going out again after that.

    The funny thing with restricting one's children like this, is that, most of them, when they experience a little freedom, tend to make terrible mistakes. Or become underachievers when they live the nest, because they're not used to being independent. I guess I got lucky or it was grace.
    Why don't you teach them right from wrong, and give them room to fly?

    I ain't caging no child of mine as an adult abeg.

    #WhiteDiamondOut

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anytime I read ur comments, I always laugh because we kinda have Sooooooooo much similarity in thinking. This comment of yours confirms it. Thumbs up dear

      Delete
    2. Really?

      Interesting!

      You're welcome, hun. :D

      #WhiteDiamondOut

      Delete
    3. Very well said esp about when they get a little freedom.
      WATCH out on the your attitude those, even if we don't appreciate our parents' way of upbringing, we tend to be exactly like them not always though.

      Delete
  28. Hmmm that is how our parents r oo..u dont dare socialize wit guys but out of d blue they wil start asking where is your husband

    ReplyDelete
  29. I have been in your shoes before.
    So this is how I solved mine, when my mum started asking me for husband seriously, I told her she knows that they can't come nd meet me inside the house as I am always indoors and that was it.

    It's just that m already used to being indoors and coming back home early so even when I try to chill out, m still home early.

    My suggestion is for u to change ur church to a youth church so as to meet eligible people.
    Then if your job isn't too demanding, try to find time during work hours to hang out with who u want to.

    Then when u r certain u ve found the one, bring him home. It wld give u a sense of freedom.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Why not stage a kidnapp? Lol and enjoy for at least 3 weeks! It's well Naija parents can like to form what I don't know... The rate of bad things here will make you shudder... And I found out today sister Jane is fucking our pastor! You need to see the beating sister Jane received from pastors wife lol epic disgrace!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Same thing here oh, I am planning my exit soon fuck whatever they wanna say.. U ain't a kid no more, I don't know why most parents act like that but it is not fair . When ever my mum talks about marriage I tell her to go and find the husband for me since I am nt allowed to mix up. It's really annoying I swear

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remember the first time my bro went to the cinema I th friends.. church friends o.. he came back to talks of smoking and stuff as if na club he go..

      Na me rebel pass for my house.. that is minus all my coded waka o. Lol.

      Anyway it has made me an indoor person, I have nt seen my pals who are in this same Lagos for years now... in fact where we live does not help matters

      Delete
  32. My own dad used to be that way too, but we as siblings ganged up against them. If he locked any of us out he won't see us for weeks and he would be looking for us like mad, at the end we agreed to a compromise. So dear if u and ur siblings can team up and fight him, it would be a better option.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hmmm... I wish I can type my story.

    Rebellion helped me. That seemed like the only way out.

    Mumcy couldn't believe her eyes.

    I understanding how suffocating it is dear.

    I have these friends (sisters). Their dad is a pastor... imagine when ur dad is a senior pastor plus his attitude towards life... that was/is their story. What did they do? Marriage was the escape route. Were they got the men, I don't know, but as I'm talking to you, two are married (before 24) and the younger one is planning a shocker.

    What should you do? ACT. Nothing can change your parents mentality(till maybe when your 40). If you're the first daughter... plele!Na we dey suffer am pass.

    My neighbour in Minna had the same issue. She's 33. No exposure, no experience, no husband. it was her case that made me go home and FIGHT. Her youngest sister "rebelliously" broke the chain and got married.

    So think and make a decision. And don't forget to PRAY!

    Ehen!

    If there are respected Elders that has a different view to life from your parents, you can talk to them to help you talk to your parents. Pledge not to disgrace them. I guess they are afraid.

    *i hope I've not done an epistle*
    Goodluck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha@hope I have not done an epistle.

      Poster could use your epistle right now.

      Delete
    2. Na wa o...I have read comments and almost 80% BVN has encountered the same upbringing .My question is, where do all these 'bad bad' bvn come from if they have this sheltered life......still read comments,so, I am not alone.

      Delete
  34. my dear ours is worst...we can't even play wt our mum cos she will consider it insult, I can sit wit my mum in the car for 3hrs n we no go gist,if u defend ursef she will say u r challenging her n that is how u will disgrace her one day in ur husband's house, u r not suppose to talk wen ur husband is talking it leads to divorce, d only way my dear is prayer n fight ur way out o...cos parents can bring down ur self-esteem n to dem dey r doing d right tin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My mom is your mom....na real wa.the mentality they used to bring us up is the same they used to marry.it is very disturbing esp when you are trying to make them see your point of view.they think you don't have a say, you can't even be human because if you ever get angry , you are disrespectful .....na side on look be the answer

      Delete
  35. I could relate to this, my dad was so strict that once there's a knock at the door, we the girls would 'start panicking in our rooms, scared it might be a stubborn guy who decided to climb upstairs to see us.. this whole thing cost my sister her marriage, because of the fear and bondage at home, she rushed into marriage to be free and rushed out. This is a sad reality happening in our society, I made lots of mistakes because of this, idnt want to even recount the experiences. I remember one day I was walking alongside a boy and idnt know my dad was coming infront, my sister was sayin daddy is coming! daddy is coming!, before I could say jack robinson, my daddy of life was in front of me( this my papa de waka fast and that's y I walk fast too and almost leave my friends lol), shuoo oghene!!.. my dad did not even ask who d boy was, he gave him a thunderous slap and d guy fled for his life(my dad is tall and the guy kukuma short, I ran for my dear life to my grandmother's house cos I was scared, that period a distant cousin of mine was pregnant for a guy who was denying pregnancy, so my dad was d one settling d matter, so u can imagine.... honestly this form of protecting kids doesnt work at all cos parents would be surprised what this kids do in secret wen they are free or go to university, they run into different kinds of problems and their parents would think they have done a lovely job training them and locking them at home, and of course the child wont confide in them, my dear poster, find someone close to them to talk to them, start with that, abi dem de pluck husband from tree? all these our parents sef! smh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ( this my papa de waka fast and that's y I walk fast too and almost leave my friends lol).... lmao

      Delete
    2. I am laughing with tears in my ears from reading this. Jeez! Im holding my tummy

      Delete
    3. Huge dad and small boy. And the boy fled. Hahahaha

      Delete
  36. Like Stella said...rebellion in university saved me...it cost me oh but it saved me

    ReplyDelete
  37. My dear calm down whats ur own wahala sef, your parents are not the cause of your inability to socialize completely. Yes, They started it but you also refused to break the bounds even after you started higher institution so dont blame them totally.
    You are complaining about a curfew of 9pm, my dear I never even saw what the town I grew up in looked like when the street light came on. My curfew till I moved out was 6pm as well as my older ones. My father had a saying which went thus, "as long as you are under my roof you live by my rules" His rules alright but when in uni my dear we broke bounds and mellowed during holidays.
    Nothing extreme but we never let the ropes bind us from exploring and after school we sought for ways to leave home, taking jobs outside the state and fighting tooth n nail to keep it which meant enduring the worst just to break the bounds and gain some semblance of knowing and grooming our own personality.
    Did I mention I got a job 4 states away and had no place to stay when I started work. I had the money to rent a place but I was a new fish in town I had to be cautious. I looked up a friend I met during service and slept on her rug till I found a place cos she had a roommate and the bed could only acvomodate two.
    You dont want to suffer that's why you stayed in the comfort zone and now its stiffling, you suddenly woke up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you jare, she went to school and finished and got a job and still stayed at home even when it was cramping her style. If not that they are on her neck to find a husband, which she knows is not forthcoming because of the solitary lifestyle she leads, I dont think she would be complaining at all.
      My dear dare to take your own matter into your hand, break away from the comfort zone.

      Delete
    2. Don't I just love you? My kind of girl. Get your hands dirty and achieve your goals

      Delete
  38. *Mouth open* story of my life. R u sure we're not twins?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Some parnents can be very annoying...the best way is to fight back ooo if u continue keeping calm they will control not just your life but your marriage and if possible your kids. Please dnt be like your parents when you eventually marry and bear children because the tendency of you and your siblings bringing up your kids the same way your parents did is very high. The Lord is your muscle

    ReplyDelete
  40. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I experienced this same thing, but mine wasn't as bad as yours.


    Y not rent a place n stay on your own.......make up your mind.


    Stand your ground no matter what!
    Don't let them turn you into a potential gwemz!.....even if it means dis_obeying them 4 once

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I rebel and even do worse codedly..

      When I got a job and wanted to move.. that's when momc started saying they will be staying with me during weekdays because our house and the stress is much...
      I kukuma no rent again.

      I still do my thing under WORK shaa

      Delete
  42. It was like that for me oh first child palaver, I broke that chain for my siblings but na me suffer pass chia.

    Both mum n dad . I was very quiet. Until one day I decided to start to rebel. It wasn't easy oh.

    After some years the rest became history.



    ReplyDelete
  43. Poster, I can relate wt ur situation cos I experienced same from my mum...dad died when I was barely ten...and d onus of our upbringing laid solely on my mum...and she was a strict, no nonsense disciplinarian, our only outing was church...u can't visit even next door friends...and when the friends come to visit she will observe ur company in silence...and when d person leaves she wl tell u d person is not ur level as per tear eye levels...and will warn to stop d friendship...it wasn't easy st all. all thru secondary school and even university...female friends she no.wan hear not to talk of male...one day I was unfortunate to have her receive a letter from a boy that was toasting me...I saw hell as she woke me up in d middle of d night, showed me d letter and flogged d hell outta me...all thru uni she wouldn't let me live in hostel, even in my final year when I was given a school scholarship plus free accommodation in a new comfortable hostel wt just two persons per room, my mama no gree...I had to bear it all cos she was my sole financier, and I wasn't lucky to meet a.financially OK man, so I tolerated, curfew was 6 PM, up till 7pm hour of grace...one minute after 7pm ur load wl be waiting for u outside...while my mates were partying and.clubbimg after school, I cld neva imagine nor try such but I was dating and explained my situation to my bf, surprisingly he complied and always ensured I return early to avoid problems...for my mama mind I be virgin...she no knw say I don spoil small.sha...then one day i.didnt go for lectures cos i.was ill, no gsm that time, so my bf was worried sick, he kept on checking my class thru out d day and in d evening he decided to come to my house...unluckily for him he met my mum outside cooking and he said the look on her face made him lose his composure and he lied that he is my classmate, he didn't see me in school and there was an urgent assignment to be submitted d next day, she looked at him sternly and told him it was a lie, Na so d guy turn back go...when we eventually saw he told me that he has just confirmed how strict my mum is...but while i.disliked.my mum's behaviour, dis guy was loving me the more cos of my mum's attitude...he graduated and left town but he said he had so much trust and confidence in me and my mum's ability to keep me in check and not allow me mess up

    Finally I graduated, went for service and told mama I won't come back to her house...and she jokingly said Amen, that I shd marry after or during.service and I was like to who? cos I dey pretend no bf for her...and she said i.shd not worry that her God wl give me a husband...true true, my bf gave me a ring and proposed during my service year, and we got married after service. Na so.i.take escape o...lol. but looking back now, I love my mother dieeeeee....God bless her soul. am enjoying my marriage seriously 10 yrs after...and my husband wl be boasting to his siblings how his wife never spent a night wt him while dating, d thing dey make my head swell...and oh! how he respects her, even in death!

    Poster bear it, and pray to God, u wl look back n smile one.day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai your story is very interesting and inspiring. Despite the fact that my mum was and she's still strict now, I am very grateful to God for her and her Margaret Thatcher phenomenon

      Delete
    2. Kai your story is very interesting and inspiring. Despite the fact that my mum was and she's still strict now, I am very grateful to God for her and her Margaret Thatcher phenomenon

      Delete
    3. Kai your story is very interesting and inspiring. Despite the fact that my mum was and she's still strict now, I am very grateful to God for her and her Margaret Thatcher phenomenon

      Delete
    4. Waoow, u just gave me hope, cos when i told my friend the challenges I face at my mum's shop after work, he always encourage me, even when I feel like not going, At time he feels like speaking to my mum through phone just to be sure that am with my family after work cos we are in different country.

      Delete
  44. Most parent don't jst know they r doing the right thing the wrong way.. They can't always be right.. my dear u need to break that bondage ooo.. make e no come affect u in a physiological manner in the long run. I knw of pple dat r living in bondage. They dnt have self confidence in themselves.. my frnd dat suffers d same fate with u.. when we were still teens and I was advising her.. her parents felt I was a bad influence. She entered uni and started doing runs cos she wanted to live the life her parents were preventing her from living.. but she went abt it the wrong way..she wanted freedom by all means and since she wasn't allowed to mingle with guys as a teen, Sh entered uni and started lesbianism and gave her virginity to an old man for money... she has refused to finish university since 2010.. simply becos she doesn't want to return hometo her parents.. it's crazy. Give ur children freedom.. parents don't understand dat. Pls u need to talk to ur mum..let her understand ur pain as a mother.. then she can talk to her husband on ur behalf.. but sister u r old enough.. if u find a way.. Plss move out of the house and get a life..

    ReplyDelete
  45. It has taken back memory lane too and actually affected me also. I hardly keep friends and I dont socialize till date. You can't leave under their control all your life, you have to rebel but make sure your rebellion comes out with good things like travelling out, having a well to do fiancé or you yourself living alone and ready to fend for yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  46. @poster your parent try small to allow you go out and cone back 9pm, my mother wont allow you go out except on sundays and dat will b like 2 sundays in a month and you go out by 2 and she will expect you to come back before 5, I cant bring female friends not to talk of male friends,i cant even pick call in my mum present, shyness wont let me...d very day I stayed extra 1hr after work I heard the insult of my life...it has gotten to the extent that sucide is now the only option for me..my dad isnt harsh but if my dad shud talk she will insult him like say tomorrow no dey, If my friends come around she go do some kind tin wey b say you no need make she talk but her body sign dem go just comot nd wont even look back again, but my siblings can go and bring friends into the house, to marry sef dey fear me

    ReplyDelete
  47. @poster your parent try small to allow you go out and cone back 9pm, my mother wont allow you go out except on sundays and dat will b like 2 sundays in a month and you go out by 2 and she will expect you to come back before 5, I cant bring female friends not to talk of male friends,i cant even pick call in my mum present, shyness wont let me...d very day I stayed extra 1hr after work I heard the insult of my life...it has gotten to the extent that sucide is now the only option for me..my dad isnt harsh but if my dad shud talk she will insult him like say tomorrow no dey, If my friends come around she go do some kind tin wey b say you no need make she talk but her body sign dem go just comot nd wont even look back again, but my siblings can go and bring friends into the house, to marry sef dey fear me. I started wearing trouser after my convocation and i did by force

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please don't kill yourself dear, God will see you through,don't ever take your life, all is well, there will always be a way.xxx

      Delete
  48. Not as a profession?? i hope no married woman ever need ur dirty services.

    ReplyDelete
  49. I've always been against parents living the lives of their children for them after living theirs!! It's crazy! Don't get me wrong, at a certain age they are allowed to direct and instruct their kids but after a certain age they should let the child live hs or her own life. When you're an adult and you're not allowed to express yourself, make your mistakes and correct yourself, you become perpetually immature! It affects your self confidence. You feel you're inadequate, you feel you don't know enough to be able to do things. And it makes you timid! You're 26, many of your mates are married and are living their lives and taking critical decisions on their own. I feel this is the point you need to stand up to them, not violently but maturely! Sit them down, talk to them, like an adult. Make them realize the emotional Aand psychological effect of what they are doing! Even if it means moving out of the house just to prove your point, I'm sure you have friends you can put up with. But you just have to prove that point to your parents! Cos the truth is we live in a world where if you're not mentally equipped to face life you'll be swept away! (survival of the fittest) and the fact is in the end your parents will grow old and die and you'll be left alone to face life (which you're not mentally and emotionally equipped for) cos you've been living under their shadow! That's my stand!!!

    ReplyDelete
  50. My Dad was actually worse.
    He became stalkish infact..hahaha
    You would turn and see him standing at the gate staring down the street while you run errands.

    When I was in secondary,my close friend's brother was crushing on me.
    He would drop lovely cards and all,very responsible boy then ooh, all "bookish" n all. But he was scared of my Daddy..all the boys were.

    One day,he came with a goodbye card,he was giving up on asking me out,says he saw my daddy in his dream chasing him with a matchet...kikikiki
    I have never forgotten that incident. Hehehehehe

    Mr A was a terror to all those boys that were lurking around.

    Poster,after I read the crazy things we have done in the name of love,i realised why our parents go to the extreme to "cage" us. I wouldn't want my own daughter falling prey to mischievous boys.

    I believe you are a decent girl and can still remember your Christian upbringing even when you leave home, please get your own place.

    My folks wanted me to serve in the same state I grew up in,even suggested they pay me. But God pass them. I moved out when I was even way younger than you and they never regretted letting me go.
    Goodluck!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Better pikins. Oya make una go get face me I slap u house and lets see how it will go. My papa no allow me go party that is why I no sabi dance

    ReplyDelete
  52. What your parents are doing is a very bad thing,don't get me wrong people,it's good to look out for your children and make sure they go in the right path,but there comes a stage when you have to set them free to get expose how learn the lesson of life, it's not only school education that is important, there is school of life as well.your parent will only ruin your life this way,in the era that we are that people are so cruel mean and wicked, this age and stage that men are so calous,selfish and easily take women for granted.,yet your parents has not allowed you to learn how to deal with life when it happens, untop all that them wan make you get married,tell your father to do arranged marriage for you since they won't give you the chance to find yourself a man....my parents were like yours while I was growing up but I rebelled and set myself free from them.my sister couldn't,my sister ended up marrying one of our parents friend son,she's happily married though but my sister still acts like a baby,I look at her sometimes,after 5children she doesn't still know nothing, she be like amateur, a learner.she's very intelligent but not clever,she acts dumb in some situations and it can be annoying that I do abuse her and I blame our parents for keeping her indoors while growing,it's like she didn't grow up at all,ajé butter things dey vex me too much.

    ReplyDelete
  53. it's difficult breaking the rule but you have to do it one day. sit your mum down and talk to her. they've liv their life it's time to live yours. I did the rebellion thing. moved in with my boyfriend for a week. my dad found out and was mad as a hatter. shouted over the phone and that was it. now he let my sisters to live on their own. he can't give himself high blood pressure

    ReplyDelete
  54. My parents are like that,until I "shira"fought out with them ,yelled and left home for 1week,they called me back themselves.you need to take action since they don't wanna be nice

    ReplyDelete
  55. They mean well for you; just that they are over doing it
    Every parent should know that over protective is wrong

    Give your children space....even the Bible says in Ecclesiastes that there is time for everything
    My dear you've grown enough to differenciate right from wrong....tell your parent that.
    Just be patient to God,he will give you a befitting job,the type that will pay all your bills, To enable you vacate from your parents house and live your life as you wish
    Please make sure you are decent and responsible so that your own husband will locate you even without hanging out and dating stuf

    PEACE

    ReplyDelete
  56. I totally understand you, you can even stay till 9 ni? In my house you dare not stay till 6 outside and even if you leave ordinary day, my dad will be. ....(My native name) WHERE ARE YOU? What are you doing outside, you will be like you went to a friends ous and they will be come back and cook this for me (I cooked or, but he wants another thing) my friends knows nao, when my phone ring they l be like is it ur dad or mum lol and it end up being one of them, am yet to rebel as I don't know how to and my dad can talk u out for africa, am just praying for God to help me let me get a job and get money to move out, that way, everyone will be happy lol, may God help and guide u nne xxx

    ReplyDelete
  57. Ur parents are overprotective, they year no harm but u need your freedom so na to rebel o, cut chain lol

    ReplyDelete
  58. Tell your parents that if at 26, if they cannot trust that the values which they have put in you will set you aright, then they have failed as parents, and it is not by caging you at home. If they are afraid of you getting pregnant or starting runs or whatever it is even after you graduated from the university without issues, then once again, they have failed woefully as parents. I hope one man with useless intentions doesn't come and deceive you under the guise of getting married, without you even knowing much about him.

    If you have older siblings who work and are not entirely dependent on your parents, you guys should gather money and go and rent somewhere far away from them. If you are the first, you need to do that for your younger ones sake. That doesn't mean that when you get the freedom, you get overwhelmed by it.

    Too bad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Tell your parents that if at 26, if they cannot trust that the values which they have put in you will set you aright, then they have failed as parents, "

      God bless you for this,same thing I say.
      I have not even finished your comment because this is exactly what I tell my mom.

      Delete
  59. Tell your parents that if at 26, if they cannot trust that the values which they have put in you will set you aright, then they have failed as parents, and it is not by caging you at home. If they are afraid of you getting pregnant or starting runs or whatever it is even after you graduated from the university without issues, then once again, they have failed woefully as parents. I hope one man with useless intentions doesn't come and deceive you under the guise of getting married, without you even knowing much about him.

    If you have older siblings who work and are not entirely dependent on your parents, you guys should gather money and go and rent somewhere far away from them. If you are the first, you need to do that for your younger ones sake. That doesn't mean that when you get the freedom, you get overwhelmed by it.

    Too bad!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Typical nigerian parents they will cage u after secondary school, and after uni & nysc wen u re bk home they will still want to cage u & control u more. Then finally they will be disturbing u to get married as if husband will fall frm sky.....

    ReplyDelete
  61. I'm a parent and I feel so sad reading all this. Do we truthfully make our children this unhappy? I am guilty of this posters complaint. My children are all above 21. I do the same to my children. The truth is I do it out of a deep seated fear. When they stay out late all I see and think about is kidnappers, road accidents and night marauders. I worry for their safety a lot. If we were in a safer country ,my husband and I probably wouldn't worry so much. We lived for a while in other countries and didn't feel the kind of fear we feel in Nigeria here. I'm reading all these comments and I am learning the other side of the coin. But I'm not really going to change. I might temper it down a bit but im not going to throw my kids to the hawks. Never. I trust my mother instinct that I am doing the right thing. Most times we bring up our children the same way we were brought up. We ended up getting married. In spite of our parents harsh upbringing. And so will our children. They will get married Regardless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mummy times have changed. Please cool down for the kids. Ease off on them abit. Remember it's God that protects. Just commit them into His hands. Children have left Nigeria to safer environments abroad and never returned. Just take it easy. Be firm but let them enjoy their youth. God will give you wisdom. Amen

      Delete
    2. Runs girl hahaha!!! chikito is it you mummy will listen to???

      Mummy but she is right. Forget the name. You can be in the house and rapists will break in. You can't protect them totally.

      Train them well and let them be but with guidance. They ll flourish.

      Locking up brings up a rebellious spirit that leads them into much much worse.
      They now actively go seeking for the trouble you were protecting them from initially.

      May God strengthen you.

      Delete
    3. oh-G hope you're not among the people who are affected by my name? You can have two shots of Alomo for that

      Delete
  62. My GOD. Are you sure we are not lost sisters? I'm 25 and my parents (both mum and dad are exactly like yours and worsttt) i'm serving now - once I get a job and pay my rent i'm moving out.

    ReplyDelete
  63. My story! your parents are even more liberal than mine the only place I am ever allowed to go to is church i couldn't even relate with my cousins while growing up because my parents thought they were a bad influence
    I remember the first time i went for a birthday party of a church member(a girl) and i failed to get home before 7:pm you should seen the way my parents flogged the living lights out of me mind you i was 16 at this time, the way my parents value virginity you will think it is the holy grail, I had to stay in the hostel throughout uni and when i got a toilet infection from shared toilets my father said it was the bad things i was doing that made me get it. I have to tie my hair and wear no make up when i go to church "to maintain the family image" My mother said that i dont need to look for a husband that a good husband will find me by recommendation lol. I have no friends, I'm socially awkward and inept. I was shipped off to an all girls boarding school at 8 because my parents felt a mixed school will be a bad influence. I resent my parents so much because they robbed me of my true identity, I dont even know who I am.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Dear poster, pls don't pack out of the house, so u don't provoke them to curse u. They think what they are doing is to protect you but they don't know they is a limit to what they can do,its only God that can protect absolutely.
    My advice is you talk to your mum to make her see reason that u can not be cage and expect u to bring husband. It's not done. Go out and come back late once in a while, let them know you are not a kid anymore, let friends male and female come to visit u at home often.
    Go to friends party and office party invited or not, learn to be independent of them
    Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *yinmu...
      Those curses wey no dey work!..
      My mum cursed me tire and nothing happend...

      Delete
  65. The story of my family like 6 year back.

    ReplyDelete
  66. lool...it feels good finally to know dat i am not alone in this 'misery', u guys have made my day already. am guessing i should adjust now that i am 23 b4 it gets any worse...i am in dire need of friends, in lagos and i need a man that can tolerate the amount of discipline my parents successfully instilled in me. Sure im fun to be with around d few friends and colleagues i am with.
    Pls add me up on 5C08a678



    For the record i know narratives are not supposed to make one feel happy but i'ld gladly take an exception from dis one.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Dear poster very simple ,tell them you are going to moutain to seek the face of God .my days in the uni my friend was from a deeper life home ,simple she will just wear mary amaka skirt and tell them she is going to the deeper life camp in ayobo that was her breakthrough,comes home stay two days and go back to camp ,she can form born again for africa but na she be baddooo.

    ReplyDelete
  68. END'S TIME DENIAL

    There is time for everything. I think they will learn to free you when they feel you are secured to be left alone. Nothing to be worried about, everything is all about negotiation, talk to them, and always tell them or call them in advance in case you have any reason to stay out late that the speculated time. simple.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Oh well, there are perspectives to it. The good, the bad and the annoying. Lol. Am a guy and I remember having to put up with these while much younger and still at home. Whenever we heard my dad's car at the gate, you were automatically on your own if you don't make for the children's room. Abi is it the flogging, which used to be private, in his room until he was done with you. There is the upside though as I still don't do alcohol, stay out late or get violent albeit am 100 percent on my own. The downside though is, making friends seems to be waec. Lol. But it's balance, I think. Just don't be a rebel like most have advised. Pray for a relationship and make friends with people who understand and really, it's solely a matter of time. Here is my email. encodeelm@yahoo.com. Pls buzz me. We could be friends

    ReplyDelete
  70. Even if you succeeded in going out, choose yr friends wisely and still put God first because lots of people were able to break away from such and uptill today no husband. So becareful and also talk to them abt you getting old and no husband.

    My cousin n I lived with an aunty n it wasn't easy. She was senior n no boyfriend because we don't go out, one day I told her that is it when we grow old that boyfriends will com? The maltreatment was something else and when we traveled to d villa one December she refused to come back and today, she's happily married with kids.
    Caging has to be limited.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Okay o. Plenty advice already.

    I was going through this before I went to uni. When I came back I was shocked that my parents wanted to start again. So I hustled and got a job in another state. Cane back again after one year, omo they started again.
    I said no way I'm not running. I will have my freedom. But I did it gradually.
    My curfew was 6pm during the week and weekends in doors except market saloon and church. Each carefully monitored. In fact with car and driver to each place.
    I first took driving lesson and started practicing with the driver. When I had learnt enough I told them the driver watches porn on his phone and tried to show me. Omo! They sacked him with immediate effect and since I could drive I suggested I continue driving myself in the mean time "before they get another" story!!! Lol

    Then I started by coming 10 mins late, then 30mins, then one hour. My dad will shout everyday I'll say sorry.

    Extended it again so many times he stopped shouting.

    One weekend I went to my friends place and sent text I'm staying over. They called and called. Said I'm lying. In the dead of the night I now sent the address and they came and saw me and friend innocent with her parents. They couldn't talk much. Vexed small and left. It was even embarrassing for them.

    So my friends house because excuse.

    To cut the long story short, I'm still in the process but I'm much freer than before! You have to be smart about it.

    Patience and consistency is the watch word my dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you made the poor driver lost his job... Issoryt

      Delete
  72. mine was similar but i had to find a way of making it back home before deadline,and because i could not afford to get a place of my own too,sis i had to comply all the way. and besides husband is not by hanging out because my DH only saw my picture in his cousins phone and fell for me all the way from PH to lag. story for another day. please in all try not to get your parents angry because no be talk am,na bible. 'so that ur days may be long' may God grant u ur heart desire.

    ReplyDelete

Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of StellaDimokoKorkus.com

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact Stelladimokokorkus.com and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact StellaDimokoKorkus.com Via

Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
Mobile Phone +4915210724141