SOMEBODY MAKE ME LAUGH....
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Sunday In House Gists...Freestyle
I wanna make today freestyle...There is N10K up for the best gist...
SOMEBODY MAKE ME LAUGH....
SOMEBODY MAKE ME LAUGH....
107 comments:
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I'm not the owner of this joke, but someone sent it to me and it's so funny.
ReplyDeleteOlumide grew up in Ogun state. He went to law school in London. After his studies he decided to
come back to Ogun, because he could be a big man in Ogun.
So he opened his new law office. The first day, he saw a man coming up to his office & decided to make a big impression. As the man came to the door; He pretended to be on d land-line phone & told d man to take a seat. Olumide said while on the phone: ___"No. Absolutely not! U tell those clowns in New York that I'm not traveling all d way that side to settle th case for less than a million bucks".
"Yes! The Appeal Court has agreed to hear d case next week. l will be handling the primary argument & the other members of my team will provide support.
"Okay. Alright....Give the State Prosecutor my regards and.......Olumide smiled" the visitor sat patiently as he rattled instructions. Finally, Olumide put down the telephone & said: "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man said: "I am from NITEL and I've come to connect your land phone because it is not working Sir. *rotfl*
Let's stay real!!!
*Larry was here*
Can we pls just share real stories, like d ones that happened to us or people we know personally. If I need jokes, I'd buy ay or basket month's cds.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteIts simple, den dont open d post Eka joy.
DeleteWhat is this????
DeleteJoy u r truly bad belle, what crime has he or she committed. I pity ur bf or hubby.
DeleteI moved into a new house 3 weeks ago. Being a new place they were supposed to call NEPA to come and draw light into the building but mama landlady used her local electrician. 7 days after I moved in I put on my generator at night and put it off at 10 pm because I was sure of light at 12 midnight. I waited till morning I no see light. I called the electrician to come and fix his mess before I call mama landlady. He said he's too busy he cannot come that day. I vex call mama say no light for my flat o, and her electrician said he will not come. Why didn't she use NEPA sef. She apologised and said she will call him. My neighbour who was not home the previous day came back and I told her there was no light all night. She said how come her freezer is chill. I say me sef no know. She said she cannot wait for electrician mek she call NEPA. When NEPA came they climbed pole, check all the connections leading to my flat all was well. I kept shouting that my voltage is low it is only my indicator bulb that is showing. The NEPA man said madam open your house, I did. Only for him to go and change me over from gen to Nepa. Shame wan kill me that day. So I forgot to change over the previous night.
DeleteWhen mama's electrician finally arrived he saw light and said why did I call him when I have light. I come lie say Nepa come sort out the rubbish connection they did. Nepa said they connected me wrongly and I'm very angry with them. Electrician apologised and left. I fool myself that day sha
I was in lagos for the weekend but due to my MSC program that I am running to ibadan I had to rush down yesterday evening to see my Supervisor tomorrow, so there was this guy on suit that came from Osogbo to do interview in lagos,Ibadan at ojota was carried at 800 naira but this guy didn't have any money only 1k on him so he begged the agberos that they should collect 800 so that the rest change can get him to osogbo,Na so we enter motor,he sat beside me. This guy come open the school bag he carry search all his bag for the money to pay he no find am.
DeleteAgbero come dey shout "I know say na format you use for us,na so students dey do,see as he dress like fine boy" He sat beside me at the last seat at the back,as he was searching the next sight shocked me,he was bringing out all his clothes,I see torn boxers,pata gigan (unwashed briefs for days)at the end he was able to gather 500 begged the agbero that he will settle the driver when he gets to ibadan with200.
We started moving, left lagos around 6pm. On the way he was calling his friends and family members to send him recharge card that he will sell it once we get to ibadan. They sent it, we go to ibadan by 8:30 it was late no one to buy card at iwo road. I felt for him cos the shred was too much. His girl called him on our way and he told her he entered a cab to osogbo straight,he was forming like a big boy telling the babe his car is faulty, I laughed and laughed
I couldn't watch the drama when we dropped cos time was running out.
Talk about guys with fake lives......
Shit! My battery is at 1%
ReplyDeleteNo NEPA since yesterday.
I would have made you laugh...
Jeez!
DeletePlease charge your battery fast.I am anxiously waiting for your story and giggling in anticipation,I swear cos whatever story you tell is guaranteed to be funny.
Babe they must bring the light because if you o
DeleteThis is should be so much fun.
ReplyDeleteHuh????
ReplyDeleteOK make I try my luck. So this pastor and his wife were going for the naming ceremony of a member of their church. The couple stay in a one room apartment and that was their 5th child. On their the wife told the pastor to talk to them after the ceremony that they should take it easy that tines are hard and that they shouldn't give birth again.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as they arrived there, the woman brought the child to come and greet the pastor and his wife, immediately the pastor's six year old son that went with the them started telling the the exactly what his parents discussed in the car. He said; han han aunty u have another child again? U and your husband don't know that times are hard? And u even stay in one room, where will all these children sleep? Anyway mummy said that daddy u should talk to u that u people should stop having children. The pastor and his wife just stood there dead, they couldn't say anything, another church member had to lead the opening prayer.
Lol
DeleteLmaooo
DeleteThat was funny mehnn.
DeleteAproko pikin loooool
DeleteRotfl so hard, children can koba somebody sha.
DeleteRotfl so hard, children can koba somebody sha.
DeleteLaugh stella,laugh!laugh!!laugh!!!
ReplyDeleteI once read a comment here "what is good for the jews is good for uganda"
DeleteIt never fails to crack me up.I laugh so hard when I recall it my sides ache and tears roll.
I dnt knw why I find something this silly funny.
Is it weird that I am the only one that laughs at very dry jokes?when I hear it,I imagine how elated the comedian prbly was when he made up the dry joke thinking everybody else would find it funny and I just start laughing at how disappointing it must be to find out he is the only one that finds his joke funny.
That platinum apportionment comment was crazy funny too
OK, let me share this gist my sister gisted us back when she was in secondary school.
ReplyDeleteThis was what happened. You know how secondary schools boarding houses have weird ghost and spirit stories, there was this day people from a different hostel was gisting them(my sister and her other classmates) what happened in their hostel. One girl said she woke up in the middle of the night and from her room, she started hearing 'I will bathe after u' severally from the bathroom. That's how they always sound in the mornings when taking turns to bathe. So without checking the time, she woke her other roommates up so they could quickly go take their bathe before the bathroom gets filled up. But on getting to d courtyard, there was stone dead silence. It was a very scary ish as they concluded it must have been spirits that were making those noise.
So the next night, my dear sister that gets spooked easily by these kinda stories woke up in the middle of the night and then she started hearing sounds similar to what she she had been gisted the previous day. See serious fear. At first she just closed her eyes down and totally refused to move, all the while praying that God should save her. But the noise didn't stop and seemed to be getting closer.
So with her eyes closed, she stood up from her down bunk and traced her way to her senior roommate who was sleeping on the top bunk directly over her and the other senior at the opposite top bunk. When they were awake, she told them wat she was hearing and they confirmed they were also hearing it. See serious fear. Then three of them started praying oh, like seriously prayer.
Very shortly after, from where they had been hearing the witchy witchy sound, they now heard 'in Jesus name we pray'
Immediately they heard this, they just burst into laughter. They had mistaken a group of Christian girls who usually came out in d middle of the night to pray against demons as witches.
Hope I didn't bore u.
You did!
DeleteMtcheeeeew
Dry!!!
DeleteHahahaahaahahaahhahahahahahaa
DeleteNow @Name Me Talk Am!!!! U are one big hater lools
Mine is a mixture of funny and embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteOne day o, I wanted to go out, so I took out my clothes and underwear, laid them out on the bed and took a shower. After I finished o.. I dressed up and left home feeling fly. It was a gown and jacket I wore..I was walking down to the bus-stop, all of a sudden I just felt a rush of air around my bum bum. Ahn ahn! I was shocked o, I looked around me, nothing was happening and then I got confused, only for me to touch my bumbum and see that my pant had cut in two and become a skirt.. I cudnt believe it, it's not like the pant was torn before, I just thanked God that the pant didn't fall from my bum bum, na so I waka Pantless dey go my house back o.. And I liked the pant so I still sewed it and continued wearing it till my bumbum finally grew bigger than the pant. When I told my sisters, they all died of laughter.. I am still thankful the pant didn't fall to the ground.
Now I am really rotfl. Lol this really cracked me up.
DeleteHahahahah..
DeleteChai! Been lmao and had to hold it together as it's quite early.. 1st Mummy duties!
DeleteWell..I had a similar experience...
DeleteThere was once we visited Cali for their carnivals ....dos days ehnn..I like to dey wear big pants n wen I see DAT dey wuldnt fit, I tie dem by d corner ! ..dats hw on dis particular day my mom sent I n my wicked family frnd on errand..immediately we left d gate not up to like 15 mins n on d main road , my lovly oversixe pant just dropped!....not even wid a warning! Na so i just removr leg 4rm d pant waka pass am sharpenly...meanwhile my wicked fam frnd still stood der laughing...omo never in my life av i bin embarassed lyk dat ! No 1tld mi to stop wearing ovrsixe!
This is not a gist but a rant. Nysc, enough of you na! Stop shifting the date of orientation upandan. I am tired of telling everyone on the street and in church that the date has been postponed AGAIN!! I was even shining teeth when I replied "I will miss you" to a family yesterday, only to on my Data to see the news on my group whatsapp page. It is not ur fault oo Nysc. The fault lies with OAU that didn't collate our results for the Nov, 2015 batch. I wrote my final exam nd danced round the school in the month of April, 2015 not knowing I hv anoda 365 days to go for service. Thank God I hv a skill am learning but how will I tell my oga that "a o lo mo ni osu yi"?? She will just look at me with her side eyes as usual. If not that I did my Convocation and have my certificate, ppl will be thinking I hv problem with a course or so. I was already saying" 11 days to go " only for my people at home to be doing" aro" for me.. Lemme just start passing through where ppl wont see me cos my mouth is already paining me in a bid of saying "service has been postponed". Pls post this Madam Stella!
ReplyDeleteThis happened during my days with my elder sister and her hubby. My sister once she is home , she will drop her handbag and then sleep wherever she found herself due to tiredness , so one day my sister came back dropped her bag in the parlour and then took her 5months old to go and breastfeed her inside the room. So why breast feeding her then, she fell asleep , she was sitting on the flour of her room with the baby who is already sleeping. So his husband on waiting for long in the sitting room couldn't find the wife , he then headed straight to the room. My sister can sleepwalk we call it "anya ula" in igbo. On opening the door of the room,my sister who was sleeping , I dnt know or dreaming quietly opened his eye and said to the husband who was standing by the door "you evil spirit wherever you are coming from , I bind you" the husband was then telling my sister who was maybe not in this world due to sleep, darling is me ,darling is me .My sister removed his koikoi shoe and started chasing his husband,and the husband with his bowleg was running, I saw the husband from the kitchen and started running too because I didn't know what was happening. Until we all got to the parlour, with my sister holding shoe in his hand, she said heii darling why are we running and the hubby told her that she would have used the koikoi shoe to blow off his head had it been he didn't run. So we all started laughing. Angela.
ReplyDeleteSo you mean 'his husband was being chased by 'her wife'?
DeleteMbok tell me something.
Why did u keep using 'his' for your sister? Is she a hermaphrodite?
DeleteVery fake something
DeleteLol at viva Ciara...
DeleteLmao...
Viva n Mystery don finish work, kwaakwaaakwaa
DeleteViva ciara, jukwa Yaa ooh,hahaha
DeleteEngleesh,u se ya self
DeleteHmm oriegwu *rme
Deleteso we were in class one day and my lecturer was telling us about how someone committed suicide and that it was wrong for us to over stress ourselves and after listening to the gist a course mate of mine raised her hand up and said she had a question next thing she said was sir,did the girl die? mehn the way the man looked at her....we just couldn't stop laughing.
ReplyDeleteWhen i was in the boarding house, i was so hungry that i dreamt of eating bread
ReplyDeletein the dream, after i
finished eating it, i
saw a coconut and
decided to eat it too but
i didn't see knife to
cut it, so i decided to
use my teeth only to
receive a slap from my frnd! You be winch? U DON FINISH
PILLOW,NA MY HEAD U
COME DEY BITE IDIOT!
Thief!
DeleteLol, Omg.
DeleteOk dis got me ROTFL
DeleteNot my gist but it's quite funny....culled from another website.
ReplyDeletei used N4k to buy fuel for my car and my remaining N1k to get food in a resturant before I face Lagos traffic. As I ordered food and sat down to eat, a man sitting beside me and in a nice shirt said, "i luv the way u eat, try their snail, i will pay". I hastily added 4 pieces of snail for N2000 and continued eating . He said again,"u eat so well, pls add a bottle of wine so dat u can drink after eating". I hastily made the order and was having fun.
My total bill came up to about N10,000... I thanked him for accepting to pay. As I stood to leave, my car key fell down, and i bent to pick it, i discovered dat the man was bare-footed!!! Alas, he was a mad man. He laughed at me and said," De way dem go beat u 4 here ehh, na only God fit save u.!".
I'm sure he was wearing a suit and looked clean shaven, reason you didn't know he was mad.
DeleteSannu!
Lol
DeleteLol
DeleteHahahahaha. This got me laughing
DeleteThis joke was on Nigerian info on Saturday
DeleteDis 10k di kwa very important oh! It can take me a long way so let me make stella laff small.
ReplyDeleteIt happened to me in 2008, during our 1st semester examination. As all niga just dey prepare for exam na, me just dey feel high dey happy for my mind say my mbgo dey ready anytime, anyday.lol. as we enter hall, I tell all my coursemate say make dem no bother cos "I hol am for here" I just give all of them hope. So as math 101 wan start na cos dem mix us up with engineering student. Exam na 2hrs obj, dem con dey whisper ann! Ann! How far na? I tell dem no worry "I hol am for here" after every every I release d mgbo share give niga's. After exam niga's con dey ask ann u dey sure wetin u give us? I tell dem no worry na sharp A u go see just calm down make result come out.lol aunty stella loo n behold as result come out na so all of us we copy d mgbo get parallel F lol. Shame no gree me for department. And we dey 24 for class almost 12 follow me write d nonsense... my namw con become "I hol am for here" nobody trust me again till we graduate lol.
Buhahahaha buhahahaha
DeleteLol, u nailed it. Stella take note
DeleteHahahha
Delete@anon 14:40, her is used for a female while him is used for a male.
ReplyDeleteA guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."������������
ReplyDeleteA guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."😯😯😯😂😂😂
ReplyDeletemy sis traditional marriage wen dem dey dress her nah I carry my two leg go sit down dere look. na she tell me say make I go check if dem go soon call her com out, I run reach dere spy I com tell her say dem go soon call her make she ready. Dat time na her gele dem dey tie I com say sister you never wear shoe, she com tell the guy were they tie the gele make he wait day dhe ean eear shoe .she just bend down like say she wan wear shoe d next thing were I see she begin knack me with the shoe they shout wear me shoe wear me shoe,she almost use those Italian shoe tear my head I cry that day. since Dat day I nor dey near any bride were them they dress I go wait for outside.
ReplyDeleteLol...i can imagine
DeleteA guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."😂😂😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteOK so this happened to me while I was doing diploma in uniben I stayed in one hostel at Ekosodin.
ReplyDeleteOne night armed robbers decided to visit my hostel and I was making indomie and eggs in the kitchen, my brother just came from sapele to buy admission form so he was in the room with me, time was around 8pm.
Before I look I hear one loud bang, them Don March door open apparently we were the last to knw robbers were around.
Them enter the room with bandana around their face "oya whr d money" they screamed. My mom just sent us cash the previous week, e pain me eh I had to give them for whr I hide am for my suit pocket, and they took our phones too.
Meanwhile my indomie Don dey burn ooo, naim one of the thieves say u dey cook abi any Plate wey get cover just turn am put" If nor be say them hold gun eh I almost burst laff Hahaha but I just jejely turn the food give them.
Hungry thief...i Happy say them nor see my orobo Pepsi for corner maybe them for carry too lol
Hahahahahahah u made me laff
DeleteHahahahaha very funny Stella should give u d 10k u won
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete*it might be dry
DeleteTypo won wound me for stella blog bt atleast I didnt say apportionment hehe
*it *not
DeleteSo ,one Sunday I was in church so it was offering time an I did not have an envelope so I collected envelope thinking I had 100# in my wallet so I checked my wallet and saw 50# I was like kai so I just respected my self and put the envelope like that inside the basket that's how my neighbour just said am I putting empty envelope inside the basket I said ahhh Nooo he now but it is empty and gave me 200# to put inside chai shame catch me DAT day after all the makeup I use kai and DAT day I dance o.
ReplyDeleteMy little brother was ill, and my cousin came over to stay with us for the holiday, my brother is 18 years old and my cousin is 19, she's not really my cousin, we grew up as close family friends..
ReplyDeleteOne evening my cousin was with my brother in the room.. Doing stuff ( they liked each other very much) and my uncle walked in, and met me in the parlour, he asked me where's your brother and I said he's inside, I didn't know they had started doing stuff.. My uncle walked in on them and immediately she saw my uncle, she started telling my brother, david sorry u hear, hope u are feeling better, sorry, ( she was naked on the boy, who was naked as well) and my uncle just looked at them both and said continue telling him sorry.
Looolz, can relate
DeleteHhahaahahhhaa.
Okay, this happened to me some years ago in owerri.
ReplyDeleteI went to the market oo,and usually I'm careful not to eat anything so I don't start have stomach upset or something. I was thirsty and I decided to drink water,i bought pure water and immediately after drinking it my stomach made this qrrrrrhh sound. Then it continued and became serious with discomfort, I tried to manage myself,but no way,choi! I just asked one of the traders if they had toilet, he pointed somewhere, I then bought 2 more pure water for wash off,when I got there(dirty place) I went in,did the deed,no water to flush,i managed the 2 I bought, I decided to quickly escape,immediately I came,one guy was waiting to enter already,i just bone pass,the guy was fast to peep in an then out and said "as you fine reach you just mess this toilet up".. I didn't even answer him,i just eyes right,afterall he doesn't know me from Adam. Was so embarrassing thou,but no be my fault...
I HATE BANKS..
ReplyDeleteIn other to meet up in my place of work, I had to go to the bank early in the morning to send money to my brother in school.. And I haven't eaten that morning, nor did I ate b4 I slept, the previous night, it also rained heavily the night b4 today.. On getting to the bank, they were a lot of people there, with 3 que., and the AC's were on, despite the fact that the atmosphere was cold outside, (this couldn't get any worse),there were about 40people b4 me on the que, I had to fill my teller on the line, I have being in the line for 50min, there were 8 people b4 me, I have being feeling this cramp in my legs, I was freezing, when my stomach started signaling me "eh , you wan born ooo" ( not that am pregnant, but you know what I mean say, you wan born).. I decided to hold it, 4 customers were ahead of me, and my face was already turning, that when I know, it is a bad mixture to be sweating inside cold, it was like a matter of life and death, I mean don go up, I used one hand hold my money, and the other to hold my trouser, (like my trouser is the one holding the shit).. My legs were ticking, in my mind, I wanted to ask the security guard for the toilet, but I was trying not to embarrass myself , so that people will not know I use to shit,.. I couldn't hold it again, I quietly went to the toilet and gave birth with ease, I didn't know when I used the teller with mr to clean.. There were no tissue.... When I came out, I was already sweating like a christmas goat.. People were looking at me like well done, I had to cover it up with a fake smile, like,.. "Its not what you are thinking, I didn't go to the toilet"..
Story Story Here Goes..
ReplyDelete.So I was dating this guy and I decided to do the 3 Month No Sex Pact with him . Well things had grown progressively serious and we were at the Borderline Hunch Session And decided we were ready to take it to the NEXT Level and Have "Relations". Soooo Being The DIVA I am Yall Know I had to Plan this shyte GOOD!
I went to shoprite and Bought All Types of Perfume and Shower Gel Sets for the BIG NIGHT. I went to the lingerie store and Bought Me Some Sexy Panties, Bra and Lingerie. Went Home And CLEANED My HOUSE BETTER THAN Mr. Bald headed Clean. Incense were Lit, Glade Candles Burning, lights dimmed.
The Guy Called and we had some pre bedroom chat about we couldn't wait blah blah.
Sooooo My dumb butt gets off the phone and goes to shower before he comes over. I decided to be Clever and Shower with the Juicy Couture Shower Gel and use the Estee Lauder Perfume. BAD BAD AZZ MOVE. While In The Shower I Must Have Washed about 15 times so the shower gel could get in my skin LOL. I washed my Vjayjay with the shower GEL.
I gets out the SHOWER and I notice Vjayjay was stinging I said oh well and threw some baby powder in my panties to cool her off.
DING DONG the door bell!
Guy walks in and I'm "CLEANT"(Looking good) And I Smell GOOD, REAL GOOD. First thing happened was Dude Sniffed the air and said "Dang Baby you went all OUT, your place smells like a Potpourri shop LOL"
Then it happened> HE SNEEZED!
Fast Forward we on the couch and he starts that freaky kissing on my neck so he leaned in and said "You smell sooo ACHOO GOOD" (This bastard sneezed again) I said WHAT? You need some allergy medicine? I got you!
Alright he gets on his knees, YESS I get excited an I said "Umm Management is Looking for a few Long Tongues, Apply Within" (I'm Fast LOL) JUST As this Sukka stuck his head in my lap He SNEEEZED And SNEEZED...
His FACE turned BRIGHT RED And Get this Shyte...HIS NOSE SWELLED UP. Ok By Now I also Noticed My Vjayjay Was ON FIREEEEEE.
I Left his azz in the living room sneezing and went to the bathroom and ran some Cold water and Doused my Hellokitty.
I was like "Calm down Cheetah it ain't time yet LOL. But Wheww it got worse! I heard him call my name but I didn't answer. I swear this mouthasukka came and opened the door and bust out the laughing and said Here baby you need some Ice for your azz caus you LIT up my NOSE LOL.
Yall WHEN I SAY MY HelloKitty Was Calling the Fire Department It was in FLAMES from that fruity Azz Shower Gel. I was on the floor with my legs opening and He was fanning with a Cold towel and Laughing and sneezing So I said, "I need MEDICAL Attention" I was SOOOO Embarassed! "WHY ME" As we drove in the car and the air conditioning on FULL BLAST on the floor .
We gets to the E.R. and the Nurse Asks me what was wrong I couldn't even say, he burst out laughing and said she on Fire LOL.
They Put me in a Room and I hear nothing but LAUGHTER! So In walks this Doctor, he sniffed the air and says "Someone had some Cake or candy in this room, I smell sweets".
The Guy pointed at me and said "NO It's HER". I cried and They Both Busted Out laughing.
The Doctor came over to me with the cover over my head and pulled it back and said "Next time "Miss, ONLY SOAP And WATER and I promise He will Still eat it " OMGGGGG EMBARRASSED Was MY NAME!
I see u...
DeleteOuchh,, that hurts..
DeleteWhy did you copy someone's gist? I see u.
DeleteCopied from females in Nigeria FB page. Mtchewwwww and you gave no credit.
DeleteCopied from Females in Nigeria FB page.mtcheeeew and you gave no credit.
DeleteSo guys come to ur house to shag u??? Yeye. I'm sure u r Yoruba. Shameless
DeleteAnno 09:17 her name is Gbo Gbo na ashawo she bi
DeleteBABIES ARE UNPREDICTABLE
ReplyDeleteI have been avoiding my 3months old nephew because he can vomit for Africa.if I happen to carry him and he belchs,the way I will react is so funny that his grandmother would want to kill herself with laughter.I didn't know babies can revenge oooh.
oneday,I was playing with him and the mum asked me to give her the baby that she wants to breastfeed him.I no hear!give me the baby!I no hear...I just told her,just one more time pleaeeeese.As I lifted the baby with my mouth wide open with smiles,this baby from the bottom of his heart released vomit in my mouth,face, cloths and body.And to add salt to injury,he bursted into laughter.hhahahahahahahahahahahaha! Everybody that was there could not stop laughing.I just held him so tight to myself not knowing Wat else to do.where I wan start na? i was like,Jesus!who said this child is a baby?
Lol. Happened to me too.
DeleteI schooled in a boarding school and we have inspection on Saturday mornings to know which hostel was the cleanest.
ReplyDeleteWe were done with inspection and senior students bath by the tap in the quadrangle while junior students used the bathrooms.
I and three of my friends were bathing when the house mistress who was not supposed to come back after inspection walked in with two male teachers. I nearly died of embarrassment, instead of her to guide them out, she screamed, " what is this?, will you all get your shameless buttocks into the bathroom right now?".
We ran with soap all over our bodies,managing to hold our buckets and sponges, it was really bad for me because I have always had big and wobbly buttocks that shook and bubbled all the way and one of them was my government teacher.
I couldn't lift my head in his class after that incident.
English is not your language, i hate when people mock others because of that . Please if you didn't make first class in the uni with your so called correction, please quietly shut your mouth. Even Stella makes mistakes.
ReplyDeleteI would have seconded you bt bvns would have my head being that I am the queen of typos
DeleteHmm.. while waiting for uni admission, I decide to join the drama unit at church. On drama night, I was acting a part that literally involved getting married. I had on a wedding dress and there was this really pretty high heeled shoe that a relative from UK had gifted me which I wore, as we were proceeding down the aisle with my supposed father leading me, one the shoe's sole came off so suddenly I fell on my face with the whole church in view. Mehnnn I died many times over.
ReplyDelete@ Williams: lwkm... sorry you hear... naked sorry chei!
ReplyDeleteI and my husband have this funny marriage and relationship. We have this amazing relationship and usually yab each other a lot. I will tell you 4 of our yabis/jokes.
ReplyDeleteJoke 1)
we were in bed about to have sex when I asked:
Me: "baby, How would you describe me?"
bim: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Me: "What does that mean?"
bim: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Me: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Bim: "I'm just kidding!"
You can imagine what happened afterwards.
Joke1(2)
Me too I decided to do him back one day. We were watching a boxing match on television when my husband suddenly sighed and complained: , “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!”
“Good,” I replied, “Now you know how I always feel.”
no chop money for me the next day lol.
Joke 2:
my husband suddenly exclaimed to me one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"
Later that night in bed, my husband made some advances towards me and of course I completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asked. I answered him with all pleasure: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
Joke 3:
My husband got into trouble with me again recently. He forgot his wedding anniversary and I was really angry because I dropped lots of hints. He apologied cos he wanted some twinky that night so I stroke a bargain with him.
"Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in my veranda that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When i woke up, I looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the feint of the house. Confused but happy, I put on my robe and ran out, brought the box back in the house. With sweet delight and, thinking of how I will give him the biggest blowj in the world when he got back from work, I opened it and found a brand new bathroom weight scale. You can imagine what I did to him when he got home.
Mathilde4u@yaho!
I hope my gist is funny and wins, okay this happened some years back when our house was still full with relatives. A cousin of mine from my mum side came for the hols and before he came my mum always gave us gist on how his mum was a heavy sleeper. On this day, he was sleeping in the living room and my mum woke him up to go and urinate and then go to the bedroom. We were all watching movie and we were so engrossed that we didn't notice our cousin entering my uncles room, and this my uncle was fast asleep cause he was tired from work. All we heard was my uncle screaming, we all ran to the room only to discover my cousin had urinated on my uncles head. The boy was just looking confused. My mum could not curtail the laughter. She infected us and we all started laughing. Since then we were cautious of that my cousin oh. I hope I win. Fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteHahaha@ is not my result
ReplyDeleteHere is my gist, I hope it makes you laugh.
ReplyDeleteI was about ten years, mum told me to buy tin tomatoes,Maggie to make jollof rice during the holiday. I had this lovely slippers she just got for me that I wore cos I was going to d next street. Bought d things and was heading back home, there is a house that had a dog on the street where I went, so something just said I should call d dog, so I started sighing and calling d dog, I just told myself let me start running in case d dog came out of the house, so I started running towards home, I just started hearing giggy giggy giggy at my back when I looked the dog was chasing me, I threw away my slippers and all my mom sent me, was running and shouting nobody to save me, I got tired and I knelt down and started begging d dog. The dog just turned and left. I couldn't tell anyone wen I got home.
So I remember one gist from way back.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with two boys; one younger and elder. On this particular day, the three of us were home alone and we were still very young then so we got tired of playing and was looking for something else to do. Luckily my elder bro found a ten naira note that was torn halfway and we all decided we would buy "OK shortbread" biscuit and share. We gave the torn note to my younger bro that when he gets to Adamu's place he should first collect the biscuit before paying with strict warning not to mess up. Myself nd my other bro stayed patiently waiting by the window for him to return.
The next thing we heard was "yeee!!! Haaa!! Open the gate!! Take the biscuit!! Tope!! Tayo!!" (my younger bro was very small then and we stayed in a block of flats; first floor and we had a gate to our own flat but he has to climb the gate cuz he was still small to open it) Lo and behold adamu was chasing my bro and he was screaming for us to come and help him open the gate. Mtytself nd my other bro just closed the window and we cldnt help. Adamu eventually collected the biscuit and left that was when we came out to help him... he was already crying and instead of us to tell him sorry we started blaming him that he isn't sharp... lol, each time I remember that day I always laugh.. trust my bro to report us to daddy that day, we chop cane last last.
About 18yrs ago in London,my nephew (6yrs) old comes tearing down the stairs early in the morning,shouting...Big mooooom! I was scared like whaat?
ReplyDeleteHe said:my willy is moving look!. I looked n the little lad was-i guess having erection. We still have a good laff anytime i remember the story to his embarassment.
Make una See me See wahalaoooo,
ReplyDeleteI went for the burial of a friends grand dad somewhere in Anambra, & in that village, when someone dies, an elderly man will come up and tell whose next to die. So this man came along and said that
the next person whose going to die is the one who decides to leave the burial ground first. Friends since yesterday I stil dey dia ooh, nobody wan 1st go oo, everybody just lie down, Even the old man at age 112
years is lying down beside me,is asking me if my people never start to look for me?
As am talking to u now. Am still lying down What should I do next ?plss
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
Hahahahhahahahhahah, who send you msg, gosh this dude gat to win
DeleteAnd u think we don't know u r 'ade' hyping ur own gist. Look at d typing similarity. Try harder. Yinmu
DeleteTake this for laff
ReplyDeleteMake una See me See wahalaoooo, I went for the burial of a friends grand dad somewhere in Imo state, & in that village, when someone dies, an elderly man will come up and tell whose next to die. So this man came along and said that the next person whose going to die is the one who decides to leave the burial ground first. Friends since yesterday I stil dey dia ooh, nobody wan 1st go oo, everybody just lie down, Even the old man at age 112 years is lying down beside me,is asking me if my people never start to look for me? As am talking to u now. Am still lying down What should I do next ?
Stella dat gbogbo bigs gals gist got me oo
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteKwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa
DeleteRotfl
ReplyDeleteDt dog gist got me laughing and crying. Lol@ giggy giggy. Sotey u kneel dan beg dog
ReplyDeleteI was on my way to Nysc Secretariat for my CDS. I boarded a Napep to surulere. We were four passengers. We were moving smoothly when the man seated beside the driver received a call, 'Hello. I'm on my way, I'm driving'. We bursted into laughter
ReplyDeleteJesu..just coming
ReplyDeleteEven if it dosent make you laugh,I remember when I was younger and my dad, came home,I opened the gate for him then went to park his car and I now locked the door and went upstairs.. He was no knocking almost 30 minutes my aunt said when she open d door he started shouting "where is Amaka" omo I got the shouting of my laugh and slap that day when I came out of the toilet where I went to do my business...
While I was heavily pregnant I took a bus from ketu to Ojota. I thought I gave the conductor 50 naira note, unknown to me I had already put it back in my bag. Na so conductor dey shout sey wey my money. I was angry and I told him I had given him, men... Everybody for inside bus come dey support me sey I no fit dey lie. Shortly before I got down I remembered that I didn't give him the money.. Omo.. Shame no gree me own up again I just got down quietly
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was in secondary school. My dad went out when he got back around 9pm,i heard his horn as usual and I ran to open the gate. As he was entering another car quickly zoomed in with him. When my dad got down he was saying good evening sir and the person in the other car just said move in. I was very scared since it was dark myself and my dad could only see the outline of two men in the car. My dad then said what can I do for you sir. The man said loudly again move in, my dad obviously scared too moved closer that was how he saw it was his friend and they both laughed out loud. Then my mum ran from the house to the compound fearing the worst only to find both men and his son laughing. I just stood for a while trying to recover from the shock. Lol
ReplyDelete