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Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Joy Of Single Parenting.

They don't make men like they used to anymore; and women have become something else.
Long long time ago, men used to be very proud being the bread winners, the sole providers in the home but nowadays, many don't mind being a house husband.




Women used to be seen, not heard, but now, women are the bread winners in most homes. They have taken over the role of men, they have become the Boss Madam, most of them, by circumstance.
Question: How and why do some women end up with useless baby daddies and husbands who, short of owning a penis, can't lay ownership to any responsibility, can't take care nor take charge?


Why do some women stay in a relationship that ain't going anywhere, worse off, in an abusive, psychologically draining, energy sapping relationship, where the man puts up his feet while the woman slaves to keep the home?


Haba! Is it by force to stay in a relationship because the world must see you as married, or you are only tolerating your baby daddy so he can have a rethink and marry you?
The new cool for women is single parenting, especially for those who have been unlucky in finding reasonable men.

Ladies, please cut yourselves some slack, you can't find that much needed and desired happiness if you're in a relationship that is so filled with stress and despair, coupled with the child or children's responsibility you have to think of.
Life is about the good and the bad, it's true we all know that single parenting has its ups and downs but hey, joint parenting does too.

No matter your circumstances or reasons, once you are a single parent, you should be prepared for the good and bad and handle it accordingly. For me I want to look at the positives rather than the negatives.
If you're thrust with single parenting, first thing to get crystal clear is this is where you are now, and because you love the child/children enough to ensure they turn out well in life not lacking basic amenities, you must roll up your sleeves and get kicking.

You cannot afford to be lazy, don't discriminate on the kind of job you can or cannot do because of an illusionary class. As long as the job is not prostitution, drug peddling and trafficking in any of the vices, you must give your best at what work you find to do to earn a living. There is still dignity in labour; at least we have Olajumoke's story to refer to in very recent times.


Rather than pity yourself or stay on the spot whining and wailing, or going to night vigil everyday, 
wear a good dose of confidence and give this your best shot.
Afterall, you're not the first single parent and certainly won't be the last.
We have stories of single parents whose children turned out very beautifully, thereby becoming reference points for good. I'm sure you know that children raised by single parents only turn out poorly and terribly because those parents didn't give their best or their best wasn't good enough.

As a single parent, you must find a responsible father figure to model for and mentor your child. This does not necessarily have to be your boyfriend, it can be an uncle, a friend, someone that the child can look up to and take correction from when he/she goes off course.

A mistake I have seen with single parents is that they turn their children to the husband they do not have, they do not discipline them when they go wrong, everything the child does is okay whether good or not, they don't put their foot down on what they know is right for the child to do. They live and raise the kids in denial and self pity. This is when single parenting goes all wrong.
Apart from this, nothing stops a single parent's child from being outstanding and even going ahead to outshine regular kids.

So, the ball is in your court, whether you will choose to see your cup half empty or half full but I am strongly against a lady pretending to be under a man when in the real sense, though her man is not physically demised but she's the ONLY parent in her home.

Who you dey deceive?


I don talk my own sha, nah you know.

Written BY CHARLYBOY OPUTA.


33 comments:

  1. People who have become single parents should live each day...

    My problem is usually with those who "want" to become one NOW. Like in the midst of all going on in the world and mostly against single parents, you still have sex? Unprotected sex at that?!

    Everyone who has unprotected sex is a potential single parent as long as intercourse is still the popular way of making babies! We have enough single parents on the streets already..don't intentionally BECOME ONE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol @ "potential single parent" you have a point there.

      Delete
    2. So true. Probably, some people just like wahala and a lot of drama going on in their life before they know they exist as stress gives them' orgasm'.

      Delete
  2. Well said. Some women are leaving in denial. It's not by force to remain married while you get pummelled by hubby dearest. That said, having a child out of wedlock ( since that's the trend now ) is a no no for me.

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  3. Rather than pity yourself or stay on the spot whining and wailing, or going to night vigil everyday,
    wear a good dose of confidence and give this your best shot.
    Afterall, you're not the first single parent and certainly won't be the last.

    As a single parent, you must find a responsible father figure to model for and mentor your child. This does not necessarily have to be your boyfriend, it can be an uncle, a friend, someone that the child can look up to and take correction from when he/she goes off course.

    A mistake I have seen with single parents is that they turn their children to the husband they do not have, they do not discipline them when they go wrong, everything the child does is okay whether good or not, They live and raise the kids in denial and self pity. This is when single parenting goes all wrong.

    So, the ball is in your court, whether you will choose to see your cup half empty or half full but I am strongly against a lady pretending to be under a man when in the real sense, though her man is not physically demised but she's the ONLY parent in her home.

    YOU MADE SENSE CHARLEY.







    Nice write-up.

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  4. Single mothers are mostly women dat gbensh anyhow

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  5. The fear of being stigmatized as a single mother, is what makes some women stay in abusive /toxic relationships.

    Ironically, a fair number of children raised in such hostile environments, turn out badly. Rebellious and delinquent.

    I mean, being raised by a strong, focused single mum, is hundred times better than being raised in a dysfunctional two parent setting.

    That being said, that's not an excuse, or justification, for people, females especially, to sleep around without protection, because being a single mother is better imagined than experienced.

    No be child's play.

    Here's to all hardworking and resilient single moms out there.
    The Lord is your muscle. :D

    #WhiteDiamondOut

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  6. Very true. Some are married but actually living as single parents. If you have to leave your home though, make sure you try your possible best to make things work. If it doesn't at least you know you did all you could

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be consoling your self oh,oni do ku do .

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  7. Many of the married Women here in Naija, are single mothers. They just have a husband filling in the name

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  8. The only single parent one can think of considering is when a lady approaches menopause and still no partner. To be a single parent is the worst thing that can happen to someone, the stress involved no be here, its so draining in both financial and emotional aspects. I pity them a lot especially those who never planned to end like that but for the desparadoes who intentionally became one in order to force it on man not willing to marry them, I have no pity on them. Kudos to strong single parent.

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  9. Nice write up, quite informative.
    The bitter truth is - not everybody will marry.It is the reality because some people are better off on their own than being married cos of too much chronicles.

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  10. ANYWAYS MR CHARLYBOY OPUTA YOU MAY BE RIGHT AT SOME POINT BUT KNOW THAT SOCIETY, FAMILY RELIGION MAKES IT MOST DIFFICULT TO PULL OUT OF MARRIAGE THAT IS NOT REALLY WORKING. HOW I WISH I CAN EITHER SEE YOU AND TALK TO YOU, BUT BE THAT AS IT MAY I CAN STILL LET YOU KNOW THAT THE ABOVE MENTIONED VICES MADE IT DIFFICULT IN NIGERIA OR AFRICA FOR A SOME WOMEN TO PULL OUT OF MARRIAGE EASILY.

    I AM A LIVING WITNESS TO THAT, I GOT MARRIED IN THE YEAR 2006 AND MY MARRIAGE WAS BUILT ON THE PLATFORM OF LIES , DECEIT AND SECRECY, UNKNOWINGLY TO ME ANYWAYS WHY DO I SAY THAT I MET MY HUBBY IN THE CHURCH AS A DEVOTED AND COMMITTED CHRISTIAN AND A BORN AGAIN SO I THOUGHT ANYWAY. THEN HE WAS WORKING HE TOLD ME HE GRADUATED FROM ABU ZARIA, THAT HE OFFERED POLITICAL SCIENCE, I TOO THEN WAS IN SCHOOL OFFERING MANAGEMENT, SO THAT RELATIONSHIP GREW FROM FRIENDSHIP TO BOTH OF US GETTING MARRIED IN 2006. FAST-FORWARD TO 2009 FEBRUARY 18TH WHEN HE LOST HIS JOB I TOLD SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND ME EXBOSS THEY SAID I SHOULD GET HIS CV FOR THEM TO HELP IN GETTING HIM ANOTHER JOB, THAT WAS WHEN HE TOLD ME HE WAS RUSTICATED OUT OF SCHOOL DURING HIS FINAL YEAR THAT HE DID NOT NOT GRADUATE, I WAS DEVASTATED, I WAS PREGNANT OF MY 2ND CHILD THEN, SHORTLY AFTER AROUND JUNE I GAVE BIRTH, I WAS VIRTUALLY PROVIDING EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE INCLUDING HOUSE RENT BECAUSE I WORK DESPITE SCHOOLING I WAS WORKING.

    I HAD A PORTION OF LAND OPPOSITE REDEEMED CHURCH OF GOD BY LAGOS IBADAN EXPRESSWAY I ASKED HIM WHAT HE COULD DO, THAT HE CAN'T NOT CONTINUE TO BE IDLE, WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN ALREADY HE NEED TO WORK TO COMPLEMENT MY EFFORT, IT WAS ON THAT GROUND HE SAID I SHOULD BUY HIM A BUS HE CAN BE USING IT, EITHER FOR TOWN SERVICE OR TO CARRY LOAD FROM THE AIRPORT OR REGISTER IT WITH SOME COMPANY TO BE DOING DELIVER OF PRODUCT FOR THEM. I TOLD HIM TO LOOK FOR A GOOD BUS THAT CAN SERVE THAT PURPOSE , HE DID AND CALLED ME TO COME SEE IT, I WENT THERE WITH A MECHANIC HE CONFIRMED IT OK, I PAID AND THEY WORKED ON THE BUS AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYTHING COST ME 950K, THIS WAS JUNE 2010 DO YOU KNOW THIS GUY REFUSED TO EITHER DRIVE THE BUS OR REGISTER IT AS WE HAD EARLIER AGREED BUT WILL GIVE THE BUS TO EVERY DICK AND HARRY TO DRIVE TILL THE BUS KNOCKED ENGINE LATE 2014, HE LATER GOT A VERY GOOD JOB WITH ONE MULTINATIONAL COMPANY AS A STORE KEEPER, NOW HE MESSED UP THERE AGAIN JUST WITHIN ONE YEAR, AND RAN AWAY TO UNKNOWN DESTINATION LEAVING ME AND MY CHILDREN ALONE.

    PRIOR TO THE ABOVE I HAVE SEEN HIS HOSTILITY, LACK OF LOVE, CARE, SUPPORT AFFECTION AND WHICH HE STARTED SHOWCASING AFTER WEDDING , I TOLD MY DAD,FAMILY AND PASTOR THAT I NEEDED A DIVORCE THEY ALL REFUSED MY DAD SAID NO DIVORCE IN HIS FAMILY I AM HIS FIRST CHILD HE CANT ENCOURAGE ME TO DO THAT, THAT I SHOULD PRAY THINGS AND BE PATIENT THINGS WILL CHANGE, CHURCH SAID IS A TABOOO THAT THEY CANT SEPARATE US. I WAS LEFT IN THE STATE OF DELIMA THINKING OF WHAT TO DO, NOW THE MESS HE COMMITTED IN HIS OFFICE AND RAN AWAY, POLICE IS THREATENING ME TO PROVIDE HIM AS IF I KNOW, 2 GUARANTORS THAT SIGNED FOR HIM TO BE GIVEN THE JOB ARE THREATENING ME, HIMSELF CALLED ME WITH RESTRICTED LINE THAT IF I LEAVE HIM TO MARRY ANOTHER MAN OR LEAVE HIM THAT HE WILL KILL ME, NOW MY FATHER IS LATE KILLED BY MY UNCLES, OF WHICH I HAVE NOBODY TO TALK TO ON THIS ISSUE EXCEPT GOD MY MUM IS HYPERTENSIVE WE ARE HIDING THIS ISSUE FROM HER. MR CHARLYBOY OPUTA IN THIS SITUATION WHAT COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY DO? RIGHT NOW I AM BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND DEEP SEA. I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE

    THANKS FOR THIS PUBLICATION

    ReplyDelete
  11. ANYWAYS MR CHARLYBOY OPUTA YOU MAY BE RIGHT AT SOME POINT BUT KNOW THAT SOCIETY, FAMILY RELIGION MAKES IT MOST DIFFICULT TO PULL OUT OF MARRIAGE THAT IS NOT REALLY WORKING. HOW I WISH I CAN EITHER SEE YOU AND TALK TO YOU, BUT BE THAT AS IT MAY I CAN STILL LET YOU KNOW THAT THE ABOVE MENTIONED VICES MADE IT DIFFICULT IN NIGERIA OR AFRICA FOR A SOME WOMEN TO PULL OUT OF MARRIAGE EASILY.

    I AM A LIVING WITNESS TO THAT, I GOT MARRIED IN THE YEAR 2006 AND MY MARRIAGE WAS BUILT ON THE PLATFORM OF LIES , DECEIT AND SECRECY, UNKNOWINGLY TO ME ANYWAYS WHY DO I SAY THAT I MET MY HUBBY IN THE CHURCH AS A DEVOTED AND COMMITTED CHRISTIAN AND A BORN AGAIN SO I THOUGHT ANYWAY. THEN HE WAS WORKING HE TOLD ME HE GRADUATED FROM ABU ZARIA, THAT HE OFFERED POLITICAL SCIENCE, I TOO THEN WAS IN SCHOOL OFFERING MANAGEMENT, SO THAT RELATIONSHIP GREW FROM FRIENDSHIP TO BOTH OF US GETTING MARRIED IN 2006. FAST-FORWARD TO 2009 FEBRUARY 18TH WHEN HE LOST HIS JOB I TOLD SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND ME EXBOSS THEY SAID I SHOULD GET HIS CV FOR THEM TO HELP IN GETTING HIM ANOTHER JOB, THAT WAS WHEN HE TOLD ME HE WAS RUSTICATED OUT OF SCHOOL DURING HIS FINAL YEAR THAT HE DID NOT NOT GRADUATE, I WAS DEVASTATED, I WAS PREGNANT OF MY 2ND CHILD THEN, SHORTLY AFTER AROUND JUNE I GAVE BIRTH, I WAS VIRTUALLY PROVIDING EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE INCLUDING HOUSE RENT BECAUSE I WORK DESPITE SCHOOLING I WAS WORKING.

    I HAD A PORTION OF LAND OPPOSITE REDEEMED CHURCH OF GOD BY LAGOS IBADAN EXPRESSWAY I ASKED HIM WHAT HE COULD DO, THAT HE CAN'T NOT CONTINUE TO BE IDLE, WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN ALREADY HE NEED TO WORK TO COMPLEMENT MY EFFORT, IT WAS ON THAT GROUND HE SAID I SHOULD BUY HIM A BUS HE CAN BE USING IT, EITHER FOR TOWN SERVICE OR TO CARRY LOAD FROM THE AIRPORT OR REGISTER IT WITH SOME COMPANY TO BE DOING DELIVER OF PRODUCT FOR THEM. I TOLD HIM TO LOOK FOR A GOOD BUS THAT CAN SERVE THAT PURPOSE , HE DID AND CALLED ME TO COME SEE IT, I WENT THERE WITH A MECHANIC HE CONFIRMED IT OK, I PAID AND THEY WORKED ON THE BUS AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYTHING COST ME 950K, THIS WAS JUNE 2010 DO YOU KNOW THIS GUY REFUSED TO EITHER DRIVE THE BUS OR REGISTER IT AS WE HAD EARLIER AGREED BUT WILL GIVE THE BUS TO EVERY DICK AND HARRY TO DRIVE TILL THE BUS KNOCKED ENGINE LATE 2014, HE LATER GOT A VERY GOOD JOB WITH ONE MULTINATIONAL COMPANY AS A STORE KEEPER, NOW HE MESSED UP THERE AGAIN JUST WITHIN ONE YEAR, AND RAN AWAY TO UNKNOWN DESTINATION LEAVING ME AND MY CHILDREN ALONE.

    PRIOR TO THE ABOVE I HAVE SEEN HIS HOSTILITY, LACK OF LOVE, CARE, SUPPORT AFFECTION AND WHICH HE STARTED SHOWCASING AFTER WEDDING , I TOLD MY DAD,FAMILY AND PASTOR THAT I NEEDED A DIVORCE THEY ALL REFUSED MY DAD SAID NO DIVORCE IN HIS FAMILY I AM HIS FIRST CHILD HE CANT ENCOURAGE ME TO DO THAT, THAT I SHOULD PRAY THINGS AND BE PATIENT THINGS WILL CHANGE, CHURCH SAID IS A TABOOO THAT THEY CANT SEPARATE US. I WAS LEFT IN THE STATE OF DELIMA THINKING OF WHAT TO DO, NOW THE MESS HE COMMITTED IN HIS OFFICE AND RAN AWAY, POLICE IS THREATENING ME TO PROVIDE HIM AS IF I KNOW, 2 GUARANTORS THAT SIGNED FOR HIM TO BE GIVEN THE JOB ARE THREATENING ME, HIMSELF CALLED ME WITH RESTRICTED LINE THAT IF I LEAVE HIM TO MARRY ANOTHER MAN OR LEAVE HIM THAT HE WILL KILL ME, NOW MY FATHER IS LATE KILLED BY MY UNCLES, OF WHICH I HAVE NOBODY TO TALK TO ON THIS ISSUE EXCEPT GOD MY MUM IS HYPERTENSIVE WE ARE HIDING THIS ISSUE FROM HER. MR CHARLYBOY OPUTA IN THIS SITUATION WHAT COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY DO? RIGHT NOW I AM BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND DEEP SEA. I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE

    THANKS FOR THIS PUBLICATION

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dont equate lack due to poverty as a problem of being a single parent. The other issue is being single does not equal single parent. Some parents separent but do what is co parenting. Many baby mamas of rich man are single but not single parenting because they are supported both materially.and physically they are co-parenting. This means they both look out for the children although they are not living together or still in love. Westerners are very good at being single and co parenting even after divorce. Nigerian women have a problem.of using man as meal tickets. When they end pregnant and single they are even poorer. I am a single mum wy two.children are in a boarding school in UK Stella. l have no problem. l made my money and built my house as a practice nurse. My marriage did not work and l left. I have never searched for that looser man. l am not yet 40 but l work only six months in a year and do other business. The only people fit to judge my single motherhood must have good standard of family life and education as my two kids.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Best post ever . Anon 14 .26 . Well said dear . Some kids of dual parents don't even have half the upbringing and standards of kids from single parents home !!! Well said charly. You as the resident parent must do your homework well.

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  14. Obama is from a single parent home . Look at him.

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  15. Thank you for this lovely piece..

    As a single mum by choice – yes, I chose to leave violence, maltreatment and suffering – I am grateful for the society I live in (not Nigeria :-)), I face my duty as a mother, my children mean the world to me. At the same time I pursue the career I’ve chosen and by his grace albeit rough sometimes, we are in a better place.

    By choice, he isn’t interested in the children to spite me. Shame! But God has remained God. Do I get lonely? Of course I do! But I look at my babies and it is all worth it.

    My advice to others like me? Keep doing what you do best. Leave dating for now, love will find you at the right time. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  16. Am a single mum with 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls, was in a very abusive marriage, it was so bad that my ex who works in another state here in Nigerian does not allow myself and the kids know where he lives, has 4 children from 4 different women (he is a military man), if I complain I will be beaten and will not see him for the next 8 to 10 months. I decided on my own that it was time to move on without him after all I was already seen as a single mother, when your husband visits you and the kids every 6 months in a year and spends just 3 days, the children barely know him. For 6 years now I have been able to take care of my kids on my own , am in my middle 30s,a medical doc by profession

    ReplyDelete
  17. What is so bad in being a single mum? Is it not a better state than being yoked to one animal whose only claim to manliness is the shriveled penis he has in between in his legs? I am a single mother by choice and I'm so loving it.

    ReplyDelete

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