STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SUICIDAL FROM MOTHERS VERBAL ABUSE
Hi Stella,
I will try and be brief.I am a lady who will turn 30 soon but I feel my life is unfulfilled. Nothing seems to be working for me spiritually, emotionally, mentally even health wise. One of the reasons i believe is because of the kind of mother I have.She never sees anything good in me and doesn't hesitate to throw negative statements at me and now I am at a point where I am beginning to hate being around her.
This has been a regular occurrence since when I was young like age 6,7.I noticed that anything I make a mistake at something, she will utter hateful words like "Oloriburuku", 'Oloshi', Useless girl, Ode, Idiot just to mention a few.I was also an "emere' in her words which means like I had a demonic spirit or something.Note:I have other siblings including an elder sister but she never put them down and this usually made me wonder what the problem was.
Along the line,This affected my self esteem as I was always crying anytime she talked to me and I felt withdrawn.I began to feel useless, unloved and worthless.I began to feel God wanted to make me suffer in life by giving me this kind of mother.These constant abuse continued and even led to public embarassment a few times.My mother began to derive pleasure in verbally abusing me in public in order to get people on her side and public sympathy.I dont want to go into details here because they were all painful experiences.My late father(God bless his soul) constantly told her to stop the behaviour as It may affect me later but instead she will say he is taking sides with me.
Even when I got into the university, she still continued.she never allowed me go out just to visit friends. even birthdays and parties, i will answer plenty questions.i am not sure I know what clubbing means.later, she will put me down that I dont know how to dress up and i don't have fashion sense no matter how i try.It was in the university I reallised I was beautiful when people started complimenting my looks.Sometimes i feel God wanted to punish me by giving that kind of mother.
Stella,I have so many things to say but my major issue now is I feel depressed and frustrated.I am starting to feel all the bad things my mother said to me in the past are affecting me now.I struggle in almost anything I try to do.Anytime i want something to happen, once I start anticipating about it or i tell someone, it never works out.I have gone for interviews at big places but i never pass first stage.We quarrel almost everyday over little things and I am getting tired.
At 29, I am not in any relationship, nobody is asking me out at the moment and I have never had a serious boyfriend in my life.serious in the sense that most of them dont ask me to be their girlfriends, i just assume we are dating and they start misbehaving after three months.Most of them due to my fragile and inexperienced nature just want to use me and dump me yet they will keep saying I am a good girl.
The last guy that i felt a connection left me heartbroken as usual, i have still not gotten over him since last year. my mother keeps making fun of me that I am not married and girls not up to my age are in their husbands house. I want to marry and I am pretty too but if nobody is asking me out what will i do? I am a friendly and nice person, but I can count the number of good friends I have, they run away when i need their help.
My spiritual life is nothing to write home about.I go to church, I am a God-fearing person but I have never heard from God before the way people do.I cry to God but I feel he doesnt hear me. My faith is wavering.My health is also having issues, I have been losing weight for a while because something in my system is preventing me from eating well.just tired,why is everything happening to me at the same time.
Once I am home alone, I begin to feel depressed, frustrated and have suicidal thoughts as I am tired of my situation.
I need help, advice and counsel urgently.
*OMG......have you tackled this with her?She might not know how damaging or how her words have damaged you...TELL HER!
Hhhhmmmm!
ReplyDeleteMost mothers are usually like DS, I don't know why, my dear, I hv been in your shoes, but I didn't gv my mom dt chance, my elder sis was d scape goat, till date she is still going thru it, she is 33 now and not even a male friend or fiancee yet, she just relocated now, don't gv ur mum dt chance, sum parents can b evil o
DeleteFunny enough , today as I was walking and talking with God , I suddenly realised that the outcome of our lives depends ENTIRELY on us from a certain age.
DeleteYes..different factors come into play and determine the outcome of a person's life , but when one gets to a certain age , then that person takes responsibility for his or her life.
Back to you Poster : how old are you again ? 29 , almost 30 right ?
My sister , you better wake up and forget about your mum. You are well past the age of blaming people for the outcome of your life
I want you to write down what IS AGAINST YOU OR WHAT SEEMS TO BE A 'DISADVANTAGE ' .
YES write all of them down and then PRAISE God that it all happened to you because you know it's part of your story and all things are working together for your good
Do it everyday.
Now as for your relationship with God ; honey , the bible says that they that seek God shall find Him. Psalm 27 says that one thing have I DESIRED, that i shall SEEK after . Desire and then Go after God .
Go to his word
Fellowship with Him and tell him how much you love him.
Pray in the Spirit and just love on God.
Nothing frustrates me like not spending time with God .. so I understand how you feel.
But i woukd want you to be vividly aware that God is IN you, WITH You , and FOR you.
NOTHING can stand against you.
Remind yourself that the best in life is for you .remind yourself that all things work together for your good
And NEVER EVER be offended in your mum , .I am tired of typing ..you can send me an email so we talk better
Talk to God and leave that house too.
DeleteI can't give you any advice because you are over 30 and I think you and your mum needs deliverance ;)
DeleteSweethrt, ur story reminded me of someone in d Bible- Jabez. His mother named him Jabez meaning 'sorrow' .
DeleteBut instead of Jabez to wallow in his mother's curse he got up and prayed to d God of Israel,
"Oh, that u wld bless me and expand my territory! Pls be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain! "
And guess what? And God granted his request and this Jabez became more honorable than his brothers!
1Chron 4:9-10
Do you know why it prolly seems ur mom's curse is affecting u despite ur church going, God-fearing personality? It's becos u believe her.
Whose report do u believe:God's report or ur mother's? Search ur hrt.
Until u stop believing her and turn to God in faith like Jabez did, ur problem will remain unresolved.
So dear, do what Jabez did and watch God change ur story. STOP believing wot ur mom said and another thing:learn to forgive her and pray for her. Give it time. Get rid of every weight and sin that offers d devil a foothold/legal ground of operation in ur life.
If u need someone to talk to or pray wd u feel free to in box me. I am really touched by ur story.
As God lives, He will make all things beautiful for u.
~mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com~
Is time to go to your maker.
DeleteHe is the great porter n you are the clay,tell him to remould you.....he will be ever willing to do that.
Hmmmmmm
DeleteGod dey!
Hope you will see this. Can u do me a Favour. Please go to winners chspel and buy a wofbi bcc form if you really want to hear from God. Nb:the only way you can hear from God is through his word, the bible. Read it daily. It will bring light to you in a short time coz my dear darling. No amount of cries can make you hear from him, he doesn't need your tears. He needs ur commitment in reading his word. Remember in ps1 he says that he that studies the bible day n night is like a tree planted by the river side that can't wither. Further more change your mindset about you. Start thinking positive. Think life, good heth etc. try and build your self esteem. With all this said hun. Know we love u here n can't lose u to suicide. God bless u
Delete*sad sigh*
ReplyDeleteSweethrt, ur story reminded me of someone in d Bible- Jabez. His mother named him Jabez meaning 'sorrow' .
DeleteBut instead of Jabez to wallow in his mother's curse he got up and prayed to d God of Israel,
"Oh, that u wld bless me and expand my territory! Pls be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain! "
And guess what? And God granted his request and this Jabez became more honorable than his brothers!
1Chron 4:9-10
Do you know why it prolly seems ur mom's curse is affecting u despite ur church going, God-fearing personality? It's becos u believe her.
Whose report do u believe:God's report or ur mother's? Search ur hrt.
Until u stop believing her and turn to God in faith like Jabez did, ur problem will remain unresolved.
So dear, do what Jabez did and watch God change ur story. STOP believing wot ur mom said and another thing:learn to forgive her and pray for her. Give it time. Get rid of every weight and sin that offers d devil a foothold/legal ground of operation in ur life.
If u need someone to talk to or pray wd u feel free to in box me. I am really touched by ur story.
As God lives, He will make all things beautiful for u.
~mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com~
Madam, leave ur mother out of ur problems. U are 30. U should be married with 3 children by now. Maybe u should check ur character.
ReplyDeleteShout up n concentrate on ur messed up life james
DeleteWho is this fool? If u have nothing to say plus shut the hell up. Btw young lady the years of verbal nd emotional abuse you have suffered at your mother will need counselling for you to get over. See a psychologist, they will help u understand yourself in a new light, see the good in you and build up the much needed self esteem. This may seem stupid, bt removed guys and marriage from your mind now nd focus on rebuilding urself into a strong confident woman. *Stan*
DeleteYou are a born by mistake I swear, a condom would hv avoided this mistake, animak@ James
DeleteEwu kambia, anuofia
DeleteShe is waiting for you to come and marry her. You silly thing. No little sense in your head at all. U should have your brain cleaned out.
DeleteBig fool. Ass wipe
DeleteWhy do you talk like dis? Ive noticed the way u comment on this blog and I must say, the thought of u being a real human is terrifying. May God help you.
DeleteSTFU u stupid fool. Must u always comment? Ur mother should have washed ur pregnancy away. Stupid child @james
DeleteInsane creature. Did you read the narrative at all? Ode! I must comment. GTFOH!
DeleteU are an idiot sir. Stop read wot she wrote then come back n comment. So any woman not married with 3kids at 30 as a bad xter. Wot a brainless being u re.
DeleteU are an idiot sir. Stop read wot she wrote then come back n comment. So any woman not married with 3kids at 30 as a bad xter. Wot a brainless being u re.
DeleteU are an idiot sir. Stop read wot she wrote then come back n comment. So any woman not married with 3kids at 30 as a bad xter. Wot a brainless being u re.
DeleteJames you are just a big fool. Idiot! Na bar beach breeze full your head! Ode!
DeleteU really ve a serious issue, no gud comment or advice. u shld check ursef too. Rubbish
Deletesomtimes I wonder if you write just to see people's reaction.take some things serious James.....pls
Delete...
By the time u people stop patronising and dignifying with ur replys then he'll receive sense. If I'm him (God forbid) I won't stop being stupid since I have fans.
DeleteAll of u running ur mouth must be above 30 and unmarried.
DeleteThis commenter is a jobless loser and the earlier you people started to ignore IT, the better for you people.
DeleteThank you Anon 18:56
DeleteNo,sorry James im happily married wit kids.u are brainless ignorant and foolish!i can percieve ur stench from ur post.u need deliverance to free u from the hold of ur evil grandmother.stels make I no find dis comment.james de bafoon
DeleteAnon 18:56 I agree with you. By d time he says rubbish and doesn't see any comment under his 4 1 week he wld disappear into obscurity. I hardly reply his comment except it is something I knw can kill a person if read by the wrong person in the wrong frame of mind. I am pleading again Stella pls and pls do not let sum1 kill demselves by publishing some of James comments ooooo. I don dey beg u since. U shld stop posting his bad comments especially wen the post is emotionally charged. Na beg I dey beg ooo. U won't knw dt d comment u posted was wat led sum1 to commit sucide. This is an anonymous forum and u don't knw who is who.
Delete@ James, men like you are the reason why I choose to remain single!!!!
DeleteSorry about all you're experiencing.
ReplyDeleteI doubt if talking to your mother will change anything so I'd advice you take it to God in prayers. Find a bible believing church if you don't feel too good with the one you are attending currently. Fast and pray until something happens.
I didn't see you mention school or work but let me assume you work, please get a little place of your own away from your mother for now. Do not quarrel with her.
You'd see how quick she will change when you are able to live away from hwe grasps.
You're beautiful and you're a gift to the world, don't let negative comments bring you down. There is someone out there who will be lucky to have you in their life. Hold on and believe in God.
Stop firing prayer and fasting and just do normal thanksgiving and praises. I promise that you will start feeling better about yourself. Your mother has psychological issues that she came to this world with and you are left with the options of either handling this situation logically or wasting away from church to church and dry fasting!
DeleteShe shud also try and get a place of her own.. Dt toxic environment wont do her good. Sorry dear, some mothers are terrible
DeleteFirst, our African parents know how to keep secrets which we may never find out about.What I mean is I have heard of cases where a child is a product of something that brings bad memories to the mother(its not an excuse) but these women pour their anger on these innocent children.Try and find out something somehow she can't hate only u except there's an unreasonable explanation.Also, u don't have friends who want to help u financially but don't u have friends who will help u with accommodation @ least? Don't u know being in her face is adding to the insult?
ReplyDeleteExactly my thoughts,I hv a feeling she isn't her mothers and fathers child. Maybe her mum had her from sum fling or sumthing. My dear, pls go and stay with ur elder sis if She leaves alone. If not, look for 1 of ur few frnds and stay with dt 1 for a while. U need to leave dt toxic environment. U shld also try and be more active in church. Join church grps. Wld help keep ur mind busy.
DeleteI actually tot so too
Deleteso sorry dear, i feel u should be more prayerful..ok It is well
ReplyDeleteOh myyyyyyyyy. I tot I was d only 1 o. My mum always called me a failure nd terrible hateful words. Until I had enuf nd started tlk in bck at her. My left eye Is almst blind due to too much slaps wen we r in d car nd she's driving. I told her I hate her several times. She held me Down nd my younger bro beat shit out of me. So many tins o. She knws I don't really like her anymre. I av reported at her church cod she's a deliverance minister. She went naked to curse my job nd d pll dat make me happy. I called her a witch wen I saw her do dat. I doubt ild Eva love her. My sister leave dat house nd pick up ur life.
DeleteOh myyyyyyyyy. I tot I was d only 1 o. My mum always called me a failure nd terrible hateful words. Until I had enuf nd started tlk in bck at her. My left eye Is almst blind due to too much slaps wen we r in d car nd she's driving. I told her I hate her several times. She held me Down nd my younger bro beat shit out of me. So many tins o. She knws I don't really like her anymre. I av reported at her church cod she's a deliverance minister. She went naked to curse my job nd d pll dat make me happy. I called her a witch wen I saw her do dat. I doubt ild Eva love her. My sister leave dat house nd pick up ur life.
DeleteOh myyyyyyyyy. I tot I was d only 1 o. My mum always called me a failure nd terrible hateful words. Until I had enuf nd started tlk in bck at her. My left eye Is almst blind due to too much slaps wen we r in d car nd she's driving. I told her I hate her several times. She held me Down nd my younger bro beat shit out of me. So many tins o. She knws I don't really like her anymre. I av reported at her church cod she's a deliverance minister. She went naked to curse my job nd d pll dat make me happy. I called her a witch wen I saw her do dat. I doubt ild Eva love her. My sister leave dat house nd pick up ur life.
DeleteSorry about the whole thing, you need God in all this because talking with your mum might not give the succor you want but Christ. There are people their mother never even curse but struggled with life situation without understanding why its happening so cast all your worry to him. Do everything you can to get job even if manageable one that will make you leave home and if possible leave alone till marriage comes, if you could get your self worth in school then you will do better staying alone without that your mum.
DeletePoster firstly,you need to leave the house for her...
ReplyDeleteDon't you have friends you can go to their house to chill for the main time?,,.
Secondly,you need a deliverance...
Who knows,you might be an ogbanje like your mom said!,..
Don't be scared cos most girls are possesed!,..
Go and get delivered mehn...
Don't believe any of the close minded comments like these or anyone else telling you your mother is the cause of your misfortune. If you did not do anything to offend God, she cannot affect your destiny. Anything happening to you right now is with the permission of God. You need to handle this problem in a very technical manner. You have prayed to God and he is not deaf. The ball is now in your court, you need to be creative.
DeleteHer mum sounds Yoruba so it's normal behaviour.
DeleteInstead of u to mix up with bad girls while in sch, u were fumming good girl, by now u wud ve had a man who wud foot ur bills, u are old enough to live on ur own, am here to tell u d truth, I doubt if dat woman is really ur mother, if u want to tie ur destiny to ur witch of a mother Na u sabi, go d bad girl way since to be good girl no epp.
ReplyDeleteWhy does she need a man to foot her bills? I hate wen women reason like this.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDid I just read suicidal thoughts?
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me? U are able bodied. With no terminal illness and u are talking suicide. OK.
Dem no dey sell ota pia pia or Sniper for your area?
Only the mother knows the father of her kids. The circumstances of your birth should not be an issue. Trust God and you'd find love.
ReplyDeleteYou have to love yourself, don't let whatever you have heard be your driving force.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful and made in God's image.
Pray hard and tell God to rewrite the story of your life.
Walk around with smiles and laughter, declare positive things into your life each day. Sing uplifting songs.
Then sit your mum down and talk to her calmly, and tell her that if you don't turn out well, she would bear the shame.
Wish you dropped your contact, so we could talk. God will never leave you dear.
E-hugs.
You need to talk to your mum first and let her see reasons why she should stop. You also need to move far away from your mum if possible, give her some space and see if she will change.
ReplyDeleteYou need to be closer to God, talk to God about your situation, suicidal is not the best option. God will surely show you the way out. Hold unto God, forget about your mum, someday she will need you.
Move far away from your mum for now pls.
Poster, please listen to me. You can NEVER survive in a toxic environment. No way!
ReplyDeleteCould it be that she's not your biological mother that's why she treats you that bad? Even if you weren't, people take in strangers and treat them well for heaven's Sake, so what is her problem?
Please cut her off! Don't even love her from a distance, sever ties with her completely! Save some money and move out from that house. She could be the reason for your misfortunes, and I don't mean by what she Says to put you down, but spiritually too. Abeg cut her off.
And learn to pray, that thunder should fire spiritual strongholds from your family, be it paternal or maternal.
Please, nobody should come and say "blood is thicker", bla bla bla... what kind of dirty blood?
Family isn't always blood. There are outsiders I confide in, more than my own family. Yes! The loyal ones do not always have to be family.
Tired of typing poster. All the best!
Dearest poster, this advice is so toxic. I'll let you know what to do. First, you must have a personal relationship with God. I'm not talking about parasitic relationship of do this or give me that. He gives so much peace if you truly know Him. Secondly, believe in God's report for He says that you are wonderfully and fearfully made. Start loving yourself and placing some self worth to yourself. Thirdly, you might want to leave that environment for sometime but you must return to your mum to bless you. It might not be an easy feat but remember that with God, ALL things are possible. Hang in there cos you are a success story and the Lord created for a purpose which must be fulfilled. Much love.
Delete@ Ezinne, the advice aint Toxic, its called REALITY. Someone that talks down on her,sees u as good for notting Child, pures curses on her, turns her self-esteem to 0% is not a Mother. She noticed since she was 6yrs. Pls remove 6 from 29yrs daz 23yrs of mental abuse from her 'Mother'. Everytime, pray, pray, go n Pray, God answers prayers Yes, but u gatta take a Leap of Faith and ACT! Trust God for Divine Direction. @ writer. Leave the house(she talks down on u becos she sees u all the time), discover your talent, start small till u get a job (if u still want to) Do everything Genuinely Possible to Succeed...believe u me, your mother will sing a 'new song'. Don't forget 'The stone which the builders rejected, the same will be the Chief corner stone...
DeleteYou need to summon courage, sit your mum down and TALK to her. To do this, you have to put fear and every other thing that scares you aside. I have a feeling she's not told you things you need to know about yourself and trust me, if this is the case, you cannot make progress. I'm not certain this has gotten anything to do with spirituality but the first step is talking to your mom. Ask her why you are like this? Why she treats you this way? Why you are not making progress in any aspect of your life, I believe that one thing she needs to tell you will connect all of your life puzzles.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart.
Tackle gini with her wen she is busy abusing her daughter upandan?
ReplyDeleteThere is power in tongue, talk more of one uttered by your own mother.
Pray to God to visit your mother first cos it seems she is the beginning and end of your problem.
Then buy a nice gift and kneel down for her blessings.
Pls before that pray if necessary fast before meeting her the the gift.
Some mothers shaa.
Its u against the world!!!believe in yourself don't let her words get to u always be happy,go out & meet people,if possible participate in SnM it is well with u E-hug
ReplyDeleteChronicle has landed.opens totoh
ReplyDeleteMy advise for you is to start dressing sexy.. .I mean showing cleavage. .It works my dear
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle 'reads' familiar.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you need to move out of her house.
No man will find you attractive when you have all these hanging on your neck.
You need to start making ends meet by yourself
Go out and hustle your way to greatness
You'd be shocked your so called mother would crawl back, asking for forgiveness.
You are in charge of your life, take control of it.
If you die a miserable young woman. It is your fault.
You'll be blamed here on earth and even in heaven.
You are educated for crying out loud
Don't allow your mum's excesses mar you from fulfilling destiny
No one cares how you made it, just make it!
I think you need to talk to your mum about how you feel.
ReplyDeleteLEAVE THE HOUSE
ReplyDeleteYou need a new distraction in ur life ASAP, be it a Job, Boyfriend, Friend with benefit, Adventure.... something to take away ur depression & set your sanity compass facing North, from ur narrative, something really exciting hasnt happened to you in a looong while. Look for a distraction dear, before she drowns you with her acid words. Look within you, the power lies in you.
ReplyDeleteWe humans too often underestimate our capability, whatever brand shes labelled you from birth, trust me, it shouldnt define your future, trust me i know alot about redefining oneself, its a personal decision.
First step is to develop a thick skin.
come here *hug*
ReplyDeleteSee what you will do.... First, you have to leave that house. Yea I mean it. It's not gonna be easy, it's not gonna be a smooth ride. But in the end you will be better for it. Do you have anyone ANYONE you can open up to? Even ur pastor or pastors wife? Tell them how you are feeling and how you want to avoid your mum and the rest of your family for a while. Take out your SIM card, don't contact anyone. Don't let them know what you are doing or any progress you are or aren't making. I think at almost 30 it's time to take some drastic measures and honey it starts now as in NOW!! Can you do that? Just take a a walk for a while. You need to clear your system of Thai negative energy.
Let me make it clear to you that your destiny is very great and the devil is fighting it through even your own mother. But if you commit suiicide you let him win. Do you want to do that? I know someone who was in a similar situation of rejection from family and it took isolation for him to have clear skies. Pls get away from that toxic environment fast!!
Also, as you are a Christian the bible says 'we shall be transformed by the renewing of our mind' my darling, you need to renew your mind. Unfortunately your mother polluted it at an early age. But you need to ask the holy spirit to give you strength and wisdom to forge ahead. Surrender it all to Him. He needs to remove every toxic and negative proclamation over your life. A causeless curse can't stand. Please hold on to God and move away from everyone and everything for a while.
I wish I can get your contact...
Very sound advice from a brilliant lady I want to be ur friend.
DeletePoster pls take this advice. Leave that house and go and sleep in a church if u hv too. Make sure u take out ur SIM card so u can gather ur thoughts and actions well.
DeleteNa wah! Some mothers tho.
ReplyDeleteGo n be a second wife to any man willing to marry you.
ReplyDeleteMy darling your are beautiful and a blessing to you generation, pls don't try anything stupid with ur self, pls fine time go to prayer city and do the weekly deliverance because you have to pray against all those curses she has put on your head when you come back buy smthg nice for her go on your knees beg her and tell her to pray for you. My dear you did nothg wrong o but just beg her. There's an adage that says pe were ni oko iyawo ko je ki a RI one lo. May God intercede for you. Hugs
ReplyDeleteyou need some time alone poster, get a place of your own and start afresh. You will find happiness soon. Nonetheless, do not be rude to your mom. She is still your mother no matter what!
ReplyDeleteI pray for you to find inner peace. Amen
U quarrel with your mother almost everyday over little things.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me?
U exchange words with your very own mother? I put it to you dat u don't hv good manners. U are stubborn . U don't hv respect. Dat's why ur mum treats d she is doing. How would
you feel if ur own child exchange words with u every day?
What of your boyfriends?
Na your mother dey tell them to run away also?
Please amend ur behavior cox it is nothing to write home about.
Once you become a good nice obedient girl. Ur mother and everyone will love you.Correct men will want to marry you
Start being happy. Put on smiling and happy face. No Company or man will want to employ or marry a sad unhappy suicidal woman.
Pls James I beg u in d name of God pls don't comment and make a person feel worse than before. Pls, u are forming blunt but do u knw how hurt this girl may feel. Even if she has a bad attitude does that mean her mum shld treat her like this. Pls James it is not evry post u must comment on. Pls. Poster I take God beg u ignore this mental patient.
DeleteGo nd talk to ur mother ohhh!!! This is bad!! You have to hv a hrt to hrt chat wt ur mom, maybe she ddnt mean those words she cald u wen u were growing up, but dat doesn't justify wat she did to you, but then our mothers were just like us once,u need to air this out wit her forgive her move on, stop feeling depressed hun,life ain't that serious if u ain't in a relationship it's bcos u hvnt opened ur hrt to one!! Try dressing up nd going out...Notin is wrong wit u, we just hv Plenti irresponsible men that wants just the cookie, be gud hun
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. You need 3 things.
ReplyDelete1. Boldness
2. Financial Independence
3. Distance.
Stella, even if she talks to her mother or call Jesus Christ and Mary to talk to her, what will happen is that she will change temporarily, then go back to her old ways.
poster, you need to anticipate her "episodes" and put on a bold face when she is talking to you. Dont even blink, no mumu ode crying. I was a professional cryer too but I had to stop. Be very diplomatic with her. Good morning and good night ma. Dont worry about any curses jor, they just say it to intimidate someone. Do you have a relative in a far town or a friend you can trust to live with? Tell mum youre going for job interviews and dont come back home. Tell her youre busy job hunting in the town youre staying in.Or some change that you can use to do some buying or selling? Like moving from office to office or universities to sell.
You need to overcome that bullsh*t victim mentality and start thinking of creative ways to get your life together.
My own mum said worse things to me. She once told me that if I die she wont miss me. I have seen her only once in 4 years and she was the one who had to fork out millions in flights to come to see me. The last time we spoke, she was begging me to call her at least once in 2 weeks. Place your phone number or email address under this comment.
One: Put physical distance between you and your mum. There's always a way. Find one.
ReplyDeleteTwo: CHEW HARD on the Word of God. Meditate on Ephesians and Galatians for a start. There are awesome promises therein for you to allow to sink in. Develop a romance with God. For real! He's been talking to you but you need the Holy Spirit to clue you in. Let Him heal your mind. Talk to Him and pour it all out. Give Him your anger, pain, hurt and emotions. I literally sit in a chair and put an empty chair in front of me and just TALK to Him. I also cry if the situation is overwhelming (to Him). God is not just some white-bearded old grandpa in the sky. He hears you.
In addition, if you talk in tongues, it's one of your greatest weapons; use it. Best of luck. E-hugs
The first step is to leave that house, The second step look for a mountain and talk to God about how u feel, Third step leave it at his feet and change your confessions and be positive.....If you feel your mum doesn't love u, God is crazy about you!
ReplyDeleteHaving a mum that is toxic is a challenge my dear. She is ur mum it's just that she is toxic. Bad mouthed and never satisfied. My dear I understand. You have to find your happiness. Go out there and live your life,make friends,sleep out,go for functions,get urself a man, work on your self esteem.surround yourself with positive vibes n remove the negative.get yourself a job or learn a trade,make sure u leave the house everyday,spoil yourself with clothes,shoes,make up,goodfood,anything you like. Don't listen to her negative words or action. Don't fight her oo.I understand how you feel. You r responsible for yourself,so make urself happy. E hugs
ReplyDeleteHmmmm..... feels like I was reading about myself. We're exactly the same age, and I have had similar struggles. But I learnt early enough to stop telling people about my plans. Babe don't worry, just have the mindset that what will be will be. It will help you fight the depression. One thing is certain, this will not continue forever. I am married now, I got married at 29. Be encouraged, it is well.
ReplyDeleteHi Poster,
ReplyDeleteAbeg don't rush to leave and don't make hasty decision, just bone her. Don't stop performing your duties towards her, just believe God more and trust in him. Close you ears when she starts, just try and form a bond with God. I can tell you God speaks and loves us than our earthly parents or family members. I experienced same while growing up at a point I took them as just people and don't expect anything from them, so when they start their wahala I don't feel bad, imagine when conductors start troubles with you, you just walk away. That was exactly how I took them, yes it affected my relationship with people because I don't believe in people neither do I believe in keeping friends. But I believe in the highest being that is God, he talks to me and I talk to him right back. He directs me , even when I don't close my eyes to pray he listens. So poster don't push yourself too hard believe in yourself and form that bond which is supposed to be for your mum with God. You will thank me lerra.
You need an angel honey
ReplyDeleteOya come and collect hug
Cases like this happens if the mother was raped she would bring up that child in hate hmmmm..#E hugs# It is well with u my dear. God has good plans for u. If u aren't born again surrender your life to him and become a worker in your church. Am sure God has good plans for u..i will advice u to move out of your parents house and stay with a friend and pls do a family meeting and have a heart to heart talk with ur mum.
ReplyDeleteFind a job out of ur present location and give her space
ReplyDeleteHmmm I have been there, its so easy for us to say DEVELOP THICK SKIN bla! bla!! bla!!!. I understand how you feel but you know what at a time, I became a very aggressive person but as the years go by, I Realized that I just had to work myself and prove to him(dad) that I can be a better person . My advise is Please see a psychiatrist/counselor (I Recommend Aunty Landa of Inspiration fm)and also see if you could talk to a family member that your mum respects a lot to talk to ur mother and tell her how she hurts you .. pour out your mind everything if possible cry ( it has a therapeutic effect) and you need to boost your self-esteem and learn to love yourself , men can smell a girl that has a very low self esteem that is why that is why they can offer sex to think they can ''appease'' you. You have to build yourself again and love yourself. you know what I did and I think u shuld try it. stand naked in front of a mirror and keep saying '' I am fearfully and wonderfully made, when God created me he said this is good'' it would boost your esteem. love you dearie ** kisses** ** am off on a mission with 007**
ReplyDeletePlease go straight to your mother and ask her who your biological parents are... that you demand to know or everybody is going down with you. Her resentment towards you is not ordinary.
ReplyDeletePoster,it may be that your mom isn't your biological mom or there may be a very strong reason why she is acting the way she is. Try to find out from your father's brothers because she may not want to tell you.
ReplyDeleteYou are seriously becoming a product of the things she has been saying about you because there is power in our tongue but I want you to know that you can break free from every negative curse or comments from her lips.
Run to God my sister. Fast and pray that any negative words she has spoken against you will not determine how your life will be. God will show up for you. The name of the Lord is a strong tower,the righteous runneth into it and is saved.
If you are not working,try to get a job or learn a skill that will be keeping you out of the house most times and when you have gathered enough,pls rent a place.
Each day,speak positive words into your life dear poster. You are blessed and you have a glorious destiny in christ Jesus.
You didnt mention your dad. Wheres he when all these are happening
ReplyDeleteQueen and boss seems a lot like James. Could they be one and the same person?
ReplyDeletePoster try and gather some money buy a few gifts for your mom, present it to her and have her pray blessing on you.
ReplyDeleteAfterwards you go for deliverance and leave her house for Good, even if it means squatting somewhere or with someone for starters do it, I repeat Leave her house .
Do this and watch out how your life will turn around for good.
I wish you well.
Leave that house...thats the first step then make your own money she will calm down.been in het house adds to the hate.waka comot na her go find you come.
ReplyDeleteYou need to make mega money and watch your story change. We are of the same age and in the past, i felt same way about my mum, but now we are best of friends.
ReplyDeleteBeep me let's talk, i get husband for u. Pls don't be suicidal. Lets be friends!
As soon as any human being realise they can hurt you with their words, they don't stop. Poster, God hears your cry and HE is working out things for you. Resolve to do some meaningful with your life, resolve within that your mother cannot break you anymore, smile and if possible laugh out loud whenever she starts her episodes. Let your happiness stem from within by confessing God's word over your life. As for your mum, keep praying for her. God will give you a new song soonest
ReplyDeleteFirstly find time to talk with your mother and let her know how you feel with the way she treats you. My dear God sees your pain and he knows too All you are going through! Try to love yourself and speak positive things to yourself, with no time.. Something good would turn out right for you.
ReplyDeleteHello Poster,
ReplyDeleteHaven't commented in a while, but I had to so that I could encourage you
I had the same experience growing up.
I was the last child and I felt so left out and coupled with my mother's constant abuse. I felt so so bad.
You know what I did? I told myself that I must succeed and become the opposite of who she says I'll became. Somehow I joined my friends in attending their Pentecostal church and it surely helped me, hearing words that said 'I was thehead and not the tail' and singing declarative songs that assured me that my life will turn out well.
My dear, today I am happily married and even before then, they started putting pressure on me as well, my mum and big sisters. Itell you dear, I am married to one of the best guys out there and I am very very happy and he is very successful as God will have it.
SO WORK ON YOUR MIND. That's where the real battle is fought and won.
SOrry for the epistle. See your priest or spiritual leader for counselling, attend mid week services, read books and you'll feed your mind with the right things. You will see changes.
I LOVE YOU SIS *HUGS
- ME
my dear I fet for u, but my advise here is u shld leave ur parent house and look for somewhere else to stay, totally surrender ur life to jesus Christ and look for a bible beliving church to be attending.i can invite u to living faith church a.k.a winners chapel where u will b receiving the word of God dat will empower u to fight the devil back.
ReplyDeleteis this James sick or what? Nigga sounds pained!...
ReplyDeleteBabe leave that house for your mother and learn how to pray with all your heart.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, ur story touched me n don't forget to read the story about jabez @ (pure inspiration). You ate fearfully n wonderfully made.the things we face here on earth are not even about us. It's about God when you truly understand the bible because we live on his promises. God has promised us good life and every blessing you can think of. He has called us blessed but you need to exercise that and believe. May God's love manifest in your life. You will only overcome if you believe
ReplyDeletemy dear when last did u fast with all ur heart,cry to God in fasting and prayers always.and u will begin to see the goodnes of God in ur life that you will not remember if ur mother exist.
ReplyDeleteI had to comment to clarify some things.She is my real mother because I look like her a lot and we could be mistaken for twins.i just dont know why she doesnt seem to like me despite that, it is quite painful.i feel like a cursed child.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel like that, just disappear for a while, let her miss you, ignore her calls if u can and focus on your life above all seek God continually.
DeleteSorry! My mom was like that in 2013 when my sis got married and gave birth. Sometimes she wouldn't let me carry my niece. She treated me like shit because my sis was married and I wasn't. She said I wasn't serious in my prayers to God for a husband and I have a bad heart. And my sis felt like she married Prince charming.(He turned out to be a manipulative wife beater).She said all my mates are married and I should get out of her house. She took the key from me. I left and slept in my friend's place. She kept texting me throughout the night I was away. My brothers and sister called me I refused to pick. When I got home the next morning her eyes were swollen. Obviously she cried through out the night. Since then she has been behaving. Once in a while she says somethings but retracts them. Let her miss you small. I don't blame my mom though. My dad abandoned us.So she takes out the frustration on us. It will be okay. E-HUG
DeletePlease start being obedient and watch her change.
DeletePoster pls quietly pack ur load and leave the house. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Just go and sleep in a church if u hv no 1 to stay with. 1st of all I wld advice u consider ur self an orphan. What wld u do if u didn't hv a roof over ur head? U wld start to struggle to survive. So start that struggle now. Believe u are alone and a God created u for a special purpose. Pack ur things and go to a church where u knw no 1. Start afresh there. Preferably Anglican or Catholic Church or any of the old generation churches. U wid get help from there. God made u special. U dont need to listen to d negative words from her. Forget u are a graduate, look for any small job and do. From there u wld see urself picking up without ur mum arnd u. What do ur siblings say concerning her behavior?
DeleteLeave that house. Find a friend to squat with.
ReplyDeleteI am just afraid that you may grow up and become like your mother, to avoid that, leave that house. Love her from a distance.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Hey Poster,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how you feel. I grew up with my mum talking down at me(I had brother o, but na only me dey suffer). The thing is she didn't know any better, her mum did same to her( I guess they had to pick one child to torment). I struggled with depression for a long time. made me not know my worth and I rushed into marriage(totally regret it now). but I know now what not to do with my children, I have a daughter now and even when she is being naughty I know not to curse her because I want her to be the best in life.
Please hang in there and keep talking to God. Even if its 10years, you will hear from him don't worry. Join a fellowship if you are a christain, do things that make you happy, volunteer at a charity organization(I realized over time that making people happy helped me). God bless you
Leave your mother and rent your own crib,even though na "batcha".
ReplyDeleteStop telling men how badly your mother treats you and how miserable you are.Men treat women based on how women treat themselves!
If you don't have a job,look for one or start a petty business.
Being 30 and unmarried isn't a death sentence but being 30,single,jobless,miserable and sucidal is a huge problem!
Think positively and you will be fine.
Don't allow that to define you but use it as a tool to surprise her by working on your mindset, you have a God that can't fail.
ReplyDeleteGo to Daystar Christian Centre, the world of God through Pastor Sam Adeyemi will change your life.
ReplyDeleteStella please post my comment is not an advert
I think you should work more on your spiritual life and believe within you that you are a perfect being because I know God has a reason why your going through all these
ReplyDeleteMy dear i share same story as urs. But I realized when I was 16 that i had only one way out i:e to be intimate with God, as i write to u know am confused abt the man to settle with cos God made me choose and am just 23 a graduate earning 6 digits " no lies". God and success z the only thing right now that can get u on your feet. Men will follow suit,no be mouth na reality.
ReplyDeleteMy dear i also have the same issue as yours. I was 16 when i realized that the only way out was to be intimate with God. I am 23 a graduate, earn 6 digits and am even confused about my dream man cos they came in a way that God made me choose. Sweetheart the only thing that can get u on ur feet is God and Success, then watch & see how men will follow suit. A key word for you even when u drink garri drink am like Queen Elizabeth and Neva appear timid
ReplyDeleteYour mother has narcissistic personality disorder and this has a tremendous impact on the children. Just google children of narcissistic personality mothers, everything you've described is there. My boyfriend helped me to realize this was the cause of many of my self esteem issues and lack of confidence.
ReplyDeleteYou need to get away from her and build your own community. If you go to church become a worker (choir, usher) anything, volunteer at an orphanage but whatever you do make sure you are regular so you can meet humble people and have a support group.
All is well. I have a long journey ahead of me but slowly I am rebuilding my confidence. You cannot do it alone and it will be tough to do while living with your mother. If you can't leave try to ignore her. Do not give her the attention. She will poke and prod but don't listen. There is nothing wrong with you!
First off am sorry you are going through. Here are the steps i will like you to follow
ReplyDelete1:cry,cry and cry hard for all you lost,the pain and the shame you went though,the anger of who you really are that has been buried by your mothers harsh words.when you have no tears left
2: enough yourself and pray for release,forgiveness for yourself and your mother
3:talk to your mother from the depth of your soul
4: put some considerable distance between you and your mom
5: Start the process of loving yourself first,you cant give what you dont have, go to programs and events on your own,watch movies and join groups and find sincere friends.
All these will not happen in a day but with God on your side, you will come out of this renewed. God got you.
I just want to encourage you. All hope is not lost. Begin to feast on the word of God day and night. Read the old testament. You will be amazed at God's faithfulness to His children.
ReplyDeletePrayer is the key you need to open locked doors and this key is in your hands. You don't have to buy it or go out to get it. Lock yourself up in the room away from mom's prying eyes and get on your knees.
Also make sure that you are doing your own part in terms of job search.
Have you been to the hospital for your health issues? Read up as much as you can about possible solutions. Wish you all the best dear. It shall be well with you in Jesus name. Amen.
Firstly, you need to face your fears.Whenever your mom says any negative words to you, reject it immediately in her presence and stop crying for her.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, take those tears to God in prayer and see him do wonders in your life.
Finally,for your personal growth,stand in front of your mirror and say positive words to your self.Do it every morning and every night. Remember that Jesus loves you.
My darling, your story got me heartbroken. A mother's natural instinct is to protect and nurture her child or children. Not doing so is going against the natural order of things, I wonder if she suffered some kind of trauma when she had you because you say she isn't that way with your siblings. Everybody has a story and there's always a reason people act the way they do.
ReplyDeleteIt's possible she had you for another man and seeing you reminds her of her indiscretion. Perhaps something more sinister and dark took place during your conception or delivery. Like the saying goes "hurt people, hurt people". Most people who hate themselves or are miserable and misery loves company so they have a way of projecting their misery on others. They feel better with themselves each time they bring others down with their words or actions.
Sweetie, only a mother can do that much damage to her child. All the negative words you've heard all your life has helped shaped you into the depressed young lady you are today. You've been emotionally, mentally and psychologically scarred. Perhaps, spiritually scarred too. Your brain has been programed to believe all the negative things your mother said/says about you.
This is a dire and highly sensitive situation which calls for intensive psychological and spiritual counselling to re-programmed your mind, which will go on for years. You can't fix what has been broken over a period of 29 years, overnight.
Honey, you can never have a loving relationship with any man unless this problem has been tackled. How can a man find you attractive enough to build a steady relationship with, when you feel you are worthless and would amount to nothing? Which man will respect a lady whose esteem is so low that she will do anything just for him to show the slightest affection or allow him get away with murder just so he won't leave her?
The reason you have never had a serious relationship is, your mind has been programmed to believe you don't deserve a good man so, invariably, you get involved with a man and you don't care to set boundaries or define what both of you are involved in. If a guy sees that he can get what he wants from you without the commitment that comes with "name tags", why will he bother to be in a relationship with you?
It will be difficult for a man to be interested in a lady who isn't interested in herself. You are giving off very negative vibes and that will chase good men away and attract the unserious ones who want casual stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou have to renew your mind, sweetheart. No amount of prayers will work if your mind is clamped up. If you don't believe in yourself, how can you have faith that God can turn your life around and change your story? There are curses and demonic possessions and interferences but in some cases, the fiercest demon tormenting that individual is his/her mind. That is why you should pursue counselling ferociously because your future depends on it.
Honey, your mother has messed up your life thus far but it's time to take charge of your destiny. Don't let her destroy you completely. Try to avoid her as much as you possibly can. Keep searching for job opportunities, preferably outside the state you reside in. Perish that mentality that nothing seems to work for you because you have bad luck. As long as you keep believing so, it will keep happening that way for you. You have to keep meditating on positive thoughts and you have to keep declaring them orally until you speak them into existence. Say words like "I am blessed and highly favoured", "things are working out for me", I am destined for greatness", "It is well with me" etc. You have to keep saying those words so you can gradually start believing them.
You have to be more prayerful too, God still answers prayers and He knows what you're going through and He loves you dearly. Pray to God to remove every trace of resentment towards your mother. Yes, I know. Ridiculous, right? But for God to fight for you, you can't harbour bitterness for any person who has offended you, especially your mother. It isn't going to be easy, it may take years to forgive her completely but start now. One day at a time, you will get there.
Please cheer up, my darling. God has the final say concerning your life. "Mummy dearest"'s words cannot change the amazing plan God has for your life unless you allow them to. Committing suicide can never be an option and no person, spirit or thing is worth condemning your soul to perpetual damnation. Sometimes the brightest futures begin with a gloomy past. You will come out of this a better and stronger lady. God will cause you to prosper and make your mother beg you for forgiveness one day. The stone that builders rejected has a way of becoming the chief conner stone. People with great destinies usually face a lot of challenges but they come out as masterpieces. Hang in there, my love.
#e-bearhugs.
James your comments are LESS THAN SMART!
ReplyDeleteSee there is nothing wrong with you, but there are a lot of things wrong with your mind. Your mum is toxic, very toxic. And she saw you as the victim to pour her toxicity on. What you need is a mind renewal process. Serious strongholds has been created in your mind and you know what? ONLY YOU can cast them down... but it will take some serious work. The begining is to put your foot down at your mum. You must say NO MORE to the flow of negative energy and information coming from her. And that might require you to move out of that environment completely. After that negative energy flow ceases, then you begin proper overhauling and reloading your mind with better flow of energy and information. It will be hard to do this alone, and it is a lot of SERIOUS work requiring mind skills I am sure you don't have access to now. I have been there and out... you will think all those negative feelings and beliefs can NEVER go away but sister, they can. The power of change will surprise you. They will not change overnight though but gradually.... gradually... gradually.... I can help you free of charge but you must be READY for to confront your deepest imagination, fears, beliefs and pains. With God, prayer, fasting, a new environment and relationship with new ideas, you will achieve an amazing real life change in due time. If you are serious sms on 080 5887 4528. I am in Lagos and I will take you through a step by step process. Cheers
ReplyDeleteOk. I don't do this comment thingy but I can't sleep because of you at 3am. And I would also be disobeying the prompting in my spirit. And would be a bad day for me.
ReplyDeleteFirst, you need to forgive your mother and yourself. You forgive her and love her anyhow, love her like 'kilode'. Let go of all the negative feelings. If possible, tell her you love her everyday. Don't expect a reciprocal response from her. Jesus said love those who hate you and do good to those who despisefully use you. He further asked what do you gain if you love those who love you. So you see there is reward for loving those who hate you. It is going to be hard but it works. I am a testimony.
You need to forgive yourself for hating you and for not believing in yourself. Pour all the love on you. To love yourself, get intimate with God, oh you will never know a greater love that God's. God will reveal His love to you in a place of intimacy, once you see God's love, you would love yourself. You will locate yourself in God. Hope this is not difficult to understand? Even God said even if a mother forgets her baby, He cannot forget you. How can you appropriate these words if you don't get intimate with your Maker. He made you, not your mum. Fall in love with God, so you can fall in love with yourself. You will see yourself, the way He sees you- very beautiful because everything He created was good. In addition, block your mind to negative confessions, counter them with positive ones. Renew your mind by words, God words and good words from your mouth.
Get busy, do anything you love- anything on daily bases including your hobbies. Washing dishes, cooking, giving alms, writing, reading,taking care of babies, any thing that puts a smile on your face. While you at it, try getting a job. If you can't get good one, try turning things you love into your job. Though it may not bringing you money but it will make you happy. On the long run, money will come. This is hard too but consistently doing what makes you happy betters your mood and your outlook in life. You will be affecting people positively. You will also attract people too. Who knows, your dream man might just be captured this way.
Becoming rich will not fill the void. Money will bring people close but you will know the reason they are close. Knowing people are close to you because of what you have will leave you empty.
Leave the toxic environment, but leaving the house does not mean you are caught off from your mum, you are connected for life. As long as you harbour bitters in your heart towards her, you will not make progress. It is not her curses or words that have held you down but your belief system and unforgiveness in your heart.
God loves you. He sees and feels your pain. He's got great plans for you and they will all come to pass. His thoughts toward are good and is to bring you to a great expectancy. E-hugs.