Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gist -Funniest Comment By A BV

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Saturday In House Gist -Funniest Comment By A BV

We are trying something else today.....You must understand that it is not easy trying to think up new posts,so please support the hustle...

Today we are looking for funniest comments ever posted by a blog visitor here...something that cracked you up and you can still remember or copy and paste.

.....Of cos there will be something to giveaway...I got distracted this week to announce a winner but again no be by force na.

LOL

119 comments:

Ms SSS a.k.a stunning slim shady29 April 2017 at 14:02
*spreads dollar crested rug*

.bring it on guys
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IsaacBABA ✌��29 April 2017 at 14:03
You all remember how I always make you laugh with original or copied jokes and gist every time abi

Oya start thinking of the funny ones and laughing so I can win lol

The best to me that bvs loved very much was about that short uncle my sister thought was my kid bro. 😂😂😂😂😂
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Ms SSS a.k.a stunning slim shady29 April 2017 at 14:04
Thanks @ fab mum: u r d best. I can now view pishures on my uc browser 😊
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Fehinty29 April 2017 at 14:10
During the first most embarrassing moment. A lady said she tried farting while making out with her then bf now hubby but na shit come out. I still laugh when I think about it.
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Cynthia Iyede29 April 2017 at 14:11
The comment that played in my head and also cracked me up so much is Chi Exotic's comment about her ex waiting for her while she had some goody bags with her.

The use of the word "Osondu" when she ran away leaving the bag behind was what cracked me up. I just imagined her running away like a 6 years old child shouting "mummy o" 😊😊
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Villager29 April 2017 at 14:11
One koment by Beeeefeee Piss-Mecca laidat wehn WNB woss steal boilin hot.... Wer e sayed sumtin abuot putin his big lung fat sumtin incide a ledys tite sumtin an ride her to clowd 9...

Eye Kant reely put eat as e sayed eat but eat woss way so fonni to me.
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BLOGLORD (MVBM)29 April 2017 at 14:12
This will be interesting.😁😁😁
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SARA29 April 2017 at 14:16
That fake queen and boss's comments always make me laff like crazy.
The person behind that moniker is a first class clown. Chai.

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Anonymous29 April 2017 at 14:17
My funniest comment ever was by Pealie. She made reference to those okada boys riding up and down looking for girls with their sperm smelling like fufu.I can't remember he exact words though .I miss some old BVs.
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Anonymous29 April 2017 at 14:19
This reply by fake Queen and boss to a bv got me rotfl..
Bv; first to comment
Fake Queen; last to get brain or sense
Omg just CNT stop laughing.
Then by Black berry;
He fuck
She fuck
He beats her
Don't I just luv u @bb?
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Xhlrted P™ (Charcuterie ‰)29 April 2017 at 14:20
It has to be Mrs D for me. She dropped a comment that Eucharia Anunobi's eyebrow was looking unto God, the Author and Finisher of her Faith. Hahahaha

I laughed hysterically that day eeh. I coughed for a whole minute and my Mum was around then, I showed her the post and she went like "ogii dôr, the Mrs D ga abu Onye Anglican Anyi( the lady must be a Protestant), the text strikes a chord. She is comical".
We laughed for long and I screenmunched it. So, yes. Mrs D.

Olivia silk too hammered a comment there. Click the link and read up.
Bvs are bae!

http://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2014/12/evangelist-eucharia-anunobis-new-photos.
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Anonymous29 April 2017 at 14:20
Packing to laff in Swahili..high on Senegal jollof rice
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Beloved #CHIVIDO 202029 April 2017 at 14:30
What's up my people

Elastic oya o come and make me proud. ...ou gat this na
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LEE7029 April 2017 at 14:33
I found this joke on the Internet, I don't know who is the author, but I find the joke funny. I copied and paste! If anyone knows who please kindly share!

Oya laugh small jare...lol. (not written by me...it's a joke)
I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a policeman, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it.
(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving...
Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.

Policeman: (Shaking)
Ah! You carry dog?

Me: (I bone face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense?

Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable)
Na where una dey come from?

Me: From hospital.

Policeman: Ehen! you sick?

Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.

Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now)
Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?

Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.

Policeman: The dog know you?

Me: Yes nah, no be my dog?

Policeman: (Sweating)
This your door, how you dey open am?

Me: How you take enter?

Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman's left ear).

Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anythin from you.

Me: How much you go pay me?

Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N1,000 dey wit me.

Me: You neva ready.
(I looked back at the dog).

Policeman: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N2,000. The oda N1,000 na my wife own, but I go give you join.
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be......g, Oga, sorry. Take the N2,000 make you open the door plssssssse!

Me: Oya, bring am. (I collected the N2,000 & allowed him out of the car)

Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!
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ES OH JAY29 April 2017 at 14:34
Shift make I join u with chinchin n coke
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Beloved #CHIVIDO 202029 April 2017 at 14:35
Make I go look for my sister's comment..she is the bomb.
We must bring the prize home
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OMODAMWEN EHIZOGIE29 April 2017 at 14:38
So one cannot comment while using opera mini?

It's ok,continue (in mama Peace's voice)
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Unknown29 April 2017 at 14:39
Kevin ooo
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Unknown29 April 2017 at 14:46
So I went to borrow iron from my neighbor, they told me to use it in their house. I was able to iron 3shirts and 2 pants.

Now they came to borrow mob from me, just because i told them to use it in my house, they are now keeping malice with me.

Have i done anything wrong?
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Oluwadarasimi™29 April 2017 at 14:51
A man married a beautiful girl. He loved her very much. One day she developed a skin disease. Slowly she started to lose her beauty. It so happened that one day her husband left for a tour.
While returning he met with an accident and lost his eyesight. However their married life continued as usual. But as days passed she lost her beauty gradually. Blind husband did not know this and there was not any difference in their married life. He continued to love her and she also loved him very much.
One day she died. Her death brought him great sorrow.
He finished all her last rites and wanted to leave that town.
A man from behind called and said, now how will you be able to walk all alone? All these days your wife used to help you.
He replied, I am not blind. I was acting, because if she knew l could see her ugliness it would have pained her more than her disease. So I pretended to be blind. She was a very good wife. I only wanted to keep her happy.
Moral: Sometimes it is good for us to act blind and ignore one another's short comings, in order to be happy*
*No matter how many times the teeth bite the tongue, they still stay together in one mouth. That's the spirit of FORGIVENESS. Even though the eyes don't see each other, they see things together, blink simultaneously and cry together. That's UNITY." May the Lord grant us all the spirit of forgiveness and togetherness*.
1. ''Alone I can 'Say' but together we can 'talk'.
2. "Alone I can 'Enjoy' but together we can celebrate
3. 'Alone I can 'Smile' but together we can 'Laugh'.
*That's the BEAUTY of Human Relations. We are nothing without each other*
The razor blade is sharp but can't cut a tree; the axe is strong but can't cut the hair.
**
Everyone is important according to his/her unique purpose,Never look down on anyone unless you are admiring their shoes
copied
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Anonymous29 April 2017 at 14:55
This is my gist but somehow painful
We were gisting about something when one of the guy brought how a story of how a girl came and tell some persons how 5 guys sleep with her from 7 still 1 o clock I was like God forbid it can never happen to me
We were only three person talking about that
1st guy: wouldn't you keep quiet you never jam guy
S
2nd guys:collect a guy money and eat without giving them what they need you will hear
Me: that's your own problem nobody can do that to me beside I don't eat people money
Few minutes later the first guy left remaining I and the second guy
We were still talking about the previous issues
When a car stop in front of us he it was someone I know
Me: hi
Guy: how is you
Me : good
Guy:what are you doing outside
Me: was here with some friends but I want to go and buy something now
Guy: come in let me drop you off to were you want to buy the thing
Me: don't worry I'm fine beside the place is not far from here
Guy: don't worry just enter
Me: I said I'm good
Guy: come in
Me: I turn to the guy that was with him inside the car and said talk to him that I don't need his help
In my mind I was scare because one of the guy that we were gisting with said that innocent people suffer this too if they ask you out and you don't agree they can do harm to you.
I left the guy with his friend to go and buy what I will eat he was still saying wait let me take you there I didn't answer I ask the guy that we were gisting with to accompany me the guy say no that he can't so as I was going I noticing someone following me I didn't might when I enter the woman compound that I wanted to buy something the place was kind of dark from my back a guy hold with his two hands on my breast
Me trying to push the guy away I couldn't because the guy was too strong it was the guy that was driving he stop the car somewhere just to come and do that
The guy said have been wanting you in my life you refuse I started shouting he left by telling me sorry for what happened I didn't meant to do that
When I reach my compound I couldn't tell anyone up still now
I'm still a virgin I have this pain of hate for guys that ask me to date them
I can only be your friend if you don't ask me to date you
I pray God forgive that guy I just wish to get over it
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Anonymous29 April 2017 at 15:04
I have always known I feature in God's best laid plan, but sometimes I feel like I am not one of the clan. I find myself wandering if he is really there, but then I remember that if he is not, then I would not be here. I know for a fact that without God, man is nothing, but then I find myself wishing he will show me something. I always hear people say, "One with God is majority", but for quite some time, I have been feeling like one of the minority. I guess I just have to keep on believing, I know with time I will start receiving.

I wrote this at a time when it seemed all hope was lost and I titled it MY DOUBTS. l look back now and know things can really turn around for better. I am not where I want to be, not by a long shot, but I am definitely making progress. Whatever the situation, always remember, this too will pass.
original

beaddazzled86 commenting as anonymous
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Mrs shantelle29 April 2017 at 15:11
We had a dog in the house dat always gave birth to funny puppies cos of the dogs she mates with so one day my cousin and I saw one very ugly dog around then she started cussing our dog,she was like ;this dog Na just stupid ashawo dog she no dey follow better dog if to say u be person u for yeye ashawo 5kobo. I was just laughing, so later that day we saw our dog and the ugly one mating. She started raining curses on the dog again and insisted this time u will birth ugly puppies again in this house,she went and bought postinor and dissolved it in milk and gave the dog to wash dat ugly dogs sperm. We were just laughing like how will dat even work.
Months dog was pregnant and my cousin kept threatening the dog that hope she slept some one better oh if not she will see wim in this house.

Months later I was told the dog gave birth after exams I came home only to see that puppies were just like that ugly dog we saw that day OMG. I laughed sooo hard I almost fell down.i called her and told her dat the family planning she did for the dog did not work ohh. She started cursing the dog again and said we better sell all the puppies plus their yeye ashawo mama before she reach house else she go carry go dash out.
Last last we manage sell remain one. When she came everybody was expecting her reaction when she saw the dog. Each time the dog passes close to her she will be like :comot for here, yeye. Lool
Like play that dog left home one day and never came back.everybody was on her dat she hated the dog and she couldn't take it and left.eventually the son she left behind died of old age.
It's been ages but we still about it.
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SUGAR.29 April 2017 at 15:12
Rumor has it that I am boooorrrreeeed!
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Anonymous29 April 2017 at 15:12
http://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2016/03/toke-makinwa-put-on-blast-by-her.html?m=1

One of my funniest had to be Quickie 's comment on the link above about selecting rice from Garri. I can't stop laughing til this day and I screengrabbed for reference purposes whenever am having a bad day 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
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Anonymous29 April 2017 at 15:19
OK,so this is my gist.when I was 16 in south Africa,my father gave me money for my fees.on the way,I and my buddy saw an advert for a lottery, the winner was to get a car in 3 days.It was awesome,so I used my school fees on it for me and my buddy.3 days later,they announced the winner,it wasn't me.I used up all the courage I had to report my self to my dad.he beat the shit out of me...more than I have ever been beaten all my life added up.the next day we woke up and there was a car parked outside our house.we all rushed outside, but oh no,it was the electricity people. They had come to cut us off,we hadn't paid the bills.my dad took me in and beat the hell out of me again. It was the worst two days of my life.now I think about the car parked outside and I'm like jeez
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Shyla29 April 2017 at 15:22
Biko Stella did you say people should start fabricating new stories to make themselves laugh? Abi I no read this post well sey na old comments? Na eh. This recession aburu kwa obele ife.
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Xhlrted P™ (Charcuterie ‰)29 April 2017 at 15:33
Ahaaa Stella Kork I forgot to add the midnight amebo. Linda Ikeji has said YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is goodnews with a tingling feeling.

You must come for the Igbankwu inugo. Sweep everything under the carpet. Gbahara. Rapu okwu.

Can imagine the look on their Mum's face.
#fulfilment
That awesome moment I picked the phone and dialed "Mummy there's somebody o" and I was blushing. Then she went like "akokwana! Onye ebee? Ok ok you book a flight and come let's talk with Daddy unu". Hahahaha. I can only imagine.

Congrats Linda. Go make your Mama proud.

Next is Rita Dominic. I know you all are reading. Yes. All of us are SDK bvs. Forgerrit.
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SHAKITI BABY29 April 2017 at 15:33
This comment has been removed by the author.
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Shandysleeks29 April 2017 at 15:34
Remember a wedding i went to :
It happens that the bride was dating one guy in a popular market in p.h but the guy hand never strong for money matters,but the girl's family are well to do, especially his brothers. There's this guy, his name is John (not real name),he is an opportunist. That is, he is always going for what will favor him, the type that won't spend money but likes to eat others. This guy (John) seeing that this guy from same market with him is dating the girl, decided to chuck head for their matter by going to ask for the girl's hand in marriage.
That was where kasala burst for this girl. 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
The girl is from Swansea, while the poor guy is from Imo State. Meanwhile John is Anambra .
The family started insisting that the girl marries John and leave the other guy because they are very sure he can be able to feed her, but baby girl refused because she is in love.
They begged her(odiegwu),the father, even the eldest brother that has soo much money, madam still refused (I'm really scared for her).
After all said and done, john now found another victim...oops i mean a girl that the father has small change. You know, john is like this type of men that vows never to marry a student because they can't be spending money training someone's child in marriage, instead they marry someone that is working so that she can be bringing money to the house, SMH.
John is now married, thank God.
So it happens that my Imo guy man decided to go marry her baby girl.
After the wedding, it was now time for the reception.
Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The worst happened, that is something she can never forget in her life. The worst to happen to any woman.
There's how this popular market people do in their colleagues wedding. When the bride and groom dances into the reception hall,the MC asks them to stand and call someone close to them to spray money on them before they can seat down. The husband called someone and the person sprayed him money till he walked to his seat and sat down.
Time for the bride,Mooooooooogggggggggggbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Normally, money was supposed to rain supreme on the bride, as a girl she is nau but......the reverse was the case.
Mc asked the bride to call someone!!!!
She called the eldest brother, he refused to come out (Gbege!!!) He was sitting there jeje, hmm.
Oya call another person, she called the second brother, gbege oooo, he refused to come out.
Ok just call someone else, she called the eldest brother's wife, a woman for that matter, she didn't come out too o.
People open mouth 😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰
You would think na Nolly movies o.
Oga Mc come see say kole werk, he asked her to now go and sit down. Naim most people take style go their house.
We come later hear say, they gave the groom Imillion naira check after the epic disgrace. I said SHAME on them. Medicine after death.
That girl is wounded for life, tufia!!!!!
Now the guy they were forcing her to marry don't even have shishi, very stingy thing, i think it's because he mostly wears plain trouser and shirt with.I know him ooooo

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Lyfe29 April 2017 at 15:43
This is from pipi Lee, one of the most embarrassing moment post, I had to google it up, twas so funny.
Here it goes:Just a fresh graduate, went for my usual short visit in my
uncle's place, had to attend their church for a programme, a
very big church and a theological institute too, so they have
students pastors there. I'm a regular visitor cos I always go
visit during short breaks /hols while schooling, so I wasn't
really a new face in church. They know me and know my
family (uncle's fam).
That particular evening, was feeling so spiritual, every altar call
I answered, until it got to the alter call for the fresh graduate's,
I didn't know it was for students pastors only, I stood up and
walked the long distance to the altar still in the spirit, the
bishop was talking, dishing out advice pertaining to ministry
works, that was odd, wetin concern university graduates and
ministry work; then he said start talking to God about your
ministry, the world you are about to enter, your mission to win
souls for God, commune with the holy spirit, it is time to draw
strenght from him, ghen ghen; then I opened my eyes and
scanned my immediate surrounding, saw ladies and guys
around me, all well dressed like evangelists and pastors,
women, heads well covered, shirts below their knees, no
makeup, no or simple earing, the blood of Jesus, I was wearing
a bodycon dress, very long braids with a strip of cloth I just
tied in a fancy way on my head, nails fix(not loud tho), makeup
fairly on point, God of mercy, who did this to me, they were all
speaking in tongues, some rolling on the floor, I was the odd
one out, was just thinking, what exactly will church members
be thinking, I look like the ogbanje sent to destroy their
ministry right. Anyways, God gave me the courage to
withstand the stares on the long walk down back to my seat.
Of cos my uncle's wife and cousins could not hold back
laughter and tears. All altar calls became suspicious from that
day onward.
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Lyfe29 April 2017 at 15:43
This is from pipi Lee, one of the most embarrassing moment post, I had to google it up, twas so funny.
Here it goes:Just a fresh graduate, went for my usual short visit in my
uncle's place, had to attend their church for a programme, a
very big church and a theological institute too, so they have
students pastors there. I'm a regular visitor cos I always go
visit during short breaks /hols while schooling, so I wasn't
really a new face in church. They know me and know my
family (uncle's fam).
That particular evening, was feeling so spiritual, every altar call
I answered, until it got to the alter call for the fresh graduate's,
I didn't know it was for students pastors only, I stood up and
walked the long distance to the altar still in the spirit, the
bishop was talking, dishing out advice pertaining to ministry
works, that was odd, wetin concern university graduates and
ministry work; then he said start talking to God about your
ministry, the world you are about to enter, your mission to win
souls for God, commune with the holy spirit, it is time to draw
strenght from him, ghen ghen; then I opened my eyes and
scanned my immediate surrounding, saw ladies and guys
around me, all well dressed like evangelists and pastors,
women, heads well covered, shirts below their knees, no
makeup, no or simple earing, the blood of Jesus, I was wearing
a bodycon dress, very long braids with a strip of cloth I just
tied in a fancy way on my head, nails fix(not loud tho), makeup
fairly on point, God of mercy, who did this to me, they were all
speaking in tongues, some rolling on the floor, I was the odd
one out, was just thinking, what exactly will church members
be thinking, I look like the ogbanje sent to destroy their
ministry right. Anyways, God gave me the courage to
withstand the stares on the long walk down back to my seat.
Of cos my uncle's wife and cousins could not hold back
laughter and tears. All altar calls became suspicious from that
day onward.
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EkaTre29 April 2017 at 15:48
I can't remember any, but queen and boss always crack me up with her comment, biko not the fake one oh
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PriscaEmpire29 April 2017 at 15:55
D story of d bird dat followed bv all d way from d abroad
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Flynn29 April 2017 at 16:06
Isaacson!!!
I remember that comment, it was so funny I took a screenshot. It said, "The most embarrassing moment was when my short uncle visited us. So at night, due to his shortness my sister carried him to urinate thinking he's my junior brother. The next morning he left with anger. Up till today we haven't seen him again."
I can't deal. Lmao.
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Unknown29 April 2017 at 16:15
Chysugar's comment about a friend's girlfriend that screams "scattter the pusy... tear the pussy" wen they have sex.
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Unknown29 April 2017 at 16:18
St frankool's comment on the uniport best graduating student they gave #250. He said (not verbatim) "dem for kuku give am 2 indomie and one egg na"
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RANDOM THOUGHT29 April 2017 at 16:48
*BREAKING NEWS !!!* lagos/ibadan expressway will be closed down as from 29th April 2017 to 3rd may. Kindly inform all your Contacts, Students, Corpers, and Motorists to take alternative Routes... *Reason: bcos I will be learning how to drive a trailer.* If u lyk vex, e no concern me.........

#copied
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St.FranKooL....29 April 2017 at 17:06
#The truth is never as painful as discovering a lie*
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St.FranKooL....29 April 2017 at 17:06
#The truth is never as painful as discovering a lie*
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Sir.Luwie29 April 2017 at 17:43
My neigbour was sick and invited a
native doctor warned him and he told
me that he can't. I pleaded with him and
begged him to wait for Gods time but he
refused (I leave am nah) he went
inside his house with the native doctor,
after the native doctor finised doing his
inchantment, he told my neigbour that
the sickness is incurable but can be
transferred to another person and my
neigbour greedily agreed, the native
doctor then told my neigbour that the
first person that will enter his house he
should shout "taarh" and the sickness
will transfer to the person and the
person will die, my neigboured agreed
and the native doctor left in a hurry
forgetting to collect his money for the
service he had offered. My neigbour sat
down in his parlour and kept his door
opened waiting for the first victim that
will pass through that door. The native
doctor then remembered that he forgot
to collect his money and decided to go
back and collect it. Immediately the
native doctor entered my neigbour
shouted "taarh" and the native doctor
shouted "retaarh" and my neigbour
shouted again "reretaaarh" the native
doctor replied "rereretaaaarh". This
noice started since morning and up till
now they are both shouting
"rererererereretaaaaaaaaarrrhhhh"
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Justyswt29 April 2017 at 17:51
I remember a comment made by TGW. Where her kids were singing children of God will u shout hallelujah. And one of the kids says shout hallelujah for 100 times. I laughed so much that day. It been long though.
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Sir.Luwie29 April 2017 at 18:23
Stello-lala biko d teeth of that smiley above is irritating *yuck*! Some girls will still kiss like that. Tueh!
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Unknown29 April 2017 at 19:44
This for me is the funniest comment yet, by our very own Kehinde Ake(I wonder where he is now... hmmm!) Anyway, he posted in a post "about most embarassing momements" I always go back to read whenever I wanna have a good laugh. Hope you likey?
It was the first time I was confronted with a live pussy. Healthy one. It was winking at me with slightly parted, pinky inner lips. I fearfully touched as if it is a wound. Na so the vjay yawn , open mouth for me. Is it suppose to behave like this? So I rewarded my curiosity by asking

Me : " e dey pain you? "
She: " why e go pain me? "
Me:" As e be like sore, I think say e go pain you "
She: (feigning anger, she covered her oputamia) "lekwe nsogbu o, make I cover my sore then".
That was when it dawned on me that I could lose the opportunity if I don't stop showing stupid sympathy.

Me: " Anwili m, no vex, I no know say na so e dey be ".

I did the North-South-East-West sign n sank in with caution. It was warm, huggy and so .... Moments later, I felt a heat coursing through the soles of my feet. Convulsion don dey hold me. It felt like I wanted to pee. I tried to pull out. She held my butt cheeks and was dragging me in. We were struggling.

Me: " Piss dey catch me, piss dey catch me"
She: "No be piss"
Me: "Na you get my body? "
She: "Oya piss put"
Me: "I no dey piss inside house" ( village restrooms are usually build away from the main house)
She: "Them dey piss for this kind house..."

That was when my water broke. It was the sweetest piss of my life as she had me buried in her 'house' Then she started laughing. Don't ask if she was way older than me.
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Diamond Stud29 April 2017 at 23:32
Can't remember any at the moment...
I dey come make i think.
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Amunidara30 April 2017 at 01:39
When Bloglord referred to a child minder as "childminer" the comments that day was epic!
#RipOluyomi
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Anonymous30 April 2017 at 14:01
It was this lady that was using an escalator for the first time. She was on a date with a guy she just met as they were going down the escalator she tripped and fell and the ice cream she was licking was all over her hair.
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Saturday, April 29, 2017

Saturday In House Gist -Funniest Comment By A BV

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