Stella Dimoko Commissioner For Women Affairs Says Many Women Are the Cause Of Domestic Violence...


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Friday, September 01, 2017

Commissioner For Women Affairs Says Many Women Are the Cause Of Domestic Violence...

Dr Lola Akande, Lagos State Commissioner for Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation (WAPA), on Thursday said that many women, by their actions, are the cause of the rate of domestic violence in Nigeria.

Akande, who was represented by Mrs Olushola Falana, Director, Women Development Department, WAPA, made the observation at a programme on Management of Domestic Violence, organised by the ministry in Lagos.

According to her, negligence, sophistication, misguided utterances, infidelity, use of abusive words and gullibility on the part of the women, are factors that drive domestic violence.

“It is no longer news that many women have lost their lives through domestic violence.

“The more we try to put the blame on the men folk, the more we will continue to turn blind eyes to the fact that many women are the cause of the domestic violence we see today.

“This is because we fail to understand some important aspects of how most men are wired.

“Some women also cause violence by using abusive words and misguided utterances that can provoke the men.

“But let me also state that a man who beats a woman is a beast, and does not deserve to live with humans.

“No matter how provoked you may be as a man, please, never raise your hand to beat your wife, ” she said.

The commissioner advised men and women to be understanding, tolerant and communicate more, to prevent violence in marriages.

Akande said the programme was organised due to Gov. Akinwunmi Ambode’s commitment to exploring all avenues to nip the scourge of domestic violence in the bud, and reduce it.

Earlier, Mr Praise Fowowe, Principal Consultant, Centre for Sex Education and Family Life, said that communication and dialogue should be explored to resolve family issues, rather than resorting to violence

Fowowe said that dialogue could prevent needless deaths from domestic violence as well as promote the dignity of humanity, where there would be respect for life.

“I commend the Lagos State Government for this sensitisation programme because awareness is key to making individuals who have temper issues to learn how to call for help and go for therapy.

“Men should desist from beating their wives, but see them as co-creators, help mate and friends, so, we can build a team-centred family, society and country, and create the nation of our dream, ” Fowowe said.

Also speaking, Mrs Oluwabukola Salami, Director, Lagos State Office of Public Defender, urged women to get empowered so as not to be liabilities to the men.

According to her, it will be difficult for any man to beat his wife when she is empowered and contributes meaningfully in the home.

Salami urged women who were in abusive marriages to report to appropriate agencies to get help and safeguard their lives.

She urged the public to be their brothers’ keeper, and report any form of domestic violence in their neighborhood.



  1. There's never an excuse for domestic violence. Your wife cheats on you or insults you. Please divorce her if you cannot forgive her but never beat her.

    1. The truth is if you can insult and cheat. With the mind of getting away with it. Den there is a problem. Truth is we all do things without daming the consequences. Even our God is a jealous God. Who then are we humans. And cos we are human, dats why most men cant control the anger nd results to DV. Women respect ur self and the world wuld be at peace.

    2. Anon 10.20...the trash u typed up there is the reason why DV is in the increase...u cant say dont hit a woman no matter what...u think everyone is the same...some will and some wunt...anyone that has the mindset of " dont hit a woman no matter what" is myopic in reasoning

  2. She is right. Domestic violence is bad. But in as much as we caution the man, asking if they will beat a soldier that insult them outside and all that, we need to caution the woman too. A woman that knows she is married to a man that is hot tempered should know how to bridle her tongue. Some women know the weakness of their husband and yet, they use it to bring out the beast in them. Although, there are some extreme cases, both sides should be cautioned against domestic violence.

  3. yes,they couldn't have said it any better,sensitisation is the key!

  4. #A lot of problems in the world would disappear, if we talked to each other instead of talking about each other*

    1. this ur quote no just followbat all...

  5. I don't see any excuse in domestic violence, divorce or walk away simple.

  6. I assume with the write up she's assuming that empowered women who contribute to the house are not battered, well it's not always so.

    I had once attended a clinic where the doctor attending to me had a black eye covered in make up.

    She was bending over and attending to me bt started sweating and I cud see the red eye very much.

    When she left the nurses where making jest of her that she's married to a monster who beats her.

    I have seen empowered women who contribute meaningfully to the home battered with blows from their husband.

    A violent man knows no brand of woman all he knows is to inflict pain.

    That been said women should always make sure that they find ways to diffuse anger in the home and not allow things escalate to her been beaten up.


  7. See the way she dissected what women do to make their husbands beat them but quickly pulled an about face. If you've got little or no patience and your temper can't boil water, please respect yourself and walk away. When the spirit if violence descends, walk the heck away! Only cowards beat women and we, women have a great deal to teach our kids - ALL our kids. If you tell your male child not to beat his sisters, no matter what happens, he'll grow with that. My nephew is the eldest child and only male. You'll see him in a corner sitting quietly when any if his sisters offend him. We understand him and know immediately that someone has annoyed him and handle the situation. If he sees it as petty, he doesn't report but on serious matters, he reports to his parents. Sometimes, his mum complains that he doesn't even scold his sisters. He's been taught from birth that it is not proper to beat a woman and he is already used to it. Let's stop being enablers of violent men

    1. 😍😍😍😍
      "Let's stop being enablers of violent men"

  8. There is no justifiable reason to hit a spouse. Everybody involved should caution themselves. Women caution yourself, man control yourself. But even if anger rages and mouth whines overboard, whine your own back and never hit just because you feel you are stronger

  9. I totally disagree with her and it saddens me that someone saddled with the responsibility of protecting women rights will say this. I am a victim of DV and I am far from what she described. 2 years ago, I was slapped for saying I was tired of always looking for new water dispenser bottles Because the women selling them will tell you they have neat bottles but when they bring them and I refuse to pay, they get upset. Note, I only said so after searching for 3days and were running out of water at home. 2 weeks ago, I was strangled and my back twisted because I left a pack of sanitary pad in my car. It wasn't used. New pack. It was not on the seat. It was in the glove box with a wig. It was not in my husband's car. It was in mine,that I got before marrying. All I tried to do was explain that I keep them for emergencies. After child birth, I stopped having cramps. My period just shows up and could be very heavy. I ended up in the hospital the next day. I had no scratch or bruise, yet my backbone and neck area hurt badly. His mother who stays with us insisted I was wrong and should just have said oh, I forgot. I was made to apologize . When I couldn't sleep that night, I read up about DV and realized all the blame game and control issues is just part of it. My husband denied touching me and his mum confirmed this to my mum. Now I understand how Mercy Angie's husband will deny touching her despite the CT scan.

    Let's be truthful, women don't our parents stop beating us after a particular age out of respect of becoming a lady? So why do men find it really difficult? Flash back to arguments we have with male friends or even guys amongst themselves, after all is said, it never ends in one party beating the other.

    Madam commissioner needs to understand that victims have already been made to believe they are the cause. We are constantly being reminded of how useless and worthless we are. We are called failures and compared to outsiders. We and depression are pallies and have lost our self-esteem. They say, nobody can ever put up with us. They say, we should be grateful for them tolerating us. Lol. Madam Commissioner, you really need to take a nap.

    1. Madam leave manage you are into this is not marriage, cos as far as am concern it gets worse over time

    2. Anonymous13:34, ndo, ekpele for what you are going thru @ the hands of an abuser. You wrote about your ordeal eloquently and honestly and there are many who empathize. But keep in mind, there are others who don't even know their rights to speak on these types of issues, including the Lagos Commissioner for Women Affairs. Clearly, she is promoting a revictimization of the victim mindset bcos, perhaps, folks like her are fearful of the oga for top that employs her after "certain considerations" must have been met in za oza room. You find characters like this almost everywhere, who call black, white and vice versa. What you need to start working on is your EXIT PLAN before that monster of a horseband snuffs the life out of you. NMTA

  10. Is this not Africa? One woman will always heap nonsense on the heads of her fellow woman to absolve the real criminals of blame. An abuser typically would not fight his or her boss, the bus conductor or the annoying sales clerk. They only bring their cowardice home to the spouses, siblings and unfortunately children and staff.

    Set laws in place and the abusive man and woman will cool their temper or cool their heels in jail.

  11. This is why some women have to walk on eggshells in their so-called marriage homes. They cannot object to anything or offer differing opinions, they cannot wear certain hairstyles or dress in certain fashions, have to only cook certain foods because argument will start and next thing beating happen, so they sit there as prisoners because someone like this bride of Satan will tell them if they say anything and get beaten it's their fault. Every weight is on the woman's back, if the husband cheats it's somehow her fault, if the kids don't turn out right, again it's her fault, if they having financial problems it's also her fault, if he beats her it's her fault, if they can't have children it's her fault, if they have only girl children again it's her fault. Better we become lesbians because no matter what a woman does it's never freaking enough and even other ppl's characters and tendencies is now her responsibility.

    1. The time is almost ripe for the realization that one is complete in oneself and by oneself in this our Naija. Neither is contentment to be sought in an unworthy man, by any measure, as most Naija women believe. Even more, I have a dream: it's a hard-won lesson women & mothers will teach the next generation of girls in order to safeguard their lives and raise their happiness level. So, help us God. QED@atm

  12. @Septemver 1 13:34..I wrote my comment before I saw yours, and you've asked a salient question, why do these men at home who are quick to hit and hurt their wives, why are they not doing the same to men close to them who they are in conflict with? It's because abusive men are naturally cowards and only have the strength for those who are weaker than them. My father was an awfully abusive man, and if another man came at him he was so quick to back down. I have even seen another man slap him in a crowd and he did nothing about it, at home though he showed his might because we were weaker than him. All abusers are useless cowards.

    If you have the financial means to then go your way and leave that man you call husband. That is no husband, who would hurt you because of a product that you need as a woman. That is the height of wickedness and worse his mother sides with him, but why wouldn't she it's her useless womb he sprung from. That man is sick in the head, but now you know you have no ally in that house, your eyes have been opened for a reason, so be wise as a serpent and move in stealth mode, but make a plan for you and your children's escape, just be an academy award actor until your appointed time comes.

  13. The commissioner was being realistic,lets try not to twist her words,she never said ALL THE WOMEN gets the men to the violent point,Iv seen men walking away from a verbally abusive and cursing wife,some women has no limits to insults when trying to drive home dia point.I will NEVER support DV as I know God will never allow me experience it but both men and women should learn to walk away at the point of heat before it gets out of control ........the key word is WALKING AWAY!

  14. Any man who hits his wife is a big fool. Some men are so sick in the head that u will begin to imagine if they are from this planet earth. A wife that cannot express herself freely to her husband without being abused. My I have seen some women that are gentle to a fault just to make their marriage work but the men πŸ™†πŸ™†. What some women go through every day just in the name of marriage. A husband that will sit with outsiders gossiping his wife with so much lies. Trying to paint her bad before them so that they will see him as a saint. That man is a demon personified.


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