Stella Dimoko SDK Blog Series -Meet The Inlaws - Story 4


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Thursday, December 07, 2017

SDK Blog Series -Meet The Inlaws - Story 4

This is a must read...Happens everyday!!!

Dear Stella,

Bawo ni? Thank you for this rather beautiful platform to tell my story. This might be a long read, please bear with me. I am from Edo state. Although i am not your average traditional girl that was taught to kneel while greeting, my mother taught me that the respect that matters the most is how you see the other person in your mind. 
speak politely to people and to not be pretentious, but don't kiss anyone's ass. 

Stells I learnt how to not just kiss but to lick ass on top this marriage matter.

Now the first guy I would have married was from Akwa Ibom. One tall handsome gossipy manipulator like that. I looked beyond all his flaws cuz my mum really liked him, so I decided to attempt to marry him.. lol!

 Time came to meet his family, so we had to travel to Akwa Ibom. I have lived in Lagos all my life so I can tell you that Akwa Ibom is a really beautiful place. I still wonder what their people are doing in Lagos. It was a really long journey, we got to his house around 1am in the morning. The first thing that caught my attention was how really beautiful his mother was. She had been expecting me, as we had spoken on the phone a few times, so she was nice and warm. it was rather late, so I just had my bath and went to bed (had to share the room with his sister who is really beautiful too). 

The next day everyone was nice and chummy, food and drinks and prayers to welcome me to the family. Then his mother called me aside and started telling me how she felt her son was really young (he was 29 or so) and she didn't understand the rush, but she wont stand in our way but she has to warn me not to stand in her way as well... as in, I shouldn't stop her from visiting her son, blah blah mehn my antennas shot up. 

She specifically called my ex fiance her baby! 

Note that he was the first son and she had three sons and a daughter. She adores her children so much, it was both admirable and terrifying. she also told me not to offend his younger sister, that she does not forgive easily in my mind I was like see these people o! as if I am to beg their son to marry me. she also said if her son must marry me, he must first open a big supermarket for her o!

 I just tire. After all the talk, I said thank you Ma, and decided to quietly watch and learn about this guy's family. now I noticed something, they have a little girl who happens to be my ex's cousin that lived with them, she was treated like trash. made to eat on the floor while we all dined and wined on the table, she had a specific plastic plate, cup and spoon assigned to her and she was beaten and yelled at, at the slightest opportunity. 

Note that my would be MIL never struck any of her children. 

Other than these, they were all nice to me. we visited many places together and they already called me wife. When i was to leave, my would be MIL gave me gifts for me and my mother as a sign of acceptance, I collected and bade them farewell and journeyed back to Lag alone, as he was to stay back for one project like that. 

On my way back, I decided I didn't want to marry into that family.

 Apart from his mother who saw me as competition, I had to walk on eggshells around his sister who can go from the nicest to hostile to cry baby (she is my age mate) in 60 seconds,The guy was also servicing too many house girls in his area at the time and they wouldn't stop throwing themselves at him. I just had to borrow sense. I was 24 at the time, so I didn't understand he desperation to marry sef. 

About a year later, I met my darling hubby. He is Yoruba. the relationship was pretty smooth until I met his mother. The first time I met her was at his friend's wedding. I was nervous and scared, so I went with one of my friends who was also Yoruba. Hubby had told me that kneeling down was a big deal and I had to throw away my inhibitions and kneel with both knees when I meet his whole family, not just his parents. in fact , i had practised really well before the party. 

My friend and I arrived before she came and we were busy enjoying ourselves when he informed us that she had arrived. This my yeye friend left her seat in a hurry and ran out to greet her and knelt down and hugged her as if she was the one dating my hubby. I just sat there in shock. My MIL immediately thought that my friend was the Iyawo and embraced her with open arms. I didn't know what to do. All the Yoruba I knew to speak deserted me.

 When she got to our table finally, I greeted in English while sitting down, I wanted the ground to swallow me. My werey friend already collected her bag, got her a seat, went to hustle for food! my own yeye high heels were killing me, i couldn't stand up to arrange for anything. I felt defeated. 

As if she planned the whole thing. We (my MIL and myself) sat across the table from each other and occasionally exchanged glances. My hubby was no where to be found, my friend had dutifully assumed my role, and MIL did not yet know that I was the wife in question. After some minutes that felt like days, they both returned to the table and my hubby introduced me to his mother as the girl he wants to marry, she was visibly disappointed. She looked from my friend to me and smiled. 

She had already taken a liking to my friend. My friend continued chatting with my MIL in Yoruba, while I sat and smiled. I knew i failed to impress her.

 After about an hour, she got up to leave, we all stood up and scrambled after her. My shoes were killing me but I didn't care. She gave most of the souvenirs she got to my friend. I collected them from her abeg bish can't coman take my MIL from me. After that day, info began to filter in that darling MIL dies not like Edo people cuz we don't have respect. She called my hubby aside and admonished him to get a respectful Yoruba girl as she doesn't want future wahala.

 So I had to go practice and learn how to kneel for everybody. The next time we met, I was ready. This time it was the whole family. As soon as I entered the living room, I went straight to my MIL, knelt down and put my head on her laps. 

She was genuinely surprised. she held me in return and prayed for me. Then I went round on my knees to all of my husband's family, including his siblings. I was quite uncomfortable, but i have gotten used to it. Since then , it's been a smooth sail. I married the man of my dreams and kneeling for the whole of Africa is a rather small price to pay.

* didnt tell us what happened to your friend that tried to steal your shine....


  1. But that your friend is what the Yorubas call abebelube. She might have just done what she did out of pure heart.

    1. That's what I thought too. But she refused to attend my wedding and gave one yeye excuse like that.

  2. I like your story and I'm happy you're having it good with your in-laws. My friend who got married to a Yoruba man said she left her in-laws house with nearly peeled knees. I couldn't help but laugh at the description.
    The mode of greeting calls for eye service respect. You're kneeling and smiling but cursing them in your mind.

    1. Hahahahaha... you funny @you're kneeling and smiling but cursing them in your mind.

      That your friend is just like one babe like that, too forward.

      Congrats. I like the Yoruba culture btw.

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  4. I enjoyed reading your story. First impression does not really matter. Your mother in-law must be a nice lady to accept you after the second visit. Youruba’s are the most respectful people in Nigeria. I love their culture.

    1. They are the most respectful because they kneel to greet? Interesting!!!!

    2. They are not the most respectful. Kneeling down or prostrating cannot be equated to respect. You can say instead that yoruba is the most "eye service" culture in Nigeria

    3. They are not the most respectful. Kneeling down or prostrating cannot be equated to respect. You can say instead that yoruba is the most "eye service" culture in Nigeria

    4. They are not the most respectful. Kneeling down or prostrating cannot be equated to respect. You can say instead that yoruba is the most "eye service" culture in Nigeria

    5. Yeah my MIL is really nice. I still don't subscribe to kneeling as the true show of respect. To me, its just eye service and I have perfected the act. I don't intend to teach my daughter to kneel all over the place like I am presently mandated to do. Respect is a thing of the mind.

  5. You sure say you be edo babe so?
    Edo babes are really smart o. Just imagine that's how your friend would have taken over.
    God bless your home.

  6. Hahhahaha
    What an interesting read.
    I like how you learnt how to greet in your hubby’s culture. It doesn't make you pretentious, It shows how accomodating of others you can be🙌

  7. Beautiful and interesting story, God bless ur Union dear.

    Na wah for that your friend sef

  8. Hahahaha😄..No b small kneeling for Africa...interesting story... this kind friend came prepared.
    I agree with it mom that respect is more of how u see a person in ur mind and how u treat them both in their presence and absence. My Yoruba colleagues will kneel, lie down and even roll on the floor in the name of greeting but most times once the person leaves the way they turn around and gossip and vituperate that person is just terrible but then am the disrespectful one to our Yoruba boss😒. If u 're not God I have no business bowing or kneeling before u. If u earn my respect u have it. Simple.

    1. But seriously, that friend of yours could have gone there with ulterior motive you know.

      She wanted your MIL to see her as the wife material and not you.

      Just imagine that your hubby just showed some interest in her, you for just pass corner.

      It's good you left that first guy else, you would have been in a hot pot by now cos sister will do her own, MIL will do her own and you dare not say pim.

      Why is it so difficult to publish comments now?

      Gat to repeat like 5-6 times before it works.
      Same thing with Phoenix browser.

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  10. Nice read..
    Lol,your friend was just being nice but her mistake was not carrying you along.

  11. You fall my hand jor. Edo babes are always ready and smart. That your friend - na wah! hope you learnt your lessons from her actions. Thank God for your mother in law for her understanding spirit

  12. Lol nice story.
    Me that married a non-Yoruba is so used to the kneeling thing, its embedded into you from the time you cant walk sef. so even if I'm greeting any elderly Igbo or delta person or of any culture for that matter I still kneel . I even courtesy to elderly white ppl out of respect.

    1. Haha this is so me! Hubby is not Yoruba and keeps telling me they are not big on kneeling but I be Yoruba girl na for blood e dey. Kent help it .

  13. That your friend is one to keep at arms length from your family.I don't like people who don't know how to play along as a friend...anyway you are lucky you got a mother in law who was matured with a good heart.

    If I think of the whole African in laws wahala I would rather marry an oyinbo person than deal with the wahala of our tradition here.


  14. I smiled while reading. You finally possessed your possession. Your Yoruba girlfriend na bebeto sha. It's good there's someone here attesting to the goodness of Yoruba men as against those who call all Yoruba men demon.

  15. That last phrase got me laughing. Congrats poster.

  16. I'm Yoruba, the first time I met my mil, I knelt to greet. She eyed me and didn't reply. I should have known they were trouble

  17. I thought I was the only edo girl trained not to kneel down to greet. It's probably a culture thing...we're a proud race sha ooo.
    Glad you are enjoying your in laws...I enjoy mine too..alot. They're not yoruba though.
    Hope you're no longer friends with your 'friend'?

    1. My dear... My friend did not attend my wedding. She gave me the daftest excuse i had ever heard. After my wedding , I jejely withdrew from her. Then it became really clear she had ulterior motives.

    2. Your mother inlaw must have seen your friend's moves, and must have concluded that she lacks integrity. We value integrity more than anything else. And older ones see beyond our actions.

  18. Nice read. I just learnt now that kneeling down is a basic Yoruba thing. I never knew. Whether you be Igbo, Edo, Hausa, Calabar etc. I don't care. I just kneel down once you are older than me. I didn't know other cultures didn't care much for it. I simply thought it was a Nigerian thing.....


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