Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...


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Sunday, February 18, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Na wah!!!


Hi Stella,

So many questions in my head, I just wanted to cry, and then it crossed my mind to send this in. Hopefully, you can help..

I have been going through a whole lot more recently in my marriage. I met my husband when in my early 20’s and everything was fine then but now everything he does annoys me. In addition to the fact that he cheats, lies and disrespects me constantly. Many things he does and says just seems so unwise or illogical. Moreover, because I am always so angry with him for things he has done and continues to do, I get so angry and talk rudely to him (He is more than 10 years older than me) even with minor issues. More recently, I have noticed I am always so angry, and this is so far away from who I used to be.

To set the stage to understand this present instance I am about to cite, let me state that we don’t live in the same state. Now, just before I started writing this chronicle/epistle/rant ( I intended to pick up the phone and lash out because I requested he sign a consent letter for my daughter 2 days ago and today is the deadline, and he is aware of it. Somehow, even after I typed the letter and sent it to him in an email to just print and sign, he is too “busy” to find the time to do so. Yesterday night he said he had sent it- I never received it.

My question now is that- 

1. In this case, am I wrong to call upset that I haven’t gotten the letter? 

2. Am I thinking too highly of myself if I am upset that I am the one who is running around for the children's sake and just print, sign, scan and send back is too much? (He is a businessman, there are printers in the house and office. In any case why say you have sent it, and then I sit there checking and checking my email, but it never comes)

3. How does one cope with a husband who feels like he knows it all and never listens to anyone?

4. At what point does one cut their losses with an unfaithful liar and an absentee father and just move on. Or where can I buy patience?

5. How do you even move on?

6. Does anyone have an idea how I can regain my sanity and peace of mind and not be so angry about everything?

Please help!
Thanks Stella!

*Hmmm,deep questions that truly need answers but the answers i do not have...


  1. You need psychologist help

    Hope this comment won't disappear as well? Even tired of commenting, we need a lasting solution asap

    *Larry was here*

  2. You sound like a NAGGING woman; the kind of thing any man hates. Even the Lord says that it is better to live in the desert than with your kind under same roof.

    The likely reasons for your nagging are:
    Living apart; this is never a good way to conduct a marriage. There is communication barriers already. However, the man might prefer it to stay away from your nagging.

    There is likely financial stress like is obtainable in most Nigerian family after the Buhari recession. Money is probably not flowing like you envisaged prior to this marriage. You are reacting the way most of us undisciplined women do.

    Be patient and imbibe self discipline; fast, pray, study the word of God especially the book of James and psalms/the teachings of Christ to bridle your tongue and rest your spirit. If not you might send a chronicle about having torn your marriage apart with your own hands.

    1. Shut up joor, so a woman can not say her dissatisfaction without you calling her a nag abi? Do you guys reason with ur anus or what? And you dint even talk about the randy cheating horseband of hers, who has zero respect for her you just went ahead to conclude she is a nag. Mtcheeeeeeew nonsense talk.

    2. The man is s liar, a cheat,careless about bis child, and u blame this woman? Everything this woman has become, the man caused it. Do u think it easy to just sit down and watch all of the things the wan mentioned above? African womenn have suffered.

    3. The issues you have ehn? Only a nagging man can solve it. Mtcheeeew. Poster try to find peace within yourself, do what makes you happy and focus on your baby.

    4. U guys cursing @anon 15:10 have u heard d man's side of d story? What happens wen her husband comes with his?

    5. When men say women nag I just laugh. Is the woman mad that you didn't do anything for no reason she just starts ranting and ranting.
      I am in a relationship with a man that never had my time.Mind you we live not so far from each other.
      3 weeks may pass and I may not see this man. We both work so week day visits arwnt so possible. He works sats also as he is an agent and contractor.
      He promised coming last Sat didn't show up. this Sat called in the morning he will come,he didn't finish work till 10pm
      And I live with my parents so 10pm is too late to visit.
      After church I just drove by his house now I met the brother who told me he went to visit the parents. I called him and he is indeed there and not coming back till 2mrw because it's in ibadan.
      All these things I complain about and he calls it nagging.
      Am I wrong to be complaining, how can you claim to be dating and you don't see 2/3 weeks.
      And I am not the side chick that I know about. I go to his house unannounced and I have never met any woman there.

    6. Please don't listen to the bitter anon up there, hiding behind their cheap phones and judging people they don't know. mtchewwww

      Dear Poster, it is well with you. First of all, stay away from things that can stress you or at least reduce the stress to the barest minimum. Go and spend some time with your husband alone and pour out your heart to him. His attitude has made you fall out of love with him. Try to think of how he made you feel before you decided to marry him and most importantly, please forgive him and let go of your anger. For the sake of your peace of mind, please just make up your mind to let go of the anger, not for him but for yourself. Take care.

    7. When women swoop on comments like this one it is laughable
      Who is angry, ranting, chanting, "loling" and writing chronicles; is it the man?
      That is how all of una go divorce a man even before marrying him!
      You can't enter marriages with this kind of mindset and expect it to survive.

      and mind you that, if the marriage breaks down, especially in the Nigerian context the man will be married that same year; in fact in a matter of months or weeks. The woman becomes a "sulking angry divorcee, single mother and chronicle writer . . ."

    8. So many of you girls ranting up there should as well go and buy dummy husbands; im no dey cost.
      At least, he doesn't need to sign consent, you can manipulate him anyhow you like it.

    9. Abegi see the question the woman asked:
      6. Does anyone have an idea how I can regain my sanity and peace of mind and not be so angry about everything?

      The man is not the one "losing his sanity and angry about everything . . ."

      Someone offered a piece of advice; fast, pray and read the word of God . . . bridle her tongue and rest her spirit etc."
      And "fellow angry women" attacked her?

    10. A man who loves you will take correction. If he isn't then leave him alone. If he loves you enough he will address himself and ask to patch things up. If he doesn't, keep it moving.
      I think rather than reduce myself to a nag or an accused nag, I would rather have my sanity and peace of mind. The man that will stress me out hasn't been born yet. I think sometimes some of us women just like to feel like we are in a relationship so we don't know where to draw the lines. Hian! I wish Una luck oh

    11. Amen o. The man that would stress me out hasn't been born yet.

  3. I noticed my comments no longer appear on any of the post again.
    No wahala sha. Happy Sunday

  4. Women who know their worth and who know the Lord Jesus win their husbands over WITHOUT WORDS; character is the key. Anyone can rant/chant/speak angrily. The strength of a woman is in her character; being quiet and gently in spite of any "provocation" or perceived provocation. You want proof?

    1 Peter 3: 1In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2by observing your pure and reverent lives.

    1. Women have suffered.

    2. Next time quote the part of the Bible that command men to LOVE their wives just like Christ loves the church and lay down His life for it.
      Stop condemning women please. It's bad enough that we live in the part of the world where women are looked down on, trampled on and disrespected just because they are women and they believe men can do whatever they like.

    3. @ Anonymous 16:58
      The man is not the one writing a chronicle; is he?
      The woman has to correct her side first. I can't have
      an opinion on a man I've not heard from.

    4. The Bible also commands a man to love his wife. The instruction to love came before the instruction to submit (read that passage). As my mum always says, submission comes naturally in an atmosphere of love. Not all women are born complacent (me for example), but with a man that loves me and doesn't hesitate to show it I'm as peaceful as a dove. I can't hold wrongdoings inside, my own i go talk am, you go apologize, we go settle. And vice versa. Case closed! What's all this 'strength of character' is in your silence? I go come dey manufacture character give man wey I dey house with again? Abeg oh, let's all carry our crosses.

    5. @Chickito or sidechikito

      If it is "let's all carry our crosses", why marry in the first place?
      The man isn't the chronicle writer, why try him in absentia?
      Wasn't the woman the one that is "angry and lacks peace?"
      Please cub yourself of gender bias here.

  5. When moni finish, woman anger starts!
    If moni begin flow now, all these ya anger go quench well well.
    Na only politrictians get that kind moni for Naija.

    1. It is not always so. My husband has so much money and I have access to the money. Yet I am not happy.
      He does not have my time. Let's just say we share a bed and have sex. But I can't remember my husband being at home for a whole day. We can't even seat together and relax. Always work work work. Today is Sunday and after church he has gone to meet a client that wants to view a property he is selling.
      Do you know I have had a lunch date with my hubby and on our way to the date he received a message that a multi million contract came through and he needs to come to Abuja. My dear husband dropped me back home and took the next flight to Abuja. I am tired.
      A marriage you hardly see your husband. Just share bed. Leaves the house very early, doesn't get home till i and kids are in the bed. A home with money but with one active parent. Every school event I attend by myself.

    2. Sweetheart, you need to leave your man alone for now. You see, guys like him usually get a 'hard-on' doing what makes them happy and there's nothing you can do to make them stay more at home. Unless you don't want him to make that kind of money he using to sustain you and the kids to the standard you both are comfortable with. So, one thing is gonna have to give and that's him not being at home as often as you would want. What you need to do my dear, is to 'wake up' into reality and find what makes 'you' happy instead and pursue it passionately like your hubby too! You will see in the long run, you will not be as mad as you are right now. End off! ;)

    3. Anon 18.42 abeg manage that your hubby ooo. I would looooove to be in your position. What would you say if your hubby doesn't have money AND is not present.

      Just get busy yourself, make sure you siphon plenty money ooo. Enjoy your babies and do more outings and enjoyment with friends ( no man friend and affairs ooo). Manage him and enjoy the money abeg, hopefully he will change for the better soon.

      A word is enough for the wise ooooooooooooooooooo

    4. So what's the purpose of this your rant? You can't have it all !! You this greedy selfish rat . Your hubby is out everyday looking for what you'll use to slay as a rich hubby wife you're still not contented. And he still fucks you on top of it !! Some of you need brain resetting slap !! Ok leave him na and find an available broke man . Witch

    5. @Anonymous 16:42
      Did you marry him because of that money?

    6. You are not only mad but insanely stupid and shallow. In fact your head if filled with cotton wool. Ekwensu.

  6. Madam visit a counselor , ASAP mbok

  7. My sister I no get answer to your questions. It is well with you

  8. You're allowing the burden of being apart to affect you. Nobody is perfect and when you constantly nag or shout at your man, it irritates.

    If you can both of you should come together and iron things out.2. If you try and manage your anger and stop exploding at the slightest offence. You can tell him how you feel without shouting.
    Most importantly ,commit all to God

  9. From the tone of your writing i can see you the type that slaps husband at a freewill and also nags. Maybe it's the reason why he stays far from you. Bossly, slow down for him and let him take charge of the home afterall he is the head of the family irrespective of your educational background.

    Go into prayer and talk to him (your husband) subtly anytime he talks to you. Don't be too to submit to him

    1. He should take charge of the home.
      Someone that can't sign a consent form and send back.
      I can see where she is coming from. I have dated a man like this.
      This one to get him to do simple thing na war. Very lazy and nonchalant thing.
      If he says I am travelling to come see you. He can say he got to airport and didnt carry any I'D or he missed last flight.
      Sending money nko. I have sent it and you will never see the so called alert.
      He's not stingy but very lazy. Because he does give when you see him physically. But getting anything done for him is a wahala.
      How he is successful I don't know.
      He once booked a flight for us to Dubai and on getting to airport. The flight was yesterday. He was the one that booked it o. And he kept the tickets.
      These types of men drain you mentally and emotionally. Because you will talk till kingdom come and they will call you nag.

  10. It is only fools that will call this woman a nag. If you have never walked in her shoes please just shut the fuck up!
    Poster I was in your shoes... I endured for 6 years... emotional and psychological abuse... low self esteem... name it. He cheats, lies, full of pride... omg. What I did? January last year I walked and never looked back. After 3 months he started calling and texting. Till date I have not taken his calls or responded to his messages.
    It's your marriage... you wear the shoes and you know where it pinches. Follow your heart. Stay there and die of bitterness or walk out and get your sanity back. Life is too short. Dem no dey carry husband for back go heaven.

    1. Lol. That's exactly what I will do. I will leave him to dead silence. When him belleful him go find me come. Then we can talk like adults

  11. Dear poster I dated a man like your horseband. Those kind of men will drain the life and positive energy you have till its all gone and you realise you are left in a dark place with nothing but bitterness but before then it will be too late. I was worried about what people will say which was why I stayed in the relationship but I got pushed to the wall till i exceeded my limit. I had no choice but to bounce back and take charge of my life. I picked a new interest (coral draw), so instead of getting bitter over him I got better in my little interest. I concentrated on my job (thank God it takes me round the country so I had little time to spend with him),made some money and set a trap for him which he fell yakata and I used that as my escape route to freedom. I walked outta of that toxic relationship and I could finally breathe again. I could feel the fresh breeze hitting my face, twas like I was locked in a dark cave. I took a long walk from that relationship and I never looked back. He was surprise to see I was doing well and even better without him. My skin glowed, I look healthier and even much more prettier lol (depression makes you age faster).

    You are married to a bad man, if I were you I will save as much as I can, if I have a steady source of income I will prepare for a rainy day. So that when the rain comes I would have a shelter. If he only brings out the worse in you leave him now while you are still sane before he sends you to a point of no return. Being in a toxic Marriage won't send you to heaven, rather it puts you in a first class ticket to hell. Be smart to know what is worth saving and what isn't. Now my question to you is, is your marriage worth the mental torture? Is it worth the save? Do you guys have a chance of working it out? Wishing you best of luck.

    1. God bless you Steffy!!!

    2. Thank you. Such men can drive you mad.

    3. Steffy you have said it all. You were very sensible to get out of a terrible relationship instead of following it through to the bitter end. Suffering and smiling

    4. Thank you, Stephy. I keep saying that women should not allow their marriages to make them bitter if not they don miss heaven be that o. A heart without love can not make heaven.

  12. I know you are deeply hurt and possibly disappointed at the man you never thought could be like this but you need a different approach to see if things will change!!
    Constant fights and complains(nag if u will) will dig a BIG hole BTW u 2 and it will get deeper till it becomes unmendable!!!
    Can u please read 'The Power of a praying wife'?a lot of people might not like to hear this but praying about EVERYTHING is the key to happiness,it has worked for me.
    You can never change a grown ass man except through prayer and he won't even noticing he is adjusting+the change might even have to begin from you,I know u want it to work is why u are here and may God give u peace!!

  13. I will drop this few lines for you,

    Forgiveness is the key to a successful marriage. When you married him,you signed for better for worse.
    He is in his worst times behaviour wise,but you have to let go of whom you are to save him from destroying himself.
    Let go of this bitterness,anger,resentment and unforgiveness in you and you will also realise you are heavily flawed but he looks past it too.
    Unforgiveness does not allow tolerance grow.
    Unforgiveness is a silent killer and destroyer.
    Please don't let it destroy your home.

    When you married him,and became his helper,you accepted to trade you pride and right when the need arises. Please do it now.
    God bless you as you do.

    Triumphant Zion

    1. Poster please listen to triumphant Zion. She's wise!

      @triumphant, God bless u

    2. Nice one but did the poster make that vow alone?
      What the man is serving her right now in marriage was it included in his wedding vows?
      Poster u know what?
      U need air. Stop concentrating on what's destroying the once beautiful you. Go and find yourself again, get back your glow, get back your joy, get back your life cuz u lost it the moment u let it all go cuz of this kind of man. Only focus on the people and things that will help you redeem yourself. He is meant to help u grow and become better but since that isn't the case don't focus on him again. See if u can go around accomplishing tasks and goals without the burden of dragging a deadweight to yourself.
      Set yourself free! You will see that he would as automatically sit-up. Let your actions scream not your words for your words have become non-effective there by showing u off as a nag(u aren't one).
      I am glad the Steffy and many more women are being supportive of ur state.
      The sooner you find yourself the sooner you would get everything to Auto reset just as u want them. Find yourself again.

  14. Wow he really caught you young, you know all those men that go for young girls who will not challenge them so as to get liberty to do all they want, well that's the situation you are in now. You are married already, just talk to him about all that hurt you, get something doing so that you and your child won't have to depend on him and if you can ignore all the lies,deceit and cheating do so. If you can't please divorce him before you die before your time. Goodluck

  15. Most Nigerian women endure dear ignore him keep busy and look for ways to make yourself happy if not take a walk.

  16. My dear am in the same shoes as you, sometimes I ask my self how did you allow him turn you into this bittered woman,mine is 11yrs am so tired I tried keeping calm and ignoring him as a counselor said, we went so broke and was giving quit notice,he couldn't manage anything all those that called me a nag, he no see any of them to help, even the counselor apologized to me,his family disappeared when I clear the trouble they reappeared oh yes I will walk away but I won't do it in a heat of anger, I am planning everything diligently ..o ge meya vumm na Anya. Poster take it easy and start living like he is not there, that is what I do.

    1. You are a wise woman, the kird us your strength. Don't let some religious fanatic make you fell you are the worst of all men. We all live my grace.

  17. Hmmm..not every woman is a nag abeg..women are not mad.
    Why will be nagging for no reason...
    Poster..u have to learn to live ur life like he doesn't exist.
    Live like u don't have anybody, let him know he is not that important in ur live and children and that u can without him...
    Do things without his consent or approval..stop calling him for anything.. If he call fine,if he doesn't fine...just forget about him for sometime and occupy yourself with other things...

  18. Seriously speaking, the way some of us advice walk away, walk away, never look back, etc baffles me.

    There is absolutely no marriage without some huddles. Agreed that some marriages are of no good especially when dv is involved (which one can outrightly walk away without looking back)

    But we can make our marriage work women. People u see celebrating 50yrs didn't hv it all smooth n rosy(some will ask who 50yrs anniversary epp? Them de give award put? Must u be married?etc)

    Anyways,Madam, this is ur own side of d story, what if ur husband sends his and we find out all u said abt him doesn't correspond?

    Quit nagging pls(i know some men are experts in pushing their women to d wall but we must learn how to be in control wen such happens.)two wrongs cannot make a right.

    We women must understand that if we play our cards well, our husbands/men can actually be a putty in our hands. They are just like babies o if u play ur cards well, he will fall.

    However, major problem i see here is distance. For d fact dt he's not there with u to actually be fully involved in parenting, u are exhausted, lonely and tired(ds is why i hate distance) he might not even be cheating as u claim. Ur being exhausted n d rest makes u angry and talk rudely to him and I bet u, no real man likes that.

    I suggest u either look for a way so u guys can come back as famil y or u both go see a counsellor

  19. How do people read this write up and respond it is well???? What is well about it????? Jeez! Nigerians have turned that statement to slang!!
    Poster, you know where your feet hurt in this shoes so only you can decide! Your not a nag, you just needed to rant and it's ok to rant!
    It's suck to feel the way you do! "Big hugs"

  20. Don't Marry a man 10 years ahead of you. The car may sounds cool today, but it would not matter tomorrow

  21. You have time to be running after your fellow human being to sign letter. Me I'll just sign it for him and do what I have to do. Can't come and be running helter skelter because of an irresponsible man.

  22. Aunty check your spam folder.
    Or just call him to resend it.
    Or just sign the damn thing yourself.

    Let's resolve this one first before we can answer your deep questions.

  23. You need to call yourself to order. Anger is destroying you mind body and soul. Take a moment and look at yourself and say to yourself I don't NEED to be angry no matter what the other person does I will smile and walk away. Stop being mad all the time it destroy peace of mind and the bible says in proverb that he that does not have control over is anger is like a city without a wall and that is what you 're now. Give your husband space stop accusing and confronting him let him be. Take time and pray for yourself not any other person but yourself. Be calm and when your are calm start praying for husband. Girl speak to yourself to calm down. Decisions you can make without your husband take it and stop cursing him remember you still sleep with him. All the negativity has a way of falling on one so be careful and calm down. Face your kids,save all the money you can save and be happy to make positive changes in your life. BE CALM

  24. Stella, u hv refuse to post my comments for days now and I'm wondering why

  25. My dear, I actually thought I was reading my story. I've been in this mess for years now and I've decided it will end if I must feel normal again. You are wearing your own shoes, weigh your options and be brave to take the decision that best suits you. God's grace!

  26. Seems like you need a vacation. Sometimes a change of scenery is worthwhile. Take him off your mind, when you keep thinking on someone's flaws you will see more of it.

  27. Women are their worst enemy. I see feminist bvs littered all over this blog.
    After carefully reading this chronicle,i noted with dismay that the story is not complete. So many gaps and holes to fill. This poster has her issues so does the husband. Only the word of God can help you manage your anger. Don't ever give the keys of your happiness to anyone. Distant marriage is messier than when u live many questions to ask.may God help you.

  28. Some men are monsters. When you complain, they call you a nag. Women are really suffering in this continent.

    today na sunday and every man husband are at there home sleeping or drinking
    while alots of girls are at church praying and crying for husband to appear
    from some where and marry her, una well done oooo
    after husband has appear and marriage parties are over ,woman eyes go open wide,,
    i just called my parents now ,becos that woman wey dem want make i come
    village go marry in this easter i no want to marry again,,,
    i dey happy as single and na only me know how much money in my bank accout,,,
    no papa inlaw and mama inlaw wahala,,,,,i go home when i like,,,peace i have,,
    una weldone ooooo,,,,today i carry water put inside pot,,put meat,,tomato,,oil,,salt,,magic,,and cook rice,,,,food don done ,,man eat,,,
    what again?i have my peace,,,,tomorrow na work

    1. I had a good laugh reading this ......oga I don't blame you. Enjoy your bachelorhood while it lasts.

    2. At a point I was having this same issues. Hubby is 9 years older and we see things differently but this doesn't cause fight. Most times I just do what I have to do. I earn my own money so I don't need his permission to do most things that please me. It's when I ask for money we disagree. This life is short and I have made up my mind to enjoy it. My children don't lack anything because I can easily sort them out if hubby is broke. I equally support my hubby when I can afford it. It's a two way thing..,. he does same for me. I sometimes travel on vacation on my own because I can afford it. Women should learn their happiness cannot come from their spouse. Take charge of your life and make yourselves happy.

  30. Poster I hope you read this. I too have let a man drive me almost to madness with anger and despair over how he treats me... STOP!. You do not deserve it. You are not the one who is a problem.
    First of all believe in yourself... love yourself no matter what he does. If he is cheating, worry not! na him get his blokos. He has shown you who he is, BELIEVE IT!. Fact is most Nigerian men are not brought up to treat their wives not take it personally.

    Listen take care of your mental health first. I know when the kids are acting up you probably get irate with them thinking their foolish father has left you with all the responsibility 😁. Believe me I have been there. Ive Gone through sadness, crying, anger, despair and I have come out of the other side. I am joyful now and I enjoy my babies. We have an amazing time together. Try to 'de-emotionalise' how you react to what he does or does not do. E.g. the consent letter just tell him calmly without emotion that you did not receive it and remind him calmly what it is for and how important it is. The Lord is your strength. You will come out at the other side. Amen

  31. It's heartbreaking to see women suffer in marriage. Although I'm not married I empathise deeply with you. Firstly why do you live apart? Is there anything that can be done to bridge the distance? It's understandable to lose your patience with a man who cheats, lies, acts unconcerned and doesn't bring his weight to child care. These behaviours will drive a saint up the wall. You just have to find a way to communicate his lapses to him and both figure out what steps you'd both take to make your marriage a healthier one. If that doesn't work, try therapy or counselling. Or involve family members. If all these don't work, then you need divine intervention. As much as I hate that war room advice, I believe in God and know that He is in the business of restoring lost and broken things. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you and guide you towards a permanent solution to your marital challenges. He cares and He speaks. He will begin to put ideas in your heart and when you apply them, I promise you will see changes. The problem with us Christians which I assume you are is we don't train our spirit to hear God's voice. Many times we apply fleshly (carnal) solutions to problems that require divine wisdom. Getting angry and bitter and resentful won't work because you're fighting flesh with flesh. Your hubby is making poor choices that are affecting the peace and stability of his family because He lacks a relationship with Christ and therefore Godly wisdom. That is what is missing here. Please don't give up just yet. There is no challenge impossible for God to handle. Give up fighting or quarrelling. Wave the white flag, go to God and say I can't do this anymore then watch him take over and deal with that rebel of a husband. Remember that you can't go on living this way and something has to give sooner or later. Happiness is your birthright. Goodluck.

  32. Dear poster, I am goin through similar situation...just very little difference here and there...wish we could is well God will is our strength


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