Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Saturday, February 03, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmm......






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SO LONG A SAD SAD READ


Good day Stella,
I would like this to be a chronicle. Your blog has been a source of inspiration for a despondent me. I have gained a lot reading through human contents from here.
I recently buried my father just be Christmas. Ever since his death, my mother whose health is no better has worsen. She's been sick even before my Dad died. I have two other siblings, all girls, I inclusive. One is in 300L, the other is just resuming (Jambito). I sacrificed going to regular school when the scales fell. For all of them.


 My father's little gratuity had entirely gone into managing my parents health. At a point we lived at the benevolence of my Dads one true friend. Who gave us shelter in one of hid bq until his death (accident with the wife). That was four years ago, ever since then I have been shouldering almost everything. With some help coming from my immediate younger sister who is 20yrs. I am 23yrs, while the youngest is 17yrs.


Circumstance reshaped me and I grew up too fast, I am believe. I had contemplated all sorts, until something good started happening. And I put my hands on several meaningful things just to uplift this my lovely and wonderful family. But since the death and burial of our father, it seems I needed to switch off and switch on back. For the first time in 3yrs, I'm feeling the weight of being the breadwinner. Everything seems unappealing to me. 


I have become defensive, elusive and unapproachable to my siblings and mother. I think I have become suddenly rude and insulting in the last one month, more than I had been in my entire life. And I don't like who I am becoming. I'm back to sobbing before sleeping. And I don't know how to snap out of it back to my usual self.


Secondly, I have just paid my sisters tuition. My immediate sister says she can take care of her other expenses in school. She good at making hair and makeup. She manages my hair saloon whenever she's around. But I don't want her swaying away from the good girl she is because of circumstantial demands. And become a victim, she's not as strong as I am.


 So I don't support her "taking care" of herself 100%. I have two options in my head: letting her go to school from home, that way she'll continue working for mr and earn more. Or give her one of my drier (regular & the handy one), with some other essentials. I don't know which to decide. I have already skeletally planned my first quarter of this year before my Dads death. Like, I want to start a small fashion house this January. With my youngest sister in mind. She learnt tailoring after her SSCE in 2016. With her school admission now, I also wish she could go from home, while managing the sewing shop. 


Which is equipped minimally for start up at least. I sew and make hair too. I am only trying to see how both could help me out, without too much infringement on their studies. Is it possible? How do I go about it? I still do other regular buying and selling stuff. I'm in NOUN (Open University) doing a degree programme, should I pause my life again? Everything seems out of place for me at present. I have been questioning my ability to organize my life these days. We need the money now more than ever. I don't wish to stunt my youngest education like mine did. If I sit them down and talk, will they see reasons with me and not think I'm being selfish? I'm so confused. I sometimes feel like running away. But to where? What becomes of my siblings and mother? It is telling on my appearance.


Thirdly, my fathers people have best putting on me to get married. They have never been there for us. And didn't contribute almost nothing to my Dads burial. But for the little donations from fair-weather friends, well wishers and the much I could cough out. We might not have buried my father. They were just asking for money for this, money for that. Yet I must admit, they did help in some other ways. Getting married is not the issue. Nor priority, surviving is all that counts for me now. They are of the opinion that getting married will ease our burden. Need we be an added burden to that man?


For me the thing is that I detest having a relationship. I don't even have friends. Perhaps I'm not the friendly type I think? I've had this inner resentment for males other than my father. I sent you a mail last year regarding this issue, but you didn't give it a space. All you said was 'seriously what is this? Do what you think is right?' Well I failed and still paying the price. I still love you though (side eyes). Plus I had wanted to know how best to relate with someone whose parents we used to live off before their death. But upon their death, this person coerced, manipulated, assaulted, molest and abused an innocent me for months. Denied me an admission, whose tuition had already been kept for onward payment.


 Threw us out into the street, when I couldn't continue paying rent with my body at 19. When once, twice and trice wasn't enough. But you didn't get to post it that last year. To be honest, him throwing us out four years ago was the blessing that positioned to be this breadwinner I am today. Because it changed our story some bit. And emboldened me, then God stepped in.

Sorry for deviating, they are interwoven. Presently, I am more confused about everything and I think I still wish to runaway.
Bear with me.


*Goes back to read Chronicle again...

23 comments:

  1. Na wah oh!,,.
    Poster,you should be happy you have a business that fetch some money for you..
    There are some people who have nothing!...

    You should stop complaining and get a rich bobo that would be supporting you!...
    That's what most girls in your shoe do!...
    Even those that have it all!!,,.
    Your sister too should do the same!...
    You girls should stop datng broke ass brothers!,..
    No money no love that should be your anthem!,,.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does this comment of yours make sense to even your sad self? Is that the most reasonable advice that could come out of the deepest conscience that is left of you? When people talk serious, you come up with crap, all in the name of comment. You take pride in making useless statements just because you want to be notoriously known for silly comments. Take something serious for once. Where did the poster talk about dating broke people here? How did you even come up with “that’s what most girls in your shoes do”? Pray your family doesn’t fall into this kind of circumstance. You are so bipolar. Something is really wrong with you and your mindset. Such a sad life you live. Is she complaining? This struggling lady who works with her sweat needs sincere advice, you are accusing her of complaining. Wake up please!

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    2. Do not stop your education for your siblings. Trust me it will come back and bite you in the future. Also please make sure you are studying something relevant at NOUN

      Delete
  2. My dear, the way you wrote this chronicles shows your state of mind. A friend of mind lost his mother recently and he has to take care of his younger ones; three of them. He did not go to higher institution but he is committed to making sure his brother's finish their education. I was teasing him one day that what if one of his brothers impregnate a girl, his response touched me. He said if he can pause his life by not thinking of marriage and other luxurious things, they are also obligated to make sacrifices, be responsible and focus.
    What is the point of my story, in as much as you are willing to go all out for your family, they must also make sacrifices. Have a round table discussion with your sisters. Let them know you can't do it alone and you need their help. Encourage them to believe they can make it in life without trading their morals. You bottled too much inside, that is why you are acting up. If you don't let it out, it will cause a strain in your family. Confide in your sisters and make yourself approachable again. You will pull through dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Best Advice!

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    2. Heed to this advice and you will be ok

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    3. Your sisters should be your friend right now.

      You gals should talk more and pls don't try to be bossy.... They are your best shot at sanity cos right now, you are about loosing your mind completely.

      Have that discussion but let them be free also to decide what's best for them. (They can make their mistakes and learn from it also)

      God bless u.



      Hadey Halaba

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    4. A large cup of Caramel Frappe for you.

      Delete
  3. My dear, I feel your pain.

    Sit them together, talk to them and highlight all these things you wrote here calmly and maturely, and also with respect. Maybe, just maybe they will understand your pain.

    I wish you success.


    chim-oma a.k.a Miss Kapusu


    ReplyDelete
  4. Have a discussion with them, it will help alot

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  5. Circumstances are callous. They can come to anyone, rich or poor, man or woman, child or adult. Some are born with it, some are led into it, some are simply misfortune. Consequently, it shatters our hope and everyday we have to find a reason to get out of our beds and face the world and the circumstances with it.
    Cry. frowning upon it as not something associated with "Tough" people...I call that BS. Catharsis is essential and you are already facing tough times that you dont have the energy to prove your toughness to anyone. So yes, give it a good cry, Then just get up and brush it off.
    Open up to your siblings ,they are not kids anymore .....some of their positivity about you will rub off on you as recharged confidence.
    Eventually everything gets better. Either problem becomes irrelevant or reduces over time...even possible you got used to facing it so much that it does register or impact.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Please dnt listen to Linda Eze. You 're a strong girl I must commend you but you need to call your sisters and discuss with them. Dnt make this your affair alone. Dnt be surprise they much stronger than you give them credit for. It's well with you.
    Shalom

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh poster, sweetim u r depressed. Don’t worry it will pass. I’ve been thru it b4. U feel the world is on ur shoulders but my dear it will come to pass. It is well

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  8. My dear, I am a man and I regard your strength and mindset about all you have been doing for your family.please continue, don't go there looking for any marriage of convenience. Don't listen to your father's family.work hard and I bet you,the situation will become easier. Let your siblings emulate you,help one another. Stop crying yourself to sleep, stay determined that you want to be self made. Let love find you.forgive the guy that treated you and your family badly. Stay prayerful and focused. I send my hugs

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are making a common business mistake. You see opportunities and want all of them. You have to be disciplined. The two in school can support you in the salon and the second one can do hair and make up in school. The last one doesn't need to be managing any kind of fashion house. She can have her small machine at Home and sew during holidays or at her convenience. You keep taking your classes

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  10. Sorry for the death of your father. Wish you more strength.

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  11. I understand how u feel...when i read some people's story to think have had it worst since my dad died...family is baggage but it will pass...see allow ur sisters to go for their education and fend for themselves...they might even be d one to easebur burden...i know u are trying to protect them but allow dem...don't allow anyone pressurize u into marriage...and lastly dont date a broke nigga and advise ur sister not to...u are lucky u have what gives u money but don't date a broke nigga they have nothing to offer...

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  12. All I can say to you poster is it is well with you

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  13. Rip to your dad, he is in a better place... Thank God for what you have, your business.... Please don't stop loving your sisters, i agree with you that one of them should pick a school around to be assisting you in your fashion house.... She also will benefit a great deal from it. May God continue to bless and strength you and may your mom get well soon.

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  14. my dear just believe in God and everything will be alright. Try and talk to your sisters, i bet you they will understand.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Pls dnt listen to that queen boss,the first person that commented. She is not good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But what bad thing did she say...all dis people dat made it dey will never tell u d real reason behind their success

      Delete
  16. It is well with you dear. You are a strong lady and may God continue to guide you. I admire your spirit. Talk to your sisters, im sure they will understand. Always know that communication is the first step to take. Learn not to bottle things up, it may lead to depression

    ReplyDelete

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