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Monday, March 12, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm...



STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIRED OF MARRIAGE


Help me Stella , my heart is weak.

We have been trying to conceive for two years now.
My mother in-law goes about telling whoever cares to listen that I am the reason for our childlessness ,that i am only in the marriage to destroy my husband financially and other wise, that her prophetess told her.


 Just last month, my husband and I decided we were going to see the gynecologist, and so we did. We both carried out the necessary test and it happend that my husband has low sperm count of not up to a million, motility is zero, morphology is zero. When it was the supposed date for me to go for HSG , my husband kept calling wanting to know if it was finally done .


 I got home and he was all moody , didn't even ask about the result and I was confused. 

After about 3 hours , he went inside the room where I kept the results and came out at about an hour and asked me about the result, wanting to know if the radiologist explained anything to me. This time, he was looking elated like someone that had a burden lifted up from him. And then he said something that struck me.


He said "by what I saw there , one of your fallopian tubes is blocked while the other is opened , and maybe the opened one might not be okay.
To say I was shocked is an understatement, like you were wishing both tubes were blocked or that I could be the reason for our childlessness.
I see him like someone that hardly admits to anything he does wrong, always justifying his actions by putting the blame on me. 


Right now I am thinking of preparing for a divorce, I can't cope with this anymore , neither with his toxic family that Went about saying I was possessed and I was barren. I hate his family, especially his mother. The thought of his mother disgust me , why because I didn't wrong her in any way but she always had a way of painting me black.


My husband has neither defended me anytime, he always says that his mother says things in the heat of anger.
Now he has low sperm count, zero motility , zero morphology people will think I'm the reason for our childlessness, confirming what his mother that I hate with so much passion said about me.


My husband said I am the reason his sperm count is low that he has too much white blood cells as as result of his blood fighting of infections that he got from me , that the white blood cell is not suppose to be much in his semen, this is exactly what he told the gynecologist and I was there.
I am really tired and I want to leave this marriage


Having to go through the stress of TTC especially when all eyes are on you .
The HSG was hell, imagine being naked in front of 4 people, 3 males and a lady, the whole process, both my vaginal and pelvic region has been hurting for days now.


Moreover my results according to the gynecologist was that I'm okay, one of the tubes is totally free, while the other has an adhesion at the entrance, that it could be because I was tense or it was inflamed so I need antibiotics to flush it.
Now I don't want to know what next step to take for my husband and I.
I just want to divorce him and get my sanity back. 

I don't like him anymore, I just don't feel Happy.


Please I need your advice .

I have been telling him about divorce since the second month we got married and he has been crying and begging. Sometimes he acts like someone about to have an heart attack, there after, he starts coughing uncontrollably. It's terrifying .

How do I go about this, because I can't imagine myself packing all my belongings and running away anytime he is at work, I mean what will people say. 

I just want a clean exit where we can both agree that its not working for us
S§x is zero, we can go two weeks and no s§x. If I try to initiate s§x with him, he starts coughing. I asked him severally if he was gay and he says no.

I have snoop many times and he just has random chats with girls and all , nothing to justify my suspicion about him being gay.

I am really tired. Help me, advice me please.


*Please do not blame your mum in law or other family members,they are reacting to what your man has been feeding them with...They prolly ask him about your trying to conceive state and he begins to feed them with lies and puts the blame on you...please leave them out of this....

I cannot advice you to divorce your man but i can tell you to go for separation for a bit to see how it goes..he also has to be ready to get treated and stop blaming you,you are not the reason he is walking around with half dead sperm..*hisss*

63 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I know his type! So after he got the bad result of his own tests (which I know he probably has been suspecting before now) he decided he is going to wait for you to come back with yours so that he can find some fault in it so he can say ‘after all, it’s not only me, it’s you too’

      Not to mention trying to say he got infection from you. Which is him trying to say that his issues are from you, you made him have low sperm count. Trying to play smart to fool you.

      Woman, be wise!!! Remember you are the daughter of Sarah. Our dear Mother Sarah, when they couldn’t have a child. The Bible says she held on the clothe of her husband Abraham and said ‘ give me a child... or I die’

      Yes oh. And that was even for a woman whose womb was closed oh. How much more your own situation that he is at fault. My dear sister, do not let him fool you. All that is psychological play. Do not take it anymore. Go to his mother and tell her her son is at fault. They need to sort him out and stop blaming you. Tell her his case is hopeless. Tell her you can have a baby with your results. Oh, tell her you want to leave to go have children oh that time waits for no woman...

      Yes ohhhhhhh.... if you want peace and to be treated like an egg in that family, receive sense!!! Gather heart and get control of your life, your marriage.

      Tell her you are ready to leave oh. That time waits for no woman. In fact, start by accusing her that oh, she knew her son couldn’t father a Child and she was saying you are at fault. I hope you are a brave one. It is well with you.

      And yes, you can actually have all the kids you want to have with your result. Do not let him make you feel less for it

      Xxtalking from experience

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    2. I will only tell you to leave while the sun is still shining!!! I am stuck here with two kids to a man who belittles me at every opportunity, I tried calling off the wedding everyone was like people will talk, I tried leaving after the first kid, I kept getting stay u have not settled. If I start to talk!!!

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    3. My husband is worst, he collaborated with the hospital lab technicians to give me fake result. I didn't argue with him I just went to another place and did hormonal test day 3 & 21 and it wasn't same with his. He said where I went to they always do mistake so he recommended one place for me and gave money to go there.

      Knowing that he is familiar with personnel there and they can tamper the result so i gave them diff name and use my mother's maiden name as surname they didn't noticed me coz they usually have crowd (the diagnostic centre at oshodi) and he was surprised when I told him that the resuit is out and it's not same as his.

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    4. My dear stop crying. Your case is so so simple. Forget that his cough and be serious for once and I bet when he sees how serious you are, that cough will disappear. Get his result, photocopy it, meet his mum, talk to her in a good manner, show her the result and tell her not to leak her son's secret but that she should meet any doctor that'll explain what low sperm is. And after, she should come up with a solution from the doctor so that you can help her son. After all, LSC is not a death sentence so your husband should go for the treatment and browse how you can help boost it.
      My dear sister once told her husband that if she mistakenly allow any man touch her, na pregnancy direct, the man head scatter. He calm down by force.
      Also, tell his mum that if her son refuses to go for the treatment that you will walk away for good.
      This will calm the woman's head down incl her son, and that prophetess will change her prayer by force. Fear not dear and trust God more. Your husband is pushing blame on you and you need to stand up and tell.him the truth in his face. Jesus cares

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    5. explain what. all i can see is a selfish man that wants to be right evrytime is that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? aunty you are not happy please leave the marriage. it will probaly be worse when the child comes. imagine if uits only girls you have this seems like the kind of family were youy will be crucified for having girls. God has shown you a way out leave and be happy, then g and marry someone that doesnt have low sperm count shikena.

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  2. Madam poster, why not explain the result to him? Make him know that he's not ok and then you guys should decide on the way forward.
    Don't divorce yet, go for treatment with him, if he doesn't want to go, then threaten him with divorce, let him cough his way to the hospital.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahahahahahaha @cough his way to the hospital

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    2. @Zinny chocolate Gosh my ribs, laughing out loud literally at "Don't divorce yet, go for treatment with him, if he doesn't want to go, then threaten him with divorce, let him cough his way to the hospital" Shit cracked my ribs hard.

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    3. I will give his results to his mother if I were you.

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  3. Hmmm that his sudden cough when he needs to answer questions or react is no ordinary. He probably already knew he had issues before he married you and to be honest you probably saw these signs but went ahead to marry him with his troublesome mother for you to have sought a divorce two months in.
    Stress and unhappiness might hinder conception if at all you both have no fertility issues. A supportive man is the best thing that can happen to any woman.
    If I were you I would fight for myself and sanity. I won't allow his mother call me names when I know who the issue lies with and why is he claiming he got infections from you? Have you been cheating or what his he insinuating.
    Anyway, you married this man and chose him so you must have seen something in him. Take some time off and re evaluate these reasons before you decide to throw in the towel. It's painful I know but don't be in a hurry. Communicate with him as couple's do,stop snooping and ask him why he derives joy in mocking you. He either married you because he loves you or just to cover his shame. You both should discuss and decide if you want to do this before you bring in a child to suffer because a child won't heal these wounds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 👍👍

      But it's difficult to know all the problems from onset. Just like seasons, people change.

      Delete
  4. I don't know why women get the shitty end of the stick. Talk to him about the medical report and see if he can reason with you and commence treatment. It's not all the time you run to divorce as a solution, communication and treatment will solve the problem....

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    Replies
    1. anonymous donor12 March 2018 at 16:51

      With motility and morphology zero, your chances of having a baby for him is almost zero. How can something wey no get good form, no get movement go take move all the way from ur vay j through the cervix to d tubes?. If it was me, I'll go see or call the mil and tell her that her sons sperm does not move, and is abnormal and d count is allso very low. Don't ask ur hubby before telling her. He'll beg u. Just tell d her. Also that u have both tubes open, that d other one was due to your non-relaxation. Please Hun, serve this revenge hot!. Tell few close people that "doctor said he is d problem.". We depend on you to break this sad cycle for women. To leave or not leave a situationship like yours where u are with an psychological abuser is your decision. Na u sabi wetin u dey wait. Baby he cannot give you, peace of mind he cannot give you, love he cannot give, hot steamy s€x he cannot give. What is his function in your life??

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    2. anonymous donor12 March 2018 at 16:52

      Meanwhile, this man lackss sense. How do u reason or communicate with someone like that. Zer9o motility? Never heard of a treatment

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    3. My husband has zero % motility and no treatment has been offered by our doctors oh! They told us sperm donor straight up - no treatment option. I didnt even know zero % motility could be treated. If it was treatable, I am sure they would have placed him on a course of treatment....

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    4. you are on point. Speak out.

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    5. The root cause of it is traced n corrected via surgery, it could be a blockage or infection/hormonal, drugs are prescribed for it n blockage corrected via surgery, some naija docs are quick to pass diagnosis but no solution cos they wanna send u straight to donor sperms.

      Delete
  5. Poster, it is well o.
    The irony of this life.... While I was told I had multiple fibroids and PID and was adviced to marry asap and try to have kids.... I just found out that I'm pregnant, about 2 months but my boyfriend is doing strong head... Saying I should abort it. Me I don't want to abort coz I've been depressed since the fibroid diagnosis... I see it answered prayer.

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  6. So Nollywood movies are truly based on real life experience

    Mrs poster have watched a movie similar to your Family issue, am quite sure your husband is impotent, and as a result he starts coughing sheepishly whenever you initiate sex


    just as Stella has advised please don't blame your mother in law, she's only acting based on what your husband has been telling her..

    secondly talk to your husband to see a doctor so that they can proffer solution to his problem, i understand he's ashamed and depressed and in other to feel better he then tries to heap all the blame on you....


    And as for you why rush into marriage and after 2years of TTC and already begging to rush out.... Haba it's for better for worse you know...



    Whats nextttt!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just watched a movie similar to her wahala.
      Ruth Kadiri and Alex

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  7. "I have been telling him about divorce since the second month we got married and he has been crying and begging." So this problem started after just two months of marriage?! As in two month?

    I hate it personally when people don't understand scientific problems and labeled them on demonic opressions. It's pathetic that your husband isn't Man enough to take his problems to where it can be solved. Many African families are sadly like your husband's. When there's no solution after just few months of marriage, they begin to ignorantly blame the Wife.

    My advice is that, don't divorce him. It's difficult but we've to accept the oath of marriage of 'for better for worse.' This scenario is part of the worse you once happily proclaimed. I'm sorry you've to go through this.

    I suggest you wake him up in the early hours say 4 or 5am, if he cares to listen and I'm pretty sure, he would and discuss how you need to settle the issue together seeing and confirming "you ain't the only one with the problems" Allow him to suggest how you two can overcome the situation. There's a saying that when you allow people to talk long enough, you'll know their true intentions.

    You need to be patient, at least you've some leverage over him. Since he cries anytime you come up with divorce. But don't threaten him too much with that weapon. Tell him how sad you're because he isn't understanding.

    And most importantly, pray. There's no impossibility with God.

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  8. Pls leave that toxic environment!!
    Just leave cus ure being choked to death! You need to think, healthy thoughts cant be conceived in a decontaminated atmosphere.
    Cal it divorce, seperation or time out.... you need to be away & think clearly

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  9. How can your husband be coughing at the mention of sex and divorce? Is he battling with any other cough diseases because I don't really understand him?
    Anyways, this situation is dicey and beyond me. Over to the married BVs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coupled with all this problems he’s a brokeass
      No wonder you want to flee sharp sharp

      Delete
  10. Eayah na wa. May God help you to overcome this problem Amen.

    Since you are tired, give him time and stay apart for some months and see how it goes. Since he knows what is wrong with him, he will try and do the best.

    Sorry about your marriage ish, it is well with your soul

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  11. Pls do not divorce him. Both of you should Vist a counsellor not pastor o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Madam who counsellor epp? They are even worse that pastors. Single, never married lady be posing as counsellor, what does she know? Abegi......nextttttt

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  12. Poster your type of husband is bad,the type of husband that makes marriage hell,always looking for who to blame,they will never take responsibility gor their fault/mistake,don't divorce him,what u need is few month of seperation to cool off and be sane again,u guys need space for the love to ignite,you will be alright.triplet fall on you

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  13. Poster u r d one wearing d shoe n you alone knows where n how it hurts. If your spirit says u should divorce pls do but according to d bible dats if u want to follow religion u r not allowed to remarry. My dear dat man is toxic follow your heart. The is no place where it is written DAT divorce is a sin n de is no place where dey wrote in our Bible DAT marriage is for better for worse.

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  14. Calm down!
    He's not gay.
    It's just pressure.
    He's just voicing his suspicion n fears, not wishing both tubes were closed, any slight issue with tubes affect conception, both ur situations are very treatable, una no get problem sef, just to impatient individuals.
    AGAIN, sine u wanna go, go, don't start clutching at what people will say or ask him to go n test his virility outside then use that as an escape, na suggestion o, since u wan pack.

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    Replies
    1. Which yeye suspicion was he voicing? He wish she had problem too, that way both of them will be even. What a man!

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  15. Please, carry your mother/father/ trusted sibling along since he's also informing his own people. How can someone that has low sperm count be blackmailing you, that can even birth more than one children. He even coughs when you're supposed to have serious "something". Thanks for opening my eyes, I have one toaster that also coughs stupidly whenever I ask serious questions. He even takes it to wtsapp by typing " cough" anytime I throw a sensitive question to him.

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  16. I'm sure he's among the people that belong to the school of thought that infertility is a female issue and so he's living in denial. Poster I understand what you're going through. Why don't you talk to someone about it, probably someone older and more experienced in marriage. A problem shared is half solved you know. Finally just say a prayer that God gives you strength during this period because this too among others will definitely pass.

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  17. Eyah.... It's not easy TTC o. May God see you through the pains of TTC. But your husband sef na wah! I wouldn't advice you to leave him. Maybe you need a vacation or sth to relax your mind. It is well madam.

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  18. God pls fix this marriage.there is no perfect marriage, give it your best shot before walking away. People have heard worst medical report but still later birth their kids.cheers.

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  19. Madam. You and your hubby need a vacation far away from your mil and other toxic people around you. Just cut them off and avoid third party in your marriage

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  20. You are at the finish line and you want to leave? Better stay and put that man and his mum in their place! Your husband knows he is impotent but had been feeding his family with lies. As for the pain after hsg, takes lots of water and exercise. I recommend that intending couples run a seminal fluid analysis and pelvic scan before marriage. Imams and pastors should recommend this, the blood tests are not enough!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous - Her husband is infertile not impotent.... There is a big difference between the two. Thank me later. :)

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  21. I Disagree with that statement blaming the poster for seeing signs before marriage. I can tell you that Men change after marriage. During courtship they cover up their loopholes cos they are afraid the babe might run away. After marriage voila they start opening their can of worms. In that situation you would just be shocked and pray for wisdom cos e no easy but with God it can be easy.
    Poster Marriage is for better or worse. Sad to say but the situation you are in its part of the worse. You have to deal with it. Pray for your home always. Seperation can yeild temptation o. Discuss the issue with your husband. Invite God into the matter, I can assure you things would be better.
    There are people that give birth to children without fallopian tubes or even wombs. There are men that are father's today who doctors said they can't have their own children. There are testimonies of men without testicles who impregnated their wives.
    Miracles happen only if you believe. Your marriage can even change for the best.

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    Replies
    1. Hahahhahaa - I can relate to your comment. When we were dating, my husband used to be first to dress up and harass me about going to church. First oh! no need to bug or remind him at all. He was the one pushing me making me think he loved God so much. Once we said "I do", chai! Come and see excuses unlimited about going to church - "baby I am busy" I have so much to do.... To go to church na wahala...

      Delete
  22. Poster, please this is not a major issue that cannot be resolved. People with bigger conception issues still conceive and bears children.
    Calm down with the divorce threat, talk to him and both of you should visit a good hospital for proper treatment. You will soon dedicate your twins. Cheer up. As for your mother in law, dont blame her because most mothers would act that way on behalf of their sons. You shall testify.

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  23. Poster, sorry for your discomforts,marriage is not easy at all, and men are so full of shits,take it easy, do not be in a hurry to leave your marriage.
    All you need is a little time on your own, no husband, no hassle, no doctors, just you. Pray and seek the face of God first concerning your decision,and your MIL is one hell of a toxic woman, u need to pray to God, to change her,she must not like you o,but she must allow peace to reign in your marriage.
    I know you will have babies, trust in God and speak to your womb everyday.Your marriage can work if u want it to, but if u don't, there's no magic or manual for a successful marriage, good luck

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  24. Thank God I didn't marry when I was naive, even if I marry and I no understand the marriage again, I will just quietly leave. I cannot come and kill myself. It's well poster, the Lord is ur strength.

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  25. Sorry but the way you described your husband made me laugh. Especially the coughing crying and begging part 🤣🤣🤣 there are different levels to narcissism. You should read it up. Extreme ones don't like being blamed for anything.

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    Replies
    1. God bless you. Serious narcissistic human . If you know what is good for you read about it and run for your life

      Delete
  26. Stella you are so right! Posters husband will definitely be feeding his family a whole lot of lies. I know mine is doing that right now.

    We have been TTC for about 5 years.... After our tests, we were told I have blocked tubes and fibroids but the doctors were unwilling to operate on the fibroids no matter how much I begged for them to be removed. They said it is better to attempt IVF with a tummy that has not been operated upon. My husband was told he had low sperm count, zero % motility. We were told that we should seriously consider a sperm donor but because it was our first attempt, they decided to use his sperm even though it had zero motility and gbogboye.

    On the day of the IVF, he was crying crocodile tears and could not produce any sperm no matter how hard we tried. Meanwhile, I had undergone egg collection that morning oh! They asked us to go to the toilet and for me to help him but still nothing! HE was busy crying crocodile tears! They had to use his frozen sperm and it did not work. I produced 8 eggs, four were fertilized and 2 implanted but the procedure failed. I was told later on told by the lab during my follow up appointment that the fertilised embryo quality was not very good and that it was "full of holes". I attribute that to my husband's poor sperm quality since the eggs collected were good quality.

    We attempted a second IVF the next year - the doctors told us the procedure would have to be with donor sperm. I paid for the drugs and started the injections. Two months later, hubby was meant to pay for the procedure but he said he did not have the money and we had to discontinue the treatment. My hopes of having a baby dashed before they even begun! All the injections I had pumped inside me all for nothing! If he had made it obvious from the start, maybe I would have made allowance for back up (payment) in case he did not provide the money but he blindsided me and pulled the no money stunt. Since than, we (well, mostly I) have been hoping for a miracle.

    Today nko? I just discovered my 50 year old oga has been actively trying (for at least the past 3 years) with 20 year olds for a baby and begging them to have a baby for him. He has been publicising my fibroids & blocked tubes to his relatives (I foolishly gave him soft copies of my test results) and forgotten that he has low sperm count (zero % motility) that cannot get a cockroach pregnant. Men are so callous!

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    Replies
    1. Chaiiiii. Sorry ooo. This is too bad. The Lord is your strength.

      I will say it again Nigerian men are not brought up to be good husbands. They are just incredibly unbelievably selfish!

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    2. Gosh. Is this what women see in marriage? What happened to love and partnership? Na wa oh

      Delete
  27. Dear Poster,

    TTC is hard and having an unsupportive spouse makes it more unbearable. Im so so sorry ypu have to go through this all alone. Its such an emotional rollercoaster that I wouldn't even wish my enemy having experienced it myself .
    I usually dont comment but I had to encourage you as my husband and I were in exact same position 3 years ago but we fought for each other and protected each other from our families . My hubby also had low count and motility and one of my tubes were blocked with adhesion. But we never lost faith and never told anyone except my Pastor. I told my family i was the one with the problem as my tubes were blocked. Hubby told his pole he was the one with the problem and even showed them his test results to get them off our backs. Na prayer dem just dey pray for us. Hubby was placed on drugs and i had my tubes flushed and i got preggos after lots of prayers as well . Our child a year plus now. So dont give up. Its not a problem that doesn't have solution but the both of you need to be united even before God.

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    Replies
    1. U were lucky he had your back

      Delete
  28. Wow....God bless my husband
    TTC alone is not easy then u have to cope with all this negativities, pls leave for some times and see..ur husband is impotent and he knows, he's just trying to put the blame on u to feel better...

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  29. Dear poster, I understand what you are going through because I have been there. To the Glory of God I have birthed 4 kids with only one tube. The second tube is completely blocked. My husband was also diagnosed with severe azospermia and poor motility and that period was hellish for me cos most Men hate to be the with the problem. After lots of prayers and major changes in both our lifestyles we are now proud parents. I must warn you that this road will not be an easy one. He must make efforts make things work. He must let go of his pride and be willing to seek help. you too must be empathetic because his ego is on the line. The only thing can recommend divorce is if you find out that he has always been aware of his issues, then the marriage was based on lies which is a major ground for annullment. May God grant you wisdom

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  30. Poster...it's only God that can fix this situation. Believe me when a situation becomes tough, your miracle is near......keep on trusting God.....He will come through for you....

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  31. why are men so?my own eh can nag for africa,and always looking for who to blame,infact mine is a story 4 another day

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  32. Poster! Poster!! How many times didn't I call u? Your husband sounds like a man who will either poison u or send assassins after u to cover his shame. Don't threaten to divorce him. Leave d house, tell ur people all about it, show them d results and serve him a divorce from ur hideout. At ds stage, SAVE UR LIFE FIRST!!!
    #Lavidaloca

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  33. I dread conception delay in marriage...it's the worst challenge of life that any couple will ever go thru...I don't wish it on my enemy. Poster I pray God grants you wisdom.

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    Replies
    1. Pls say what u u know, conception delay isn't d worst challenge in marriage pls, speak for itself. I will send my story another day. Ow couples handle any challenge makes it a manageable or terrible case.

      Delete
  34. You have my sympathy, young woman. There is nothing new under the sun. Even though, you are married, you are still your parent's daughter. Visit your parents and let them know what is going on because if they are still married, their marital experience can play a big part in what you do next. No matter how smart of intelligent you are, this is not a situation you can solve or handle on your own. This is not a time to apportion blame on your husband or his family, you picked him, you must have met his mother before marriage, if she did not show these traits, then you will learn from this. This is a time of sober reflection for you, you got yourself into this, how do you get out of it with little or no blood on your hands. When you inform your parents on your situation, I hope they would play a good parental role and give you all the support you would need to move to the next stage of your life. The good thing is that you can conceive. I wish you all the best as you sort your situation out. God bless you, young woman.
    It is what it is, I wish you all the best as you sort your situation out.

    ReplyDelete

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