Na wah oh...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CHRONICLES OF AN 'ABROADIAN' HUBBY
my name is mariam and I hope you remember me,actually I had been a silent die hard fan of yours while you were still writing articles for the magazine and I don't know if you still remember bro kunle,anyways back to my story even though I don't know where to start from but I just want to unburden my heart,its too heavy with aches and pains and I hope you will forgive me for the long drama.
I never knew what a father and mother's love was despite the fact that my parents were alive,I left my mother bussom at the early age of two being passed from one sister to the other,I managed to survive all the abuse both emotional and physical all because I was very intelligent then and before you know it I was able to make a way for myself and start feeding those who thought I will never make it in life,fast forward to my thirties I met this abroad guy and there my tales of woes and abuse started....
Mind you the abuse is not physical but I am a type of lady that when you talk harshly to me I tend to withdraw into a shell and clam up,along the way I got pregnant for him and he said okay despite the fact that I didn't want to keep the baby but thank God I did because she is the Apple of my eyes now,he lied oh :::
my God he is a liar and I wonder where I had gone wrong,mind you I had never dated a young guy before because I was looking for a father figure in all my relationships,I loved my father so much and older men has always been my weakness and so this guy is 15 years older and the most handsome hunky Yoruba demon you could ever think of,he lied to me from the onset that he only had a child abroad and he is divorced but later I got to know that he has about 6 children from 3 different women and up till now he is still hiding the fact from me and keeps on lying.
The most painful part is that this guy asked me or even fought me to leave my job as a secretary for a very big company on the island because he said the men around my office will be sleeping with me and that is a decision am still regretting till date because since then he had not done a single thing for me,his sisters used me like a rag,anytime he comes to Nigeria its always stressful,I kept away from friends and family because I don't want to make him mad at me,he turned me to a total recluse and I practically begged him for feeding money for me and my daughter,he rented a flat for us though but he treats us as if we don't deserve more.he promised to open a shop for me but for where its always one excuse or the other for a guy who has spent 32 years abroad and is a bona fide citizen:
I had three miscarriages because I was not able to see a good gynae anytime I was pregnant,I was still working and earning well while pregnant with my daughter so I was able to take care of my high risk pregnancy then but since I left the job I spent all my money on bills and what's nots,I am not a materialistic person because I had a good life while working and then this guy came and derail my plans and my dreams.
I am so ashamed of my self right now it is hurting inside,now he has exhausted his sperm on every woman and to sleep with me is now a problem despite the fact that he knows how badly I need another child,he is jealous,possessive and diabolic,he managed to give me 100k last year and I was able to get a container in front of my house and now am selling provisions in bits and pieces,to pay his daughter school fees is a problem for him and I beg and cajole anytime I need money from him,all he does is show off by wearing expensive things and riding expensive cars while I don't even know how to drive and I dare not take a picture inside his car.
Now he is in Nigeria and he is telling me that he does not have the intention of taking me or my child abroad so we should be here in Nigeria while he comes once in two years to see us,Stella if you see me you will open your mouth wondering if indeed I have an Abroadian husband,but I thank God am a survivor and not a lazy person so I know I will get there one day,so many things to say but I am not in the right frame of mind now but I will still send another mail to you soon.moreover I stopped praying for him a while ago because I need the prayers for myself.
Thank you so much and may the good lord continue to listen and answer you as you listen and answer we your bvs despite the fact that you know us from nowhere,stay blessed.
*Most guys abroad do not like their Nigerian wifes to relocate to where they are because my dear their story is dirty and most times they are scared they cannot control you anymore.
This your own sounds like one chance oh...How can he not pay his daughters
fees?na wah oh
Na wa! This one pass me. Omo, na to double your hustle remain.
ReplyDeleteYou are complaining about school fees and yet you are looking for another child, is it the hair in your armpit you will use and raise that one? Sometimes I wonder what God would be thinking hearing all sorts of prayers, at your age its as if you dint have sense. Did he marry you? Cus it’s as if he just rented a house for you, better face your business. This is why rich people keep getting rich and poor people keep doing rubbish
DeleteI'm not surprised at all as I live abroad and have had my own shocking experience. Trouble is, this still won't stop our greedy girls from pursuing men from abroad. I don't know why they don't think they can immigrate through their own efforts. The men here are unbelievable but you wouldn't believe it until you have experienced them for yourself. You would look back and thank God for home based guys...
DeleteLol@ Push up
DeleteIf only our girls will avoid all these men from abroad. They have nothing to offer you girls. The women dt go with them here do everything for themselves. They are lazy and they are users.
DeleteWhy would a woman give up her job for a man that is not Otedola or Dangote? How can you be so silly as to do that? And as if the struggles you face now is not enough, you want him to use his public pingy on you again and get you pregnant. Have you finished taking care of the one you have? Why do you ppl cause unnecessary pains on innocent kids. Did you post this to seek advice or to report your public Dick of a husband. Thank God he has not given you something beyond pregnancy. I am vexing.
Is it Johnbull aka Charles that live in germany. If na him tell me make I yarn u him story well well. It look like he is the one.
DeletePoster your foolishness is on another level. A man that did not marry you asked you to resign and you did, you have not been able to cater for your only child and you are looking for another one, don't you think you deserve better, why will you sit and wait for a man that cannot even change your life? He rented a flat for you, were you living in the gutter? Having no parental love is not an excuse to live in self pity all your life. I am 38years, I've never set my eyes on my father since I was born. Mum had to work in different states, I grew up with mum's relatives and I saw hell, but it did not stop me from graduating from the university, getting married and birthing 3 kids. I live abroad now and my hubby is in nigeria. Point is get a grip and stop this silly pity party and husband syndrome. Clean up yourself, you've got a kid, stop waiting for a man who has no value or respect for you. Only you can change your situation.
DeletePoster your foolishness is on another level. A man that did not marry you asked you to resign and you did, you have not been able to cater for your only child and you are looking for another one, don't you think you deserve better, why will you sit and wait for a man that cannot even change your life? He rented a flat for you, were you living in the gutter? Having no parental love is not an excuse to live in self pity all your life. I am 38years, I've never set my eyes on my father since I was born. Mum had to work in different states, I grew up with mum's relatives and I saw hell, but it did not stop me from graduating from the university, getting married and birthing 3 kids. I live abroad now and my hubby is in nigeria. Point is get a grip and stop this silly pity party and husband syndrome. Clean up yourself, you've got a kid, stop waiting for a man who has no value or respect for you. Only you can change your situation.
DeleteJust one question- when did you get married and who came for your wedding because I didn't see anything about you getting married all I read about is you getting pregnant.
ReplyDeleteMy mind too
DeleteNnaaa mehn, the kind of chronicles in recent times makes me tremble
Deleteit seems the ladies that come to this blog just come to play instead of
learning life lessons which abound here.
Once they hear "abroad/marriage", their vjs are open and dripping and begging
for their tummies to be filled with babies -pregnancies, abortions, miscarriages
job resignations, etc. All these lists without a dime paid as dowry?
This is frightening.
And imagine this poster calling a wayfarer "husband"; a man that just comes to
Nigeria to drill your hole, deposit everything evil he ever collected abroad
and goes back while you sulk and cry?
I'm so angry right now. Thank God this poster is not my sister. I can't place her level of stupidity abeg.
DeleteHe didn't pay your bride price so why are you calling him your husband?,..
ReplyDeleteMy dear he owes you nothing!....
Move on with your life and stop depending on him!...
Me sef I tire. this babe sounds like a dunce. So the guy doesn't take care of you and your daughter yet you are complaining that you desperately need another child? you are complaining that he doesn't sleep with you? is that the kind of man you want to sleep with? Madam you are not married please stop forming proverbs 31 woman ontop yoruba demon. get up clean your self up and start dating.. You think it's hard to find a husband with a child? please move on stop forming loyalty to a man who isn't loyal to you there are plenty of older guys, some divorced, some widowers that would marry you in a heart beat.
DeleteAs insensitive as Queen sounds, she's right! Poster, u got a job before, u can get another one. I'm not saying u should abandon ur container o but try and get a job to increase ur income and when u know u can stand on ur own, please move on. U guys are not married, stop trying to get pregnant for him o, u can't take care of one, u want to add another one. Don't bring a child to this world to suffer o.
DeleteMove on!
Dalu nwannem
DeleteI don't know ooohh....
DeletePoster,move on and get your life back! He didn't pay a dime on your head. What rubbish husband??! No ring, no love, no care, no money. 6 children, no vacation not to talk about foreign passport to relocate with. And you're there praying and complaining? My dear, you won't get ANYWHERE if you don't get a mentality change. Better pick up your child and leave those fake promises and face your life squarely.
And please!! Dont even let me slap you about having another baby. Like... why you so dumb?
DeleteChikito, if you cannot use your slap, let me borrow and add mine to it and scatter it on this poster's face. Maybe that will reset her brain.
DeleteHe is all these things and yet you want him to sleep with you and give you another child because you need one badly? The Lord is your strength o as he gives you wisdom to decide on what you want exactly.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, when it seems like God isn’t answering or listening it’s because we are chaotic and noisy about our needs. This your story doesn’t even make sense because I don’t get why you still want to bear a child for a man who isn’t even taking care of you or the ones you already have.
Going to the beach, I don’t have time for all these house wives tales by moonlight.
From your story it doesn't look like he married you properly so why are you giving him power over your life. A man that has 6kids from 3different women and your miscarriages due to lack of health care should tell you the kind of man you dealing with,you shouldn't even be asking for another child cause you will be indirectly doing to your kids what was done to you by denying them that home(father and mother love). Move on from him let him be a father to your daughter if he wants but that should be all and dust your cv and start reapplying for a better job
DeleteGlad u have something doing. Focus on that. With all u said about him, u still want him always w u?
ReplyDeletePlan your life and your future. One day at a time.
Use his absence to better ur life. Set targets and goals for yourself to achieve and work towards them.
Are you mad or just stupid and dumb you want to have another child for who I dare you need to get your act together and forget that Matt
ReplyDeleteChaiii. I pray your help locates you sooner in this situationship
ReplyDeleteIs your destiny tied to his? Is it a must you have another child now? Can't you divorce him and get yourself together? The only child you have now is not well taken care of by this your money miss road horseband and you still want to have another one for him.
ReplyDeleteFor every working class ladies, any day a man tell you to resign your job without any tangible business to fall back on is the day you sell out your independent. Men use this to control women so that they will depend full on them, hence you will beg for everything from him, it's a tool to bring women under their slavery, please ladies, don't ever do this.
*Larry was here*
I tire for this woman, another child in this condition that you are?
DeleteYou are so correct
DeleteLife most times are full of shit and irresponsible folks. The grass is not always greener, may God fix things up for you and give you the peace and happiness you desired.
ReplyDeleteWhat this abroad abroad fever will cause ehn. You left your job *sighs
ReplyDeleteOlder men are more caring neh?
ReplyDeleteI feel u made a mistake marrying him...
What did he promise u? Trips abroad?relocation? Its hard to see an old man without kids n ex wives...
Now sex issa problem...
My dear, either u get out or stay in.
And she still wan born another child! Should I say "tueh"!
ReplyDeletePlease manage him like that.
Oh dear,you are in a very unfortunate situation, if you guys aint married legally i would advice you move on, it will most likely not get better.
ReplyDeleteWhen it sounds or look too good to be true, it usually is... most girls will quickly see it as an answered prayer or their call finally picked by God, 4gettin the devil makes calls too & has minions all over the globe. Too many young girls are falling victim.
ReplyDeleteA wise Chinese man said to me.. "As u make ur bed, so you'd lie on it"
So this man is this terrible, why then do you desperately need more children from him?? It's well sha!
ReplyDeleteI see no marriage here. You're his baby mama. I do hear that older husbands are more caring and responsible. Has that belief changed?
ReplyDeleteAnd you still want another child from him like seriously.
ReplyDeleteA very foolish woman, with a stupid mentality. MuSt u take a picture in his car? Is it a big deal? Being abroad doesn't make one rich. Most people abroad have normal 9 to 5 jobs. Smfh..In this situation u still want to have another child...Madam, you are your own problem. The only problem here is you, and not the mad guy.
ReplyDeleteFrom you story, you are not married to him so why are you referring to him as your husband?
ReplyDeleteSecondly, how dare you quit your job for a man? What kind of person are you really? Someone asked you to quit and you quit? A boyfriend o. Even husband I won't quit unless he is giving me money to start up something good immediately and that amount must be worth it. Not manageable amount
Thirdly, how dare you want another child from this person who isn't your husband with all this complaint you have about him? You can barely feed your daughter and you want another child from someone who isn't paying his daughters fees or taking up her responsibilities? How low is your self esteem?
What do you need us to say so that you can have self esteem and leave that boy alone and make a future for your self?
I also need advice my boyfriend who base in UK want me to get pregnant for him before he will come and see my people, am afraid according to him he said he doesn't have a wife or kids anywhere his 43 while am 29
ReplyDeleteI don't know if what he want is the child or both of us although he promise to rent an apartment for me and my band if am pregnant pls my fellow bvs advice me should I get pregnant for him or I should let him go, he will come back to Nigeria next month for his holiday
I don't know if he will abound me and my baby or he will take my baby as away from me after birth or will he do as he promise mind you he is a good man he takes care of some of my bills I don't know if he will change form good to worst if am pregnant am confused
Test
ReplyDeleteI dare to say that vagina is the easiest entrance in this world; at least Nigeria at the moment!
ReplyDeleteOl boy, see how ladies are resigning plum jobs and getting pregnant for men that they don't even
know jack about?
Sorry woman, you made your choice and know that the "Yoruba demon" did not rape you or
force you at gun point to abandon your job or have a child. All were your choices.
Brace up to work again and fend for your child. You do not have a husband or boyfriend.
Go to those your former bosses and explain yourself, accept your mistakes and plead for
help to get back on your feet again. Above all, free this man from your heart,
make peace with God for you have wandered.
Poster, what do you need another child for? Does the suffering turn you on? Do you get high on living from hand to mouth? Do you feel children with sensible parents have two heads? Are.you.alright?
ReplyDeletePlease you need to find a job, be an example to your daughter, stop hanging on to a man that does not think you are worth much. You are an adult, close your legs please. Your baby girl should not see this as a way to live her life. You are not being a good example right now. A man with 6 children from 3 women is who you want to become attached to?
Please be sensible and think with your head. You are a single mother and your child deserves better. You are embarrassing yourself by staying put just so you know. Want better and do better!
My dear Poster. Most of these abroad guys are scarmers. It happened to me. He told me to resign from my comfy job and join him. I hasitated. He put so much pressure without even making effort for me to visit him. But want me to visit.I then decided to go there without him financial assistance or letter of invitation. He noticed he stopped calling when i mentioned that i needed letter of invitation.
ReplyDeleteI Processed the papers and visited. Put up with a relative and called him. He was shocked. He came over and picked me to his house, pleaded with me to move from the relative's house to his. 1. This is a man who did not add a kobo to my ticket.
That vist was an eye opener for me and its a gist for another day.I really thank God for not resigning from my job despite pressure and golden as it looked.
Today,i have grown to top management staff of the company, doing so well in life and can afford to tavel as often as i like. He is even a miss fit for me now. Am balling!!!
No woman should leave her job for any oversea man. Its not worth the stress.
Poster, focus on your kid and blank him out. You wouln't even like it over there. Its a different ball game altogether.
No man respect a woman who is solely dependent on him. All that glitters is not gold
Good luck as you learn to fend for yourself and child. Dont try making another baby with him. You will be in perpetual bondage
Keep yourself well, another man will come. A word is enough for the wise
May God see you through
Please share the story so we can learn. Too many fraudsters in the abroad
DeleteIs that not how a guy too was pestering me to leave my bank job in Abuja and move to PH. A man that hasn't married me. That he will get me a job when I get there. Because my bank couldn't do transfer. I was actually even considering it.
DeleteI just started noticing he was getting distant. I will bring up our proposed introduction. He will change the topic.
That Is how I found out he had engaged another girl in PH and their wedding was in 3months.
I almost died.
Imagine if I had quite my job. Where will I be today. Useless men everywhere.
Never quit your job for any man.
I have been promoted twice since then. And I am dating someone I met in the line of my work in that same bank.
Hope to do our intro dec and wedding next year.
And I am 37yrs old and still not desperate as these young girls.
My dear anony, I'm older than you and in the abroad but I do tueh when those men come my way. I should be running from pillar to post looking for a husband but I can't deal with those nuisance called abroad men. I feel pains when I see how girls run after them in Nigeria.
DeleteMaybe she wants her children from one man but my dear have some sense. Wanting another child with all you wrote here is wicked. Concentrate on training the one you already have and while at it leave that man alone.
ReplyDeleteWhat do u need another child for? I dont think that should be your main focus now. Better dust yourself and try to get another job and move on. You are not married to that man, so u are free to move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteYou quit your job for someone that do not marry you?what were you thinking?,you are still even begging him to sleep with you so that you can birth another child? Suffering is indeed in your blood
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are in a "situationship" with a horse, not a man.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when I ask some of my friends why they want more children when they are begging everybody to help take care of the ones they already have, they just simply tell me that it's because I don't have yet. My dear poster pls don't make your child suffer by adding more misery to what is on ground.
ReplyDeleteDickmatization is real . She even wants to born anoda pikin when she can barely feed and cater for the one she has.
ReplyDeleteMake I borrow that una laughter
Ikwakwakwakwakwakwakwa
I gave up when he told her point blank that he wants to be in Nigeria and wouldn't want them to come over yet she's still not getting the message.
ReplyDeleteYour priority now should be how to fix your life and daughter's and forget about this scammer you called horseband. Dissociate yourself and plan your life afresh. Please do not think of another child in this your situation. Do not allow him to deceive you again.
Don't bring a child to suffer. They don't deserve it, at least if you plan well for them and things go south they'll appreciate that you made effort but not cos of a selfish reasons.
ReplyDeleteNawa oooooo. This one weak me.
ReplyDeleteYou don chop weed finish.
DeleteI would never understand Nigerian women sha
ReplyDeleteWhy do you badly need a second child
He can’t pay school fees of the first and you want another one?
You should be thinking of a job and not another pregnancy that would take you back to square one.Please don’t bring another child into that toxic union.That child does not deserve it .