She also stated categorically that she is not a fan of Bride Price.
She said, "If you go back in history, the idea of marriage is different from what it is today. The idea of Bride Price was fundamentally the man taking gifts to the wife's family, but there was also an exchange of gifts. There are things the brides family will also give to the grooms family.
There was an exchange and it was a bit more fluid. Now, there is a commercialism to the whole Idea that I really find disgusting.
I think we really need to rethink the ways that marriages are being done because it is dangerous in so many levels that many men who think that after all he paid thousands and so she belongs to me and so If i decide that she should stop working, she should stop. I am not a fan of Bride Price!
*Well I understand Chimamanda's message very well but we need to be careful how we make this sound.I have a friend who says her daughter will wed without Bride price so that if the Marriage goes wrong she can easily walk away without having one man tie her down by refusing to collect....I understand what she means perfectly well but in the Nigerian perspective would a woman who is married without bride price be respected by the in laws?
just wondering!
Did Chimamanda's husband pay bride price before he married her?it would be nice to know if she refused that her family collects.
Speak it baby! Speak it!
ReplyDeleteSome men dont allow their wives to visit her parents after marriage because of how the girl's family extorted them during trad.
His inlaws cant visit his house as well. It happens very well in the east.
I know the bride price is a traditional symbol but some greedy families have hijacked it totally and made it into a money making venture.
During my intro my father nearly walked out one of his kinsmen that was harassing my husband's people for bags of rice and cartons of beer.
My father kept reducing the lists until his brothers kinsmen started compianing. People that I don't even know half of their names.
Till date my inlaws cant stop talking about what my dad did. Their respect for my family soared cos they know that we are not hungry people. They still talk about it years later.
I think when the bride's family demands too much it portrays them as hungry and greedy and makes them lose value in the eyes of the groom.
Any bride price wey pass 10k issa scam.
Who created the collecting of bride price- men. Who set the amount of bride price to be paid- men. Who does it affect the most- men. Who is complaining bitterly about bride price- men. Who can sort out the problem- men. Please men leave women out of this argument because when you were creating the law you did not ask for women’s opinion.
DeleteCome and take handshake or you want odeku
DeleteVery well said, the same men that created bride price to suit themselves are the same men complaining that they can’t marry because it’s too high to pay, they never thought of how it will affect the bride getting married. It is only when issues affect men that it becomes a problem.
DeleteAnon 11:39....very well said.
DeleteMeanwhile isn't it funny how suddenly everyone agrees with Chimamanda?Isn't she the big bad FEMINIST who wants to teach their long-suffering, fit-for-martyrdom women how to be disrespectful?
I can't get over this debate.For once,Nigerian men have become feminists.Willingly o.Just because it suits their purposes.
Hmmmmmmm
DeleteStella, I was just going to ask ur last question.
ReplyDeletePeople need to know that the bride price isn't what makes men act so possessive and controlling. It is only because u married a bad, controlling man.
Do they not have people that also act that way from tribes that do not collect bride price???
Don't they have people that paid bride price but still treat their wives with maximum respect???
Feminism should just focus on getting women equal rights in the society. I would really be glad if she focused her attention on female sports. Falcons and falconets will be playing and we won't even know.
The female basketball team won their first championship yesterday abi tow days ago and we just manage to come across such information
So many other important things feminist can base their focus on but no, it's mostly the inconsequential things that hurt nobody, like bride price payments and men not opening door for women that some will focus on.
Respect to the focused feminists
Way to go.
DeleteEka that's some nice points you made, I am not even sure sdk carried the news of the tigress heroic exploit.
DeleteHaving said that, I personally think bride price should just be like a cultural thing and not to be made unnecessarily exuberant.
I don't see how sports should be more important than the issue of bride price. Sports could inspire you,entertain and elevate you as a lady,but to try to subsume the bride price matter which affects many women and objectifies them under sports is pathetic ! If you do not like Chimamanda,Madam Eka Joy,it is okay,but we are not buying your argument.
DeleteAirat Adekunle who are d "we"?. Eka is on point. This feminism crap is way out of line 4 me. The focus is poor n less objective.
DeleteGood question Stella. Women like this worship the ground their men walk on without limitations. Mteeeeeew.
How can anyone even say bride price is more important than sport? Sport that is even portraying women’s equality more than anything right now, it shows women are equal in that aspect and if they exceled they should be praised.
DeleteI want bride price, Nigeria’s are not the only ones who pay bride price, everyone has their culture and tradition, telling them to change it is rubbish cus how do they preserve their culture, you can tell them to reduce the cost but you can’t force people to let go of their way of life cus it makes a few childish men possessive, don’t we have possessive men in America? Did they pay any bride price. Let stick to what is important, in India the women pay bride price, but you don’t see anyone making noise
Eka made so much sense 🙌🙌🙌🙌 so many women are now taking this feminism thing out of context.
DeleteNo human can be valued at a price (slave trade has been aborted) not to talk of a bride.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in most climes, a token is paid as bride 👰 price. This is to fulfil traditional/cultural rites. It signifies whole acceptance, and completeness of the marriage process. It cannot be abolished. The bride family even go the extra lenght to host their in-law to be to sumptuous delicacies and in some cases share the gifts offered by the grroms family with them.
We have seen/heard of modern families even returning bride price to the groom family insisting that the bride isn't for sale.
Chimamanda has raised a point which is "commercialisation" of the bride price. That should be addressed with all seriousness it deserves. But wanting to eradicate noble tradition is like cutting off the head just bcos of headache.
#myopinion
You’re the only one that has made real sense so far anon 10:39......... Just Me
DeleteYou are right though she only spoke about the commercialization of bride price not its eradication.
DeleteIt was meant to be a symbolic act BT has been taken too far.
ReplyDeleteA stupid colleague of mine said he paid a fortune for his Rivers wife so he BOUGHT and OWNS her and she cannot step out of line...
In Britain, dowry used to be paid from the girls family like a part of her inheritance moved to the man's custody. But it has evolved. Now as a social tradition the woman's family pays for d wedding as he is expected to bear d burden of d home BT dt isn't socially accepted as much anymore.Instead in Africa we exploit a symbolic act for our personal selfish gains
We will advice them to bring gifts whatever they can afford but no one and I am extremely serious about this will take a kobo on my daughter's head. I pray she marries a wife guy and elope.
Eka joy, please come and read this anon’s 2nd paragraph regarding your own 2nd paragraph up there. You can’t just make a sweeping statement and think you’ve made sense. Yes, there are horrible husbands everywhere but a lot, I repeat, A LOT a husbands with the particular attitude described up here are like that because of the brideprice and they say it to anyone who would listen. So Chimamanda has a very valid point in what she said. I also don’t believe it should be completely scrapped but the commercialization of the brideprice is very disgusting and has practically turned a lot of women to slaves in their marriages as a result. Addressing such is as important as addressing other pressing issues.
DeleteValid point. But do you also know some live-in baby mama's are also treated even worse. You hear so many things like 'afterall I didn't marry you, I didn't pay a kobo on your head, I was forced' so you can go. I feel there is even a certain kind of respect even your in-laws give you, because they came from far and wide, conveyed themselves to your fathers home, seeked your hand properly, made promises most times, and paid a ''little something'' to seek your hand and your family accepted. That both families meeting and coming together and exchanging gifts, because your parents also spent money/gifts to entertainment them, to me there is a symbol there. It shows them the sort of family you come from, you didn't just fall from the sky.
DeleteEurope and America where there is nothing like bride price, do we not have possessive husbands, demon husbands that even kill their wives in a twinkle of an eye.
A bad man is a bad man and a good man is a good man, has nothing to do with bride price.
Bed and Roses I believe when she said no one wil collect kobo from her daughter's head she didn't mean that both families wouldn't meet, so noone will think the girl fell from the sky. I can't even believe that you wrote that....
DeleteAnon 13.56 I said valid points up there, and I have no problem with ppls individual choices. but we all know Bride price(cash) isn't even the issue here, because the physical cash isn't that much. Its the items in the list that are the real koko. Those long 4 letter page cost more than the physical cash they bring.
DeleteIn so many cultures, the bride price is even returned or a token taken from it.
So do we eradicate everything and just do a meet and greet. Has that not truncated our whole culture.
Alot of us don't even see the money aspect, some enjoy the whole beauty of traditional marriage, the exchange of gifts, showing off of our traditions and customs. That paying of bride price is just part of the ritual, should not be a big deal. In Yoruba culture for instance the bride host the grooms family, if they are in Lagos, they rent hall, pay caterers, buy drinks, pay for entertainment. The only thing groom does is pay for the clothes, accessories and jewellery the couple put on and in some cases bring their own caterer.
So tell me what is a 4 page list and dowry of N100 - N200k depending on the culture, what is that compared to the money the girls parents used in hosting them. That list and the dowry is even nothing compared to how much is used in celebrating the whole traditional marriage. Do we just scrap everything then ?
B&R, you’re going off the deep end. Calm down and circle back to the center please.
DeleteThey go sha pay my brideprice las las
ReplyDeleteBride price payment has got nothing to do with randy and possessive men!
ReplyDeleteIn some other part of the world, the women family pay the bride price to the men's family, yet, the men still acts like douchebags.
Yes, Ms. Chimamanda's bride price was paid, even though her father only took 30kobo out of it as the symbol of tradition.
No matter the amount paid on a bride, the man has no right to feel he owns the woman.
No human can be bought..... By the way, many families in Nigeria, especially in Yoruba and Edo land, does not sell their female children; the reason they only take some naira or kobo out of the huge amount that the groom's family brings.
Some don't even take any money.
A bad man will be a bad man
A bad wife will be a bad wife.
Gbam !
DeleteGbammer !!
Gbammest !!!
#hadeyhalaba
Yes they are valued Stella. I am Yoruba and my family returns bride price (5k ooo). Just care and love their daughter.
ReplyDeleteI don’t agree with this.
ReplyDeleteShe ended up not telling is if her bride price was paid or not.
ReplyDeleteThis woman should stop already please.
Bride price and chivalry is not the problem of the African continent.
Yes, her bride price was paid! I read her full speech online. Her father took out 30kobo from the money that was presented.
DeleteI have friends whose husbands tell them “ I paid your bride price so u must do this nd that, this is y I hate the bride price payment cos it has caused issues and disrespect
ReplyDeleteShe is correct to an extent.
ReplyDeleteBride price was initially made to be a simple, intimate ceremony, where the in laws give a token in exchange for the bride.
But nowadays, the list eeeeh 🙆, in my place, you have to even pay to collect the list sef.
From all indications, one can see that it is now a huge business venture.
I am totally against is the commercialization of bride price.
It has to stop.
Whether them collect 1kobo,cowrie,1k,1million,all na brideprice. Bride price is biblical so I support 💯. A bad husband will be bad whether he paid brideprice or not.
ReplyDeletePlease how is it biblical. Quote the passage bikonu and don't come out and sound ignorant
DeletePls what bible passage is it?
Delete@ anon and Jeni zee
Deleteread Genesis 34:12
Exodus 22:16-17
Genesis 24:52-54
1 Samuel 18:25
2 Samuel 3:14
Thanks and GOD bless you
In what context. In Hebrew, a repayment for defiling an unmarried virgin? Please study and learn the bible.
Delete@ anon 12:57,remember that BIBLICALLY, bride price is paid for virgins.having said that, it is expected from what we read above that when a man defiles a virgin, he should still pay the bride price (which is paid for virgins),because he had carnal knowledge of her without her consent.
DeleteAbraham sent his servants to marry Rebecca for her son Isaac, when they found her, they presented their gifts to her, brothers and mother (that is bride price), they didn't just take her and finally David paid brideprice for Michal, the daughter of King Saul with skins of the Philistines (as requested by King Saul, Michal's father), so what are you saying?
Carnal knowledge without her consent is called RAPE. Is marriage a situation of rape? Besides, the bible says this as you have taken what was originally her husbands, hence the token. Let us not forget its the hebrew culture. So are u saying all rape victims shd marry their rapists and the men shd pay the dowry or all none virgins dowry is not expected of them?
DeleteAnon did David and Isaac "rape "(as you chose to tag it) Michal and Rebecca respectively before paying their brideprice? I still repeat that brideprice is biblical and shouldn't be eradicated as some are clamouring for. You guys should face those commercializing it inugo
DeleteOur great grand fathers paid the bride prices of our great grandmas and MOST of them lived HAPPILY .
I'm done with this matter, I have urgent matters to attend to. Thanks dear and remain blessed
A price is set on all brides biblically, hence "👰 bride price"
DeleteDon't let us water down the content of @Amanda arguement, by ignoring the fact that bride price is specifically mentioned in these Bible passages quoted above and focusing on a story of defilement that eventually had great consequences.
David paid a bride price of 200 foreskins of the Philistines, and Saul out of hatred still gave Michal to another man.
David later reunited(collected) his wife back stating that he paid a price on her, a fact that could not be ignored.
Let's educate ourselves positively
#hadeyhalaba
Bride price or no Bride price does not stop marriages from breaking.
ReplyDeleteWe must continue to collect it
Imo,abia,rivers,akwaibom,crossriver,bayelsa,ebonyi state are on this table of commercialized bride price
ReplyDeleteBride price is traditional and cannot be stopped, my husband paid 1200 and my dad just took out of the 1200 and gave him the rest.
ReplyDeleteA bad person will always be a bad person even if he does not pay a dime, he will still claim he is the head of the house and he owns the wife.
😁😂😂😂 You mean your dad collected everything and gave back empty breeze?
DeleteAyamnot understanding priz. Your father collected the whole amount so what are you on about?😂😂😂😂
DeleteI said my dad took out of the 1200, don't know the amount he took and gave the rest money back to my husband. E.g my dad took 500 out of the 1200 and gave my husband 700 back.
DeleteUnderstood?
Bride price is never the problem. The wahala na for inside list e dey. 4 pages? Haba!!!
ReplyDeleteIts not only about the bride price, some list omg some list smh.
ReplyDeleteBride price can't be abolished because some tradition's if a woman's brideprice isn't paid she cannot dine with other wives or even use same wrapper with them.
Brideprice is not d problem, the problem is a individual u married, a bad man is a bad man. You can be with a man free of charge n he treats u like trash n another goes to pay brideprice for a woman n treat her like a queen.
ReplyDeleteIs Whizkid Ayo not treating Shola anyhow, maybe if he paid her brideprice he would even respect her and her family abit more. Even the family will have right to intercede in the matter.
DeleteIn so many cultures it is even returned, or a token is just taken from it. There is a symbol and meaning to it, our fore-fathers had a reason for it.
Abeg bed and roses you don’t have a case here. The last baby mama he is taking care of did he pay her bride price. Wizkid is just plain stupid and arrogant . Did Davido pay the bride price of his 2 baby mamas but he is taking care of them
DeleteThe last baby mama is providing a service for him. She has paved the way in opening him up to the international market. Jada is good at what she does.
DeleteAnd was the Davido always giving Sophie the respect, did he not disgrace she and her uncle Dele Momodu until she calmed down. All we are simply saying is bride price doesn't make a difference how a man treats you.
I wont even answer this anons anymore. Bride price is not the problem of Nigeria. Heck it isn't even the cause of marriage breakdown.
DeleteChi should go and concentrate on the high level of illiteracy among the girl child in the North, high mortality rates in child birth in the north, poor maternity care, trafficking of underage girls to Europe for prostitution and things that will actually affect the country.
Stella, I don't think Chimamanda meant that pride price should be stopped, she meant that it has been turned to business. Pride price doesn't have any amount, it can be N100, N1000, depending on the family.The bride's family is not expected to take whatever amount the in-law presented as pride price. If N10,000 is presented, the family can decide to take half of it.As I said earlier, it all depends on family. But to me, the major issue is the list.
ReplyDeleteI think i agree with Chimamanda on this one,this bride price issue is getting out of hand and it's ridiculous. Bride price was/is suposed to be a sign of goodwill between both families and not a poverty alleviation programme, what happened to yams and schanappps and palmwine as token gifts to a brides family? when did our parents get greedy and start requesting for echolac boxes filled with expensive materials? when did it become normal for a man to compel another man,a younger man at that who is just starting his life journey with your daughter to build YOUR OWN HOUSE? and underwear been bought for our mothers, it's absurd!!!
ReplyDeletewe need to put an end to this madness of commercialization of brideprice before its too late,else we loose our culture to a generation who is fed up and less tolerant of such shenanigans.....
thankfully,my bride price is 24naira....
#stopbridepricehike
#stopsellingbrides
We really want to change lot of things as a result of civilization.bride price is not the only due to pay during engagement, bride price or not Men re............
ReplyDeleteMost families base their prices on the lady educational standard or worth in billing the groom. My father collected mine, gave it back to me, so I used it to buy something useful for the family.
Chimamanda I love you and the work you do . I'm 17 years old I'm from Zimbabwe I really don't remember the moment or exact time I realised I'm a feminist.i rememberhow infuriated I got when the 7th grade boys in my class would make jokes about women and lobola they joked saying things like "she has to be bought because she has a lot of work to do in the kitchen and the bedroom it really drove me crazy. Sometimes I wondered why all this got to me and It made think that I'm crazy. I know that in some years to come when I find the man I love and I want to marry him my father,brothers ,and aunt's will all have a meeting to decide what im worth it's even worse because I come from a patrilineal family which makes me dread marriage because it's about ownership and objectification of women. I'm proud to be a feminist. And the work to make lives for women better really inspires me.
ReplyDelete