STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CHURCH BROUHAHA
Stella, I don't know if this is meant to be a chronicle ooo but don't be upset I have decided to post it here. Please help put in the right box thank you.
I have a pressing issue in the church and don't know if I should continue going or not.
It seems it's a crime to be single in the house of the Lord and I can't go and marry out of desperation biko.
I am in my thirties but it's insult left right and centre though I try to mind my business but mbanu they won't let me be.
Something has been happening for long and I couldn't take it anymore so I fired back. A lady approached me and asked for my name concerning joining a group in church which I have been avoiding for long because I don't interfere in any thing in church based on past experience. She asked for my name I told her she said "okay ngozi" I said yes and I also asked for hers she said Mrs Mary with her husband surname and I said okay Mary nice to meet you.
My sister that was all ooo, only for the church people to call a meeting on my head that why will I call a married woman by her name. Stella this lady am talking about should be in her twenties but they said she already has three kids and married and what I did wasn't right.
And so what???, Even my our last born has four kids and has stopped child bearing so does that mean marriage is now a criteria for respect.
I reminded them she called me by my name first but they all ignored that and said I shouldn't have called her by her first name someone am sure i am older than.
That was how I carried my bag and left the church but they have been ringing my phone I refused to pick because I am so tired I can't tell you the embarrassment I face daily from all these married young couples because am single let them eat their church biko.
But still I wanted to hear your opinions if I was wrong because I felt there was nothing bad in her putting sister before my name too but she refused and they all took sides with her.
Stella, I don't know if this is meant to be a chronicle ooo but don't be upset I have decided to post it here. Please help put in the right box thank you.
I have a pressing issue in the church and don't know if I should continue going or not.
It seems it's a crime to be single in the house of the Lord and I can't go and marry out of desperation biko.
I am in my thirties but it's insult left right and centre though I try to mind my business but mbanu they won't let me be.
Something has been happening for long and I couldn't take it anymore so I fired back. A lady approached me and asked for my name concerning joining a group in church which I have been avoiding for long because I don't interfere in any thing in church based on past experience. She asked for my name I told her she said "okay ngozi" I said yes and I also asked for hers she said Mrs Mary with her husband surname and I said okay Mary nice to meet you.
My sister that was all ooo, only for the church people to call a meeting on my head that why will I call a married woman by her name. Stella this lady am talking about should be in her twenties but they said she already has three kids and married and what I did wasn't right.
And so what???, Even my our last born has four kids and has stopped child bearing so does that mean marriage is now a criteria for respect.
I reminded them she called me by my name first but they all ignored that and said I shouldn't have called her by her first name someone am sure i am older than.
That was how I carried my bag and left the church but they have been ringing my phone I refused to pick because I am so tired I can't tell you the embarrassment I face daily from all these married young couples because am single let them eat their church biko.
But still I wanted to hear your opinions if I was wrong because I felt there was nothing bad in her putting sister before my name too but she refused and they all took sides with her.
*I am flabbergasted.....wow!!!
Dont even know what to say!!.......Maybe it is time to change Church?
Don't let anybody make you feel less because of your status, you should be looking for a new and sane church
ReplyDeleteI don't understand? What is wrong in calling someone by their first name? Married or not, I don't see anything wrong.
DeletePoster, where you born in that church? Did they bury your umbilical cord in that church? If your answers are negative, then move. Nobody is carry church to the grave. Go to where you are comfortable and not judged. If you are in a church and your spirit is full of anger, that is not the right place for you dear.
DeleteI can't believe wat I just read. I'm marrued but pple still use my first name anyhow. Biko what is there??? Poster wat are u still doing in dat church bikonu ?
Deleteplease don't go back to that church. Marriage is not an achievement and nobody should be disrespected because he or she is single. Go to a real bible believing church where there is no segregation please for your sanity. If husband comes good if not live your life. It is the same grave both married and unmarried are buried. Nigerians please stop this sentiment it is driving people into bad marriages and some end up dead.
DeleteWhat!!!!! They are just being silly.
DeleteWhy would she even report that? And she even lacks respect.
Couldn't she have called you "sister Ngozi"?
Me that i like people addressing me by my first name whether church or not.
Please change church.
That church is toxic and lack love.
I hardly say my name is Mrs ..... to people i meet unless you are a guy that i feel has a roving eyes and wants to cross his boundary.
DeleteI rather say my name is Ego.
Ego lag exactly at your last comment.
DeleteI have not even changed name see and someone want to die on top Mrs matter?
Poster please change church
That's why I like my church married or single are addressed as sister or brother nothing like Mr. Or Mrs .
Delete@Ego lag,that is so me.Mrs gini?unless you are a guy with bad intentions,I use the "mrs" to hush you.I prefer Aunty .....to that madam ..........At our Gym, almost everybody wants the Madam tittle,me I use my name jaree.
DeleteLook for a Dunamis church near you, thats a church not a club you were attending called church, before you come for me, am a Catholic by the way but I follow Dunamis program online and my spiritual life has boosted greatly
DeleteIs it not ‘Sister so and so’ that’s christians cal themselves? Which one is Mrs in church?
DeleteFind a Church of Christ near you is all I wail tell you. You can never regret it. Pure undiluted Word!
Please change church!
DeleteIn my church, we call each other by name. Even as i am married now, i introduce myself with my first name. They didn't born me with Mrs abeg
DeleteI am sure i won't go back to that church. What's that! Mtcheeewww.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the way you said the Mary was disrespectful if not they are all mad, including the people that called the meeting, you don’t need that kind of church, dint her parents name her Mary again, abi after you born pikin your name go change?
DeleteNothing apkan no go see for gate
How do they call Mary in a disrespectful manner? Mtcheeeew
DeleteLol.help me ask ooo.
DeleteSome people are like that. Before I got married at 36, there was this girl in church who was very boisterous and outgoing. She had been married for a few years and had kids. Although I also looked way younger than my age and was on the quiet side but I always respected myself and maintained boundaries. My younger sister also attends the church and she has a fast mouth too so people don’t mess with her. That’s how I noticed this young married girl calling me anyhow and shouting my name up and down in a bossy way. I first ignored her but one day I had to look her sternly and ask if anything was the matter. The next time I saw her walking by, I had nothing in particular to ask her but I made it a point to call her by her name and ask if she saw sister so so and so where she was coming from. She looked shocked as if “how dare she call me by name” I think she complained to other ladies who told her that even my younger sister wasn’t her mate. Since then, whenever she sees me, she always calls me sis. Just “sis”, not Sis Amaka or Sis Sola; just Sis. Me self always call her “my sister” or “my dear” in return. I know she’s now self conscious and didn’t know how to address me but I didn’t care to rub it in. She’s now a good support system when it comes to childcare info now that I’m married and have a baby. She’s now the first to warn people I’m not their mate and not to disrespect me just because I look young, I’m nice and friendly. I was the same way with married women even older than me by couple of years. If you call me by name, that means you don’t mind me calling you by name too irrespective of whether I’m married or not. Because I also have women in church who are at least 8-10yrs older than me call me “sister”. Some call me by my name and when I call them by their names too, I notice they start calling me Sis and I’ll respond back accordingly. Those who continue to call me by name don’t really mind and are the ones I end up being close to in church. Everybody respects themselves now. Poster if your church members are harassing unmarried women in that manner and not cautioning the married ones then you should find another church. Don’t let any small child come and intimidate you. Stand your ground. Address anybody exactly how they address you. The church should encourage mutual respect and not the opposite. If you feel disrespected by certain actions then you shouldn’t do then to others. Simple. I’m 38 now and even call some of the younger unmarried ladies sister just to make them feel welcome and comfortable in certain circles although I call them by name when we’re talking one on one. God bless you poster and my you find your bone of your bone very soon!
DeleteHmmmmmm... I'm 36 and single but no one dare me with such craps. The way I carry myself and ignore people you will just avoid me.. I'm of the opinion that over familiarity causes nonsense... my sister pls don't stop serving God just ignore and avoid people.....
DeleteDon't let anybody make you feel less because of your status, you should be looking for a new church, they are not serious for being so silly
ReplyDeleteIs your father or relative the general overseer of the church? What kind of church has time to meddle in frivolities? You better pick a church that spends time and resources winning souls, keeping them and preaching salvation. Whether someone is married or not, everyone should bear their name and answer to it. E wo lo shi mschewwwwwww
ReplyDeleteEven if my father is the owner of the church, if such rubbish happens, I'm leaving the church biko..... What nonsense???
DeletePoster, just look for another church mbok!!!
What nonsense? Please leave their church for them, na see finish cause am.
ReplyDeletePoster, you did nothing wrong by calling the married woman by her name. You are not the problem, it is the church and their standards that is at fault.
DeleteIf the environment is toxic for u, which I can see it definitely is, please leave and find a church whose human standards don't over-shadow the God-standards. Be where you can grow and be loved. That's the essence of church.
Don't allow anyone make u feel less of ur self bc u are single. Being single is not a curse. I wonder when this mentality will be drained from Africans.
Stay positive.
Change church. What a foolish bunch
ReplyDeleteBeing married command respect in this part we find ourselves. So many ladies that started giving birth at 18yrs or so, now claiming old mama after 3kids in their mid 20s, it's even worse for someone with small stature like mine. But me I no send o, if you disrespect me, I send it back immediately, I'm less concern about your status
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
So child bearing /marriage is ur achievement? Do u even have a job? U sound like an illiterate. I'm married with a kid but God forbid I have dis kind of ur mentality
DeleteI don’t think I have ever introduced myself with my second name, except official cases, I don’t even say “Mrs” I even forget🤣🤣 some people are not well, I even introduce myself with my nickname so you don’t forget. Nawa o
DeleteShe knew exactly what she was doing when she introduced herself that way. Some small girls delight in disrespecting or bringing older ladies down or trying to boss them around especially in church settings. The other church members just shouldn’t have backed her up too. Especially since she was the first to address poster by her first name.
DeleteNNE biko change church. Such people that always carry marriage on their head are the ones that receive beating every day but still forms association of married women just to insult or make single ladies feel bad. Just change church, go to where you are accepted and where you won't feel low just because you are not married yet.
ReplyDeleteGbam!!! I was abouybtonsay that up there but changed my mind. It’s true. The set of married women who try to intimidate single ladies with their status are usually very unhappy in their marriage. By the way, I’m married but I’ve come to notice this in fellow married women. If you’re happy, you’ll be too busy protecting your happinnes or enjoying your happiness and won’t have time to be putting out so much negativity.
DeleteNne,you get time to think and contemplate when there are better bible living churches.Respect sabi sweet married women and those given church positions even when you are older than them. Dont allow anyone to make you feel less about yourself,being single ain't a crime
ReplyDeleteI'm just hurt by this chronicle. Churches are not a place for an unmarried woman and even men. They will taunt you! It's really heartbreaking. married people are seen as superior to unmarried people. Poster, go away from that church biko
ReplyDeleteNigerians and fake respect,I work in a daycare and all the kids calls us teacher by our names, poster ignore them and worship God
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. Respect is mutual.
DeleteWhat I usually say is: what is your reason for going to church and choosing a particular place of worship? If these reasons are satisfied, every other thing doesn't matter. As for me, I go to church to worship and to fellowship and I chose a place of worship where I can achieve this.
The kids should be calling you miss this or miss that. The kids need to learn simple respect from an early age. Which daycare do you work for again?
DeleteWhich kind respect, you need to travel outside the country and see how things work,even your friends son will call you by your name.All this respect people are looking for up and down yet can't respect themselves. Poster let me use this opportunity to invite you to DGCC in Ikeja, we are all equal before God.
DeleteNigeria mentality. Reminds me of my U.S days, when a Retired Matron of 60yrs plus, married prefers to be called Miss May, my aunt who got married to a Black American, prefer be called as Miss, she said the Mrs is too official.
DeleteThe daycare may not be in Nigeria. SMH
But in all the foreign movies I've watched, I have never seen students address their teachers by their names. Even the ones in college. It's either they put miss, Mrs or Mr or maybe things like Prof. Are u saying the movies aren't portraying their real life?
DeleteIt depends on the era the story was based in and what part of the US is from and the race. Most elementary to high schools in the US have only began really requiring you call teachers Ms. or Miss, never Mrs, in the last 15 years. However, there are some in the northern region where teachers and students are on first name basis. In universities, some professors, especially white ones, prefer first name. Blacks like me prefer the title and last name. Daycares in the US also teach children to call their caregivers by their first names
DeleteAnonymous 20:05, that’s not true. I’ve always called my teachers Miss .... since I was in high school and the principal we call, principal..... it’s a sign of respect and when I went to college and tried calling my professor by his first name, he read me like a book and told me not to water down his achievements and give him the necessary credit.
DeletePoster, please leave that church and go somewhere else you are appreciated.
I remember one time,my son saw this Nigerian woman I know and called her by her name, woman was so pissed. A few minutes later this white kid(younger than my son) with her mom passed by, and called her by her name, she was all smiles. I live in Finland. I really told her my mind, and asked my son to keep addressing every person byby the name. What has respect got to do with Aunty? This how children start trusting blindly. My kids will only call their real aunties aunty...If you want to be called aunty, add it to the names on your birth certificate.
DeleteMy kids in school here in the US call their teachers Miss, Mrs or Mr. Evem when my daughter was a toddler and in daycare, she and her classmates were taught to address their teachers by saying Miss Becca, Miss Rinna, Miss Chloe etc.
DeleteMy dear take your stand. I am in my fifties and unmarried. Churches prey on the vulnerable and it is usually single ladies that do the most for them. Children as young as 18 were calling me by my name and talking to me anyhow. To cap it all I overheard the Pastor's wife and her child of 20 bad mouthing me when they forgot to drop the phone on top of me saying they can't come to my house at 12 midnight to pick up something I was giving to them for free.
ReplyDeleteMy dear after that incidence I called the Pastor and gave him a piece of my mind and said I will never attend his church or any other. It has been several years abs I am so grateful to God for taking that decision as it has been progress on everyside. To the point that they are the ones seeking me out as God has more than honoured and vindicated me. To any one who bothers you, let them know you left the church and not God.
I am with you here. As single as I am, nobody can disrespect me and expect me to overlook it. I work, earn my money, look after myself and a lot of people by His grace. If it gets bad, I pray in my house. God listens every where you are.
DeleteNNE please it's time to change church. Go to a place where you are accepted and not to be reminded of how marriage is a the only achievement a woman should have. Such people that always carry marriage on their heads are the ones that receive beating every day from their so called husbands. Instead of them to deal with their problems, they find a way to take out their frustration on single ladies. Leave biko because there are many churches around that you can join and be happy.
ReplyDeleteThe point is "change church, change church", at what point are you going to stop changing?
ReplyDeleteIt is time to make Jesus Lord of your life and stop trusting in "a local assembly of people called church".
Study the scriptures and that is where you will find eternal life. Irrespective of the church you attend, study the scriptures.
Some people enjoy going to church. She shouldn't have to stop going because it's a bad church. So yes find another
DeleteIn other not to commit sin in the house of God by frowing or carrying grudge. Please just avoid them and change church. Why on earth will they even bring name calling as an issue.
ReplyDeletePoster u are not alone, Same reason I stopped going 2 church.i wil be 25th next month.
ReplyDeleteWow
ReplyDeletePls change church
I remember I was invited to a church, a new generation church. Yh pastor came and greeted me and introduce him self as Temitope, he didn't ad anything in front of rh name o. His wife too came and s sh was Biola, I was shocked, they were not young o, should be in their 40s. . The members too that came to meet me called themselves by their first names even the church elders sitting at the front. Very free spirited people. That is the type of church to attend.
But you wouldn’t address them by their first name tho, would you? I’m sure they too wouldn’t address you by your first name. This girl in the post was just looking out to take her frustrations out on poster. What you introduced yourself as isn’t the bone of contention, it is what you address me by. No single respect at all.
Delete@Anon 17:42, if I introduce myself with my first name, why would you call me something different?
DeleteSome bigerNige are stupid ooo. What is wrong in calling somebids by their first names? Isn't it what their parents names them? So someone gives like I'm Biola, and Im Like I am Mrs Adebayo..What kind of nonsense is this?
DeleteIf you’re way older than me then I’ll not address you by your name but more importantly, I would address you how you address me. So if you’re married and I’m older than you or we’re age group and you address me by my name, I’ll address you the same way; don’t care how many kids you got.
DeleteYou must be putting out a vibe that exhudes low self esteem unintentionally... theyre married doesnt mean they sleep better than you with a peace of mind, no one should intimidate you or let u walk on egg shells, some people prey on your fears & can tell when ure feeling inferior, just as a dog senses fear & keeps barking at you, but when u show courage & walk further, it starts wagging the tail or runs away.
ReplyDeleteO pls. Stop blaming the victim. She's not putting out any vibe. Some people are just rude
DeleteIf you dont know how silly church folks can be, just say so. Self esteem or not, they can really take the piss.
Delete...is it not when you give them chance to display their sillyness towards you? Face de fear face oh!!
DeleteOxygen just leave this matter alone.
DeleteAll the ladies here know what the poster is writing about and none has misunderstood the poster.
You don't know what it is to be a woman in Nigeria.
How can a professor of arts expect to explain better the laws of motion to a professor of engineering?
Besides, you don't know how stupid these people actually are that even you the victim would be hoping that they aren't that dense to say or do those things.
And what gives any human the rights to maltreatment someone else just bcuz their head tells them that the other person has a low self esteem?
My principle is to rubbish any bully that thinks I am going to boxed into a corner.
They must be embarrassed in turn cuz I don't tolerate such low lives.
Respecting me means respecting you!
@Oxygen, not all the time, some church members need to be put in their place, before they respect the single lady.
DeleteYour own better sef. Me I was labelled a witch in a meeting because I am outspoken. I told them that if I be witch na Otedola and Dangote I dey find not useless spiritually weak people like them, I left and joined a same church focused on prayer and doing good works in the community.
ReplyDeleteLeave these illiterates that think marriage is an achievement.....because you married doesn't automatically make you elder. Abeg forget that church
ReplyDeletePoster Change Church Pls
ReplyDeleteYou did absolutely nothing wrong!
ReplyDeletePls stop attending that church and block their numbers
It is this type of church that have "them say them say" and iwinere set of people....long hisssss
ReplyDeleteBabe abeg leave that Church.
ReplyDeleteArrant nonsense.
They are really sick ,please poster ignore them.Please go to a church were you have enlightened people and not these types of shallow minded people.
ReplyDeleteIf she can call you your name why do they feel you can't call her by her name ..nonsense People looking down on single ladies
I am married but I have never attached Mrs to my name. Mrs crazy are those women with low self esteem whose worth lies only in their marriage. Any way, to each his own...Women with better titles don't bother about Mrs title.
ReplyDeleteVote Donald Duke for president 2019.
Indeed its time to port to another church. uncivilised lots
ReplyDeleteI would NEVER return there. I serve God not men.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster you did nothing wrong in calling her by hee first name, please you need to change such toxic church, "I can't deal".
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing this happened in the southwest. I am Yoruba & Yoruba people like unnecessary respect, especially when it has to do with name calling..
ReplyDeleteAunty ko, brother ni 🙄🙄
Poster, ignore them jare.. Who sister lagbaja epp?
This happening in a church is just heartbreaking and wrong... What are they trying to say saf...?
ReplyDeleteDear poster"if church can not change u, change church "u have Bn in that church for how long what are they doing to help u? Are they doing single seminars?are they in anyway praying for u? My pastor come to my house every month to have prayer sections with us without even asking..
Hmmmmmmmm
DeleteThat's people for you. They feel that since they are married and have kids, they are superior to single ladies and can call them by names even if those single ladies are much older than them. Especially we yorubas, we carry this kind respect for head. I try to respect everyone but seriously some are so rude, you don't know my age, I am even older than you yet you are acting like I am your kid sister. It is well. Good character is a virtue.
ReplyDeleteSocialmediaawardsng
To vote @stelladimokokorkus as BLOGGER OF THE YEAR
Text sma18 stella to 33352
Years ago, I called my younger sister's friend who is married by her name. Same name I have been calling her before she married o. Next thing l heard was why are u calling my name? Dont u know my husband's name. I asked her if marriage erased her given name cos l wasn't understanding. Till today l still refer to her by her name. As if dat wasn't enough her friend my younger sister f upped one day and l was reprimanding her. The next thing l heard was why are you talking to me like dat ? Don't u know I am married" Haha she hear my mouth dat day.
ReplyDeleteMarriage never teach those ones something yet... na all these 20somethg them de always feel upgraded after wedding
DeleteBiko leave that smelling church!
ReplyDeleteWhat rubbish??!! Are they drunk??! Ifa hear say you pick their call ehn... what kind of backward mentality is that? The Mary herself is very silly. Does she know if you will marry her husbands boss tommorow? Bunch of goat-like flock. Don't go there again!! Unnecessary insult.
I once visited a nigerian church in the states. After service pastor shouted 'if you are single stand up'. Of course not all singles stood. He went again, 'you singles will not stand up now. When you will miss the blessings to become married now..blabla'. Even though he thought he said it in good faith, it was condescending. And felt manipulative. I never went back. Poster that's one of the things the not yet married face oh, try not to let them get to you.
ReplyDeleteThat’s why I no de go those Nigerian churches here oh. I enter my 2 hour oyinbo service, come back house...
DeleteI'm warning you poster, better dont pick their call. Silly people!!
ReplyDeleteChikito you Dey help this poster vex. Lol
DeletePoster seriously, they just lost you no matter the begging.
It's time for you to teach them that you demand your due respect, for first being a human being.
I pity who carry all these church people matter for head.
Btw look for a church, that one you were going to na Sunday Sunday witchcraft gathering.If God was there before, they already chased Him away.
Ahan?!?!?! So people still act like this? In church?!?!?!?! No no no!!!
ReplyDeletePlease find a way to let them know how silly their behavior is as firmly and as politely as possible. If they remain unrepentant then obviously they are not to be mingled with. Carry your bag and bible and flee!!!
Don’t let this make you feel inferior or unhappy. Most women that carry marriage on their head like big gele have nothing else working for them or nothing tangible to brag about in life.
Poster please don’t go back there. It’s so sad to see such happening in the house of God.
ReplyDeleteNa WA.. Boya it is a criteria for heaven
ReplyDeleteLet me follow mr boya . .
A Nigerian friend of mine told me no matter how many degrees one has in Nigeria, that person wouldn't be respected if she is not married....
ReplyDelete*women....
I remember calling one recently married lady "Sister Jane" and she corrected me immediately. Told me she was Mrs Jane. I said, but you you're sister now, not brother. Hian! This marriage can catch some people.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, if you no longer feel at home there, then move...for your peace of mind. I have a lot to say about being single in church but let me stop here.
What kind of mentality do these people have? They called meeting because of this nonexistent issue. Some professors I know don't even attach their titles to their names when you introducing themselves.
ReplyDeleteDon't pick their calls. Use this opportunity to look for sane church where you can worship God in peace
.
Thank God you left. Please do not go back, church has turned to social gathering since 10years ago.
ReplyDeletePoster just change church na see finish dey worry them. We that got married and the marriage packed up in less than one year, I changed my church immediately, I blocked everyone calling me to hear gossip, I moved on with my life, thou I still attend the same church before different branch, this one now I just go to church and hear the word of God am gone. No time for friendship or be in any unit, forget about them cos marriage is not the only good thing in life.
ReplyDeleteI have been married for almost five years and I have never referred to myself as Mrs.Most women who are going crazyover marriage aren't happy.The only joy they have is being addressed as Mrs because that's the reason they got married.Leave the church since Mary and her fellow married sisters are jobless and senseless too
ReplyDeleteShe is so silly to have reported the incidence to the other members. What are they teaching and learning in that church? Our identity is in Christ Jesus not in Mr or Mrs. Pray for the Holy Spirit to lead you and plant you elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteChurches are meant to edify and are for comforts.. If you are been comforted in the church, look for another sound gathering of Gods worshipper. Married or single, respect is paramount. Don't be sad with your status, there are many married hoping to be single. God makes things beautiful in HIS own time. Your time is near in Jesus name.
ReplyDeleteChurches are meant to edify and are for comforts.. If you are been comforted in the church, look for another sound gathering of Gods worshipper. Married or single, respect is paramount. Don't be sad with your status, there are many married hoping to be single. God makes things beautiful in HIS own time. Your time is near in Jesus name.
ReplyDelete