STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
NO EASY WAY
Hi Stella,
I want advice from people on something.
I have a female friend that’s big boned and she doesn’t have a bit of confidence in her because of her weight. We go out a lot and she doesn’t even eat so much so I can’t really say it’s food. I see her struggles everyday and she is almost always depressed and it really breaks my heart so I registered us at a gym but I seem to be the only one progressing and getting my body right.
Sometimes when we go to the club, I have to hold her and hug her close all through the night so she wouldn’t feel bad because she has a best friend that’s always with us. Her best friend is sexy and gets all the attention which even adds to her depression but I just stay with her and this is slowing me down with dating someone else.
One day, her best friend told me she likes me and wants us to date. I told her it would ruin my relationship with my friend so I’d have to pass but the girl is so bold and we ended up making out and all that day but we didn’t have s#x. Later that week, my friend had to sleep over at my house and she was a bit tipsy, she started getting cuddly with me which I responded to but I didn’t kiss her or have s#x even though she was making all the moves.
Hi Stella,
I want advice from people on something.
I have a female friend that’s big boned and she doesn’t have a bit of confidence in her because of her weight. We go out a lot and she doesn’t even eat so much so I can’t really say it’s food. I see her struggles everyday and she is almost always depressed and it really breaks my heart so I registered us at a gym but I seem to be the only one progressing and getting my body right.
Sometimes when we go to the club, I have to hold her and hug her close all through the night so she wouldn’t feel bad because she has a best friend that’s always with us. Her best friend is sexy and gets all the attention which even adds to her depression but I just stay with her and this is slowing me down with dating someone else.
One day, her best friend told me she likes me and wants us to date. I told her it would ruin my relationship with my friend so I’d have to pass but the girl is so bold and we ended up making out and all that day but we didn’t have s#x. Later that week, my friend had to sleep over at my house and she was a bit tipsy, she started getting cuddly with me which I responded to but I didn’t kiss her or have s#x even though she was making all the moves.
I don’t want to do it and then have her think we are in a relationship and then break her heart when she finds out I don’t feel the same. I know they say some women can handle just s#x relationship but I don’t trust that she can and I don’t want to be the reason any woman will cry.
Now the best friend is always buzzing my phone and she is almost suspecting but I don’t know what to do. It would really hurt her plus do some crazy damage to me too because she already feels her best friend has the best of everything in life already so if i ever get to date her best friend, it’s danger for me apart from the fact that she can kill herself.
Now the best friend is always buzzing my phone and she is almost suspecting but I don’t know what to do. It would really hurt her plus do some crazy damage to me too because she already feels her best friend has the best of everything in life already so if i ever get to date her best friend, it’s danger for me apart from the fact that she can kill herself.
I am also trying to help her get her body snatched and build her confidence because I hate seeing her this way and she is my anchor to this country (if you know what I mean). What do I do? I have written some naija celebs who were big and became slim but they don’t respond my DMs. Even the ones that promote all these slim teas.
*Hmmm there is no easy way to go about this because it seems she might feel something for you already...which ever way you go about this,you will hurt her...you can support her without being so close and if you have a woman,please bring her into the picture so that she knows that you are not emotionally free....
You show her your appreciation some other way and not by hanging out with her the way you described up there......Easy man,easy.
Let her make efforts to lose weight and stop soaking herself in self pity...otherwise big is also beautiful.
Good luck oh.
"She's your anchor to this country", Was dating/marriage part of the agreement? No,I believe so free her.You don't owe her anything.
ReplyDeleteDon't date her out of pity cos it's obvious you want the bestie but scared to hurt her feelings.
The easy way out is to be a "man" and tell her that you don't want more than friendship.Now that you've registered her in a gym,it's time to hook her up on a dating site or with a guy that likes them "big" that way it's a win-win situation for you both.
One question? Would you have dated her if she was trimmer? If yes then be there for her.Love is a doing word,"It's not in the saying but in the showing".
She needs to realize she truly needs help if not you can't help her out. Let her be active in gym,reduce her food intake, dress good,nice make-up, and walk with her shoulder high. If she can't lose weight she should rock her orobo body like that. All of us will not be slim tall and sexy. That's why we're all unique. The most important thing she needs now is good self esteem and for you " Mr helper" you better let her know your stand now. Stop giving her green light when you know you're not interested. She's already catching feeling as you can see.
DeleteMost people think people get fat from eating too much which isn't true. Does she sleep well at night? Lack of sleep can mess up your hormones and prevent your body from producing the right enzymes that will help in food digestion etc.
DeleteIs she allergic to Keto? Let her join Ketogenic group on Facebook and loose that fat within 2 months, unless she doesn't want to help her self.
DeleteSigh to think chubby girls put themselves into unnecessary depression ehn i don't understand... I am plus-size and freaking beautiful and hot 🔥 i can't walk into a room all in my nice jeans without changing the frequency of the whole room yessss! To think my bf is even insecure about me bin a plus-size is amazing lol 😂 😂 tell her thr is a man for everyone out there, you better don't kee urslf lol
ReplyDeletetheyre probably looking at you and wondering why someone this big is not doing anythg about it.. see you, thinking theyre admiring you yimu
DeleteAnon 16.30 you're mad..😂
Delete😂😂😂😂
DeleteLmfao 😂😂😂😂 let her know the truth! Changing the frequency ko
Delete🤣🤣 @16:30 you sabi them! Feeling funky yet actually appearing like giant teddies.
Delete@anon 22.48 and some of you are appearing like malnourished wall geckos..
DeleteThat said...everyone can't be slim or appear malnourished.
Enough of the body shaming.
She is big bold and beautiful and confident aa well so what?
Like giant teddies so what ? At least they get cuddled...
She only stated how she felt and you loose a but cause you your self and others who shame based on sight and skinny with zilch confidence.
And of you feel bad about my submission argue with your run down keypad
I can understand her because I feel same way too. People around me eat too much but is as I am the one getting fat, even when I don't eat like them. For the past one month now I eat mostly fruits but yet I add up every day especially at my shoulder area and face. Every body calls me orobo. So I will just read comments and learn too. I used to be size 7 and now I am almost size 14.
ReplyDeleteAlmost size 14 n u are feeling like this? Heck Im size 14 but na me swing waist pass anywhere with my wild hair color, I eat well..if u call 14 orobo, then what is 16? Better chin up. If I say I'm fat at size 14, people around me will just sigh n say shut up abeg.
Delete@Chidinma,it is well dear. I hope yours is not as a result of hormonal imbalance?
DeleteI don't know again, though I have been diagnosed of hormonal imbalance before which I was given some drugs. I became slim after that like a year ago and now I am back to being fat again without any just cause. I don't even eat much because I am not a food person. Most times I drink tea and that's all. Please what should I do if it's hormonal imbalance and how will I know that it's hormonal imbalance? Thanks dear
DeleteMetabolic syndrome! That's what's wrong with a lot of people. Some people are closet eaters though. They claim not to eat, but consumes tonnes of food in private. If you can go low carb, you can beat metabolic syndrome and hormonal imbalance. Overloading the body with more carbs and sugar than it can handle is what causes all that mess in the body. Soon enough your body becomes insulin resistance. Can't explain it all right here. I know keto sounds cliche and tedious, but it's the answer to your prayers. Go low carb and completely eliminate sugar and artificial sweeteners. Not those aje butter low carb of eating processed food. Low carb eating real food. I was always overweight from when I was a teenager. 3yrs ago I hit size 18 with plenty of health complications. I am now a UK size 8 and maintained it for 2yrs. Some can't eat our cake and have it. Some of us have to live a life discipline to get what we want. Fat is lovely, and I was comfortable in my skin till I started having health issues. So if fat makes you uncomfortable, drop it. Our bodies are built differently. I realized that mine was one of those not built for fat. I am free of all the health issues now, and all I did was drop the fat. Sorry for the typos if any. Pressed for time.
DeleteYou want to loose weight and you are eating fruits? You ain't serious yet, if you are, you will give up sugar, fruits and any carbohydrates, except carbs from vegetables.
DeletePeople keep eating the wrongs foods because they are healthy and cry of not losing weight.
Poster there is nothing like big bones stopping people from losing weight. My sister and brothers have big bones. Growing my friends used to tease of being big and all. Now, I'm a size 8, went from a size 16 to a size 8 for giving up starchy foods including fruits. The only fruits I eat is berries; blueberries and strawberries, in little quantity. Make fish, vegetables, chicken your friend and watch that weight disappear. Big bones don't wobble fats do. So shove that big bone nonsense to the bin.
Also add intermittent fasting and don't eat more than 1600-1800 calories a day. It's not about what you eat, it's about the amount of calories you eat. The average Nigerian consumes more than 6000 calories daily. Meanwhile a woman needs only about 1600-1800 a day. You will be surprised at the number of calories you are consuming even in fruits if you calculate it. Intermittent fasting will help you faster in fixing metabolic syndrome and insulin resistance. As your system balances hormonal imbalance will be sorted out too. Don't use drugs. Go low carb, eliminate sugar, and incorporate intermittent fasting. You will definitely see results within two weeks tops.
DeleteChidimma, listen to Anọn 16:46. They said everything I wanted to say. Do some months of keto then continue with intermittent fasting, be consistent and you'll see results
Delete@16:50 gbam! Big bones is an excuse for being overweight. Angela Okorie is what you call 'Big boned' - hence the semi-masculine look. Eniola Badmus is fat. Theres a difference.
Delete@chikito...genetically some people are huge ...and obese...they have hyper plastic fat cells right from time and not cause of calorie intake.
DeleteIt beats me when you all expect everyone to have lean meat big boned or not.
Not everyone who is supposedly big is overweight.. You can objectively confirm that using the BMI.
Besides eating only berries may make you loose weight but you definitely ain't getting a balance diet and of course some vital elements will be deficient.
We all want to stay slim ..stay healthy..is the watch word.
On a lighter note what if you all wake up and find out that all these was a dream a funny hypothetical scenario and a play earth...and you were told that all you thought was right and the norm was a test run project..
Live and let live people
She should love herself and build her confidence
ReplyDeleteEverybody can't be slim
Variety is the spice of life
Some like them big, some like them slim
That is it dear she should build her self confidence and stop the pity party everyone can't be slim. Dear friend just keep encouraging her and communicate with her, tell her how you feel about her so she doesn't get the wrong message. Have a life of your own and stop baby sitting her give her the tough love bro. All the best
DeleteGbam!
DeleteShe needs to snap out of that pity party enclosure she has built for herself and also cut off from that so called BF.
That your friend her self esteem is very low, she need to build it and stop forcing herself to loss some weight. Some men love bold and beautiful ladies, I have a friend that she is bold and beautiful but she did not allow that to affect her self esteem, today she is married, husband cannot even like a slim babe, if you are not bold and beautiful Oga will never look your side. She should love herself the way she is, get a hand work to do, make money and forget about her size. She will meet someone that will love he.
ReplyDeleteI also have another bold and beautiful friend that she is so big, very big but one thing I like about her she focus more on her career,she is a photographer and she is doing well. I have never seen her feeling depressed or worried over her size. Rather she uses her size to oppress we that are not on the big size.
Poster I will advise you to stop feeling pity for her and focus on helping her, let her understand you did what you did with her cos you felt pity for her. Stop forcing yourself to make her happy.
And just now a guy thats just getting to know me via a phone chat is talking about me getting fatter immediately i changed my dp. And to think he's talking of marriage. Not ready to kill myself for any man.its either you like me for me or you bounce.
ReplyDeleteTRY KETO.
ReplyDeleteGet her a dietician/personal trainer/coach. With regular gym and right diet, she'll get there.
ReplyDeleteProblem is that we usually want fast results.
@chidinma grace, fruits doesnt equal weight loss. One big apple is same as a slice of bread in terms of calories .
So, if you eat several, you are just piling up the sugar.
Only difference is that, you are eating healthy.
Count your calories for the day and dont pass it.
Same applies to your friend @poster.
Whatever you do, dont have sex, make out again or date her or her friend.
At least until she gets her desired shape.
Goodluck
Eyah. She will be fine.
ReplyDeletemaybe you are enjoying freebies from her which is why you cant come out straight. stop hanging out with her all the time and leading her on. go out alone and begin dating so she knows you are not into her. hard truth about about life is you can not be responsible for another persons emotional well being. keep encouraging her and help her build her self confidence but dont lead her on..
ReplyDeleteI think you are right, been to close to her will also make her think u have some feelings for her and this days guys are hard to find
DeleteKeto can help
ReplyDeleteher confidence isnt low because shes fat. if she was slim, she will still have low self esteem and think she shoulda been curvy. you dont need to take her to the gym alone cause gym wont do it. have a heart to heart talk with her. someone probably broke her spirit and the person/people might be family.
ReplyDeleteim a plus size. i mean PLUS SIZE, not some size 12 or 14 girl coming to tell us shes fat. im size 16/18 and i once had a complex. i dealt with it by looking at myself naked in the mirror and see this curvaceous buttilious woman and i tell myself that i would so do me if i was a man. then i chose clothes that enhance my assets (every woman has one) and when i walk into a place, i carry myself with this pride and walk slowly and steadily looking some people in the eye as i pass and then walk past like you dont mean shit. then the rest is history.
point is, if she wants to lose weight its cool but it wont change shit about her confidence.
there is a high chance too that shes doing that to keep you in her life, hoping you will fall for her 'character' not her body, lol.
if you want to help her, dont coop up with her when you guys go out.. help her find plus size friends that she can be free with, and tell her the attractive things about her without making her feel that you want her. encourage her to talk with other guys, that way she will know you aint interested.
From my own personal experience, i think she needs to change her mindset. 2015/2016 i gained weight and i wasnt happy i was looking round and i got a personal trainer and was going to the gym almost everyday sometimes morning and night yet there was little or no difference. Last year i decided to cancel my gym membership afterall there was no need going and still be a size 16. November 2017 what was stressing me out, the answer came and this year i rejoined the gym and without a PT the weight started the fall off and i confident in my size now. Alot can happen when you genuinely love and accept yourself. She needs to change her mindset and stop feeling weighed down. Someone once told me when you think good things good things happen and for the record starving herself isnt the answer
ReplyDeleteHer feelings for you is more to do with "when The Desirable is Not Available, The Available Becomes Desirable!" She just needs to work on herself and you can be best friends with her but dont cross any lines, ease off on the whole club thing too if you can stop molly cuddling her. Lastly her best friend is nothing but trouble stay away from her
I can help her loose weight
ReplyDeletewhen people tell you I eat healthy or I don't even eat that much and I don't lose weight, take a step back and check what they eat. Most of them graze on tiny snacks here and there, without knowing how much calories they pile up.
ReplyDeleteAlso it's all about the type of food you eat, you can go pushing down bread in the morning, garri in the afternoon and yam at night or push down sugary fruits and go on blabbing about how it's only fruits you've eaten, sweetheart, you ain't gonna lose weight. Fruits are healthy but not for weightloss because they are sugar.
Hmmm.. Let her not kill herself o, this man you have been indulging her too much for so long, & you made her feel you have a thing for her.
ReplyDeleteYou need to start telling her the truth, she needs to change her mind set. Being fat & chubby is not a crime, some men like them extra large, e.g my brother, & I have also seen some guys that are really good looking & have everything working for them & they dating /married to extra fat ladies, let her know she has to accept her body else there's no way she can even get it right. There's nothing wrong with being fat, everybody must not be tiny. The only thing she can do is to eat clean, eat right to avoid health issues, funny enough most of these extra large people barely have such issues else they would have all died.
Haba what can one say again, she better start carrying herself well & the right guy will notice her confidence & love her.
Tell her how you wish to introduce your date to her, tell her she has to be confident & strong woman, you want always be there for her, encourage her & then let us see if she won't up her game.
Being fat is not death sentence! Stop babysitting her and get on with your life man.
ReplyDeletePoster be there holding her through the night in the name of comfort. Before you realise it you will end up marrying her. No use leading her on if you are not interested. What she needs most now is to build her confidence and self esteem.
DeleteAll these weight that you people are planning to lose, where can I download it biko? I used aju mbaise for three weeks to go back to my 73/75 kg, my people na so I enter 65/67 since o. To think I only wanted to lose the 7kg I added after delivery. I intended to drink it for longer sef but applied brake when I started swimming in my clothes. I've been looking for where to buy back the extra 10kg since but for where! I forgot I'm not a natural orobo. Na all these "you better start watching it" sermon make me go try o.
ReplyDeleteThe way some people complain about difficulty in losing weight is the way some of us find it hard to add. Some people will not add weight no matter what they do e.g. Tuface, SnoopLion while some will not lose too much no matter what e.g. Toolz but see how Captain is loving her like madt. Indeed, one man's meat is another man's poison. Most of these people go under the knife codedly and will be telling you story for the gods about slimming tea. Abi no be dem Ini Edo and lepacious Bose dey advertise am again? That lady should not coman go and kee herself o. Patapata, make she sef follow go do surgery if she can afford it mbok. Meanwhile, If I catch Chidera eh? Bring back my weight o!
She needs help. She needs to speak to someone - a shrink who will unwrap her mind and help her deal with these issues. You can be a good friend by helping her pay for it. Thats what good friends would do; not cuddle. Stop it.
ReplyDeleteLet her try keto diet and exercise. There are lots of keto support groups on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteLosing weight can be a frustrating process for many people with an underactive thyroid.The thyroid affects metabolism and can make weight loss an uphill battle.
ReplyDeleteLack of treatment, or insufficient treatment, may make her weight loss almost impossible, despite diet and exercise. And the longer it takes her to get diagnosed, the more weight she could gain.
Tell her to see a doctor right away and get informed if she has underactive thyroid.
All the best to her and you.
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