STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNDER PRESSURE TO CONCEIVE
I got married to my hubby 2013 and since then we have been trying to conceive.... to cut the long story short, I was diagnosed of having PCOS and my hubby has low sperm count and this is strictly kept between the 2 of us.
We have opted for IVF next year by Gods Grace.
Now the issue is this, his mum and dad is disturbing me, my mum is on my neck. They want to know what the problem is, is it necessary telling both of them what the problem is? Or should I continue keeping mute?.
Thanks ...
*This is a serious issue a lot of people are facing in Marriages but why keep mute and take all the blame alone?Tell both Parents in the most subtle way you can that the fault is not yours alone please .I wonder people think it is always the woman at fault when a couple is yet to conceive...
I dont about IVF in both your condition but i think your hubby should be treated for his low count cos it also means he has Erectile dysfunction and probably weak sperm.
Tell his Parents this and watch them shut up forever and even begin to pet you.Good luck.
Stella my love you are so right no further comment.
ReplyDeleteNne please leave it between you and your husband. Whats the gain any of you ratting the other out when you are both in it together and both handling things with mutual love. Point a finger at ur husband and he finds out then whatch his heart break. Both of you are on the right part. Keep ur mutual optimisim up and protect ur love and trust at a time like this.
DeleteMeanwhile, low sperm count is not related to ability to have erection and mind blowing sex. I have dated a married man who had a very bad irreversible low count. If this man shag you here ehn... He and his wife had to eventually opt for a donor sperm.
^^ See them, married men bandwagon, your man too will shag someone else wella.
DeleteLow sperm count has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction, please...
DeleteIn fact, Some of your hardest pounding King Kongs be shooting blanks or low motility spermatozoa
#quotemeanywhere
On the issue, madam it’s your husband that put his foot down and tell both families to not trouble you, instead of allowing you Bear all this pressure alone!
DeleteBecause the way the society is set up, until he ferociously tells them to back off, they will think it’s your fault. In fact, if he is man enough, he should own up and say it is his fault. A real man shields his woman
Erectile dysfunction and low sperm count dont relate. Stella, Google is free so there is no reason to come to a public space and display such ignorance.
ReplyDeleteAsk your husband this question too .
ReplyDeleteThe reason is because both of you have fertility problem .
Or you can tell him to stop his parents from pressuring you
Stella slow down a bit .I think you're jumping to conclusions on this one. They are not blaming them. They are asking what the issue is. They are concerned parents. It's her own parents asking . personally I understand why people keep quiet but ivreally don't see the point in hiding fertility issues from my close family. They are worried. If you speak up, maybe they can help. I've contributed to ivf once a close family member disclosed what was up and they have a baby now. All this suffering in silence thing is so last decade. Of course, speak to the right people. Sometimes family may not be right. Maybe a close friend or someone that has similarly struggled. I wish y'all the best. Try ivf but also look into a surrogate if the doctor says you may have issues with carrying to term. Trust me, in the end all that matters is you have a kid
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. You said everything I wanted to say.
DeleteLow sperm count doesn't mean ED .They are two separate issues that's why men don't know they have low sperm count till a doctor examines the sperm. It has nothing to do with getting an erection
ReplyDeleteIt comes with ED 99% of the time my dear. Hubby is dealing with same issues too. HBP and diabetes.
DeleteStella is not that easy o! Secret wey another ears don hear is no more a secret o! The man's ego will be damaged here and he will hate the wife for life.
Madam protect your hubby and keep shut, while you look for solution together, trust me you will have his respect and love forever. Learn how to smile and just say God's time, we want to flex small or just smile and keep shut. tell your hubby to tell his people to back off too.
So having low sperm count now is now an issue to be hidden shame on Africans
Delete17.17 you are ignorant. Your husband is 1 in 1000. Oligozoospermia is not equal to ED
DeleteThank you. Anon17:56. See how’s shes confidently displaying her ignorance even correcting the person who is actually right 😅😅😅 because your husband has both means they always come together. So 99% of men have high Bp and diabetes , erectile dysfunction and low sperm count? mao
DeleteAnon 17:17 your husband's ED is as a result of the diabetes not low sperm count.
DeletePoster I don't think you can do IVF with the condition both of you have. Have you discussed with a fertility doctor?
ReplyDeleteTell your husband to speak to his parents about the issue or you tell them. Tell your mum about the PCOS.
Thank God for my parents and the family I married into.
Oh dear yes you can succeed with ivf if you have pcos or low sperm count or both. They are many success stories. In fact, I'm looking at a little boy conceived with his father's low sperm and pcos is very treatable. In my book they should have done ivf since .people stop wasting time before seeing a fertility doc. One year of trying on your own is enough then see a doctor. Six months sef
Delete15:32 oh really? Thank you.
DeleteThe delay most times is because of money. The test and all doesn't come cheap
Yes IVF can work for them. I was diagnosed with pcos this year and my hubby has oligospermia too.Doctors adviced we go straight to IVF. We tried IVF and i'm currently pregnant. The journey is hard but believe God you will conquer. Please visit a good fertility clinic with high success rate when undergoing your IVF. Make research also on the foods to avoid,drink spermint tea,take supplements, work out if you can or go on keto diet.
DeleteIf you need support or advice when going through your IVF next year I will be willing to assist
if i may add, madam pls mix a spoon of RAW UNFILTERED APPLE CIDER VINEGAR with a cup of water twice daily, it works
DeletePCOS can be managed. It's really sad the sort of conditions women go through cos of hormones. I think there re drugs to regulate your cycle and get you to ovulate when you re suppose to. You should work with an experienced gynae. And study your cycle well nd look out for ovulation signs. It can be remedied but your hubby needs to get treated. As for the inlaws biko tell them. PCOS is not a disease its a condition. Your husband own na im one look somehow sef. People will think now you re the cause alone. Tell them.
ReplyDeleteSee as you dey give stupid advice upandan. So when the time comes and your son sterile sperm no fit impregnate woman, na so your daughter inlaw go take silence you forever.
ReplyDelete#ode
Ask hubby if you can disclose to both your parents, if he says yes...oya tell them, if he says no....just tell them that you people planned on having kids at a certain time n that time no reach yet oo
ReplyDeleteI think you should discuss this with your husband and decide if you what to share the news with them or not
ReplyDeleteYour husband should be the one telling them this and not keeping mute for you to take all the blames. No man takes me for a ride in this kind of game, you have really stomached fo, it's high time you two spill. I pray your next year ivf be successful.
ReplyDeleteGbammest! 💯
DeleteMy thoughts exactly!
Pls try the ketogenic diet,it works well for PCOS,I got pregnant after just six weeks on the diet after trying for 6yrs.
ReplyDeletereally? Poster oya try the ketogenic diet.
DeleteI will advise you don't tell anyone. Keep it to yourselves. By God's grace the ivf will work and you will carry your baby.
Pls make sure your electrolytes are o point while on the Keto first. Yes, Keto diet releases estrogen and there are many stories of pregnancy while on the diet. Again, take extra sodium, magnesium and potassium!
DeleteI sympathize with you, the Lord will give you testimonies soonest. Amen!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteTo the issue at hand : please talk to your husband, tell him about the pressure you are under and ask him what you should tell his family.
Don't unilaterally say anything to anybody, you and your husband have to agree on what to say and what not to, before you hurt the man's ego and push him away.
Ideally, your husband should have told his family/parents to back off. If he does that, no one will worry you, while you on the other hand should handle your own family.
You could tell your family you have some problems that you are receiving treatment for, while he could tell his own family that he has done problems that he is receiving treatment for, that it is not your fault and that you have been very supportive and patient. That Way, they will let you be, they WI even cherish you more and not bother you, because they will see you as the one doing them a favour.
Your husband should handle this already for you.
You sef, grow a thick skin.
I have an uncle who is still trusting God for a child, they have been married since 2008 or so. They don't tell ANYBODY what the problem is, if a family member asks, they shut you out and tell you that God will bless them in due course. Their attitude made everyone to mind their own business and remain on their own lanes, so nobody sef get mind to ask.
If people realise you're unwilling to discuss it, they will let you be and just keep you in their prayers.
This is not so much of an issue. At least the fact that your husband also has a challenge means that there will be no trading of blames or infidelity, as a team, you guys will work towards a solution.
May God help you.
Proclaim Gen 21:6 (Sarah's testimony) God has filled my mouth with laughter, all who hear will laugh with me. Amen!! !!!!!!
Tell your umvy to speak up and get help. There's nothing new under the sun. All this I keep my biz to myself is a waste of time. Yes somethings are private but no kid since 2008, there's nothing private about thst
DeleteIt is the private life of the couple for goodness sake. They don't owe anybody any explanations. They should seek professional help but keep their issues away from people including close family, except if they decide otherwise.
DeleteInfertility is a very sensitive issue. People are already talking. Please don't give them concrete gossip topic. Parents, friends, frenemies should learn to mind their businesses. You have to make them back off. If they will offer financial assistance, must they know the details?
The child is for the couple. People shouldn't go about take anti malaria for somebody's headache. What!
If you like, turn your husband into an object of scorn by telling people of his condition. You'll just deflate him and in turn yourself.
Stella, you got me angry with your ignorant and insensitive comment.
Speaking up doesn't mean tell everyone or anyone. Even the person that wrote this chronicle anonymously is speaking up and helping herself and others. Why get deflated over low count or pcos. Na medical condition.
DeleteYes, they are medical conditions, but not regarded as others.
DeleteInability to conceive attracts stigmatisation. Exposing the cause, doubles the stigma. People will be giving the couple attitude. It's better kept between the couple. That's why they are one.
Poster, your parent and his are genuinely concerned. Please involve your spouse and let your parents know about your challenge. Their opinions , advice and contributions will go a long way and also reduce the pressure on you both.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... Blessed are those that conceive easily without stress, for you dont know what God has done for you. It is well poster
ReplyDeleteSo the people that can't come conceive easily are cursed ? Some of you don't think before you talk. Insensitive human being. If you don't have anything reasonable to say, SHUT UP!
DeleteWhere are you quoting from?
DeleteThere are diverse kinds of blessings.
Discuss with your hubby before you disclose your conditions both parents
ReplyDeleteAnd yes!you can conceive without necessarily spending money on IVF.. Someone very close to me treated low sperm count and the wife treated infection for barely six months and now they are five months preggy.
discuss with hubby, tell both parents what the problem is and that you are both taking treatment. further questions and recommendations should not be entertained. nomparent will want to be left in the dark about issues worrying their child. i expect they will be mature enough to keep the information to themselves and not nag both of you about kids..wish you baby dust
ReplyDeleteYou and your husband should decide and agree whether you want your parents to know. If so, he should tell his parents while you talk to your own Mum. Don’t allow yourself to be put under pressure.
ReplyDeleteIt is well
ReplyDeleteYou will testify to the goodness of God very soon
Dear poster, dont tell yours/his folks anything. Tell them God will do His thing at His own time.
ReplyDeletekeep doing what you both have decided. By the way have you and your hubby tried taking ajumbaise? It works wonder. Thank me later.
Poster tell your mum if she knows how to be discreet. You need some emotional. Also remember my husband said my husband said he won't renemrem when they tell him your time Hass passed and he should give another woman a try
DeleteTalk to your husband about it. Whatever decision he comes up with, let him tell his family himself ,then you tell your mum yourself. God will answer your prayer.
ReplyDeleteMy friend got married 2013 and she tried to conceive for 3yrs, they both went for treatment, drugs, injections and all that for 2yrs+. She got tired at a point and stopped all the treatment and drugs this march and three months later, God did it for them. God will do it for you. Try the IVF too. It is well with you
My sister just found out that her hubby has low sperm count! Meanwhile, all this while she's been facing the challenges of people asking her why she doesn't have a child yet. she also did that painful surgery they talk about on this blog not knowing that she's very OK. She and her hubby went to the hospital for check up after she insist they both go together that was when her hubby was diagnosed with low sperm count. He refused to tell her until recently. Men though!
ReplyDeleteWhy go for fertility treatment without testing the guy too. There are guys whose sperm is mostly genetically defective. The pregnancy from their sperm mostly lead to miscarriage. You have to check both parties out .you may truly need to try another man's sperm to finally have a child
Deletethe wife can use yoni pearls to correct her condition and I also think there is a treatment for low sprem count as well
ReplyDeleteI went through pcos before I had my kids. There are different types and different causes of pcos.Google is there for you also try and loose weight if you are overweight. You will conceived soon so don't worry too much.
ReplyDeleteAsk your husband to get his parents off your back while you handle yours.
ReplyDeleteWhy should he leave you to handle this alone.
He's not leaving her to handle they are coming to her directly like mama will visit in the afternoon when she knows full well you're the only one back from work
DeleteI was diagonised of pcos but now I have two boys ,so pcos can be handled by a good gyno
ReplyDeleteBoth of u should go for treatment and continue praying to God, because there is nothing God can't do. Also feed ur husband with food that boost sperm count like roasted plantain and groundnut.keep ur secret and tell them God will soon answer ur prayers. See u with ur baby soon.
ReplyDeleteMust you people tell your families everything? What happened to two married adults sorting themselves out and maybe telling he story when its turned arounf in their favour? What happened to turning the secrets between you over to God and letting him handle the situation. Jeez.... Ignore and do your IVF please.
ReplyDeleteYes.. Pcos is very treatable. .Have you seen your gynecologist... Metformin works a lot.. For that
ReplyDelete.then Hubby.. If the number of sperm is quite elevated.. There is no need telling anyone.. The ivf will work... God's grace..
In a lot of cases women don't speak out but husbands are quick to accept it women's fault.speaking from my experience,my hubby never told his pple he had issues.while his pple were looking out for me he kept quiet.after taking the blame so long I had to speak out to someone matured in the family and she was shocked.intact av had my peace since then.now everybody prays for us.depending on how both families are I think both of u should speak to them.particularly to the mothers.they may have solutions.
ReplyDeleteIn a lot of cases women don't speak out but husbands are quick to accept it women's fault.speaking from my experience,my hubby never told his pple he had issues.while his pple were looking out for me he kept quiet.after taking the blame so long I had to speak out to someone matured in the family and she was shocked.intact av had my peace since then.now everybody prays for us.depending on how both families are I think both of u should speak to them.particularly to the mothers.they may have solutions.
ReplyDeleteThanks to all the people that corrected the wrong notion that low sperm count and ED are hand in hand. There is no scientific basis for that. ED is very different from sperm count. I honestly don’t understand the reason why a lot of people feel relatives need to know what goes on in their marriage. It bothers me. I know marriage is between families in our cultures but a man shall leave his father and mother and be one with his wife is in the Bible. My older best friend here with a married son never asked why the couple didn’t have a kid for 10 years. She and her husband said it’s their life to live, that when they are ready they will. Lo and behold last year, they got a package of baby shoes with a pregnancy announcement letter in the mail. 10 years after, the son and wife are both engineers, one actually a rocket scientist. They said they wanted to enjoy their lives before having a baby. Why do you let relatives into your marriage? Do you know whether your problem is spiritual and whether as the Bible puts it, your enemy is in your household? I lost a relative who waited 7 years and died in her 30s trying to conceive, She later told me before she died that the relative she stayed with after I relocated asked her to be handing over her used pad! Get close to the one you married. Study your relatives prayerfully and know which one to confide in. Was it not here I read about “Pamela why”.
ReplyDeleteThe problem in Nigeria is that for partly economic reasons some relatives don’t want husbands and wives to be very close and that’s why it’s stressful when waiting for the fruit of the womb. No one bothers you here. Some even say they don’t want kids, or they want just one or they have a dog. I’m not asking anyone to not want kids but don’t let it consume your daily life. This couple hiked, went on cruises, travelled etc and enjoyed each other, made each other happy. Stress, including from some relatives can affect the body. This does not mean you shouldn’t be friends with relatives, but don’t leak secrets between you and your husband.