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Monday, December 31, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmmmm,na wah!!!!







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
ADVICE NEEDED FROM MARRIED YORUBA FOLKS



My wonderful bvs, pls I need advice especially from married yoruba peeps. 


My husband nieces and nephew do come to our place(even one of them is staying temporary for sometime)but after eating,they will leave the plate for me to wash, I mean after cooking for them despite that I have plenty house chores and children to care for. 


Instead of my husband telling them ,he will prefer to wash their plates for them telling me they are my baba and iya Oko. We recently travelled to my husband's place to visit his elder sibling,these same nieces and nephew even their mum will still be expecting me to wash plates and cook for them in their own house o,imagine such nonsense.


 I told my husband that am not a slave and will not stoop so low to such. Even my senior wife (I mean the wife of my husband's elder brother) was talking to me as if am a kid just because I married late but I kept my cool all through till we left their place. I don't know why my husband likes siding with his family,he will always fault me,no matter what. So also I was told to call all the nephews and nieces aunty and brother ,but I only call those that are first borns brother and sister.


 I told my husband that if they are no more doing virginity test like the olden days before marriage then some aspect of yoruba culture is going into extension just like aunty this or brother that even though you are over ten or twenty years older than them.

 In my own conclusion from all these,I observed that the families that are not well read,rich or exposed always have archaic and entitlement mentality. What can you advice from all I said?



*Let me read the comments....

90 comments:

  1. Yoruba can't change in this aspect except you meet a well classy and posh family. That's their culture

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    Replies
    1. I'm yoruba and married to a yoruba man and we don't do all this rubbish. Are you unemployed? Because I can't imagine someone keeping plate for me to wash after work. Get your kids a nanny and look for a job to salvage your dignity

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    2. You started it , that is the problem. Never start what you can't finish.

      In the yoruba culture, a wife is a glorified maid, you must be ready to work till you quench while your in laws fold their arms doing nothing.Everybody becomes handicapped when a wife is there and she does everything.

      Since your baby husband cannot deal with the situation, you deal with it, tell them to wash their plates after eating albeit politely except the person is older than you.

      Call one of them to come and assist in the kitchen while you cook or won't they eat part of the food?

      Stop cleaning up after grown ups like a maid.

      You see as per taking sides, most men will always take sides with their family. My in-laws I clipped their wings from day one and i don't do over familiarity. I am very respectful and cordial but I set boundaries. I am older than both of my sister in laws and i call them by names, afterall they find ut convenient to call me by my name too.

      My husband is also a chicken when it comes to his family, very annoying. You can imagine me visiting my mother in law when she saw I was clearly sick and she told me in yoruba "you don't sit down in an in-laws place" but you need to see how this wicked womam pets her own children. That was the deal breaker for me so my eye no dey dey ground again. I just stay on my lane.

      Just pray, apply wisdom and set boundaries.

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    3. That is the way it is .......i would advice you to endure,do the things you can do and leave the rest.
      I already told my husband that when next we are going to visit his parents,they should help us get a stand by person,i will bear the cost.The last time i went there ,body pain finish me.
      This our culture can be very annoiying sha but what can one do.

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    4. Shebi they said Yoruba are very respectful? So how can kids eat and expect their elder to wash for them? Respectful indeed. Hypocrites

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    5. Poster pls are they from ibadan cus u just described a typical local ibadan family

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    6. Poster you started taking that bad habit from those boys and girls, now it's had to discontinue what you started.
      That's how my mum in law told me I should be calling my husband niece (I'm 6 years older than she is) aunty, I told my mother in law jejely instantly that I won't be calling her aunty; that this niece is the one supposed to even call me 'aunty', not like i'm even interested. God forbids bad thing.

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    7. I couldn't type all I wanted too. Poster, whenever those spoilt nephews and nieces come to your house and ear, tell them to pack their plates and go wash in the kitchen.its that simple. Baba oko ko, baba aya ni.
      My uncles (mum's younger brothers) wife wanted to do that eye service with me too. I insisted they call me by my name after all they are way older, and I should be the one running around to please them like I would my elder ones.
      Take your stand now and let them see it for what it Is, else you would be drained trying to please everyone.

      Delete
    8. I also have a niece from my husband's family that I am ten yrs older than,I call her sisi Toyin .I wash her plates together with our plates simply becos she also helps with mopping the *,washing the bathroom,cleaning d cooker and few other things. I will only give her a little space now cos of her mother,won't be gistng with her like be.

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    9. Dear poster you caused this from the beginning there is a saying in yoruba thatwhat you wont take as a rich man dont take it as a poor man. I am yoruba and am married to one even the one older than me calls me anty cos am married to her elder brother, they come to my house and we cook together even my mother in law and i never show myself as jackie appiah infact they feel am too fragile to do some work where as i be pako for my house. First if you dont have anything doing start something. Second reduce,infact stop going to their place for a while always form busy and reduce how you call them. Third, have serious talk with your husband. If they call that they are coming plan a visitation, work, party or go to shop but dont forget to greet them very well o tell them you are in a hurry that they should feel at home... you can say iya oko i have meat in the freezer with boiled pepper.

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    10. Thank you all for your input, learnt one or two things. I call only the first borns sisi and add their names becos some of them are married while most are not.And those that aren't married but are above 25yrs,I don't call them by names cos if I see some unknown people outside like their agemates,I use Γ¨ karo (as per yoruba regarding elderly people),so I use that to regard them.I didn't do mumu o,cos when I travelled to my husband's elder sibling place,I didn't do nada becos I have children to care for and I am not a slave.They have children that am 20 yrs older than.anyway,I appreciate all ur input,God bless. But for those that do say what were you doing during courtship,NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT,I REPEAT,NO PERFECT MARRIAGE. MARRY FIRST ,abi n.a. GOD YOU go marry?

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    11. you are rude with your last statement.

      Delete
  2. You answered your question yourself in your last sentence. Not all Yoruba people,these ones are simply just like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster you be learner ooh. You better put them in their place and stop the damn eye service. You can't pls them all bcos you're not party jelof rice.
      Taloraye oshi?

      Delete
    2. Not all Yoruba in laws are like this my in-laws tried the aunty brother issh with me and I told them that I can't call the nieces and nephews anything other than their names and my hubby's younger brother sef naa name ni o raye Radarada and whenever my bro-in-law eats I tell him to pack after himself I say it to him I am not a maid shikena

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    3. Most Yoruba families are like this... I don't start what I know I won't finish. The first time I visited my InLaws, I helped in cooking, but when it was time to do the dishes,i called out kids in the house to come and do it. I call my husband's younger ones brother and sister even tho I'm older, but I call his nieces and nephews by their names.

      There was a day my husband's elder sister told me to stop calling her children by their names coz I was not their when they named them, I instantly told her I can't,we are no longer in the 80's, in a playful way. And she never talked about it again since then.

      When it comes to my in-laws I simply reject things I don't want with jokes and whether they get the joke or not I'll never do what I don't want to do.

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    4. Red butterfly that's the spirit. Be stylishly rejecting it instanta, let them know your stand. Bad traditions that should have been dropped before millenium.

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  3. I'm Yoruba but this stupid seniority mentality irritates me like mad. About the washing of plates, I think you can open your mouth and tell them to wash their plates. No need for fight o, simply say "Paul, please wash your plate". My husband's nephew stays with us and he's the laziest person in seen in my life. Most times when I want to react badly, I simply remind myself that I have a younger brother too. So I scold him like an elder sister,no fight o and I move on.

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  4. Your last paragraph poster, not all families are like that

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    Replies
    1. Dear poster, please just find a nickname for them all if you can't call them Bro or Aunty.

      Politely tell them to wash their plates e.g. Sisi Bola, please take your plates to the kitchen and wash Ma' especially the one staying with you temporatily

      Also, if they don't do above, stop cooking when they are around.

      God will give you the required wisdom to deal with this.
      #shallom

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  5. My dear, na your hubby suppose correct all those crap. I am Igbo married to Yoruba and I tell you that when I travel to see my parents in-law, I have never cooked or even washed plates after eating as they won't agree. People wey go wash am dey. If they visit nko, they would clear the table after them although i offer to do that but they dont agree( i dont mean parents oh). About bro this, sister that, find nickname give them. Nickname like sisi mii, etc. also no too much interaction or overfamiliarity should be allowed. Thats my style oh

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  6. Yaraba and their wahala. No advise oo

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    Replies
    1. You won't die if you spell Yoruba the proper way you know right?

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  7. This is the second time I'm reading about calling younger ones brother & sister. I've not witnessed it though but if it's true then... Nawa o

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    Replies
    1. Not only younger ones ooo,my sister. Even up to their nieces and nephews ooo

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  8. You last paragraph summarised everything you wrote. Let your husbandis keep washing their plates, and don't allow them get to you. You are not their slave.

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  9. My dear these people are too lazy that is why you see many agberos. All they know is owo and owambeAll they know is owo.

    They can not be trusted at all as gossip na amala where dem dey.

    Anyway I no advice you. Let me wait for their people

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    Replies
    1. This habit of generalizing and condemning must end 2018

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    2. Are you really this stupid ??

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    3. We know ibos wey go school wen we see one. We know d illiterate. U think say na poor people dey do party ni, I served in Aba, dia agbero no get party, for market n for road.

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    4. look at this hopeless babymama.

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    5. Nah wa loveme jeje I did not know you are tribalistic...so disgusting ...what a pity.

      If the only Yoruba people you know are agberos then you need to change your circle hun. 2019 is round the corner, change for the better.

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    6. You will just be showing your unintelligent self upandan. Mtscheew.

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    7. This yori yori woman can yarn dust sha.

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    8. @Yori Yori, it is obvious you mix with low lives, you need to change the calibre of people you mixing with. I am very sure you live in a slum or pako house in Bariga hence your impression about Yorubas. Am surprised someone still hold this kinda retrogressive opinion about a tribe. This shows your level of exposure.

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  10. You should learn to delegate roles/tasks

    It is your home na run it and don't wait for it to run you.
    What your husband is doing is manipulative and in the long run would make you resent him.

    Place the rules for those children let them stay in their father's house if they don't like to wash dishes. It's not like they are going to use their blood as liquid soap, is it?

    Teach them division of labour which is getting work done even faster with everyone being involved even your kids.

    You asked God for a home which He gave you so you should manage it as well and don't allow people living outside it mismanage it for you.

    Talk less and learn to be assertive in a calm way

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you. How can you come and inconvenience me in my own home. Ko possible

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  11. My dear, just do eye service and pretend to worship the ground your husband's people walk on.

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    Replies
    1. Easier said than done.

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    2. Book, she will die before her time Abeg. Poster change it for them in a quiet and calm way. Fear go catch them

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    3. This advice is for fiancΓ©e/gf not wife......Eye service in marriage kolewerk. Marriage that will last forever, so she should do eye service forever...... yimu.

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    4. Una no grab... na sarcasm Castle dey throw.😁

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    5. DatAkwaibomchick, chop kiss 😘

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  12. Poster, it is well with you. The only advice I have for you is be prayerful and patient.

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  13. How are you going to read comments when you are busy swallowing them.

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  14. Just one question. Shey you knew all this things and still went ahead to marry him,so why complain now?

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  15. Well, these things you listed up there are common in yoruba land. Hover ever if you are married to an illiterate family, you cannot escape these things o. Cos they see their sons wife as a slave here in yoruba land. Madam I wish you all d best mehn. Cos I don't have an advice o

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  16. Does this mean i cant marry a yoruba man? Because God knows i cant do that shit i read up there?
    By the way poster, you did not marry a real man. You married a traditional man,a less than a man kind, i am sure he nags too. But you might just have to obey him because it's your cross now. I need to double my prayer points.

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  17. I'm Yoruba married to a Yoruba man and I haven't experienced all you mentioned above.I think it's common with the poor uneducated village parents.

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    Replies
    1. Honestly you have answered her questions. Its not only applicable to yoruba peeps...ibo too...i am a living experience.

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    2. Wch Igbo family will expect u to call yuro husband's nieces and nephews aunty and brother? Biko sofri dey lie abeg.

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  18. Didn't you know about this tradition before chooking head, give unto tradition what is tradition

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  19. All of you ladies preparing to marry Yoruba demons, congrats in advance!

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  20. Again no courtship, just prepare for wedding and write chronicles.

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  21. I'm a young wife with two kids my husband's family are domineering, they almost ruined my marriage from the very first day. My hubby takes sides with them no matter what they do to him but will never fail to hurl insults at me at the slightest provocation. According to him, his family does no wrong in his eyes. His elder sister carried my first son and started breastfeeding him. He was almost 2 years then, I complained 2 my hubby ,he was angry at me. After I gave birth to my second son, she reminded me that he is yet to suck her breast because sucking her breast brings blessing.With everything I've gone through I have done family planning ,waiting for the right time to run away with my kids. I wish I could speak with someone. I'm 26 years old. My husband isn't Yoruba .I've been through hell in this marriage that I don't even remember my wedding dates cos I don't care. I don't watch my wedding videos or pictures cos no joy

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    Replies
    1. What sort of nonsense blessing is that!? That your husband is a boy toy for his family...mtschewwww

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    2. This is so sad!

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    3. Whatttt, allow another woman breastfeed your baby because it brings blessings? What does yours bring? Curses??? Oh my God.
      Why can't you stand for your children even if you can't stand for yourself. Oh my God...

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    4. Give your son breast as in breastfeed him? 😱😱😱. Aluuuuuuu

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    5. This is so wrong. This is sacrifice. Not good at all.

      Dirty blessings my foot. Please be strong to gather strength and run

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    6. God forbid. Please stand up for your kids o! . Initiation in the name of breastfeeding.

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    7. Are you not afraid of witchcraft?
      Sit down there and be crying like a baby while they destroy your future and kids
      Na wetin do the woman womb?let her go and birth and breastfeed her own offspring

      Delete
    8. This is not a good thing, how can she say it’s for blessings, something that isn’t done in any tradition. That’s strictly juju and she has ties her brother that’s why he can’t see anything wrong. Dont you have your own family, go home before they give your children hiv

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    9. Please what did I just read?
      Things are happening under the Heavens.
      This is how generational bondage starts.

      Madam, you had better start fasting and praying to break whatever evil bond that SIL has initiated via that abnormal breastfeeding upon your children. It's not a joking matter.

      It's not as if you aren't alive.
      Women are going through a lot.

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    10. Ur mumu don do ijn...hope she's not molesting ur children

      Delete
  22. I guess u know the Yoruba tradition before u get married in to dat family.I am a Yoruba lady but i don't pray to marry into an illiterate family where they see their son's wife as slave.For the respect aspect call them nick names like sisi Eko,Broda Ibadan,if u can't call dem aunty.For the house chores,let ur husband speak on ur behalf and please do eye service bcus Yoruba pple like jovial and friendly wife.Don't familiarize urself with the nephews. Let there be a boundary.They will respect u and do the house chores as commanded.These things need wisdom so that your marriage will stand the test of time

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  23. You started this my dear,I'm a Yoruba girl,single though but my cousin's wife kept serious boundary right from the beginning, at first everybody said all sorts because they could nt get into her home but right now everybody is alright,the necessary respect is been accorded and other cousins' wives all followed the first's foot step.Guess what ,she is an house wife who just started her business just this year after 10 years of marriage.from the little I have experienced as a Yoruba girl,your inlaws don't have to be your 5&6,just pick a very few that you see that your interest align and face your front.Na too much familiarity they cause make them poke nose to your business really

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  24. Poster, wisdom is needed here. Since your marriage cuts across culture you need to thread with caution to avoid being miserable in your marriage. Although families that have literate members may not give such challenges, but where you are married into the ones that illiterates are dominant, you have issues like this. Onus lie on you to apply wisdom. If you want to start dragging issues with them then there may be a gang up against you and if per adventure you have issues with your husband and you dont have anyone to run to then it will be too bad.

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  25. Oya file for divorce pls.if u cant cope pls.

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    Replies
    1. I'm Yoruba too and I refused to marry my ex for these reasons. The family treated the wives like slaves and generally disrespected them. The junior wives cooked for the entire house during festive seasons, washed all dirty plates, fetched water into large barrels and bathed all the kids of the house(not only yours). The guy's parents named all their sons' kids and you MUST call them by those names. I attended their function once and knew I wouldn't thrive in such a marriage and called it quits. What rubbish!

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  26. God knows dat I won't even tolerate that....watever it's their way is their business and am d last person to do eye service. Poster , it's d way yu started with them....yu better lay it out on d table in order to gain ur sanity.

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  27. It all depends on the family. I am Yoruba and my brother married from all over. In fact na my iyawos dey rush us as we are too busy to be poke nosing. Why would I enslave a fellow woman me that hates domestic chores? During our iyawos omugwos, we would rather take them shopping for their baby items, provide baby nurse, drivers and food everyday if they want. In fact they come to my house to rest. I will travel and come back and they are still in the guest house. Who aunty this and that help? Abeg live and let live. I don't understand why a fellow woman will give another woman hell in their husband's house.

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    Replies
    1. God bless you anonymous 16:48 for treating your SILs like blood family.

      Regarding your last statement, I do wonder why.

      Delete
  28. I'm Yoruba too and I refused to marry my ex for these reasons. The family treated the wives like slaves and generally disrespected them. The junior wives cooked for the entire house during festive seasons, washed all dirty plates, fetched water into large barrels and bathed all the kids of the house(not only yours). The guy's parents named all their sons' kids and you MUST call them by those names. I attended their function once and knew I wouldn't thrive in such a marriage and called it quits. What rubbish!

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  29. This is a no no for me, completely unacceptable. I'm married to a yoruba man and also yoruba, from Day one i didnt smell what i can't eat. I cant be calling anyone Aunty or Uncle upandan for what na? One of my In law wanted to show herself there and there in front of my husband i gave it to her, she had to start apologizing at the end of the day. My husband wasnt happy but i didn't care, as long as I'm happy in the long run that's all that matters. Pls put your foot down! No matter what you do or how you behave you can never please anyone,so why try?

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  30. Poster, you just described my situation. That is their way of life expecially if you are not a yoruba like them. They will turn you to slave. Your are to respect them young or old.
    All my sisters in law are older than me and I give all of them their respect including my parents in law till now. In fact one of my sisters in law told me that I must give the same respect that accord her to her children. The funniest thing is I am older than all of them. They would drink water and expect me to fill the bottle. I would be in the kitchen cooking none of them would come out to assist but once food is ready they would remember there is kitchen. I would sweep n mob d floor they wouldn't come out until I finish. Even if I am coming from the market nobody would help me to carry bag.
    Infact one of them almost fought me. A 16 years old girl oooo. That was when I exploded like a time bomb. I told them I was going back to my family house. They started begging, calling some family member to beg. I accepted but I told hubby I must relocate 4 my sanity. He supported. Today I am not with them anymore. Everybody stay your line.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had the same issues when I got married, my husband junior brother that i senior with 9 years, wants me to serve him, wash his plates and still give him money anytime he comes around. Can you imagine that rubbish? I stood my ground, though it earned me enmity with them. Who cares?

      Delete
  31. I’m Yoruba married to a Yoruba man but my husband is a terror. I can’t even get up to go get food at a family party. The way he will look at me. The day other wives came to call me to follow and collect owo iyawo ile, he told them off and warned them never to call his wife for any iyawo activities. And the family I come from doesn’t do this nonsense either. If you want to host people, contribute and get a caterer. If oga isn’t going to be there, I make sure I order small chops or something and have it delivered early and I show up like a guest.

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  32. I’m Yoruba and I married into a traditional Yoruba family. Let me give you an example when we did a mini introduction his mom was kneeling down to greet me. Anyway it’s about not smelling what you can’t eat. And they know me very well. Don’t get me wrong I do my bit but I will not do pass myself and I set boundaries early on to avoid stories that touch.

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  33. Poster, you should have set your boundaries earlier in the relationship, but now is a good time do do so. It is not too late to reject this rubbish. I am Yoruba married into a Yoruba family and would never do such. U guessed right though, illiteracy and poverty contributes to this archaic mentality.

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  34. All these stories makes me thank God I'm Igbo and married to an Igbo. Hubby is an only son with a only 1 sister who I'm older than by 2 years self.
    No too much familiarity, I dey stay my lane and can't even start what I can't finish.

    Na them dey rush me self...lol

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  35. Which kind archaic tradition be that wey you go enslave another person daughter.

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  36. i pray to marry my tribe if not na Yoruba i still prefer. i will give everyone their respect mostly older ones. i aint calling no junior one Auntie or Broda. nothing like baba oko or iya oko for my dictionary

    ReplyDelete

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