Stella Dimoko Iya Ibeji Series -Men Mourn Differently...


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Saturday, December 15, 2018

Iya Ibeji Series -Men Mourn Differently...

A friend of mine lost his wife this year during child birth.

When he told me about it I couldn't believe it and he asked me if he could joke about a thing like that. I felt so bad, we live in different cites but I wanted to hug him so bad.

So everyday I reached out to him, asking about his kids, mostly the new born baby. I also asked about his welfare, because he was being hard on himself. I would tell him I was sending warm hugs his way, rubbing his hand etc. Seriously I said all that to comfort him.

But then I noticed we were getting closer, I have known this guy from when we were both single. He didn't asked me out then. But since his wife died I started noticing somethings, at first I thought it was in my head.

It wasn't in my head anymore, this guy was hitting on me. He would compliment my pictures, my posts like he was stalking me online.
I felt sorry for him because l knew he was lonely. Before now I used to judge men that got married almost immediately after they lost their wives.

But now I have seen how loneliness roped my friend. I see him missed his wife and long for a female companion. Now I understand one of my mum's favourite sayings "A child can comfort a woman that's why a woman who looses her husband in her 20s can stay the rest of her life without remarrying, but a man needs a woman to comfort him that's why it's rare to see men wait for so long to remarry after losing a spouse".

Few weeks ago I travelled to the city where this my friend reside but I didn't let him know. I was still comforting him on the phone. I felt bad that I couldn't go and see him, but I did that for him and myself.

I discussed this situation with my friend who is still single and to my surprise she was interested in dating him. Whoa I was like please give this guy time to mourn his wife, I know him and this isn't him.

So my friend kept pushing me to introduce then and after 7 months I jokingly told him that when he is ready to date I have a friend that is single and nice.

He said I shouldn't introduce anyone to him when I haven't come to see him. I kinda feel he has developed a thing for me and I am hoping the thing will pass quickly.

I think my mistake was the way I comforted him when his wife just died. I was too mushy and emotional and all. And I was always online chatting with him.

Now I have an idea of how men mourn. I know what to do if a situation like this ever occurs.
*Na wah!!!


  1. I don't really know what to say about this narrative.
    I'll be back

    1. Iya ibeji take your friend with you and go visit him. Then introduce them there and then, and back off. It's like you too like the man, look at your statement that you didn't go see him for the benefit of you both, meaning that you also have feeling for him.

  2. "Sending hugs and rubbing his hands"
    Were you not the one that started the flirting? Now that your consignments have landed, you are running? Go and finish up what you started and probably birth another twins for him.

    1. Hahahah 😁😀 anon you harsh o.

    2. Hahahahahahah Anons don't Mind her when she dey Rob hand She Forget say body no be Fire wood..

    3. God, human beings are wicked. I actually laughed out loud at this. But thanks for saying it just as it is. She started the flirting and she can't dam come here to talk like she didn't know what she was doing or the effect it would have on the guy. Keep hugging and rubbing his hands as the hand rubber that you is na.

  3. Everyone not just men has different ways to handle emotional issues.
    He maybe feling hurt inside but dont want it to weigh him down.
    Chatting with you maybe easiest way for him to get over it.
    I feel for the kids.
    Hope your friend is the type that love children.

  4. Hmmmm...I understand that you were trying to be kind and all but now he's catching feelings, Lol, and who says its only men who need support from the opposite sex when they loose their spouse?

  5. Lol
    Remembered last week,my parents mutual friend came visiting and I was at my parents too. He jokingly asked my dad when he is gonna remarry. His facial expressions was so funny. He looked me and asked if he could ever, that no one can ever wear my momma shoe. I told him the choice is his not mine.We joked over it, but deep down I know it's not easy sleeping alone.

    1. He's been with her for ages it won't be easy for him to take another woman

  6. Its really not easy for men that loose their wives.ppl tend to check on a woman that loses her husband than a man that lost a wife
    .ppl expect him to handle it like a MAN.thanks for reaching out to him,i think since u were mostly there for him,it was kinda normal for him to catch feelings.It is well with him,i hope he finds someone good for him and his kids

  7. Enyahh.
    He actually needs someone to help him with the kids and not a wife at this period of his life.
    If he goes ahead to marry, he might never find closure in the new woman.
    He is just acting under the influence of his great loss,i'm not sure he actually feels any love for neither you or any other woman as it is.

  8. Iya Ibeji you sef like the man. Lol

  9. The man has always been loosed abeg

  10. Please allow the man to mourn his wife first before developing unnecessary feelings.
    My colleague died from elampsia @6months pregnancy...just 1year marriage.
    Her husband deleted all their wedding pics,pre-wedding and the girl's pics on his Facebook
    Next thing is SINGLE just after two months of her burial.Men sha,they easily move on jare.

    1. It is actually a two way thing,my brother had kidney problem and his wife left him unconscious in the house giving the key to the gateman and calling his family to go check him,he was in a comma and she never bothered to show up at the hospital till he died two years later,she actually aborted his pregnancy saying she had a miscarriage and later went on to have a baby for a man with three wives already.All these happened a year after marriage hence my saying it swings both ways,some people are just heartless

  11. But if a woman dears to move on that fast...u will start hearing stories

  12. Iyabeji one question for you. Why is a married man ur friend? Will u tolerate ur hubby having female friends acting mushy mushy ko

  13. Which one is rubbing hands again!? Flirt Flirt flirt flirt alert


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