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Friday, January 11, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
REBUILDING TRUST



Good day Stella and thanks for the beautiful work you do. 


Please I need advice on what I can do to rebuild my trust. 

I lost my marriage two years ago under a very harsh condition. 

My Ex hurt me with his infidelity and ever since I have tried to heal and move on and I think I am doing okay but I think some how I have developed trust issues.


 I am trying to date again but it's hard cos I am always scared the person is lying or cheating even without proof. It's so bad.

 let me give an example, if you ask me out and for some reason I call you and you don't pick, my mind is like Chai! he is cheating, worse you fail to call in 24hrs I will just zero my mind and even go as far as blocking the numbers cos i feel my instincts is telling me something. 


I have very high expectations in communication and if for any reason not met, I am thinking otherwise and blocking you off.


I don't know how I got here but I am pushing men away . Now I met this fellow he works with a foreign NGO and rarely returns or take calls while at work. 

Yesterday, he did not call all through and I had made up my mind not to call and did not. He called this morning and when I saw the call I did not pick it, he called an hour later I still did not pick but I called this evening and we spoke for an hour till he had to go and said he will call back later. It's past two hours and no call. You won't believe I just said a prayer thus " Lord don't let him hurt me, check for me if he is playing with me, please expose him or make him go away but don't let me hurt" 

Trust me Stella I have said this prayer on some other fellow that approach me and then I begin to Shut down. 

Why can't I just relax and enjoy this relationship? How can I learn to trust and not be afraid cos trust me as I have started with him in my mind like this SMH I don't know. I want to trust but how can I do it. 

Please BVs I am open to suggestions. I used to be confident and let my ex relate with females even to the extent of pretending I am just his staff, just so women could feel comfortable doing business with him cos we worked together then but now I am afraid every man is out to do me evil or cheat. I beg make una help me.

51 comments:

  1. Poster we nor fit help you o. only you can help yourself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too have that problem, i dont trust when a girl tells me shes a virgin, i must check to see for myself, one finger cant hurt.

      Delete
    2. Lmao....she needs to see a therapist,

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    3. Go see a counselor.

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    4. Anon 16:08, is like your brain is paining you 😏😏😏

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    5. I would have loved to ask you to go for therapy but having you trust a man again is dangerous if you ask me. The best I can do is ask you to date without putting in a 100% of your emotions. If you are lucky to meet a trustworthy man eventually, the trust will be rebuilt naturally...

      Delete
    6. Anon 16:08, na soup u the deep one finger taste? poster keep working on your psychology. u will relax with time. once bitten twice shy.

      Delete
  2. I think you're in love. Just calm down and take things easy. What will be will be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women and this their Warped sense of Entitlement. Madam Call him! you dont know his situation there.

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    2. Try relax and be less uptight . Don't put it on your mind that all relationship would lead to marriage. Date, have fun, enjoy yourself. Go to Restaurant, do fun stuffs, life is too short to stay all uptight.

      Delete
  3. Hehehehee...you are on a loooooong thing.

    Pretend you are dating Don Juan, how would you cope?
    Just assume you are dating one, even if he's upright, you will live long.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Continue like that please, a man that truly loves and he's into you will call to check u up atleaxt once in a day..

    Busy or not busy... There's time to breath, to urinate, to eat, to yawn, to visit the toilet..

    How many mins in between to say hi..!!

    Please follow your guides!!
    It will help you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My friend Shutup dia!! If they call to check up on the man, what will happen?

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    2. What happens to a woman calling a man she likes too mehn..
      This is 2019 ladies.. Shoot your shots and when the shots have been shot, maintain your shots.
      Eschew every form of pride biko, do what you gotta do.
      There's no law that states that it's only men that should communicate first.
      Poster, call your man, stop the simesime.. Check up on him just because...

      Delete
  5. Yaba left escapee11 January 2019 at 15:12

    Nobody can help you, how do we get inside your head with tools & start fixing a the pipeline of trust that is leaking? You alone can cultivate the habit of trusting strangers again, everyone is guilty till proven innocent, doesnt mean you should immediately start fishing for skeletons, when you start that adventure, you'll likely see white plastics looking like fossils & you will end another relationship. One man hurt you in the past & uv let it destroy your future happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone is taking his meds today.

      Delete
    2. @yaba left escape, the more appropriate advice in this case should be "Everyone is innocent until proven guilty"... That will help her enjoy relationship better. Poster, U don't need to trust any man but urself & the value U re capable of bringing into any relationship, then watch things fall in place... Choose peace of mind, always!

      Delete
  6. You need to just relax. I hope asides the infidelity in your past marriage your attitude didn't add to the issues. I have also been cheated on countless times but never been married. My ex living abroad even married an oyinbo there after doing introduction with me here. So iv been through alot.
    Luckily for me I am never really short of men. The way I live my life I don't over-think things. There is a guy that is asking me out at present. He didn't call me throughout yesterday,I no even think his matter. I just put it as I know he's a very busy person. His business is haulage so sometimes he's at port till 12am. If hes cheating I no even think am. I call him once,twice he doesn't pick and I don't call again. My sister I no think am. I know he will call me back.
    I have a life, a job,career,friends I hang out with. Man is not my life. If he likes let him even cheat. I also have another guy showing interest in me. This one masses up and I will switch.
    I can't kill myself over a man. Poster you need to get busy and enjoy your life pls. Don't you have friends or other guys chiking you ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sis we are in the same WhatsApp group no time

      Delete
    2. No farking time oooo....I only got one life to live.

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    3. Anon 15.20

      That’s my new mantra too. You got it right jor . Smart comment. 😘

      Delete
    4. 15:20 that is the best attitude towards life and best way to live. Abeg there is more to life than MAN.

      Delete
  7. Calm down ,not all guys are wired to cheat.I may be wrong though but just fall in love and enjoy the moment.No man will date you for long with this attitude.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ....i dont think you've completely gotten over your Ex, its impossible to regain trust without first regaining control of your emotional well-being by finding your inner peace with the pain you felt.
    A wise American scuba diver said "Stop asking me to trust you while i'm still coughing up water from the last time you let me drown"... he was right! Poster u still got water in your lungs, you need more time to heal.
    We've all been cheated on a particular product in the market, it doesnt stop us from shopping, we just become wiser & know how to look closely with further questions.

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  9. consult a therapist,cos I av no professional advice to give..ur story sounds like 1 with psychological probs

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  10. I understand you well. that is what hurt does to people.

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  11. Sorry about your breakup. You just have to let go, it is difficult to forget but you need to give them the benefit of doubt. To me, I think you should start from being friends with anybody that you fancied first. It is always better to have a no sex relationship.
    So, you pretended to be just a Staff of your Ex, hmmmmmn, because of money, right? Playing the understand and enlightened woman. You will be okay.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Can't speak on the trust issues part but I don't know how someone wont check on his partner in 24hrs to know how he or she is doing. I excuse for that abeg no matter how busy especially if you wanna spend forever with that person. At least a text or something

    ReplyDelete
  13. Calm down, he might truly be busy.

    Trust no one though

    ReplyDelete
  14. Poster. I totally get you, i am actually in the same position because i trusted a man who swore he didnt talk to other women not to talk of seeing them, accused me all the time only to find out he was cheating all along. That put me off track i became to cautions of everything, when people tell me I'm beautiful or they love me i second guess and question everything but i had to have a sit down with myself and have a honest conversation. This was all my fault, i gave him my power because i clearly depended on him to make me happy hence why i felt hurt badly. That was the mistake we make. Stop having expectations so you do not get disappointed , trust yourself enough know what you deserve, practice self love and open your heart to love regardless. You are still holding on to the hurt thats why you still have problems with trusting, heal yourself first and dont date anyone until you are WHOLE Mind, body and soul.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hmmmmmm poster im somehow like you. Communication means a lot to me. If you say you will call pls call. If you say chat later then chat me later if for any reason you can't or you are too busy a quick message will do. I will understand you are busy but I hate being disregarded. Honestly if someone regards you or truly cares for or if you are in any way his priority he will check up on you. It's vice versa too but at the early stages the men who really want something serious with you are at top gear with it. Eventually it won't really matter who checks in anymore. it just flows. I know some men are badddd with texting, those kinds they do calls a lot. I know too everybody needs space to breathe but my dear follow your instincts. Its telling you something.

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  16. I don't really know if I should tell u that the guy is the one for you cos I strongly believe in communication between partners. Nothing stops you from calling or texting at least once a day.

    Let's say u were busy at work. During ur lunch time nko. The few minutes you spend before going to bed nko. Even if it's 1min, it's very vital (IMO)


    So I really don't think this guy is really into you sef.

    ReplyDelete
  17. First, I am sorry about your divorce and all you went through in the marriage. Dem say person wey madman kill him mama, if he sight naija mechanic, he go pick race. Your fears are quite legit. However, I also believe that your problem is quite a simple one to solve.

    Simply let a man know from the outset that 'delayed communication/feedback' is a deal-breaker for you. A man who really wants to be with you will understand, adjust or lay his own cards on the table as well. For example he might say: "I am a bank cashier and I cannot pick or return calls between 8am and 5pm." That's a legit excuse ma'am.

    A man who is available 24/7 to pick or return calls is either the boss or jobless. You may send sms or whatsapp chats instead so that you can be notified as soon as they read your message. Also, ask for an official line you can call in case of an emergency. Plan how you're both going to spend the weekend so that you are sure of where he is at all times. If he is at a church wedding on a Saturday, you'd certainly not expect him to pick a call right inside the church for about two hours or more.

    Finally, relax! Men don't feel too comfortable around insecure women except for manipulative intents. Remember too that knowing where a man is 24/7 is not an assurance that he won't cheat and besides, not all relationships will lead to marriage. Enjoy every happiness that life brings your way dear for tomorrow is only a promissory note. I wish you love, laughter and peace. Be strong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster u should heed this advice !πŸ‘Œ

      Delete
  18. You need to speak to a therapist. There are some things you need to work out. It's good you've recognised these problems that's a step in the right directions. Now you need to go seek professional help.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I can relate poster
    You have to let go of the past hurt and live your life to the fullest

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    Use this link

    https://couponcode.ng/awards/african-female-bloggers-award-2019/

    ReplyDelete
  20. Don't allow d devil use ur fears to diverge u of ur joy..just get busy n love love.b4 u get bp on top man matter,renew ur mind, if nt after marriage n babies start coming, mmm.ego worry o

    ReplyDelete
  21. The first step is Peace with God and allow him to lead you in making a choice of someone who believes in him like you do.
    Second step, tell the man your fears; what happened with your ex and if he is "playing", to leave you alone.
    Third step, work on your fears with him; fasting, praying, study of the word; thus mustering self control.
    It is a lifetime work.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Here to read comments cuz right now am in the same situation. My ex of ten years cheated on me before we call it quits. Right now its affecting my marriage. Anytime hubby didn't pick my call,I always assume he's cheating. God pls help me to trust again.

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  23. I think you are taking this relationship thing too serious.free your mind please.

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  24. poster i think u should get something that will keep u busy so that when he doesnt call u won't even noticed.

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  25. U are not healed.take ur time to heal first

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  26. Get a grip poster,you need time to heal,follow the guy gently,nonexpectations no disappointment, make sure you know what you want in a man first,that's the first step,match it upmwith this guy,if he's n't upnto your expectations,close up,if he is feel free,be positive,be strong,live with all your heart you have nothing to lose,how will you experience true love or enjoy the relationship when you are already scared,fear is dangerous o,deal with that and learn to be strong,give your heart to God and love to the fullest when you meet someone worth it,enjoy the moment,live in the moment ,that's the key to happiness,I don talk finish

    ReplyDelete
  27. Poster I can relate in some certain way because I have been hurt so bad in this thing we call love and dating but instead it made me wiser and stronger and obviously not to take shit from a man. What I will advise you to do is to relax, do not put your whole heart in there, apply wisdom in all you do and give what you can loose without feeling hurt/used

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  28. Can't you ladies stay single for once? i mean, i have been single for two years now and i feel more free mind more than ever before, learn how to be single and give your self a free breeze. I rest case.

    ReplyDelete
  29. You have to have inner peace despite all that is happening around you. Only time one can find pure dis-virgined love is at you teen. But as you get older you are knowing more people and have more friends. For men
    they are also knowing more women. You have to find away to accommodate this till you guys are together. Grown men will always find a way to discharge else they are inviting prostrate issues.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You just have to free your mind first. It's hard but you have to try.

    ReplyDelete

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