Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Saturday, January 19, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

Hmmmm........






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DATING A FRIENDS EX




Good day,


I met my boyfriend through a friend.He needed to start up an NGO and called my friend help him with it,she told me the vision,i loved it and told her am joining.A whatsapp group was created for everyone in the association and he picked up my number and began to call,then we would just talk about the NGO,thankfully it came just about the time i was about to pass out from NYSC camp.so i worked as a volunteer with the NGO to keep myself busy while job hunting.


Fast forward to some months later,he asked me out and i was surprised because i used to think my friend was dating him,i was like,a friend who went as far as helping out with his NGO like it's her NGO too?but he said they were just close, so I opted for the relationship.Few weeks into it,i told him i was done with the relationship because i just felt like he had something extra to do with my friend and i don't want to be tagged a snatcher.I don't mean to brag but i am extremely loyal to anybody i call friend.We worship in the same church too.


And so after much ado,he went to my friend and asked her to go and ask me to loosen up that i am avoiding him because of her and my friend actually came and did that and so we continued.


So a time came,the young man messed up with my emotions and lots.All three of us are spiritual people,so with the drama i went to see my pastor and i confided in him,in the cause of my counselling my pastor began to ask me personal questions about him and how we met. He discovered that my friend who came for counselling few months before i started dating him said she was also in a relationship with my boyfriend.Please note he denied having any such relationship with her whether in the past or present before we started dating.


I was offended and heart broken because the pastor just told me in his own opinion call off that relationship now,on the grounds of,how can he confuse two of my spiritual daughters and jam our heads together over him and he calls himself a a born again.He also told me,the same complaint you have about this guy is the complaint your friend had but your friend didn't break up because each time she did he will come begging.


He told me,he said to her in a stern tone,i don't want to hear anything about you and that doctor again if you are not ending it then carry your cross and stop complaining if you want to keep being in an abusive relationship and she stopped coming for counselling sections and he doesn't know if she eventually called it off.


I called my friend immediately after the counselling section and begged her ''nne,please tell me did he ever promise to marry you'' (that's what the our pastor said she told told him,it was a relationship with marriage in view).she said ''all i can tell you is that we are best friends,if you want to know beyond this,ask him by yourself'' and she cut the call on me.She also said to me,he values and treats all his friends well so at times you can even think he was actually coming for you and that's not his intention.He just treats everyone well,so ask him what you are to him and accept in good faith what he tells you.


I want to state clearly,this is not the first time someone is telling me he/she is his best friend but when i asked him,he said he/she is a good friend that he respects.The first person was a male friend of his i got to interact with,i asked him,this your best friend i never knew of,and he was like,we are just very good friends and he's a great guy.


So i began to ask my boyfriend questions about my friend.How often do you see her?Talk with her on phone?He said once in a while and they are cool with it.I asked what do you people discuss,he said mostly God and the NGO.I asked him,have you ever any challenge that threatened your friendship with her,he said yes,that when she had an accident he wasn't calling as a friend or cared very much to at least send a text.We are in different states.My friend and I in Abia,he's in Abuja.He said it's because he was writing a medical licensing exam for another country so his mind wasn't even there at all.She will chat him up,he won't respond.He didn't know the accident was so bad that she used clutches.My friend stopped texting and calling and then she was already a friend he had forgotten in the course of the exam.


So one day he got a text from my friend saying he's not a good person and he should never call or chat her up again,that he abandoned her and didn't care when she needed him most.He said that day he begged like his life depended on it and was deeply sorry because he knows its not fair not to have at least checked up on her and just concluded the accident was a minor one but his head full then.I timed this story the period she went for counselling was when she was recovering from the accident and the pastor told me the guy just didn't care enough about her at all especially when she had the accident.I had this same experience he is emotionally distant and disconnected and that drove me crazy several times,blame you for everything that went wrong with us.


I went further to ask him,''did you ever say i love you to her'' he said never,those words are very expensive and i tell that to just you so he won't confuse any other girl.I asked him,''did you mention anything marriage''.He said i told her on few occasions that you are a good girl and that his family knows her as his friend and she was at his sister's wedding just recently but he never proposed or discussed anything about it to her.They are still in touch.


And i begin to wonder,why will my friend seek counselling if they weren't dating,did she also get confused and think he had interest.We almost ended it about twice and he said he was just inexperienced and thought it was just OK to treat his girl like a friend.He admitted his wrong with me and began reading books and listening to messages on relationship and he was really improving.


I went for counselling in the first place because he really dealt with me at a point,he will be so cold but if you choose to step back and give him space,he will call and just blame you for not being there for him.

He didn't use to give time to making calls and at times he will just be like are you even OK,though he will be laughing oo,but i didn't like it.It was later he admitted inexperience and that for example when he is talking to his friends he can say are you OK and they will all laugh over it,that just had never occurred to him that such things are likely to affect me because we had a different kind of relationship.He is a church boy,born and bread by a top Nigerian pastor father.But he really changed for the better after then but i always hear people say that men will never change and if he did it once he will keep doing it,so i didn't trust him enough again to feel free with him again because i didn't want to be hurt again.


So i was telling my pastor,i have forgiven,i just can't forget and give my everything to him again because i am scared he might go back to that behaviour,before the pastor started asking me other things about how we met and somehow traced it back to my friend.


Now i am confused,did this guy lie about his status to my friend or did my friend fall for the normal way he treats people.He was extremely nice as my friend,but on dating him i expected more than being just friends now emotions are involved.My pastor said in the course of interviewing my friend,he found out he hasn't introduced her to any spiritual father or mentor as a person he will want a lifetime with.So he asked he me to tell him to introduce me to his family and spiritual heads if he hasn't and if he refuses then you know he actually had something to do with her .So i stylishly told him to take me to his family and spiritual head and he graciously agreed.I am now confused,because he is now the one asking me when i will find time for us to go and meet them and i keep giving excuses.


He doesn't know what i learnt about him and my friend recently.My pastor said i should go ahead and see his people.But i am just worried he might resume his normal behaviour and then my friend,how will i even face her because she hasn't been giving me face since the day i called her to ask her.I even had to apologise but she didn't respond.


Me on the other hand,i am turning on ghost mode for him.I have silently blocked him on instagram and telegram,unfriended him on facebook,deleted his pictures from my phone and i am gradually reducing the length at which we talk and chat.He called me just few minutes ago and he was saying baby i love you and i told him thank youand He is asking me what the problem is.He just doesn't know i am silently plotting my escape,even if it means changing my number.I got a new Job in another state so i am relocating soon(i haven't even told my friend yet because i wanted to leave without a trace) however i am beginning to have a rethink if i am making the right move.




*This your story is headache inducing....
Why are you pretending like you dont know you are dating your friends ex?It probably didnt work out with them but they definitely had something together .,even though it appears like your friend has denied and may not mind.
You are the best person who knows what you want....if you feel going ghost on him and disappearing will give you peace of mind then do it,if not then,open up and trash this with him,tell him everything about what your friend told the Pastor and wait for reactions.
Good luck but i dont think your friend will remain your friend again after this whole ish,whether you end up with him or not...

78 comments:

  1. Why poster; didn't you learn summary in school. I really wanted to read and give you my opinion but oh dear; The composition was bad and it's too long. I hope other BVs read till the end and give you the advice you need. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "So long a letter" by Mariama Ba. This is what all this reminds me of. Are you still a teenager? He said, she said, pastor said, I said.

      Delete
    2. What an epistle i stopped fro my friend said....
      Oniranu ni doctor yii, ur pastor is right. Postee grow up

      Delete
    3. These church boys are the worst kind of womanizers!!! Kikikikiki
      Because they don’t have to claim anybody cos of ‘church mode’.. so they end of dating many friends and sisters in the Lord
      Lmao

      Inexperience kΓ²

      Abeg, I don’t want to write long story but madam, just know that you are just one of the girls ‘in a relationship’ with that doctor boy. Also know that he is a big time manipulator and will keep you on a leash until either your eyes open and you run or he marries someone else while you are still here calling yourself girlfriend...


      My advice- do yourself a favour and RUN!!!! Run with your toes touching the back of your head cos His type is the absolute worst!!!

      Delete
    4. Too long to read

      Delete
    5. Anon 17:17 - you’re so right. Poster, it’s like you’re a learner

      Delete
    6. I believe that friend of yours only assumed he was dating her. No offense to ladies, but some ladies have a tendency to mis-interprete a guy's niceness to mean relationship. I had similar experiences in my church too. A lady I was always nice to almost got me tagged double dater in my church. I find myself debunking rumors up and down. At some point I had to start acting cold to ladies in my church. I had 3 of such experiences before I eventually got married.

      Delete
    7. I agree with you 100% on this. Poster, confront your BF with your facts and make your conclusion

      Delete
  2. At a point ur story got me angry, I was like, which kind mumu girl is this?

    News flash, that boy n ur friend broke beds, exchanged fluids, he's not not saying the truth abeg, are u a learner? If u don't stop, you see that chronicle of yesterday about an ex who's still in d picture, that will be ur story.

    Born again that is busy spraying sperm like tap.

    When u wanna eat leftover food, eat the one u don't know d owner..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚spraying sperm like tap. Your last line is the truth.

      Delete
    2. Igbammmmmmmm

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    3. 2 bleesed 2 curse19 January 2019 at 16:01

      As in eehhh very annoying chronicle

      Delete
    4. Exactly, they had a lot together but she doesn’t want to answer you so she doesn’t come off like a spoilt girl cus all of you are deceiving yourself that you are born again.
      My advice is, if you really want to serve God leave all this rubbish and serve Him, when it’s time He will bless you
      That boy is forming inexperienced cus he wants to be eating his cake and having it, stop forming like you don’t like him by forming blocking him. Anyway if you really love him go and see all those people let everyone know you are the woman in his life, all this hide hide relationship no dey help anyone

      Delete
  3. Poster this your chronicle too long abeg I dey come make I face my hot jollof rice. I go read am finish when my Belle don full then I go fit reply you well.

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  4. These girls are in the church to get and secure husbands and not eternal life!

    YOu claim to have "given Jesus" your life but in important matters of your life, you kick him out. Marriage is one matter that he leads his people to do his will, same with career etc.
    You, your "friend", your "pastor" do not seem to have a "personal relationship" with Jesus. And the man both of you are struggling and cutting calls on each other is entirely an alien to him.

    Must one of you marry him? Where is decency in the so called followers of Christ?
    😯😯😯

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This your story has "migrene" written all over it.

      Keep saying we are born again and we attend the same church.

      Also, keep sharing body fluid while feigning ignorance. He is gbenshing your friend.

      Congratulations to the three of you and your Pastor that seems unable to give you reasonable advise.

      Delete
    2. He's a doctor na, they must to marry him πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  5. All I read was a forkboy pounding away on two available holes under the "pastor's" nose.

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  6. Your pastor isn't reliable. How could he disclose what your friend told him in confidence?? Anyways, the guy is playing you both. Just dust your shoes and end the relationship.

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  7. "My pastor said, my pastor said", that is one thing I always hear from Pentecostal people. What does Jesus whom you all claim to follow say?
    Can you folks for once take decisions without involving your pastors?
    Some of you will not poop is your pastors did not tell you to poop?

    One man told me that his landlord took the names of all that applied to live in his house to his pastor to do the selection? Really?
    Jesus said in John chapter ten that "my sheep hear my voice and they follow me"; my sheep hear my voice, NOT my shepherd hear my voice.
    If you are his sheep (follower), what have you heard from his voice?

    I taya o.

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  8. Akwunakwuna given us headache when you already know what you doing

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  9. Your friend might have lied. She might have been dating herself, thinking or wishing they are dating.
    Remember, it's base on what she told the Pastor that he is advicing you.
    It could be true or false.
    I know someone who did same as your friend. In her case, she told everyone they were even engaged to be married, did stuff for him.
    Eventaully, we realised the guy never told her I like you or love you. He always referred to her as my aunty (though he is older). It caused a big rift and separation between her and her best friend who the guy was inlove with and wanted to marry. He was always sending this lady to convince her best friend to agree.
    One thing is certain. You ladies relationship will never be the same again. Wether you leave him or not.
    So, I will advice you give this guy a chance. You might be loosing a good man.
    Believe what he told you and leave it at that. He said he is changing and you are seeing it.
    Reciprocate the love, encourage the effort and make the relationship work.
    This might be his first love/marriage relationship as a church boy and he is trying to balance between sounding carnal or normal.
    Let the distrust go away and build the relationship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you. I think the poster should discard her trust issues and start afresh with the young man. He truly seems inexperienced. Some 'church' boys don't know how to draw the line in innocent relationships and end up giving the other person the wrong signal as it seems in the case of your friend. Love is patient. You seem in a haste to let him go. You might be letting go a good man. I think you should give it your best,if it's God's will it will workout fine. Otherwise,you would know you have done your best. As for your relationship with your friend,all friendships can't last forever by the way. Some fizzle out on their own. Don't beg for friendship or hold on too tight. Life happens. Good luck and God's grace

      Delete
    2. I also agree with you. The simple solution is to confront the guy. Tell him what the pastor and your friend said and hear what he has to say. Simple

      Delete
    3. Very true, ur analysis of the situation is on point, poster ur boyfriend might be so inexperienced and ur best friend might have been having an imaginary relationship with him as a result of their closeness, dont loose ur husband while waiting for another good boyfriend to come ur way. Forget about ur friend abeg,

      Delete
  10. Which kind friend you get self...
    Why is she not coming out plain. Make e nor be say dem still dey fuck for ur back ooo

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  11. What a chronicle, can't believe I read to the end... Poster the guy is playing candy crush with the two of you... Better leave him jor

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  12. As this story long like this, I am sure na akuko amu na otu. A laaa alakwaghi

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  13. Headache inducing indeed. Pls I can't see what this guy did, or am I the one that did not understand.

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    Replies
    1. Abi ooo
      D story sef dey gimme headache

      Delete
    2. You read well dear. The guy did not do anything. The girls are busy offering him what their mama gave them and fantasizing.

      Delete
  14. This your long winded story gave ne a headache. That is 10 minutes of my life I will never get back. Nne dump him and move on. He is a player and a user plus he is planning to relocate when he passes his exams and join his real wife in the abroad. NGO ko, NGO ni.

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  15. Doctor man is a player inexperience my foot. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€¦‍♀️ If he really wanted to clear the air he would have simply called your friend on phone, put it on speakerphone and you hear what she would say to that effect. It’s totally not worth the stress. Lastly I hope you regard your parents as much as you regard this pastor of yours.

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  16. Yada yada yada!!! Bla bla bla!!! My pastor, my pastor!! What are you on about? You wrote without making sense. How I wan take advice you now.

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  17. It's a very simple thing sit down with your friend physically not through a phone and explain everything to her, you need to hear her own side of the story and not all this third party stories then seek her blessing so as to be in peace,that una pastor e be like say im na guy man, that's why I like Catholic priests they believe in confidentiality

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  18. Enter your comment...between your friend and brofriend one person is lying, and I dont know who. how about you trust him enough and ask him to his face about things you are not convinced about. don't tell him "pastor said"anything. just ask him. Trust your instincts, God and do what makes you happy. pastor say pasta say... izzok

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  19. Why are ladies like this u know the truth n u are just dribbling yourself to know if you will be the one to open net for him to score...o chim

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  20. Couldn't read to the end. Boy wahala. Afi born and BREAD. Butter nko?

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  21. U have doubts already... If it doesn't feel right, then it's probably not right. Do whatever gives U peace of mind, always!

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  22. This your story get as easy bi. Anyway, your pastor disclosed too much about what your friend said. It was supposed to be a counselling which is confidential and not for him to reveal everything to you. He is very wrong. He will also disclose yours to you friend. He didn't handle that aspect very well.

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  23. Poster is an hypocrite. At the initial stage when the doctor asked you out why did u not ask your friend if they were dating before accepting the relationship?

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    Replies
    1. A million hugs to you my fellow anon. She put the cart before the horse and is now asking bvs jamb question. Just tell us if the guy has pounded your fufu or not. Shikena. I like your friend. She knows your brain will reset when you taste what she did in the player's hands. NGO for ila otu. I did not read about any meaningful thing the ngo does.

      Delete
  24. This your story get as easy bi. Anyway, your pastor disclosed too much about what your friend said. It was supposed to be a counselling which is confidential and not for him to reveal everything to you. He is very wrong. He will also disclose yours to you friend. He didn't handle that aspect very well.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I’m guessing Your boyfriend didn’t ask your best friend out officially but his actions made her assume they were an item and He probably led her on. She’s probably not telling you what transpired because she feels stupid and wants you to equally fall prey.
    Trust your instincts if you’re not comfortable being in a relationship with him then leave and avoid this yamma yamma he said she said. Udo ✌��

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amy l was scrolling down to go and type when l jammed ur comment. I don't think he dated your friend but in reality he must have paid her some attention that made her assume they were. If you aren't comfortable leave quietly as u want.

      Delete
    2. Exactly. That's why before accepting to date you have to ask a guy
      1. Are you in a relationship?
      2. Is there anyone who thinks she is in a relationship with you?
      These are two diff questions. Poster your friend loved him and he probably led her on or so. But smart girl has come to her senses and decided to just be friends. However, she still has feelings, so there is still an emotional relationship there.
      Besides, aren't you too young to have all these headache and confusion for man matters sef?

      Delete
  26. What a tale.like Stella said, headache inducing.by the time I got to the middle I had forgotten the beginning.

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  27. All these children sef...See pastors advice sef. So seeing spiritual father, and people, means main woman or man, abi? Can't u just leave without blocking him? Fact that u feeling like some "hard" girl annoys me sef...You know in your heart u will go back to him...

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  28. Headache inducing chronicle. Won't you dump this 'dokita' before he does. He's relocating soon to catch another'born again '. Please learn to summarize stories,giving mic to someone like you to give testimony in Church will be tough o

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  29. Gossip pastor and the 3 idiots,part 1 and 2...mtcheew

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  30. But why can't your friend be straight forward in answering the question. I think, she's in love with the guy, he led her on at some point and slept with her. Also, your questions to your boyfriend should be direct. Guy, you don fuck her before? Which one is have you ever told her you love her? Madam, na today? Mtchewww Doctors wey don spoil finish. The guy seems charming but,.. I don't know. You can date him, have fun, must you marry everyone you date. You sound young. Just keep him as a friend. He is far away, he is emotionally distant( after sleeping with plenty nurses and nursing students). Let him just hang in a corner. If he is so cute and you guys feel like doing the do. Please do, and allow your pastor to see road. All the best

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    Replies
    1. Make your points without disrespecting responsible nurses. Nurses do not sleep with doctors, except u mean auxiliaries, which are not qualified nurses.

      Delete
    2. Hian! I love our BVs. They never disappoint.

      Delete
  31. The guy is playing you. You're aware that he dated your friend that's why you backed out initially. You should have told her from the onset . However, before you go deeper by meeting his spiritual father and family, make sure he is truly meant for you otherwise you'll only add up to the no of girls he already introduced. How do you know he is yours? By prayerfully seeking the face of God. Its more than counseling dear . Go and do Isona to know the mind of God concerning him.

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  32. Spiritual people as in speaking in tongues or seeing visions and dreaming or what. Na una dey spoil people's faith with una spiritual nonsense.

    May God help you all and bring more sense to you and your friend

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  33. Poster on top one man you write all these novel? Na wa for you & your friend! Why are you both forcing relationship on a guy that is not interested in both of you? Why are you girls acting like he is the only man in this whole wide world? I can't believe this. I couldn't even finish this epistle you wrote. Please you & your friend should move on, that man isn't ready for any of you, he is only having fun & you both are seeing a future husband in a man that doesn't even see you guys,seriously you both are so insignificant in his life right now. bet you both gave him the cookie. It is well. You really don't want to be telling stories every day of your life sending different chronicles, better run now before you become a baby mama to a selfish man. Someone who thinks of himself alone.

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  34. Thank you Stella for typing exactly what I was going to tell her. That's one thing I hate abt all these people that see themselves as born again. This your story no just rhyme abeg! Introduce you to his spiritual head indeed.

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  35. Hey, Poster do you attend SOJi?

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  36. He and ur friend dated.move on

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  37. I think poster's friend is/was in love with the doctor. I think poster's friend liked him but he didn't see her in that light. The doctor too should know how to draw boundaries. Poster, if I were you, I would go see my friend and talk to her well. I think she is hurt and doesn't want to appear so. Also, talk to this doctor directly don't mince words, Confront him.

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    Replies
    1. Things will never be the same again with her friend

      Delete
  38. Yes it seems they dated but if you like hum, go for it. The end

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  39. I hope you aren't a good man bcos ur friend said, since you said his changing and even wants to take you to his parents, why not go and see his parents and take it up from there. Whether you leave him or not, ur relationship with the girl won't be same anymore, so why not be with someone you love and give him a chance to make this right.

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  40. You wrote too much without saying anything at all. I don’t see what exactly the young man did, I just see that both you and your friend are confused. And then you ended up confusing the readers

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  41. You and your friend are his ex. This your gist didn’t need counselling. Then your pastor 🀦🏾‍♀️.

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  42. If really you're a good and sincere church girl dt u call urself, d moment d guy asked u out, u should have simply asked ur friend if there's anything btw her and him. And that would have saved you, and even us from this torment of a chronicle.
    Pretender oshi!

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  43. Poster, I did not read all that you wrote, but I read most of it. Break free of that friendship, that girl is not a true friend because she would have told you right up front when you started speaking about the guy. Instead she allowed you to be used and be made a fool of, this is not someone who is a friend. Cut the guy off too, he knows that as a doctor to be he will be considered a good catch so he is playing the field. Start assessing why you attracted ppl like these in your life in the first place and make any personal changes to ensure you no longer attract ppl like these ever again.

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  44. Upon this whole marathon write up, one can nt make a single sense out of it...

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  45. Ndi born again. Liars and pretenders, I fear who no fear church people.

    Look at this one, saying you call yourselves to talk about God, as if you know him or fear him.

    The good thing is after you people are done deceiving yourselves, your yash will still open.

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  46. This chronicle took me 2 days to finish reading. Shior.

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  47. too long a story. why do you prefer headache and stress? do away with both of them and their NGO

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  48. It's disappointing to read bitter comments with unnecessary insults. I don't understand some BVs. If the story was too long, simply advice to summarize. For those who read and chose to not understand, why bother to comment? Poster I'll advice you to disregard such comments and not let it affect you. I have sent a chronicle here twice and that's when I understood that some people have major comprehension problems. From those who insulted me for no reason even when I was heartbroken and hurting to those who twisted my story and assumed all sorts of crazy things I never wrote nor alluded. I read all sorts but took the advice of genuine hearted BVs who commented and chided me in love. Don't be offended as people are different. I did not see anything stupid or wrong with your story. It was a bit long but I'm sure you wanted people to understand the context of your problem. Now as for this doctor guy, he's a manipulative player who knows exactly what he's doing. Even without the triangulation going on here, I see patterns of manipulative and narcissistic behavior. I think your friend likes him and he knows it or they might have had a physical relationship that later turned emotional on her side but he didn't want anything more than sex. Bottomline is both of them are not straightforward people and you've done the right thing by removing yourself from the equation and distancing yourself from them both. Never ignore your instincts when you feel something isn't right. I don't believe your pastor was lying about everything. Whenever you meet a guy pray that God will reveal his true heart so you don't get caught up in he said, she said.

    ReplyDelete

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