Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: New HR Policy For 2019 - Just For Laughs...

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Tuesday, February 19, 2019

New HR Policy For 2019 - Just For Laughs...

Get Ready to Laugh............................





Couldn't resist sharingπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


Dress Code:



1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.


2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.


3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.


4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Leave:



We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Casual leave:



Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.


Bathroom Breaks:


Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break:




* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.


* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.


* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Kind Regards

HR

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜…πŸ˜…

#copied

36 comments:

  1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not funny, and no I sell and drink honey.

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

      Delete
    3. Hahahahaha. Madam, take some more. Increase your daily intake.

      Delete
  2. I really laughed. so so funny. Any which way you present yourself no raise. lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kikikikiki
    Them no born them well
    That leave, I don't use it to joke at all

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  5. Crazy HR. πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahaha. People can be creative negatively sha

    ReplyDelete
  7. lol....................you go fear rules
    Bbjac

    ReplyDelete
  8. That Bathroom break got me...If you smile, you'll be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. Nawa oo!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. The bathroom break penalty photo got me rolling πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hahahahahahahaahaha... OMG! Such creativity.
    See me laughing like a jackass.

    ReplyDelete
  11. A friend actually worked in a "big" establishment. She had to start making her hair when the one on her is so old and smelly, she also avoided putting on "correct" clothes and carrying good bags. She got to know that doing such caused delay in salary payment and no increase in salary (not just her alone oh). She was told that "Ehn,someone making her hair fortnightly and putting on "correct" clothes no need collect salary on time na,as she dey show say she get money already,bla bla bla."
    When she was sharing her experience, we were dumbfounded.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You go fear rules and regulations na πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    ReplyDelete
  13. The company's HR is really moving wild...I laughed so hard mahn!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is the funniest post I've read today. My God, see me laughing like a hyena on heat.

    ReplyDelete
  15. End time HR
    😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

    ReplyDelete
  16. That toilet mug shot na die....hehehehehehehehe

    ReplyDelete
  17. Even though this is extreme some people are going through the milder version of this at their work places and this is why I did not laugh ooooooo like the dressing down and all even the sick and off days some people cannot get sick at work or take off days!!! Na war be dat ! Annoy-me

    ReplyDelete

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