Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative


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Monday, March 25, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Na wah.......


Hi Stella,

I am prompted to send this chronicle after read a blog's narrative on March, 6, 2019 titled WHEN THE COURTS FAIL YOU.

I am in almost a similar case. It a very long story but I will make it very short.

We have been married for 4 years and have two kids, 3 and 1 years old respectively.

We had a misunderstanding and he beat me (he has done that many times). He said none of his family member likes me so I should move out.

I moved out of his house (house he has been unable to pay the rent) with my kids to my sister’s place. He couldn’t put my first baby in school. I had to register her in school. I take care of my kids alone except when he feels like he sends 5k for upkeep for a month or two months, I don’t care because I manage to take care of myself and kids with my little earning plus my sister has been very supportive.

It’s been over 4 months that I have moved out though he’s begging me to return which I have refused, he’s very arrogant, pretends a lot and has short temper. I hate him so much now thinking about all that he did to me in the past and I know that I can never go back to him.

The problem now is that he keeps saying he would come for the kids when he’s ready and I can’t imagine living without my beautiful children.

For now, he’s not doing very well financially and I can’t imagine him giving my children to his family to train when he said they don’t like me (even if they had liked me), I mean if they don’t like me, is it my children they will like. My prayer always is for God not to allow another woman to train my children.

Please what do I do so that he doesn’t take away the children from me in future? Thank you. I will be in the comment.

*These kind of threats are so rampant!!!....If you have a spouse taking care of the kids when you have messed up,isnt it OK to support them?why use the kids as a revenge tool?Madam just make sure he does not know where their school is or where you live....send him to voicemail until his head resets......


  1. Some men are just not it at all.

    Madam, keep the receipts of all your expenses on your kids, especially their school fees, wears and start talking to a good lawyer if you can afford one. Take him to court first before he does if your lawyer advises you so. It is well.

    1. Best reply. Poster pls take this advice

    2. The receipts are not evidence of who pays the bills, they re just receipts without a name

    3. Anon 16:22, pls think before typing. Receipt is issued to the person paying the bill. She has the receipts because she paid. The shoes and wears coyld be in her name if she insists. So the receipts definitely will count.

    4. Poster please take this advice from a lawyer. Save all your receipts, hospital bills and documents to show that you have been assuming full responsibility of your children.
      If there are people who witnessed his abuse on you or if you have pictures to prove it, keep those as standby as well.
      If he makes threats, take it up with the child welfare service and have them document it as well.
      Do your findings and dig up evidence to show that he isn't capable of taking care of your kids.
      Finally if you want to be truly and finally free from him, go to court and get a divorce and file for full custody of your children.
      Do it now while he isn't financially stable your chances of having full custody of your kids are at their peak now.
      If you need more help and guidance please write back to Stella she'll place it here.

    5. Did you document the beatings? Make a police report? Get medical evidence?

    6. It might not be OK for you but now is the right time to start the divorce. Don't allow him to get financially stable or else he could win custody on the grounds that he has more money and can take better care of the kids. It is also important for you to do it while the kids are younger. Except you are mad, and even if you are mad, the court will give custody to your mum or sister that is able.

      Even if you don't have a good job, make sure you pay in atleast some money into your account as a third party and call it salary so it will be reflecting every month even if it means borrowing it, paying it into your account and removing it in 3 withdrawals . You have to act as soon as possible.
      God will never let you lack what you will use and take care of your kids.

  2. better still, record all conversations and save all messages with threats, for when it eventually ends up in court. Make sure to implicate him by talking about the number of times he has abused you and what his parents think of you.

    Report the matter to the appropriate Authorities, to keep record witnesses for future purposes.

    Then take your kids far away. I only hope you make enough to give them a comfortable life.

  3. This is simple na, pray for God to bless you, move to a state that none of your family members know for now. cut him off totally till the kids are of age. He is mad

  4. Ayam not understanding. Collect which children? Dem be change? Abegiiii! Talk another thing. Just dey keep receipts for one file first. Collect dem when he don hammer as the tax collector wey him be na. You people can "afraid" sha. Let him marry the one his family likes make she born the ones wey he go fit collect and distribute no be your own children. And kudos for walking away from this brute. He doesn't deserve you.

    1. Help me to ask. Where do these men get the nerves to make such threats? Is he feeding you? Is he responsible for the children's upkeep? If not then why bother? Somebody that cannot pay ordinary rent you are scared that he will take children away?
      Just empower yourself and look after your kids.

    2. are the children bearing the woman's name, are they not bearing the man's name?
      Divorce or separation is a dirty thing and that is
      why God says that he hates it.

    3. Lol,lies Pentecostal pastorprenuers tell

  5. Contact the Lagos state women welfare office at Alausa Ikeja for advice, assistance and support.

  6. Gather all d evidence of his incompetence, receipts, voice recording via phonecalls, unless he kidnaps them, else no judge will take dem from u n give to him.

  7. Poster,if its possible,I would advice u relocate to another state n make sure he does nt get ur contact.. That guy is up to no good...tho d kids are still too tender for him to carry.

  8. The plights every single woman go through for the sake of their children.
    My ex is equally not doing well too.I am not happy with that either bcos with that then he can't support the children with whatever he wanted to.

  9. Beyond words
    Why not have kids out of wedlock than get married aand start managing something I can't.

    I don't like marriage, I just need a job so that I can balance my life and bring my baby girl into this world. The worst part is that I'm born in a country where divorcee is preferred to a single woman.

    I will marry, I know I will divorce and set myself free from the bondage.

    For those celebrating celibacy, I just had sex to test it. I'm Miss Celibate. I like adventure, I love freedom and that's the only thing that can break/kill me. Once I'm not free

  10. Why are you afraid poster? A man that can't pay rent and isn't doing well financially is threatening you..... Yeye dey smell. Please focus your time and energy on making money, plenty money and taking care of yourself and kids. All you need do now is to pray to God for favour and work real hard so that you can sue his ass and get full custody of your kids. With enough cash, you'll hire a good lawyer who'll throw him to the garbage. Leave the efulefu of a man to keep dreaming of taking kids he cannot take care of.

    1. Entitlement Mentality

      Desperate belief that na me be man
      Na me get children

      Desperate People who feel they have nothing to lose, are not logical

      Be careful

      Relocate if led

  11. U are not supposed to be afraid dear get a good lawye, facts, receipts and what not to bck up ur plan and leave the rest to the judge and God and also take him to court first before he does.from the look of things u have a upper hand.

  12. Start keeping records of what is happening between you two very important to avoid stories..
    With records,you will win him hands down..

    I pray that God will always guide and provide for you and kids..
    It is well dear.

  13. go to welfare.they are very effective in lagos.

  14. Some men are scum!
    Madam from ur post all I can deduce is a lazy man who thinks highly of himself.
    I just thank God you 've received sense moved on.
    You see for those children he can't do jack! He is just bluffing!
    But to be on a safe side,why not relocate to another city? Where you can live in peace and tranquility.

    please do so.cheers

  15. What to do is to involve the two families and in their presence, state what he told you "his family does not like you move out"
    Or was the marriage contracted without the family ceremonies done, did he not pay your bride price?
    Now, you that are humble should prostrate and apologize if there is anything that you did to the family for them to forgive you. etc.
    That is where the "probable lies" will be laid bare.
    Next line of action is for your family to state the condition of your going back; as concerns "the beatings etc." If you try to work it alone,
    he will keep dribbling you.
    Now, watch him and plan for any eventuality.
    All the best.

  16. Quoting you: "he’s very arrogant, pretends a lot and has short temper. I hate him so much now. . .😯 "
    You did not do courtship, you did not see his pretense, short temper and arrogance?
    What really attracted you to marry this man, or is it that "he is not doing well financially", you want to
    make an exit?
    Be sincere in this circumstance and remember that the kids want to grow with their dad and they do not know
    the fire for fire you both are showing.

    Get someone he respects (even a mad man has one) to talk to him and see how you will work it out.

    1. 15:55 just shusshhh

    2. Some people have no one they listen to

      They are a law unto themselves

  17. Sweetheart, your story is significantly different from that of the previous post. You left with your kids, she didn't. I don't think it's fair to be precipitous by assuming the court will fail you. Your matter isn't before any court yet. Each case should be judged by the unique facts.

    Now sweetie, real talk, I don't mean to upset you but this is the fact of the matter in the eyes of the law. Though you've moved out, you are legally his wife and will remain so until either of you files for the dissolution of the marriage. You aren't even legally separated, you're separated because you moved out, it doesn't matter if he kicked you out, that's an informal separation with no statutory flavour. The separation which has statutory flavour is the separation granted by a court. As it stands, he has the right to be with his kids unless you can prove that he is a danger to the kids. He can't just take the kids away from you the same way you can't take the kids away from him, not legally anyway, unless it is authorised by a competent court.

    Darling, my advice to you is to seek legal advice from a lawyer with a firm grasp of family law and matrimonial causes. There are specific laws that apply, common sense may be misleading when it comes to law, so regardless of the advice you read here, please go and brief a lawyer. That's your best bet. I'll give you an example. In Nigeria, there's no such thing as spousal rape. If a husband forces himself on his wife, your common sense dictates that that is illegal, no? Guess what? Our Nigerian criminal law states that a husband is incapable of raping his wife even if she refuses to have sex with him and he has his way with her forcefully. The law does not regard that as domestic violence, go figure. So please be sure your actions are in line with the law, don't just assume because you feel your actions are justified. I hope it works out for you and your kids and I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out the way you anticipated.

    e-hugs and kisses.

    1. I love to read your comments. Where have you been? I admire your style of writing and vocabulary.
      And you're very informed when it comes to anything that has to do with laws as a good Lawyer.
      Chinwe Uba

    2. That was for Ronalda.

      Love your write up.

      Chinwe Uba

  18. If she did not have any children they will use it as excuse to maltreat her. Now what are their reasons

  19. I hate that country simply because n9 matter what, its the man that has the child.

  20. Poster if you have a steady source of income and he doesn't, now is the time to take him to court because the odds are in your favour being that; children of their age should be with their mother also that I know of, the court gives custody to the parent with a steady source of income.

  21. That's why I prefer to have dog or cat, nothing to share with a man!
    Or give up his kids for adoption in orphanage. In that way forever permanently mark him as an unworthy man!!! Undeserving to be a father.
    Even if / when he connects again with his child(ren) it's on record in this life that the contempt, hatred, fear, dislike & disrespect for him is deeper than hell fire.

    Madam, if u can take ur kids & run...far away from. Change their legal names at once now & start making it impossible for him to ever put his stronghold into your life or ur children's lives. He will just be nothing to you, other than a sperm donor or bastard breeder kind of man.

    1. Give up kids for adoption just to hate their father right? They will now love their mother with the love of Christ abi?
      I wonder wheremost of you come from .

  22. I think you noticed all his flaws when cash is no longer flowing because i don't know how you managed to marry an arrogant, short tempered man and had two kids for him.
    Madam there's no two story about it, take care of the kids, they belong to both of you. Even if he didn't take them away from you, the kids will look out for their dad done days.
    Don't feed those kids with negative story about their father, they will grow up to know the truth s9nefay, just know that.

    1. Not all children look for their fathers

    2. They just concluded that they dropped from the sky or their mother was impregnated by the Holy Ghost?

  23. The kids are too young to be taken away from there mother,their is this dispute court at barrack after ojuelegba take your case there it is free of charge they will server him court letter on your behalf

  24. Women please google Chikezie Eze if you are being beaten by your husband.
    Only God knows how that story will end, I pray it will be a happy ending for the wife’s family.
    Any form of domestic violence- GET OUT! And take your kids with you. Tell people, don’t cover it up. Anyone judging you is stupid, ignore them.

    Poster, try to take most of the advice on here about not going back, seeking legal advice and finding a way to stay far away.

  25. Please just follow that lawyer's advice.

  26. Madam, go to Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty alleviation, Alausa, Ikeja if you are based in Lagos. They handle issues like this very well. Yes, i am sure of what I am saying, my neighbor was in this kind of mess and the ministry settled it all and now she has her peace.

  27. This is very simple. Now that the kids are still young is the best time to file for a divorce. He 'll b made to pay for upkeep and school fees.dont mind the threats,keep them for record purpose and have pics of the abuse


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