OVER REACTION OR NOT?
After my nephew finished secondary school, he didn’t gain admission to the university immediately. To keep him busy, I encouraged his mum (my younger sister)to enroll him in tailoring, which she did.
While I didn’t contribute financially to his training, I supported him by sending a monthly stipend to encourage him.
Thankfully, he gained admission the following year and continued with his tailoring on weekends since the university is close to their home.
Thankfully, he gained admission the following year and continued with his tailoring on weekends since the university is close to their home.
As a student, I increased the stipend and made sure to stay in touch regularly.
In December, I needed to make clothes for our parents and decided to patronize him to test his skills. I sent him 10 materials. He charged the normal tailoring fee and I waybill the package to him since they live in a different city in the same state.
When he returned the clothes, only 8 were there. I called to ask, and he casually said his mum took one and he took one too. I was upset, but I let it go for the sake of peace.
I bought him a school bag and food stuff for his mum. Along with them, I sent an ankara for him to sew for me, and also asked him to help me buy material and sew another style. He told me the price and I sent 27k leaving a balance of 2k which I planned to send once the clothes were ready.
When he finished, I sent him money for the waybill and his transport to and from the park. I forgot the 2k balance. . He sent the cloths on Saturday. The next morning, I woke up to five missed calls and several WhatsApp messages reminding me of the 2k
I felt bad. how could he forget all my support and be so focused of his 2k balance . I sent him a message with a screenshot of a conversation I had earlier with another tailor who offered to do the same job at 2k cheaper plus no waybill or transport fees. I told my nephew I had chosen to patronize him out of encouragement, not necessity.
I sent the 2k and told him he had lost me as a customer. His mum later called, asking me to remember that he’s still young, and that I shouldn’t have said I wouldn’t patronize him again. I lashed out on her. Did I overeact? The nephew is 21 years.
No, you did not over react.. do not patronise him again cos there will be more problems..Maybe when he does not see customers he will understand...You can still be helping out with school but as for using him to sew?NO PLEASE!
Poster you over reacted.
ReplyDeleteConsidering her age you would have put her through or jokingly tell her to forget about it.
Huh?
DeleteIs 21 not an adult? How can he be that greedy and selfish. Poster don’t patronize him again I won’t even support his school stuffs again if na me
DeleteYou did not overreact, he is an ingrate. Let me not add his mom yet
Delete21 years not 12
DeleteAt 21, he's an adult..that boy is self centred ,stingy and spoilt..poster didn't overreact please!
Delete21 years is an adult. Poster, you didn't overreact at all.
DeleteWetin you type 15:11? How can you say the poster over reacted to a 21 year old, abeg abeg.
DeleteI understand very well poster. This person will never be grateful because of imbibed entitlement spirit. I had a friend exactly like this, who I did a lot for, and overtime who showed zero loyalty or appreciation for anything. When she became unnecessarily demanding, I had had enough and cut her off. Another characteristic she had was always being all up in my business, while keeping her own cards to her vest. Who get time abeg? As soon as I cut her off I had peace. This one is your relative. All I will say is thread very carefully.
DeleteI lost it when you said they took out two materials without your consent.
ReplyDeleteVery any how relatives. I wouldn’t even have sent the balance after they did that.
Don’t ever patronize him again. If not he wouldn’t respect you.
That was same place I lost it,I wouldn't have patronized him after that first incident, what nonsense
DeleteAs in, very yeye attitude from mother and son.
DeleteShe acted well as a mother should by patronizing even after the greeed of his mother and himself. Poster you have just seen another version of your sister who should have pleaded with you and correct her son for his wrong doing that is if she didn't encourage it in the first place. You haven't overeacted at all.
DeleteYou did nothing wrong. There's this dislike I have for comments like ''oh he's just 20 and bla bla'' abeggi, no excuse for mumu behaviour.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Stella on this.
I tire my sister. 21 a full grown man!
Delete"He is still young" is what parent used in spoiling their children until they go out of control.
ReplyDeleteTaking the cloths without telling you about it is wrong.
The decision to stop patronizing them is yours if you feel comfortable doing so.
Please don't be offended poster. He's still a child,that's growing. Use this his actions to teach his a life lesson in kindness. Please don't stop patronising him. God bless you. You're so kind. 🙏🏿
ReplyDeletePoster, listen to this advice and watch him do worse
Delete21 years old man is not a child 😐
DeletePoster, please do not listen to this, na beg I beg you. You give person cloth, dem comot two. You come forget 2k, dem no gree you rest. Even God forgives a sinner but you go still serve your punishment.
DeleteBloggy, he will do worse.
DeleteNo. This is wrong advice. He needs to learn consequences and accountability
DeleteThe part you said they took out of the material was where I lost it. Why are some people like this for God sake!
ReplyDeleteYou did not over react anything. Small pikin but he knows how to demand for 2k, for someone that has been good to you, Free him.
All of you are births of the same feather.
ReplyDeleteYou should have been the bigger person by sending his balance after he asked without making a fuss about it. So y'all are the same.
You are just creating unnecessary enemy and giving your head headache for nothing.
You should have simply said, oh sorry I forgot, I'll send it.
He did not have to remind her considering all that she has been doing for him. She sends him monthly stipends, it is not his right. She does it out of love,so?
DeleteWhat's 2k compared to what she sends him monthly?
Make person die cos she wants to act all bigger? Did she not already show that when they picked two of her fabrics without her consent?
When people mess up, let them know so the can adjust and learn to do better.
Make I no talk sha
DeleteYou're just as mm as they come. Did you see where the poster said that they took two of her fabrics.
DeleteOMG
DeleteThen they should return the fabric they stole!!
DeleteI am sure the fabric he took is more than 2k not forgetting his mother took another, àwọn aláìmọ́ ọrẹ.
DeleteShishi this person no go see for my hand again if na me..radarada oshi
ReplyDeleteYou didn't react enough poster. That boy is not a considerate human being and yes, do not patronize him anymore.
ReplyDeleteMy little sis was barely 6 when she started giving her things out to cousins/friends. Forget his age, he is not a good person. Na from little things we dey know who good and who bad.
What right did he even have to take from the fabric you sent him to make for your parents?
A considerate/appreciative person who has enjoyed your benevolence towards him would charge you for half those 10 fabrics, or are they not also his grandparents?
The nerve to be calling you to demand for 2k balance really upset me.
Poster, do not feel guilty, you had every right to say and react the way you did.
So the mother can call
ReplyDeleteWhen she took the fabrics why didn’t she call you to let you know ,you had to find out when the waybill had reached you
Please jejely end it here or send 1 fabric let them sew and return then you close this chapter. You sending the last one so it won’t be pegged at you didn’t forgive
Personally I wouldn’t confront them or let them know I saw or noticed anything,I would lock up
Our words are always held against us,see how the mama hold that one sentence for hand sotey she call you
Limit words with people
Weigh your options and choose what’s best for you going forward but bear in mind that your sister will always side her son
This right here. Patronise him one more time so that they'll know you hold no grudges. After that please face another tailor.
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteI am really taken aback by the level of entitlement from your relatives........And please, don’t downplay what you have done for your nephew......Your kindness and effort in helping him grow into a better man are honestly inspiring......
From your story, it is clear they didn’t treat you right.......And for his mum to take sides with her son’s bad behavior? That’s even more disappointing....... That said, I always tell people; when you help others, do it from a place of genuine help and try not to expect too much in return......People will disappoint you, so it’s better to keep your expectations low and just do what feels right to you.......
Now, not excusing his behavior at all, but expecting so much from a 21-year-old might be a bit much.......They are still figuring themselves out and sometimes act without thinking(barely out of their teenage years).....
Telling him you weren’t going to patronize him anymore was a little harsh......Since you genuinely forgot to pay the 2k, you could have just quietly sent it and moved on.......If he asked about future work, a simple “Oh, I don’t have anything to sew right now, I will let you know if I do” would have been enough......
The main thing is to always keep your self-respect......Don’t let anyone drag you down to their level....Help him when you feel like it but not out of guilt or pressure......
All the best......
Phoenix, 21 years old not 12 years old pls. That’s a full grown adult!
DeleteI support this.
DeletePS: Stella, it's high time you added like buttons o.
The mother and son have the same bad attitude 😒
Delete21 is an adult abeg..
DeleteIt’s okay. He will learn
ReplyDeleteYour reaction was purely justified. I think you handled it in quite a level headed way. You have done enough to encourage her. But it is time to put her to pasture. Don't give her business again.
ReplyDeleteSentiments shouldn't be attached to business. You never know when you will need to panel beat someone and I think missing clothes calls for a good panel beating as any. But since they are family, you have no choice but to overlook.
Oga dog, nephew means the male child of ur sibling. Niece means the female child of ur sibling.
Deleteplease dont patronize him anymore. He is too money conscious. avoid Issues like this involving money that could lead to friction in the family. Why should they pick out of fhs clothes you gave him to sew, that non..snse!.please get another tailor.
ReplyDeletePoster, you didn’t overreact. Someone in the university isn’t a child and should know his left from his right! Personally, I would never even charge you workmanship fee, I will only charge for the materials that would be needed. I’m not saying him charging you for the sewing is wrong but I wouldn’t but for him to even leave you with several missed calls because of 2k balance!!!! Haba!!! I will weep sef.
ReplyDeleteAnd his mum is definitely his enabler. My mum would have called weeping and apologizing on his behalf after she must have given him the greatest tongue lashing of his life.
I hope he realizes how wrong he was and comes back to apologise because I won’t judge you if you don’t ever patronize him again.
Very stingy boy..poster don't patronise him again, you should have stopped when they took the materials without permission..what kind of stinky attitude is that??
DeleteHe won’t apologize. He’s acting based on gist he hears from his mum. The mum probably talks about you like a mugu that should be chopped. Especially as you’ve been helping without being prompted; for some people, they see it as a sign of weakness. That’s why he has been bold to do what he did. - his mum enables him and they have probably talked about you that you’re wicked and not even doing half of what you should be doing for them. Trust me , that’s how their brains work
DeleteYou didn’t overreact at all.
ReplyDeleteFirst, they took out two fabrics from the fabrics you sent to him to sew and not just because of 2k he decided to be mad and forgot all the love shown before? Omo, that guy is something else.
Don’t patronize him again and leave him the hell alone. Whenever you can, please support his school but know that, your nephew is not someone that is grateful or returns kindness back.
If no be because of oil chop yam, you go because of yam chop oil, that’s a proverb that fits perfectly.
He should have at least sown a set of clothes for you free of charge....to say thank you 🙏
ReplyDeleteMany youths these days don't know giving begets more gifts. As you appreciate, the person is happy to help out more. His mum whi is supposed to apologize well is saying something else 🙄
No vex Poster, God bless your kind heart 👏
Young my foot!
ReplyDeleteHer mother is an enabler and he is not sensible.
You didn't over react and don't patronize him considering the excess expenses incurred through logistics.
Help him from far .
Anyhow relatives. Users ungrateful, and entitled. Stop using him to make clothes.
ReplyDeleteYou're such a kind person and I pray that God will bless you for your kindness and support. It's not really easy dealing with families honestly.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, you didn't over react but I have to be honest with you.
If you feel you still want to keep patronizing him, bear in mind that he would still annoy you in the future. He does that cos you're family and some of them don't know where to draw the line.
If you stop patronizing him tomorrow cos of his careless behavior towards you, he'll still succeed and he might not even regard you or remember your efforts towards success. But he might just remember when you said you won't patronizing him forgetting what he did to prompt that.
That's just the reality.
Keep being a good person in whatever choice you make.
You over reacted ,don't stop patronizing him and also helping him with allowance he is just a young man and most of their thinking is entitlement.It is only God that has the key to tomorrow.With or without you he will still finish and still get customer so no need to vex ,do your own for God
ReplyDelete21 years is young. Very young to discern what is right and wrong
ReplyDeleteBut at 22, some people are/were already sitting in meeting of the Naija branches of multinationals giving professional advice.
Poster, you bought a whole 10 bundles of fabrics for your Mother. None for her sister. Na only una dey?
Typical Naija mindset of we must all be up or down together.
On top of the monthly stipends, you patronize and pay full price? You did not haggle? Or reminded him how good you have been good to him and asked for FOC?
You get money na, What is the use of a Naija's broda or family member's money if we his Naija family members no epp am finish am.
You have been told the truth.
You overreacted.
But it is easier to judge with hindsight and when we are not wearing your shoes.
Do not beat yourself up as you acted fully human.
Next time, with another family member, you now know how to handle it.
After I lectured a cousin who flashes me to seek loans after several helps, I gave up and do what I can when i pick his call.
As told, he would forever hold it against you if he makes it big.
Even if he remains small because of his small mindedness, he will still hold it against you.
Hence it is said to close doors gently.
Continue to help as your conscience permit.
See that both male and female can be both same type of persons?
See now also that Naija's problem is her majorly selfish people? Not government?
I see what you did there. Hehehe. Poster, hope you have heard; they don gossip you finish say you dey stingy sef
DeleteYou did not over react. Avoid people that only remember the things they did for but forget the ones you did for them. I hope he learns his lessons early in life.
ReplyDeleteOh no you didn't over react at all. Both mother and son are entitled, selfish and greedy. And it's because of things like these that makes some people not patronise friends/families. And to those that thinks he's still young, no, a 21yr old is a full grown adult, and what he's displaying now is who he is. He's not just a kind or appreciative person, same with his mum. It's up to you if you can forgive and continue to patronise him though.
ReplyDeleteI honestly cannot deal with someone who has a selective memory. The only difference in how you handled it would be that I wouldn’t have said anything to him, just never do business again with him.
ReplyDeletePoster you encouraged this rubbish the second time by sending another material to make for you with all rhr stress of sending him waybill money when you could have done the job in your current location.
ReplyDeleteYou should have just sent him the 2k and just kept mute while you face front and wait for him to call you someday and ask you why you haven't patronised him before you can tell him all he did. There was no need of telling him he lost you as a customer or talk to his mum. You know how family behave, they will. Carry this matter on their head without addressing the wrong he did. Did you think his mum was going to take side with you and fault hwr dear son 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 you are very funny.
Just keep helping as you have been doing g and please never give him any job again or refer him to so.eone you know. He has no right with his mum to take your materials without asking you first.
You didn’t overact
ReplyDeleteBut your sisters response is also to be expected
Of course she’ll beg you to forgive him and if she was mad at hi for it you’d beg her to let it go too
Don’t sew with him for a bit. Let his head reset small. Also let him know that was terrible behaviour
But don’t take it too far. Remember you love him
I honestly don’t know whether to laugh, sigh, or just applaud the irony here. On one hand, you have a mother proudly raising entitlement like it’s a family gift. On the other hand, a grown boy in a man’s shoes, still fumbling with the laces of basic decency. And then there’s you - composed on the surface, but understandably leaking frustration like a teapot left on too long.
ReplyDeletePoster, you didn’t overreact - you just hit the wall where goodwill meets entitlement, as any sane person eventually does. Perhaps, you would have acted more discreetly. One thing I’ve learned about family dynamics and its false comfort of familiarity: silence, in the moment, is golden - but how you carry yourself afterwards, that's platinum. Words said in anger have a nasty habit of living longer than the moment, and often end up framed as your portrait in their gallery of future grudges.
Please nobody should excuse bad behaviour for youthful ignorance, it’s poor character dressed in the familiar robes of “this is business.” This wasn’t even about the 2k; it was the audacity served piping hot with a side of disregard. He and his mum dipped into your fabrics like family tax, then turned around to treat a minor oversight like a business debt collection. Frankly, you're allowed to be angry. In fact, I’d be worried if you weren’t.
Still, be wise: so that you don’t slam this door so hard that its echo becomes the family soundtrack for years. Let him learn - quietly, from a distance. You’ve given enough. Let your boundaries now do the talking your kindness couldn't translate. Family or not, when people treat your effort like air, it’s okay to exhale and leave the room. Don’t let bad family energy rust a heart that was only trying to be kind, true to blood.
The mum is there defending rubbish behavior. The boy needed to be out in his place
ReplyDeleteIngratitude stinks! Not saying you should bend the knee and postrate everytime someone helps you, But know the value of showing gratitude, no matter how small! Poster just like Stella, said do not patronise him again, give me his stipend like you do, but do not do business with him..he has become some what entitled, let him learn and grow, he is 21, an adult.
ReplyDeleteNa from small e dey start. A sensible child would have just charged for the materials and tell you not to bother with workmanship. If I were you, that's the end of whatever help I was offering till he gets sense
ReplyDeleteYou de write chronicle for your nephew. Your own flesh and blood.
ReplyDeleteYou should call him and tell him what you told us.
You ll stop patronising him because of 1 mistake. So who ll patronise. Pick up your phone and scold him then continue as usual.
Family anger no de reach bone,jor
Scold him for what? So they can call her a witch and an enemy of progress? This is how people lack accountability. He needs to understand the consequences of his actions. Under what planet is it right to help yourself to cloths without asking?
Delete