STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LOST TRUST
Stella ohhhhh, how does one ever trust a spouse again?
Especially if that spouse kept lying that he wasn't cheating and though you had concrete evidence you held back and watched him lie? And when you finally show him the evidence he is dumbstruck and only then did he say he say sorry(after keeping malice with you oh)! How do I know he isn't still cheating knowing he didn't honestly tell me in the first place. And I trusted this man totally and never doubted anything he told me.
How do I know he has changed or is it that he has just become more skillful in hiding his tracks. I didn't call the girl oh, and will never but the things he said about me to her are so disrespecting and saddening. I now don't trust him again. I want to hurt him like he hurt me, I'm just not the cheating type, so I need other means to hurt him.
I have learnt to ignore him, not tell him my secrets anymore and basically not share anything with him, but then what do I call this kind of marriage? I have thrown myself completely into my kids and career but I still hurt after many months. He knows I no longer care about him and yet he hasn't brought up the issue again, doesn't try to reassure me in anyway.
Should I believe the things I heard him tell her? How he loves her and how he wishes he was a muslim to take her as second wife! How do I move on, I am still hurting soooo much! Help me! Is it even possible to ever trust him again because I feel everything is now a lie.
I need help....
I need help....
Ah,I dont even know what to say oh....
Men are naturally hunters, most of them will say and do anything to get the cookies and attention
ReplyDeleteforgive him all you want, but always sleep with one eye open, no marriage is assured eternity. No matter how much you put in, if your partner isn't ready to meet you half way, you will just be wasting your time.So if cheating is a deal breaker for you, kindly save and keep everything to your self cuz he doesn't seem to have changed. Bury your love in your kids so when you can't take it anymore, you bounce.
DeletePush up, shift for me jo.
DeletePoster, women have this very strong intuition, its mostly pointing North like an accurate compass, its more trusted than a mans undeniable logic since 1900. Your marriage has been broken from the inside, even if the cracks are yet to show, it takes forever to build trust... some are no longer worth building, it'd be serious heavy lifting to do alone, if hes not willing to start, dont even lift a handkerchief.
When lost, use your GPS (Gods problem solver) which is the bible to find yourself again.
One thing I know is that women always see the signs but there’s this bulb in their head that normally switch off when they are dating. Someone will tell you their ex is a monster blah blah and you too will join in bashing the ex to convince yourself you are good. Even the person whose mom is flying in the afternoon gan gan won’t come and tell you his mom is a flying witch.
DeleteThis woman brought it upon herself abeg. Little little signs are always there but people just choose to ignore and then will be crying when it happens.
Push Up, you are FAB MUM. Don't even try to deny. You and your fabu are back with another blog name as people son know your nyash finish, ko?
DeleteYBNL, if every girl see signs and run away, who go marry?
DeletePerson no de change again?
Men cheat when they have a stash of cash lying around and they'very got nothing to do with it.
DeleteI was on this table when I was miss independent
My solution to this wahala? I stashed away my entire salary with a coperative and depended wholey on him for EVERYTHING
Hair ....makeup...every single thing...na so expect begin readjust
The signs don’t always show when dating. And it’s not only when there’s cash around that they cheat. My husbands cheating intensified when he went broke!!
DeleteSorry but this has got nothing to do with getting the cookie cause he already has that.
DeleteFrom his attitude, first of all, he's only sorry he got caught. Secondly, he's in love with that girl and that's where the major problem is. Most likely, the things he tells her are his true feelings
Please madam, focus on your children and your career, develop yourself, build a very strong shock absorber in fact, balloon the type that modern Mercedes Benz come with. Because anything can happen...
I never reply any anon, and this will be the first and last anon I will reply... I was already a commenting bv in the time of fab mum, but since you guys will always believe whatever you want to, I live you with your thoughts honey.
DeleteI don't have to lie about anything in this life cuz you don't know me personally,(no one does) cuz at the end of the day, I am who I am, Push up.
Na wa oh my sister. Always remember that only Christ Jesus can be trusted. Only him can't disappoint. Take it easy and don't be too sad dear. It is well
ReplyDeletethe same reason I left my ex, he would be telling other girls nice things while he tells me he shows love rather than saying, which is actually true, but why can't I get d love you tell these girls ones in a while, the day I decided to walk sway was d day I read a chat of him telling a girl he's not happy bcs she's not with him, I was right there with him and was begging him cos I felt he was unhappy about something. today I'm with a man who tells me he loves me multiple times in a day and shows it more, no ex to worry about, he's not as rich as my ex but I won't trade him for anything. Madam if you can forgive pls do, cheating is a deal breaker for me.
DeletePoster your husband is deceiving that girl, even if he were to be a muslim, he still won't marry her. Silly men everywhere, they won't cheat in peace they'll still dragging their innocent wife into their rubbish. That's why these side chicks don't have fear anymore. How can they be afraid when the husband has butchered his wife before them. Dear single ladies stop falling for the lies married men tell you about divorcing their wives. They just want to fvck you. At the end of the day they'll never leave their wives. Use your brains, go and look for a single guy and date. I repeat any man that constantly badmouths his wife or serious girlfriend is just using your brain, they want you to pity them and spread your legs. After wasting your time, they'll go back to their wives.
DeleteAs a man I admit this is too accurate. We just wan chop ponmo abeg
DeleteWhen they advice you before marriage,you said you are in love,now that you have seen the reality,you are writting for advice.Is this not Medicine after death.Deal with it yourself.no comment
ReplyDeleteToo many questions, jeez!
ReplyDelete....and you didnt answer one.
DeleteHe is not reassuring you because he knows that the worse you’d do is focus on the kids and your career. You’d still take care of the kids, take care of the home which includes getting his food, bath water and cloths cleaned.
ReplyDeleteYou are the one carrying the hurt around and it doesn’t stop him from cheating. Like you said he is just covering his tracks, let’s be honest a lot of men don’t marry because of love. They marry the woman that they know “is available” when they are ready and the one who is gentle that can’t do jack when they mess up. If you husband willingly said nasty things about you to another woman when you didn’t do anything to warrant it then he REALLY meant it. Also whether he said bad and awful things about you shouldn’t be the only thing to hold to, cheating is disrespectful even when he paints his partner as an angel. What exactly do you people learn from counseling and church vows? This marriage is loveless and both of you are just playing along.
simple as abc
DeleteWhich kind talk be this?
DeleteSeems u just like to comment. Youre mostimes off when giving advice, its so clear that ure single.
Too wise
DeleteMy dear men say mean and nasty things to other women about their wives as a way of getting those women in bed. It’s that simple. A man can deny his mother just for sex.
DeleteAnon 15:32 from your comment it is clear you’re a bitter and hopeless human being who has gone mad from syphillis. Failed bully.
DeleteDoppelgänger please keep up with your comments. I look forward to them. You, Ronalda and a lot of other bvs always put up interesting and insightful comments no matter the angle you look at them.
DeleteForget Ronalda, doppel is the real deal. Cheating is very disrespectful
DeleteWhich one is forget Ronalda? That's how some of you will be commenting without applying sense. Mtshew. She picked Ronalda and others like who are you to tell her who to forget. Pick your own swerve to one side with your subtle shade
DeleteBest comment here
DeleteA lot of us are on this table. Especially those that married for love. As they say, pray for the best and prepare for the worst. Let no single person be more responsible for your happiness than urself.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, there is every possibility that your husband is no longer in love with you and just apologized then to make peace reign.
ReplyDeleteIf he was indeed sorry, he would have made a conscious effort to make it right with you.
And he is most likely still cheating on you.
It's now left for you to decide on how to chart your next course in this so called marriage, whatever your decisions are, I wish you all the best.
Of course he isn't in love with her, or why else would he cheat to begin with?. Before a randy promiscuous and adulterous man comes beneath my comment and type"A man can love you and still cheat on you" please know that's not true.
DeleteWhen you truly love someone, your happiness, wants, your own desires including the desires of your "flesh" takes the backseat. You only care about the happiness of the other person even if it trumps your own.
If they are happy, you are happy, if they are sad, you are sad. You can't claim to love someone and still satisfy your personal selfish desires on the side. It's not possible.
Except you love them but still love yourself "more"than you love them....and that's not love. In love you never come first.
Madam your husband doesn't love you and that's the bitter truth.
Dainty a man will love you, worship the ground you walk on, shower you with attention and gifts and still cheat on you. That's how men are wired. Like my landlady will say "My dear them no dey carry man for head because anywhere him see woman him go look, before you know am your neck go break" In simple English Love yourself first.
DeleteThat is not how men are wired, they are not animals. Stop excusing bad behaviour biko.
DeleteAnon 16.02 is right.Because at the end of it all he never really loved her as much as he loves himself.
DeleteI pray you women know and experience what true love really means.
They are two kinds of love
The selfish kind and the selfless kind. Most men have the first kind for their wives and that's the one you all experience and call it love. While women have the second. Una go dey alright las las
Men cheat because they can, they tell ladies all sorts of shits about their women because these young dumbs will open legs faster due to pity... My colleague who is a divorcee accepted his a cheat and claims he does that because the ladies are on his payroll and he used them fulfill his fantasy but no matter how he tries he cannot substitute his duties to his wife for this ladies, but he must say what must be said.
DeleteI wish i had the right answer for u. Trust is so delicate. Ur husband even after breaking it has made no true remorse.He should be giving u reassurances, but from what u wrote he has done non of that. I can't tell u to start believing him again because people like the man u wrote about barely change. If they are ever sorry its because they were caught. So thread carefully with ur heart. Find joy in other things. Am glad u have a careeer meaning ur financial aspect might not be 100% on him. Just prepare urself. I repeat people like that barely change so prepare urself.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to pray too. God indeed takes away our hurt. U will be fine dear.
If you can't trust him anymore, why are you still with him?
ReplyDeleteI can tell you from personal experience, you 'll never get over it.
Once the trust is broken, you will question everything. The thoughts will pop up at the most random moments.
You will think you are good for a while then bam, you start thinking about this shit like it happened yesterday. Keep it real, sis.
It will drive you nuts.
DeleteThe things I read here scares me.its better to remain single.
Perxian,why is she still with him?seriously?you think say marriage na boyfriend n girlfriend relationship abi??issorite
DeleteMay he not bring hiv home. We buried an innocent woman like this whose husband gave the virus deliberately. He passed on without letting her know.
ReplyDeleteNice advice! I wonder why people care more about the cheating than the Hiv. Lots of women have gotten the virus from their husbands but there still complaining about cheating.
DeleteI can feel your hurt and brokenness.
ReplyDeleteSomething has died inside of you.
What's worse is he is not going the extra mile to mend it, he doesn't sound remorseful.
Counselling would have been a step but is it really worth it? Is he willing to fight for your marriage?
Remember contentment, fulfillnent and peace is in jesus. Not in our career,spouse or children all may forsake you but jesus never will!
Focus energy into church activities,friends and family let go of anger bitterness and strife let the joy of the lord exude through you till he thinks you're cheating.
Lots of love.
The worst part is that he's not trying to mend their relationship.. It's quite sad poster, but he's not really sorry.
DeleteMadam ndo oo, you need to heal. You need to be healthy for your kids.
ReplyDeleteBut if you no dey share anything (including legitimate pounding? đŻ) with oga again
How he go dey cope na, no be to dey pound illegitimately enter any Naija girl them agada eh?
If im no wan talk that one, talk. As it is, you are the one "hurting after two months"
You need to heal madam, truly you need to heal.
Chineke repair this marriage please đđđđ
You need him to keep reassuring you that he's not cheating ?you clearly dont rate yourself Keep giving yourself headache. They dont change they find better ways to hide their Bs
ReplyDeleteReally can’t imagine what you’re going through so sad! Why is it so hard for Nigerian women to walk out on a marriage where they’re being disrespected? Or is this my temper talking? Sigh
ReplyDeleteIts not a nigerian thing, walking out of marriage isnt beans, its worse when u have kids
DeleteThey prefer to die in their marriages than to lose the “mrs” title.
DeleteWalking out isnt beans for the man or the woman? Because if it was the man he would have walked out since.
DeleteLol said who walking out of marriage is a stroll and and heels away ! especially in situations like this . It’s like most of you don’t cherish peace of mind! Also why oh why do women trust men “with their whole heart” puzzles me! One cannot even trust themselves whole heartedly in certain situation, sand goes with your offsprings so why trust your bed mate with so much.
DeleteYou need to find peace, see if you can live with the situation “in hope” that he’ll change. If not take as much as you can from him invest , Save and leaaaaaveeee!
Just look at this woman. I am also married to a cheat. My husband doesn't stay home because of his work. He comes home once a month. Of course he is sleeping around and we both know. I've seen several nude pictures and chats but I can't kill myself. He takes care of myself and the kids very well, my personal upkeep allowance is somebody's salary for 6 months.
ReplyDeleteI stopped bothering myself a long time ago. I used to have a sugar boy and girl that used to satisfy me sexually until last year. I found out that they were both sneaking behind me to have sex(we used to have threesome sex). I wasn't angry but until I told my friend and she hinted that they might connive to dupe me. I felt betrayed so I let them go. Right now, it's just me and porn and my dildo.
DeleteHello dear,
The demons that you and your husband have invited into your home hmm i just pity your innocent children.
Many people don't understand the spiritual implications of somethings they get into, life is more spiritual than physical if only our eyes could be opened to the spirit realm.
Madam i advice you to desist from all forms of sexual immorality ie, porn, masturbation,threesome etc asl the holy spirit to help you and start praying for ypur home and your childrens future!
Choi.
DeleteYou married the right man.
Don't get carried away by the wealth. Your health is important. Please go for test. If you have life you can make more than your hubby gives you in the future or even be wealthier than he is. He is cheating with a lot of ladies and you are not scared for your health?
DeleteYou and your husband were perfectly made for each other.
DeleteThis one is saying she's a married woman too. Your kids are watching you, don't worry. You think nobody see you right?
DeleteThe fact that you have decided to lock your soul up doesn't mean this poster should.
DeleteAt the end of the day, you and poster are in the same UNHAPPY place.
Poster you had a boyfriend and a girlfriend...Now that is some interesting shit for a married woman, I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU...as in you were just loving your life as it should be,which is doing what makes you happy.you are very interesting somebodyđđđđđ
DeleteLEPđ
Lep
DeleteUntil the shit hits the fan
The two of you need to have a heart-to-heart conversation. Ask yourselves whether you are still interested in the marriage and ready to make it work. This can guide you through whatever decision you want to make.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you both see a counselor.
Madam hurt feelings, listen to me and listen well. You should be thanking God he was exposed early. My mum's friend trusted her husband for over 40years and would have even died for him. When he died she discovered he had numerous children outside and left no money in his will for her or her children. He had been spending large on side chics and mistresses and even on step children that were not even his won blood. Sending them abroad to study while her own children were doing suffer head in naija. She nearly went mad. This was in the days when people married for love and built with their husbands. After witnessing all this her daughter decided to be smart. Firstly she married well. Secondly she started saving seriously and had a plan b to z for her life. Wake up madam and start saving seriously. Start taxing your husband. Any little thing even your sanitary pad let him pay for. Chnage your children to more expensive schools and insist he sets up trusts funds for them. Secure their future o. Sebi he has enough money to marry second wife ba? Forgive him for your own peace of mind but forget any love you may have had for him. Be respectful and dutiful but guard your heart and your life very well.
ReplyDeleteHow about the sex part? Should she continue to have sex with him? Protection or not?
DeleteShe should of course protect herself and insist on protection. That goes without saying. This is one of the consequences of cheating that men have to realise.
DeleteMadam, stop deceiving yourself. If you can't take the heat you get out of the kitchen or you buy a fan.stop complaining if you can't leave the marriage.
ReplyDeleteMadam Poster, let your man be please. What I nitnoti these days is that men will tell a woman they have not slept with anything to get in btwn thier legs and that does not make them love the wife less or the other more. It is just that kokoro inside thier eyes that won't make them have sense. Except when the woman is now a bad person to the core o, if not they cherish their homes just more than anything. Forgive him but do not divulge your secret 100% to anybody except your mom.... May God keep your home
ReplyDeleteThis days I get freaked out when people talk about their marriage.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing has become a joke and it scares me so much.Lord help me
Madam. I am a man and I can tell you that he doesn't mean anything he told the girl. How, because I m a man and have used those lines before. Secondly, that he lied to you was out of fear of hurting you o...walahi... But I know I ll be abused but that s just the honest truth. Forgive him if you can. To whether he s smarter now. Yes I think he is, and more careful too...
ReplyDeletecontinue...u say tins u don't mean nd it hurts other pple..pple u claim to love. SMH
DeleteYour wife will return the favours and then you'll understand how it feels smartass.
DeleteI'm teeling you @ Bini. They forget that the words the use hurts the woman when she finds out, whether they mean it or not. If a woman does that, oga can u easily forgive her? Values are so lost in this world. Olorun ku suru!
DeleteHe means it. Men don’t go as far as marriage talk when they are already gbenshing the girl. Trust me he is already gbenshing her. I have a married man who wants to have kids with me. He is dead serious and always fighting me when we use condom. He even helps me calculate my fertile period. You never jam men wey be men. They know exactly what they want and their mind is so deep. If that girl allows him he will marry her in secret. Many Nigerian men have other wives and families their own wives don’t know about!
DeleteA MARRIED man is helping you to calculate your fertile period. Are you not a WICKED person? Second fiddle.
DeleteAre you proud of playing second fiddle?. Eating left overs?. Are you not ashamed of yourself?. Madam side chicken!.Home breaker!. See your mouth love like " he even helps you calculate your fertile days. Are you that ugly that you can't find your own man?. Shameless thing.
DeleteI he told he wishes they coulf marry and tats wat you’re bugged about, I say forget that one. The married guy that tried to sleep with me said all that and more . Promised marriage and belle because he believed I want a baby
ReplyDeleteTake s break somehow. I don’t believe cheating should always lead to divorce but you should be careful you’re not staying with s serial cheat or that you at least have the heart to take it .if you can afford it , take a break and travel for a bit
You don't believe cheating should lead to divorce? Please are you a man or a womanđ
DeleteI’m a woman my dear. Many cheating men do change and some are great fathers. Sometimes women choose to stay cause cheating is not that serious to them
DeleteYes, not everyone believes cheating should always lead to divorce. Some people cheat and a truly repent. Divorce isn't a one-size-fits-all, it doesn't solve all the problems of having a cheating partner.
DeleteAs much as cheating is a deal breaker for me in a relationship, I know that in marriage I will think twice before considering divorce. I however cannot stay peacefully with a serial cheat of a husband. Or if I can bear it, I might stay and become a stone hearted woman.
Like I said, there's many ways to deal with a cheating partner, divorce isn't the only solution
And do men reason like you guys when it comes to cheating?. I hope this reasoning isn't gender based.
DeleteWhy must we reason like men? I will do what I think is best for me, I don't have any business with how a man reasons because he is doing what is best for him.
DeleteAt the end of the day people do what is most convenient for their individual situation
I am on this table too and he is not even remorseful for all his sexcapades, jumping from one woman to the other even married women are not left out. I feel used and fed up already. Thinking of filling for a divorce to keep my sanity.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry,you married a dog who needs to be chained spiritually!
DeleteYou dont need to divorce him because of his promiscuity.
Divorce him only if he beats you.You can stop having unprotected sex with him if he infects you with std(s).
Just focus on yourself and kid(s)if you have any and be happy.
Pinklady you are a joker!
Deleteif my wife try such with me,she is gone.snooping is demonically and satanically bad
ReplyDeleteBut cheating is ‘angelically’ ok?....mtchewwww
DeleteSHUT UP!!!
DeleteCeaser cliqueđ....na demđđđđ
DeleteAnd adultery is not demonically and satanically bad?
DeleteMen like these believe that cheating is their birth right. Oga continue and watch how God will satanically and demonically deal with you.
DeleteMany are MAD, only few are roaming. She is gone and so? Are you Jesus?
DeleteThunder fire your entire existence dear Sir
DeleteGone from where? That rat hole you call a house? Poor, hopeless and foolish men can brag! With their over bloated egos...
DeleteP.s, I can bet my last card that you're also terrible in the sack. How dare you threaten a woman who's enduring your poverty and terrible sex at the same time?
WALLGECKO!
SMH
ReplyDeleteI'm shocked a lot of women are on this table, are still in their marriage and are not advising the BV to get a divorce. If it were a man that caught his wife cheating, you all would have advised him to divorce his wife. Na wa o! Nigerian women just love to suffer in marriage sha! You honestly think you have peace of mind knowing fully well that he is cheating on you?
ReplyDeleteMany men stay after wife cheats. Only big deal is if other people know about it. If you ever cheat on ur man don’t call anyone to beg him. He will divorce
DeleteYou will be shocked how many men are dealing with cheating wives in their home. My family member is one of such. Generally, people stay until they decide they can't stay anymore, you can't make the decision for them
DeleteThank you 18:35
DeleteCheating is a big deal to most men only when their ego is at stake, if nobody knows you cheated on them, they might not divorce, instead some will show you shege in that marriage.
Go and cheat. That's what you want to hear. Like he married you as a virgin.
ReplyDeleteKeep snooping till you get heart attack.
Nonsense.
Abeg what has her virginity got to do with anything? Men like you are gaslighters. A man gets caught cheating and there is no remorse. Then you wonder why God does not answer your prayers.
DeleteDon ike nsi soon ur wife or future wife will be having a dick better than yours.hope u will let her be
DeleteThere is no comment from this don that can surprise me. People like you jam the right women that know how to handle them wella, kontinu
DeleteYou will never trust him again. The pain from his words will go away eventually but trust you will never know again in that union. Stockpile and save everything you can from the finances of the marriage. If you still dislike him then leave the marriage when the children are older. Many men think a woman will never leave and sometimes circumstances prevent a woman from leaving, but move on when the children are grown. Your peace of mind and personal joy are yours to create.
ReplyDeleteThis happens when u trust wholeheartedly that a man can't be disloyal, wen dey finally hurt u, u feel lost.
ReplyDeleteIf a man cheats on his wife whom he respects,provides and cares for,its no big deal.It does not men that he doesn't love his wife.If he becomes remorseful and apologise when confronted(with or without evidence),it means you are still in charge and he respects you.
ReplyDeleteJust make sure he protects himself while at it.
You can only leave if he treats you badly by being abusive(emotionally)or violent.
Betrayal is common and it is one of those things one should always expect in life.Stop being bothered,focus on your self and kids.Be happy.
My husband just treated a man in his hospital in Abuja. He has HIV and he said the wife doesn’t know and he sleeps with her. He said he got it from one of his side chicks. My husband advised and encouraged him to open up to his wife. The man was even hospitalized because he was ill, when the wife came in, she asked my husband what the problem is, my husband said she told her he’s now feeling well. He seriously encouraged the man to tell his wife when they get home.
DeleteFor those of you who encourage women to stay with husbands and focus on her children. When diseases including cervical cancer , o yes men can transfer it from an infected woman to another, you won’t be there for those your kids and another woman will come in and maltreat them.
Pink lady I bet you are not woman. Useless talk focus on your kids. You think is easy to live with cheating lying man in the same. Rubbish.
DeletePink lady, though it's still daylight, I'm holding a Torchlight and seriously searching for your self esteem.
DeleteSo it was you Stella was referring to when she said 'get off the clearance rack'?
Kudos for that sign out meme Stella...
What is the meaning of marriage when all you are advised is to focus on your kids. Are you married to your kids?. Most women in marriages in Nigeria are advised to focus on their career and kids while in their marriage and not be bothered about the man. Please is that marriage?.
DeleteYou women don't know the meaning of love. You have all been shortchanged in love and you dont know it yet. A man who loves you won't cheat in your presence or absence. He is loyal to you even when you aren't even there..whether you know it or not,isn't his business. Someone isnt loving you 100% and you think that is love. You are being fed breadcrumbs in your relationships but no you keep living in your illusion of love.
Men has brainwashed you guys to feel you are still loved so as to stay put while they go on their cheating spree.
A man who cheats on his wife is selfish and love isn't selfish nor self serving
Read the bible definition of love and check if it matches what you are being offered in your relationship.
A man who cheats on his wife doesn't love her simple!
19:40 Preach it
Delete*** man who loves you won't cheat in your presence or absence. He is loyal to you even when you aren't even there..whether you know it or not,isn't his business. Someone isnt loving you 100% and you think that is love.
***A man who cheats on his wife doesn't love her simple!
marriage...fear dey catch me ooooo
ReplyDeleteSound exactly like what my husband down to the Muslim marriage. Almost 20 years of marriage. My dear I am just waiting for my last child to get into university abroad and I’m leaving him. The kids love him to pieces if not I would have walked away already. As soon as the last one is in I’m relocating to be with them and that’s it. I didn’t marry to be miserable which is what I have been for years. At least let me enjoy my remaining years.
ReplyDeleteMadam,I understand how you feel.I found out mine is cheating and couldnt even confront him because of how he is going to react.He feels he is a gift to me and cheating is his right cos he provides.I feel so angry with myself for not being able to speak up and even more so with his unrepentant attitude.I pray that I will find peace and be happy.
ReplyDeleteSorry cheating is a deal breaker for me. Cheat and watch me change those locks and take full custody of my kids.
ReplyDeleteNow this what I am talking aboutđ.
DeleteThat's how my mother in law told me "kiyi hakuri, ke ce mata din" meaning i should be patient and forgiving to her cheating son. Women have suffered
ReplyDeleteSeriously marriage is now getting scary!!!! Lord please protect me from negative vibes.
ReplyDeleteI can't cheat on my spouse,father please don't hesitate to chase away any man that will cause me pain. What is all this??? Bad is now the new good. Look at men telling her is normal thing. Jesus Christ please protect your children from these evil "MEN"....
I love Stella's blog, but things i read here is very scary. Who do we trust, when large number of people are insanely insane.
This is real life scenerio... don't be scared. Marriage is sweet when you are with the right partner. God will always give you your kind in marriage.
DeleteAmenoo,am scared too
DeleteWhen you marry a woman or a man you stay with her/him for life in every way and that's marriage. If you want to cheat please stay single. Marriage is not for you. Except you and your partner both agree on an open marriage.
ReplyDeleteStella let's have a post on open marriage in Nigeria. Should it be allowed? Yes/No. Because most of your chronicles are about cheating spouses and it's tiring yo give advices. Maybe open marriages should be a welcome development so everyone would rest and cheat with peace of mind. What do you think?.
Just saying.
DeleteBut we can all think for ourselves nah..
Should this be allowed....
They once asked in the Senate too, should child bride be allowed ?
These types of questions shouldn't even be aired. What is wrong is wrong. Should 70% of ppl on this blog say anything should be allowed does that make it right ?
Does that make it moral?
Just look at naija polictics, People might vote for something even when its wrong for a whole lot of silly, mediocre reasons.
If you don't belive in any religion
Please, at least be moral.
We are all respobsible in upholding for upholding the moral standard of our society
Most women endure this rubbish because they haven’t got much going on for them.
ReplyDeleteMy husband cheated on me, I found out. Confronted him with evidence, he admitted it while I recorded everything. I told him to leave the house that night. Thank God I live in a sane country. Served him divorce papers the next month and the judge gave me full custody of my kids. He sees the kids once in a month. I don’t let my life and happiness depend on anyone. I can’t live under the same roof with a cheat. Ince that trust is broken, things start falling apart from there. I fear for my life and the lives of my kids. I want to be alive for them.
Did I mention my family wanted me to stay in the marriage, I shut all of them out. They have all come back to their senses and want peace.
All these anonymous people spewing thrash under my comment,I just dey laugh una!
ReplyDeleteNa una type dey chop steady beating,stds,abuse of all kinds and many more.
Yet,you stay.
I can't pretend especially with faceless people like you!
Shatap so your real name is pinky? Where is your picture? As far I'm concerned you too is an anonymous.
DeleteNo pinklady you are so wrong. When it comes to tolerating cheating in a relationship. Believe me "na only you waka come".
DeleteI am married,trust me, I am always in cloud 9. Hubby refused sex even kissing before marriage said he was celibate and old things has passed away. Threatened to break up with him but he said, nothing is worth the loss of his soul not even me. Right there, I calmed down.
I was surprised when after the reception hubby was already having me in the backseat of the car.
To think I always thought he was either a one minute man or he was "whittle"(lol) down there. Then we got married and he is a stallion, and really "blessed". Even most times I avoid him because he has quite an appetite.
Hardly keeps his hands off me, so touchy feely like I get tired most times but I appreciate him. You think chivalry is dead then you haven't met my husband. Opens door, breakfast in bed, gives massages,At restaurant he doesn't sit till I am seated and stands up when I'm about to stand. He treats me like his best friend. Though he told me before we got married he wasn't looking for a wife but a soulmate and a friend. I always thought nobody can love me the way I deserved to be loved asides God and my mother but God proved me wrong when he brought mi amor into my life.
I know what I am enjoying in my marriage so when I see women like myself in situationship it hurts.
All these stories about cheating men are rubbish. A cheat can't love you for he loves himself and his selfish desires first, and more than you. When a man loves himself more than he loves you( even though he loves you) you are done for. Besides a man who cheat doesn't love God and if a man doesn't love and respect God...forget it he can't love nor respect you, let alone love you the way God wants you to be loved.
Based on your reasoning it shows You have never been loved, maybe attraction Yes, likeness?.but love? No.I don't know if you are a woman, but May you find true undiluted love so you can tell the differenceđ¤.
Now we will understand all those women who jazz their men up and turn them into robot beings .
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to stop being judgementso about people . Wives who stop caring about their husbands have their reasons and it's usually because the man cheated.
Aren't men and women scared of the spiritual repercussion of having indiscriminate sex??? The spiritual pollution and co??
Then STDs? HIV??
Learn to love and appreciate your spouse . Don't go chasing snake in the monkey shadow sex style you watched on porn. Those ones are acting and must be desensitized to the art and aroma of lovemaking ...
Madam threesomes, I hail o ooo!
Please draw closer to God . You should pray for cleansing. Don't go looking for other sex partners please . May God appear to your husband in a way that it's only you that his dick will rise for .
Poster, be happy , give your career and kids the best. Don't go about moping around the house .
Look good. Try and get over it. Insist he uses condom and go for HIV testing every 6 months .
Don't let the hurt show
MY DEAR, I'm forced to comment cus Stella didn't know what to say. See, as for me, a lot of things are overrated in this life. Especially in this country. These include marriage and cheating. Except that the Bible frowns on it, I personally don't see it as such a big deal. It's just like the ongoing yahoo yahoo debate. It depends on how you see it. Even Beyonce forgave JayZ. Cheating is not the biggest crime in the world. CHEATING IS OVERRATED. Each and everyone of us does one thing or the other that are equally bad or even worse. I'm not saying to condone his cheating ways but you don't need to stop living because of that. According to you, he's not even remorseful. What probably hurts you are the things you heard him say to her. I can assure you, they are PURE LIES. He don't love her more than you, he's just lying his way to free sex. She's probably not the only one sef. He won't marry her cos he can't afford it financially not bcos he's not a Muslim. And I can't tell you he will never marry her cos they love varieties. He won't flirt with the idea of getting stuck to her again like marriage made him do to you.
ReplyDeleteThis is my take:
1. Henceforth, don't have sex with him without condoms and let him know it's bcos he broke your trust by not confessing until you confronted him with evidence. That way you can protect yourself from diseases. When you want babies, cut a whole at the tip of the condom.
2. Whether or not your marriage will shake is not my business. I told you earlier, marriage is overrated. You better start living with him like a close friend (co-habit) like majority of the people do in their marriages.
3. You said you were looking for revenge. There, number 1 is your revenge, he will never get over it. Maybe you can forgive him when he's broken and remorseful. You can both do tests before you carry on without condoms and swear for him that if he ever infects you with something bad, so so so will be his case. Cos I can assure, they won't stop cheating, so it's better they use condoms with them too.
4. Learn to overcome your hurt by reading more about how couples who experienced the same thing overcame it. Watch related movies too.