Stella Dimoko Iya Ibeji Series- The Pressure Of Being A Best Friend.


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Saturday, May 11, 2019

Iya Ibeji Series- The Pressure Of Being A Best Friend.

Are you a best friend or you have one?

I didn't have much female friends while growing, I grew up with boys so my brothers friends automatically became my friends.

I started enjoying being friends with women when i entered the University and even now I have quite a handful of female friends and they think I'm amazing. amazing one of them made me her best friend.

She held me in high esteem and always confided in me. One time when she was going for a fertility treatment, I was the only friend she told. When she came back I got so busy that we didn't have time to talk, and I knew we ought to and  I called her one day to ask how far and she replied" is this something you will ask me on the phone?"

 I sensed it wasn't successful and I didn't know how to comfort her, but we eventually talked and she told me how disappointed she was in me and said other things she felt I wasn't doing right. That night I couldn't sleep and asked God if I was a bad person.

Even though I apologized our relationship was never the same again. She had a life threatening surgery recently and I wasn't even aware until she shared the testimony. I felt bad that she went through all that and I wasn't able to comfort her.

Recently another friend was telling me how I have been there for her and how she is blessed to have me in her life. She said I'm now her best friend and how she hadn't had one for a long time etc. I didnt want to go thru the stress of being a best friend again...

Ever since she said that I realized I have been going out of my way to be a good friend. I check up on her through calls and WhatsApp, all the things the other lady accused me of I'm trying to correct with this one. I really don't want to disappoint this one but I'm tired.

It's becoming a struggle and not so enjoyable, the pressure to be a good best friend is getting to me and I don't know how to stop it. 


  1. My dear, it's simply manipulation... No best friend will put the other under undue pressure, except he/she reciprocates.

    1. I am someone who likes to share how I feel, but if I notice you don't like people prying I give your the space and opportunity to tell me whatever you feel I should know, but recently I found out a friend was going through stuff and I dint even know about so I used it as an opportunity to reach out to other friends and ask them what or if they needed to share things so I could help them out if I could and that has helped alot.
      try as much as possible to reach especially when you are needed

  2. I don't have a best friend. Though have a friend I'm closer to than anyone else but I don't think I can classify her as a best friend. I'm a very emotional person and if you can't treat me the way I treat you then we can't be best friends. So I control my friendship.

  3. With all the happenings in the world
    Everyone has struggles and challenges
    My mom used to be my bestie
    I have few friends that are good.

    I met Bee10,Cookie and Choco here and the role they played when I lost my mom can't be overemphasized..Some just don't know how to console and they are not being bad. I don't expect too much from people.

  4. I dnt hav a best friend cos I'm a one man squad, but I also hav a close friend shaa but my close friend is far away from me n we talk once in a while. I recently formed close friendship with 2 of my colleagues but dey weren't worth at all.
    So much back biting n name calling to d extent of calling me a witch! Too sad, I had to go to God in prayers to protect me cos I'm actually working for their families.

    For now shaa, no more friendship abeg. Just I, my bf, n my sisters.
    To God be praised.

    The real tess-baby

  5. My bestie told me recently that I never confide in her concerning my siblings whereas she narrates every every going on with hers. She has been repeating these statements for some weeks now, so I just told her to please stop telling me about herself and siblings because my sisters didn't send me message to talk about their lives seeing they are very private people in the abroad. I told

    1. Exactly I hate the fact that cos they tell you stuff you've to tell them.

  6. You don't choose your family but you choose your friends. If friendship feels like a burden then it's time to stop and reevaluate. It is not by force. Friendship's supposed to be mutual and enjoyable not a duty. Maybe it's time to talk to your "friend" and tell her how you feel.

    1. I used to have two Male besties , my bf came into my life and imposed himself as my one and only bestie 😂😂😂, he has been living up to it tho ,
      But I really dont fancy this bestie thing , I treat everyone with care and caution .
      Some friendships can be burdensome and I'm pretty hypersensitive so I thread with caution.

  7. I've never opened up all of me to a "friend".
    The closet, truest and purest ive had to friendship was in primary and secondary school innocent and undiluted.
    After that I've never opened up to someone and had them close I've had trust issues for no reason.

    My sister on the other hand is the life of the party, peoples person, she loves friends can't do with out them gives her all.. is closer to them than me. All of them have betrayed her with her men.

  8. Having Naija girls as friend is like having a
    BBC reporter on the wait.
    Na so them mouth go dey run tatatatatataaa
    like old spoilt typewriter wey don rust well well.
    If you tell them say water enter under ya rug
    for them report them go yarn say ya house went
    with the flood. 😯😯😯
    When a Naija girl come near you 🤐🤐🤐🤐

    But how come them be my friends?
    Ajuju n' ese okwu. 😝😝😝😝😝

  9. Once I call you my friend, I can go to any lengths for you but I've stopped expecting people to reciprocate because you would just end up disappointed. The one who reciprocates becomes blood to me. My mum is my best friend.

  10. Can't trust anybody as a bestie sef
    All the 'friends ' I have, e Dey end for "how far?" and small talk, no personal stuff at all

  11. I have been trying to understand this post.

    You are under pressure to be a best friend?

    Let me eat first.

    1. I totally get her,some friends want your blood just because you are friends. They expect so much from U,I only blame Iya ibeji in this case cos she started. She was overcompensating for the other friend she lost in this new one,now she can't keep up again thereby putting herself under unnecessary pressure.

  12. All best friends are users,I am a very private person and the only friends I have had been with me all thru childhood and we are still together,sometimes we don't see ourselves for ages and when we do we unburden,laugh,joke and went back to chatting or calling ourselves once in a blue moon and everyone is happy that way

  13. Hehehehe.

    I know that pressure. I have been under it before and frankly speaking - I went all out to be loyal, keep secrets (which I will still keep to the grave), fasted and prayed. One time, she kept me on the phone for 6 hours straight!! Telling me about her problems. Oh God... I was sad for days. I prayed that God comes through for her cos frankly I couldnt help with the said issues. They were beyond me.

    Hmmm... recently, baby girl has been good. God did come through!! But what did I get in return? Hahahaha. Only to find out my business has been out there for years!! OMG! I was like.... 💁‍♀️ Look at this one oh? So you are laidis? Okay! I am on full bitch mode now and she can't believe it. She is so uneasy that she is texting endlessly amidst my one-liners. The annoying part was when I tried to have conversations about how I was feeling like she wasn't being a good friend, she was passing blames. I smiled and said 'Ok'. I wont say it I would act it and leave you hanging like I never knew you.
    Now she is calling all our mutual friends and asking them if I told them anything 😂 I 'very smartly' didnt. So those ones are calling me and asking me whats up with that and I am like they should ask her back cos 'I dont know sh*t about what she's saying' and she cant talk cos deep down she knows she's fucked up repeatedly with facts!

    We shall be like this for at least 2 years or forever. But I am NEVER doing that best friend bullshit no more. No one should ask of me what they can't give in return #issatrap

    They want to be bestfriends when they see you are a good person. Even start to demand stuff they can't do for you, from you. Naah!! Dont pressure yourself and set expectations and please say no when you can't. And stop apologizing for everything. Let them reciprocate even the little you have done, before you step up to level 2. Or else?? You'd burn out before you realise you were best friends with yourself and Jesus, on the day you need them most.

    1. @Chikito..You are right about them wanting to be best Friends when they see you are a good person but the issue is they hardly reciprocate.
      This was why I stopped allowing people to be my friend. I said "allow" because I don't go all out to make friends. I stay on my lane because honestly am not interested in friends anymore since the day I got beaten up for a friend. I had learnt to stay on my lane. But sometimes I be like" why not give her a chance". Then it s me doing all the niceties while the so called friend just sit back and enjoy. It's tiring being the one who always got others back but no one got yours. With one friend I started feeling emotionally drained that I cried on the road in broad daylight. My brother had to hold me to stop crying. She was more like an emotional vampire. Take! take!take! all the time but they never reciprocate and she won't let me be when I want to stop the friendship.
      She would start asking" what have i done to You, are you avoiding me?". YES! I AM AVOIDING YOUR ARS****😁

    2. @21:55 my story!!@ i have NEVER begged for friends. They read you and see that you are someone they want to come close to and they start flocking around you. Sometimes its because they want to learn something, other tomes its because they want to identify with you. Me I no dey look people face maybe it pride or over confidence but I dont try to make friends or burst into cliques. These day, I don't allow them either. My fence is very high up the friends I have are enough. Let's all look up to Jesus.

  14. Thanks for this topic...
    I recently realised that you could call someone your best friend but to the other person you are a close friend but not a best friend.I am Gemini and I represent every bit of it.i make friends easily and get people to trust me too and I'm kinda an open book but life happened to me in Uni and I decided to keep my circle small.

    Got myself two best friends,One was free spirited,From a rich background,Caring and a giver but he never took life seriously,Was too playful and had the mind of Toddler(He was an only child so I guess it affected him).He liked anything in skirt but like I mentioned earlier would go to the ends of the earth to please a friend.The second guy on the other hand Was a Believer(I got closer to God and still am because of him),Not judgemental,Intelligent and focused,Liked Fashion like myself,Was also a giver but from a not so rich family and was/is chaste but is good at keeping things to himself and doesn't speak up even when it's uncomforting for him and that I don't like as I see it as a sign of weakness.

    Me on the other hand can be handful but one thing about me was/is I always focus on achieving feats for myself,I played alot too but always knew where to draw the line as my Papa no be Dangote,was/is Religious,caring,give too but had/have a very foul mouth.

    Fast forward to after school life happened to all of us so I barely saw any of them as often as I'd wanted(As we are in different states) but we thank God for social media(I'm terrible with calling too) so we kept In touch the most we can but along the line I discovered that rich kid hadn't grown up.He Expected I take Time off work to discuss frivolity(His latest sexual conquest,His rich uncle's mistresses and lotta childish shits which would have interested before)But the truth is that my type of job didn't gimme such luxury but the other guy on the other hand understood my plight(As he was busy himself),Discussed business ideas with me and other pertinent issues with me(Doesn't mean we didn't play around a few times) then it happened.

    Rich kid asked that I came all the way from Lagos to Owerri for one of his Exes from school wedding that left him because she felt he had a lot of growing up to do.Was willing to pay my flight tro and fro just for us to goan slay and form big boys at the girls wedding(Reasons being that I know how to slay) but work was tight as at the time and I basically didn't see a need to attend.Na there trouble start...
    Dude started avoiding me,Putting up pictures of himself balling and became cold during Chatversations Then when I tried to inquire what the problem was he told me it was obvious I had chosen the other guys friendship over his(Reason being that I uploaded picture of me and dude at a wedding where we did groomsmen for a friend) in his words"I couldn't go all out for him but could go all the way to do groomsmen with the other guy".

    In my mind he's still a very good friend but I've cancelled the idea of a bestie with either of them biko before I come and die of hypertension(When it's not like it's a relationship).So abeg please was I a bad friend to have expected my friend to grow up or was I to trade my job on the altar of friendship to continue carrying the best friend Tag?

    Sorry for the Epistle abeg

  15. I used to have a best friend, one time I was dealing with a really serious issue and I didn't tell her,couldn't tell anyone at all, she has this other girl that's like a demi god in her life so I was certain the girl would hear my matter. It felt like the other girl was the original bestie. So when everything was okay for me I finally decided to tell her and yeah the first thing she did was to tell the other girl and the next minute phone calls were coming in and aunty is yelling at me. After that she confided in the other girl, told her she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore cuz I will 'hurt' her again. She couldn't even tell me herself.
    Our matter long abeg.
    Anyways... we do not speak anymore.
    Life goes on!

    1. I remember when I told my friends about my career break last year they almost fainted. They could not believe I was quiet and calm through it all.

      I told my friend described up there ☝️she was spreading the gist to people she would give me sign language not to say our gist infront of when they show up at her place and we are gisting. Those ones were now excitedly broadcasting it upandan. When asked she said she was asking them to know if they can help. And I am like: if I needed their help I would have told you to help ask them. Duuuh.... No be you tell me say dem be your friends and them get big mouth so you no dey like make them know anything about you? Oh! So na my own good to talk. No wahala.


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