Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmmmm










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

A HUSBAND WHO DOES NOTHING



My apologies as this may seem long.


 I just need advise on what to do. I met my husband through a friend in 2016. We connected via BBM.

 I live outside Nigeria. We got talking and all and I visited in summer of 2016. Got engaged, wedded in 2017. He is a very cool guy so cool that it is affecting the marriage. The ‘what I want in a guy basics’ clouded my mind so much so that I did not pay attention to what actually makes me happy in a partner. He is educated, working and a christian clouded by judgement that I forgot I like guys who can hold a conversation, fun to be around, take charge as a man etc. We have had a marriage counsellor that obviously has proved futile now.


I am a goofy person, I like to gist about anything and everything with the person I’m with. But I found out I always strike the conversations and even to go with the flow seem a problem. He has only dated one person before me and she ended things abruptly with him. Our s#x like is almost none existent. I made the move on our wedding night, I can say that since we got married 2017 up until now, I have either made the s#x move or given the ‘green light’. I literally taught him how to have s#x and he was so comfortable in acting clueless until I blasted him.

 I knew he was almost a virgin (almost because according to him, his first s#x was a girl threatening to scream rape if he did bang her). This will give you an idea when I say he is too cool bcox in this day and age, how will a young girl threaten your virginity off you.

Our communication sucks big time. I sponsored him to join me here and our application was rejected because even immigration officer could see how shallow our communication is to believe we are a couple. All bcox I stopped talking to. I even was forced to ask him if he is gay during our honeymoon. But he swore with the bible he is not. It got to a point I said I was done which I meant after we took vacation in tho hopes to make it work. It was the worse two weeks in my vacation history. Boring is an understatement. And I stayed when I found out I was pregnant.

Every decision you would expect a man to take or even suggest, he would not, and I ask myself if I am married a man or a boy. But bcox he is so cool (not faking it) people always tell me to take it easy (not that I report him to anyone) but u know the usual advise from family. But nobody knows how painful the shoe I wear hurts.


 We spent a week in a hotel when work sent him for training abroad and u wont believe we did not even kiss not to talk of hug. When I visited with our child, we also spent a week in hotel in Lagos while waiting for renovations at home to finish and again nothing happened.

He loves me so much that I know, he reads book on how to make marriage work etc but nothing is forthcoming. I want my marriage to work. My heart and feelings have closed up to him that I see him as a cousin I am sharing apartment with. I have told him in anger, in calmness, in pleading but we just cant seem to know what is wrong.


 My heart is so closed that I just wanna have my kids by him and move on with my life in few years but who really wants a broken home. When I was the one doing most of the communication, jokes, play etc, it was good, u could tell he was a happy person. But when I stopped that I too need happiness, that is when the problem started and it’s starting to seem like I don’t see anything good in him...



*Well since you are the engine of the marriage and home,why dont you continue?Or are you reading and listening to other women talk about their men?Abeg forget them and cherish what you have oh,at least he would never cheat on you na...hehehehehhehe

107 comments:

  1. Really! Unfortunately that i think is his persona. You cant change a full grown man. Live with it or take a break, he might change after, if he doesn't, take a walk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If he doesn't abuse u or give u wahala pls stay with him..
      Just get a side boo that will be making u happy..If u know u won't remarry and separate his kids from him,then birth all ur kids with him..See him as a co-parent..

      U can never change a grown ass man..Dats his mother's duty..Since she did a poor job with him,let him be.

      But if u want to divorce him in future and remarry,pls don't birth any more kids with him..Stick to that one u have already .Find a better man and birth d rest of ur kids with him..
      Don't tie urself down with many kids from d same man and still want to marry another and birth more children again..Be wise.

      Delete
    2. WHAT DO WOMEN WANT???

      The best advice is to make yourself happy. You alone can make you happy. Just Focus on your child, your life and be happy.

      We should learn to know and understand who we want to end up with, in all spheres of life before the big decision in order to avoid tales by moonlight.

      PS: Some ladies long and pray for this kinda man.

      Delete
    3. Hmm. that's better. my own wife fights me everyday and we have been married only 2 months. I provide the monthly allowance as usual but I wonder why the anger. she even fights me when u rest weekends. says too much sleeping makes me sick. now she cooks for herself only. who is the bad spouse?

      Delete
    4. Nawa o. You didn't really know this guy before you married him..if not you shld have seen this and made a decision if you cld cope or not.
      Before I met my husband, the guy i was dating too was kinda boring. We cldnt really gist for long, conversations was just there and the sex too was bland. I dont think I was even that attracted to him. Chaiiii but when I met my husband,he wasn't even based in the country and I will get wet thinking about him,every night it was an issue on dropping the phone to sleep cos I was missing him so much. None of us will want to drop.
      Our connection is just out of this world. Wanted to be with him every second of the day. To me that is what marriage shld be,you shld be obsessed with whoever you are with.
      You guys lacked chemistry from the onset. I will say keep encouraging him,becos a child is already involved. Good luck

      Delete
    5. Anonymous 16:23:
      I know where the problem lies. You are not performing your duty well in the other room. If you perform well, your appraisal will be high and you she'll treasure you like Gold.

      How long do you last in bed? Are you are 3 minutes man? If you satisfy her well in bed, she'll adore you forever. You seriously need to disvirgin your wife, spank her ass, one leg on the window, one facing the door, and do the needful without mercy. She want it rough until she squirt.

      Save your marriage before you use your hand to scatter it.

      Delete
    6. Hmmmmm……. it is well with you Sir.

      Delete
    7. Oga, you married a wife not a cook be that according to that short man Noble Igwe. I don't know what to say because I don't know anything about marriage. I pray she realises what her duty towards you as a wife entails and I hope you do same as well. God help you.

      Delete
    8. Poster remember that you can’t have it all

      Delete
    9. You alone can make yourself happy. Continue with what you are doing that's marriage for you. If you get the one that is forward now you will say he us controlling ..stat in control with this one you guys have many years ahead.

      Delete
  2. You wanted to be married and now you’re but you’re not happy because you didn’t take your time to know this person.
    To be honest, the answer to your dilemma lies with you because you’re the person wearing the shoes. If you decide to stay or leave it’s up to you. He could be gay or just wired differently but the issue is that you can’t stand this person.

    If he is reading books and tagging along for counseling then it means he wants to improve, why not continue to help him? By the way, the headline is so derailing, actually thought it was about a man who was jobless. Teach him how to love you you seem so impatient and if you can’t be bothered to teach him, please stop insulting him and calling him names. Allow the man go so he can be his true self. Verbal abuse is just as bad, all this calling men weaklings and what not is unnecessary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Allow him go where? Small thing you don suggest divorce! Did she say anything like that?
      If he likes he should eat with Dr phil from same plate, he wont change, na follow-come something

      Delete
    2. madam calm down, breathe in, breathe out. now listen. we all are unique and different, and we should learn to compliment ourselves in marriage. if ur husband is like u, u may get even more bored, he may piss u off even more, or it won't even be as fun as u envisage. I suggest u take him as he is. talk to him with love and respect, correct him in love, check what gives him pleasure and work with it. let me tell u d good news, u may not do all these for long because once he catch d vibe, he'll carry on with it and u can now relax. don't give up on him. most men are not as sharp as we feel they should be. put him through and let him be his true self. all this swaggerlicious guys u see around has baggage u bet u can never tolerate. just go home and love ur husband

      Delete
    3. This is why women piss me off. The man is peaceful, kind, hard working, not talkative, generous and not a sex addicted womaniser! Most importantly he has shown willingness to learn. But oti o madam wants ready made. No patience, nothing. It's not her fault. Mcheew

      Delete
    4. Pwetie, leave this long sermon, they are NOT compatible. Focus on your children cus he wont change

      Delete
    5. Doppel, I didn't see where she stated she called him weakling or names.I reason she wants us to uderstand how she feels as much as possible and I do. she obviously loves this man too and the apparent good side of him was what attracted her initially. But what she deeply values and that makes her tick cannot just change ( spontaneity fun, romantic and a 'manly" man) neither can the man change overnight. hence shes becoming increasingly frustrated. Poster I was in your shoes when I newly got married well except for the sex part(my husband Na machine for that side) Lol, we met dated and married within a year (distance relationship). And like you,I'm very outgoing, loves adventures, spontaneous, enjoy intellectual conversations and movies but my hubby though a great and kind guy was very reserved, quiet, loved watching African magic,waits for me to be the one to make most decisions(so annoying) rarely gets my gist, so we hardly even gisted . Only sex life was lit, no spontaneous romantic anything, I honestly thought of leaving, confided in my older cousin who advised me to keep acting like he was all that I expected,that is, (I like manly man,act like he is one,tell him to decide this and that in the home, gist him your kinda gist whether he gets it or not, be spontaneous with him, be romantic with him, when's he's there play the movies you like, with time, you'd see he eventually will catch up somehow, at least meet you half way, don't just push to change him overnight,to avoid him feeling pressured, just do your part and he'll gradually adjust and you too will find yourself adjusting subconsonsciously in some areas to meet him halfway because of the efforts you're seeing he is taking to meet you. Basically to meet each other half way ".) And it's working honestly, my hubby has changed a lot and as years go by, I'm falling more and more in love with the man he's becoming. But note, this takes time,mine took 4 years and counting so you have to be patient,no one is perfect, the next guy you meet maybe all you want, you guys connect like wifi but he may be abusive or a chronic cheat or something, no one got it all together always, so I advice you don't give up just yet.put in more work. You'll be happier for it eventually. Best wishes.
      Note: Pls people courting or intending to marry,it's important you take time to get to know your spouse and be sure they are your type and the connection is there from the onset to avoid being in this same situation.

      Delete
    6. Anon 15:20, I really want to insult you but I’d send you to your English teacher who failed you because comprehension is clearly a problem for you.
      I said so many things but the part where I said she should let him go if she’d continue to abuse him for his person is the one you decided to pick on. So the poor man who hasn’t done anything wrong should continue to live with someone who is clearly unhappy and calling him names because “Marriage is a do or die affair”?.

      Delete
    7. Your case is very easy to solve. Tell friends and family, have a recording made that u want flirt with another man to ginger him( evidence)
      Do it so he can see and hear, let someone drop u off, gist with him in d car even wen he knows u r back, take phone calls and just fool ard, this will mk him change. If he doesn’t, then u married an Allen

      Delete
    8. @Doppel, Explain the meaning of "let him go". She should let him go where please? Do you mean Divorce, seperated, a break in marriage or what? Please explain

      Delete
    9. That guy is smart, and cheating. My husband was everything u described up there, the day I found out he was cheating,i was so so so shocked. He was texting dem different girls with baby, honey, and the likes sef... 😂 😂 😂 😂.. Girl, open your eyes. He has managed to make you believe he is clueless.

      Delete
    10. Doppel, its clear to everyone that its u that need to go back to ur english teacher cus u cant comprehend after reading, go back and read then tell us where she said she calls him names....
      And she never thought of divorce, so dont put rubbish ideas in her head

      Delete
    11. So you just assume theyre all like that abi? Cus your husband deceived you

      Delete
    12. Hmmmm 18:01 your story is just wow. I wish you could tell a fuller version.

      Delete
    13. Again to whom it may concern, comprehension really is a problem.
      Poster said and I quote “I literally taught him how to have sex and he was so comfortable acting clueless until I BLASTED him” and “I even had to ask him if he was gay during our honeymoon”

      Also, no way in my comment did I specifically say that she called him a weakling because she didn’t. I was simply making reference to verbal abuse and how women talk to men when they are upset. Abeg, poster be patient with this man. If his first sexual
      experience was forced according to the story he narrated to you then it’s possibie he is still suffering from the trauma and needs to unlearn to learn.

      I know a guy going through same with his wife and that’s why I feel sorry for your husband. He got married in December and his wife keeps saying he is boring and “why am I not pregnant?”. They dated for 1 year long distance, no sex before wedding etc. and now she is always nagging about his attitude. This guy is very quiet, has only one friend and only cares about work/reading. His wife was his first o so nothing like maybe he explored a lot before he married her but still she is always complaining. I know this much because he is a colleague/friend and I attended his wedding.

      Delete
    14. Madam enough of explanation let her decide between your advice and others. Ó to gé for explanation kilode.

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    15. Doppelganger you should have sense na..everytime allow him go allow him go and you thing it is better out there. If she marries the one that is outgoing now you will say he is controlling allow him go

      Delete
  3. Madam you married a phlegmatic man, it's either you learn how to live with him or you bounce
    With the right help and guidance, he MAY improve to an extent sha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A phlegmatic man to the core, madam read up on this temperament and find out how best to relate with him. concentrate on his strengths and use it to cancel out his weaknesses.

      All the best😘

      Delete
    2. Taaaaa!! Which Phlegmatic? Phlegmatic no dey reach bedroom ooo. Biko say something else.

      Delete
    3. A talkative woman and a talkative man will end up blowing the house up.
      Poster, I bet you, your husband is grateful to God for the kind of woman you are, why? He lives the fact that you have all d energy he lacks. You said it yourself that he was happy when you were the engine. Pls continue to be the engine, it's not worth it walking away from a marriage bcos the man is boring to you; I think that is a small cross to bear. With time, you will pick some of your energy and you'll be shocked at what he will turn out to be.
      For now, pls enjoy your peaceful home and just know that the ginger will come from you.
      About him never making the first move, says not a problem, a friend just learnt to make the first move this year after 6yrs of marriage. His wife got tired of making the 1st move and starbed him for 3months, he had to come out of his shell and make the move.
      A happy home and a fulfilling marriage is way more than having an energetic husband.

      Delete
    4. I agree with 18:39, poster also consider 16:23. You may need a lot of patience that may yield in the end.

      Delete
    5. God bless Royal Tribe.

      Delete
  4. Kai.....this is really sad.
    You married this man out of desperation....you didn’t have time to study him,know his capabilities.
    What’s a relationship without spices?
    Gisting, being naughty, flirting,doing those tiny things lovers do.
    You made your choice when you opened both eyes and married someone you are not compatible with.
    To think you don’t even have good sex 😨
    Love is never enough in a marriage.
    Keep managing o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thats the sad part.
      Such a man some be a killer on the bed, to make up for shortcomings, so what is he good for na? Reading books, who dat one epp?

      Delete
    2. Anon 15:22 very sad. Sometimes it’s not even about “good sex” I can’t stand a boring partner.
      We must gist about everything even if its irrelevant.
      I remember sometime ago, we were on our way to town and then I saw one babe with big and sexy ass 😆
      I pointed her to my bf but he didn’t see her. We had to revise the car and went back where I spotted her.
      He saw her and we both admired her. We are crazy like that.

      Delete
    3. One man's meat........
      Mine is a talkative, addicted to sex and pornography, can't make a sensible conversation with all that noise he makes, argues blindly like a bat. I wish I have a quiet person like yours.

      Delete
    4. Hhahaha! This life eeh...One man's food is another man's poison.

      Delete
    5. I don't know which woman will like a talkative when you know you are one u don't need that. Enjoy yoir marriage madam. Thank God money no be problem

      Delete
  5. Yaba left escapee25 June 2019 at 15:10

    Thats his nature!!
    You cant change a man like that.
    If you like climb mount Kilimanjaro and pray for 40 days & 40 nights, he wont change.
    Thats why i'd say whoever you want to spend 4ever with, make sure you've known them all through the seasons, before you say I DO!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 all she can do is try to make herself happy.
      I won’t give a boring dude audience.
      I like my man wild.

      Delete
    2. Just find yourself a sideboo simple

      Delete
    3. @Proudly Fenist, I'm coming for your boyfriend or husband as a side chic

      Delete
  6. Dear poster, I do not wear your shoes hence might never understand how you feel but I will say, why don't you try another counselor..... there's perfect man out there and it looks like, you can have this one wrap around your little finger. I don't think you should take a walk. How about sitting him down and give him an ultimatum? Tell him if after you see another counselor and give him a time frame and you see no change, you are done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's no perfect man out there**

      Delete
  7. You don't actually have a problem. you married a good man.
    be patient, teach him and expose him to the things that make you happy.
    it will be alright ok.
    e hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly he is a good man. Please poster just be patient with him. The fact that he’s willing to learn is what I admired in your story.

      Delete
  8. I’m concerned about his sexuality. He is just not interested in women. I might be wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The one or two I've known that are not interested in women are usually hostile towards them. I may be wrong too.

      Delete
    2. Anon 15.25. Same thought.

      Delete
  9. I thought he was a liability, until I read where you stated he works and can foot his bill.
    My dear, have you ever thought of the fact that he married you because you are all out, lively, talkative (cos of his nature), etc, so you can bring some sparks and life into him?
    It's just 2 years and you are tired of putting the smiles and happiness on you both faces?
    No cheating, cursing, beating, etc from him, but just his quiet nature and being too reserve?
    You have watched alot of romantic movies and heard people's talk and you are comparing.
    My love, this here is a gift God gave you, to mould into what you want.
    Do you know what true love means? ALWAYS GIVING AND NEVER EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN.

    I am glad you know you hold the key to you both happiness. Bring it back.
    Else, this way you are going, It's definitely a divorce brewing and if it happens, I pray the all happening and outspoken guy you will meet, will have half the other qualities of this man you are not seeing.
    Goodluck with your decision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wise choice of wordings

      Delete
    2. Highly favoured bed sheets,

      They should ban all those romantic movies and books. They set one up for unrealistic standards and expectations.

      Poster, Maybe not living together is the cause but the lack of excitement for sex is cause for concern ...

      Can you continue in your role as the livewire and with time it would rub off on him?


      Please don't get frustrated with him.

      Delete
    3. Oh you have spoken my mind. I am a very reserved person like this poster... of course if I want to get a partner I’d get one not reserved like me.... cause I’d want that person to teach me things, make me out spoken too cause I really want to learn.
      Please poster be calm about this.

      Delete
    4. Nice counsel. The man you have is quality, not quantity. Stop watching too much Mexican romance movies!

      Delete
    5. And Indian movies.

      Delete
  10. You're the salt of your marriage, you stopped adding salt and realised how tasteless it is. If you really like him, continue adding salt. That's just his nature, you just gotta deal the best way you can.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I also forgot to add that your treatment to him Is a DV. You are killing him completely. You have taken away his peace and sanity and making him feel inferior and inadequate. He will be more withdrawn now and will leave a solitary life, wanting nothing from the outside world or you.
    You now represent trouble to him. I am sure his heart skips whenever he sees you.
    Also, when he stands or in the midst of his fellow men, he will always feel inferior and inadequate. Why? The wife he married, tells him so on a daily basis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His heart skips whenever he sees her? Is that one man?

      Delete
    2. Men are human beings too. I dont know why we dont get this.

      Poster, you are incompatible with this gentleman.
      2 things:either subsume your happiness and live for making him happy or leave.

      Delete
    3. Nice one 👍🏾 highly favoured bedsheets

      Delete
  12. Lady, this guy was raped! Point blank.
    Imagine yourself in his position, it is the same
    emotional/psychological issues that ladies have when
    raped. For the guy, it is peculiar and worse when
    a lady who is supposed to be "weaker" did it to him.
    It snatches his self confidence as a man and smashes it.
    You need to calm down and be the motivation for this man to live.
    As it is, I see a man who is willing to improve, seeing that
    he is "studying books on making a marriage work". The Bible is the
    best of such a book. I guess if you both begin to have a bible study
    plan and do it together with prayers for God's help and the regular
    fasts that Christians do...you will overcome. If you continue in this
    character trajectory, you might make him think that all ladies are
    bad mannered and domineering like the lady that raped him.
    You have a nice man sisi. Make you no carry ya hand scatter this
    marriage inugo?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hes actually trying but he cant make himself be someone else, all the books & research wont go anywhere

      Delete
    2. God bless you. I have been reading the comments to see who will point this out. This guy was raped, and may still be traumatized. Hence, his calmness towards life in general. He is not lazy when it comes to work, but only when it comes to relating wiht a woman. And you cannot detect that he is still traumatized from his ordeal? Worse is that he lived a decent life, even before you, from what you stated up there. He does not know the wild way, so the rape further confined his mind towards women. Please take it easy wiht him. Win him out of that trauma first, and you will see that he can be as wild as you are.

      Delete
    3. You've hit the nail on the head. Men have feelings too, men also cry.

      Delete
    4. You are on point. Poster, please walk with this man, try and be in his shoes, give him time and finally try to be his best friend. Stop using your words to make him feel less. It seems you have a good man please guard him.

      Delete
  13. My dear you are already married to him, give him time OK. You can't change him, God can so start a Thanksgiving prayer, start thanking God that he can do all you want, don't give up don't complain, and watch him change!!! But you have got a good man out there with you. Cherish it. Please pray for yourself too , that God will help you see less of his faults. You will be alright with my dear.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I read and thought about your chronicle before responding. I think u need a good friend and he needs one as well. U may have to find him one
    Why do u need one? U need almond to enjoy life with. Somone to suggest events and fun stuff. You might be depending a little too much on your husband for company. You need a distraction. Attract someone that enjoys life and ask the person to Invite you out. I think you’re tired of being the life of the party and need someone else to bring the spark
    Your husband too needs a friend. You can start by letting him go for counseling alone
    Explain to the counselor that ur main issue is hubby lacks initiative. When the counselor teaches him how to be spontaneous and create a fun environment, you’ll enjoy him better because you won’t know where it’s coming from
    See knowing everything and planing everything can get boring to some people
    Third, re sex, because he’s willing but doesn’t initiate, go ahead and initiate for now with no complaints. I say this because complaining is creating a vicious cycle. He lacks initiative, so you complain as you have a right to but then that affects his confidence and makes him lack initiative some more. So ease off a bit
    Lastly u go for your own separate counseling.
    You could also agree with him to do certain assignments
    Like Thursday for the next 4 weeks, he’s expected to do something sexual in bed with you and to be the one that initiated it.
    You can actually enjoy being with a man that prefers to follow instead of lead. Don’t subscribe to the whole a man must lead idea. It’s just not true for all.

    ReplyDelete
  15. My dear you are already married to him, give him time OK. You can't change him, God can so start a Thanksgiving prayer, start thanking God that he can do all you want, don't give up don't complain, and watch him change!!! But you have got a good man out there with you. Cherish it. Please pray for yourself too , that God will help you see less of his faults. You will be alright with time my dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She can divorce him
      Marriage is not by force

      Delete
    2. 16;34 everything is divorce in your narrow minds taaaa

      Delete
    3. Many have gone on to live better lives after divorce
      You have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them cards. You don’t always have to fix a mistake. Sometimes acknowledge it and move on. A guy in a similar situation was just playing along and waiting things out. Is his paperwork complete. Are u sure he’s not locking up to avoid another kid so he can leave without too much baggage.

      Delete
  16. You wanted to be 'married' by all means and thought 'things would work out.' How can a man not meet and fuck me intellectually first before going to 'heaven', how? You can't tickle my brain, I can't be with you. That is where it starts for me and I hold that dearly even before asking about your religious and any other orientation. Then I need to know how clean you are because I can't stand any atom of dirt, help any 'boy' pick dirty stockings or smelly boxers in the name of 'love' talk more of washing because my hands are fragile and if I soak hands in water too long it peels so he should be able to afford a maid and washing machine; how playful and the kind of jokes/play etc to start with, before I even consider 'cloud 9' issues.

    Dating and courtship is not for 'sex', it's for studying each other because of the different backgrounds and family upbringing even if both are from same village. Have you found out how he was raised?; What drives him: his friends; his kind of woman etc.
    Know what you want before enslaving anybody to marriage just to because you are physically mature to have sex or financially buoyant.

    I doubt if a full fledged adult can truly 'change' although people can masterfully pretend so everyone can be happy. Marriage should bring joy and the best out of each other no matter how long it takes to find that compatible one. Stella, over to you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. That is why you have Reverend Fathers , all men are not wired for marriage, but arguments will not allow Nigerians.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are the kind of foolish woman people talk about. Yes he is too laid back. Yes he is not a manly man. But he is hard working, kind, a good provider, egoless, willing to be taught with more importantly a teachable spirit. You need to grow up and suspend your ideas of perfection in a mate. First bridle your tongue! Enough of reporting him to all and sundry. I sense you lack respect for him. Accept him TOTALLY and watch him grow! And yes make the first move when it comes to sex. This is actually power if used right. If you taught him how to gbensh, then you can teach him what YOU like but you are too dumb to see what you have. He has spent most of his life being the way he is. Don't expect change overnight.

    ReplyDelete
  19. All this people that will be ranting walk away,na song...mtheeeew,poster u have a good man,u can't have it all, God knows ur d only one that can bear d pains in d shoe while its hurts that's why he brought u,pls bear wt him n keep telling God abt it n love him like that,I believe ur love will reflect a change by God's grace.... I know it won't be easy for u,BT u will be able through Christ that will strengthens u.E-hugs

    ReplyDelete
  20. He might like you, but might not necessarily be in love with you , or be attracted to you. Or He might just not be someone who loves sex. Even the most naive man on PLANET, will make a move on a woman he loves.


    I think your husband is just playing dumb.

    When a man loves you, he usually can't keep his hands off you. This your man no follow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You think everyone knows how to show or express love?

      Delete
    2. Abi ooo. Wait until you see him with the person he is truly burning for. That's when you will know what's up. What kind of yeye follow come is this one?
      I have met an extremely boring guy like really "vapid", but he couldn't keep his hands to himself when we were together.

      You better investigate that husband of yours. Either he is not into you or he is hiding something. A lot of boring men like that aren't boring in bed, only in conversations, joor!!
      How are we even sure his story about the lady who forced himself on him is true? Have you tried to figure out why his ex girlfriend suddenly left him with no explanation? What happened?

      Delete
  21. That's his nature, I think it will be a little difficult to change at a snap of a finger.
    while not keep initiating the conversation, s*x,whatsoever it is that makes you happy.
    Good thing you said he likes it when you do, at least he wouldn't say you are a talkative or something. Don't leave please make it work

    ReplyDelete
  22. Sweetie, you confuse me. Isn't the "what I want in a guy basics" distilled from what makes you happy? Or are were you going for physical attributes only? What you want in a guy is usually centred around what makes you tick, no? Your mistake was rushing into marriage with a person who barely knew. Arguably, you may never truly know a person but when you spend time with a person, some character flaws come shinning through then you decide whether or not they are deal breakers. It's always wise to form a friendship with your intended before taking it to the next level.

    How do you define love? You say he loves you so much, how exactly do you know that? Darling, Love is expressed through actions. Unless he falls with the autistic spectrum disorder, he shouldn't be that emotionally detached. How can an adult male be too "cool" to hug and kiss his new wife? What you've described is "dull and detached" not "cool". Something seems off because even if a man has never had sex before or if you had to teach him, does not remove from the fact that he has hormones and blood running through his veins, at least ought to have. I don't get the wet blanket attitude, no kissing, no cuddling, no saying "I love you", no bonding... yet you claim he loves you so much? Perhaps there's some telepathic connection you both share that we aren't aware of.

    Honey, real talk? I find stories like yours quite annoying because you rushed in and now what to rush out. All you've accused him of are character/personality related, which you would have noticed if only you took your sweet time. How do you marry a person who can't hold a conversation? Didn't you guys chat, even if it were a 1 month courtship? I'm not one to cry over spilt milk but these issues had to be addressed.

    When it comes to ending a marriage, we normally focus on the physical aspect forgetting that there's also a spiritual aspect which is the bonding of two spirits as one. He hasn't broken any of the bonds of marriage, according to you his only crime is being too cool and boring. You just don't end a barely 2 year old marriage because you've stopped being happy. By all means, do what you must, it's your life after all, you'll be the one to live with the consequences. Clearly you've thought this through. I wish you well in future endeavors.
    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Quiet sweet and sad story o, ma'am I advice you pay attention to deep family issue than shallow or to say personal issues. Enjoy what he has been sharing with you and if you think its not enough try keep stepping up for his inadequacies. That's the koko

    ReplyDelete
  24. I will advice you when I finish writing my new book. Titled "WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT"

    ReplyDelete
  25. My dear, tear down all the expectations you have in your head that a man should be this or that in bed or he should act in certain ways. Follow him as he is. You would find true happiness and he too would find peace. You are meant to complement him and he is also meant to complement you. If you know the right cards to play and when to play them, you will enjoy your marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poster, the man you described there is the type that gives peace of mind. All this attributes you require of him you cant get them instanta. You need to prayerfully work on him. With time you will get results. Don't leave a good man because of all you described out there. The grass is not greener on the other side abi no be here we read a chronicle of a bv that her hubby wanted to drive her insane with sex! Give him time please.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dear Poster, U never took your time to understudy ur hubby, the environment he grew up with didnt match with urs but really if you want to gbadu him, kindly keep taking him out to parties or any event for him to see the better side of life and what he really needs to do. In a nut shell, socialize him both on s3x and otherwise. God bless ur union

    ReplyDelete
  28. Marriage is not something you can take for granted. It's not a machine that will run along predictably and acurately like a clock. You have to keep working, adjusting and changing with the variables. I'm sure he will adjust with tym. It is too early to give up or suggest to divorce. Shalom!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Your husband is gay or asexual. Bug his phone to figure which one abeg!

    ReplyDelete
  30. 70 percent of the advice here says this man is a good man wired differently from your expectations. You mention where he was forced to have sex against his will, don't you think that alone could have affected him. I'm saying this from the point of an abused person. Why don't you try to find out how he has really felt since that incident?
    I was abused as a young teenager but my resentment towards men's behaviour started as a full grown adult. I wish to be married, have kids but I walk out of a relationship when i see traits of my abuser.
    I will advice you talk more rather than being aggressive or show resentment. You may bring out the man hidden inside if he can mentally accept that you are not like that first girl and you can only achieve that by encouraging rather than being angry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also want to add that being married is like an obligation he had to meet but fortunately for him, he met a live wire like you to light him up. Lay down your frustration and try to be a wife and counsellor for him. Women understand and can deal with such people better. If he is able to open up to you about what really goes on inside, you are half way to a successful marriage. Some marriages are also difficult in the beginning but gets better way into it and you need patience to weather that storm before the calm season.

      Delete
  31. Poster, some men are like that, I married one. We courted for years, no sex but mehn he was soo unromantic, couldn't even look me in the eyes lol, but my dear, five years in the marriage, I can tell you my total package as I call him has greatly improved. He talks now, more confident, more romantic, a bit more spontaneous and talks more now too. What I did? I was to him what I wanted him to be to me. I wanted romance, I showed him that. I wanted a gist partner, I became that to him. Do you know he was even shy to show me his dick while naked. Hahahahha. But hey, I go pin am down soteey, I gave his dick a pet name, he was forced to my pussy too. Its one day at a time but I am so glad I did not say no to his proposal. May God help you

    ReplyDelete
  32. If you wanted more compatibility you could have focused on a lot more than the basics. But you see this one you have with you? You will have to hang in there for life. He cannot change. You will enjoy him at old age when your hormones have calmed down and you're seeing your friends who's marriages were not anchored on the basics fall apart. But for now, you will use the spare time to develop yourself and properly nurture your children. I know that is the most matronly advice you have ever heard but that is the truth about such relationships.
    That Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf type of romance is fraught with a lot of dysfunction anyways.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I jus like dis Ajebo confidential.

      Delete
  33. All i typed, wiped off. All i can say is this. Two years is small to know this man. You are so impatient. You think you have been communicating. You need to understand his temparament and yours.
    You need to come down to his level and try talking to him. Never you bring him down when talking it has an everlasting effect. Select topics you both like, something common. Try communicating through Skype everyday. Even if he doesn't contribute. You tell him about your activities and baby. With time he will be eager to contribute too and say his. It's one step at a time. Patience is what you need,if you want this marriage to work. I might be wrong here,you are a sanguine while he is a phleg. You both second dominant temperament might be melancholy , reason why you both want something perfect.

    Find a common ground, learn your weaknesses and strengths. You don't need to divorce, when you haven't started the marriage yet. Distance is also a barrier, find a way to breech it. Communication also a problem, talk everyday even if it is rubbish. Disturb his life with talk. You are a talker so use your strength to build his. Initiating sex is not yet an issue, until you solve the above. Never you put your man down by your words. He has Ego too, even if he doesn't talk. Your husband might seem selfish and stubborn. Until, you are willing to speak his language . You might not do much. He will change but that will take time to adjust.
    Baby girl, let him take the lead. I know, how annoying it is right now. With time, you will be grateful to God for bring him your way. Everything is not rush rush. If you wish life, you die quick. One step at a time. This is the sacrifice you need to pay to guild your man.

    Lastly, NEVER COMPARE YOUR MAN TO ANYONE, ALSO ASK GOD FOR WISDOM.

    You are not alone, in this struggle. We all have our crosses, pick yours and fellow Him.

    ReplyDelete
  34. There is no perfect man anywhere, your hubby is exactly like mine. seriously, they are literally thesame. i wanted to loose it the first few years of marriage, even contemplated cheating (thank God i didn't) but i am so much in a happy place and wont trade him for anything. this type of men give you peace of mind my sister. I make our home lively, he's happy, i am happy and our children are also happy.
    who says its the man that should be the clown of the home. I trouble him whenever i attention and i can see the joy in him. We are over 8 years now and i love him so much now than i ever did.
    Make up your mind and you'll be glad you did.

    ReplyDelete
  35. PLEASE, DO NOT LEAVE THAT MAN. I had a long distance relationship with a man who didn't know how to communicate. He was quiet to the core and our conversations were mere pleasantries. I forced him to learn to talk though, it took some resistance and quarrels I kept on cos, I am this chatty extrovert but, he is an introvert to the core. People didn't really know him and he doesn't have friends. So, he is the type that enjoys his company a lot provided, he has power, internet and his laptop.

    I continued to initiate conversations till he became comfortable enough to be 100% free with me even as his wife oo.. .

    After marriage, we relocated to his base outside Nigeria and he gradually changed cos I didn't give up and want my marriage to work regardless of his temperament or personality.

    Poster, don't give up on him....

    Continue to initiate conversations till he opens up

    Ask him questions about his day and activities... My husband used to call me FBI cos I wanted to know what was happening in his world...

    It takes a whole lot of patience to achieve this.

    Now, my husband chats with me like never before but, he is a a different person outside.

    If you're the live wire of your home, continue cos of the future... So long as he gives you peace, not violent or cheats

    ReplyDelete
  36. From all indications, the guy is cool. Be patient with him and keep working on him. Next time you are together try mixing Aphrodisiac in his tea without his knowledge. Thank me later.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao! Chai ooo beevees.....

      Delete
  37. He is in dire need of good smoke.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Stella what you said up there is wrong though we don’t know the appropriate advice to give. Bcus her marriage is just as if she married a big teddy bear that doesn’t talk and if she needs him to acts she would plug the electric teddy and when she’s tired she would switch it off. That is the height of frustration honestly. She’s married and single at the same time that’s so bad.

    ReplyDelete
  39. You married a gay man sweetie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everything is gay in your one dimensional minds. There are psychological and other medical issues besides gay gay gay. Smh

      Delete
  40. I think your husband might be gay madam. Please do your findings well

    ReplyDelete
  41. Dear poster,

    I laughed all tru reading your story cos I am married to a man like that. Some people are just Naturally too calm for comfort at times. I am the FM radio in my home, I give all d gists and hot topic most times make the decisions at home, but will always respect whatever he is against. It can be overwhelming most time. Please be patient with him and always pray for God to give him the wisdom he needs at all times in life.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dear poster,

    I laughed all tru reading your story cos I am married to a man like that. Some people are just Naturally too calm for comfort at times. I am the FM radio in my home, I give all d gists and hot topic most times make the decisions at home, but will always respect whatever he is against. It can be overwhelming most time. Please be patient with him and always pray for God to give him the wisdom he needs at all times in life.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Please buy him a copy of NO MORE CHRISTIAN NICE GUY. its the story of a Christian guy who was very passive as a result of past abuse and messages by his pastor that Christian men are supposed to be gentle and meek always if they want to please God.
    Eventually he got liberated to the truth that Jesus was r-e-a-l and he encourages all Christian men to follow suit.
    The follow up book MARRIED BUT NOT ENGAGED was written by him and his wife on how his passivity almost destroyed their marriage and how she played a key role in helping him become a much better, and more-alive man
    I recommend both books for you and your husband. There are likely audio versions of the two books on amazon so you can buy and play it like music.
    There is hope!
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete

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