Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Tuesday, June 04, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmm..........







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

THE HUSBAND LIST


Dear Stella,


I'd be glad if you could munch this as a chronicle. I would like to know what you and BVs think of this as you all are my online family.


I'm a lady of 35 years, focused, hardworking and earn my own money. I'm single, never been married and have no kids yet. I really would love to get married and start my own family soon. In the past, I've met people but things couldn't work out; though I always try to make it work. Last year and the year before, I was really desperate to get married but things didn't work out as the person I thought I've found ended up not being someone I would want to do forever with (behaviour wise) so I had to break things off. After that relationship, I told myself I'm done; I'm just going to focus on myself, build my business and by God's grace expand to other countries aside Nigeria.




Few weeks ago, I was minding my business and drinking water when a message popped up in my dm on SM of someone I have never met. I ignored the sender but this person send me back the most polite message ever and admitted he doesn't know me but was going through profiles and came across mine. He said he likes my look and just want to be friends. I replied with thank you and that's how a conversation started between us. We kept chatting on S.M for weeks without exchanging contacts. I got to know he's in the force, 2 years older than I am, never been married but has a child. He proposed a date in the 3rd week and we met and had lunch and talked more. He made me speak to some of his family on phone that same day and trust me, I wasn't so comfortable with that part but I just played along. Apparently he had told them about me. Now he's asked me out but I had to turned him down.



Reasons being that, I found out he's really of a junior rank in the force, though he has served for more than 13 years. This tells me, he's not focused enough that's why he's not getting promotions but according to him it's all because of work politics. To be fair to him, he's taking a course and looking at leaving the force and working for international institutions which he has applied for.



About 3 or more years ago, I made a list of what I want in a man. This morning I was listening to a program and the presenter was talking about how theres no already made men and you just have to see certain key things and build on it. I felt like, could this be a secret message to me. This guy aside the above issue about his job which makes him earn really low, I feel truly has a great personality though a bit country (which can be work on as I feel he's down to earth and really ready to learn). Oh I forgot to say, during our conversations, I found out his father is a brother to my stepmother( the woman and my dad were never married. They just had a child).


Am I making a right decision to let him go because he doesn't earn enough? Truthfully the way I see things, as a guy at that age, you should already have certain things going for you. He doesn't have a car of his own but he's built a house. I've never seen the house he told me through our numerous conversations on phone.

Should I keep to my decision and forget this nagging thought I have since listening to that program this morning.

What if he doesn't get a better paying job? Please no insults.

140 comments:



  1. His father is a brother to your step mother?

    I will be back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster how are you ignoring the blood affiliation or its not a big deal where you're from? Its a good decision you allowed him go not cos he's not earning enough but cos you can't be bothering your head about the family ties you guys already have.

      Delete
    2. Men marry for various reasons

      Men also marry for money

      So a profile on social media attracted this guy to you?

      Do you look like Kim kardashian...why did he suddenly stop at your profile?

      He is related to your step mother and you think he suddenly stumbled on your social media profile? really hun? really?

      So he has a house you've never seen which he built from foundation to lintel to roofing stage...screeded and furnished with a low PAYING NIGERIAN SECURITY JOB?

      YOU'VE NEVER SEEN the house but you belive him ^round of applause*

      You own a business that you plan to make a multinational business and expand to other countries while....he is applying for employment in multinationals???

      you want the truth...you've been profiled....fucking profiled.

      profiled for a relationship. ..you think you are old...I married at 38! STOP THIS MIND SET BEFORE I SLAP ALL YOUR TEETH OUT.

      cool down and choose a man you've got financial power...act laise afaire and get someone within your financial class

      Marrying down for a lady doesn't end in praise

      Delete
    3. Anon 16:15 1000 kisses and gbosas to you!! Your last paragraph is spot on!! It Only clear in their eyes when the did has been done and reality set in! Poster is just being blinded by desperation! Interpreting any information she hears as Message being passed to her! If you didn't marry at age 18, 25, 30, then kindly do yourself a favour by avoiding regrets and nonsense already. That was how one lady jumped into marrying a man lower than her standard in all ramifications because of I am 35 and getting old. Guess what, she is now divorced before 38, with a 2 years old daughter, emotionally and psychologically damaged! She suddenly realised 35 was not old, that she messed up and shortchanged herself. Better borrow yourself brain and blank out that dude sharperly! !

      Delete
    4. the fact that he gave you phone to talk to his family members means he's a scam artist. he's looking for someone to upgrade him. all that hot love and ready to settle down is just part of the scam abeg. that's not to say you shouldn't proceed but do it with your eyes open, it's possible you also want to use him to have children. there's nothing I detest more than a man having less than me and coming with dependents, indirectly you will also upgrade his dependents, is it worth it?

      Delete
    5. My sister shine your eyes ooo.. dnt give him your moni

      Delete
    6. where is Linda Eze when you need her?

      Delete
    7. I'm the poster. @ Kiki, I'm not ignoring the relation, that's why I mentioned it.

      @ anon 16:15 thanks so much for this, you give me hope.


      Thanks Stella for posting. I'm truly grateful for all the advices. I actually sent this in few days ago but right now, I have decided to stick to my decision, I equally have a strong feeling this man might have known me but I don't. We are still friends though and he checks up on me often. As we continue to talk I dont really like his way of reasoning.

      Delete
    8. Which blood ties are you on about?

      Delete
    9. 16:15 If only we had more women in Nigeria who reason like you. Sending sloppy kisses your way. Don’t worry, my mouth hygiene is second to none.
      Dear poster, I hope you truly listen. Whether we like it or not, not everybody will marry but if you desire it calm down and don’t be a desperado. It would happen at the right time. That guy and his people hmmm..... be careful!

      Delete
    10. sounds like he is in the armed forces. in the other ranks. they don't make much but they can make money through euro wuru, na wetin you want?

      Other ranks dey think like other ranks too. you don't sound like you would have a lot in common but you could give it a try. Don't do anything I wouldn't do

      Delete
    11. All i have to say is hope u guys have checked ur genotype

      Delete
  2. In my opinion, letting him go just because he doesn't earn enough sounds childish. Get to know him better, not under the sheets oh, cos that would becloud your judgements. His values, is he god fearing, is he man enough to build a home with you? Also be careful not to be scammed. Sorry I had to chip that in, na naija we dey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. Don't just let go of him because of the size of his pocket. From your write-up, he has prospect and is working towards something better. Some folks cash out early in life, while others are not so lucky, don't judge him cos of his age... I think you should give him a chance if that's your only issue with him..

      But, shine ya eyes!! With a lot of gold diggers on the loose, you gat to shine ya eyes..

      Delete
    2. I don’t know about this man but there are social media scavengers, they go through their friends’ friends list or who you may know pop up, check out the pictures and updates and if the person looks like someone balling, they add the person and start dm chatting the person. Many young ladies do that so I’m sure guys do too.

      The bank I worked before, the cleaner, a very young lady does that a lot. One day a friend of mine told me that a colleague of mine sent a request on Facebook to him and he accepted and that she’s really chatting him up in FB messenger, I checked and saw it was the cleaner and also saw that she now has most of his abroad friends as mutual friends.

      The hustle is real, who knows maybe if she keeps chatting many of them, one might fall. So poster be very careful and investigate well.

      Delete
  3. lemme jst read comments, woman and man matter na serious matter... but i will advise you follow your heart

    ReplyDelete
  4. Were you friends on social media before he messaged you? How did he know to just message you out of the blue? All I’d ask you is to pray and think about it very well.

    His affiliation to your step mother is somehow. What if he was sent to come get you to marry him and all those Nollywood kind of things. You have waited so long to make the right choice, do not relent and end up making a mistake that you have tried so hard to avoid. Allow him get his finances together, if you weren’t earning your own money I don’t think he’d seek you out. You’re not bob the builder dear, presenters and motivational speakers just say a lot of crap. What is your gut feeling telling you? Does he know you know he is related to your step mother? Please raise every issue with him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Doppelganger. No we weren't friends on social media, we just have a friend in common. I'm sticking to my decision of not dating him, I don't think it's in my place or right for me to try and change a man. The family ties also worries me moreover my instincts tells me something isn't right.

      Delete
    2. Exactly,if the gut feeling is right she won't be here!
      Take things really slow,don't commit yourself yet

      Delete
    3. I always look out for your comments,more oil to your head

      Delete
    4. Poster, I wish you the best and may things work out for you to your hearts desire eventually.

      Delete
    5. If your gut is telling you something pls take it serious and take it as a sign. You should have peace with whoever you are going to settle with. If your spirit is telling you something take it.
      I married late too at 37 and trust me I didn't drop my standards. Didn't care anyone calling me gwegs.
      I hooked up with a former school mate. Though he was based outside Nigeria we made it work. He fit the list of everything I had asked for. Before then another guy had been pressuring me for marriage that I almost said yes because of my age. But I never felt peace with him. Number one he was a very heavy drinker and chain smoker and can have a temper,dou never with me. I didn't just see him as someone that will be a responsible father to my kids,he was doing well and people were telling me to just ignore my fears and marry him. But after I heard many things abt him. And even though he was so desperate to marry me,i didn't just have peace.
      You will meet someone else. Don't short change yourself if you feel no peace. You could also give it time and study him though to make a final decision.
      But madam do not give him your money I beg you. There are many men that see women in their 30s and 40s that are doing well and single. They prey on their desperation to marry and dupe them.

      Delete
    6. You didn't marry late at 37, you married at the RIGHT TIME for YOU. The journey is not to the swift. Society has its timing, God has His. It's only the latter that matters.

      Delete
  5. Money is not everything dear...
    Does he makes u happy?
    Is he God fearing???
    Is he focus???
    Is he nice?
    Will u find joy with him???
    Is he truthful???
    Is he a cheat?..etc


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This time and era it is oooo Mrs Sharon...the rate at wish ladies add that to their CV when looking for a man is alarming...lol.

      Delete
    2. Mrs. Sharon, thanks for the advise, I'm the poster.

      Delete
  6. Well I feel your spirit is not just struggling with his finances alone.i feel your spirit is having a red flag you are yet to see.my advice is to date him for a lil while.it is too early to judge and conclude.i think you should be patient with him and see if there are green or red more flags.remeber in marriage u will never get 50 %of what you are looking for.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In marriage if u dont get up to 50% of what ur looking for,then don't venture in it.Its surpose to be 50/50 or 70 /30 .more from the man then u can enjoy ur marriage.

      Delete
    2. I am with u... madam dnt just jump and marry any guy becos u wanna bear MRS.. it will be bad after waiting for too long u end up with bag of rubbish. A man with focus is all am seeing.

      Delete
    3. Tenth, you are right and I've decided to let him go because as we continue talking and he keeps insisting we should date, I figured out there's more than just his financial status that I disagree with.

      Delete
    4. His next line of action is to try to get you to commit yourself. By getting you pregnant or borrowing money from you.

      Delete
  7. Oh honey. I feel like hugging you right now cos i ve been there. Date him and see how it will work out. I know what u want to do is rush and get married and then build on it but no. date him if in 6 months he is yet to make the changes then u can let go. remember u cant change somebdoy else. The chnange only comes from the person

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I can feel the hug. Thanks for being so kind and thoughtful with your words. It's not really a pleasant feeling when your younger ones are married and you the only one left but God will fo it at the right time.

      I'm the poster.

      Delete
    2. Poster don't rush. You'll just end up married and regretful. Or divorced and even older than the old you think you are now.

      Delete
  8. Madam, u never see husband o. This one na scammer o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly my thought. She kinda feels same way too hence the reason why she is bothered.

      Delete
    2. Exactly... scammers everywhere. Shine your eyes ooo.

      Delete
    3. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ I laughed so hard when I read this. Thanks for confirming I'm not being paranoid, I appreciate.

      Delete
  9. you cant take an old dog new trick. Guy is not going to change and if he is almost 40 and he is satisfied with where he is abeg let him be

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This "you can’t teach an old dog a new trick" is flawed abeg! I beg to disagree. Have you seen a military dog, those highly intelligent dogs trained by highly intelligent humans too. Those dogs can do anything they are taught and at any stage in their lives. Those dogs used in specialized and highly organized ops by secret services and SEALs. Those dogs can learn any trick even in old age.

      Delete
    2. Yes Pretty Rosie, I agree with you. An old dog can be taught new tricks but they must be willing to learn.

      Delete
    3. The expression actually means that an old dog already knows all the tricks.

      Delete
    4. Adabekee


      Willingness to learn
      Listening ear
      Humility to take correction
      That's the koko

      Delete
  10. I am not just comfortable with the fact that he is related to your stepmother. Just follow your heart. You know what you desire.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Junior rank in the forces? Spoke with his people on phone? a bit country? madam, face front you never reach your bus stop before you end up been another Tiwa (tying scarf on your head answering questions)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lols at tying scarf n answering questions ... Sylvia u no well o.

      So poster u want to Mary ur step mom’s relative? I won’t dare! E be like u no want d progress of that your multinational business... lols

      Delete
  12. That guys knows you. He knows everything about you. He knows that you have funds. He knows you are dying to get married.
    They have your file.
    That guy and his sister go barb your hair.
    They have seen a cash cow to milk.
    BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜šyou have sense.

      Delete
    2. Dem don sit down plan her well. Shine ur eyes poster. Don’t even think about him being nice etal because he’ll act it and enter ur purse from there. Be wise pls. “All man no be man”

      Delete
    3. Sis my ex and family planned my ambush. They knew me I didn't know them. His sister was my cousin's friend. They got him one year accommodation. Loaned him a car. Set up pretend business with bank account with borrowed funds. All so he could look responsible. We dated and throughout the family especially his mother played their drama for me like a nollywood script. This man tried and tried to get me pregnant. Even his mother was taking me all sorts of places to open my womb. Before marriage!!! Unknown to them I was chopping contraceptive pills. Eventually we married and the movie ended. Suddenly the real owners of the car and bank account came calling. This man and his family now started quoting bible that a woman maintains or destroys her home. So I should maintain the home. By now the rent on the accommodation that I discovered his brother rented as part of the plot was up. So his mother was suggesting that I should rent a place near their family home. So now he's an ex.

      Delete
  13. Sis, I get why you are skeptical but don't be short sighted. I do think it's important to find a man that can support himself, with extra for you but the man you described up there is a work in progress..meaning, he has set goals and is working towards them and I support that.

    I know most ladies think that if a guy isn't well on his way to reaching his potential by late 20/early 30, chances are he won't get there unless by extraordinary circumstances. But I believe that there can be room if the man has potential. KEYWORD - Potential.

    You both can grow and build together if you give him a chance and he might just be on his way to bigger and better things. Goodluck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minus issue matter....the man is an uncle to her half sibling....reason that part...

      If it were only finance issue..I would have said he is a work in progress too and yes..work politics can affect climbing ..in ranks sometimes..

      But marrying the uncle to a half sibling get as e be.

      Delete
    2. No chance for this one o, the guy na one chance, scammer oshi.

      Delete
    3. 13 years in the same position? The man is not ambitious. He sound lowly. The poster wants to go places and dude sounds like a Bush man. And she's clearly being set up by her stepmom.

      Delete
  14. Yeah I agree with some bvs...date him more dear!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Please let him go if you're not comfortable with his finances. I walked into a relationship with my eyes wide open knowing this guy is coming from a humble place. Hoping he'll get better and work hard. Turned out uncle don't want to ne netter, he wanted a woman who will pick up bills whike he fafs around. Follow your mind please...yours will come.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like my ex hubby. Lazy thing.

      Delete
  16. Hmmmm a lot of people here may tell you money is not everything ( true) but you’ll also find love is not in marriage if your partner is not capable of taking care of the home front financially. You are the one dealing with this guy so you should know him better and if you can cope with his status! Date for awhile, put it in prayers and see how things go.
    Men will also be quick to introduce a lady to their family and even suggest marriage once she is successful. Watch and pray

    ReplyDelete
  17. This man came out of nowhere and messaged you?
    You have never met him, how did he single you out on SM?the fact he’s related to your mum makes him suspicious.
    If you don’t love him, don’t force it. Don’t use his fiancรฉ as an excuse to not date him.
    From the way you sound, he’s clearly not in your league.
    Don’t let desperation make you settle for something you know you can’t handle.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh how I miss dating in your 20's!! Na the men go dey rush you to marry while you tell them to take it slow. But once you get into your 30's,every hello, you start thinking of marriage. It seems as though it's something you must do and get out of the way! Everyone starts praying for you to marry! Plus biological clock ticking you can hear it loud every morning.

    Poster pls, date this man for some months. Time usually reveals all things. Also him being your step uncles son, what a coincidence! Like I said a little time would tell. You have waited long enough to make a big mistake. Take care

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell that to those who married in their 20s and divorced by 30s. Every person's time is different. Walk your own path.

      Delete
  19. I have a bad feeling about this...I think there are many scammers out there that lure unsuspecting women. Some conversations are more calculative than you think.
    Pls don't be hasty in making these decisions. Trust me, when the right one comes along its gonna feel right. Those things that don't add up-red flags. I see you creating excuses for the shortfalls. Sis! You're gonna be doing that forever. I wish you'd let him be but that's just me. Think and think again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Story for another day.. some even give them ring self. Scammers..I was almost scam too

      Delete
    2. They go as far as getting married to their victims sef
      I know someone that has gone for a fake marriage
      The day he was gisting me, my mouth just hang

      Delete
  20. Dont be in a haste. Take your time to know him.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Good you made a list for yourself. What is God list for you. Get an open mind but I am not telling you to have him. He is not up to your standard, leave him

    He was sent by your step mum

    ReplyDelete
  22. He made you speak to his family members on y'all first date?? Girl, that's a red flag! I personally will run after that. It would freak me out. You think you're desperate but this guy is the real Desperado. High chances are that those people you talked to were arranged and not his family members. And I doubt there's any house anywhere, kinda weird building a house and not having a car (even if it's Peugot) to ease movement. He may be trying to get you to SUDDENLY commit and take him serious as opposed to the normal getting to know each other gradually. Seems to me like a scammer. Serial scammer on the look out for rich babes that are desperate for marriage. I maybe wrong though!. But I say, you calm down, if you really like him though, tell him you want to take things slowww and get to know each other. Or just move on, live your life , be truly HAPPY, happiness is very attractive and people can see it on you from afar. Love and all things good will come eventually. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chile, what's wrong with having a house and not having a car? Do you know how manage? ๐Ÿ˜•

      I'm even impressed that he got his priorities straight if he truly owns a house.

      Delete
    2. Since he doesn’t really have the money, building a house first is better than buying a car because the house is an asset while a car becomes a liability once you buy it because the value depreciates.

      So like Perxian said, if truly he owns a house then he indeed got his priorities right and should not be discarded easily. A man who knows how to arrange his priorities is indeed a man of value.

      Most things we feel that it’s the physical money that makes us rich like how much salary one earns but in truth, great wealth is gotten from acquiring more of assets and in turn making those assets work for you.

      Delete
    3. Persian keep quiet.. this guy look like a scammer

      Delete
    4. 18:01 You keep quiet, rude cunt.

      Delete
    5. It's not normal to own an actual house and not a car. In Nigeria? Mba

      Delete
  23. "Though a bit country" shaaaade madam. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.

    OK let's be serious now, the way you're feeling about this dude is the same way I'm feeling as I read on. Something is not right. Don't relax too soon, be very alert and watch him. You'll get your answer if you're vigilant and smart enough. #peace.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sorry poster, I do not trust this guy! He didn't just found your profile on social media, he was specifically sent to you by someone who knows you.

    The red flag you have now of him, is not just about his low pay job but, because your spirit is not in agreement with his spirit.

    I would advise you date him for a while and make sure you go see the house he's claiming to have. Do not fall for a scammer, there are many of them around nowadays.

    Just make sure you do a thorough finding and do not judge anything with emotions or sentiment.
    Pray and pray for that is very important. You have waited this long, make sure you go for the best that you deserve.

    Goodluck.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This dude knows about you! He might not be sent but he definitely isn’t entirely new to you.

    I’d advise you date him all the way but until his financial status improves, don’t marry him. If someone better comes along the way, go for the person unless his financial status change. Don’t let people trick you that finance is not important o. It is very important. Even me that I am a guy won’t date/marry a broke woman. If you are not earning enough to be on your own, it means you don’t have good value for me. What if I die, my children will now suffer because life isn’t fair to you or because of politics. Finance is very important o.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Note that people will say that you are being choosy. He too is being choosy. Some women can kill for that military preeq. You sef reason am. He did not toast aunty Biliki that sells agbo down his street. He didn't toast mama Chika that makes his daughter's hair. He by passed all these available women, rejected their advances and went for you. Everyone is choosy.

    Who is a financially ready groom?

    A financially ready man is one that can:
    1. Make money legally
    2. Knows how to keep it. Making money is different from keeping it.
    3. Has Enough money to support a family of 4 (including himself) for the next 6 months, if let's say he loses his job.
    5. Does not have weird spending flamboyant money habits and is not a into gambling or compulsive sports betting.
    6. Knows how to give money. To you, his friends and his relatives. (And how much to give)
    7. Knows how to ask for money. From you, his friends and his relatives. And how to return it.
    A motor mechanic or CBN director or an Indimi can pass all of these tests.

    Conclusion: invest 3 months doing an in depth analysis of his character. Investigate him to his home town, his baby mama, his assets and to his work station. There are people who specialise in this.
    Allow him to ask you for money and see when he will return it. See if he offers to fuel your car occassionally. Or even 1k recharge card every other week. During this 3 month period, you must physically meet his parents and ALL his surviving siblings and their spouses. Look out for old family pictures and albums of when they were younger.
    Wake up at night to pray. You can fast too for a period of 7 days. He might turn out to be the man of your dreams or your worst nightmare.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very solid advice,poster follow it well.



      Biggest bank in Nigeria staff, by God's grace.

      Delete
  27. This is exactly why you are not married at 35!
    A lot of your kind is here and will soon be chanting
    "don not, don't enter into poverty etc." But you are
    the one that knows that you've driven all the good suitors
    God brought your way and you are sulking!
    When are we ladies going to look beyond material things to character,
    faith, vision, wisdom etc. These things are not visible but they are
    the things that last; they are the things that keep one happy in a
    marriage. Wealth grow wings and vanish but Love and goodness of character
    do not! Above all seek God in prayer/fasting and know if this man is he. Be wise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for speaking the truth!
      Dear poster,have you ever done consultations about yourself?
      You better sit up and stop allowing your village people to manipulate you.Else,you go regret am o.
      Awon Eleye on this blog would advise you to dump this young man but they would do the opposite.Good luck.

      Delete
    2. When are we ladies going to look beyond material things to character? Like really? You type like a man though...a broke man for that matter๐Ÿ™„

      Delete
    3. @16:29

      Anyone that tells ladies the truth on this blog is automatically a man.
      At least I am not the one that is 35 and writing a chronicle; am I?

      Delete
    4. says pinky the runs girl who started runsing at 20

      Delete
    5. She may not be married cause she may appear choosy...but in this issue ..being choosy is of help...dafuq... the man is the uncle to her half sibling...

      Delete
    6. Even men are extremely choosy. Why did he come for her specifically out of all the other ladies in his area. There are so many ladies who won't complain and excitedly jump at him with his financial level because he is above their league. But no...he searched and got attracted to a big babe he saw online. If you women like don't be choosy you hear? Accept anything, don't set a standard for yourself in all areas of life.
      Do you think if she was a hardworking girl doing petty trade he would have appreciated and approached her? but men nowadays are over reaching.

      It's my choosiness that saved my life today. A guy was trying to force marriage on me at 24. I told him no because that was not who I envisioned spending my life with. Everything about him was below par. I didn't have a job and I wasn't where I wanted to be in life. I just want fulfilled and the last thing I wanted then was a husband.


      He had to nerve to tell me when I get to 30 No man would marry me because at that age I would be meeting gold diggers only because of what I would have achieved. I told him back to the sender. I got married in my 30s with my eyes wide opened, I had a standard for myself, kids and life. Well I got married to the best man. He has a strong financial background on his own, no babymama drama, Godly and handsome and also classy from an upper-class family. He didnt tick 100% of what I wanted but he had 80 and I am blessed girls! Ladies see me and think this just fell on my laps..but no I just happened to open my eyes and chose well. You all please do same.

      Black women always told to look at potentials of the man and struggle with black men but women of other races has standard which these men would readily bow to.

      Poster build your business to that international level and open your eyes while at it. Your husband may not even be in Nigeria after all.

      Delete
    7. @anon 18.29...that's how my ex told me if I want a man that wont cheat I should better check abroad that he is a guy man.. I answer yes sir...point taken..true true. I check abroad my husband was there too. Lol

      Delete
    8. @16:15,I started doing runs at 10,can you beat that?

      Delete
    9. Anon 19.12 you see. God is pushing her to where her husband is but she doesn't even know it yet. My hubby isn't in Nigeria nor is he a Nigerian. If I had gotten married in my 20s I would have hated myself. I thank God everyday he gave me patience to wait and know my worth. I look at hubby everyday and say "no wonder God kept me single for a while" like SEE HUSBAND๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ˜

      This poster has a lot of good qualities that a man worthy of her would appreciate. It's an insult for someone like herself to settle. With the way she is building herself up along the line she would meet her type of man if only she is patient๐Ÿ˜ฉ.

      Delete
    10. 19:43 awwww that is so sweet, happy for you.

      Pinklady abeg carry your jazz self out of here

      Delete
  28. Something is not right here hun. Something is not just right.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Sweetheart, I too recommend that ladies should have a list of the qualities they want in a husband. Don't lower your standard but be sure the qualities listed are realistic and make sure you have complementary qualities as well. Now this is my personal opinion, anything from 7 out of 10 is ideal, 6 out of 10 is pushing it. I have noticed that a lot of ladies don't know what or whom they want. They just agree to date any guy who asks them out and they end up disappointed and hurt. The list helps to keep you focused on the kind of man you want.

    I know you already feel pressured to settle down and start a family but contrary to popular belief, the older you get, the more selective you should be because unlike younger ladies who have the privilege of ending a bad marriage and getting remarried, most older ladies marrying for the first time, tend to "endure" bad marriages for fear of societal judgment. Secondly, you've taken your time to wait for the right man, wouldn't it be a calamity to end up with the wrong dude? So darling, no such thing as "managing" a man who scores low on your list because you will be frustrated sooner than you imagined.

    Judging a man as not focused because he holds a junior rank after 13 years, is wrong and presumptuous. However, financial stability is very important for a marriage to work. My personal preference, marry a man who can take care of you and himself. If I want to be generous, I would say either he earns as much as you do or he earns more. If you marry a man who earns less and for whatever reason he can't pull his weight as the man of the house, you will start resenting and disrespecting him. There are women who earn more and are still submissive but they are few and far between. From your mindset, the way you feel a man of a particular age should have certain things, nothing wrong with that by the way, I don't think you will respect a man who isn't a provider. Just because there are no readymade men doesn't mean you should settle for a guy who isn't impressive. There are no readymade men but ladies are still marrying the men of their dreams. He can't be perfect but he can be a perfect fit for you.

    I will advise you to keep your options open and remain friendly with him. Be straight with him, let him know you just want to be friends for now. If you start dating and planning your future with him, what happens when the guy you desire suddenly shows up? You will end up breaking the first guy's heart. The right guy for you will come if you believe you are worth it. If you are scared of the unknown, you will end up with the wrong partner. Positive thinking and prayer, you can't go wrong with them. I wish you the very best.
    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ronalda....#apt...you forgot to mention he is the uncle to her half sibling.

      Poster is that on your list too?

      Delete
    2. Orela sweetie, I disregarded that info because she said her dad and the lady in question were never married but they have a child together. The issue of consanguinity doesn't arise. It's still hella weird though.

      Delete
    3. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

      Delete
    4. It's not consanguinity nor incest...but it doesn't sound nice to the ears. I will rather she let's him be..

      Delete
    5. Hey! Look who decided to come out to play. Iphie precious, was wondering why I've never bumped into you here. How are you doing my love? e-bearhugs and lots of kisses

      Delete
    6. Ranalda I miss your comments . Where have you been?

      Chinwe Uba

      Delete
    7. Rolanda and iphie ,love you guys a lot.

      Delete
    8. Chinwe darling, I've been around. I try to be regular, at least on the chronicles thread, but real life gets busy most times.

      @anonymous 00:15, thanks honey, I appreciate the compliment.

      Delete
  30. Poster try and see the house he told you that he built, never assume nothing. For earning little t all depends n what you want, you cannot et a complete package in a man or woman, you need to check and tick the most important ones first before making our final decision.

    You are the one e that will live in the same house with his man, can you re

    ReplyDelete
  31. You have waited this long to make a good choice ,don’t get me wrong, not saying there is a perfect guy, but i feel your spirit is suspecting something about the guy. I will suggest you don’t date him yet. Just be a good friend to him and discover more about him.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Respect him with that small salary r you will disrespect him cos you earn more than him? The Choice is yours.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Babygirl, don't settle...

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hmmmmm! I'm not always comfortable doing this talking to family things on the first day but it do works for people. My 1 cent will be, try and give him some space to get to know more of him. I don't think his rank or how much he earns is not enough for you to let him go. Even though nobody wan die but they wan go heaven ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹

    ReplyDelete
  35. Poster this your chronicle is in two ways.

    1,He might actually be real and he is just trying to be honest with you telling you everything about himself.

    2,He might also know you loaded and trying to play smart to be humble and down to earth for what he is about to gain from you.

    But my question to you is this what do you really think of him?forget the job aspect...are you always happy around him,do you think you feel safe.
    I would have love you to do some thorough background check on him before you make a conclusion..
    Take your time even while with him make sure you are running the background check without him noticing.

    Try not to rush into it but be smart about it.
    Try not to show you are in love but play it safe.
    Try not to show you care too much thereby giving out money to him but be intelligent on how to go about it.

    I hope this helps poster.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Replies
    1. I concur!

      Delete
    2. I did not read to the end of the chronicles because I don’t like the mix of: Force guy + baby daddy + junior rank. If you settle for less, you will get less than what you settled for. This should be discussed at management level( the baggage is stylishly much).

      Delete
  37. “He made me speak to some of his family on phone that same day and trust me, I wasn't so comfortable with that part but I just played along. Apparently he had told them about me”
    This line in particular issa no no. How sure are you he told them about you, more like they told him about you. How would someone even make you converse with his family members on the 3rd week and first date of chatting you up? That guy is definitely more desperate than you sef.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 419 format scammer oshi.
      speak to which family?

      Delete
    2. Yep!!!! Babes just be watching him with side eyes...



      Biggest bank in Nigeria staff by God's grace...

      Delete
    3. That is exactly how 419 guys operate. We have read so many times on this blog how they hire old mamas to pose as their fake relatives. This is an inside job and they will do a number on you. By the time they finish, you will be left broke, busted and disgusted with 2 or 3 kids. You have been warned.

      Delete
    4. Oil dey your head.

      Delete
  38. This is a risk; you have to take a decision on whether to stick with him or leave.
    My view is this, things can go from 100 to zero when people are not pulling their weight in a marriage. By weight I mean fulfilling the basic expectations your partner may have of you. For you the wife, you will reasonably expect your husband to pull his weight financially so ask yourself- can this man afford the very basic standard of living? Can he foot the bills for this standard without your intervention? If the answer is no, I would suggest you don’t get married to him, he has to find his footing as it’s his responsibility to take care of you and any kids you may have, your earnings will be to HELP him. If the answer is yeah, then move on to consider what prospects he has; is he ambitious, hardworking, humble i.e willing to take on jobs as against being overly choosy so he can earn a living? All these will determine how he reacts to circumstances that may occur in the future.
    Also, do you really have to take the decision now? What if you don’t commit to getting married but still observe him and his moves to getting a better job in the next months so you can take a better decision?
    Truth is he may never get rich! He may never even get to be above average. On the other hand he may get wealthy. My point is you shouldn’t take a decision based on what you think will happen in the future as life may not turn out as expected. Instead use all the information you have at your disposal now to take a decision, and be ready to live with the outcomes.
    I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  39. This guy sure has red flags but they don't have anything to do with him not being focused after 13 years of service. He could have been saying the truth about the promotion thing. People don't often get what they deserve or have worked for in the corporate world. You have judged him already because you are doing better financially, how would you feel if you met a man that assumed you have bad character or something else wrong about you just because you aren't married at 35? Is it your fault? No. But since money is important to you and he doesn't have it maybe you should end the relationship now and continue to wait for a millionaire.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. bia Andrew forget the money part

      isn't it obvious his meeting her is not a coincidence?

      If she were your blood sister wouldn't you advice her to be cautious?

      You no try for that your veiled sacarsm for the last line sha...you no try Sam sam

      Delete
  40. Poster, you have been targeted to be scammed. Listen to your gut that tells you to drop him, that's the Holy Spirit trying to tell you to run, better listen.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I follow Stella blank out.


    On 2nd thoughts, let me borrow you my two cents. You know how it is when ladies see their ideal spec of a husband material? Like he ticks most of the boxes, you know? Yes, it happens to gold digging guys too. This guy sees you as the answer to his prayers. Someone to elevate him. I've been there twice so I know what I'm saying. Unfortunately for them in my own case, all they saw was packaging. All I had to show was the glory of my past sugar daddies. I was broke. Nobody told them before they fled. If truly you're rich and can live up to his expectation(he's gold digging my dear), then go on with all pleasure. He'll most likely stay and marry you. You'll be the bread winner and he'll be a loving husband. Eberybody is happy! Ask Mercy Johnson. And if you add good character to your bottle feeding him, he'll worship the ground you walk on. At least until you catch him. But if you're a scam yourself and you're not exactly as rich as he thinks, don't worry, his eyes go soon clear. He will flee by himself. Just make sure your 'losses' ain't too much.


    Meanwhile, I didn't get the relationship you're trying to describe properly. Weren't you thought family relationships in secondary school? Who is he to you? There must be a simpler definition of your relationship. Anyway, as soon as I read "...had a baby for...", I couldn't read further. Something is wrong with you. Have you ever heard of incest?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ All I had to show was the glory of past sugar daddies

      I hope others will learn...and heed

      Delete
  42. Poster, run!!!! You’ll look back and realize that this is the best decision ever

    Being single at 35 does not mean you should settle

    I’m talking from experience. How I wish I’m still single. I will definitely marry a different man

    He came for your money
    Scam

    If you must stay, investigate him thoroughly and never give him your money

    ReplyDelete
  43. I dated someone that helps yahoo guys get their money from banks
    I can tell that this is a scam. This is exactly how they operate
    Social media. Security agents. Mature rich ladies. Talk to “relatives” prematurely. Bogus dreams. Humble. Caring. Etc

    God is speaking to you better listen
    If you must stick around to see things for yourself, hire an investigator, it will be worth it
    His SM accounts especially where he contacted you, WhatsApp chats, calls should be monitored

    Know his friends, visit his work place, ask questions around his neighborhood, know his family.
    If only I asked questions at my husband’s work place and residence I wouldn’t have married him. Dude had a stinking baby mama drama that everyone knew about and only told me after wedding because he knew that wedding wouldn’t have held if he told me earlier.
    It would’ve been good riddance to bad rubbish just like my ex

    Poster, give it time or leave immediately
    Talk to family and/or friends about this (Not people that are pressuring you to get married o) if you wish

    God please help her not to marry wrong. Help her to enjoy marital bliss
    Amen



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have put into words what happened to me but mine was far more sinister. Poster you have been warned.

      Delete
  44. Run as far as your legs will carry you. It is not a coincidence that he is a brother to your father's mistress!!! They know all about you. I know because I have been there. It is better to be unmarried and at peace than to marry a man who will extort you and damage you emotionally, financially and psychologically. He will so manipulate you and tell everyone how 'disrespectful' and 'proud' you are because you have more money while at the same time sucking you dry. Please ruuuuun!!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Don’t marry him please
    Finance is one of the leading causes of marital disharmony
    It might look trivial now but marriage magnifies faults
    Marry someone you are compatible with financially

    ReplyDelete
  46. Madame, your step mum served you on a platter to him. I suggest you move on before them go carry your head drink garri!!! Being in one position for 13 years speaks OLODO in caplocks. And that line he used weh dey scatter your brain, ( I saw your social media yen yen yen..... na national anthem o) just use your brain ask yourself, am I Beyonce or Genevieve Nnaji??? If you fall for this lowlife, you go still come back here come write stories that the senses. Be wise

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please my step mum is late (may God rest her soul). I'm not ruling out the fact that he might know me though and thanks for the advise.

      Delete
  47. Such a polite poster, see her replies to comments. I pray for grace for you to wait for God's best and it will come sooner than later in Jesus name. Just keep being you, draw close to God, build your relationship with Him, commit your ways to His hand.

    ReplyDelete
  48. God answer prayer talk to him

    ReplyDelete
  49. Whatever you decide to do,don't ever settle.It doesn't end well.Wishing you best of luck

    ReplyDelete
  50. Dear Poster, RUN AWAY FROM HIM...There's no point in sniffing food that u know u won't eat..He could get desperate and this could endanger you, or even go diabolical just to have his way....my sister RUN and cut off all form of communication

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I second the cutting off communication, make your stand clear to him and discourage any checking on you calls, simply stop responding or picking no matter how rude it seems.

      Delete
  51. Dear Poster, RUN AWAY FROM HIM...There's no point in sniffing food that u know u won't eat..He could get desperate and this could endanger you, or even go diabolical just to have his way....my sister RUN and cut off all form of communication

    ReplyDelete
  52. Most men you meet on social media are hunters, he wants you for a reason, have you found out the reason? And I can bet it that the guy is not talking to only you on that social media, he might even be a married man, please, don't end up a baby mama like his first baby mama, why did he not marry his first baby mama did you ask? He has a motive, find out if you have the strength. But I don't see you happy with this man with all the concerns you raised.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Dead Poster,his step aunt isn't ur step mum since ur Dad never married her.She is ur dad's baby mama,mistress or Concubine.That guy is not in ur league...A man at 37 who isn't focused now; when he be?? Don't let desperation make u choose the wrong person.
    U can meet people by socializing more,being more active in church or your community,particular in the next SDK SINGLES N MINGLES,etc

    ReplyDelete

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