Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Questions You MUST Ask Before Marriage

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Sunday, July 28, 2019

Questions You MUST Ask Before Marriage

One of the major problem of most marriages today is the because there was no proper Courtship... Just two strangers living together.....




Been married for a couple of years and these are some of the discussions I had with my hubby before and after wedding.

Please Note..These are discussion questions, It is not just a question and answer question time. You will still need to make reference to them even in the marriage.
Also some questions are a reflection of my faith... Feel free to Jump them...if it doesn't apply to you.




The SPIRITUAL ASPECT



* Discuss each other purpose
* Your dreams
*What are your daily personal devotional practices?
*What would our family devotions look like?
*What is the meaning of headship and submission in the Bible and in our marriage...(this will involve some bible studies. It is important....Very important!!!!!



PERSONAL QUESTIONS


*What makes you happy?
(studying your spouse answers this too, Your partner may not know the answer to this too well)

*What makes you happy
*What makes you angry
*Likes and dislikes
*Family history
*Past relationships history too



S#X 

*What's your basic s#x orientation?
*Are we going to be involved s#xual before marriage or Not
*If No then...What's our boundaries before the marriage.


VIEWS ABOUT MARRIAGE


* What's your view about Marriage?
Are you doing me a favour marrying me..(One day my hubby told me something that struck my heart, I was shaa acting up... He said "Baby you are not more important in this marriage....we are both important)

* What's your take about Divorce? *Hear well oh*
* What's your view about Rape and Abuse? *Ask well*
* What kind of home are you looking forward to having?



OUR FINANCIAL LIFE

* How are we going to manage our money?

* Are we going to pull our resources together???
E.g like having an account for saving...how we are going to save

*Are we going to do Joint account??
*Whats your view about Borrowing? Do you feel comfortable owning people?

*Whats your view about Giving? (Tithe etc)




CHILDREN 

* What does God say about giving us Children....What does He expect from us as He gives them to us

*How many are we going to have?

*Whats your view about Female/male kids?

*What are the appropriate ways to discipline them?




OUR IN-LAWS

 (Reach an agreement ooo)
* How do we handle our parents and siblings?

* How do we give them Financial Aid.

* Do we give according to Need?

* Do we need to agree as a couple before any of them comes to stay over for sometime?

*Can they come and leave as they like?

*How do we handle the information we share with them?



OTHERS 

*Any Medical issues (I had a medical issue, I told my hubby about it and we both sought for solution. It took us some years to have a child but he stood by me. Nobody in his family knows till date)


*What kind of vacations are appropriate and helpful for us?

*What are the criteria for Movies and What will our guidelines be for the kids?

This discussion can take months....As you discuss, More questions will also arise. The aim is to get to know your partner well.


It can even cause some whala for your people oo because you are two different people with different backgrounds BUT There's always a Middle ground for every issue raised.
Don't get married to someone who you can't find that ground with.... It will be a very lonely journey.


Marriage is one of the sweetest creations of God....it is meant to be ENJOYED. 

By SDK Blog Visitor....

69 comments:

  1. Nice one. Let me bookmark mbok.

    Hi Bv Engraced

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Life Life Life
      Sh*t Happens
      Didn’t ask any questions, we didn’t even do genotype tests, he only told me by mouth.
      4years and counting...No BullSh*t Just Bliss

      Would I have asked questions based on what I know now? YES YES YES
      But I didn’t and Nothing Spoil.

      Note: I married straight outta school at 21 to a hunk 10years older. Our Parents paid for their dream wedding cos I wanted something small, they did large.
      Would do my way once we clock 10.
      God be our Help.
      No Format for Life😌

      Delete
    2. Hello PAπŸ˜πŸ™‹

      Delete
    3. HIS VIEWS ON RAPE

      Very important

      mine kept excusing rape and rapists

      until information realized him and his clique of friends were rapists when they were younger


      Snooping helps you understand stuff better

      God may my sons and daughter not bear the scourge of any curse

      Many young men should be scrutinised before your girls are given away in marriage

      Delete
  2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Good news, good yarns. Please I send my
    multiple blessings to this blog visitor.
    A lot of Naija girls will think that I wrote this. I did not write this ma ncha 🀷‍♀️🀷‍♀️
    Sdk is my witness.
    But I don dey yarn this thing tey tey
    for this blog. many of my Naija girls, friends do not prepare for marriage ma ncha. No courtship, na only forkship them dey do -every position, every style, every space -in the toilet, under the kitchen sink, in the car, in the boot, in the bush, on the phone -fork, fork, fork
    and them... Boooom! I do, I do, ...
    2 days, I week, I didn't, I don't, offload, shoot off ... 😯😯😯😯

    Listen all of una. If there is any aspect of my life where God has blessed me and where I think I succeeded, it is in my marriage.
    If you apply in your lives wetin I dey yarn always, just like this
    sisi wrote up there πŸ‘†, you gain, you live happily/joyfully. You live eternally joyfully etc.
    I don yarn finish o.
    Ha ga anukwanu -will they hear. Some of them veterans don already draw them arrows.
    Whosai!
    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're are funny but you say the obvious truth but this things are not easy to do

      The most Complex

      Delete
    2. Shut the hell up.

      Naija girls do not prepare and do not yen yen yen, what of Naija guys? Why not advise both gender? Always yarning dust feeling like someone that is making sense.

      Both parties should ask questions before marriage and seek God's face. Even at that, it is no guarantee, God help us.

      Marriage is likely to work when both parties put in efforts, not 1 person, it takes 2.

      Delete
    3. *yimu*
      Do you think that having these discussions or asking certain questions before and after marriage can prevent a divorce?
      There's no manual for marriage so I would advise intending couples to do whatever works for them.
      I didn't ask or discuss certain issues with my hubby before we got married,I just watched and studied him and I knew he was exactly what I needed!
      madam fork,calm down and stop fighting with yourself all the time!

      Delete
    4. I forgot to say God bless the author of that piece. It can't be Ang, she no get sense reach that level.
      Her preaching is always one sided.

      Delete
    5. @This complex human being
      So which is the easier one; write chronicles, like the one we read today?
      (We go dey read na -na wetin we don sign be that one)
      Ka obu offloading husbands and becoming single mother or side🐀🐀
      dey easier?
      Okay, losing one's faith and going to hell fire dey easier?
      Ngwanu, make you chose one na.
      My duty na to yarn truthfully even if arrows and bullets dey
      approach my smooth nyansh
      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    6. ANG, I, actually, had that feelings that you were the BV that sent in the write-up. Good write up and very thoughtful of the BV

      Delete
    7. @16:24

      Proverbs 14:1 A wise WOMAN builds her home, but a foolish WOMAN tears it down with her own hands.

      Ecclesiastes 7:26 I find more bitter than death the WOMAN who is a snare, whose heart is
      a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare.


      🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐🀐

      Delete
    8. @Veteran
      If you did not shoot, I for wonder if I still get smooth nyansh.
      πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š
      You are in error not knowing the Scriptures...
      The Bible is not just the MANUAL FOR MARRIAGE BUT THE MANUAL FOR LIFE.
      No be you carry ya mouth dey yarn wetin you carry bottom dey do for (outside) that
      ya "marriage?"
      😯😯😯😯
      Ka Chineke mere ya husband and mkpuru obi gi ebere.

      Delete
    9. So because the bible says a wise woman builds her home, it is only the woman that should ask questions during courtship? That is how your brain understood it? People always reading their bible upside down and quoting rubbish.

      My dear, you mustn't always contribute to every discourse especially when you have no clue yourself.

      Delete
    10. @19:52
      Thanks for your insults.
      Only that you ended up not teaching me. We are all here to learn inugo?
      😊😊😊😊

      Delete
    11. Proverbs 31:10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies

      Eccl. 7:28 while I was still searching but not finding-- I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.

      Delete
    12. Hahaha @ Beds and Rose, osu mi. Oga/Madam thinks he/she knows it all but knows absolutely nothing, oversabi.

      Delete
    13. Beds and Roses
      Please be civil. How do you come to a blog and shut people up without making any positive contribution? Even when she did not say anything apart from quoting the scriptures. Or is it the word of God that yu are shutting up?

      Delete
    14. His/her write up gives me migraines. Even though I don't read it, it hurts my eyes.

      Delete
    15. No vex say we shut you up @ 21.50 AKA ang.

      I am really trying to be nice and civil. But please, read and digest your bible, know when to quote your scriptures, know when it is applicable to the subject matter.

      As long as all that you write is one sided thus putting the burden on only a woman to make a marriage work, I will always be your antagonist and never take you serious.

      The bible clearly stated the duties/ responsibilities of the man and the woman. But you seem to have selective amnesia when it comes to men and what they should do. So you see, you leave me with no choice than to tell you to zip it.

      It is people like you that blame women if their marriages fail. It is always the women's fault, what she did or didn't do. How she didn't pray enough, clean, cook, nagged her husband, pushed him out etc.

      Enough already please!!!

      Delete
    16. B&R, don't bother explaining to riff raffs. You said what you said, ANG needs to shut the hell up!

      Delete
    17. @Beds and Roses
      You see as your lies wear skirt and blouse?
      YOu don't read it, yet it hurts your eyes and gives you migraine?
      Wawu! 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲
      People who the word of God; just the quoting of the Scriptures "hurt, even without
      reading it" are possibly in a covenant pact with Satan.
      May God have mercy on your soul

      Delete
  3. These are very crucial questions and I asked most if them before marriage.

    However, we never agreed on one. How long can in-laws stay in our house? While I felt in-laws should come and go, my hubby felt they can come and live with us as long as they want, he was that accommodating. Me I had *ntakasi ahu* syndrome and I didn't fancy the inconvenience from a third party. I let it slide when he refused to budge and I was portrayed as a bad wife-to-be.

    A month after my wedding, my 18th BIL came to live with us and stayed for two years. I SAW HELL. He later moved out and I had some semblance of peace. Now my hubby cannot even broach the subject of bringing anybody into our house knowing all I suffered. I have paid my price for that and my affliction will not arise a second time.

    Ka o diba nu.

    ANG is this you? lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahaaaaaaa, arrow shooters don dey gather o
      You know wetin una (Naija girls) dey prepare for?
      From day one una go begin fork everywhere and every style
      But from even before that day one, una don dey prepare for
      wedding in your heads. Dude go dey fork, una go dey wed am
      for your heads. Vanity!
      Abroad wedding gowns, asoebi, rice/chickens, wedding rings,
      bridal train and buses/canoes...bank loan to fund these fantasies...
      person go get grey hair on top
      of wedding o. 😯😯😯😯😯😯😯
      But marriage, mbanu. The head go dey chakooooooo -empty.
      After marriage, the Naija sisi go just dey mope like say
      na baby doll.
      Ngwanu shoot! 🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹

      Delete
    2. Very important my dear. Some will start giving you the impression that it is also their brother's house so they can do what they like. That needs to be discussed before marriage because it brings chaos in the home

      Delete
    3. I had the experience after marriage my husband rented a house for me cos he lives abroad next thing oga said that one of reasons he rented d house was because of his jobless brother to come and live with me,i asked him as in What 'assistant husband'moreover we never discussed that kind of arrrangement.My own is when preparing for marriage ask also about your to be in laws their visiting arrangements cos some can make people's marriage unbearable

      Delete
    4. @Anonymous 19:49
      Some men are really careless to neglect a woman's feeling. But did you people discuss the issues of living separate. I can't deal at all.
      The first time my husband left me to go for national service was when I made up my mind that anywhere he is to move we all will move. It was unbearable to me.

      Delete
  4. Please do i need to tell my fiance about an abortion i did last two years. I'm just scared i don't want to hide anything from him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No don’t tell him as long as your reproductive system is good

      Delete
    2. Tell him and lose him

      Delete
    3. Because of what?. Is you dickmatized?.
      Is your brain gone?

      Delete
    4. It's better you inform him to prevent future conflict. He will be angry if he finds out by himself. Truth cannot be hidden forever. It may not be easy telling him but if he truly loves you, he will be happy that you are able to open up and accept you the more.

      Delete
    5. has he confessed his secrets to u? Fish brain.

      Delete
    6. Love dey catch you!..Has he told you any STD/I he has in the pass too?

      Delete
    7. Go for a vaginal ultrasound and do a blood test to check your ovarian reserve. Don't tell him if you have been cleared by a seasoned gynaecologist. If any of the tests reveal anything unusual, tell him and then start saving for IVF now.

      Delete
    8. Tell him so that both your prayers will not be blocked in this marriage 1 John 1:6-9
      If he decides that he is not marrying you, then he does not love you for LOVE IS as strong as death
      S of Sol. 8:6, Love keeps no record of wrongs 1 Cor. 13:5

      Delete
    9. lol@16:18

      Please don't tell him anything.

      Delete
    10. Tell him, afterwards brace up to write your lengthy chronicle.You think say na only you get secret, oya go and tell him.

      Delete
    11. Abeg dont tell him anything like that.....So far you didn't have any complications after it. It is not anyone's business. Men dont handle such information well.

      Delete
    12. Don’t tell him anything like that. Men don’t handle certain truths well.Just move on, hopefully you won’t have any issues conceiving.

      Delete
  5. This looks like what ANG wrote.

    It's the truth though. Agree on key issues. But some Naija Men can change it for you after marriage .
    They will agree to everything just to wife you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eheeeeeeeeeeeee! Abi I no talk am?
      The queen of arrow shooters -ndi uta 🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹
      I wish (sdk) or the poster of this sweet truth will come and save my
      smooth nyansh today. At least say she "posted it and she is not me"
      But whosai,
      Truth na truth irrespective of who post am.
      I just dey happy well well, say e get sensible Nigerian women on this blog
      who live in the real world and not fantasy "forkunizers" like some Naija girls.
      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜

      Delete
    2. lol.... Sweet ANG you I wrote it.😁😁
      But I know Mami wants us to focus on the message and not on the person that wrote it.
      Before they will all come for me. let me go Anon moodπŸ˜‚
      I know it will bless alot of people.
      That's the most important thing.

      Delete
    3. @17:20
      So you don dey hide make I receive all the gunshots on ya behalf okwa ya?
      Nsogbo adiro -no problem
      Jesus go block them arrows and massage my smooth nyansh well well
      May Jesus bless you my sister
      let them shootπŸ”«πŸ”«πŸ”«πŸ”«πŸ”«πŸ”«πŸ”«πŸ”«

      Delete
    4. ANG is not this smart and coherent abeg. Everything that one writes gives me migraines I often can't even read her rubbish incoherent comments. It does my head in.

      Delete
  6. All these questions? Lol. Well, it's only possible to ask these questions if and only if they are not fornicating.

    Fornication takes most ladies' senses of reasoning away. They are just desperate to get married because the men have seen it all.

    I made a comment that once a lady starts giving her body to a man, she finds it difficult to breakup even if the man becomes abusive, it's hard to let go. Some people were against my comment. So glad that Juliet Ibrahim made same comment.

    The conclusion of the whole matter is fear God and obey his commandment.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Especially medical issues, many times it's the least topic that comes up..
    Nice write-up

    ReplyDelete
  8. you just raise a very vital
    questions for prospective couples stella...kudos to you.

    please blog visitors especially single ones,take
    these questions(discussion)
    serious.
    create a better atmosphere
    and a condusive one at that
    to carry out these type of conversation.
    To me i don't think is too
    late for any one(married/single) to have this kind of discussion with their partner.
    we all know How best to handle our spouses,some had a conversation like this during courtship yet they never hold any water in their marital life.
    However these can never stand as a yardstick for a successful marriage, but it will surely go along way and could also make a difference.
    In a nutshell...do to your partner what you are especting him to do to you; Give your partner the treatment you desire to receive from him/her.
    STAND AS A MIRROR IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nice write. You all most touched all the areas. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  10. To me all these questions and answers are unneccessary, because marriage cannot be predicted, because as life happens along the way events will determine actions and reactions.
    Well you can have talks, but not like those will be your tenets nope.
    If life throws you Lemon make Lemonade, and if life throws you Jongoyaro leaves abeg make agbo Jedijedi.....naso

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your comment made a whole lotta sense not like that one up there, prancing all over the place like a Village Champ beating his/her chest for their ancestors and making claims. Pass on your message in a civilized manner.

      Everyone marriage doesn’t have the same storyline neither does every relationship or couples have the same experience. Most important thing is, in the midst of all the dating craziness going on, seek God’s face and ask for your own. Be observant to whom you are dating and do not reduce your standards on what you want from a future partner. Let the person know you got standards and expectations. It’s not just all about sex and hangouts and uploading pictures on SM.

      Both parties are from different backgrounds so there is need to start making adjustments for the comfort of both parties. It’s not all about one person.

      Make jars of lemonade out of what life throws at you and keep winning ☺️.

      Delete
  11. The questions dikwa too much. But really does these guarante the success of one's marriage??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It helps one to know his/her partner. Nobody is perfect but atleast you have a knowledge of what you are entering. It has helped me and alot of our friends. Our union is not perfect but we are enjoying it

      Delete
  12. I will never marry again. So this one no concern me. I will continue my spiritual sacrifices until my ex-MIL and ex-FIL die horrible and painful death. They thought they can steal from me through there daughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please, l beg you in the name of God. Please, forgive them. Please.

      Delete
    2. mumu, you dont know you can die before them sef...keep hating na you go tire. better use your energy for more productive life ventures

      Delete
  13. My husband changed everything we agreed upon after marriage. See finish things. After 3 cannot go anywhere after all. I have told him not to be overconfident because these days,many women with many children are still getting married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My darling, don't feel bad.
      These things are just like a guide, ticking boxes and doing the needful.

      It doesn't necessarily mean the marriage will work because all these issues were discussed while courting.

      Some people will tell you what you want to hear just so they can have you then change in marriage.

      I have so many examples, talking about these things is one thing, finding yourself in that situation is another.

      Eg a couple TTC for say 10 years.
      How do you know how to handle this and the pressure that comes with it except you are in that situation and faced with that reality? How will talking about it before marriage help? Kunle, What will you do if we are unable to get pregnant say 3years after marriage? Babe, we are in it together or what will he say? I will go and try outside!!!

      How do you know what you will do in a situation where your husband suddenlyl loses his job, loaned some money from you and the investment went wrong, your kids struggle to feed and are kicked out of school ?

      All these rules or tips are not as easy as they appear. Sometimes you need to get to a bridge to know how to cross it, God help us.

      Delete
  14. The greatest institution by God.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I did not discuss about in-laws visiting but I am already handling it my way. Before, 6am my mother-inlaw will be at our gate with bag. Now she has stopped. No more.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You haven't met someone who is a smooth talker who would answer your questions so accurately and tell you what you want to hear. Then after marriage BOOM!!.

    may God help us ladies.
    Marriage is over rated. Marriage doesnt make one happy. You make the marriage happy by choice

    ReplyDelete
  17. Imagine me wanting to consider a "divorced" man,he says the "ex-wife" has anger issue,na so I ask am, what if I have anger issues, will you leave me? He said Yes!He said there is always an option of divorce,nothing like a forever marriage.While me I am a believer of forever marriage,I knew he would have commitment issues. Also, I am like the poster,I ask questions a lot,he said they are stupid questions and that I should stop questioning him. I knew I can never be with someone like that.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Enter your comment...Seeking the face of God before marriage is the only solution to marriage wahalas; problems must surely comes but if God really supported the marriage, he would provide a way of escape.

    ReplyDelete

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