STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HEART BROKEN BY PARENTS
Sad day Stella
I'm from Abia state and during my service year in bayelsa that was ending of 2016 I met this sweet guy from delta state who just concluded his service and was working. We met in the church but we talked as members, though later we found out those periods we talked we actually grew in love, that led to our relationship in January first week of 2017.
Sad day Stella
I'm from Abia state and during my service year in bayelsa that was ending of 2016 I met this sweet guy from delta state who just concluded his service and was working. We met in the church but we talked as members, though later we found out those periods we talked we actually grew in love, that led to our relationship in January first week of 2017.
We became so knitted, I actually told him I don't want any long distance relationship anymore and to him I was his first love and he prayed I be his last, that's what he told God.
So we continued, things went well, hoping to tie the knot at least before his next birthday which is 2018.
All of a sudden his parents wanted him to run his masters which I wanted also, so I supported him, he left bayelsa for his masters and I too left bayelsa after my service that same period. We kept in contact and became more closer, cos we knew the goal of our relationship. He came to see my family to inform them of his intention and I also spoke with his mom and grandma.
Things moved well and since I haven't gotten a fixed job I do go and see him and stay with him.
Stella, he is a perfect guy for me, he is closer too his goal and wants to settle down and went to meet his parents to inform them and they grenade got blown.
They dont want someone from my side, they feel he is too young to settle down, he has other responsibilities cos he is the first child and son plus his masters, which I can wait for him to finish doing.
Stella, we both in tears since the news cos we both grew in this relationship together, we always believed tribe, genes, age, possessions and any those things that makes people gaga in relationship won't affect us. Now we are at the cross road, if he decides to go outside their will to see my parents he will be disowned, that's the precise words of the father, and me I need to settle down too.
I really do love him and he has held my world and has been the centre of it.
I hope to remain anonymous, cos most of my close pals are on the blog too. I want the house opinion and yours:
*Why don't you advice your man to finish his schooling and get a job and then approach your parents again?I don't blame them,there seems to be a lot of responsibility on your mans head and such things crash a young marriage.....
If you marry at the wrong time or to the wrong person,even love cannot safe Marriage..
Since you are both still young,please exercise some patience and try to put a few things in place...
All the best Dear!!!
Please, ask God what His plan for both of you is. If you marry the right person at the wrong time, it will be difficult (if not impossible) to recover from the wahala that will come.
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, first off let me say this: don't make any human being the centre of your world. Only God has the capability of filling that position, okay? I just had to say that so you don't get into trouble tomorrow because you decided to build your world around a 'human'. That's dangerous.
DeleteSincerely, your story reminds me of mine. The similarities are quite striking.
- I was my hubby's first love and he was mine.
-He too was the first child of his parents.
-Just like his parents, my hubby's parents initially refused him getting married to me saying it was too early, too soon;that he had younger ones that he needs to help his father cater for, family responsibilities etc, that hubby should wait for another 3 years! Hubby was 27 at that time.
- They also pointed out that I am not from their side (hubby is Delta Igbo too) and that women from my side like money or rather we are high maintenance. Lol.
I will tell what hubby did:
He talked and he talked and he talked to his parents concerning the matter. He fought for it. His father was adamant. His word was final but hubby didn't budge. He gave them reasons why he should marry me 'now' and assured them that he wouldn't withdraw his financial support on account of his marriage. And that besides, I was working too (we both just finished NYSC, though he finished 6months before me and as God would have it we both got employed almost immediately), so money wouldn't be an issue.
He even teased them with the question of whether they would prefer it if he impregnated me out of wedlock? Lol. Finally, they saw reason and gave us their support.
Hubby kept his word about supporting his father and not letting his marriage interfere with it. And I also proved them wrong about being high maintenance. Lol. It's been 9 years since and it's beautiful.
What pushed hubby to go that length? One thing was settled in hubby's heart - that I was the one for him and he didn't want to lose me. That singular thought made him determined to get his parents to his side. It wasn't easy but God came through. I wasn't even aware of all this until we finally got married!
If your man feels the same way about you, and you about him, he will not give up talking to his parents RESPECTFULLY about this. It's not your fight, it's his! He can also get someone his parents can listen to talk to them if possible.
You also should pray through it too. Get God involved. If you both will be, He will make his parents come around. Trust Him.
It's a good thing you get parental consent before you get married. Don't, in the name of love,go against their wishes. Wait it out. At the right time, it will be. If you can't, move on.
All the best...
💯
DeleteNice to hear from you @pureinspirations
DeleteThanks @pureinspirations
DeleteDear poster all d advice u nid is enclosed in @pureinspirations comment... look no further!!!
DeleteWhat is wrong with bring high maintenance ?
Delete@anon 17:17 Thanks dear
DeleteStella she said his dad said over his dead body will his son marry from the girl's tribe o. Poster this is difficult. Why not let go. God will give you another. Don't try to force it. His parent doesn't want their son to marry you and your guy at the other end can't go against his parent. Pls dear I'll advice you stay away, God will bring some one better
ReplyDeleteStella, it is his parents that are throwing 'spanner in the works' not hers. That will be difficult to get around . Na wa for his parents though..poster didn't they know about you all this while?
ReplyDeleteGood question. She would have seen the signs.
DeleteGuy walking away to receive a call from his parents EVERYTIME he's with you. Asking you to keep quiet.
When his mood changes after speaking with them. Etc.
Poster, am I lying?
Fishy something...... Don't force it poster.
DeleteConfidential I have spoken with his mum many times, even with some of his family people, they are all aware of our relationship
DeleteCalm down....calm down...
ReplyDeletePoster you could ve stated una ages, it helps to put things in to perspective.
ReplyDeleteEphesians 6:1-3
ReplyDeleteChildren, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
That it may be well with thee, and thou may live long on the earth.
let the young man be, because from your write up, you don't have a job and you are bored. so you think marriage is the ultimate solution to boredom and will bring happiness?
my dear, what both of you need now is to build yourselves up financially.
marriage can't survive with only love. MONEY is very important.
allow the guy to build himself up financially and you, go get a job.
DOA! Ndo dear, we don't all marry our first loves. You'll be fine las las.
ReplyDeleteI think you both should relax,allow his get a decent job,then approach the issue again,if the parents says no,take people to beg them ,and if they still refuse please let him go.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing you can do about that, unless you want to marry yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf his father said no, you have to leave him and let him talk to his family. If they agree, fine but if they insist on their decision, move on. It's not the end.
He marries or not, responsibilities will never end. So lady allow him to finish his Masters.
ReplyDeleteAlso stop visiting him, you have become see finished. I wonder when we ladies will get it right.
If he is yours, it will come to be except you want to follow the bible principle on the violent taketh it by force.
Good luck
Stella read again. it's poster's boyfriend's parents that disagreed and not her parents
ReplyDeleteHmmmm..life of a Nigerian female graduate. 🙁
ReplyDeleteAfter your first degree, next is marriage. Either you have a source of income or not, is nobody's business. Whether you're ready for the marriage or not is nobody's headache.
Just get married.
God help us.
God help us truly...I think ladies should change that mentality that after schooling the next is marriage. The poster is jobless,her man is equally still searching for job but her utmost desire now is marriage.
DeleteMarry him in court and be done with it. You’re both grown
ReplyDeleteObviously the guy doesn't want to defy his parents. And it is better to get parental consent from both ends. Like I said don't force it poster.
DeleteNigerian parents and heaping responsibilities which is a sign of their own failures on their children. Poster I believe you guys are still young and age is on your side. Allow him to finish his masters and once again approach his parents and if they still refuse, pick your shoes and run cos that's how marital problems starts and you don't want to marry a man his parents already don't want you. Love alone is not enough in this situation.
ReplyDeleteNot all
DeleteMy mom raised us with an independent mindset
That's the Nigerian mentality oh. Marry and born children to take care of me in my old age. While it should be the other way round. If you have children, set them up for life with shares, bonds, inheritance. They are your responsibility for life. Then the govt should set up social security benefits and pension so that the elderly can have a good quality of life in their last years of life. Nigerian parents at retirement have NOTHInG. And depend on their children who have responsibilities. Many other countries have a system that works, why why why is Nigeria so so backward in 2019??
Delete*poster don't wait for this guy and his family oh, they may never agree. Move on.
Is your man, man enough?
ReplyDeleteDoes he love you enough?
Is he sure (between him and God who joins together) that he has found his "bone of his bones
and flesh of his flesh?"
If the answers to the above questions is "yes", then that same God will support him.
Patience -yes that is the key, that's a virtue. He should try as much as lies with him
to be at peace with his parents; finish the masters, ask them based on his income how much
they need from him per month to meet "those responsibilities" and be ready to give it
even if it means living only on what you earn which will be for a while. Yes, you got
to be patient and to persevere and eschew greed too.
But this one you are already "going to see him and stay with him..." mmmmhhhh, that is
where if toht🤐🤐 is opened to the drill, the whole thing scatters, even God will turn
his back on you both. CHEERS BABY. 🌹🌹
Ekwuchakwa m -I don yarn finish.
If you have arrows shoot!
Whether man enough or love enough I will advice her to leave the guy. Men don't fall in love the way women do. Her priority is marriage but I'm sure the man's priority is money and his family. He will NOT go against his family. He knows he will always find another girl..whenever he is ready. In Nigeria, most men marry who they want while most women settle. Poster pls don't be pitiful. Make money your priority as well. Every adult needs a source of income. Stop visiting him. God has better plans for you hun!!
Delete@Nib
DeleteThanks for your reasoning.
That is why I asked those questions???
The answers to those questions can also be "no, no, no" and in that case
the lady can move on. If the man cannot stick out for her now, he won't later.
I was in a kind of situation like I've narrated here. I was rejecting suitors based
on my faith but when "the one" came, both of us were ready for our parents. We gave them
every respect we could but his own parents knew the kind of man he is, that even if
they said "no" he ("we") was going ahead with the marriage. That is the stuff people who know Christ as their Lord
are made of. For Love is as strong as death...Songs of Sol. 8:6
That is love (agape). What wanes with time is infatuation.
Thanks Nib
DeleteCalm down with God on your side and patience you will get your desire pls let him finish his masters ,in Nigeria of today first degree is not enough pls you are still young and less than 30 years and masters is almost 3 years ,so be patience and time will sorry out things
ReplyDeleteThe is not the right family to marry into. Even if you're patient enough to meet their requirements, they will still be setting laws for you. You will have little to no say in your marriage rights. Even when you give birth, they will be the ones to give you names. It seems like they are still giving him allowance.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who is not willing to be disowned is not ready to be married. You should be able to stand your ground in a way that even if things do not work out for you, you will not go running back to them.
The things that make a marriage work are your faith in God, the character of the husband and wife and sometimes luck. Not parental blessings. There are marriages that have blessings from both parents and all the ancestors in the village and it will still crash.
What should you do? Please don't keep all your eggs in one basket. Continue to mingle and build yourself. Start looking for a job now or source of income right now. All those "I don't have a fixed job" yarns that is making you go and stay with him like a full time housewife is adding to the see finish. If you were a governor's daughter, they wouldn't have said that thing they said.
Thanks again confidential, truly if am the governors daughter they won't mind
DeletePoster please move on and pray for your own man. I was in such situation and I ended up spending 7 years thinking his mother will change her mind. Las Las I had to move on and God brought a loving man at my 37th birthday. Today I am married with a son and he is still waiting for his mother to maybe find wife for him. When they come with my father my mother please just move on and dont make the mistake I made
ReplyDeleteI tap into this to find my so mate in such age
DeleteAmen
My own is why do people carry on with relationships they know their parents will never approve of?
ReplyDeleteI was in a relationship with someone from a particular tribe I know my parents wont approve of I had to borrow myself brain because I don't like stress
Now the guy has fallen into the category of what people from their tribe are known for
Both of you are not financially ready to get married. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities. You need to focus on getting a job or starting a business first. Pray about your marital plans and allow God to direct you. He should go back to his people again after he is done with his masters and financially stable if both of you are still keen on being husband and wife.
ReplyDeletePoster tread carefully, you'll find another love with time. My ex husband's parents were against our getting married but we still went ahead and today am a single parent. Gist plenty.
ReplyDeleteUse your head in this matter
Poster your body is shaking now cos you hear I want to marry you, listen as bitter cola take dey sound for ear no be so e dey sweet for mouth.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have a job but all you are crying for is to marry him. How much can you contribute to the table, what can you offer? Just sex, children answer mrs. My dear chill first allow him finish his master, you hustle and get a good job. Let him also get a good job with heavy salary and see if his parents will refuse him. The reason his parents said no is because you cannot pay any bill, go and repackaging yourself and stop visiting his family all the time cos you don't have a job. Get busy.
Do not put all your eggs in one basket, work hard.
Excited at least every month I get something, I didn't say I don't bring something to the table
DeleteThank God my marriage has ended with that mama and papa's boy. My ex husband always listen to his parents.
ReplyDeleteThe parent accepted me and gave heir consent to our marriage but the only way knew it was never from their mind, they never showed up during the wedding, we shifted the wedding cos his mum said the date we gave was not convince for them. I accepted the date his mum gave still they didn't show up. The mum was in Bauchi but controling my marriage in Sokoto. Imagine got tired with the whole game, his mum told me never to confront her son even when he doesn't satisfy me sexually or give me feeding money. Poster once his parents are involve start looking for alternatives, do not waste your time on someone his parents want to control.
Sincerely speaking i believe the family of the guy is right and especially the type of woman he wants to get married to especially if they see you as a liability.. imagine if at this point you plan to get married,you wont contribute much from your own end because you aint working. if you get a good job within months and can do much on your own.its impossible forthe family to reject you. i believe the family must be asking themselves wat u re bringing to the table for a son they have laboured for
ReplyDeletePlease who has 'seen' Ronalda?
ReplyDeleteOP if his family doesn't want you, please leave him.
ReplyDelete