Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Wednesday, November 06, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmmm....










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BIG MISTAKE


Good day Stella and thanks for this platform. I got married two years ago traditionally to a man that we never share the same thing in common. I didn't love him and I BLAME myself for going into such love less marriage. 


Compatibility is zero and It keeps causing issues in the marriage. I took in the same month and have a lovely boy now. My siblings contributed to this mess. The pressure from them was something else. Like I said earlier I solely blame myself.


The main issue now is that I want to opt out of this. I need to be happy. I am not happy and I'm not having any affair anywhere and not planning to go into any until I'm psychologically and emotionally ready. I am a good person but this marriage is bring out the devil in me.


 I refused church and civic marriage because I knew earlier that i made a mistake. In the union, no intimacy and friendship for so long. Hatred,abuse and enmity is the order of the day in my home.


Another issue is that my family seems not to support me in any way. My widowed mum has been crying and placing curse on me for attempting to 'disgrace' the family. She has ordered me to drop my son with my husband family since I don't want to go on with the marriage. No one seems to understand me.



 It is driving me crazy. I am not a saint but this marriage is not what my enemy should experience. I am ashamed to say that I allowed myself to be talked into a union far from what I dreamt of at 27. How do I convince people to understand me? No man is even deceiving me because I don't believe I need one to be fulfilled. 

I work and earn well with Msc. I need encouragement and probably a therapist to assist cause I'm losing my mind. Never in my life will I do anything to please anyone again.




*This is so serious!!!..I am honestly short of what to say.......did you not tell them that you are being abused?if all what you have written is the truth then you have to no right staying in that kind of toxic envronment.let your mother go and rest and leave you alone...ah ah

85 comments:

  1. There is abuse in the marriage? Then please leave by all means. Unhappiness is not also something you should toy with, you already admit that you made a mistake getting married due to pressures from home so why do you care now how your mother and siblings feel? Do you think they care about you or their own image? No one will feel your pain the way you do and this is why it’s always best to choose yourself all the time no matter whose Ox is gored.

    Don’t leave your child behind, you can ask for financial support from the child’s father if he is so willing or just take care of your child yourself because a child deserves to be with their mother during their formative years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shut up. Single girl. You are not married and can't give advice. Have you asked her to check herself? From the narration it seems she has more money than the guy and cause issues that will make the man flip. If she want peace let her respect the husband .

      Delete
    2. Anon 15:18,I am immensely disgusted by your comment.
      Shut up?!, waawu!.. Single girl?!, really?.. Can't give advice cos she's what now....?..
      *chuckles while smh*
      Some of y'all just hide behind your blog Id's to yarn opata..
      Someday you gon' learn.

      Delete
    3. STELLA O!!! You remember my mail to you years ago sounding EXACTLY like this lady and you pulled my ear to walk out since he only paid my bride price and no baby yet. It's horror and will never get any better till the day you end up either in the psychiatric hospital or jail for having killed someone or even suicide! Ur hate for him will only multiply on a daily basis. You will age and be unproductive and bitter. Even to ur own child you will be a horrible mother.
      I left and my family had no choice but to return the bride price. Just 2 weeks later I met the love of my life and I can't belive what I would have let myself into cos of pressure.

      STELLA, THANK YOU FOR BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD AND ENCOURAGED ME.

      Poster, have you seen that movie "Not without my daughter(son)?

      Delete
    4. 15:18 why so rude? Where did you leave your manners?

      Delete
    5. 15.18 so because she is single she does not have brain to think bah? She should shut up and coil into a hole because being single is a disease?
      And yes! There is nothing to check when you are involved with someone you call a mistake. And no one wants peace with a partner she hates. There is nothing to respect in such a man no matter how good he is. The best she can do for him is stay away so he can find a woman that will love and respect him. That woman is not this poster and the poster deserve same too.

      Delete
    6. Stella and co, why are you people jumping into conclusions on the “abuse” issue??? She said “ Hatred,abuse and enmity is the order of the day in my home“, and she also said the marriage is bringing out the devil in here. She never mentioned that the husband is being abussive. It could as well be that she’s the one being abussive here. The issue here is that she married someone that she knew clearly that she didn’t love due to “perceived” pressure and now she can’t take it anymore.

      Delete
    7. How do people marry someone you don't love. And an educated professional lady like you let her family pressure her at just 27.
      Poster I met my husband at 37 a decade after your age,married at 38 and had my first child same year. Even as old as I was I did not give into pressure. I closed my ears because I knew I deserved the best. At 35 a guy had come very desperate to marry,he had anger problem and I didn't love him. People said manage cos of age.
      But my husband,first time I saw that man I told my friend that is my husband. That man is God sent. And I'm actually thankful for the long wait because if I married my ex I was crying over, sorry would have been my name.
      Pls get out of that loveless and toxic marriage,you are too young. If only you closed your ears and concentrated on your career. Even if it's in your 30s you will find your own man.

      Delete
    8. Your story reminds me of the movie, Paper Year. We all feel the euphoria of getting married (Pressured or not), when reality sets in we might not handle things right and might get lost in between.

      Peace is blissful and its important to have it in our hearts and homes. Poster put yourself first, your family like every other family would tell you to endure. If you can endure, how long? Would it be worth it? Sadly you are already unhappy and you would always give your man bad vibes even when he acts right by you.

      Its best you walk away while you can so it doesn't get worse than it already is and please calm down. Peace and love.

      May.

      Delete
    9. Anonymous6 November 2019 at 15:18 why are sounding like that? allow everyone speak their mind, you are rude.

      Delete
    10. Haaa. I remember that movie Sally Field I was little when I saw that movie..It was touching..

      Delete
    11. Anonymous 15:18, sweetheart, was that really necessary? You call Doppelganger "single girl", like being single is a terminal ailment. You're being demeaning but you fail to realise that it reflects poorly on you. You sound crass and ill-mannered. So single ladies/girls can't give marital advice? Please don't be that shallow. They may not be considered authorities when it comes to marital experience, but are you aware that some issues in marriage border more on common sense and deductive reasoning than on marital experience? It is less than smart to ignore a message just because of the messenger.

      Honey, please learn to be more accommodating. It's so uncivilised to shut someone up because you don't agree with their opinions. You can respect an opinion you don't agree with. We are different people with different upbringing from different backgrounds and different ideologies. We can't all agree, mature minds agree to disagree.

      Just as a cautionary note, that you are married isn't something to brag about. Using derogatory terms for single ladies is so 1955, you need a mentality upgrade. I have seen marriages of close to 30 years crash, there are no guarantees in life, so "let he who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls". From what I see, most single ladies are happier than some of the married ones. Your antagonistic reply is obviously misplaced.

      Delete
    12. Anon 15:18, Read what Ronalda said slowly and over and over again till it sinks in

      Delete
    13. Ronalda my love๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

      Delete
    14. Ronalda,you can't imagine how much I've missed you.

      Delete
    15. Anon 16.01 may God bless your entire generation. You totally spoke my mind kai!!! IF she was being abused she would have stated it CLEARLY!!! She said she is a good person but the marriage brought out the devil in her. Intelligent people ONLY will understand this!!!

      Delete
  2. I'm the type that don't give a guy a chance for relationship when I don't feel anything for you, l don't bend to any marriage pressure. My people already know that, l don't know how to pretend when I'm not in love with someone. When you love someone that feeling will be there from the onset, once you set your eyes on that person that sweet tingling feeling will just pop up❤️❤️๐Ÿ˜.. poster do what will make you happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I cant even have sex with you if I don't love you. This one married and had a whole child.
      Hearing my husband's voice alone gives me butterflies. I lay down staring at him sometimes and I catch him doing same sometimes.
      I can't be with a man I don't love.

      Delete
    2. True, love must dey

      Delete
    3. My folks did not bother me for one day, my younger sis is 27 and they don't bother her at all. Except one or two over zealous relatives trying to hook you up with someone.
      I don't know why but i feel the poster is at fault in in this instance, how can you go into marraige with such negativity, acting as if you were forced and indirectly trying to blame people for your decision, where your dragged kicking and screaming to your marriage rites.
      Get of your high horse and go respect your husband, you think you just relax and expect your marriage to work? I laugh! Nne show workings, if not you can leave.
      Most times opposite attracts, it always does, my husband is the exact opposite of me, we complement each other. My father told me, Mel you need to understand who you are dealing with, if you understand the ways of a snake or a madman, you can cohabit.
      There are so many things i would love to teach you but i am tired of typing. I will keep you in my prayers tho

      Delete
    4. Well, for me, the poster has not been clear about what is going on in her marriage and who actually is at fault. She was very vague in her presentation and seemed to try to place the blame on her siblings and husband and just barely admitting to her fault being getting married under pressure. Until certain facts are stated, I think I might be misguided in my advice. I am saying this because sometimes people need to take responsibility for their marriage, have the right attitude and be ready to work it out. Not all marriages are meant for the dunghill, as when some new couples stick it out with the right attitude, all would be well in the end. Do what you think poster, but be sure that you won't regret your decision in future. You said abuse, how? By which of you? Sister you were vague. The grass often looks greener on the other side when we don't tend our own garden.

      Delete
  3. Poster, this is an opportunity for you to move on since you already made the mistake going into that institution. You had no business going into it in the first place.
    Do not listen to your siblings and mum. She can cry fro now till whenever she gets tired. You just live your life. You tried to do their bid but it’s not working, so do YOU.
    In life, learn to do what makes you happy. They are in their houses sleeping well, but you are the one wrecked emotionally.
    Imagine being in a marriage with no compatibility, no meaningful communication. Sex is zero. You can’t continue like that, you alone can free yourself from this bondage.
    On no account should you leave your son with your husband. What’s wrong with your mother? Why is she forcing you to remain in that marriage? Is there something she’s gaining that she doesn’t want to miss?
    What could be more important than your child’s happiness?
    If they threaten to disown you if you dare leave that marriage, disown them too.
    You need peace, happiness. You are an emotional wreck, that can lead to depression and suicide.
    Do not listen to those people that will tell you to keep hanging in there or preach for better or worse to you.
    Only you can free yourself from this mess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are so many things this poster is not saying. She need people to tell her to pack out of her matrimonial home and she knows that most people here will encourage her without thinking further about it.
      She's probably the problem in that union.

      Delete
    2. Don the union doesn't have a problem. It all boils down to lack of love between them.
      They are not compartible from the start. Such situations you will butt heads always.
      Even in my marriage my husband annoys me and me likewise but because of the love we share we over-look many things. We are quick to apologise and make up the next minute because there is Love. We just turn it into joke. 5mins of malice I miss him already. I can't even be angry.

      Delete
  4. Do what is best for you, please. You shouldn't live your life in misery because of marriage. Walk away before the situation of things make you go insane. No one loves you more than YOU. With Time , your family will understand you and if they don't, FORGET. Do not leave your Child with anyone. Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it was a man that sent this chronicle, will your advice be the same?

      Poster sounds like someone who isn't even serious. If it's not domestic violence, I don't see anything in this chronicle that can't be fixed.

      Delete
  5. What kind of abuse do you refer to here and what do you think is the course? I will not advise anyone to endure abuse because I can't. However your Chronicle came across to me like your head is in the clouds.

    I'm tempted to think that, you have this fantasy of a man painted in your mind by reading too much novel(I might be wrong)that you are not able to give this man a chance hence your behaviour is driving him crazy and many bad things are happening in your marriage based on that.

    My advice; if you think you have tried to work on the marriage but it's not working, then do as you please. If you think you haven't given this marriage a chance, then please get down from your high horse and play a wife. Concentrate on your husbands good side and love him for who he is and see things changed for the better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @15.11 God bless your generation for this advice. You’re a wise person

      Delete
  6. Poster...Its time to live your life on your own terms..Why are you waiting for people who obviously dont want to understand, to do so...Seek counselling and therapy for your sanity sake...And please stop blaming yourself too much cause you will just allow self-pity and pity party from others and you dont need now at all...Now its time to pick up your pieces and try again..You got things going on well with you plus a beautiful boy that needs you...Your mistake is not the end of the world...Leave that toxic environment first...Look I will advise you to separate yourself from him..All the best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This isn't a relationship. This is a marriage for Christ's sakes!
      Enough of the "My terms", "My rules" advice.
      You didn't tell us the abuse. Does he physically hurt you? If that's the case, feel free to run.

      If not, remember that there are 2 people involved here. You just don't wake up and get tired of a marriage like that. You need to make it work. Have you tried discussing with your husband? What is his response? What is your attitude towards him? How about your child?

      These are real life issues. This isn't Telemundo or Zee World.

      Delete
    2. Noctural you can as well make your point without referring to mine..I said what I said..Yes she should live on her own terms, is there a problem with that?? Abeg we don't need to make this marriage thing a big deal abeg...

      Delete
  7. Well, I know how people get married but I do not know how they "opt out".
    The single most important question is this; what did you see in this man that
    made you marry him?
    Has that value/character/??? vanished?
    If it is money (which is common), has it developed wings like the Scripture says and flown away?
    I think I have been consistent in telling my friends here to look beyond the wedding day...look beyond "displayed wealth", look beyond the pressure from parents and siblings...look unto God, look unto Jesus the author and finisher of
    our faith (please permit me to talk about my faith here).
    Yes, Jesus cares and can lead one to ones partner that complements one and they both will work it out.
    The usual solution is to seek God as a
    way of life and not when faced with the marriage challenge/pressure.

    Right now, you need encouragement and where do you find it...it is not from
    "therapist" but from the Word of God.
    If the therapist does not have God's Word, he/she will be multiplying words without knowledge.
    Stop filling your mind with "opting out" but fill your mind with making peace with God.
    Romans 8:28 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

    Yes, he loves you. Do you love him?
    ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You spoke correctly dear .. Peace of mind with God first then you can make the rest decision from there.. Best of luck poster

      Delete
  8. Wow poster we should love ourselves so much to know what is good and bad. I sense depression in your words. I think you should have a break from the marriage. Stay away for months, you can't leave just like that because we have to think how our actions will affect others especially Your son . listen to me people will talk but after few months another gossip will come up. You made a mistake, fine but dont beat yourself and move on. No one owns your happiness. Only think about the boy or your husband if he really loves you.

    But please calm down and forget all the family not supporting because they are only thinking of themselves. Do same.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Madam, you are only thinking about I,I,I, how about the little him?
    He needs his dad too.
    I have also come to realize that a lot
    of ladies will tell you about "abuse" but never tell you about
    what they contribute to the abuse.
    Whey he begin to verbally abuse you, do you close your mouth, what do you
    tell him to hurt him too?
    You will be happy again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for this, Anon 15:15.

      She even said she refused white wedding because of this. Apparently, the man wasn't what she painted him in her mind, so she got disappointed from the beginning. Her family members are most likely pleading with her to try and make things work, but NO, she wants to leave.

      What about your husband's feelings? Isn't he a human being too?

      Delete
    2. Life is too short dear to stay in an environment where you get toxic energy. If this person is sad she needs space from her source of sadness. People react differently. If we continue to tell her the son will block her happiness she might try to get rid of that threat. Imagine a woman ready to leave MRS ...poster you are very fragile kind. get a space asap

      Delete
    3. @Aunty Amebo
      I have also come to understand that this toxic energy ladies always sing like a mantra, it is the very toxic ladies that sing it. Those kinds that will heat up anywhere they enter like an oven. A lot of ladies these days are raised on social media and not in homes.

      Delete
  10. Pls madam tell your husband to also send his own part to aunty stella since you need a way forward.I dont think I will ever want to look at marriage from one person's angle anymore. When oga don write him own, then we all can proceed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks you anon. There's something fishy about this poster, she's not saying the whole truth.
      Let's read from the other party if possible. She sound Yo me like a self centred person. Everything is about her alone.

      Delete
  11. Have you sort the face of God? Is he willing to make things work? You said you made a mistake...do you know God can turns things for ur good? Seek His face, speak with your man and if he is keen to work things out, dont be quick to give up. My 1st year was tough,hubby even slapped me once and I fought back and gave a stern warning...10 years now and 4 kids he is a wonderful man and never even raised his hands again after that one time.. Very hands on and there for me and the kids, a provider and loyal...imagine if i walked away???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You and your hubby are both very lucky. Congrats. Btw, i'm a guy!๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

      Delete
  12. I was so happy about the fact that you work and earn well so money isn't a problem here.Nice one.
    Now back to your question "how do I convince people to understand me"?
    My dear,you are 27,an adult and a mother for crying out loud.If you comit murder one day by killing your 'one chance' husband due to frustration or in self defense,you will go to jail and your family will move on without you!
    Your mum who doesn't want to understand you and your innocent child will LIVE without you so THINK of yourself alone and stop taking shit just to please your mother who has already lived her own life.
    Do not abandon your son with your husband for any reason.Go and rent an apartment and separate from your hubby for now.When you are emotionally and psychologically ready,return his dowry with or without your mother's support.
    You need some space and happiness,not for people to understand you while you wallow in frustration and depression!
    It's your life and you need to take full responsibility and control of it!
    Stop blaming yourself and act FAST.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tears rolled my eyes while reading, I am in the same shoe as the poster.Do you know this morning I fought a very strong urge to stab my husband but the thought of children stopped me.I have no job,my family is not willing to help.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous 15:37 Really?? Please see if you can leave that environment..Involve your church or mosque please...Now you are nuturing such thoughts you dont need to be triggered at all..

      Delete
    3. Oh dear,I feel like hugging you right now and telling "it will soon pass".
      You will come out of this sooner than you think.
      You just need to keep fighting that urge to commit murder,for your own sake and that of your children.
      You need to focus all your energy on looking for a job or start something small,to keep you busy,occupied and financially independent so that you can have the POWER to decide.....!
      As for your family,it seems they can help but they are not willing to.
      Do you have a horrible relationship with them?
      Are you really a nice person?
      Pardon me,some families can be very wicked but sometimes,they could be reacting based on your actions .......๐Ÿคจ
      If you are cool with them,you have to think of their mumu botton and use it to collect money from them and start up a small scale business.
      You should try and spend this weekend with your family...if you can.
      Goodluck.

      Delete
    4. @Bitch
      This lady's life is not in danger, it is the husband's life that is.
      The question is, how did it degenerate to this murderous thought point?
      Was there never a time they chanted "love you, love you?"
      How did this woman contribute to the degeneration?
      It is not everything you begin chanting "leave leave". In fact, if there
      is anyone to leave there fast, it's the husband. Nothing in this life justify's
      cold blooded murder of a defenseless human.

      Delete
    5. WOW!!!
      PINKLADY IS GIVING SUCH WONDERFUL ADVICE TODAY!
      ๐Ÿ˜

      NO WONDER IT RAINED IN MY AREA HERE IN KUMASI GHANA
      ๐Ÿคญ

      PINKLADY THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING THE POSTER'S SITUATION AND EMPATHIZING WITH HER
      ๐Ÿ’—

      Delete
    6. Instead of killing your husband pack out of that house please. Don't let yourself become a tool in the devil's hand.

      Delete
  13. Since you have made up your mind, better leave.

    Mothers don't understand what love is. They feel every woman who leaves marriage are not well trained.

    Leave before one if you kill the other because the way it is you might do the killing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Yori Yori
      Please wipe away that second sentence of yours from your mind and
      from this comment.
      I am a mother (I don't know about you) and I understand what love is.
      1 Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
      it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it
      is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of
      wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects,

      And let me inform you that if you do not know Jesus' love, you may never understand what love is.

      Delete
    2. We are not talking about bible quotation of love here but practical love Ma.
      I wish we can hear from the husband as well before dishing advice.

      Delete
    3. @Queenamy
      So Bible description of love is in your view "impracticable?"๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
      Wawu!
      You probably are referring to what the world understand "love" to mean;
      just pure eroticism, fork(nication)
      Wawu!
      Have you ever seen a person whose car gets spoilt and she takes it to a "shoomaker" (cobbler)?
      How come when we as ladies have problem with our love life/marriage, we do not go to the manual
      of the maker of this life to find answers?
      Isn't this woman talking about her husband "dishonoring her and being easily angered, not being kind
      to her etc.?"
      Why not take time to study your Scriptures and understand what unconditional love, agape is all about?
      Wawu!

      Delete
  14. Dear poster once abuse is there whether physical, emotional or verbal, please take a walk. Yes, you may have made a mistake but we all fall. The issue isn't with falling but refusing to get up, so get up and Please do not live your son behind

    ReplyDelete
  15. It is well with you my dear. Do what gives you peace of mind inugo!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. My dear if you can take care of yourself,then by all means do what makes you happy! Hain! life is too short oh. Na wah for your mama Sha,that's why I love that poster of (Oct 10) with the werey husband mother, the way she wrote about her mother, while I was reading I kept saying God bless your mother. but this your mama is more concerned about imagine na wah oh.


    p.s Poster with werey Ex how are you now? there no day that passes that I don't think about you. hope you are good love?.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Na now you know you're in a loveless marriage? There's more to this, there's something you're not saying and this is not the whole truth.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I wish to correct one impression that this poster left us pondering.
    MARRIAGES ARE NOT CONDUCTED IN CHURCHES. There is no Scripture that
    tells us to wed or marry people in the church in the NT or in the synagogues
    in the OT. Please do not entertain any guilt that this marriage did not work out
    because it was not conducted in a church, that is not true at all.
    Where is marriage conducted?
    Answer: in the brides's father's house! The bride's dad receives the bride price and
    entertain the in laws and guests.
    What I see that did not go right here are;
    1. You admitted to succumbing to pressure -lesson learnt
    2. Where is God in these whole decision and all
    3. Now that you are facing a challenge, where is God, your creator
    the one that wants you to succeed as a wife?
    The solution lies in bringing him in. And in doing so, remember that you do not
    come to equity with soiled hands (if there is any). It is time to return to him
    in repentance and with your broken heart and he will heal you. Jesus said;
    Matthew 11:28...Come to me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.
    Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am meek and humble in heart and
    you will find rest for your souls

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm so sorry for your ordeal OP.
    please the first suggestion from me is to find happiness in CHRIST cause him alone can give you happiness.
    Forgive yourself for choosing wrongly as you rightly stated but be rest assured that: that marriage can work if you so desire,

    I employ you to please calm down, make God the source and giver of a happy marriage(home).
    give your husband the kind of treatment you would gladly love to receive from him, oh yes; its starts from there and from you.
    Be seeing your spouse as a baby that needed to be nurtured, grown, loved, and bond INNOCENTLY before he gains his own sense of reasoning.
    Op i really understands your point and i can feel your pain.

    Honestly you can make that marriage work if you truly wants to. YES i know you can: but apparently so many constraints here and there which is understandable but YET i still believe you can, because the struggle to acquire formal Education isn't a child's play talk more of the level of which you've attended.

    My dear forget the internet, I'm married and i know what marriage is all about. The way most of us paints our home,spouse,children and the struggle isn't always true. I have my own issues, struggle, pain, regret and wishes in my own home and so do EVERY marriages out there, and i mean EVERY marriages exceptionally NON.
    God will see you through if only you're willing and able to fight, win and testify over this marriage because it's of the devil to kill, scatter, devour, and sow the seed of hatred, regrets and what's not in homes but when you seek for God's assistance and Grace: it shall be given to you.

    Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the lord delivered them from them all. POSTER the Lord will give you wisdom to guide your and knowledge to know what marriage is all about.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Poster, you are an adult. Thank you for acknowledging your mistakes. You need to get an apartment and after it’s ready, Move out with your child and you let your hubby know you are done. Do not cave into your crying mother’s antics.. Do not leave your child behind either. Your hubby isn’t going to beg fir you to come back or change his ways. Leave now, while you have breath. Flee from domestic violence. I wish you good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  21. pls take a walk if abuse is involved

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  22. Been only married for few months all I can say is never go into a marriage where there is no love,compatibility, respect it will never work. At the long run the pressure you get from family and friends is far far better than a to go into a wrong union and I can't tell you to call God in this matter becos he definitely didn't want this for you. As the sayin goes if the kitchen is too hot get out period.

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  23. This story reminds me of what happened this morning, a lady came into my shop for a quick makeup, she was so much in a hurry, while we were at it her "boyfriend" called and was insulting her for keeping him waiting, aunty was shaking and ran as her feet's could carry her, only to get home and the thing of a boyfriend asked her to wash off the makeup. To think that the lady is already making marriage preparations is what is making mad, I really do wish I don't have to drink water and mind my business.

    How can you marry someone who does share the same mindset with?

    Dear poster,
    What makes you think court or church wedding is stronger than traditional marriage, if your father or his representative accepted him, then you are married.
    If truly he is abusive,then report him to the right authorities.

    I don't why we ladies now feel we can get married anytime we like and get divorced once we feel like it.

    Marriage is sacred, if you can't take the heat, stay single. Get him arrested when next he tries to lay a finger on you.

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  24. Can someone really be forced into something as serious as marriage? Obviously at 27 you were unmarried because you had dedicated yourself to education, are your ppl that illiterate to not realize that? No matter what a woman achieves it is considered of no value because she is not married. Even the child that you gave birth to your mother wants you to turn in, so not even you child you should keep because you are not married? Imagine a mother telling another mother to leave her child behind. Patriarchy has fckd up generations of women to the point they place no value on themselves. Imagine as educated, ambitious, and high achieving as you are you still got suckered into marrying someone your spirit did not choose, even you are under the clutches of the patriarchal mind to kowtow to family pressure.

    My dear, the law has provided an opportunity to release yourself from this mistake. Retain a good family lawyer, separate and leave the family home and file for divorce. You will wither away to nothingness in that marriage. When you mother reign curses, send them back to sender and rebuke them, she gave life to you, but she does not own you. If God can forgive you then who is any human to hold you in bondage. Make sure you put that education to good use and never act the fool again, especially with something as serious as marriage.

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  25. Posterfrom the of tone your narration you're the one abusing that man. Check yourself and don't use what you read and see on social media to determine how your marriage would be. Work on urself madam and enjoy ur marriage

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  26. poster i am happy you know what you want already. Let your family understand you, bear with your decision , support you. They should stop pushing you, marriage is not by force. if you are not happy with that man you better walk away before some will pay with their life.

    family don't usually understand when one is telling them i am not interested, if anything happens now you alone will face the consequence. Do what will make you happy and never you do things cos people ask you to.

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  27. All some parents know is disgrace this disgrace that. No empathy for their suffering kids in marriage. trying to protect what image if i may ask?

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  28. @Poster calm down take a deep breath. The environment you are in for the moment is very toxic. Firstly you need to take a break from your hubby (find a place you can stay for a while to cool off). Then after this revisit your decision again by then what you really wanted would be very clear to you (whatever you decide NEVER EVER leave your Child Behind). MY ADVICE DON'T MAKE A DECISION IN A CONFUSED STATE.

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  29. Darling, "I don't love him anymore"or "I never loved him" as trite as it sounds, is not a good enough reason to end a marriage. If you could part your pretty thighs for him to sire a child, the disgust you feel or the lack of love you feel isn't strong enough. You just want a way out. Marriage is a physical as well as a spiritual union. The covenant of marriage shouldn't be entered lightly and shouldn't be broken without just cause.

    Sweetheart, can you be forced to marry a physically challenged or disabled person? I'm guessing that will be a "no". You would probably go into hiding before the day of the union. You married this man because a part of you, as minute as it may be, didn't think it would be such a bad idea. True, family may have prevailed, but you gave your consent eventually. You weren't hog-tied and forced into your matrimonial home neither were you forced to have sex with him.

    Perhaps, things became worse after you married him and his flaws became more pronounced and unbearable, that's usually the case when you marry the one you don't love. Darling, you can't give a man attitude and expect him not to retaliate. I'm sure you've made him know you want nothing to do with him, his attitude towards you will be negative and things will keep getting worse. You stated that you never loved him, did he ever love you? You both have brought an innocent life into the mix now, he must be your priority in any decision you make, your son's best interest trumps yours.

    What is making you so unhappy? Divorce isn't always the answer. This marriage was already rigged to fail by you, so where is the motivation to try to work things out? You were going into a marriage while creating a loophole to enable an easy exit. You had only a traditional marriage because you already knew you were making a mistake. My darling, how on earth was the marriage supposed to stand the test of time? There's no way you can honestly say you've tried to make it work because you never wanted it to work.

    I find it puzzling that you had already prepared an easy exit but you had unprotected sex with a man you so despise and compounded issues by producing an everlasting bond with him. Sweetie, I honestly can't sympathise with you because your narrative seems inconsistent. Your husband may not be a saint but I don't think he is the real problem here, the problem is you were done with this marriage even before it began. What's more heartbreaking is, some ladies reading this will still go ahead and make the same mistake.

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    Replies
    1. I love you Ronalda. You are filled with so much wisdom. Poster please read this carefully.

      Delete
    2. Ronalda, wow!!!!! You are a blessed woman. Poster, read this and digest

      Delete
    3. Poster, Please kindly read these words carefully and have a rethink before you take any decision. By the grace of God, I am married and honestly, there are days love goes dry. Really dry. Few months ago, my husband and I were having issues which dragged for close to 3months. Funny enough, we couldn't really say what the real issue was. We were not just feeling each other, to the extent my husband was asking me if i wanted a divorce. i got us to see a counselor, thank God he agreed and we had several talks. Today, to the glory of God, we are so much better. A lot has really changed. We are 8yrs in marriage with 3 beautiful Kids. Marriage is a lot of work. You have to be deliberate. I also think you should keep your family out of your family business for now. I pray God directs you at this point in your life. You will be fine sis.

      Delete
  30. Funny enough poster, I understand you 100%

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  31. Poster you deserve to be happy, don't worry about ur family, esp ur mom, pick ur self up and leave, verbal abuse is a bad thing, you become a completely different person, ur super young add 20years to ur life in that marriage and tell me what you think? So get up and leave pls, for the love of God and that little boy, so you don't become a bitter mom, sending hugs and kisses ur way.

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  32. Poster o! My advice for you is to leave this marriage now while you can.
    The most dangerous thing is that your husband probably does not realise that you have gotten to this point.
    People are enjoying marriages these days. Marriage is not a standard to go to heaven so please anything that makes you create room for satan constantly in your heart. If our mothers left marriages they would probably have been happier and alive today.

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  33. Dear Poster, Calm down......take a deep breath and tell yourself nothing is new under the sun and your own is not the worse and off course there is a solution to every issue, it just take time, patience and resilience.

    First your marriage is just bearly 2years, this is too early to start thinking of divource, if your say seperation for a short while, well okay but divorce I think it's too soon.
    secondly you said you both share nothing in common, this is not a solid ground for divorce, as I think your diversity can be your strength if you know how to come together and harness it, for example a lot of women can't stand watching football and their husband can't stand all this Telemundo but they always find ways of accommodating when ever their spouse is having fun watching his/her programme. Please find a way to accommodate your spouse in love.
    Thirdly, you complained about your happiness, you yourself can create happiness for your self, thank God you are a working class lady, not so dependent on him, a lot of Single ladies are happy, why? They make themselves happy, please find a way to be happy by yourself and it will spread like wild fire, happiness is contagious, you will in no time see how it will affect your home.
    Please pray to God, he will change things around for your good, and good things you didn't realize in your marriage will begin to be visible to you. God bless you.

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  34. Marriage should be a thing of Joy..ur partner should be ur source of happiness and also ur support system.If it's not going that way then it's a problem..U can walk away since you are not happy..buh pls try and see if you can work it with him as long as he does not beat you . Because of that little boy try and push harder...With time things might fall into place.. remember you are not the only one involved..A child growing up in the company of both parents is the best. Try harder sis I can feel your pains believe me..I wish you all the best.

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  35. Mothers can put pressure on their kids not minding what they are going through. Try working on your marriage, if its not working please it's better you take a decision that will give you peace of mind.

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  36. Poster you don't need to convince anyone on your reasons for leaving, just leave. It will either be a mistake or the best decision you've made in recent times. The choice is yours.

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  37. Migrate to Canada with your son. All the best๐Ÿ–ค

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  38. My dear BV you 're the only one who can make yourself happy, mov and leave mama alone she will come around, she is only being a mother. My mum always calls to beg me to attend OPM deliverance for marriage and I called hee one day and said mummy! But you are also single get a boyfriend or a husband from OPM now(my dad is late since 02) she hasn't discuss married since then I cannot come and kee mysef

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  39. When i got married I felt the same way. We were always fighting, insulting and I knew we weren't compatible; of course we weren't because we are different people from different homes, upbringing etc.

    My parents never wanted to hear divorce, infact they abandoned me and despite they are divorced, none of them supported me so i was on my own.

    Fast forward 3 years later, i am grateful for their stand towards me. I still argue with my hubby but in the morning, it has been totally forgotten. He now understands me, same way i understand him and I can't believe but i love him more now. This is a man I don't think i had serious feelings for oh, our sex game is Wow! and we take life as it comes. Mind you we have gone through hell as a couple, from loosing his job to do many things that could break any home.

    So my advice is to give it time, talk to God, look within your heart and ask yourself questions. If he isn't violent, and he provides plus you know he isn't a bad man, love will grow. It's is a garden and can look beautiful when it's tended to with love.

    ReplyDelete

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