Hmmmm.........
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A MOTHERS INTUITION
last weekend, my mum-in-law came to pick my daughter to spend the weekend with her, I allowed it because it’s the first time. I am the type that doesn’t like to leave her daughter for someone else because of the things we read on social media about child molestation and I know some few people close to me that have been molested in one way or the other.
when my mother suggested I bring her for holiday, I declined and told her she will only visit her when I want to visit. My mil stays with her house help, a 15years old boy and that is my main problem. When they were leaving, she told the boy to carry her on his lap while she was driving, my daughter is a year 2months old.
After they left, my mind wasn’t at rest until she brought her back last Monday and I thought that was it not until she came to pick her again on Saturday night, my husband wasn’t at home when she came but I guess they discussed it over the phone before coming for her.
She didn’t inform me she was coming for her because she doesn’t call me nor pick my calls when I call, this has been going on for a while after a misunderstanding me and my husband had in April this year. The thing now is I want to confront my husband and tell him am not comfortable with my daughter going his mum’s place and state my reasons but I don’t want him to think it’s because she has personal issues with me which isn’t even the case here or am I overreacting on this issue? Thanks.
*My dear you are not over reacting oh... is it better to sit back and say nothing and have your fears confirmed?.Please tell your hubby about your fears....
Na see finish cause your mother in law to treat you the way she is....your hubby must have bad mouthed you to her serially......
And it looks like you don't have a say in your home..
Please bring up the issue with your man
I can't even allow my 2 yr old leave my sight apart from school,talk more of a year and 2 months old baby.as in sleeping outside.I reject
ReplyDeleteYour MIL and her Son are planning against you and you are falling into it, you are watching them take your Child away from you gradually. Your husband wants out of the marriage and they want to take your daughter from you.
DeleteDo not allow your MIL take your Child again, refuse them , please.
No one, absolute No One can take my Child away from me. I'd rather end a marriage than allow my Child go to wherever in the name of wanting to "play" a good wife. May God guide you.
I hope the house boy isn't the last one feeding and bathing the baby? Chai!!! Madam you get mind o. You better do something about it fast before its too late. How can someone I'm not in talking terms with come to my house and kidnap my baby all in the name of mil. I laugh in Swahili... I can't even imagine it. If you don't act fast she will start coming every weekend and it will later become a daily routine. Afterall, you don't have a say
DeleteFirst of all, I want to start by saying that you're mad! So Because of fear of "what they'll say", you risk the health and life of your child? What if, your mil herself is evil, or a child molester herself?
DeleteWhat does she mean by not discussing anything with you prior to coming for your baby, she just entered your house, and you carry baby give am?
OK, let's think a little further now - about the spiritual realm. What if she's got some spiritual shit going on and wants to drag your daughter into it
What if she's already even done it?
How can you be this stupid? A child of just 14 months?!! 😭 If it's a place that some of you women are meant to be wise, you won't. If it's a place you're not supposed to show urself, you'll go there and show yourself.
Again, does your mil have no regards for you? Does she see you as some shit or what? Nna ee, munwa ọghọ ta họ kwa ịhea oo! Walahi! I no understand.
Anon please take the first advice up there. I have seen this happen. By the time you are shoved out of your marriage, your daughter won't miss you.
DeletePoster, Cherish D has said it all. Please take her advice
DeleteWhy would she be coming to pickup your daughter when you didn't ask for her help and without your approval? Do they want to take your kid away from you? Stop letting her take her. If she comes tell her your daughter was invited for a party or you have a doctor's appointment. Who took her own kids away from her that she is coming to take yours? I hope you have your own money. Better start planning how to become financially independent because her coming anytime to take your kid without your approval isn't a good sign.
DeleteYou are a careless woman! How will you allow your daughter out of your sight, knowing there’s a boy living in that house? Are you scared of your hubby? You can’t leave your daughter with your mum, but you can do that with your mil? You better protect that child like a mother would. It is a wicked world out there! #soangry#
DeleteSo they will just make plans without you, your own work is to dress and pack your baby's things and hand her over in this kind of period where demons are on rampage with homo acts Madam you try.
ReplyDeleteSee talk to your hubby ooo. Learn to say NO my daughter can't go this time politely by the time you say No like 3 times your mil will get the message.
Help me tell her.
DeleteAs in,, madam you are not overreacting please and how can she not inform you she is coming to pick your daughter. That baby is too young to go spend wknd with anyone, she can barely talk to tell you anything that happens over there or ways she was treated that she wasn't comfortable with. Poster please have a talk with your husband even if he doesn't see reasons with you, stand your ground and protect your daughter. When she is old enough she can go visit her grandma and with your consent. Some mothers in-law can so over step their boundaries.
DeleteI don't know why this post gave me shivers.I hardly comment on chronicles but I have to.
DeleteTrust your maternal instincts always.That baby is way too young to be with anyone.She is still a baby.Can't talk,can't express herself,won't even remember the evil anyone will do to her.You shouldn't be only scared of the houseboy,but your mother in law too.Because of her attitude towards you.
I guess you are afraid of your husband and he might be a mummy's boy,reason why you are afraid to express yourself.But please you have to stop this arrangement now before it is too late.Your Child's life is important please.If MIL can come pick her up to be with her,what stops her from staying in your house to be with her grandchild,or you going with your daughter for that short time.
Create a fake doctor's appointment with your daughter in a government hospital because of the long queues(in case she will say,she would wait until you are back or will go and drop you) and from there go to a friend's house.I don't even know how to make up lies,but make up a believable thing that will make the request stop.
This situation is really dicey.And needs a lot of wisdom to approach.Goodluck.And yes,with the rate of child molestation that houseboy is bad news.And I am sure he will be the one bathing and changing her diapers.Because I doubt a grandma with a houseboy is domesticated or could care about a grand child that she treats the woman that birth her like trash.
Kai, this is not good at all. You can make excuses why you can't let your daughter visit when you are not there. And then when she wants your daughter to visit, avail yourself until she can talk for herself.
ReplyDeleteNo you are not overreacting.
You are not over reacting. Confront your husband and make him understand your fears. You have to be smart and protect your child.
ReplyDeleteAs for your mum in-law, I don’t know what happened between you two, but she needs your permission to have your daughter spend time with her.
Your husband didn’t even talk to you about itand that shows all is not well in your home.
I think it’s disrespectful not talking to you about it. Her son is not the only parent to that child.
I no Dey joke with my daughter abeg. Which kin? Wen house boy begin give a.m. dick to swallow and sperm. Na sorry e go end , wen her fellow old pple come and start putting finger in her pussy. Na sorry e go end
ReplyDeleteOga , ehen pls this is a girl child , d society of today is highly perverted, my child’s possibly of getting molested is 💯 %. Biko if I had a girl house help , I for no too mind but this one, is a big NO NO. Ur mama call u , u no tell me, u carry pikin wey I carry for belle 9months give a.m. ? Hisssssssss
Girl house helps molest too.They can molest both your daughters/sons.Especially your sons.Just be careful of everyone around your children.Don't be lenient with any gender.
DeleteSome of you have heart oo. I can never allow my daughter to go to her alone even if there's no Male child in her house. What if a visitor comes to her house and moleste your child? What if she gets kidnapped?
ReplyDeletePlease you are not overreacting. If your husband doesn't agree with you, just say a simple no when next she comes. Moreover if she's not talking to you, why is she picking your child?
A woman's instinct is seldom wrong. Please prioritise your daughter's interests and safety above every other thing.
ReplyDeletePoster that child is your child and not for your mil, why must your mil insist that your little child must stay with her for weekend? She should gie vyou guys some space and allow ou train your child the way you want to.
ReplyDeleteDo not waste anytime in confronting your husband, let him know your fear. You and your mil are not in talking terms cos you and your husband had a fight since April, I am sure you and your husband already made up yet your mil is still carrying face. Some women are just troublesome, why in heavens name will your mil carry the fight btw husband and wife on her head like is her work?
Please let your husband understand you are not comfortable with your child going to stay with his mum, let her change her attitude. You cannot s carrying face for me and yet my child will go and spend weekend in you. If you cannot love me that gave birth to that child forget my child. Your husband is to be blamed, he has be little you before his mum, you don't have a say about your daughter. God help you, I pray you are working not a full housewife.
Witchcraft.rubbish!
DeleteHow on earth will this 1 year old toddler cope with this war front you, your husband and MIL have created?
ReplyDeleteYou quarreled with your husband and MIL was no longer in talking terms with you; really?
But she will want to take a child that hasn't even been weaned from you?
Nne, your first duty here is to begin to mend the fences that has been erected and quench the fires that
has been lit in this in this chaos you call your home.🤷♀️
Nobody will do that for you. It is not a question of who is wrong or right.
YOu have little kids present and coming
to raise and you cannot afford to set the house on fire when they are there.
God in his mercy can also decide not to send kids into this inferno because "he is expecting godly offspring" (google this statement and see for yourself.)
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
The truth is that when you become a grandma, you too will want to have your grand kids around you. But in this present situation? Mbanu.
I know that ndi uta will not spare my smooth 🤐🤐🤐today but whosai
truth must be told.
🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Are you saying that God can decide to deprive them of children in future because she won't let MIL take her daughter, without her permission? Ode.
Delete@Ajebo
DeleteAre you ajebo in understanding?
Okwa ajuju ooo
You did not read "...in the present circumstances?" Mbanu -NO
Biko nne I was talking about the fire raging in their home
Who sends kids inside fire?
And remember that I did say "God may not..." understanding English
Did you google that "he is expecting godly offspring?"
Okwa ajuju ooo
You just jump in and comment your arrows? 😮😮😮
Do you raise godly offspring inside an inferno?
Zaa m ajuju ooo
This is not fair Na,nne you are not over reacting tell your husband your fears,he will understand and relate to his mom
ReplyDeletePoster better follow your intuition ooo. I can never leave my baby of a yr,not my girl or boy for my mum sef unless I'm visiting too.
ReplyDeleteHa! I would never let anyone take my baby girl away for a few days if I'm not going to be there to supervise. You aren't over reacting. Tell your husband you are not comfortable and give reasons and I know he might wave your reasons aside but you must insist that you don't want your girl going anywhere for a weekend until she's old enough. That's your baby girl, you should put your foot down on this!
ReplyDeleteListen to Stellas advice. I no want read another chronicle lateroooo
ReplyDeletereading this chronicle alone pisses me off, madam how can u not be able to protect ur baby that's so young, Wow! I'm just imagining my self in ur shoes, my MIL will kill me first before taking my child to any visit.How did u even allow ur husband to look down on u in this manner, infact make I stop to write cos I the vex.sad sigh
ReplyDeleteMadam, you're to loose with you child,that girl should still be breast feeding at that age and shouldn't be let out oh your sight. A whole 48 hrs without a child of that age? Are you sure another plan isn't in motion to take away that girl from you. Just thinking aloud
ReplyDeleteIs that baby not to small to spend weekends in any home besides yours? Did you say a year and two months?
ReplyDeleteWith a 15year old male help?
Talk to your Husband poster and present all your concerns to him, hopefully he sees the light and does the needful.
Do this as quickly as you can so you don't end up with regrets.
Please have a talk with your husband that is still too young to leave your sight. Don't allow her go again. Worst case go with her for the weekend to your MIL.
ReplyDeleteHa! Madam you're sleeping on a long thing oo. Politely tell your MIL your babygirl won't be spending weekends with her again. A mother hen protects it's chicks, you should protect your baby girl. You say the mama has a male housemaid? Eh God!
ReplyDeleteDo you examine your baby when she comes back from them like this? I'm scared for you ooh
Stand in the gap for that girl, you owe her that. If it'll bring down the roof, so be it.
Please your daughter is too young to be spending the night away from you her mother. Doesn't she cry? This is just wrong on all levels. They no longer inform you before coming for YOUR DAUGHTER! What are you, a surrogate? Y'all need to revisit and revise this matter please.
ReplyDeleteFollow your intuition. While it is good MIL wants to take the baby in form of relieving stress, what she did is wrong and very wrong coming to pick your baby without informing you.
ReplyDeleteStand your ground and let your husband know you are not in support. This is bad.
She might have good or bad intention. Every body is a suspect until proven
Hmmm... they are using style to want to take your baby away from you. If you like sit down and be watching like mumu.
ReplyDeletePoster i am even scared on your behalf. Pls tell your husband, pls explain your fears in a way that it will not cause issues. Good luck
ReplyDeleteThat child is too small to be away frm you as frequent as that. You are not sick, you dont have any problem why is she alway taking her away frm you?
ReplyDeleteYou are not over reacting my dear,you are a good mother!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine and of my kids staying outside my home for a day,not to talk of a 1 year old.....kuku kill me!
You have to fight for your daughter's safety and damn the consequences!
Tell your hubby that your daughter is still too young to stay with mama,that when she's old enough to express herself,she can go and stay with mama during holidays.Dont tell him your fears o,he might tell his mum and they will use it against you.
For now,you need to fight and protect your daughter from your intrusive mother in law and husband!
If they insist,take few of your clothes and follow mama,tell her that your baby needs you and you must go with them.
She will know how serious you are and she will stop.
If your hubby cannot listen to you or discuss your daughter's welfare with you,there's a very big problem and you need to fix it!
A baby of 14months?? Mazda, please that baby is young to be out of your sight for that long.and why would she come pick up YOUR daughter without checking if its fine with you?
ReplyDeletePlease ask your hubby to talk to her. She should wait till your baby is older..
You are joking with your daughter's destiny. If your MIL does not like you, then she can never genuinely like your daughter/children. Be guarded woman! A lot of people experiencing problems today, is as a result of things done to them in their childhood. Be careful of who you leave your children with. A word is enough for the wise!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteHow can you hate me and love my daughter?
Who can take care of a child better than the mother?
Anon 16:33, thank you o. This is what I tell my husband too and thank God he has seen through his mother's pretence, thank God for call Recorder. If your mother in law does not like you, she cannot like your children. Poster please be guided o.
DeleteAt least your own mother in law is showing you she does not like you, my own will be faking love, and will be showing her true colors when she thinks I can't hear her or see her but God who sees and knows all things will not keep secrets from his children.
Initially my MIL did not even care about her grandchild, until my husband hinted at her behavior, all of a sudden she started calling and saying she misses her grandchild, so we started sending him over to spend the weekend. I later noticed my son started touching women's breast but I cautioned him and was wondering where he learnt that from as he never used to do that and there are only two women that have ever watched him, me and my MIL. We stopped by at MIL one day and she carried him, next thing he started pulling her cloth up and was trying to touch her breast. This is a toddler that had been weaned off breasts for more than 1 year. The kind of thoughts that were running through my mind, I had to caution myself to stop thinking such. We still sent him there at a later time (eventhough my mind was not at peace) until she went against my husband's instruction by sneaking to give him something my husband said she must not give him. She probably didn't realize we would find out. We have concluded he's not going there anymore unless we go to visit and he won't sleep there either.
Poster, your home is your fortress...you have authority over your home and your spouse...rein into your husband lovingly and have a conversation with him and take back your home. Most importantly, this is your child.
Your mind is twisted. First of, your in law will never allow harm befall your daughter. For me, your husband planned whatever is going on, so blame your husband not your mother in law. Be careful how you handle it, don't allow it degenerate into a crisis. Yes, she is too young but the fact your mum can't have access to her without you doesn't mean her paternal grandmother can't . Again handle it with care.
ReplyDeleteHer mind is twisted ke! if you are not seeing the problem in this arrangement then check yourself well oh.
DeleteA 14months baby going for weekend without the mother...thats a Big red light. And the person in question doesn't even talk with her.
Nne discuss the matter with your hubby. But I really wonder the kind of man he is 🙄🙄🙄
Anonymous 16:55, I doubt you are a mum. If you were, you wouldn’t type all you just did!
DeleteAs the manage to plan without you, manage like that too and refuse giving them your baby. I see this as disrespect from your MIL and husband.
ReplyDeleteA year two months old baby. Hmmmm your MIL is looking for wahala ooo. Well I blame your husband for letting it happen. I don't allow my wife take my daughter to her sisters because I trust no one oo. Instead I tell my wife to bring her sisters kids to the house.
ReplyDeletePoster u get mind o, my in laws wanted to start this rubbish with me, I said for where, u can not be talking to me and be friendly with my baby, for where... When I stamp my feet for ground for husband he has learnt to look away when they asked now. Don't even start rubbish, a child that can't express herself?
ReplyDeleteWhere are your parents woman ?? You don't have anyone to help speak with your husband's family ? You better bounce those people nicely and hold your daughter close .one-day she'll take her and that's the last time you'll see your child. Nigerian police won't help you because it's family issue better stamp your feet now to avoid had I know.
ReplyDeleteThey are planning to take away that child from you gradually.
ReplyDeleteThis is a simple case nau.
ReplyDelete"Mama I dont feel comfortable with my daughter around young boys". She may ask if you think she wont supervise properly. But stand your ground and say same with your husband. Let him and her read meanings. Na them sabi. Important thing is you get what you want and your child is safe.
Most of us (Nigerians) have a hard time sticking to what we believe because we have been so bugged down by culture and expectations of others. Others have been told that they are "too much" "ITK" and over time, they grow silent. Dont let anyone silence you cos most of the people who do are either ashamed of their level of ignorance and too proud to admit it; or are actually aware but lowkey envy your outspoken nature. It is better you speak up and be called names now, than to be silent and wish you spoke up, when you should have.
Never be afraid to be called names, called difficult, excessive, over sensitive, over bearing, quarrelsome, etc. NEVER!! Because you know what? You arent wrong. You're just feeling things earlier than other people do. Take me for example, several times on this blog I've attacked certain things and gotten backlash from BVs. Much later, it will turn out that I was spot on and maybe even telling the future 😂 imagine what happens in my personal life?? Like last year, the company I was working for I told them that my boss was a fraud and if she isnt reported certain things will happen. Many assumed I was jealous of her role because she was less qualified and I was her subordinate. Even she thought I was jealous of her and started acting a fool. Guess what? I left (and that did prove that I had a hatching plan all along and was NOT eyeing anyone's job). And guess what? EVERYTHING I said will happen, HAPPENED. And the particular person I warned is bearing the blunt of it all. And when he came complaining to me, I told him "but I told you so!"
Google: sensitive strivers. People like us are first to spot a problem and start reacting based on the perceived disaster ahead. Some people arent but develop it in motherhood because if the intense spiritual connection between mother and child. Please, don't let it go. Shake the table and protect your child. I'm not a mother yet, but I can tell you I won't back down if i were. Doesnt matter if your husband is paying the bills and you arent. Dont be silent. He is doing his job and you are doing yours (mothering!!) Protect! Protect!! Protect!!! Until your child can manage themselves.
Good luck!
Chikito, thank you for this,this spoke to me,I am actually a sensitive striver. That is it..
DeleteThank God my 12 month old daughter doesn't even let anyone except her dad and 1 carry her. I no get strength for inlaws story
ReplyDeleteHello poster, I was in this position a few years back. My sisters-in-law used to take their children to their mum for holidays and other breaks and my husband wanted me to take my 2 year old daughter there too. I asked him how I can do that without being there to watch her as she's so young. It caused a huge quarrel. He felt that I didn't want my daughter to go there because I didn't want her to 'blend' with her cousins. His mother had a thirteen year old that stays with her abd she's an entrepreneur who goes out often. I asked him which adult will stay with them whenever she goes oit and he said the older cousins will take care of them. Those ones where like thirteen or fourteen and they were boys. I flatly refused. I told him that I didn't trust the boy that lived with her and tried to make him see reason. He refused to listen. But I stood my ground. It made a bad person in their sight, but my daughter was my priority. A couple of years ago, this boy was caught with a phone they didn't buy for him and he was carefully hiding. The phone had lots of porn, both videos and pictures, the likes that will make an adult cringe. All of them started scrambling around checking their daughters for assault, seeing that the boy carries these little girls and sometimes is left at home with them. Thank God that non of them was molested. I stayed in one corner quietly smiling to myself. My husband is now convinced that I am a witch.
ReplyDeleteOh oh my God y are some mothers this stupid,because you don't want your husband to be mad with u so your daughter should pay the price? Do ever leave your daughter to spend weekend or holiday with any one. She's too young for that ah ,knowing fully well that she can't talk now hmmm if anything happens to her she can't tell you. You should protect her no matter what it will cost u
ReplyDeletePoster i am so angry!!!14mthd old.Fear of what?Mother in law?If your chikd gets molested blame is on you and you wont forgive yourself .Discuss with yoyr husband nd damn the consequencies.mother in law go calm down when body tell her
ReplyDeleteDon't discuss with your hubby.
ReplyDeleteNo need cos he is not man enough and has put u down.
Anytime she comes Tell her,your baby is strong and you want to take care of her yourself,
If your hubby ask you explain calmly your fears,if he makes a mount hill ignore him.
If she comes and he is home then refuse and stand your ground.if u are quarreling,be shouting that your mum wants to break your home in her presence.
There will be storm,but it will definitely calm down.
But your words will sink to her head .
My son cannot spend the night with my mum not to talk of my MIL with all this heart breaking stories going around you get mind poster talk to your husband stating your fears because a womans instinct is never wrong
ReplyDeleteI trust my husband my MIL and myself. Nobody go like to start world war. Carry my child bawo?
ReplyDeleteI am so angry that I can't type my thoughts. Madam, don't give devil a chance.
ReplyDeletePlease you are not overreacting. I met a 6 year old girl just last week weho was defiled by her mother's elder sister's hubby in the US. The woman and her daughter went to visit her elder sister in the US and that was how she got defiled by this evil man. Though he's serving term in prison now but the 2 sisters are not on talking terms. You need to see how cold this sweet girl is. Plssssss stand your grounds that your daugter isn't going anywhere without you. Besides she is yohr daughter 1st before she is anyone's grandchild.
ReplyDeletePoster, your approach depends on the kind of man you married. If he is the listening type, then talk to him but if he is all these proud mommy's boy, don't bother. Anytime your MIL comes follow her with your child. Or can't you visit? Tell her you want to spend time with her too. It will foster a bond between the two of you, you will keep an eye on your child, and give your husband room to think straight. He will put an end to it himself . Also, in case they want to pull a fast one on you, his mother will be your mouth piece. Pally her well. There is no point staying back and having sex with a useless husband who you can't talk to OR who can't reason with you or stand up for you. Don't turn it into a fight oh. Because, you can never win it. Rather, stoop to conquer. Call her on Friday after your first visit to find out if she will be coming. Call it girls weekend. Let her know how much you look forward to it. If she wants to make you uncomfortable till you explode and misbehave. Don't allow her win. It's a game.
ReplyDeleteAs a mother you have every right to feel anyway you want to regarding your child. Your Mil had her chance to mother her children and you did not disturb her, you should have the opportunity to mother yours as you see fit without disturbance or interference. You being protective of your child is valid, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteIt's all a plot and your MIL is holding all the cards. If you have a friend or colleague that doesn't pick your calls, you would have found a way of resolving the issue. Don't ignore your MIL. If she's hurt about something, get to the bottom and settle it. A woman knows how and where to hurt another by taking your child away. Right now, you are ridding the wrong horse. Your husband can't speak to his mum. Carry that woman on your head like gala just for now and see things fall in place. I pray God calms every storm rocking your boat.
ReplyDeleteThat baby is too young for sleepovers please. She belongs to mummy's bedside for now. Enforce that.
ReplyDeleteWait oh... Did I read well? Did you say your baby is two months old? As in 60 days old? Or was it a typo? Who takes a month old baby from her mother? Abi you didn't mama you and baby are doing baby friendly? Are your boobs not full of milk and hurting already? Chai I don't want to make you feel bad so I will stop here....two months????
ReplyDeleteOh a year and two months ( not like days any better sha) but all day my plenty rant...jeez my heart beat has slowed down small. You would have gone along with them poster.
ReplyDeleteBut why will your husband even be okay with the decision of you and his 1 year old baby being outside both of your care for a whole three day's ? lady please confront him and tell him that you are not comfortable with it.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter will be 5years next month,i don't allow her go for holidays,and i don't even allow boys come to my house for holidays. I intend to have only her and so i must guard her jealously. My dear something is going on,your husband might not be aware but maybe his a mummy's boy so his mum can easily manipulate him. Or his one of these men that will say my mum can't harm my child if she can why didn't she harm me. My dear stand your ground dont let that child out of your sight again.
ReplyDeleteShe is too tender to leave ur sight na.haba....pls don't allow that again Biko
ReplyDelete