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HUSBAND WITH PLENTY FEMALE FRIENDS


Hi Stella

Please I need advise from my fellow blog visitor. Please pardon any errors as am in pains typing this.


My husband likes to keep female friends even though he knows I’m not comfortable with it, before we got married, I saw a female panties and slippers in one of hi’s bag the day I came to visit, I asked who’s panties was that, he told me a friend, although i have met her before in Abeokuta . 

He said she came to Lagos to write exams and she doesn’t know anyone except him, so she decided to crash at his place. 

Another lady he claims to be friends with from childhood slept at his place, I found out because I saw a postinor 2 in his dustbin and a travelling receipt from Dubai in the girls name. when I confronted him, he said she came with a guy to his place from Dubai and started accusing me of snooping again, I ended up apologising.

 There are other female friends he claims he’s friends with but will excuse himself when I’m present to go receive calls and that is where my curiosity begins, I asked him who this person is, he tells me they are friends. 

We got married in 2012 and I was thinking all that will stop, but it continued, he even talks to his ex girl friend, telling her she is beautiful the lady also sends pictures of her Tummy to show him her once flat Tummy is now getting bigger. 

When ever I complain, he tells me I’m insecure and I love snooping. At the end of the day, I always end up apologising. Before we travelled out of the country, there’s one of his female colleague, her name begins with an N, my husband works very far so most time he comes Home late and when he’s home by 11pm, he keeps talking to this N lady while am there, I always feel disrespected and tell him to stop doing that, I mean he’s been with this lady since at work, what is there to discuss that you can not discuss at work the next day.

 I tell him, when he’s home, he should face his family. Although I got to meet the lady and she’s a happy soul but sometimes I still feel angry with so many things he did while they were friends. I would have mentioned them all but that is in the past, I want to focus on the present. 

Fast forward to now, we left Nigeria for another African country, before we left Nigeria, I begged him to stop with this keeping of female friends and he should not try it in this country we are going to as the girls are very desperate here and there are many cases of HIV in this country. Oga did not Listen, he met another female colleague and this time, they start texting themselves at 11pm while I’m in the room, he’s in the other room texting.

 During this period i was 7 months pregnant, there was a day he left home and said he was going to work, unknown to him, I knew there was no work that day. 

My husband had booked a room in an hotel and he went for this lady’s party which was held there. I later found out and asked him but he denied it. I cried my eyes out that day and he totally ignored me and went on sleeping, this was 2 years ago. He left the company and started working somewhere else, in my own mind I thought since he’s not working there, they have stopped talking, this man kept communicating with her and meeting after work or during work hours.

 We had a big fight about it and I told him I’m tired of the union already, we sat down and talked and for the first time, he felt remorse because I had to pour out my mind and told him what i have been stomaching for all these years, he promised he won’t be friends with this lady anymore, he also told me there was nothing between them and that they are friends because she trying to get a contract for him. I told him if you want to be friends with this lady, set boundaries. 

After the talk I believed they had stop communicating like before, I also told him to stop deleting their chat on WhatsApp if he claims they are friends. after that, i checked their what’s app messages and saw their chat discussing on the contract. Fast forward to a year later, the new company he works for have other branches in other African countries, so they sent him and his other colleagues to go work on some projects there, this was February, so I just discovered now that this lady was at that same country with him during that period, I was devastated, I confronted him and told him I knew and he didn’t deny it, He said he told her he was traveling and she said she wants to come. 

He told me he can’t tell her not to come. I even told him I knew this lady saw you and also came to your hotel. He said she just came to see him and they went to an eatery and then they entered a taxi, he dropped at his hotel leaving her in the taxi so the taxi can drive her back to her hotel. I told him he was lying and he said he’s done talking because there’s nothing he would say that will convince me. he always says this each time we have issues regarding things like this. That was how the conversation ended. 

A week later I told him we needed to talk because the issue was still bothering me, he started shouting at me and saying all sort of things like I’m very insecure, and all that. He has told me nothing happened between them, they are just friends and nothing more and I’m free to believe whatever I want to believe. 

My people, I don’t know what to do anymore. I have told him several times that this thing he’s doing hurts me. But he’s saying I can’t tell him not to keep female friends. But he never make friends with the responsible ones. He’s also ready to loose this marriage because of that. Oh! I forgot to mention that I, this lady, and his ex girl Friend both look alike, we 3 have a striking resemblance. 

You will think we are related. 

At this point I feel like he’s tired of the marriage already and I also feel tired. 

I’m really confused. I’m just 28 years old and he’s 36, I have been experiencing this since I was 20years. I got married at the age of 21. I dated him for 3years before we got married.

 I have been jobless since we got to this country because I don’t have a work permit but i just became a permanent resident. I’m trying to put my life back and get something doing because I’m a graduate, maybe that way, I can focus on myself and just leave him be. Please I’m fed up already i didn’t imagine my marriage will be this way. All have ever wanted was a good marriage and one that I will be happy in. But most times I have experienced hurt, sadness and even emotional abuse, sometimes during the cause Of our argument, he tells me I’m possessed and stupid and so many other curse words. 

this man is killing my self esteem. although this man really takes good care of me and the kids financially, he gives me almost anything I want, he paid for my university fees from 100 level till my last year and I’m grateful for that. Am I doing something wrong, I’m i Overacting, is it possible or okay for married men to be friends with female and things like this don’t mean they are in a relationship, am I being paranoid or insecure just like he always says? Please I need your advise.

*WOW that was a long read!!!

It is possible that he is having a relationship with all these women and it is also possible that they are just friends...Some people can only keep friends of the opposite sex..Maybe you are indeed insecure and maybe you are not...

Thing is you have not seen anything concrete that shows he is cheating...

Maybe you should concentrate on getting your life back and doing other things as well.go out,find friends to hang out with and watch what he does....

If he is really serial then you have a problem with possibly being gifted ST or STD or even the bigger ones!