STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Abeg Bvs, help me o. when i was 6 months preggy, a woman in my office who is better than me in every aspect. in terms of age, money, level, experience, exposure, in short everywhere, i no reach her. she asked why my tummy was big, then i told her i naturally have a big tummy, she said i should watch my weight.
Two days later, she angrily told me why did i lie to her about my pregnancy. that whats the big deal in pregnancy that she will report me to her village women. i took it with a pinch of salt.
My people, i gave birth 3 months ago and my baby died (the doctor was speechless cos no medical reason for my baby to die). can you believe that the woman is still carrying face for me?
I feel like turning into a scorpion and kill her. i cry everyday in my closet. I'm bitter and angry and i hate her. i strongly believe she killed my son. can i ever forgive this woman?
*Na wah!!!....What proof do you have that this woman Killed your baby?The Doctor being speechless does not mean he did a thorough Job on you.........You know how Nigerian Doctors are..............
Maybe you are the one carrying face for her....I really don't know but approach her and tell her you lost the baby and see her reaction....
I hope in heavens name that she is not a witch!
Poster, sorry about your son. God will bless you with one soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat reason(s) has she to kill your child?
That she confronted you about lying to her you were pregnant is not enough to finger her abeg.
Turning into a scorpion to kill her, would that bring back your son?
Take it easy!!
Sluttychic.
Sorry about your son.
DeletePoster I gave birth 2 tears ago and my beautiful baby girl died.NO REASON. The doctor was surprised too. I was bitter, angry , suicidal etc. I even posted here one time about it coz I was planning to send in my Labour room drama when I deliver. I looked for whom or what to blame. But today, God blessed me with another cutie who's 6 months old. I'm not more bitter etc but I still wish my baby was alive. You'll never forget your baby poster, but the pain will ease with time. That being said, these things happen. Your colleague didn kill your baby...i even saidmy aunt killed mine too coz she came to my house for the first time the week i delivered...but looking vack, i know it was just pain clouding my judgement ...sorry for your loss darling...God will console you with twins
DeletePlease take things easy and take your worries and cries to God.So sorry about your loss,God will give you another child.
DeleteWhen things of this nature happens you want to blame everybody but bear in mind that if God did not sanction it, it won't happen. I would have been a first time mum by november but I miscarried at 11 weeks. Every finger was pointing at a particular person but I refused to work with it. I sat down to consider a lot of reasons why it happened. It could be neglect from the hospital. It could be my age, it could have been the fact I didnt even know I was pregnant until 8 weeks.
DeleteYou might end up becoming enemies with innocent people. Allow God to take control and I pray God will console you.
Anon 15:47 God bless you
Deletethere is a big possibility the woman has nothing to do with your child's death. Dont blame her. If i were in her shoes and you hid the pregnancy from me, i will also feel bad. You can not be accusing her like that
DeleteAre you the husband? Why will you be upset? The only reason to be upset is if you are close to the person and the person doesn't say.
DeleteBut if you are not what's the issue here? Why do you want to know if she is pregnant or not?
So sorry for your loss dear. I pray God consoles you, the way only He can.
DeleteIn future, when you are obviously showing a bump, or have told a few others in your circle about your pregnancy, there is no need to lie to another. The best thing to do, would be to smile and not give any misleading answer at all. At 6months, your bump would’ve been obvious and even if she was oblivious to your pregnancy, you should’ve ignored her politely.
It is well with you. May God bless you with as many more as you want, and may affliction not rise again. Amen. Stay strong!
Bele they hide? Poster you were childish and too primitive, even by ur "she pass me"tells ur mentality. It's ur type I avoid as friends, because friends like you will not let one grow with ur someone is after me mentality. Your type concentrate on what is after them rather than whatbtBy are after at the end of the day failure is ur name.
DeleteMost Nigerians and their crazy beliefs in someone chasing them. Madam more likely it was a medical issue
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss
Oh dear,so sorry about the death of your baby,you can pray instead of confronting her as confrontations can be brutal
ReplyDeletefirst of all why did you say she is better than you?..wrong. That statement i will report you to my village women where is it coming from like what's the correlation that's an expensive statement besides why did you not simply tell her you're pregnant and even if you didn't what's her business..
ReplyDeleteMaybe she had reservations about the woman so she tried to hide it. The statement the woman made is quite strange, this is Africa, we are superstitious people and that statement was really uncalled for..
DeletePoster, pray about it. Psalm 109 and Psalm 35.
And pls add psalm 101. Very good Psalm.
DeleteSorry for your loss, you will have as many healthy children as you want by God's grace. The woman was disappointed you lies to her and if she is from the SE, the comment that she will report you to her age people is nothing but a joke. Women from different towns have their meetings in cities where they live (you could have seen women on Sundays with same wrapper and blouse) and they would report themselves at the meeting where the matter will be discussed and the guilty party asked to apologise. There is nothing secret or diabolical about it so if someone jokes about reporting you, they were probably trying to tell you they are happy. Why you would lie about a 6 months pregnancy is strange and she probably felt uncomfortable with you living about something that couldn't be hidden and would have been baby news in another 3 months. Your doctor probably missed something. Take heart.
DeletePlease add Psalms 1-150 read everything. Add Lamentations too and End the reading with Revelations. 🤡🤡
DeletePoster take heart over your lost, God will give you double over your lost and i know he will give you a new testimony soon.
ReplyDeleteYou should have confronted the woman before now after she said those words that she will report you to her village women and fight her, you should have make her sign that if anything happen to you or your baby you will not take it easy with her. Now the deed has already been done, you don't have any proof that she killed your baby. No one will listen to you cos you are just saying it, next time if anyone say stupid thing be it threat or joke address it immediately before is too late.
God will console you and give you more babies.
Exactly! Confront people who are unnecessarily bold when they make threatening statements. You should have asked her how she found out and why she is mentioning village women.
DeleteConclude by saying "Me I will report you to Jesus too, ma. All of us can report oh but I know nothing will happen to my baby and I because we are covered in the blood of Jesus. Village women ain't got nothing on a daughter of zion". Say it laughingly.
The next day when you see her greet her and jokingly ask her how her village women are. That hope she told them you are reporting the case to Jesus.
You dont stay quiet and come and be raising suspicion later. And for every pregnant and expecting mother here, DO NOT TAKE THINGS PEOPLE SAY TO YOU DURING PREGNANCY FOR GRANTED. it may not be that the woman is witch but she just released some negativity on you with that rubbish
That kind statement I will report to HR and blow it open sef. So if she has any evil plan she will abort.
And please how does one turn into a scorpion? 🤷🏽♀️
DeleteThanks you Chikito, I would have taken action immediately,I can't downplay such cruel words from a colleague.
Delete@Chikito these are things a well grounded christian would do to an extent. You do-not ask her how her village women are. Say whatever you wish to say after her outburst and leave it be. Fight spiritually with prayers and not physically. Do not taunt such people at all. As for greeting, continue the way you’ve always greeted her, no need going overboard. Most importantly, tell someone what she said, when she said it.
DeletePlease accept my condolences BUT common get out! Did you see her kill your child? That's how you people start heaping unproven allegations against others. I'm very very sorry for the loss of your son but you have to be careful. It's easy to want to blame other people while grieving. My baby died of SIDs. A lot of people touched my belly while I was pregnant and with all my education and doctorate my irrational mind almost took precedence. I desperately wanted to accuse/blame somebody else but alas, as a scientist I knew these things happen sometimes and mourned as much as I needed to. Leave her alone and until you have proof she killed your child then she's innocent. Be with family and friends at this time.
ReplyDeleteYou’re a mad entity why tell her get out?
DeleteU tell a woman who just lost her baby to get out, madam as a scientist that you are, you didn't learn that people grieve in different ways, please calm down OK, you sound like someone bottling up so much anger in her.
DeleteScientists for suleja
DeleteScientist eliza.
DeleteI dont think you are healed at all. You sound frustrated, doctorate or not. Seek help, please
DeleteI understand why the poster said "get out". You who are complaining are rightfully identifying with the grieving mother but not the woman who has been accused without proof. The poster's statement is what ignorant youth would hear, put a used tyre on someone's neck then shower her with petrol and strike a match. Remember the Aluu 4. Some parents hear these kinds of statements and sit their own kids on a hot stove before kicking them out of the house. It is what happens to a woman who is yet to conceive who is not allowed to carry her close friend's baby because suddenly, the same family she has been praying with are so suspicious and superstitious that they think a child given by God can be taken back without His consent. If you believe that anything that happens to you in life has to be permitted by God first, talk to him about what you want instead of pretending to see further than the tip of your nose. I grieve with the poster and pray that she will get pregnant shortly to a healthy child who will live long. I pray this woman who the poster described as better than her in every way will continue to be increased by God and God will in addition, give her more wisdom so that she is not painted in bad light because of her words. Imagine if some people in the office have been told of a pregnancy and you're conspicuously left out. She was put in a funny corner and was scampering for something funny to say. Had this lady just remained mute through the nine months, the poster would still have suspected her for not saying anything congratulatory even when the pregnancy could no longer be hidden. When you think people are superior to you, they know and the poor lady was probably trying to be extra jovial so the poster does not feel intimidated and now see, a suspicion as huge as this!!!
DeleteYou took the words outta my mouth. Best comment so far
DeletePoster so sorry for ur loss..u have every right to be angry judging by ur encounter with her & her words to u but at d same time it could be she didn't harm ur child..if ur intuition is strong enough she did it, then all u need is pray to God to heal u of every hurt n anger u feel towards her then tell God to expose & disgrace d culprit..don't confront her tho, Stay strong
ReplyDeleteNawaoo this one pass me
ReplyDeleteHmmm am sorry to say..But you sound like a witch yourself..This chronicle no get Ishi na Odu...You women should just settle your ish and stop behaving like kids..I am also sorry that you lost your baby , may God give you another one soonest...all the best..
ReplyDeleteShe really sounds like a strong witch
DeleteIt takes a witch to know a witch innit?@shooter gyal
DeleteThe human mind can be funny at times, you should've told her if she reports and anything happens to your child, you would hold her accountable. Again, it might just be a nasty coincidence that's why its not good to fling threats anyhow.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your baby.
Aww dear poster, so sorry about your baby, I really understand how you feel, but please try not to apportion blame on anyone, only God almighty knows what truly happened & why he allowed it, get rid of all forms of anger, bitterness & hatred cos you don't need these. Focus on healing emotionally & physically & watch how the good Lord restore what you lost. Let God be the judge, and let him fight for you.
ReplyDeleteYou seem troublesome.🤨🤨🤨
ReplyDeleteWhy did you lie to her concerning your pregnancy?
I guess you were already envious of her and her achievements and you think she's a witch!
My dear,she might not be responsible for the death of your baby,make peace with her and drop this silly attitude of yours so that God will bless you with another child.
If you know that you are not fortified spiritually,you have to be very careful how you relate with people because most people you see "belong".
Peace🙏
Madam when you are pregnant do you go around telling everyone? She had her reasons to hide it. There is nothing like envy there. And yes the accused woman might not be responsible, but who knows.
Delete@Veteran
DeleteBelong where?
Do you belong too?
spill and let Satan wear the mask of shame.
@Tango,learn to read and comprehend.
DeleteShe was already 6 months gone,why did she deny being pregnant?
I don't go about,announcing my pregnancy and I didn't deny any of my pregnancies.
I don't know if the woman is responsible but she should make peace with her or resign from her job.
@Pinklady,i have read and comprehended, but the fact remains she still has every right not to disclose it, whether it was 6 months or not.
DeleteOn making peace, they surely will do that, the lady will get over her grief and everyone will be fine.
pink lady you make some stupid comments its amazing
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete..."that she will report me to her village women. i took it with a pinch of salt"
ReplyDeleteShe told you this to your face? So weird.
So sorry for your loss. May God in his infinite love give you grace to go through this.
As for vengeance, leave it to God.
You have no proof or evidence to show she's responsible for your child's death. So get over yourself already!
ReplyDeleteIt's a pity
ReplyDeleteGet close to Jesus
And avoid this mistake of hatred and anger🎈🎈🎈💝💝
Sorry for your loss, but the reasoning that mere words can snuff life out of a baby is myopic and diabolic.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry poster. God will bless you again with more children.
ReplyDeleteSis, i'm so sorry for your loss and can't imagine the pain you are going through. Let yourself grieve and mourn for your baby but you don't need all that pent up anger and bitterness over something you are not even sure to be true.
ReplyDeleteDon't do this to your little angel by blaming her death on someone just because.. You don't have any proof and shouldn't be entertaining such thoughts. If it helps, avoid the woman from now.
Instead of occupying yourself with bitterness and anger, seek God's presence. Don't let yourself be isolated cos that is how the devil plant evil thoughts in your head.
Lastly, lean on your husband to process the pain together..i'm sure another baby will come out from it. 🙂
If you woke up in the morning to find your baby dead, or a healthy baby suddenly stops breathing, ysk it's a normal phenomenon in the medical field forgotten what's it's called
ReplyDeleteSIDS
DeleteSudden Infant Death Syndrome.
@Cyclone yass, your head is there, thanks.
DeleteSorry for the loss of your baby. The woman might not be responsible, next time don't take such words as a joke return it back. Find a place in your heart to forgive and be prayerful.
ReplyDeletePoster sorry o, take heart, God will fight for you, it's not your fight, seek God and you will find him, He will bless you with more children.
ReplyDeleteOp let me tell you a story I was told by one of my Sunday school teachers when I was younger
ReplyDeleteWhen she was in secondary school, a fight broke out between two female students, can’t remmber the reason for the fight
So in the heat of the fight, they kept on making threats to each other- purely out of anger- trying to out-threat each other
So that’s how one of the girls, let’s call her A made a very damning threat to the other girl, B
A told B that she if she ever “tried” her again, she would show her “pepper” that night
A went further to tell B that she would kill her if she ever crossed her path again
You know all that usual mouth making that carries no weight
That’s how the fight got separated, they each went to bed but B didn’t wake up the next day, she died in the night
Everybody obviously pointed accusatory fingers at A, whom was shaken and shocked by B’s death
Of course she had threatened her and said things to her the night before, but she claimed she didn’t mean any of that, she was only running her mouth out of anger
B died of a ruptured appendix and it had nothing to do with A or anything that she said, it was mere coincidence that she died after her brawl with A
But nobody wanted to her that- “You said you’d kill her and now she’d dead. You must be a witch” everyone said
A desperately tried to plead her innocence- she didn’t mean any of the hurtful things she had said to B but of course nobody would listen to her
That’s how everyone began to avoid A and treated her like an outcast till she had to switch schools. Till today, my Sunday school teacher said, people still blame her for B’s death
The reason for this long story is for you to know you might be making false accusations, your co worker might have said something damning and coincidentally your baby died
Don’t be quick to jump into conclusions. Come to terms with your loss, forgive your coworker and focus on making another child
It is well with you
Thank you. Not every situation is "Aje ke lana, Omo ku Leni" ( the witch screamed at night and the child died in the morning). Your doctor should have mentioned SIDS to you instead of sending you off uninformed. Just a few years ago in Ekiti, the so called fountain of knowledge, a woman was killed by village youth on the order of their oba because allegedly, the lady killed her rival's baby. I wonder if anyone there had ever heard of a man called Solomon. If you can even physically confront a witch and all the Igbo smoking perpetually drunk youth in the village don't die within the next three hours with their government-appointed oba, is it not obvious the poor woman was innocent? And there are so many cases like this across Africa. Months ago, there was a man who restrained his wife and child with ropes because they were suffering a psychiatric episode. World people in Lagos listened to his ill wife about taking her for rituals and nearly beat him to death. What a weighty accusation. May our mouths not put us in trouble. This is what the colleague gets for trying too hard to be friendly. Now we see why some people in offices are perceived as Grinches and why others stay stupidly silent. You never know what you'll be accused of when someone suffers a challenge common to man.
DeleteDear Poster, please take Stella's advice. Meet her and tell her exactly as Stella has said. Something similar happened in my place of work. I was advice to meet the person. I was kind of which evidence do i have to approach the person. But i met the person to say if i have done anything wrong. In fact, the first thing this person did was to apologize to me and you need to see all the sins this person listed that i committed. These are things that were wrong misinterpreted on my part. That i was praying bla bla bla. I apologize.
ReplyDeleteMadam sorry for what happened but I do you conveniently blame people for your loss? Just like that!
ReplyDeleteWhere's your prove ? Better you try and move on instead of causing yourself unnecessary pain.
Hmmmn, So sorry for your loss,Poster, may God comfort you.
ReplyDeleteBe more prayerful, fast and hold unto God.
You should have acted promptly about her threat, you don't joke with such things, it might just be a coincidence . Anyways, embrace God more and you and your household will be under His shield and protection. She doesn't have any power over you, so never be afraid of her. If she carry face for you, carry your own face back, be spiritually alert. Best of luck.
Sorry Dear... Almighty God will Give you Twins... Big Hugs....
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss poster. May God bless you with more babies. Amen
ReplyDeleteMadam really sorry for your loss. There are so many likely, logical explanations. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is just one of them. Time is the best healer. You are going through the anger stage of grief. It will pass. God is in control. PS Aunty Stella I don't really appreciate the way you generalized Nigerian Doctors like we are some Devils in white coats. Some of us are actually trying to make a difference. It's the same Naija doctors that flourish when they go overseas. Nothing changes just area code.
ReplyDeleteI was offended at that too. I lost my baby in ‘Almighty America’ to something that Nigerian doctors would have managed successfully. The way we bad mouth our own is too much. Only to go abroad and find that we actually aren’t so bad
Deletestop running your mouth too...what is that thing that they could have managed successfully? if it is a sickness common to them in naija they will have experience in managing it not cos they are better. stop giving half gist abeg. alot of naija doctors are utterly annoying tho you cant blame them cos its cos of the society they find themselves. some have just refused to change
DeleteAnon 13:17
DeleteHow many obstetric conditions do you know that are peculiar to only Nigerian women and not women abroad?
You don’t sound very medically informed so I will not be giving you any full gists. Experience, they say is the best teacher
She feels that this is a typical case of "witch cry for night & pikin die for morning" ... but it might just have been a mere coincidence. That's why people should always watch what they say at all times.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, Aunty Stella I'm almost exasperated by some part of your comment which in my opinion wasn't necessary. You didn't have to cast aspersions on Nigerian Drs on this matter since there's obviously no way the story made her Dr complicit.
Please accept my condolence on the passing of your little angel. Sweetheart, it appears you are quite superstitious and that will definitely mess with your head. It never ceases to amaze me that the most superstitious and the most paranoid people I know, happen to be Christians. Quite ironic, isn't it? I was invited to a church programme recently and the prayer points were... not sure how to qualify them. Let's just say it felt more like I was in a shrine than a church. Truly fascinating but not in a good way. How can we, children of Light, attract so much darkness by our fear and negative thinking?
ReplyDeleteDarling, the woman in office would still be in your office after you give birth, all things being equal, no? You thought it wise to lie about your distended belly, how were you going to explain the birth of your baby? Why lie about your obvious pregnancy? I understand the need not to disclose how far gone a pregnant woman is, people have their various reasons, but why lie about your pregnancy? The fear you have that people can harm you, is actually the fuel such negative thinking needs to fester and produce negative results.
I know evil forces exists but when you serve a Living God and your hands are clean, you shouldn't fear the fiery darts of the enemy. Sweetheart, you need to change your mindset. From the beginning to the end of your story, your mindset is evident. What's with the comparison? How does that relate to this narrative? You've jumped to the conclusion that since she is better than you are in every way, she shouldn't be jealous of your pregnancy. I find it difficult to believe that she uttered those words to you and you didn't react. The side of you, portrayed in your story would have brought down the roof and called other people's attention to what she said. I hope you haven't embellished this story to make the lady in question darker than she really is?
You are full of negativity and that can even be toxic to an innocent baby. I had to do a double take when I read the " I feel like turning into a scorpion and kill her." Geez Louise! Who thinks like that? You want to kill her yourself? Whatever happened to God's Justice? Not fast enough, perhaps? Any doctor worth his salt, knows that infant deaths can be unexplainable at times, there isn't much to marvel about. You are so sure the lady is responsible for your baby's death, what if she isn't? I still can't get the whole scorpion thingy out of my head! What a curious choice? Please, sweetie, grieve your loss and stop looking for whom to blame. I pray God blesses you with another angel soon enough. Try not to be too paranoid, please. You attract what you fear.
Wow!
Delete#womanlikeronalda!
You are so correct!
Lol... Ronalda said ‘what a curious choice’
DeleteJokes aside, everything In this comment is the nitty gritty of this issue. Why did you start with such comparison? Why did you feel the need to hide a 6 month old pregnancy from a co worker with such a silly lie? If someone did that to you with a lie of “my tummy is naturally big”, wouldn’t you feel some hurt when you find out they were actually pregnant? Sometimes in a bid to be ‘wise’, we dish out things we will not comfortably accept.
Whether or not she is responsible, we will never know. Will you now ‘eat winch’ because you want to harm someone you aren’t even sure is your enemy?
Coincidentally, I was just telling someone this morning that people lose children, it doesn’t mean that the universe or village people are against you.
I have been in your shoes, and I realized that the prayer is between me and my God, not against whoever I think my enemy is.
I know it hurts so bad Now, but please take heart. You will not forget Baby, but one day it won’t hurt as much. Ask God to bring you to a place of peace so that when the next pregnancy comes, you don’t feel a need to be hiding and thinking negative thoughts. Baby dust to you.
ronalda shut up about this one...most people have wished you could harm someone back for hurting you in anger..she probably choose a scorpion cos she feels the sting would be deadly...its amazing how u judge people....do you know what that woman is like? she has a right to deny the pregnancy if she is not comfortable with who is asking, we know africans and superstitious belief. why will the woman tell her she is reporting her to her village people? is it by force to open up about something? yes the poster might be wrong or she might be right, things happen in this africa...whether we like it or not witchcraft happens and they all dont live in the village. the thing is do you believe it can harm you? stop judjing people as if you live there reality...no be only you wise pass abeg
DeleteHanhan why the beef na God give ronalda no be human being so u accept she is wise but no be she wise pass....abeg i carry ronalda matter likee gala for my head so mind what you say to her because i go give u as e dey hot warning ooooo.
DeleteSorry for your loss. Don't worry the one that will still stay is coming.
ReplyDeleteHalf story.
ReplyDeleteIn raggedy human nature tries to find someone to blame. Have you looked at the statistics for infant mortality in Nigerian? It is high, even maternal data from childbirth is high. You live in a country with a very low life expectancy. Your baby dying could have been from any number of factors. Next time you decide to get pregnant prepare your body for pregnancy from six months ahead. Start taking folic acid, eating good highly nutritious, alive foods. Start exercising and getting into daily spiritual practice by praying, meditating, deep breathing and allow the God energy to rise in you, after you have done all that then go try for a baby.
But Nigerian women self. Why will u just go and ask someone about her tummy??? We are too forward in this country
ReplyDeleteAmericans will ask you even to your due date. They see it as nothing.
DeletePoster pls let go and let God... Even if she is d one, the scriptures says, "vengeance is mine" says The Lord of Host.
ReplyDeleteRid yourself of the bitterness and anger, so God can bless you with another speedily.
For your shame, you shall have double. It's well with you.
Nobody knows exactly how you feel because we are all different and we grieve differently,when we experience loss our mind plays games whatever happened to your baby is in the past,God gave you this baby he has heard your cry he is going to give you more beautiful babies,take all the time you need with every new day things get better and you get closer to your healing,you can visit your church or mosque if u are Muslim, talk to a spiritual leader.
ReplyDeleteShe said she will report you to her village women,poster avoid that woman,she is a witch,ignore all these people forming english here,ignore and avoid the woman and if she tries to talk nonsene with you again,confront her,she is a witch.
ReplyDeleteSO SORRY, THERE SHALL BE NO LOSS........................
ReplyDelete