Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmmmmm










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
COMPLICATED SITUATION

Hi Stella, thank you for this platform that allows us share our minds anonymously.


I met Mr A about 5 months ago. I was new to the area and I didn't have any friends. So I met him after a program, he walked up to me and was very friendly. I wasn't looking at him as a potential toaster but as a potential friend. 


We started talking and he started asking me out almost immediately. He is nice, intelligent (which is must have for me), ambitious and doing well for himself and in his early 30's.
I on the other hand, I'll turn 28 this year. I'm also doing well for myself. I have never asked him for 1 Kobo since we met as I don't believe a guy is meant to be your cash cow once they start asking you out.


To the issue at hand, I'm struggling with my emotions when it comes to him. I don't know if it's because he is short (he is about my height 5"7) and he has a tendency to be very fat too if he doesn't watch it. I was just never attracted to him from the beginning and I thought the attraction would grow overtime when I got to know him better but it still hasn't. It seems like we are in a relationship now but there was never a direct answer. I'm sure if you ask him, he'll say he has a girlfriend.


The physical is not the only thing. He likes talking about s#x a lot and insinuating what he would do when I come over. even though he says it like a joke and he knows I'm saving myself for marriage. I don't even want to spend the night in his place because he would definitely attempt. Talking based on previous short duration visits


He also likes talking about himself a lot. While I'm a good listener, I'll also like someone to be interested in how my day went and not talk about themselves all through the conversation. After all this time, there are still some major things he doesn't know about me and I feel he is simply not interested. 


He is probably just looking for who to marry. He also seems strict like if it's not his way, it's no way at all. I don't even argue, I just keep quiet. He also finds it hard to give a compliment. You can be looking like Beyonce and he won't even say anything.


He is not a bad person. He always calls and we do have a good laugh most of the time. I just see him as more of a friend. I also appreciate he is being himself. Not trying to pretend and then change later.


My dilemma is this; Am I being too selective. A part of me feels like I'm expecting prince charming or Mr. Perfect but I can't help that I'm not attracted to him and I feel like I'm settling. I just feel like I'm forcing myself to like him more than a friend and I also don't know how to walk away. I don't want to waste his time. As I feel like I should be sure by now because he is the only one I have been talking to this period. So it's not like I have distractions or other options. 

Please advise me BV's that have experience in relationships. I really don't know what to do. I'll be in the comment section. Thank you



*Na wah.......Has the man proposed to you ?
Give yourself a break with your many complaints abeg you...
It is even better to Marry a man who loves you more than you love him and not the other way round...
If you feel so strongly about this and do not have any feelings whatsoever for this man,please look for a way to end it before you break his heart....
I really don't see any problem here...he talks too much?then after he is done,talk your own!
He is too short?You tall?
He has a tendency to be fat? well he is not yet and thats not fair!
Abeg you nor get problem......if you dont want let someone else in!

54 comments:

  1. Poster you have every right to walk away and you can do it now that there is still time not when you finally get married to him and start cheating then you start blaming your village people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not getting good vibes from this ya gist poster. Give it time, then japa if nothing changes.

      What I see is there is little physical attraction from your end and you guys don't exactly share the same values.

      Delete
    2. If you don't love him don't marry him. Of course this is if you see marriage as a place for two people who are absolutely in love to share their lives together. If you see marriage as just a way to change your name or status then when you enter you will start managing and reading war room, then please continue. You are on the right path.

      Delete
    3. Poster, you sounded like those who values outward appearance over inward appearance, I may be wrong though.
      • First, you don’t love this man enough to have a relationship with him and any relationship built on pity tends to be shaky. Some people believe they can grow love over time, I don’t know about that. It may be or not be true.
      • Secondly, you have genuine concerns as well, some people are son into themselves that they don’t see the person in front of them. If he can’t compliment you might be from his bringing. Can you force him to take notice of you? It all depends.
      • Another genuine concern, if at this stage of relationship he doesn’t ask or give you time to say how your day went, something is missing. Why is he into himself so much? You can talk to him about this, he might not know it is a negative trait.
      • He had the tendency to grow fat. You can bring this up nicely and tell him the negative sides and encourage him to exercise and make healthy choices. That will also show him that you care for him.
      • He is strict. His way or no way. Relationship thrives on compromise, tolerance and respect. Your way or no way kills relationship. You can talk to him about this by asking him how he feels when things do not happen as he wants them.
      • He is short. Babe he is not growing again. If you are proud of this guy, let him go. You will continually feel inadequate with someone you are not proud of
      • Then, the relationship has not be defined yet, if you are not feeling it, keep it at friend's level. As a friend, you can tell him anything. Tell him all you love about him and tell him what you hate in a friend. Talk to him as a friend, don not give him the impression that you are already a wife.

      Delete
  2. Your misgivings and complaints about him outweighs the positive ones, please find your square root, you ain't into him, left him go, maybe hes thinking of how to bang shege from ya head n ya busy thinking marriage, plus he has a tendency to be fat, meanwhile you dunno how you'd look when u start popping kids.

    Please I need water.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This talk about fat is something else,my 4 year old girl said i should reduce her food because she does not want to be fat.This is someone that needs plenty food to gain weight oo.I asked her who told her and she said her friend .

      Delete
    2. Their type nor dey fit bang sef.

      Delete
    3. Blackberry 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
      Take 💧

      Delete
    4. 😁 I need a full drum.

      Delete
    5. @1524, please reduce the quantity of food you give your four year old. She does not need plenty food. She needs the right nutrition/nutrients as she grows not plenty food. Most Nigerians over feed kids. Her friend told her what she heard from home.

      Delete
  3. if he is about your height, you are short too 🤷🏿‍♀️
    And what’s with the “he has a tendency to get fat” is that a crime? It’s he gets fat, he can work on it.
    You only see the bad/problematic aspect of him, and that’s not healthy.
    Do you complement his looks? If you don’t, why complain about him not complementing you? What is wrong is discussing sex? Are you a virgin?
    You seem to be the shy type and can’t let out your feelings. Communication is very important in relationships.
    You are seeing faults that may actually not be there cos you don’t like him. Why are you stringing along? It’s not a bad thing to want a near perfect being for a partner, are you near perfect?
    If you are not attracted to him, let him be!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster no lele. If you are not feeling the guy, you are not feeling the guy. You have my permission to japa!

      Delete
  4. Follow your mind poster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better keep moving, you are claiming he may just be with you cus he wants to settle down when that's exactly what you are doing.
      Don't be too desperate to settle with someone you can't even spend the night with.
      Is he the only man asking you out?

      Delete
  5. Nne eh, I tire for this ya yarn o
    You meet dude today, you want to force proposal out of his mouth or you propose give am ?
    😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😱😱
    No be you yarn say you see am as "friend?"
    Okwa ajuju oo
    And when did 5ft. 7inches become "short" bikonu?
    And you don gauge dude with ya onyokometer come see say im go fat for future? 😮😮😮😮😮
    That ya instrument for don measure how long his rod go be and how many years abi na day im go live for earth? 😮😮😮
    Nne make you cool down, take a deep breath and relax yasef before them go rush you go hospital for typhoid wey go graduate to high BP...
    😮😮😮😮😮
    Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you inugo?
    shooters ngwanu 😘😘😘😘

    ReplyDelete
  6. Poster if u're not into him, it's better you just walk away. In as much as it is better to date someone who loves you more, u should atleast have feelings for the person too

    ReplyDelete
  7. Please move on you don't have peace.. when the right man comes yow will have peace.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is an old Chronicle. A man has not even said anything about marriage u are already thinking in ur head if u are settling...like seriously? Why don't u seat him down and you guys can define ur relatuonship. It seems to me that u both are the the assumption room. Him talking about sex all the time is bcos he is letting u know that he wants to sleep with u period. He probably has a girlfriend that u r not aware of. Some of this guys might be in the process of waiting for his papers to come tru for abroad while he uses u to while away time. Most guys that are doing very well for themselves already have someone. The reason why u might not be seeing any lady might be that his lady could even be in canada. Oga will be using style to wait for his papers to click and b4 u know, he is gone. If u ask me, have a conversation with him and leave him alone. He is not into u at all. If u guys talk on the phone and have good laugh as u said up there, why can't u have a good laugh over the topic called"oga na where we dey drive this motor dey go oo"? Abi na lie I talk?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear poster,

    Please end the ship now its still fresh. Me I can't date someone I'm not attracted to, I don't know how to pretend about it. I rather keep you at arm length (friendship).
    Marriage is a life time to pretend with a partner you ain't attracted to.
    Attraction lure you to someone then love and other attributes keeps you going with the person.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I read somewhere you said he is intelligent 🤣🤣🤣 ok I read again and I found out that you dont know what intellingent means. Ok bye bye...you too complain abeg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Bye bye you too complain, got me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

      Delete
  11. You're not attracted to him. I don't see your feelings changing. Free him so another girl can have him. I'm sure there are women attracted to him.

    Don't visit him alone as you already have fears of how he might treat you sexually. Many ladies have been raped by acquaintances they weren't even dating.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This reminds me of when we were younger and suitors were coming for us, the girls grew up at the same time you will not know who senior each other. My sister has a very good suitor at least he is comfortable, my sister complained that he was short, he doesn't ever shut mouth, anything that passes he must comment and he has the tendency of going bald. My mother told her that this man love her so much, he should not lose him that she might not get a suitor as caring as him
    We went for handsome and dashing guys. My sister later married him after my mothers advice. Do you know till today, the man is the most wealthy, caring and responsible in law we ever had. He carries my sister like egg.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you regret your handsome dashing man?

      Delete
  13. Poster let him goooooo oooo. This one just wants to Nack you apako! Make I ask, what state is he from?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why are you concerned about his state of origin?

      Delete
    2. Irrelevant questions like this can only come from a sallow mind.

      Delete
  14. I don't see you and this guy together.He is not the person,wait on

    ReplyDelete
  15. Man never propose marriage, woman fon dey calculate how much wedding dress go cost.

    Poster, firstly, you don't even know how to express yourself. How can you say if they ask him, he will say he has a girlfriend.
    Are you his girlfriend or not?
    Why do most young women of nowadays finds it difficult to speak their mind to their friends, a potential boyfriend or husband?

    The boy likes talking about himself so that you can know the kind of person he is.
    Do you also talk about yourself to him? How do you express yourself to him.

    Why can't you tell him directly that you are not attracted to him... What is so difficult in that?

    Call him and tell him that you're not interested in having any relationship right now. not with him and not with anyone else.
    Don't force yourself on a man you know you have no feelings for
    Call it off now that its still in its early stage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I understand her. That situation when you guys hang out a lot and the guy is all over you calling you his girlfriend, when in your head you are thinking 'for your mind......', lol. Poster I think your concerns are valid. Try to observe him more, then make up your mind. You need to clear space for another suitor so you don't need to waste you both's time if you are really not interested.

      Delete
  16. Calm down, let the guy define the relationship first before you start to ovethink.
    I think you should leave him alone since you're not feeling him. It's nor by force to be a relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Babe, I put it to you that you don't love the man, cos I you do, you would focus on his positive side and help him improve on his negative side.
    I am done talking

    ReplyDelete
  18. Look poster, I knew someone like this.. Always talking about himself and marriage but I realized he didn't love me enough to be concern about me..booom.. the relationship ended and didn't even last.. Just dont take him serious..let him show he's into you..

    ReplyDelete
  19. Poster ur complains are way too much than his good side!obviously u can't and don't want to be in a relationship with him..it's better u tell him now so u won't break his heart much latter when he's more committed to d extent of walking down d isle with u..
    Attraction does it for me too,so since u are not attracted to him,kindly tell him..moreover he is not forcing u
    Talk to him and make him to understand
    All d best

    ReplyDelete
  20. sister if you don't have feelings for him please tell him is over.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Poster lolzz your post got me laughing..Let me ask Ajuju N'ese Okwu (👀 to ANG) Do you want a platonic friendship or you want to date this guy? Pick one option please.. You are thinking too much, expecting too much and assuming a lot of things as well..Invariably he does not have the specs you desire so why bother yourself with all these petty stuff..Define what you want and stop building castles in the air...Breathe and relax yourself...Keep being his friend and see what you both can learn and share whilst you find the man on the same wavelength with you..All the best...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Poster don't go ahead. I have met someone exactly like the guy. Short, fair, Igbo lives in ajah axis. Yeah he knows u r good girl and doing OK. He talks about sex but knows u r too good to test. Guess what u ll b disappointed on your wedding nite as braggars usually cant perform. My advise watch out for anger. He intentionally does not compliment u so that it doesn't get to your head. Its all a strategy to make u not feel too pretty around him. Ur inability to be attracted is a God given sign to run babe.unfortunately i married cos pple made me feel I was being shallow. Until this same type who can talk for africa will insult and beat u up. Watch how he talks bad about others protraying himself as a saint.they always preach marriage and don't have time to waste as all their friends are married. My instinct says u r yet to meet his true character. I was 28yrs just like u and i knew something didn't seem right but felt I was just looking for faults. When u don't have peace, God isn't involved.

    ReplyDelete
  23. @Poster, though you are insinuating this man has concluded you guys are dating and may be planning to marry you, but I beg to disagree with you. Many women jump into conclusions when it comes to relationship with guys- and I think this is what you're doing. This man talks too much, yet he has not defined the relationship status. What makes you think he is not just looking for a bed-mate?

    How could you not ask him questions when he was describing how he will devour you in bed? Are you his sex-tool? You are claiming to keep yourself for marriage, yet you make visits to men.

    Please, young women, respect yourselves and your bodies. If you fear God and thus want to keep yourself before marriage, avoid canal relationships with guys. Keeping yourself before marriage is not about keeping the hymen intact, it's more of not being involved in any sexual sin - dirty talks, caressing, smooching, masturbation, etc.

    Even if you have an agreement with a guy that there should be no sexual contact before marriage, mind the way you visit him, mind the type of discussions you have with him or even the impression you give him. Do not cry foul when you enjoyed all his dirty talks and led him on. BE GUIDED.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dear poster, attraction is a MUST in any relationship.

    Secondly, to the best of my knowledge, there is no relationship here because it hasn't be defined. DONT spend the night in his place so sex doesn't happen and then your brain will tell you're in love only to be friend zoned later. After all he will claim he never asked you out. Trust me it always ends in tears.

    Lastly, men that talk a lot are a no no.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Darling, do you know your worth? Do you have an idea of what a potential mate for you should look like and act like, or do you fall under the "any man can do" group? If you don't know what you want, we may end up misleading you. Some ladies go for looks, some for intellect, others for character, a lot for financial security. A blog visitor who isn't into looks may advise you to pass less attention to the package and more to the content. Others may feel no romance without finance. To each his own, so it is dicey when you aren't even sure of what you want.

    My standards have always been high and I have never been one to settle. It may be unfair to judge by my standards but I will tell you this, make sure you pick your "type", the one who makes you tick. Nothing kills a marriage faster than lack of sexual attraction and compatibility, in my opinion. If you are turned on by looks, please consider looks as one of the necessary qualities. Sweetie, it's your life. Don't try to pretend just to please people or to be thought of in a particular way.

    If you have issues with chubby men, stay away from them. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you. We all have our preferences, vain as they may be, we have the carte blanche to choose whom and what we want as well as deal with the consequences of our choices.

    Honey, your problem is, this seems to be the only guy showing interest in you at the moment. You feel obliged to see where this would go. Why on earth would you force yourself to like what, ordinarily, you don't like? You're getting all worked up over a guy who hasn't even come out plainly to ask you out, he just "jokes" about the sexual acts he'll do to you when you come around and you give him the impression that you are down with it. What if all he wants is a friend with benefits? Just because a guy wants you sexually doesn't mean you are his girlfriend. If he still hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend, why are you already imagining marital life with him? Sweetie, this is how a lot of ladies get their wires crossed, end up being "used" by men they claimed they never liked, then join the "men are scum" bandwagon.

    Be woman enough to set boundaries and maintain them. You have no business getting close to a guy because he is friendly. Leave him within the friend zone and wait for your potential mate. It really isn't that complicated if you truly know what you want and you have standards. Good luck, sweetie.
    e-hugs and kisses.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yo never disappoint,I always look out for your comments

      Delete
    2. Thank you jare. Let no one guilt trip her into being with someone she ain't comfortable with. When men don't like you, they break up with you, they don't even write chronicles. Men that like big booty go for big booty. Those that like submissive go for the submissive type. Everyone's choice is valid..looks, fame, personality, intellect.. all vain but valid. We do not choose our family cos we are born into it. But marriage is an avenue God gave us freedom to choose. However, pray and consult the Lord. When you meet the one, it would be all peace and joy. You will not need chronicles.

      Delete
    3. Poster please in Jesus name follow this advice.
      That guy to my best knowledge isn’t interested in you in the way you think. If you Heart is saying you can do better, then you definitely can do better.

      Delete
  26. "He is probably just looking for who to marry. He also seems strict like if it's not his way, it's no way at all. I don't even argue, I just keep quiet. He also finds it hard to give a compliment. You can be looking like Beyonce and he won't even say anything".

    Poster please walk away. I have been married for 12 years plus and with my little experience of marriages, the guy maybe controlling as the relationship progresses. First he's deep into loving himself as he talks about himself a lot. Also, shorter men in relationships always want to proove a point to their taller spouse. I'm also not favourable to the dirty talks.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dont manage a relationship. Dont settle for what you really dont like.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dear Poster, you complain too much and here you are using physical attribute to judge a man.Pls sit down and ask yourself what you actually want because you are totally confused.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Error! Mismatch!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poster is he from
    cross river and lives in Lagos?

    ReplyDelete
  31. He's short, he's fat, he's a pervert and he's stingy yet you're still considering him?
    Baby girl, you're desperate.
    Make more friends and get a life so you stop contemplating bad matches

    ReplyDelete
  32. Don't worry na shabi you just 28?Time still de ur side.Look for anther nah..Ur eye go clear then u almost reach 40

    ReplyDelete
  33. You dont have that many toasters dear. That is why you are worried. You really want to be in a relationship and have relationship troubles. I used to be you. I still dont have many toasters but i have a fresh outlook on life. Eat, wear lipstick, dress well, take yourself out, travel, HAVE SEX, pray and just be soft. You dont remotely like this nigga. He is just the only man available to you sis

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have sex and pray?
      How can she live in sin and expect grace to abound?

      Delete
  34. Getting married to who you are not physically attracted to does not really ends well , their touches always feel like needles

    ReplyDelete

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