Na wah!!!!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ONE SIDED LOVE
I am a long standing silent reader of this blog. I have an Issue I am confused about. And I need matured minds to give their thoughts. This is my anonymous Chronicle :
I am in early 50s, but I don't look my age at all. Never been married and no child I am not happy about this. But I have a good job and a very comfortable lifestyle.
I never planned to be single this long but looking back I think I was too choosy and critical. With no father, mother, sibling or any known relative I am just alone in this world. I am self made. I am extremely lonely and depressed. I did not grow up to know any parent but was househelp/gala hawker to different people and saved to go to school.
Today, I am a graduate still with the organisation I did NySc with and at the peak of my Career with few years to retire,7 more. . I think I was over protective of myself.
Today, I am a graduate still with the organisation I did NySc with and at the peak of my Career with few years to retire,7 more. . I think I was over protective of myself.
I am now disturbed about my situation. As those I want don't want me but those I dislike are always all over me. People don't know I am single because I don't hang around guys. There is this guy who now lives in the States. He should be in his late 50s-60. We were working together before he relocated 1993. I met him in the organisation. He has been on my case since 1996 when he ran into me in US But the thing is I don't like him. Funny enough each time I travel, I give him a shout out Just on friendly basis but when he comes around, I get pissed off as I don't connect with him emotionally.
He wants more.
He too has never been married. Has one child he is not connected with. He just impregnated someone and it turned out bad.When i visited him in US back then in 1996, I never liked his lifestyle, cigarette, loud crazy music and hot drinks all over his sitting room. I was put off. He even wanted me to go to market to cook for him. I never knew my way around Dallas then. That was my first visit. I refused and left in annoyance. He is too jealous. No man dare greet or talk with me. He will flare up. I think all that worked me up and turned me against him.
He is not bad looking. He is vibrant . But when I am alone I do think whether am too rigid on him as I have never shown him any form of liking and I always shut him down anytime he brings up marriage /love talk.
On a second thought, I don't have any one that shows me love even back in Nigeria. No s*x for 3 years now.. Even when I travel. My staff/neighbors think my husband is based abroad..as I travel a lot, And my job takes me round the world. . He knows I am still working in the same place about 29 years now. I will retire a comfortable woman.
I live in a personal house, and have another for renting but I don't want to live in Nigeria after retirement as I don't have anybody with me, and this guy has asked me if I wouldn't want to relocate after retirement. My retirement benefit is super by the grace of God. I only pray to God for long life to use my hand and collect my benefit as I don't have any next in Kin.
I don't Know if it is possible to grow to like someone but I keep hearing about other people's experience and the case of those two in that love programme gave me second thoughts. she never liked him before because she was into someone else but grew to like him...
I don't Know if it is possible to grow to like someone but I keep hearing about other people's experience and the case of those two in that love programme gave me second thoughts. she never liked him before because she was into someone else but grew to like him...
Back to my case, This guy calls me almost 2-3 times a day. I get irritated by his calls but when he goes off for sometime 6 months or more without a call, I will begin to yearn for him but anytime he starts calling, he chokes me. Is something wrong with me? Lol.
He is Always asking me why I don't put up with him when I come to the State but me, I prefer to spend money on hotel accommodation rather that stay with him. I was even supposed to be there this May but for Pandemic. I don't just like him. I have tried to see if I can adjust but each time I give him green light, its always marriage, marriage marriage. I get choked and turned off. I will like to marry though I am not crazy about it again at this stage, but good companionship with someone I really like and connected to emotionally. I don't want someone to ruin me at retirement.
I dont know how genuine his intention is though he is working in US, good pensionable job too, and knows I will not be a burden to him even at my retirement. But is it possible to give him a chance? Will I get to like him? I have heard people getting married at old age
Last night he talked for over 4 hours. I was stressed up. The line will cut he will call back. Even in this knockdown, we are working from home just like them he calls to know where I am and who is with me. He can call middle of the night. If I speak my language with him he will say Its because someone is with me that's why I am using native.
I dont know how genuine his intention is though he is working in US, good pensionable job too, and knows I will not be a burden to him even at my retirement. But is it possible to give him a chance? Will I get to like him? I have heard people getting married at old age
Last night he talked for over 4 hours. I was stressed up. The line will cut he will call back. Even in this knockdown, we are working from home just like them he calls to know where I am and who is with me. He can call middle of the night. If I speak my language with him he will say Its because someone is with me that's why I am using native.
We are from same state but different tribe. He is too archaic for my liking. This morning he woke me up. Then barely 2 hours after, called to ask what i am having for breakfast. Hmmm at this age, status, position ???? Teenagers tinz.,,, Even in US, see how he will be policing me as if he paid for my flight ticket. I have never collected a dime from him and he has never offered anything. I travel to US frequently but hardly see him face to face. There was a time I gave him the impression I was married. He kept saying so you left me to marry a yoruba guy but in actual fact I wasn't.
That was 2005-9. Even then he was still calling and begging. I have not set my eyes on him for 5 years now but we talk on phone. Sometimes, we go for a year without talking. But each time it's always" when am I gonna have you? We have been doing this merry go round for too long" but deep in my mind I don't like him. I am only confused now as I am getting closer to retirement.. I don't know if I can start to develop liking for him. He is now a citizen. I don't have issues with my visa anytime. But I have never applied for green card. I don't need his money but Just a good man separated or divorced based abroad to relocate to and just be visiting Nigeria.
Can I pretend to like him. He said he is coming to Nigeria by year end and if I agree he can pay my dowry. Hmmmm Pay dowry to who??? I am happy he knows my real age. unlike others. So nothing to bother there. But family thing is zero.
I am soo confused as he is coming on strong again. He's not even giving room for friendship to develop. The chemistry is not just there. Even after 27 years . Will i be able to cope in Nigeria after retirement? The loneliness,,,, boredom, depression. I kniw what I am going through. I am not adverse to a good man in Nigeria if I meet any not younger or jobless. But they are hard to come by.
I am soo confused as he is coming on strong again. He's not even giving room for friendship to develop. The chemistry is not just there. Even after 27 years . Will i be able to cope in Nigeria after retirement? The loneliness,,,, boredom, depression. I kniw what I am going through. I am not adverse to a good man in Nigeria if I meet any not younger or jobless. But they are hard to come by.
What do you all think? Sorry for the long write up.
*I got upset reading this because even though you say he is acting childish,you are even more childish and confused..At your age,you should stop all this drama and decide on what u want abeg...ah ah....
Apsrt from him,it looks like there is nobody else on the line...companionship is very important at your age,if you dont feel anything please take a walk from this relationship that has the odour of village people following it...
Then let him go, since you don't love him and his calls irritates you. Why play hide and seek with him? If he doesn't call, you will start missing him. The truth is, you don't know what you want. Cheers
ReplyDeleteJust have a baby or two by him. Don’t marry him. If you want children do it this year. Start taking fertility herbs To prepare your body... do your research, if not by him, get someone else. You are still not ready for marriage at 50. Let that part of your life go
DeleteExactly
DeleteShe actually knows what she wants, she's just overly choosy.
DeleteSee,it's obvious he isn't your spec. I wouldn't advise you to have anything out of pity. Instead get pregnant through donor sperm or adopt a child. With these, you will not be compelled or under pressure tp have a companion. The baby will take most of your time. Then relax and see who comes around that you like. God be with you
DeleteSee,it's obvious he isn't your spec. I wouldn't advise you to have anything out of pity. Instead get pregnant through donor sperm or adopt a child. With these, you will not be compelled or under pressure tp have a companion. The baby will take most of your time. Then relax and see who comes around that you like. God be with you
DeleteMuch as I don't like the idea of jealousy in men because it can be very terrible and most often associated with domestic violence, I think this man really likes you. He has been on your case for 27 years maybe you should give him a chance but put your tell him your fears and that you will take a walk if he misbehaves.
DeleteYou need companion and make your investigation to be sure he isn't married and claiming single. All the best.
Poster if you can't deal pls let him go. Relationship is not a do or die affair.
DeleteWhat's wrong with *what are you having for breakfast* ma?
DeleteThe problem with women is that we are irritated by men that love and care for us. It is only when those heartbreakers have shown us nwiii we appreciate the ones that love and care for us.
You are truly not ready for marriage even at this stage. My advice? Don't force it!
Since he loves you a lot, use him and have kids. You will have genuine companion for the next 18yrs. You can try for two girls.
As for the other companionship, you don't always find it when you are looking for it. Relax yourself and focus on the ones within your control.
May God grant you more wisdom to do what's best for you. All the best!
This woman never said anything about wanting a child.Why are people bringing it up
DeleteSince you earnestly desire a companion, I think you should pray over it and try good dating sites. Love cannot be forced. You don't love this man, you will never be satisfied with him. I have loved someone for many years, but since it is one sided I have to free him and face elsewhere. I can't blame him......
DeleteExactly! @16:18.
DeleteThis woman just yearns for a man to love her unconditionally. Something she missed out on growing up without her parents and siblings.
And for some bvs advising she adopts, not everyone wants to or can love an adopted child as theirs.
Poster, you could find love abroad but first seek professional counseling.
I guess why you prefer to settle abroad is because you don't want those colleagues and acquaintances getting to know you weren't married all this while.
People tend to open up, let down their guard around strangers or where they are not known and won't be judged. Go for it.
Stella calm down, She is only entertaining him over the phone because she’s lonely.
DeletePoster, you do not like him and cannot even stand him that’s why you get irritated by his presence and you do not have peace around him. Your intuitions About him is right
If you have the money , you can look into adoption & also look into sperm banks.
At your age, it is very crucial to have someone who is your friend as a partner to Enjoy/ spend your old age with. This man you described here would send you into a cardiac arrest. Do not go for him.
Anon 15:51, what if he is still on her case because he has a bad behavior no woman can stand.
DeleteYou mindset is what is affecting you.
ReplyDeleteFor me I would not advice you to date him this the silly dally between you both is to much.
U may never love him.
Change your mindset and open your heart to any other
Her mindset its really the problem in all those years she should have make him a better man for herself by setting standards what she wants..
DeleteTenth open her to any other?
She said no one is forth coming where the other person wan come from....and she would have grown to love him in those years
Please poster adopt me na
DeleteBiko,I will be a good child😁😁
Las las you go enjoy your retirement Ma. God will give you your heart desire.
DeleteIf all the men you want don't want you, I don't know oh... Maybe you think too highly of yourself (I don't mean it derogatorily, it happens to the best of us).
DeleteRe-evaluate your 'standards' and be realistic, there are a lot of things that should be erased from our list of wants in a partner as we get older.
With careful introspection, try to evaluate why you yearn for people who are out of your reach. Like Tenth said, it's all in your mindset, not because you haven't had suitors.
I'm very sure when you work on your mindset you will find a suitable companion.
I wouldn't advice you settle for this guy though, the love you couldn't develop in 27 years will never come. And the kind of person you are, he will irritate you to nọ end. I know because I'm like that too. It will not be good for you to marry at this age and then start quarreling with your husband everyday
Don't stress yourself with man issue at this age. He's got too many red flags... Too insecure.
ReplyDeleteHe keeps coming back because you keep letting him but what do I know?
Small girl like me
Madam, do ONLY stuff that makes you VERY HAPPY. I read people telling you to have children but it's not by force. In this life time you must have at least a friend you have developed connection with, not necessarily opposite sex, not necessarily romantic, just deep friendship. You can also try online dating to distract you and who knows...just stay away from younger men and keep your finances to yourself.
DeleteGood luck and not forget staying positive and optimistic. Meanwhile, cut that man off. You don't need him.
See what you did to yourself.
ReplyDeleteNow you're filled with regret and you are still childish with the way you think.
This is what will happen to all of you forming feminism and man hating.
There will come a time, you will regret all your ways and won't be able to turn back the hands of time.
Shiloh can't even help your case right now.
that's why she asked for matured minded people not advise her and not your likes. even at her age, a guy is still acting lovey dovey all over her... so what's the color of your stress???
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteDon may it be unto you as you wish others.
DeleteDon what is wrong with you?! Why are you taking a privileged information personally and mocking her for sharing?
DeleteNa wah o. I don't know where some commentators keep their hearts b4 they unleash uninhibited acid on someone who already said she is depressed. I hope God sees this your comment and visits you as you deserve.
You all are here dishing advice to a 50 years old woman, unfortunately many on this blog will end up lonely and depressed like that woman. I don't need to be a seer to know this. Based on the anti-men mindset and I NO GO GREE mentality that is brewing up in this generation. When God made a man and a woman, it was for a purpose. no one is meant to be alone. After a certain age, both must leave their parents and cleave to one another. This rebellious nature of women that is currently being encourage will eventually lead to more depress and lonely women. Nobody seems to care now, but it is coming. Rather than dish advice, abeg learn from her story and advice yourself.
DeleteYou didn't allow your friendship to grow when you had the chance.
ReplyDeleteYou said you last had sex 3 years ago. With who? Him?
You're not a baby. Just make up your mind on what you want.
My prayer is that God gives you the wisdom to sort yourself out
Poster, I think you should travel and put up with him for a week or 2.
DeleteYour eye go clear
I really think poster needs to unhinge. Plenty boy toys around
DeletePoster, it is better to remain single than end up with this person you literally detest. You miss him sometimes because you are lonely.
ReplyDeleteMay God give you your own man.
That's exactly right, she misses him because shes lonely, dazol
DeleteGreetings Madam!!
ReplyDeletePlease, don't even think of relocating abroad in old age, I beg you. You will die of loneliness and more sadness especially with the kind of man you just described up there.
Old age in Nigeria where you still know few people at least, is a better choice for retirement.
This old papa youngie on your case is not even a good choice for you! Please, set him free.
Attend church activities, try and meet new people and make genuine friends. Attend social gatherings too. There are still good advance men in Nigeria that you can meet.
I think you are the anonymous that always leave a comment on night posts complaining of being lonely and alone in this world... I am so sorry about that 🤗🤗
If you ever come to Europe for visit, holla at me here.
Holla @you for wetin? you see your life?
Delete🙄
DeleteAwwwwnn... I love your kind gesture. You must be a really nice person.
DeletePoster, free your old papa youngie. His baggage will send you to an early grave.
Haven worked so hard and attained this much. You should be looking out for peace of mind. Men they call 'Still waters'.Calm soul that will love you for you. Don't enter one chance with this baba oh.
Holla at me to show her around and befriend her.... Life's that simple
Deletewhere in Europe are you??? I want to come for visit lol
DeleteI think so too Ms. A.
DeletePlease holla at Ms. A whenever you travel. you need good company.
Sluttychic.
What is the big deal if sm1 on the blog is offering her friendship when she is in Europe. The woman is obviously lonely.
DeleteI pray everyday this isnt my case. Im 36,and the man i love with my whole being said he doesnt love me again,went back to his ex. The one that can die for me wants to marry me ASAP,i dont love him. Do i marry a man i dont love. When im with him my mind is on my ex. This one isnt my spec,though very rich even richer than my ex but he isnt my type,English is not so good,abit local in his ways,and very jealous. This man loves me like his life depends on me,anything i want he is ready to do. I dont even know what to do. The one who i love doesnt want me. This life sef.
Miss A she’s the one I feel really sad when I read her comments. God help you madam. God will surely remove loneliness from your life permanently this year only him can just believe bear hugs 🤗 🙏🙏
DeleteI like you already @Ms A. Life is really that simple.
DeletePoster take Ms. A's earlier advice. There are nice, godly, respectable men your age that are looking for matured single women to marry.
However, you need to free yourself from the walls you built around you over the years.
Anon 16:36,Please marry the o e that loves you. He will treat you right because he loves you and that is what matters as far as am concerned. You don't have the leisure of time to start waiting for who will give you butterflies in the stomach. Marry him and have kids that you will pour all your love on. Those that even married who they Love are not finding it all rosy.
DeletePoster Take Ms A advise. You can still adopt a kid to keep you busy. Before doing that you need to see a psychologist to help piece your thoughts together and also help with your fears.
DeleteYour narrative shows you have been living in a cocoon and can't trust people. You need to live more and stop beating yourself emotionally over perceived past mistakes. I suggest you travel to fun places after the pandemic since you can afford it. Cheers and stay blessed.
Lovelace.
She also needs to loosening up a bit, life indeed is simple. Madam, don't mess up your retirement with headaches at your old age. Make more like mind friends, be more sociable, don't lower your standards because you will still continue to feel trapped. Throw marriage out the window!
DeleteCommunication is key.
ReplyDeleteYou need to have a serious conversation with him about your feelings and worries. He is not a mind reader and doesn't know why you won't be with him.
Share your concerns with him asap and see what he says.
All I see was you testifying the grace of God in your life and don't go and be looking for husband and end up living unhappy life.
ReplyDeleteWith the way things are turning around for you, can't you just be friend with him?
What about adopting a child?
You just read my mind. Why don't you adopt a child and take it from there.
DeleteOMG, dear poster sorry to say this but it seems you have a spiritual problem, yes i said it with all sincerity. at your age you are still picky? please go and adopt a child to keep you company. and better forget about that man, yes its possible that you can develop love for him but the way you are going please forget it so you dont write another chronicle for us. you need to pray fervently for your life. yes you got all the money you needed but please water some other seeds
ReplyDelete😆😆😆
Delete@Beebumble, poster's problem is that she never experienced that unconditional love of family (parents or siblings).
DeleteShe internalized that pain and loneliness so, she built a wall around her because of fear of rejection.
Poster is still emotionally trapped in the in the mind of a teenager. She needs professional counseling and therapy before getting into any meaningful relationship.
Nawa, see real Chronicle, on top whose time?
ReplyDeletePoster, you are so confused at your age, no offense.
You LITERALLY hate this man, but you are scared of being lonely.
Please do not get into this 'situationship' because you will not bring yourself to like/love this man with the way you talk about him.
People like you have high standards and always think there is someone better out there that can fufil their inner desires. I cannot blame you though because you have had no guidance at all in life even though you have gotten far up in life you have not had the elements required to be a psychologically stable person. I think I'm like you in some ways I'm just not 50 years old I am working on myself and have agreed I need therapy to help me explain why I make the decisions I make.
ReplyDeletePlease seek help so you can help yourself and begin to accept that you are flawed just like everyone else.
Stella I get your point but you saying she should stop being childish is a childish response too imo
In my opinion
DeleteI feel she shouldn't have anything to do with him,
In all aspects he's no match for her they don't even get along,
The only positive thing she talked about is his look and tenacity which sometimes isn't enough .
She needs to keep an open mind be willing to meet other people , its really not too late to find love.
No need being with someone she cannot put up with.
Kai Stella,which one be village people odour again😂😂😂😂😂😁😁
ReplyDeletePoster, I think you are old enough to know what you want.
Please take time and evaluate this relationship before making a decision, so that you will not regret it.
You are not getting any younger, and remember that your retirement and old age should be for rest and enjoyment of your hard labour.
Please do not go and enter one chance oh.
If you can not stand this man and his way of life, do not marry him.
It's better to be alone and make yourself happy, than marrying the wrong person after all these years of...... you know what you have been through 🤗
Please ma, do not use your hands to harvest sorrows when you should retire and live in peace.
ReplyDeleteThe mistake you made is in the past. The other one is that you ought to have adopted a child; yes. That child will call you "mama". There is nothing as pacifying as that. I have kids but I adopted one and she is the
de facto mom when I am not around. He is my kid's "big sister".
One thing we ought to understand is that even Jesus preached it; marriage is not for everybody...and only those who this teaching is meant for will receive it. Matthew 19:11-12.
Then live in peace with your adopted kid/kids. If God brings someone, a man you are confident in his love, then get on board. If not, be happy.
And please, stay away from fornication. Seek God and present yourself to him pure...for eternal life.
You will get through this triumphantly. 🤗🤗🤗
You hate yourself. Look inwards and heal inside out. Then, humble yourself and give that man a chance for once. You love him but do not wish to admit it. We are all human, maybe your spending quality time with him will make him adjust to you. Give love a chance, its real.
ReplyDeleteLove ko love ni
DeletePoster, if you are not into him, it will not work.
ReplyDeleteDid you say he has been after you for 27 years? Maybe or just maybe he is your appointed husband and you too are just fooling around.
What can I say? Make up your mind.
I think after all these years of 'waiting' it'd be a shame to stick with this guy just because. Since you've come this far I suggest you don't ruin your retirement with something you're not certain of. I want you to be happy especially at this point of your life, do it for you. Have a man if you must but let it be of your own choosing and let it make you happy. Do you, poster.
DeleteOh wow, asking you what you had is teenagers thing? Really?
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to love, we all behave like babies. It's a beautiful feeling.
Madam, truth is you don't like that man and there is nothing you can do about it. You feel repulsive around him, don't force it, if you do, it will be a disaster.
No matter how nice, caring, handsome and rich he is, it won't amount to anything.
You need a child madam. I'm sure you have been in relationships and have had sex, does It mean none resulted in pregnancy?
As a woman, you see you are not getting any younger and your dream man is not forth coming, get pregnant.you can even adopt kids.
With your status, you should have kids by yourself and adopted ones.
One problem you have now is that you are too rigid. You are too scared to let people in. How would you even realize when you actually meet the right one? Free yourself please and enjoy life.
Miracles still happen and I pray God gives you what you are looking for.
Adopt a child and see how doors begin to open for you.
And please, stop feeling unhappy and depressed.
Sluttychic
I have been a Christian for at least two decades and attended many marriage seminars. But there is something nobody ever taught me
ReplyDeletewhich Jesus taught and I learnt it from him: That marriage is not for everybody:
Matthew 19: 12 For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some, because they were born that way; others, because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Let him who can accept this teaching do so."
You sound like my grandma 😊 but my advice to the poster is to get pregnant or adopt a child
Delete15:22, I want you to know that the scripture you quoted doesn't mean people who desire to get married would not get married because it's a choice.
DeleteGod will not interfere with someone's choice or force someone's Will.
God withholds no good thing from those who love him. Psalm 84:11...
Jesus also said whatsoever you ask, believe that you receive them. Mark 11:24
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matt7:7
Marriage is good. God made it so and he will not withhold it from anyone who really desires and asks him.
The problem is that some people never bother to ask God rather they go ahead to reject or accept whoever.
By the time they realise it's getting 'late', they still seek human counsel not God's.
It's never late for God.
Why not adopt and save your self the stress?
ReplyDelete@ Poster please go for deliverance in Mountain of Fire and break every yoke that will not allow you settle down...Serious deliverance is needed her...
ReplyDeleteDon't be confused about Love,,Give him chance and love urself,,loose your self and ask God fir direction..
May God fix it for you...
You've known this man for 29yrs and only him has been asking you out since 1996?
ReplyDeleteWhy is he not married? It's very easy for men to get married because women are everywhere and ever ready to marry. No matter how bad a man is, he must see a woman that is ready to marry him.
Why is he still single?
@15:26 God bless you oo
DeleteAsk the right questions.
You're alright madam.
I just smiled reading your story..Madam please don't force your emotions!! You don't love him, you don't!! You are in your 50's now I don't think you want bad energy resonating around you..Don't date him cause the love will never grow..You didn't talk about friends..How about going out, travel to new places not only for work purposes, engage in social gatherings, visit an orphanage, get a pet or adopt a baby e.t.c..Above all open your heart to love people around.Your past is what has groomed you to become the super woman that you are today..As I always tell people ''May the love that you seek find you''..All the best..
ReplyDeleteMadam, why are you setting yourself up to be murdered by a man with pathological jealousy; Othello's syndrome?
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what, when such a man kills you, there is nobody to ask after you because you just mentioned that
you "have nobody, no relatives".
But you have God as a heavenly father and that is sufficient.
One thing that I noted too was that "no sex for 3 years". Please, it is not worth it. Having sex with random men
will not: grant you companionship that you crave, will not give you a husband...it can only fill you
with guilt, sorrows, diseases and regrets.
You can also find love in orphaned kids that are looking for whom to adopt them. You are widely traveled and you
can easily adopt kids. Please find solace in the teachings of Jesus. Read at least a chapter of the New Testament
daily and pray to God and he will chart a fulfilling path for you in this life and in eternity.
God bless you for this beautiful comment
DeleteI concur. I have an Aunt within her age group who is also single and childless so I have an idea how it feels. Please don't accept that guy you described up there. Men who exhibit rabid and unreasonable jealousy should be avoided. Please that is a huge red flag up there. You desire to have your own family and I know a man that can give you that - His name is Jesus. Ask him to lead you to a good man who loves God and who will love you. Then take action by going on dating sites (decent one) and also asking matchmakers on social media to hook you up. You have to be very careful not to reveal your financial situation to any man until they've earned your trust because there are many leeches out there looking for someone to suck on. Above all, please stay hopeful and positive. This is why I want to set up communities where people can find encouragement and support.
DeleteYou think you're lonely? Marrying someone who you don't love and who irritates you will result in the worst kind of loneliness. Believe me.
ReplyDeleteI'll encourage you to engage in activities that will make you happy. It can be learning a new skill, doing volunteer work, relocating from your present area, mentoring youths career wise, etc. Adopt a child if you're in a financial position to do so.
Don't marry wrong because you're in your 50s. It's best to have never married at all than stay till you're in your 50s only to end up in a bad marriage.
No matter your age, there should be flexibility when looking for love and companionship because you may not get everything you want in a man. You claim not to like him but misses him whenever he's not in touch with you. He has been the only consistent person in your life for 27 years.
ReplyDeleteFace it, sis..you like like this guy. 😏
The key thing is to NOT settle. If he doesn't tick your boxes then stop stringing him along. This guy may not be your type but his intention is what that should be important.
NB - You are still too choosy and critical.
Thanks Stella i received my data now.May God keep blessing you
ReplyDeleteThanks PA for choosing me.God bless you
What is stopping u from adopting a child . That should be ur priority
ReplyDeleteWill you like to end up like her and tell yourself samw thing you're telling her right now ?
DeleteYou all better learn from this.
Don what are u on about? If she didn’t have bods at the appropriate time, what is wrong in at icing her to adopt now that she is in her late 50s?
DeleteWhy didn't you adopt since all these years. Like two kids that will love and take care of you as their mother.
ReplyDeleteMadame go for deliverance.what you have narrated is ridiculously childish,even teenagers now know what they want in a relationship not to talk of a fifty years old woman.
ReplyDeleteEverything you will be chanting "deliverance, deliverance?"
DeleteDeliverance from what?
Is deliverance salvation, repentance, finding Christ?
Looks like you have a basket that you use to gauge your sins and
when it is full, you go to deliverance and go back to gather more?
15:44 I don't want to laugh abeg. 😂😂😂 Ndi deliverance.
DeleteMadam poster, take a decision that you know you can chest if it goes bad. At least it would be your decision. That man is not it at all. If I were in your shoes, I would have a child or adopt till the right partner comes.
Poster dear...for 27 years you didn't love him and you will never will,so there's no point really! In as much as he has flaws,yours too is glaring!
ReplyDeleteAt your age you seriously need a companion, someone that loves and care for you...while looking for someone to settle with,why not try adoption? You have the to money to do that! Be responsible too by loving someone,a child to begin with
I guess you have over build walls around you that men can't really penetrate it,i'd suggest you loosen up and give guys chance dear! One life to live oh, throw caution to the wind and enjoy your life
All the best
I'm not seeing this relationship working ma.. You are a one man mopol!
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is
Village people are dancing skelewu on the heads of the two of you. You don’t like him but he is the only one showing interest so you give him attention anyway. Maybe you should cut it off completely and start afresh . Abi? 🤷♀️
ReplyDeleteFrom what you described I don't think you should be with that kind of person.
ReplyDeleteHow is your social life?
Don't you go out with others for fun, retreat, or something ?
Please do not be offended, but you reason like a much much younger person. I think it may be because you were never allowed to be a child when you were one. That stage of your development is amiss and is clearly affecting you psychologically and emotionally.
ReplyDeleteAs for your acquaintance, he isn't the only man alive. You mustn’t settle for him as you do not even like him. Please stop considering a person who irritates you.
Right on point! @Nutella.
DeleteI understand the dire need to have someone of your own especially when you are nearing retirement as you have stated. No more colleagues, no family, no friends, your only hope is having a partner you really do care about and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteAs much as loneliness is dreadful, being in a wrong marriage or relationship at this stage is even more dreadful as this can ruin what one has worked for all ones life.
It doesn't look like you a have a number of men on your list. I really don't think the man you described up there is what you want for yourself. Please let it go.
If I happened to be in your shoes with the kinda comfort you have and will have after retirement, I will look for a sperm bank, buy sperm get pregnant myself or get a surrogate to carry a child for me. Making sure that at least the child has my gene. This or adoption will be what I will be looking to do.
Taking care of a child after retirement will be just as fulfilling and you will get and receive all the love you desire from your own blood. It won't really matter anymore if a good man comes along or not.
Not to mention that you will have your own flesh and blood to pass down all the goodies you have worked so hard to gather.
We all can't be lucky in getting partner's. Dont be too hard on yourself please. You are a huge success in my eyes.
How would you feel years on not knowing who the father of your child is? Besides, is it right according to God's word to go for sperm donor/surrogacy?
DeletePoster there is no need hanging around this man,letting him into your life if you dont feel him, like you really do not like him.
ReplyDeleteYou should loosen up a bit though. But be wise in trying to look out for a companion, there are still good me out there.
Try to have more fun by hanging out, meeting people, attending events with friends, if you keep being on your own company alone there is no way you are going to find more friends. Sure its cos there isn't any other man on your case that is why you miss this man when he stops calling, not because you like him. You need a companion. Pray for guidance so you dont fall into some 419 guys posing to offer love. Maybe you can adopt a child.
It's hard to find a good man, but be positive, open minded and you will meet someone ,maybe Stella should do a single-mingle connect for you specially cos I feel your pain. I have an aunt that used to be like you,she found someone finally. There is still hope for you.
"My retirement benefit is super by the grace of God. I only pray to God for long life to use my hand and collect my benefit as I don't have any next in Kin"....I say amen to your prayers,may love find you ma'am
ReplyDeleteMadam at your age you shouldn't be considering who you like or who you don't like Yes! You shouldnt..
ReplyDeleteForget this thing you're saying I dont look my age, yes, you might not look your age BUT, on paper you are over 50 so What difference does it make? Nothing if you need my opinion..
"Those I want don't want me but those I dislike are always all over me." And so????
I am puzzled hearing this from you..
As far as there is a man,you should have gotten pregnant for any of them.. even if he has body or mouth odour, or even a broke street rat the koko of the matter should be you have a child/children of your own and you've got your money to complement yourself, it's that simple.
Leave love one place, love doesnt exist at this stage.
I feel for you sha..
Let me continue reading I'll come back & drop my point..
Bella are you okay. Poster please scroll pass this comment.
DeleteGosh.
Lovelace
Anon 18:45 That's what you get in such an environment where every Tom, Dick and Harry can give advise. Some will have no sense or reason to it. It's like buying a big basket of tomatoes. Some will be rotten, so you throw them away.
DeleteAunty,you're too uptight ,you really need to loosen up.The guy wants you but you're not giving him the chance.You really need to simmer down and communicate with him ,at your age,loneliness is not just good for you,if this guy slips away,hmm,it might not be easy to find someone who will settle down with you,you need each other now more than ever.Then pray to God about it too.Good luck
ReplyDeleteMadam with your level of exposure and advancement you should be able to know what you wnat. At this point love is not important, what is important is for you to have your own child if it's still possible.
ReplyDeleteWell for me, I would say don't marry the man. After retirement you can still relocate, who knows you might meet someone else over there. Trust me there is always someone else. Attend church activities there. Fellowshipping in Christ gives inner peace. When you meet the right one there is always inner peace. That's the surest way to know the person is right. And finally cut all ties and communication with this man. Its not helping your mental stability. Even here in Nigeria if u hang out in matured places you might just meet someone in your class who ready for companionship. Wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteYou echoed my thoughts @15:58.
DeleteOne more thing, poster needs godly professional counseling/therapy to break the walls of her past and learn to 'recognize and accept love' and get rid of that 'auto-reject love' psyche.
you guys have known for 27yrs, that would have been the age of your 1st child if you had allowed things to work out
ReplyDeleteIf you know you don't love that man just let him know , you can adopt a child if you want since you have the money .
ReplyDeleteHappiness is the goal
Poster,please don't marry this guy. You won't be happy. You didn't talk about friends,social life. Try developing your social life,go out and do things you love. Mingle with people in church, conferences e.t.c. open your mind,you sound like a rigid person. Don't be too hard on yourself, love can still find you.
ReplyDeleteHey sis ,you have stayed 50 years not taking instructions from anyone honestly marriage won't be easy for you, to submit to any partner coupled with one who is possessive of you .Do your pretty self a favor and have you own kids (IVF/ADOPTION) .Marriage is not a walk in the park, you will see the good ,the bad and the ugly .You are very comfortable your happiness lies within you not in another human .Find ways to enjoy all you have worked hard for and don't walk your self into a life of regret and tears looking for companionship.
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't you adopt a child or two all these years? Please it's not too late. Get to any of the motherless homes and get a girl child that you can give a home and see how beautiful your life will be. Secondly could you come down a bit? You are too selective. Ask yourself if there is anything you like about this man. This will give you a clue of what to do
ReplyDeleteI will say sit him down and let him know why you are connecting with him all these years. Then listen and hear what he will say.
You can't change that man neither will he change his lifestyle so it will work between you two. I advise you look someone else that's responsible. He may not be rich as you expect but he will give you happiness and companionship.
ReplyDeleteDear poster...dont beat yourself up about not getting married.the worst thing that can happen to you at this stage is to end up with someone you don't love/ have feelings for who would also frustrate/harm you all in the name of having a relationship. You only feel you miss him because you dont have friends or people to relate with.In the real sense YOU DONT MISS HIM..its just because he's the only one available.
ReplyDeleteWhy dont you adopt a child, socialise more,travel the world with the child,make new frnds around your age group or a bit younger and you would experience how beautiful life can be.
Dont go with that guy, cos u never really know his true intentions.he knows u are rich and ha ve no family to ask of you should anything happen..that is very dangerous for you.STAY AWAY FROM HIM.In all pray to God and trust in him...May he order your steps and guide you down the right path....
Sending you lots of hugs..xoxo
Madam, pretend to love him, I believe the love will come. Is better for a man to love than a woman because the man will treat you like a queen. Also at your age you need him because you've know him and understand him. No young man will treat you as him. congrats ma.
ReplyDeleteDon't marry him
ReplyDeleteAt this age, person dey select man.
ReplyDeleteYes
DeleteAnyone wey get problem before marriage no go cure am
Oooh Madam, please don't settle for less. This man you described up there ain't good enough for you, he will stress your life out. Please consider adopting a child. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteIt is obvious you're not considering adoption. This man can't be the only one in your matter, but you have set very high super standard for yourself. It you must be told the home truth, be prepared to face the consequences of your past in/actions.
ReplyDeleteStella your mouth bad abi make I say nah your hand... lol...your last words got me
ReplyDeleteHmm,if you still don't like him after all these years then move on and continue your life
ReplyDeletePoster, You're considering this man because you feel you are old. I don't think you will be Happy staying with him. You can still find the man who you will truly love.
ReplyDeletePlease I do not think is right to call this lady childish, she came here to seek for advise not to be insulted. poster I can feel your pain but first of all I do not want to believe that you do not have a relative or relation in this whole wide world, haba . secondly your issue is a spiritual one you need to seek Gods face to lead you through the right part and you will testify in Jesus name Amen.
ReplyDeleteThank you jare, she is no where near being childish. She has her standards and everyone should respect that.
DeleteWould have advised you open up to more people (male folks)by being more flexible..join dating sites,churvhbor mosques small groups,colleagues at work,or through social.media..don't know if Stella will post my comment if I give u the name of a page to join on IG to meet people who will be interested interested in what u want.
ReplyDeleteEssentially,start looking at the idea of adoption ,surrogacy or natural birth..(yes it's very possible with IVF.My aunt who is 50+ is currently pregnant while the one who has been married for 17 years has been delivered of her twins last week..no joke.They used the same method..
If you are interested in adoption.. I'm also available..yes..I'm 28,female,a Corper,an Orphan n from Igbo..Have siblings as well..Nothing wrong in adopting an adult.All for free.
Kindly direct Stella to contact me if you're interested in any of the above infos.
Cheers.
You have never been ready for marriage and even now, you are still not ready. Forget about marriage because at this age and level, you're still confused and picky. You've known him for 27 years and telling him to wait for the friendship to develop. How long more do you need, 50 years? Na wa o. Even the attention he has been giving you you still don't value it. If you really need a companion, go and adopt a cat or dog because from the look of things, you're not ready for a human companion. All the best.
ReplyDeleteShe should value his attention???like what are you even saying....SHE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM...is that hard for you to comprehend...atleast a dog wld give her peace of mind and not kill her out of jealousy one day....hiss
DeleteKai!madam,ur wahala plenty,you behave like you’re too perfect to have someone inperfect around you,I beg you,stay on ur own till you’re ready even if you’re close to the grave and change or makeup your mind,dnt put anyone through dat torture simply because they want to be With you,mbok..
ReplyDeleteStella, I saw my comment before but is like you have taken it down.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I said anything bad to the poster. I don't know why but no hard feeling.
It's all love.
Dear poster may I suggest that you look into surrogacy or adoption? You are already a mature woman and you know what you want for yourself. This man is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with so please let him go . Channel your energy into something else. There are so many places you can meet people, just ask God prayerfully to direct you.
ReplyDeleteIf your are not averse to having a child either by surrogacy or adoption, you can focus on raising the child and perhaps love will find you...
Congratulations on making it in life despite the struggle.
Nawa for this off and on relationship o.
ReplyDeletePoster, its obvious you won't like him in marriage not to even talk of marriage. Someone that's been on your case for the past 27year? Please don't start what you can't finish at this your age mbok! Let him know you don't want anything intimate to do with him so he can rest. You can try for babies so you can have someone to play with when you're old. Goodluck
I think you should move o. am 35 looking for a mother figure in my life. i was born in Nigeria but am a us citizen. I have a few years to be a dr in my chosen field. I work and go to school.
ReplyDeleteHmmm seems you fell from the sky because I don't understand why a human doesn't have any known relative. I just hope you're not a ghost sha.
ReplyDeleteMadam your loneliness ll triple after retirement as nothing ll keep you busy anymore, you better just settle for the available man.
If you feel you don't like him, then allow him.
Madam I think you're in love just that you don't know how it feels or how to react to it.
ReplyDeleteYou have had your time, space and independent for so long that you won't allow another encroach on it.
I tell you, you need a companion trust me, retirement ll amplify your loneliness and you won't like it.
You know him so well and definitely don't bond with him The reason why you are stuck with this man is because he's the only option for you at the moment and he's someone you've known for a long time. Though you don't feel any thing for him, but a part of you will settle down for him despite your reservation about him. What works for other might not work for you so you have to decide if you are ready for whatever will come out of it. He's jealous and police you a lot, something you dont like about him. Have you tried to ask why he's still single at this age? Maybe because of his character. I think you have a big decision to make, this is your life and you know what you want out of life whether in marriage or companionship. Again, try to broaden your options, mingle with older widowers, single or separated men but dont give in too much about yourself. Better still you can give this guy a try and expect the best or worst. I wish I can continue. I wish you good luck as you find answers.
ReplyDeleteHello Aunty! I hope this meets you well? Please a lot of people may come off as harsh but pay them no heed. First you need to discard that guy like a bad habit. He is bad news, you haven’t waited this long to settle for less than what you deserve. The only reason you miss him is because you don’t have anyone in your life. I know you had it tough growing up due to your childhood, who wouldn’t? I think it’s time you let your hair down and love you. You have to be more social because life is too short. You should enjoy your years of hard work. Write a list of things you’d love to do and do them. Go on fun holidays, mingle with your peers, join a club (ikoyi club), play golf, adopt a baby, Join a an exclusive dating site (not tinder but the one for elites, go for functions where you can meet the kind of people you want, laugh a little more, work on your physical and mental wellness, be intentional about being sociable. Life begins at 50 if you want. Don’t beat yourself about being single. My Aunt is 52 and is living her best life with her boyfriend from secondary school. They reconnected after being apart for so many years. There’s no bar in London they don’t visit. I admire her approach to life. It’s okay to start afresh knowing you only live once and you deserve to live life to its fullest. I wish you goodluck. Reply this message if you need further details.
ReplyDeleteYou are wise and mature. I totally love your comment. Thank you for being a voice of reason.
Deletelooking like there is a foundation issue.
ReplyDeleteps can you go for counseling?...you can the get in touch with the people at MFM, redemption camp, or any of the
ministers who know something about deliverance ministration
She complained of DEPRESSION, not spiri husband. Poster, you need to find yourself a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist in Nigeria and they'll help you with the medication and mindset you need to deal with your situation and they will equip you with addressing the foundational issues with your upbringing and the tools to navigate your current challenges. Those claiming they can deliver would sucj you dry and even shamelessly dip into your retirement money. This is not the time to fall fall for fraud. I wish you the best.
DeleteA lot of people find themselves in situations they never envisaged. Believe it or not, getting married and having a child or children, aren't always within your powers. There are ladies who have been desperate to settle down from their early 20s but, fortuitously no man came along. Some are now middle aged single ladies. Some ladies got married early but were divorced before they clocked 30. Some are still married but have been ttc to no avail and are now menopausal. I, for example, was extremely choosy and was ready to wait till I found the right guy. I found him when I wasn't even looking and I got married at 24. My point is, there is no guarantee that you would have been married or happily married if you weren't too choosy, so please, don't be too hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteI will never advise anyone to lower their standards because they want to get married. There's way more to a marriage than the ubiquitous title of "Mrs". Are you of the school of thought that believes "a bad man is better than an empty bed"? I hope not, because I can't think of something more counterintuitive. A bad man can literally and figuratively end your life. Being in a horrible, loveless marriage is a hellish experience. Don't be too quick to regret, honey, you really don't know what would have happened if you married early.
As for loverboy in his late 50s- 60s who has never been married, what exactly are you doing with him? Do you know the reason you miss him when he ignores you? He is the only one available who shows interest in you, so when he stops, you feel empty and worthless. You have to be emotionally mature enough to be okay without a man's attention. Don't keep an irritant around just because he seems like the last resort. If you pick the wrong guy now, all you sacrificed because you wanted the best, will go down the drain. You can't learn to love now that you have been independent for this long. Why force a square peg into a round hole? Love isn't meant to be tedious, it flows effortlessly and always feels right.
Sweetheart, I honestly feel it's too early to give up on yourself. All it takes is one divine arrangement for you to meet the right person. Paula Deen, the very rich southern chef, met the love of her life when she was a 58 year old divorced mother of two. They have been happily married for 15 years and counting. There are a lot of ladies who find love much later in life. I don't care if you are 60, love can find you if that's what you desire. Please, don't listen to anyone trying to discourage you. Just because it seems impossible, doesn't mean it is. It's just that your mind is too small to fathom the "how", don't bother with how or when, just believe. Don't settle, not when you've come this far. What if the right guy is meant to show up 6 months from now? Keep keeping on sis, you see retirement, I see an amazing new beginning.
e-hugs and kisses.
You're full of wisdom🤗
DeleteEasier said than done. What a wonderful piece for damage control
DeleteThis only says dont date that guh, but no suggestioms on what she can do to help her situation. She fall my hand. Ronalda must be British. Perfect talk and no action
DeleteBeautiful @Ronalda. Lovely piece
ReplyDeleteGod will see u through ma'am
ReplyDeleteMadam,
ReplyDeleteAs Stella adviced u, don't make any false move here!!! Ur village r trailing u & right behind u on this one..oh.😵
U think in your psycho mind that u r too good & what a "catch" for this naija_ American citizen man.
U have no intentions to be a spouse to him, no commitment on ur part, other than to do him jump & pass.
Thinking that's how u get American green card, and a good retirement package in America???
For where? U go follow egungun jam express be that..oh!!!
Sorry it's people (crooks, longer throat, greedy) like u that go abroad as a cow & ends up later as corned beef abroad!!!
U will be chewed & spit out once ur con catches up with u. The American authorities & system there will decode u in no short time that u r a fake ass (b)w1tch that u really r.
Please I dey advice u to sidon for naija..oh & go deliverance from MFM or TB Joshua.
Lol..
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason behind the sending of this chronicle.. she'll get the answers soonest.
Mas sabe el diablo por viego que por diablo.
Blessings
If you settle abroad at your age with nobody around you or except one man, my sister loneliness, depression, boredom go finish you. You will deteriorate so fast and end up in a nursing home.
ReplyDeleteLook for a good man in Nigeria, close to your age and settle with him. Don't go and fall into yahoo boy hand with your pension.
Please adopt 2 children amd forget about men. Adopt a teenager and raise her. Forget this drunk. You need companionship, this child will do
ReplyDeleteIf you're a Christian, I'll advice you to cling unto the Lord. While marriage & childbirth are great blessings, we are not guaranteed anything here on earth, not even tomorrow. Even this pandemic has shown man's mortality and helpless in the face of the unknown and God's sovereignty. People are dying in large numbers, does it matter if they were married or not? No, but the soul and afterlife matters greatly. The peace that God gives transcends the outcomes of our lives here on earth - whether we are rich or poor, married or not, have kids or not - does not separate us from his love. His peace is more filling than anything life has to offer. It is a peace that makes us know that we are never alone, even when we are alone. Your life has meaning & purpose to him, even if you don't know it. Do not be afraid, fear is a tool of the enemy. Be hopeful and if you desire to be married, make your requests known to him. (Phil 4:6) But our faith should not be based on outcomes (whether God grants our requests or not) but on a person. The person of Christ. May his peace be with you.
ReplyDeletePlease can I be your friend? You just gave very wise and godly advice. God bless you Sister.
DeleteLol! I see now adults nigerians begging & putting themselves for adoption? Who go wan adopt any 28 yrs old person? Even teenagers r not deemed desirable adoptable for abroad, let alone full grown ass man or woman from nigerian clearly looking for meal ticket!
ReplyDeleteHian! E be like say una no dey do yahoo gigolo again or sugar daddy & sugar mummy con no dey trap maga for una again???😬😠
better to go & rescue a dog from animal sanctuary for adoption, rather than to go & adopt any adult nigerian! Tufiakwa!!!
You all are here dishing advice to a 50 years old woman, unfortunately many on this blog will end up lonely and depressed like that woman. I don't need to be a seer to know this. Based on the anti-men mindset and I NO GO GREE mentality that is brewing up in this generation. When God made a man and a woman, it was for a purpose. no one is meant to be alone. After a certain age, both must leave their parents and cleave to one another. This rebellious nature of women that is currently being encourage will eventually lead to more depress and lonely women. Nobody seems to care now, but it is coming. Rather than dish advice, abeg learn from her story and advice yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have a grudge against women, and may not be different from they you condemn. Loneliness can happen in any vocation - married or single. You can be alone but not lonely, while you can be surrounded by people yet lonely (eg Princess Diana in her marriage). Loneliness is something we all may experience in life, but lonely seasons do not last forever.
DeleteThis has nothing to do with grudge. I am just irritated by the selfish rebellious breeds of women sprouting up and being encouraged in the name of feminism. Your understanding is quite shallow. The LONELY referred to int this context and also in the bible "SHOULD NOT BE ALONE" is not the same has being lonely. It means a companion, a friend and another just like you, for you and with you always. There is nothing more depressing than a lonely old age. Even kids cant fill that gap.
DeleteAnon 5:57. You sound very bitter, Who hurt you? You need healing.
DeleteWhat does a middle aged woman who is lonely and desiring a husband have to do with feminism? You attempted to sound woke but you sound foolish. Take your misogyny and undue criticism elsewhere. You have not helped this woman nor anyone on this blog in any way by the bollocks you typed up there.
Please ma,accept Jesus on another level, He'll sure give you your needs. Good luck
ReplyDeletePoster, evaluate yourself. Most unmarried women who have gotten to 50 plus ...check thier personality, you will find that they are extremely choosy, highly critical, too self loving, high standards, and generally difficult to please. Their husbands came but they must have rejected them, believing a more perfect man is still on the way.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is that clearly you don't love the man. You will make his life miserable, cos everything he does will irritate you to no end. I suspect you may be a Choleric woman .
At this age you are very set in your ways and might not be open to taking instructions from a man.plus bros sounds like an Alpha male too,.....d tin nor go work.
Look into adoption or IVF. That might be the company you need.
All the best .
On 2 the Next!
Poster. Don't be discouraged nor deterred. Like some BVs have mentioned, find other activities to engage in that can fill the void in your life. Someone specifically mentioned joining social clubs, mentoring younger ones etc. Are you on Instagram? Please join Instagram. I know quite a few matchmaking pages on IG that have matchmade even older people successfully.
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of mentoring for you because through that you can meet many new people and make friends. You're accomplished in your career so you'll have much wisdom to impart. Younger and upcoming professionals need women like you who can mentor and guide them through their own careers. Please explore this option. Who knows, you may even become a popular figure, become more visible and attract better men. Like I said earlier, sign up on dating sites. I'm sure there are sites created specifically for people in your age group.
As for the man, I've written somewhere under a BVs comment to not go for that guy. Don't disregard your feminine instincts which are usually very strong and is a God-given gift for our protection. Your instincts have been screaming at you please don't ignore it. This is the reason you never developed any liking for this man even after 27 years of knowing him. Hold out a little longer while you implement some of these suggestions with prayer and then get back to us. I want to assume you're a believer.
Plenty hugs and kisses. We may not know you but we love and care for you and your welfare. I pray that God lifts your misery, loneliness and dejection and blesses you with a man after His own heart. Be after His.
Take care and goodluck.