Stella Dimoko Chronicles Of Blog Visitor Narrative...


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Saturday, April 18, 2020

Chronicles Of Blog Visitor Narrative...



I'm 29, but very young at heart, not in body. So I grew up knowing that I'm different because I compared my social and mental life with others, especially my sisters. 

I am a lady.

I'm an extreme introvert. I have this social fright and public withdrawal especially when it's not work or job related, and not family oriented too. But I do relate well with people that you'll think I like friendship but I don't. In all my life I have never carried my two legs to a colleague's or acquittance house for visiting or rapport. I hardly have issues with people because I don't have friends and don't go out.

I guess that's why I turned out to be a good writer. I have written variety of literary pieces. I write while bored and almost concentrated on it full time until hungry nearly finished me. To God be the glory I am a lecturer. Though I may not have arrived, I am grateful to God thus far. I live a simple life, I don't like trouble but I am not docile when provoked. I can be very stubborn. In fact I was the black sheep of my family. 

To my good side, I give a lot, it's like a curse. I help people to a fault. I am also very considerate and liberal in dealings and doings. At one point I became a deist because to me Christians aren't living a generous and sincere life. But now I think I'm back to God.

Why I think I'm different. I don't fancy an average attractive ladies stuff. I was a tomboy while growing up. I don't like or wear excess make-up. I don't dress seductively and I no send anybody. Last week I cleared the frontage of my compound and everywhere for close to four hours I was outside under the sun. Something I didn't do while growing up. In fact I come from a comfortable home. I guess staying alone in a developing area makes one handy. I till and farm. Even people sometimes wonder if I am a lady. I'm neat and overly concerned about my health. I don't just like too much materialism. And it's not because of my religion. I think it's natural. 

I dress feminine now, at least I balance it. God helping me I will have my masters this year.

Now to my gist.

 I kept my virginity until last year. I actually don't know if my hymen is broken cause I still saw blood the last time. I wasn't compelled. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I just needed company and wanted to know how it feels to make love. I can be selective. Because I know my type of person, I actually preferred kind, compassionate, and trustworthy guy. Physically, I like tall, fair, slim handsome guys (Lynxx or Phyno type). Yes, I deserve good things because I no do bad. Those around don't meet these criteria. I am not in a hurry to marry. I'll wait patiently on God.

I connected with someone on a WhatsApp group and we became close. He came to visit, late last year. Though he wasn't physically what I wanted, i.e not tall. This is a staunch Deeper Lifer. I am a Witness. We had 's#x'. Too painful. Very big something. 

The guy was too active plus I noticed he isn't compassionate. So after he left I instantly withdrew myself and discontinued the affair. But after some days, after all the pain, I felt a kinda warmth. I indeed needed company. Someone at least to talk with, joke with and play with, cook for or him cooking for me.

Let me add that I value communication a lot. I hate to feel inferior or rejected or less important. If any guy treats me as such, I move ahead. I have that hardened mind not to miss people. I can discard and reinstall easily and freely. I feel every woman that is been smacked by a man should be cherished.

I reconnected with a guy, we talked for like two months before he finally visited. He loved me. I didn't think I felt same. In fact I don't know what love is. I can't tell if I love or like someone. We had 's#x'. To some extent I enjoyed it. He still couldn't fully penetrate. Too tight and too painful though but he did things that I liked.

 It was late February 2020. When he came again first week of March, we had sex. He gets too excited and I guess in the heat of it, while pampering me with sweet words and utmost caressing, he released. You know, I didn't know until it started leaking out my private. I ran to the bathroom to wash off. He apologised. We did it some hours later and this time I enjoyed it though I bled.

Though before he came to visit, he spoke about marriage, jocularly. He actually within that time moved to a three bedroom apartment. He was still running helter skelter on furnishings. After he left, he called. Next day he didn't. He possibly expected me to call, I didn't. I actually call some times before. He didn't chat me up. In fact he hadn't come online. I was worried sha but still didn't call. For one week he didn't. I was already angry. I noticed that my stomach was getting bigger, my breast firmer. I started eating more, sleeping more. I thought about the lady that sent chronicle of how without proper penetrations and while still a virgin, the sperm found a tiny hole and entered and resulted in pregnancy.

 I had already deleted his number after blockage.

I didn't feel bad, I didn't fear or panic. Though I don't earn much I actually never thought of abortion. I only felt shame about how people who respect my life pattern, my family who could swear I don't know a man will now see me. I was thinking of moving to a new location to start a new life. An intellectual young focused feminist like me becoming a baby mama. My world perception changed. I started to understand the mental struggles of an average baby mama or single parent. 

A learned African lady is in constant conflict between her real self and her social commitment. Though I have never bullied a baby mama or single parent. How will I even tell him I'm pregnant when he didn't fully penetrate. It was not as if his input will change my mind on relocation. I just didn't know how I felt. I felt like a flying cellophane In a misty rainforest.

Just then he sent me a WhatsApp message about corona bla bla, staying safe..., I blocked him. He then called with another line, immediately I heard it's him: telling me I blocked..., I cut it and blocked. Well two days ago, to finally come face to face with my fears, I did pregnancy test and yes,it's NEGATIVE. I saw it. 

I wasn't sad but I wasn't happy either. I don't feel lucky. Why will I? I just felt, I wasn't cheated. There are some bad things that good people don't deserve (not in this respect though). I'm staying celibate by God's grace. I have asked God for pardon. I haven't called him. He hasn't either.

Thank you for reading.

*All this ling story just to say you gbenshed two men in a short space of time?

Be there thanking God oh...something is wrong with you and if you continue like this you will changing men like tissue paper....It will soon scratch you again and you will go seeking out a victim...See that you didn't leave the confines of your house but gbenshed two men indoors..........
Find out what is wrong with you and work on it otherwise you will keep sending all the men away and your type will end up lonely and unhappy...your story is sad and left a sour taste in my mouth reading it


  1. Serious problem Nne. WTF 😲😲😲😲😲

    1. You are very weird...i actually like weird cus I can be that way too.
      If you are interested in dating, make an effort, you cant be discarding people when you think a certain way.
      I think you over think things alot, so you always label things before you are sure.
      Lastly, please use protection if you must have sex, that was a risk right there, pregnancy isn't the only thing that can come out from unprotected sex.

    2. Pls next time just hit d nail on d head see all d story πŸ™„aunty check urself u v issues biko 🚢🏻‍♀️

    3. Lol, I find you interesting for reasons I can't explain.

    4. Your stomach getting big!!!!! Within a month of having sex???? This poster is clueless.good for you you're not pregnant,that guy should wise up and stop calling you,you seem really messed up in the head

    5. Stella I thought it was only me. She feels proud but actually needs sugar and honey in her life.

    6. Many introverts pass through this route, especially the extreme ones. Being comfortable in their own skin and not minding the world entirely.

    7. You poster pretend a lot . You are only bothered about how people see you.

      Who ever told mentioner to you, you are lady like ?? Only you staying in sun for hours? Only you inviting men over ? Only you, taking what men say as genuine. Only you, rushing to the bath to wash up and go back to the act.

      Over naive is worrying you! That mixed with false sense of worth!

      You need to grow up! How old did you say you were again?!! You better live your truth know if it’s God you want to focus on or if is sex you want to be enjoying.

  2. "I only felt shame about how people who respect my life pattern, my family who could swear I don't know a man will now see me. I was thinking of moving to a new location to start a new life. An intellectual young focused feminist like me becoming a baby mama"

    You need to chill and stop the pretense...or don't allow a man bang you again.

  3. Hmmm better accept the marriage proposal and come out of that your comfort zone. You need people in life, no man is an island.

  4. Poster, you have need to work on yourself. If you truly are back to God, then you will know not to fornicate. I found your post condescending, pharisaic and boastful at the same time. However, reading between the lines I see a lost of issues to do with low self esteem and loneliness and a craving for companionship. Find a good therapist and thrash out your issues before you can even start to think of starting a relationship.

  5. At first I thought you were a recluse then I later thought "she probably asexual", then I read on and thought oh! She must be aromantic then I read on and thought grayromantic then demiromantic.🀷‍♀️ Phew!!🀦‍♀️

    Honestly this is hard and I don't know how to classify you. But still I would force myself to believe you are just a lady who have a fixed mental image of how her man should look physically and all. You definitely have a type and in your subconscious aren't ready to give any man contrary to your expectations a chance. If those two men you mentioned up there ask you out, trust me, you would be all over them like jelly on toast.

    1. Sister no vex biko,na inside dictionary all this words dey so? This life, na wa! Where pesin go start from again?

    2. Wen they tell una to face una books you no go lisen. Small English nau you don dey sweat if Ronalda talk now you go piss for pant be dat poo
      Sister sabella you be psychologist

    3. Thank you. I am the poster, Isabella.

  6. I don't think there is anything wrong with you
    You just live in your mind a lot

    You are a strong woman who will break barriers and not fit societal standard
    You are different and that's okay
    Everyone must not be an emotional wreck

    You are young, beautiful and strong
    Keep it up
    Don't let anyone turn you to a piece of trash
    You are what some women wish they are

    And guess what, people like you always find love fast but don't fall too hard so you don't turn to mugu.


    1. Thanks King, I accept my shortcomings.

    2. Totally in agreement with your comment. The earlier people realise people are different, we mustn't all be the same coupled with the way things have changed, the better. Poster knows what she wants. Live your best life and with time you will find what you want. I enjoyed the write up by the way. It mustn't always be sob stories.

    3. Poster the truth is that your kind of person doesn't fit into our perception of the African woman. You like being in control of your emotions,having sex when you want to and don't feel the need for all the stress surrounding relationships. I was once like you. I could admire a guy, have sex with him and the following day walk past him. This was until love found me. If you are meant to marry when you see the one you would know. Don't allow the society or family pressurise you into doing what you don't want. Enjoy your youth and please play safe. Them no dey write am for face. Take care.

  7. “An intellectual young focused feminist “
    You claim to be sound intellectually, yet you had unprotected sex.
    You have feelings but living in denial.
    Why were you nothered he didn’t call you? Why were you worried about being a baby mama? You think you are better than them?
    You see your type, you think you are something that’s never been seen or heard of, but will take whatever is thrown at them.
    You need to calm down and face life.
    Do feminists need men? Do they fuck? Ajuju o
    You are a confused lady, find yourself

    1. You are more confused than you think she is. Once someone is not shouting svd or behaving in one way, you roast the person

    2. Shes forcing herself to fit a certain stereotype, and box alot of feelings but the woman in her who needs love and attention keeps poking its head out.
      Poster stop forcing yourself ans stop over thinking things before you drive yourself crazy.

    3. I totally agree with your view @sluttychic and I’ll add that her claim of liking a certain kind of build of males is funny because she hasn’t considered that people like myself who fits that description might never find her attractive or even consider her fit for a relationship.
      I’ll advise her to keep an open mind and learn to relate well with people before jumping into hosting unprotected sex bouts with random people at her room and at her cost.

  8. Bia young lady, you are a confused lady.
    Stop over hyping yourself. You are far from smartness. You are confusion itself.

    Point of correction, you are not a good writer. If you want to be one, learn from Castle Nwa Windsor and Oko Ashawo.

  9. Wow wow wow

    I think this is the type of chronicles where we tell you,you need a therapist.

  10. Poster you need medical attention and counseling makana okwa ala ka ina acho ipu. You are about to go mad because of lonely life.

  11. Stella has said it all. Nice write up poster i feel like i can relate with you on so many levels, that been said you need to work on softening your heart left to me there was no point blocking that other guy and when he tried to reach out you should have given him audience. I think you are afraid of been heartbroken so u have developed this shell. Truth is in life sometimes you have to open up your heart to someone if you end up heartbroken its wont kill you, you will learn and grow. This is the only way to experience Love. Ps am suprised at you wondering about your virginity status with all this escapades lolz your not a fargin anymore my love. Stop holding back so much and give yourself room to be vunerable,only then will you find love and will love find you. Kisses.

  12. You're indeed living a boring life. All what you wrote πŸ‘† is too boring but because you have no one to share it with and laugh over it. You take things too serious, please try and live a free life my dear

    *Larry was here*

  13. Poster you are too rigid. Please take it easy. I think you have the habit of looking down on people cause you feel you are too good for anyone.
    You aren’t a bad person but if you keep doing this harm to yourself people will see you as such. The guy didn’t call you, you didnt call him back...he sent you a message and you blocked him? Common, everyone have something they are going through at a point in’d need help someday. And you claim you value communication. Nah babe don’t lie to yourself.
    En babe. Take it easy. Next time you have unprotected sex the least you can do is get an after morning pill immediately. Abi you no read book reach that place?

  14. Poster you are too rigid. Please take it easy. I think you have the habit of looking down on people cause you feel you are too good for anyone.
    You aren’t a bad person but if you keep doing this harm to yourself people will see you as such. The guy didn’t call you, you didnt call him back...he sent you a message and you blocked him? Common, everyone have something they are going through at a point in’d need help someday. And you claim you value communication. Nah babe don’t lie to yourself.
    En babe. Take it easy. Next time you have unprotected sex the least you can do is get an after morning pill immediately. Abi you no read book reach that place?

  15. 6 paragraphs to describe yourself.

    12 paragraphs later......I'm still blank.

    Girl! You have a lot of work to do..

  16. I believe you are learned and should know better to protect yourself. If you don't get pregnant, what about contacting any form of sexually transmitted disease?

    I don't subscribe to premarital sex and I'm not judging you, it's your life after all. Please reevaluate your life and be careful before you disappoint God, yourself and those that care so much about you. Cheers.

  17. Poster you have a problem, what you wrote up there is not normal. You better work on yourself.

  18. This is really deep
    Please learn to free yourself
    Stop living in your thoughts and wishes.

    1. There is nothing "deep" about habitual fornication and debating about the life of an unborn child.

  19. Stella pls leave her alone.
    She has no friends to talk to remember? Hence communicating with anons.
    Also, remember she said she likes writing.
    Let her be.

  20. Poster, there's no perfect man any where in this world except Jesus.

    You have some issues to deal with and one of them is pride. Work on your pride. When will you come down from your high horse and face the reality??

    You have to take life easy, be ready to work on yourself and made conscious efforts to make relationship work for you.

    Imagine calls or no calls, blocking etc. You need to work on your ego.

    1. Take your ego 65 notches down

    2. But the guy no try, imagine having sex with a girl and not contacting her for days, if na u how will u feel?
      I think she felt used and dt was her own way of cutting things of with the guy.

    3. What if her pussy was smelling like rotten fish and the guy was so disgusted He didn't want to talk to her again. Speaking from experience though. Waste of sin and cheating 🀦‍♂️🀦‍♂️🀦‍♂️

    4. You are an animai

    5. You are an animal

  21. Definately left a sour taste in my mouth too. You ain't living life mam, you are living in your mind instead of actually living. No one in life is perfect and if you cant define your situation ships properly you will end up having sex with so many men in a small space of time. Start living today, when you meet someone dialogue at length on what you both want before opening your legs. Live life

    1. Living mentally

      Nothing physically
      Deal with your fear of rejection that makes you stonewall first

  22. Poster what if you had caught a disease by having an unprotected sex? You are educated and should have known better.
    Anyway,you are way too rigid. Please seek help ASAP cos you need it.

  23. You need help seriously @ Poster..
    Please look for a therapist immediately,dat will help you dear..

    Good luck to you..

  24. Poster you need to make friends, open your heart to love,even when it fails you learn from it and move on. You need to come out of that your shell otherwise you will continue feeling lonely.

    1. I wonder what this poster would by the time she has a PhD! Poster, pls take this advice. I am studying a course at PhD level that can make someone go insane if care is not taken but I try to balance up things. I am married with kids. Pls, build good relationships with God and man and other things will fall in place. All there is to life is not just academics and living in your own world. May God help you.

  25. Pls don't continue like this,You got disvirgined at about 27 years still you want to turn yourself to public dog,You are no longer a virgin and also if you must be discarding men like used toilet paper please use protection.You deserve better,Try to know a man and see if you are compatible and relax then you can get the companionship you desire.

  26. @Poster, just be real and forget this pretense and care for what people say. Let it sink in your head that you are human and can make MANY MISTAKES. If you decide to be a eunuch, it's your life but you must sty real to your calling/decision.

    You and d deeper life guy are BOTH hypocrites and pretenders - you can have sex outside marriage yet you will stick to your evil doctrines when it comes to d real deal - MARRIAGE. I detest people that think they are saints b/c of their place of worship.

  27. I kinda of understand what you are dealing with,it feels like a battle between the person you have being for long and who you actually want to be right now plus the fact that people already have a certain image of you and u too afraid to change.

    The truth is,we all want to be loved and there is nothing wrong with leading your guard,it doesn't mean you have betrayed yourself,you are just being human and heartbreaks will probably come but you will never know until you try.
    Take it one day at a time,dare to do new things.

  28. Poster,
    In summary, You need help

  29. Just one statement. Vulnerability and longing for companionship is not a weakness. I hope you keep that in mind.

  30. All I got from this piece is that madam poster is boastful, has a really low self esteem and is suffering from inferiority complex.

    You can discard someone anytime..oshey!! Referee.

    Better go and work on yourself. You're 29 and you're behaving this way. Don't worry you'll send another Chronicle when you're 49 about how single and lonely you are if you don't change.

    Go out, meet people, have fun. Life is too short for all these rigidity abeg!

  31. Stella you're right. She is a younger version of me. But the difference is I know my problem and what's caused all these anti-social and erratic behavior. I just still haven't found a solution yet.

    I pity her though.

    You can bash her all you want. It's takes who is or who's been in her shoes to get where she's coming from.

  32. Stella you're right. She is a younger version of me. But the difference is that I know the underlying cause of my problem and what caused all these anti-social and erratic behavior. I just still haven't found a solution yet. But I'm working on it and it's getting better. I've shared it severally on this blog, and I would have shared it again now but thankfully I've ceased to see it as an handicap and I'm never going to admit it as a weakness anymore. Rather it's a strength now and my consolation is that I'm not doing badly since I'm not on a level playground as everybody. I am now less judgemental of myself and I applaud myself more, even for the littlest things.

    I pity her though. "That thing doing her is an handicap". It's not exactly her fault or like she has 100% control over it.

    Y'all can bash her all you want. It's takes who is or who's been in her shoes to get where she's coming from.

    Poster, I'll advise you to stop living in denial. You have a problem, admit it.

    Secondly, which is the most recent thing I've learnt about life and I regret learning too late, people will always hurt you and it is not enough reason to discard them. While it is totally normal to express your distaste for people and what they do, it is only fair to forgive them and move on. That way you won't have to change men too often like I did and I regret right now.


    Hmmn... I'm overwhelmed by every single advice I wish to pass across to you. I won't be able to say much.

    Let me just conclude by saying, live your life. Do whatever pleases you. Just be adult enough to bear the positive or negative consequences of any decisions or actions you take.

    LIVE your life and enjoy it. LIVE, don't just exist. I found out that in doing that, I was able to socialize better. I still don't have friends but I've become more friendly.

    And I've learnt never to share my secrets. It was experiences with betrayals that made me weary of friendships in the first place.

    Part of the problem I asked you to admit is low self esteem. Google how you can manage it. One of my own coping mechanisms is that I still don't mingle with whoever makes me uncomfortable. Even if you're family. But there's a difference nowadays. These days I don't block or delete anybody. I could gray rock them (Google that), for instance. Doing this, I've become less lonely and bitter. Even if it's just two people that I feel comfortable being around, who don't make me question my self worth, then so be it. I don't have to have 5000 Facebook friends. But what the presence and support of those two will achieve, you don't wanna underestimate it.

    I could go on and on.

    Then haba! Who still has unprotected sex these days?!!!!!!

  33. Jehovah witness and deeperlife combo.. Damn the sex.. πŸ˜‚

  34. Thanks stella for summerizing 🀣 i didn't even know you gbenshing two guys πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  35. You're a baptized witness for real? Wow.

  36. U claim to be educated and you sleep with random men without condom, u don’t know their sexual health status and u exposed your educated pussy to them, u need help

  37. Writer please calm down oooo, life is not that hard

    1. it's high time people understand we are all unique and wired differently... That some stuff doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it's equally absurd to others.... many factors play a role in who we end up becoming. Despite being aware of the implications involved in sex without contraceptives so many people actually do indulge in it and enjoy it all the way. our personality actually defines us. Your personality becomes a problem when it begins to interfere with your mental state and co existence with others

  38. Poster, I do not judge you but please invite Jesus Christ to be your Lord and Saviour.
    Tell Him about your growing up - past hurt, fears, why you built this wall around yourself and ask Him to help you. (I noticed in your narrative, you didn't say much about your family relationship)

    It would be best and morally right you avoid premarital sex. Your body is God's temple.

    Keep your strengths but identify your weaknesses, correct them or find a way to turn them to strengths.
    When you fall, get up, forgive yourself and the person that made you fall. Nobody is perfect. Life is not perfect.

    Ask yourself what you really want out of life.
    Decide if you want to be alone or have a family. Work towards your choice.

    Be friend the type of people you can relate with. One at a time.

    Deep down your subconscious mind, you know what your challenge is. Tell yourself the truth and heal.
    You can be an introvert without losing yourself or the essence of life.

    If you want to improve your writing style, you could read more novels.
    Your chronicle *read more like a textbook.

    (* - past tense)

  39. I would have said this is me cos the comparison is close however for me, I have never had sex only want to have sex when I get married, I'm 29 also and single and hoping to find the love ❤ of my life soon.

    I have the same issue with having friends because of trust issues as its as if I built a wall to protection around me. I've learned to be friendly with people but still doesn't want to keep friends.

    All I can tell you is keep your trust on God and work on your feelings too, love is not just automatic, the right man will come quite sex until Marriage.

  40. Take it easy. You are coming out of your shell and will make a few mistakes. Companionship is a basic need so don't think it makes you less of a feminist. Feminism is about equality of the genders despite their inherent differences, not about dehumanising anyone or denying their needs. Have an objective list in your head of the kind of man that you're attracted to and who you'd want to date or sleep with. If you want to hear from someone after a hookup, just tell him to call or you do the calling. If you know you've moved on or it's clear he has, do the same and don't beat yourself up- life is about risk. Have sex the way you want to have it with whom you want to have it with, ready to face the consequences of your actions, both good and bad. Be true to yourself about your feelings- even vulnerability is a strength so don't think less of yourself for feeling fuzzy inside.

    Don't put labels on yourself. Because you will sentence yourself to living up to that image your family, friends or associates have built up. This is why you're drifting towards hypocrites like the deeper life guy and forgetting to take postinol after the second guy- you're subconsciously punishing yourself for not being a cold blooded statue and that's not good.

    Write down what you want in the next five years- not what others will be impressed by but what you REALLY NEED AND WANT in your life and how to make it happen then start everyday to work towards it. Make friends. Good ones though no one is perfect, look out for integrity and ability to be honest and wise. I wish you the best.

  41. Madam what was the last bros offence to OFF you?you think its normal getting down with a man you dont even think you like?if he did something's u liked,spoke about marriage and even got a house,why not get to know him?communicate?you don't think you are being SELFISH?USING them to experiment? I hope u won't turn 50 before u know u have chased the warmth away ...

    PS:this is not even about marriage, if u like your life alone dont use the men!!

  42. Hmmmm.... what exactly do you want, someone to be fucking and keeping you company? you just want to catch cruise...? i mean you even got too proud to call him, what if something had happened to him? well its your shit...keep doing like this and shit will get real fast


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