Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Canada Based Nigeria Lady Sends A Memo To Igbo Ladies To Stop Burdening Men With Family Poverty...

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Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Canada Based Nigeria Lady Sends A Memo To Igbo Ladies To Stop Burdening Men With Family Poverty...

This memo may not sit down well with some people but please read to the end,digest and then think deeply and agree or disagree with this writeup...










Dear Igbo girls,

It is NOT the responsibility of your husband to take care of your parents and siblings/train your siblings in school. Your parents had you and your siblings and it is their responsibility to raise and train you and your siblings.


Stop burdening men/husbands/boyfriends with your family poverty.

I don't understand this tradition that a man who marries a woman becomes responsible for the upkeep of the woman's family. Like seriously, why do many Igbo men accept such burden just to marry a woman?

I have a friend here in Canada who has a good job and he earns very well. But he doesn't have a mortgage yet and he drives an old 2009 model. He lives like someone who earns less than 25% of what he actually earns. I was wondering why. We got discussing and he told me that his salary flies out faster than he gets them in his account.

His responsibilities?


1. He is training his wife's younger brother in medical school in Ukraine.
2. He is also training the wife's sister in Nursing school in Nigeria.
3. He sends salary to his mother in-law monthly.
4. He assists his father in-law financially with renovating his house.
5. They've got two children and you know children cost money.
6. He assists his own family in his own way. But none of his own family members are dependent on him. He just sends them gifts.

I don't understand why many Igbo men wholeheartedly accept such huge burden from inlaws. Why?

Let me tell you something. I will NOT support my brother to go into a very poor family where he would be responsible for their family upkeep. I don't want them to use load to kill him.

I now understand why some rich insist on marrying the rich. Many people don't want unnecessary burden that they didn't bargain for.

My sisters are married and I don't drain their husbands. I've NEVER been dependent on my brothers in-law. My parents trained the children they had and they didn't leave any burden for anyone or in-law.

In some Igbo families, their daughters/sisters are forced into loveless marriages with rich men just so that they can leech on the man and burden him with responsibilities by the virtue of his marriage to their daughter/sister.

Maybe because of my background (which some people might see as privileged) but I don't understand these things.

Call me whatever you like but you see the way I am, huh? I'm currently the poorest in my family. My sisters and younger brother earn and make more money than I do and are fully independent. My mum earns her own money. Any man who would marry me does NOT have to bother about how he will spend on in-laws. No one in my family needs any inlaw to rescue them from poverty or train them in school. My parents already carried out their responsibilities.

Also, I want to go to a similar family like mine. I don't think I'd like to marry an Igbo man from a poor family who is a first born child with many younger siblings who are yet to be financially independent.
It simply means that we will spend the first 10-20 years of our marriage training his siblings. I CANNOT. I won't pretend I can. I cannot. That alone can make me reject a proposal.

Funny enough, the boyfriend spelled it out to me that he's happy that I come from my type of family because he doesn't want burden. He is also the last child and no one depends on him.

I don't know why I'm ranting about this but I guess I don't understand how people cope. I'm too selfish to make money and dish out over 50% of my salary training people that I neither gave birth to nor adopted. I'm still trying to get my head around how I'd use my money to buy pampers for my own baby instead of nice handbags for myself. Let alone using it to train in-laws.

As a society, we need to learn to reduce the rate at which we heap people with burdens.

Parents should have only as many children as they can raise. They shouldn't have children hoping that their elder children or their inlaws would help them raise their children.

By Nkechi Bianze

123 comments:

  1. This one loud oo. Aunty, the table you are shaking is not very strong o

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A poor man's sence of entitlement is the worst you have ever encountered.

      Yes' I am a strong supporter of class marriage. Marry your class. Poor should marry poor. Middle marry middle. Rich marry rich. Save yourself unnecessary headache. Grow together. Encourage each other. Celebrate each others success. No room for envy and overdependency. Both of you should struggle and excel together.

      Delete
    2. I agree with her!
      Stop burdening inlaws with ur family problems bcos dey sef hav their own ish!

      Allow people help ur family with free mind, dnt make it a must!

      Delete
    3. Saphire, SENSE not sence.

      Delete
    4. My dear sister, please loud it. That is the major problem in this Nigeria and they act like you owe them.
      I have been married for nine years and we are still taking care of husband's siblings even after training them in school, once it's close to pay day everyone of them will be calling him. The parents are not exempted and hubby is soft hearted and can easily be manipulated to part with money. This is the only regret in marriage. If I had known I would have waited for my ex that was the fifth child just like me with no responsibility at all. At least I would have enjoyed my life small. Working for ten years with nothing to show for it. Driving a rickety 2006 Toyota and still living in a rented apartment. God knows I am so tired. This is not the marriage life I planned 😭😭😭

      Delete
    5. Thank you 13.55. The post above is not about men who make their money and spend on their own extended family o. The poster is talking about men who marry and automatically inherits all his in-laws financial burdens. It is mostly in the east. Sometimes it is listed among the marriage items to build a house for your father in law and sponsor her siblings either in school or settle them on a trade.

      Delete
  2. Where is the lie? She is so right

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even me self dey find the lie but I am no see am.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Very right my sister. Including African parents waiting for their kids to start 50k salary work to fare for himself and also Give to his parents. African mentality is too poor. Reason the continent look bad nd undeveloped.

      Delete
  4. Thank God memo's are now being specific, the word is getting out there

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  5. its because they want to show that they are capable na.........imagine brother med sch, sister nursing sch, mother-in-law salary...they should just call him a business venture instead of husband/in-law..... you can help in times of need o but no raising someone kid for them because you married the daughter....hell this is what slavery really looks like, its not until they put chain on hand and legs

    ReplyDelete
  6. Very true, but this is not an Igbo problem.
    Any guy dating a Nigerian girl is automated ATM that discharges cash without ATM cards.
    Just say "hi" to a Nigerian lady and see if the next conversation won't be about recharge cards for her to call.
    And you will think she will be calling to share love notes and words? No.
    Her papa's medication just finished
    Her sister's school fees is due and
    she last made her hair in 2005.
    Let me not make more list.
    Go and read the comments on yesterday's IHN about the lady that "burnt the bridge".
    Immediately the guy contacted her here on single and mingle, she began cashing in and almost all the ladies here supported her greed. The guy of course took off.
    Most men are beginning to get the message; "date me and foot the bills, marry me and break the banks". And they are running away as fast as they came. So sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you read the article at all? or you just read the title

      Delete
    2. @12:37
      You that read it, why not enlighten me since I am unschooled?

      Delete
    3. I dont know where you meet these girls ooo. Ive never asked men for money and none of my female relatives or friends are like that.

      Delete
    4. thats because you keep meeting the greedy and materialistic ladies. not every lady is what you have described up there.

      Delete
  7. It makes sense. That is why most of these men age quickly and die early. Too many load. Do not get me wrong, an in-law (both male and female) should be generous and of their own free will, not something hauled upon them. Most of these people after doing so much good will still be repaid with ungratefulness and entitlement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will never be a liability to my husband
      I will never be a broke wife
      I will continue to work hard/smart to be rich
      My husband must never be the only one spending in the family
      I will never be only a sex machine and a baby making machine
      I will be a blessing and a helper to my husband
      It doesn't matter if he's the richest man alive, I'd still walk in to the marriage with my own money and investments
      I will not be a useless jobless lazy wife, Chukwu juru aju!
      Dear women, we can always do better..... daluu nu.

      Delete
    2. Daalu rinne. That's the spirit πŸ‘

      Delete
    3. Chisom u so right that's what we should aspire as women to be.

      Delete
    4. Yes oo my sisters, that's the goal and spirit πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ.

      Delete
    5. Ogo bu chi onye. Ones in-laws can be his god. This could be a way of appreciating your wife for her love and support to you. This is also one of the reason the level of poverty in Igboland is lower compared to other regions because it helps in wealth distribution. These help or support system might not necessarily be monetary or education, it might be training I'm business or apprenticeship. Sometimes these in-laws turns to be your childrens support system too. It is only bad when a man is been forced or coarsed to do what he doesn't want to do. For me the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.

      Delete
  8. is not only igbo that do that but i feel is a thing of family and when the man want to show off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it not only the igbo, other tribes do it but not forced into it. There's are different between willingness to do something and forcing someone to do something

      Delete
    2. Nobody is forcing anybody to do it. You dont have to do it if you dont want to. What if you dont have money, will you do it? Abeg, it is a choice.

      Delete
  9. You can only carry such heavy load if you allow such, stand your ground from the beginning and never promise what you can't finish, with time everyone will come around and accept you who you are.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Its so good to see proper Igbo people standing up now and speaking the truth, some of them are beginning to listen and open their eyes. No more covering up of what is bad or wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Where is the lie?

    Such responsibilities or burden should not be forced on anyone simply because he wants to get married to your daughter, if he does it out of his free will then good, if not whatever way he can assist so be it, its not a do or die affair bikonu

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh well, as far as I am concerned, this advice is for us, not our parents, because they have made their mistakes and there is no changing it (for them). So what do you do when you have siblings in a poor home? If you are the one blessed with some money, you should help out in training at least one of your siblings. You lift one up, so that together, you lift another up. That is how large families grow out of abject poverty. So what should they do? Escape poverty and leave their parents and siblings in there? That doesn’t sit right. However, you should also be careful what you are giving out money for. Not luxury or unnecessary things, neither should you ever let anyone guilt-trip you into displeasing yourself so you can please them; but training a child through university or through an apprenticeship program is not a luxury or a waste, it’s empowerment.
    I am totally against casting burdens on in-laws and I don’t encourage it. If there is anything I can’t afford or which I believe I won’t contribute to, then that’s it. No body should come ask my husband for anything, I see it as insulting to me and an avenue for see finish which I don’t want. But me, on my personal money? I give to my family as the spirit leads, without seeking permission from anyone.
    I just think our generation should be more determined than ever not to levy the black-tax on our children. Selfishly provide for your future. Anything you give out should be after you have catered to your own needs which includes planning for your retirement and catering to your own family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing wrong in helping your siblings as u said. It will do you good sef for all of them to have an education, because that will make them stand on their feet and lesson ur own burden in the future. But i will prefer if im the one educating my siblings and not my husband. Even if im doing it from the money i get from him, but let it come from me.
      We have seen some cases some men feel entitled to the body of their wives junior sister cos he's the one training her in school. Your husband can give ur ppl money, gifts etc. But when it comes to raising siblings, let it come from u, even if indirectly d money is from ur husband.

      Delete
    2. Beds and roses. When i saw the post i said isn't the wife working? I mean what is the woman doing that the man carry all that responsibility. To tell you the truth i can't even allow my husband support me like that. Because i can't say a word to him, he has bought all my birth right. I will feel obligated to only answer yes and no. To him
      I can't o!!!

      Delete
    3. It’s most common in the ibo land where they feel entitled. My friend was telling me that the father in law called all his daughters husbands beginning of the year that they should all contribute and get him a car. What rubbish? Why can’t his daughters come together to get their father a car. Never seen an entitled generation.

      Delete
    4. Come Y so in your mind, taking care of the kids and the home front with all the cooking, chores and what not is not work ba?
      Maybe you prefer to leave your home in the hands of strangers all bcos you want to be seen as a career woman (it's not a bad thing though). A woman's primary duty is taking care of the home while a man's is providing for his home/family.
      Where the man is unavailable is a different situation

      Delete
    5. If you are a teacher sef and they pay you 15k you can send your parents 5k every month, but to leave all the burden on the care of your own family on your husband because you are taking care of your own nuclear family is wickedness. Do you want to kill man. Career woman at least you have not turned somebody's son to what is don't understand.

      Delete
  13. I support her stance for it's
    just not fair to encumber anyone with your responsibilities.

    This reminds me of a former course-mate. Though I don't know much about the Igbo culture I remember she did complain about her inability to get married because she was from Imo. She had five sisters and they all weren't married. She told me about the list a man would have to submit if he wants to marry her and I was surprised. Her list was even more scary considering we schooled abroad, she was a masters student and the second child. She said her father and his kinsmen would have to factor in that aspect as well. According to her, she lost out on a few guys because of that list.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Her parents are not serious at all. Later, they will be the ones accepting anything just to get her married.
      Imagine.
      (can she elope?)

      Delete
    2. Sabella that gel is not yet ready to settle down neither he five sisters if they tow her line. More years to her oldmaidhood.

      Such mindset,it will be a bit understandable if her parents hold such archaic tradion but not her biko. T

      #LOVE

      Delete
    3. She didn't get married bcos her family members are greedy not bcos she's from imo state. I'm from IMO state a family of 6 girls and we're all married. Everything on our list during marriage was not upto 200k. So it's a family thing.

      Delete
    4. I don't know a thing about her now because it's been a minute. However, She mentioned eloping, then to get married to the next available man who indicates interest with just a single witness at her wedding, whether her parent accepts or not.

      @ The called, it was her father who had the mindset. She said her mother wasn't bothered in the least but the father and his kinsmen from her clan made the list and they had to honour it. There was one man from the Yoruba tribe who wasn't bothered about the list but couldn't marry her because the father also ordered them all not to bring one home for a husband. 🀷‍♀️

      I hope it all got settled eventually.

      Delete
  14. Gbam!! I agree!! 100%.
    Don't also forget the ones who heap responsibilties on daughters too! Not fair!

    Siblings never depend on your sibling's money!
    Work hard to be independent too!

    Remove entitlement mentality from your existence no matter how wealthy your sibling is!

    Go and make your own money!

    Lastly, birth the number of kids you can cater for comfortably without assistance from anyone.

    Women birth the number of kids you can train without assistance from your husband!
    Have the mentality you are the one to single handedly train your kids,and birth them accordingly.
    Then raise the standard if the man is responsible.

    I will not depend on my fellow human being solely for providence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bottom line is for everyone to learn to be solely independent. Don't kill your spouse with your family burden,make your own money

      Delete
  15. Nawa o, nothing we igbos no go see/hear.

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  16. Nawa o, nothing we igbos no go see/hear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na so i see am oo. Na we kill jesus oo. We dey so bad, we dey give everybody headache.

      Delete
  17. I agree with write up.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The poster should quit ranting, abeg. Nobody forced anyone to accept another's responsibility. Was the man under gun point to accept the above responsibilities? Why is the poster drinking panadol for another's head arch?

    It comes off me as being uninformed when folks generalize stuff instead of confronting it head on.

    This post could be anywhere and every tribe not only in Nigeria but in majority of the developing nations.

    If she has something against the Igbos, she should say it and not the nonsense she wrote up there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @This post could be anywhere and every tribe not only in Nigeria but in majority of the developing nations, wow I am so speechlessπŸ™„. It looks like she is Igbo too so she must have something against herself.

      Delete
    2. Haaa I tire ooo, there is no where in igboland its mandatory to care for your inlaw, its solely his decision, I don't like when people generalize issues I have bn married for 19yrs I can tell u that my husband does not know if my mom eat or not, it's my responsibility as her daughter to care for her. The man just want to answer better in law period

      Delete
    3. FYI, the writer is an Igbo lady. And she said THE TRUTH!!! God forbid i allow myself or my siblings marry from a poor family looking for the scapegoat to put their burden on

      Delete
    4. These are the kind of responses we are talking about πŸ‘†. Please accept the truth.

      Delete
    5. Nkechi Cheery Bianze is Delta-Igbo. She is my friend on Facebook. Though I don't agree with most of her ideologies but she dishes out wisdom at times.

      Delete
    6. But some Delta Igbos dont consider themselves Igbo na.

      Delete
  19. Hmmmm....this is indeed a common thing and i find it repulsive. It is d duty to train ur own kids,if u cant pls dont give birth to them.
    Many have to go into even crime because the responsibility of inlaw and even his own family is too much on him. Some will think till they have high-blood pressure. Women if u like let ur family over-burden ur husband and become a widow at a young age,ur eyes will clear bcos dey will abandon u and go to the next rich sister.
    Not a bad thing to assist ur family. But get a job so d burden ur hubby will be less. It also at a point bring disrespect to ur family bcos one day dat man will snap.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Really deep, but absolutely true , some spouses really go through a lot trying to satisfy their better halves

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  21. This is just the whole truth,Igbos are sure guilty of this and it seems it has become a norm but change is not too late and begins with me and you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      Delete
    2. Exactly De heroine,I love your honesty. Unlike the one Up there, lying to herself.😏

      Delete
  22. I am very sure if your friend said no to those burdens ,no one will force him but he wants to show he is the man,that's why they want to kill him with responsibility.

    His wife too is not a good woman, how can you allow your husband to be so burdened you want to kill him unless if he pretends to be a billionaire but then again, poor families harass their son in laws with demands, truth be told.

    Some men run to marry from well to do families not because they want to collect from the girl but they running from needy inlaws, my mom is sick my sis/brownies home cos of school fees = pressures on the man

    ReplyDelete
  23. Na dem. Borning all over the place like rat. You will see father, mother with 9 children all in one room. Tufia!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it Igbos you are talking about?? Or the northerners?? Lemme know

      Delete
  24. The bitter truth is poor people are a financial burden not just in marriages. Even wealthy family members are overwhelmed with the burdens of carrying every other underachiever in the family.

    When it comes to marriage, some parents use their children and their spouses as retirement plan and it's not just an IGBO thing. My parents made it clear to us that they chose to have children so we don't owe them for raising us so doing things for them is not an OBLIGATION.

    My husband's obligation is to me and our kids. Everything else he does for my family or his is from the kindness of his heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can say that again.

      #LOVE😍

      Delete
    2. Exactly Perxian πŸ‘

      Delete
    3. Thank u so much, the same thing I told my husband when he said he is under obligation to cater for my parents and his siblings. I told him no u are only under obligation to cater for me and the kids. Imagine his half sister telling me she is his responsibility the earlier I get that the better for me

      Delete
  25. Well she is right tho... Try work hard and pray.

    ReplyDelete
  26. There is no law in igbo land that says he has to do that.

    If he has turned himself to a mumu for his wife's family, how's that our problem?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My sister, I tire oh 🀷🀷. Shebi, he's forming billoniare son-in-law,ngwanu let him carry his burden. And that his wife na mumu, when her husband suddenly dies of heart attack, her eyes go clear

      Delete
    2. Read to comprehend well before you comment.

      Delete
    3. Amanda Favour nwannem welcome back.. Its been a while. Hope u are good?

      Delete
    4. It is shocking that you would actually make a comment like this, most of them actually guilt trip the man or emotionally blackmail the poor man.

      Delete
    5. She never said there was a law, did she?

      Delete
    6. There is no law but its happening, its like some kind of right. In all cases the man always seems helpless and the most annoying part is that the man's family members are being shunned overtime.

      Delete
    7. I wish i didn't know someone on this table but i do and am sorry to generalise but Imo girls (maybe those from poor homes) are brought up to use their beauty to look for 'rich men' to uplift their family. I have a friend who's other half had to build a house for the girl's father inorder for a traditional marriage to occur, mind you her husband had not built a house in his village nor where he resides. All her brothers were spoilt with money from her husband while in school and uptill today almost 10years after marriage they are still leaches on her husband. Her brothers are now graduates but refuse to work cos i know one of them was offered a job but he says he wants to travel out. Every single responsibility of her and her family is on her husband. Let's not pretend igbos are sitting solidly on this table and once those ladies birth male children for their husbands they become alpha and omega due to the importance igbos' place on male kids. By the way am also igbo but let's call a spade a spade

      Delete
  27. Nkechi, it’s not an igbo thing. It’s just thing in Nigeria. All tribes have people like that your friend training people.
    I’m igbo and my father trained my mother’s family as well as his. It was more his family than my mother’s sef. Igbo people practice “community benevolence”. My father had more than enough and he was a true philanthropist. He helped people we are not even related to.
    Your friend is being extreme with his giving, that’s all. It is not an igbo thing abeg. The family is simply taking advantage of him. Shame on them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly πŸ‘

      Delete
    2. My people, this is not an Igbo, Nigerian or African thing. It is a human thing. I have met people from different parts of the world with this issue. My oyibo oga sef is complaining of his in-laws, oyibos too, having an entitlement mentality. My South Korean friend cried about this issue. Her own is really pitiful because she is expected to pay her stepfather's gambling debts. The man gambles, her mother cries, my friend pays. When she spoke up, her mother called her an ingrate. I don't why people confuse being good with being used.

      Delete
  28. Wait you came to this conclusion because of one guy you know?
    😁

    My siblings are younger that those from my husband's but I can stand anywhere to say mg siblings hardly ask me for money talk more of my husband.In fact they are hustlers!

    Its Igbos you're referring to here o.People who turn nothing to something in business. People who have shoulder pads naturallyπŸ˜€

    Ibo's hardly rely on people and oh yes,my family is a typical example.

    Common,kota akuko ozo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which one is it...igbo or ibo or is it both

      Delete
    2. 13:13 it's IGBO, disregard the other one

      Delete
  29. Lmao but the men don’t mind. the tribe with the lowest divorce rate. Even on twitter all the men rant is how they like igbo women. Banks, hospitals, law firms, schools, shops, many Igbo women. On this same blog when a woman marries a broke man they insult her. Leave igbo people alone abeg. As if they’re not the tribe most likely to produce female nurses and doctors in America

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yinmu🀣🀣🀣🀐🀐

      Delete
  30. its not an ibo thing, so it shouldn't be generalized, madam writer, they did not point a gun to your friends head that he most assist the whole community, 'no go dey do pass yourself' a popular phase goes.. there should be a limit to what an in-law should do, sponsoring someone through school abroad and 9ja plus placing mother in law on salary and also helping father in law to renovate his house...wetin hapun?some ibo people that i know are very proud and they love to carry their own cross will disagree with this lamentation, dear writer tell your friend to speak up, he isn't obligated to do anything for his wife entire community, he can assist from time to time, not doing all that you stated, who is he impressing? after doing all this,he will still be crying inside...inside life,, omerora one of 9ja and Ukrane..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. King you be salvage Walahi🀣🀣🀣🀣...Na real Omerora of 9ja and Ukraine.
      Everybody wan use Igbos shine but God pass them. Why do this things and still call a pity party bikoπŸ™„πŸ™„

      Delete
    2. Please stop saying gun to head, haven't you seen instances where a child is doing this for her family or his family and doesn't have a life? It is almost the same thing as asking why a spouse doesn't leave a DV marriage. Omo they will blackmail your life emotionally if not go diabolical on you. Some that are over wealthy do it without stress but in this case the poster's illustration doesn't even have a house to call his own and he is striving so much for inlaws. Maybe the person's husband loves her soo much and they now manipulate him to do things because they know he has a weakness for his wife

      Delete
  31. Even though this happen in every parts of Nigeria, but It is very common in Igbo land! One of my lady friend almost ran mad because of family demands; she had to give herself sense immediately and shut her door to all her sucking blood siblings. They almost ruin her marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Correction - in every part of the world. I have seen foreigners on this same dynamic.

      Delete
    2. It is worse in Nigeria abeg. Asides in Indians and some Chinese, dat bring all their family to join them when they migrate, i don't see other races practising this...…. Oyibo that from 18/20 they expect their kids to even move out and get a job.
      But u see Nigerians if u are rich with no relatives living with u, ur training they call you stingy as if na you born dem.

      Delete
  32. I agree with the writer on this
    I got pregnant for my husband because several suitors were rejected for you most train 3 of her younger ones, renovate our building, buy new car for us, every months be sending 100k for feeding gbam.
    The whole thing just tired me that i have to give them chance.
    Was 5months gone when my husband and i went for introduction, brideprice was paid in a week and straight to registry and relocated jejely.
    She came for omugho last year for my last baby and said she's very proud of me that i made my choice without allowing anyone to decide for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your family is greedy niyen. My husband doesn't have any of such responsibility.

      Delete
    2. May your husband no die young...

      Pls start doing something to help your family.

      There's no law that a husband must do such.

      Delete
  33. But seriously, dem use jazz for the guy head? I bet he's not helping his own family

    ReplyDelete
  34. Those disagreeing with the poster are those who are burdening or plan to burden their significant other

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘ŠπŸ½πŸ‘ŠπŸ½πŸ‘ŠπŸ½

      Delete
  35. Hmmm. This is the reason why some ladies i know are not married. God fearing, well brought out ladies but the men back off once it's noticed the ladies are bearing the financial burdens of their families

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  36. My landlord's wife is on this table o, her two brothers in the university it's oga landlord that is paying their fees, her mother's shop is oga landlord that is paying the fee and the wicked mother inlaw
    Will not take the business seriously, oga landlord pays their rent and takes care of their feeding, she even brought 3 of her brothers children to the city it is still oga landlord that is paying for their school fee, what about the father inlaw that one is a write off, he has all the big sickness you can think of guess who is footing the bills of course is oga landlord. If not for this Corona thing oga landlord wants to buy a car for him to be using to carry passengers on the road. Oga landlord have two sisters o but all hell will let loose the day he try to send them 200naira mtn card.

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  37. I am single and doing very fine but I know that any man that marries me right now will have issues because African parents see their kids as insurance/ATM. All my money goes into helping family and I’m sick of it. I am extremely tired. This is not what I want to bring my husband into. This is not even what I want for myself. I don’t want to “be grateful” to any man for rescuing me from bills. I just want to be happy. So I purposely am single for now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You better start calling them (your family members) to order, if not they will go ahead and make something good out of their lives, start their own family while you will continue to support them and continue to grow older with no immediate family of your own

      My dear, know when to draw the line and don't put yourself on the line for anyone.

      Delete
    2. I am doing that vehemently but I'm clashing with my mother. All i hear is "people took care of you", "you're disrespectful because you're feeding me" "You are going to have your own one day". So much emotional blackmail. Please start early. Dont wait long like i did. Let them know your stand early. Give them but they must know that what you give is final until when next u have

      Delete
    3. Sorry about your experience.et me recommended the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It would teach you the tools you need to relate with your family and how to say no when you need to. All the best.

      Delete
    4. Please get married! Give what you can after taking care of your nuclear family ( you, hubby & children) and saving for retirement. It’s all blackmail that they trained you. I don’t know how old you are but you are much younger as my kids are old enough to marry but my school fees were N60 per term and adjust for inflation, my parents spent less than $1500 on me. However I slaved for 2 decades so much that the moneygram clerk asked if we had a charity in Nigeria!

      They won’t pay you back so give what you can forget so you won’t be bitter when you are older and the cycle won’t repeat itself. Stay off SM or use aliases or private setting! Don’t put off marriage for them, let your husband know how you feel and agree to be on the same page. Get closer to God as some will resort to voodoo and sorcery!

      Delete
  38. Aunty easy on this table you are shaking o. But the truth is always bitter though

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  39. Generally speaking, men are ATM machine in Nigeria. Having said that, it is important to note that an average Igbo man has a sense of responsibility and if they marry a woman they think gives them peace, they can pull down any mountain for her and his inlaws because 'nma nwoke bu ego.' And some of them prefer their wives sacrifice her work to raise a family hence that which she would have been assisting her family to do, he takes on. He also knows that a child's maternal home is a place of refuge and should anything happen to him or his wife, even if his family maltreats his wife and kids, their maternal home would succor them. That is why you may see an Igbo man invest heavily in his wife's family even build them befitting houses before embarking on his own. However, with trying times and global economic disruptions, it is advisable for women generally and Igbo women in particular to manage the burdens on their husbands so they can live long to enjoy what they built together ie. it is no longer the era of 'oriaku' rather, we are now in the era of 'odoziaku.' May our husbands live long to enjoy us, our children and the fruit of their labour, amen. Igbo amaka!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for this narration. If you have enough it will be good to help your inlaws. You never tell when you will need them.

      Delete
  40. She's making sense. I hate when a woman will give birth and expect someone else in future to cater for her kids.
    My friend in uni was so desperate to get married to a rich man so that the man could help train her sister.
    I hate entitlement mentality with a passion. It irks me.

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  41. Im Igbo and thankfully all my siblings are doing well. My Dad and a sis got sick simultaneously and drained us financially. Had to sacrifice alot to ensure they were ok. My ex bf took off immediately I told him. I wasn't asking him for money o but he thought I would eventually and he started acting funny almost immediately. It's been two yrs and my dad is fine but eventually lost my sis but I know suitors that came for me and my name other sis ran cos of it. Please note that we are earning ok so never needed to ask but they assumed we will.

    I owe my parents to take care of them as they trained me...it's no one's duty but mine. If my current bf wants to help, fine! The same thing applies if we get married but he knows I will never ask him, I'd rather borrow (I hate borrowing) than ask him.

    It all depends on the family but unfortunately it's now a general assumption which affects others. We are not poor by any standard and yet here we are.

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  42. Do not generalise. Besides these men chose to take up such responsibilities I guess they where too weak to reject it. It's their headache, stop drinking panadol for another man's headache.
    Truth be told it is a wicked act by those wives and parents that heap responsibilities on their son unless. It is a very smelly poverty mentality.
    I mean why now, my parents have two son in laws, they don't take shishi from them, my parents have trained all their children and even nieces and nephews without. So nobody is begging shit from a son inlaw.
    If a son inlaw decides to give a gift of appreciation it's very welcomed but a responsible parent should ensure such son inlaw is doing well in taking care of his own immediate family before accepting such gift.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Lol it’s funny the writer thinks this happens only in Igbo cause it happens all over the world.

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  44. So true. na their way be that. They will dash in-laws responsibilities he did not bargain for.

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  45. If you can help please do. Life is a misery, don't think you have it all that nothing will get to you. Remember you are also going to have kids don't think they won't need help some day and some one will remember your own good deeds.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Mt neighbor is sitting comfortably on this table.

    When her first daughter got married, she went to her base and stay with her for months, when she came back, her second son went to stay with the girl for months again.

    When she gave birth last year, this woman travelled to do omugwo and stay for like 6months, who does that?

    When they did the child dedication, her second son travelled oh and stay with the mother and sister before returning back.

    Now since March her second daughter has been with her elder sister till date.

    Now the mother said after this lockdown, she will go stay with her daughter for 6months.

    This is a girl, that got married 2018, why not allow her to enjoy her husband.

    If they need salt, they will call her to send money. This woman is young but just too lazy.

    Thank goodness for the kind of mother I have. I doubt if she will even have the chance to come do omugwo for me sef.

    ReplyDelete
  47. My dad is sitting comfortably on this table. Thank God I don't take nonsense from him. When I wanted to get married, he said y was I rushing into marriage when I should be training my brother(the last born). I didn't even answer him,such audacity! Although I ended up paying for his fees in a private university and I'm glad it's over, coupled with my parents rent every year.Believe me it can be sometimes exhausting being the first born. The day he called I and my husband to give us bill for a burial of his sister, I almost went mad, I was so embarrassed. I told him to his face we don't have such money and gave him some of it...My immediate were even trained by my uncle who was a lecturer in their school. I'm the only one he managed to train by himself, even though my mum did more for me in school. I always wonder why some parent give birth to children without plans to take care of them..

    ReplyDelete
  48. She did a very good advert of herself and her family background. Single men where thou art? Please ask her to pay for her bride price,too. She is desperate enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Truth is very bitter, she said the truth, stop making your husband's ATM machine for your family cos las las na you go suffer

      Delete
  49. I agree with her generally, but Igbo men are some of the most misogynistic men in Nigeria always looking to oppress and financially control women, so to me this is the cross they have to bear in exchange for that behavior. You cannot do everything to subjugate women, using "career girl" as insult and call every woman who becomes financially successful an ashewo, to the point that young women now believe marriage is the only achievement then start complaining when she's not productive enough to support her own family financially.
    Let them get crushed under the financial responsibility, they are the architects of their own misfortune

    ReplyDelete
  50. Well? Responsibility makes you complete and matured. Every deed has a praise. Life is not all about enjoyment. Carrying a Cross is true living. Every body has need for help so don't break the sequence if you must be relevant.

    ReplyDelete

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