Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Sunday In House Gists - Scrapping The Bride Price System

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Sunday, May 17, 2020

Sunday In House Gists - Scrapping The Bride Price System

Where in the World are you from?Is there a fixed Bride price or does each family have to fix their own bride price?







Do you think the practice of bride price should be scrapped?
I hear Rwanda has set their maximum bride price at $83.




Some women become bond to men in Marriages and sometimes even after the Marriages crashes,the man or his family might refuse to collect their money back to punish the lady while the man moves on and remarries....

Some people are of the school of thought that believes the bride price system should be abolished....I am not a lawyer and cannot quote any cases but i believe that some cases that have to do with this issue have reached a court of lawyer before.

What is your stand on this issue?

Do you know anyone currently suffering because the man refused to collect his money back so that she can move on?

Lets gist!

61 comments:

  1. I respect the bride price tradition in Nigeria, but I feel it's long overdue for a review especially in the amount of money and gifts given as price to the family of the bride.

    Some selfish parents have used it as an opportunity to rip off the husbands of their children and ended up creating division and hatred from their children and in-laws.

    Some men have even called off beautiful relationships because they felt exploited with the heavy bride price and list given to them.

    All things should be done with moderation.

    Bride price shows you have a family who know your worth and value, but it shouldn't be turned into a business venture by greedy parents.

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    1. πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

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    2. Very correct! Stella it can only be reviewed and not scrapped totally. Even the bible recognises bride price as the money the groom pay to the brides father. So is also biblical.

      But moderation need to set In. Some parents see it as a mean to sell their daughters off.

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    3. It's old testament biblical. No Christian can be bound by Mosiac law. And besides life is far more complex than all this. Returning or keeping the dowry means nothing in real life.

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    4. Chai, may you live long Stella..., Your blogging style is second to none....
      I ran out of a domestic violence marriage 6 years ago.... Ever since then he vehemently refused to collect back his bride price after several pleading from family and friends.... According to him, I must face the consequence of living him.... According to him, God hates divorce and he won’t be part of it by collecting back his bride price...
      This issue gave me sleepless nights for years, I cried to God to help me fix it anyway possible... I questioned my choice of leaving but deep down I knew he could have killed me one day, cos when he beat me, he had to mercy...
      I recently prayed and fasted cos of this issue and the 4th day of my fasting, he reached out to my family for us to return back his bride price... My testimony plenty, someday I will send in a chronicle of hope to Stella....

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    5. 15:20, I thought they said if a man refuses to collect the bride price the elders of the bride's family can return it to the groom's family compound in a broken calabash?

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    6. I think I’m this is mostly a discussion for the igbos they are the ones we Hawa about exorbitant bride orices. For us in the north, bride price is not very high, because your parents are not selling you off because you are invaluable. If u hear of high bride prices in the north it’s usually because the family of the lady is cheap or they are new money people who don’t understand the value of the institution

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    7. Sometimes the laws we apply to nature are not necessarily true for we are bound by the limit of our mind and existence

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    8. Can't the bride price Money be transfered back to his bank account? Must it be given as cash to him?
      Just asking,I need clarification.
      I would be glad if my question is answered,Thanks.

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  2. πŸ‘° bride price shouldn’t be imposed on people or fixed to meet up with! For me I wnt mind paying πŸ’° 2million for a bride price provided the money is there cause I ought to placed my love for her above just material things.... that is that

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  3. The Yorubas Don't collect bride price,so there's really nothing to scrap.

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    Replies
    1. So if a marriage like that ends @mom Ella what will happen?

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    2. Please, enough with this talk. My friend from Ondo, her husband put money inside envelope for both her mum and dad.

      Dunno where you people get this talk of yoruba's not collecting bride price. I think her husband even dropped more on her head than my husband even dropped.

      I dunno about hausas but I know yorubas collect. I'm 100% sure.

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    3. It depends on family, my parent didn't collect and plenty other people that I know of and we are Yoruba

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    4. @Eka Joy, most Yoruba families do not collect bride price. My parents did not collect for me or my sister. No bride price was paid for my cousin's as well and in many Yoruba families I know, the bride price is usually returned on the traditional wedding day.

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    5. @mom Ella, some Yoruba parents do. I know it's usually a very small amount 10k-15k. I also know that it's mostly returned to the bride's parents or given to the new couple.

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    6. Ema joy it’s Yoruba culture never to accept bride price. The in-laws do present the envelope as bride price, the head of the bride’s family would first collect it politely then return it explaining that He or she and the family are not selling their daughter but are happy for the loving union to take place. My dear dad did same and I felt very honoured that no one was paying money for me like some piece of property abeg. That being said my in-laws did bring nice gifts for the extended family but money being paid for anyone’s head was an absolute no. Yorubas do not take bride price

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    7. Eka if you are opportuned to know what is inside the envelope it may be 5 naira in 4 places, Yorubas don't collect brideprice, in my family they pick the least currency return the rest to the groom's family with a strict warning of you beat or maltreat my child you contend with me

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    8. which Yoruba's don't collect pride price. You guys should keep deceiving yourselves, my bro married a Yoruba girl and we paid heavily. All them eru iyawo is it not part of bride price list. We bought biscuit and drinks all assorted, milk,milo,sugar,all in carton and they didn't collect one carton for each, the family refuse collecting one carton for each same with drinks. It felt like we were opening a new new provision shop. Tubbers of yam, eja osan 21, 6chicken, all those them plenty Yoruba bridal list. Then money for her dad has accepted 20k,Money for her mum has accepted 20k, money for old people , money for reading letter was the cheapest 1k. Then bride price they wrote voluntary, my people put 10k, only for her parent to say, the money was small. They later returned bride price. But we spent exactly half a million naira on buying her bridal list. So Yoruba's miss me with the rubbish talk of we don't collect bride price. Even igbos saw the list and kept smh. We still have the list by the way. #spotremover#

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    9. And yes they said we can't negotiate on the list that they can't compromise on their daughter. Who God has blessed no man can curse. The lady is a good girl but her parent were a no no. My parent love her regardless and we the siblings do. But her parent no try. #spotremover#

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    10. This is a rare case. I've never heard/seen this before. When it comes to bride price, yoruba parents are usually very reasonable. It's surprising that they told you to put any amount in the envelope and still told you the 10k was small. It's hard to believe!!!! Very very hard

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  4. In my place,it's a fixed price for everyone,either you are an indigene or not!! Every item brought with the bride price is exposed for all to see! So no mago mago,or going behind to tell your suitors family another amount...at the end,the money is even returned back to them cos they will tell you,we are not selling our daughter! They will just collect other items

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  5. We the yoruba's return back the bride price to the groom's family.
    In another news BVS. Please repent and give your life in fullest to CHRIST . Tomorrow may be too late!

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  6. bride price should not be abolished, where I come from in Africa, you can always negotiate the all payment, their is no fixed price, except you have greedy and hungry parent.

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  7. My dad has never accepted bride price for any of his daughters,
    He said what's important is for the husbands to take care of his daughters and build a good home as he has done with his wife,
    In December they'd be 50 years in marriage πŸ’‘.
    My mom is from that part of river where the groom is made to pay so heavily and being an only daughter of her family hmm they over billed my dad but oh well he shut the state down when he performed the traditional rites ,but for we his daughters he has never accepted any form of money payment for marriage.

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    Replies
    1. Awon feminist gang gang17 May 2020 at 16:11

      So you are from Rivers state.?

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    2. She said "my mom". You won't settle down and read properly but if it's to be shouting feminist gang gang everywhere, you know that one 😏

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    3. Awon feminist gang gang17 May 2020 at 19:01

      Anonymous 17:35 thanks for the correction. Feminist gang gang loves you. Peace and healing to the world.

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  8. Let's ask the feminists who obviously will argue that the lady moves on: Should we SCRAP the bride price?
    I don't like bride price in any form and want it scrapped.

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    1. Awon feminist gang gang17 May 2020 at 16:13

      In every good thing comes with a price. It is biblical.

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    2. Awon feminist gang gang17 May 2020 at 16:23

      God hates divorce, its allowed except for infidelity or adultery. There is a manuscript for every marriage written in the bible. It's when there is disobedience to the word of God that issues of domestic violence comes in. I will be honest with you, every domestic violence is associated with mistrust, infidelity, insubmissiveness, lack of love, understanding and communication. No sane man will wake up and start beating his wife. Returning the bride price when there is no adultery is not allowed by God even if there is proof of DV. Solving the root of the problems that cause the DV is important. Some people have stone heart, we heard these days they call it irreconcilable differences. Truth be told all these issues is not why God created the institution called marriage. When the devil creeps in the marriage will scatter if both partners are not prayerful and watchful.
      Peace and healing to the world.

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  9. I am from Anambra, I don't know the exact amount for bride price in my town, but i know very well about the 150 tubers of yam among the list. Dad normally negotiate with the in-laws, but at the end of the day, he will collect only #300 from the agreed amount he will give me #100 as the last born and two of my cousins that are last borns too will get #100 each and hand over the balance to the in-laws. I witnessed this practice thrice and I still have pictures, unfortunately he died before it got to my turn. He will tell you to take care of his daughter, feed her,love her,no beatings etc, that he is not selling his daughter to you and that you should continue seeing whatever you saw that made you want to marry her till the end of time. Continue to rest in peace Dad.
    Story has it that a woman is not supposed to know how much her bride price is but I don't know if its myth or fact.

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    1. May your dads soul rest in peace...i know how much hubby paid as my bride price cuz he told me afterwards

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    2. Your dad was a good man just like my dad. My dad only collected one thousand naira as my bride price. Even my in-laws were surprised bcos they've heard alot of rumours about my tribe and exorbitant bride price. Dad continue to rest in peace. Your baby girl loves you a lot.

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  10. I think the best is to live in modern times

    #focus

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  11. For example: I cant keep myself bound if the man I married has moved on, brideprice or not, if he doesn't want to collect it back, move on, if he sees you have moved, he will have no choice. Maybe d false hope dat d man might come back is what is bringing that excuse...do a bank transfer of his money back to him, tag it. "Bridepride" n inform anyone that wishes to listen. You mustn't remarry just date other people. My own morality no reach unfair marriage...

    Anyways, if you prefer to go husbands house free of charge, go...there's no blueprint to these things. Me, they must collect small thing, by a slim chance he gets tired, we do bank transfer...no headaches.πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

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    1. BB una bride price and list Sha...

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    2. Bank transfers nice one. So if one is a bad marriage with a stubborn man, save his account number in your email.

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  12. I firmly believe it should be abolished. Only greedy families who see it as an opportunity to enrich themselves would not like my reasoning.

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  13. I think we should think of the aftermath of the brideprice..

    Its what others have gained/lost from the theories of paying bride price, that makes it seems like paying bride price is bad or mentally decimated..

    Bride price can't be scrapped, its the aftermath of it, that should be looked into..

    You can't killed a child because he or she is bad..

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    1. Culture and tradition is the biggest problem Africa faces today.

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  14. I like the idea of a traditional marriage/bride price paying. In my father's house, my father set the amount of bride price, it is just a token of 25naira.

    What my father really cared about then, was a man that can treat his daughters right, respect her, care for and love her.

    My dad always ask the question of: can you take care of my daughter, will you respect her and honour her rights as a human being.

    Now, the paying of bride price does not mean that the woman is being sold off to the man, it is a sign of respect and honour to the family that raised the beautiful bride.

    In the country I reside, they still perform traditional marriage until date (even though it no longer make headlines) it is what is called the OPENING OF THE BED. The groom and his family will spray money on the bed for the bride and then sprinkle rice on it.
    You have to be very close to them here and involved with them for you to know that these things still happen. Even in some other European countries too, they still perform traditional marriage.

    As for the case of divorce, there is a customary court for that. I was taught back in secondary school, that the customary court is partly incharge of traditional marriage divorce, I have known that since I was young; you can refund the bride price amount there with some elders in your family, If the man and his family members decided not to use their senses and have some decorum.

    I support that beautiful tradition of bride price paying and the beautiful eye-catching traditional attire.

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    1. Thank God it happens elsewhere oooooo, bride price doest not tie one down, the court/registry does because it take over a year to finalize dissolution of bond. For me I appreciate the traditional part of marriage rite to other parts.

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    2. Greece is fun! Cradle of western civilization.


      Gorgeously human

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    3. Yeah, Greece is beautiful and fun, I'd love to visit there again

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  15. In Urhobo land, bride price is less than #1,000.

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  16. I used to be in support of the bride price system, but with experiences and things I've seen so far, I think it should be scrapped.
    The important thing is that two people have decided to marry. The two families can come together and do a little or large ceremony depending on what they want.

    I also think a traditional marriage certificate should be introduced. Signed by both parties with 2 witnesses each.

    A lot of African men view their women as mere properties they have acquired just because they paid bride price.In other words, they 'bought' the woman.

    Some parents on the other hand see this as a money making venture. A case where they want to 'sell' off their daughters for financial gains or selfishly look for the highest bidder not minding who their daughter desires..



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  17. No,it shouldn't be scrapped but some families should be considerate with the list.

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  18. I'm in the process of getting divorced from an abusive man. We have a child together & he will always be the father. But I am going to ask them to go drop the brideprice at his dad's compound. Whether they accept or not, I have already moved on. They raised their children so poorly, one ran away as an adult and refuses to contact them; he was the most emotionally abused. I tried to help their son but he prefers their wicked ways & wants to starve me deliberately. Seized my money and provides only 25k a month to care for the baby. The nanny's care and food for the house should be from me. Fueling the house, buying water, throwing trash, even paying PHCN bill was from me till I refused. Threat of physical violence put an end to everything.
    So, whether they collect or not, I have moved on.

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  19. Stellakoko, bride price cannot be scrapped but can be reviewed and some of the ridiculous gifts itemised in the list totally removed.

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  20. Me I love the idea of bride price payment as long as some greedy parents don't hijack it.

    I watched mine when we got our wedding vide and my husband and I were just laughing about the whole process.

    He didn't pay much (he was even expecting to pay more). They just tell u to bring what u have and for drama sake, they may tell u in the most playful way possible to add more to it.

    At this point, his family started gathering their 5h, 1k small small to add to it. It was really hilarious.


    I can boldly say in my own family, there's no fixed price, even the list is very very negotiable, you just bring what u can (though there are some things that are compulsory) and they will accept them after the usual back and forth.

    Basically, I just think families should stop ruining this tradition with their greed, it's supposed to be a fun tradition

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  21. I'm Yoruba and my dad has never taken bride price. He only tells the groom and the new in-laws to take care of his daughter. I don't really care if it's abolished or not. I just think if you're going to be asking for bride price or traditional right list, it should be fair. I remember during my service year in Ph, my neighbor showed me the list his girlfriend gave him. He's igbo and she's igbo as well (from Imo) oh Jesus!! It was a lotttt. Honestly, it was so much. The guy had to suspend all the wedding plans. I felt bad for him. He was sponsoring her in school (school fee, rent, foodstuff etc) cos her dad is late and her mom was struggling but mehn the list shock me. I think it was typed on about three A4 papers. Moderation is important. Let's be fair in our dealings especially when it comes to weddings.

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  22. My mother's bride price was #5, she aaid her dad took #1 and returned the rest. We dont return bride price in my place.

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  23. Most times, if the list is too much, just get the girl pregnant and the list will be toned down πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

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  24. Honestly, bride price should be scrapped as a matter of urgency. Reasons being that it has given most married men reasons to abuse their wives emotionally. In argument, you'll hear things like "I married you with my own money, so you're my property"; you do what I wants you to do, you stay where I wants you to stay. Only 'I' entitlement, implying he owns everything... wife inclusive.
    It's really annoying. If only it'll be scrapped, it will go a long way to reduce irrational behaviors from men.

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  25. An abusive man will still say nonsense whether bride price is scrapped.
    My late dad took our standard village N1k abi N2k, plus the list of yams and whatever. Honestly if hubby couldn’t afford the food stuff, he has no business marrying me. That has never come up in arguments over the past 10 years because I didn’t come to marriage empty handed. I was raised mostly abroad, several degrees, even more than him, and came from a comfortable family.
    Yes let’s stop greedy parents from taking advantage but let’s not scrap culture altogether.

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  26. I am fully in support of the motion, that it be scrapped! ...but traditions don't go away just like that. Let us unbiasedly face the significance of this money! You want someone to pay you for raising your own child? A young couple starting life need all the money they can get.
    I agree, gifts can/ should be exchanged by both families. That's all!

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  27. This is the problem with people from dysfunctional and less privileged family backgrounds. They want to tear down the social order, so we should abandon the beauty of our cultural marriage systems because they didn't get a good deal? What did they expect, when the primary fundamentals of courtship are totally disregarded for pecuniary and myopic reasons. Bride price is a beautiful practice and shouldn't be stopped, anyone who doesn't like it can get married anyhow they please that's assuming the supposed partner go gree.

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