Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative ...

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Wednesday, June 03, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative ...

Na wah oh......





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

LOAFER HUSBAND


Hmnnn. Stella, its with pain I write these epistle of mine.
Pls hide my identity and notify me when you
Post this.cos I'd be in the comments section.
I'm married with 3 children. Fi6r the past 9 years that I've been married. My husband has not for once fed this family for a week straight.


It happened that he has a business venture that crashed woefully n it seems it has affected his morale. Stella I've walked in to the room n seen this man crying with tears. Tears that I know of due to compounded frustrations.
It has gotten so bad that he had sold roasted fish before and bartender. He has done manual labor also just to get himself busy.
I'm working and I hustle hard to ensure we don't lack. One may never believe except he's in the the picture of what's happening.
This man's father is a former ambassador with enough connections to get his son s job or something. But he's feigned dead ears to his first sons predicament.


He said he's not aware that his son has a problem. He's also pretending not to know that it's me that's footing the weight of raising his son and grandchild when I have my own dad whom no one is taking care of.


Before u say the dad owes him nothing. The same dad has found jobs for his remaining 3 kids in lucrative agencies.


I've completely stopped visiting his parents house cos I don't understand how they seem to pretend that all is well. Is it that they have no shame or conscience, how would they feel if one of their daughters is married to a man like their son? Would they even allow such marriage to hold.


The mum is a decoration mbanu.shes that type of woman that has accepted her fate of being a wife of a rich man with no responsibility except to sit and look stupid.i can't imagine a woman watching another woman feed her son.
why can't she plead to her husband on behalf of her son?


Honestly im in pain. This husband of mine has never laid his hands in a business that has succeeded. He's had over 5 businesses so far that has collapsed. He seem to have this bad luck at everything he places his hands on.him
Stella do u think it's a curse on him?
I've asked him to get a regular day job so as to be able to at least have something doing till such a time that he can have a business that is profitable but he's refused.


Another painful aspect is that his mom or sister had never worked for a day, they have husband's that take responsibility So I don't know or understand how comfy they are with the fact that a woman is doing what they've never done for a man to their son.


Stella im carrying the burden in all the financial aspect of this family. He is officially s house husband.. I'm just tired.
Sometimes i look at him and I'd notice that that from the shoe on his leg to his boxers.tibhis tooth brush.na me buy am.


Is this normal? Should I walk away n leave him n see if they may help him?
On his own he's not helping matters.this man lives for evening so he would go out n drink.he can ask me for 50 naira to climb bike to go and drink.i've advised him to shelf the habit and see if his life doesn't change.

He claims that he can't sleep without beer in his system as it's the only thing that keeps him sane.

Is it possible that I'm the one encouraging his excesses? Is this a normal marriage or is he just clinging to me cos he has no one else?
Stella,the way I work hard eh;u'd think I'm a widow trying to keep her family.but no i have a fully ground 40+ Man at home.
Stella what should I do? 





Why are you blaming your parents in law?you married a USELESS MAN and all the reasons you stated are probably why his Father has refused to bail him out and probably helped the others thinking he would change but it looks like you are containing his excesses so he is relaxed.....
You know the right thing to do so why are you asking us to tell you?If you are not tired of babysitting him,then please continue....

Otherwise you shove his behind to stand like a man,stop already!

150 comments:

  1. Hmmmmm, madam I don't know how to advice you because you stated that he has tried but success didn't embrace him..
    Have you tried prayer. God can do the impossible to happen.

    What if His parents never supported your marriage and this is their way of punishing you.
    Investigate and find out what is happening behind the scenes. This world is more spiritual than we see.

    Him drinking 🍻 to keep sane is his business as long as you're not funding that habit..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel it's more spiritual.
      The things women silently go through in marriages ehe.

      Delete
    2. The world is more spiritual o.

      Delete
    3. This is where your husband's mum should step in and help find solution to this.


      May God help you.

      Delete
    4. Reading what you wrote, there are many angles to it. Your husband might be lazy as Stella implies and that’s why his family is not helping him. But what thing came to my mind reading through your story. Your husband is the first son. Could it be that there is something his father want to serve or join that he refused that made his dad turned his back on him? Why I don’t think it is laziness, for him to do manual jobs, sold roasted fish and even a bartender means he is not ashamed to do a legal job to survive. Try talking to your husband to see if he can open up to you. Everyone has a mumu button, find his and talk to him in that state. There is more to his father’s refusal. I don’t think someone in his right senses will have the opportunity to help his children and allow them to suffer. What is your prayer life like? Go down on your knees in your nothingness and intercede for your home. Fortify yourself with fasting and pray that your husband be delivered. Please, feel free to take care of your home. Don’t count what you buy for your husband and son. If you can afford it, do it with pride. Instead of your husband going out to drink a bottle of beer, tell him to stay home and drink the beer. He might be heading into depression and not being lazy. I understand you are tired & I don’t blame you but stop looking at what you did or bought for him, do all with love. Pray and ask your husband to join you in the prayers. Stay away from his family house for now. Life is a mystery, no one knows tomorrow but we can try our best now. Talk WITH your husband. Do not talk TO him. Make him open up. But, in all you have the power to make your own decision. Do as your spirit leads you.

      Delete
    5. My dear how do I advise you when I have a brother of 40+ in my house doing nothing, had the first wife, she zoomed off, offcourse that one is bad news as she only comes around when he is doing well, as soon as he goes broke she disappears. Second wife in the house now have turned him to an errand boy. This is a very handsome guy with Ransom Noah's kind of features.

      My poor mum has prayed her eyes out. We the siblings have prayed and done everything possible, yet he won't even raise his hand to do anything. J have his daughter staying with me now while the son is with my mum. Meanwhile, their parents are all alive and not ready to do anything for these kids. Even paracetamol when they are sick he cannot afford.

      Please I need prayers for him.

      Delete
    6. You need to ask him some deep questions. Maybe he needs deliverance from curses or demonic oppression. His parents might be aware of his problems and so they are just happy he is out of their hair. In a church I know, intending couples attend deliverance service just so they can start the marriage on a clean slate. No go carry curses wey dey follow you put for person life.

      Delete
    7. @Zikora I totally agree with you. Poster read upπŸ‘† @zikora's advice

      Delete
    8. Stella I disagree with you.

      A useless man won't go all the way to do bartender job or sell roasted fish.

      Poster, they have used your husband to play Kalo Kalo.

      It's a spiritual fight, seek the face of God now.

      Delete
    9. His father's hands may not be clean. He may have sacrificed his son's economic emancipation for his own selfish gains. Prayers!!!

      Delete
    10. @ zikora you are wise. Please poster I think your husband is depressed. I have a friend that was rich but invested all his money into a deal that went wrong. He became poor and now he's squatting. He says alcohol is all that keeps him sane. I don't think he's lazy cos of the manual jobs he does. He feels like a failure and he feels drained emotionally and psychologically. It will take a lot of understanding and support to lift his spirits. Please don't leave him. Pray for him, talk to him. Please don't look down on him. Don't make him feel inferior. If business is not working, he can find a job. And also, follow Zikora's advice. I will say it again, please stay with him "for better for worse is not a joke" I hope you both can weather this storm and come out stronger and better. God bless you!

      Delete
    11. I agree with Zikors.

      Delete
    12. In addition to Zikora's points, poster, ask God to reveal the root cause of your husband's problem to you. If there's anything wrong in his foundation/life, when it's revealed, I believe the problem is half-solved and then you can take it up from there! Remember, the secret things belong to God but He reveals them to His Prophets-You and me-if we ask earnestly in prayers!
      This too shall pass by God's grace. Cheers!


      BV Teetee.

      Delete
    13. My experience was almost the same. He was even womanizing so a friend took me somewhere at ikorodu nd I was advised to ask my father in law for money. One day I went to his office and on getting there I saw some cash on his table. I asked him for some money but as usual, he refused. I kept pleading and started crying to embarrass him. As he stood up from his chair,I quickly took out some money of the one on the table. This man blatantly refused to give me money. Anyway, I left his office and told him my God will reward him. When I got home that evening, I showered, Fed the family and before going to bed I took out the money from my bag, prayed on it and placed under my pillow. My people what I saw in my dream hmmmm na only God strong pass for this life... my body was dripping of water.hmmmm this life is more than we see it with our bare eyes. What people do for money is unbelievable. How can a father use his kids for money? Esp first sons?? That night , I saw a pool of blood with different hands nd loads of heads and legs floating in the pool of blood. Hmmmmmm. Thank God for prayers,fasting etc. Only LIGHT can destroy darkness. We are better now and things are going so good. Thank you Jesus. His dad's business is crumbling gradually & he is always ill but we keep growing through prayers nd fasting and some other back to sender works becos his dad was just too much.

      Delete
    14. @Zikora God bless you for this comment. Poster do spiritual findings and get ready for fasting and prayers

      Delete
    15. Things happens mehhhhhhhhhhhhhh πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”

      Poster please pray pray, ask him of his childhood experience, talk to your hubby let him open up

      Delete
    16. Zikora, you are right πŸ’―%!

      I can tell you this, poster's father in-law tied up his son's destiny spiritually!

      Poster, time to turn totally to Jesus Christ. Pray with your very breath at midnight or from 3am.
      You need to pray with the appropriate scripture verses for warfare.

      Jesus Christ overcame Satan by speaking the appropriate scripture... "It is Witten..." and pleas the Blood of Jesus Christ that speaks of better promises than the blood of Abel to speak for your husband and family.

      We overcame him/satan by the BLOOD of THE LAMB , and by the WORD of their testimony (mouth or confession).

      By the new and living way through the blood of Jesus Christ, we enter the Throne of God to obtain grace and mercy in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16, Hebrews 10:19-22

      Whatsoever is born of God overcomes the world.
      You are an OVERCOMER!

      Don't give up on your husband and let everything you do for him be with love.

      God already has His favour waiting for you. πŸ’žπŸ€—

      Delete
  2. I think u re right, Stella.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds spiritual, your husband is very depressed that is why he has resorted to drinking. I will advise you to go into deep warfare prayers against foundational spirits. His parents have something they are hiding. You can start with mfm and midnight prayers and fasting.

      Delete
    2. I think so too. Their quietness suggest they have a hand in his problem. Pray God to reveal the truth.

      Delete
    3. So what if your father in law wasn't a rich man?

      Reading this I thought of the many qualified youths roaming the streets armed with no connection both competence. They stick it out and brake through.
      The only thing they owe him is education, full stop. Any other thing na jara. He is the one hat should be sending allowance home monthly.

      Hmmm...my dear, there are only 2 people who owe you unconditional love; God and your parents. Every other love comes with conditions. You need to wake him up! Orphans survive don't they? Wake him up however you need to. Your anger is grossly misplaced. And the tone of this chronicle is far off in the negative.

      Practice GRATITUDE and teach him. Buy "the Secret" by Rohnda Bryne and this will turn around for good when you and him learn to change you attitude to things like this.

      Delete
    4. Hmmmmmm.....
      This sort, is not as easy as we think.
      He might not be lazy, it could be that he is an illegitimate son. Or that the father in particular did not support your marriage. Or that he the family blacksheep but not necessarily lazy.
      Don't judge him by what you don't know. Not everyone is cut for business. Because business in a way is like a relationship - it needs patience, self believe, continuity, intermittent push. And a whole lot of sacrifice.
      Nothing is more depressing for a man - even to must useless of them all. Than not being able to have something tangible doing, no matter how small. To take care of his needs. And not all men have the mental responsiveness to handle failure. Such men easily give up and never see possibility in anything thrown at them. They need a thorough psychological reawakening, selfless love and prayer.
      Also, it might be spiritual - this is Africa where such things are prevalent, where instead of researching for Covid-19 cure or vaccine. People would rather attack you spiritual with the spirit of uselessness.

      First find the root of his problem, then help him in his processes of recovery - if you truly married him because you loved him.
      Like a friend of mine would say, every association has a motive. What was your motive for marrying him in the first place. Godly love?
      At least he was doing something profitable when you met him and agreed to get married. Except only if he had always been this way. If not, what changed? In it lies the answer to your anxiety.

      Delete
    5. Pray together with your husband and don’t blame him, as he is trying. Help will come from God for your family.

      Delete
    6. The man she described up there is not lazy, he is just a victim of circumstances.... his problem is spiritual and his father is a suspect. May God deliver him from the devil' coven

      Delete
  3. If your father in law was able to secure lucrative jobs for others and ignore him then the odd is on him...

    Poster, does it mean your husband can't speak for himself???

    It's high time both of you have a serious one on one discussion about this issue....

    Both of you should come to logical conclusion on what to do and act on it....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Stella is right. The guy may be lazy And has given his family wahala before. He has probably used up all his chances with his family. Stop blaming ur husbands family and prod ur husband to stop drinking and do better or u move on. Pls don’t have another child until u know where everything is headed

      Delete
    2. Poster please this is not the time for the blame game or for anyone to attend your pity party..If him papa no help am, there is a PAPA of all Papas..Get on your knees and pray.Secondly, you need to pep talk him because if he is not doing anything about his situation, invariably he is validating the notion of his father about him...He should not lose hope...Let him go and job hunting..Sometimes tell him that Salary has been slashed or one thing came up and you can't cater for some expenses..When he is seeing that nothing dey house, his brain will reset..All the best

      Delete
    3. I was going to tell you to stay until I got to the part where you said you have told him to get a job pending when business favours him and he refused. The truth is that your hubby doesn't have a degree and he is hiding it from you. His family also knows. This is the reason why he is trying so hard to be a business man , can take off jobs but wouldn't go for a regular white collar job. Leave him.

      Delete
    4. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

      Delete
    5. I was about to say the same thing. He didn't go to school. No certificate, no job. Poster, who's taking care of you? You take care of everyone but yourself. It's time for YOU. God will prosper your good works, have faith

      Delete
  4. How do you people stay married to men like this? Someone that can't provide. I will be such a bitter and frustrated wife if I found myself in this type of union. 3 children on top meanwhile a couple I know say they are taking precautions because the husband said he's not financially buoyant for a team of 5 so they are sticking to two. Anyway the decision is left to you. Thank God my mum left my dad because hunger for kill us all he wanted to do was spend her small money on women and eating out every day forming guy man the woman give herself brian oh at 28 she packed and travelled and came to get us later singlehandly. It's been 15 years now guess where my papa dey? Inside one room doing cleaning job at 68 God forgive me. To think that my mum still loves him and never remarried hurts me badly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doing cleaning job? That's how some people who do not listen to advice or take corrections may end up. Make una pity the man , at least send money to him regularly.

      Delete
    2. Women are not bold enough to do what's best for them, na the problem be that!

      Delete
    3. When did marriage become stay when the man has money?
      Hasn't that man been trying to provide?
      Can any of you typing these things sell roasted fish?

      Delete
    4. Thank you ooo. The man is not lazy, according to the wife, he had tried doing other things to sustain his family also. May be he wasn't lucky or there is a clause

      Delete
    5. Did you read the chronicle? If you did and you stand by the reply you gave then you are a terrible person.

      Delete
    6. Anonymous, this particular anonymous narrative is entirely different. That's why you can see different comments under it!


      As for the initial chronicle post, how many people have asked the poster to leave her husband? Read through properly please and stop turning everything upside down

      Delete
    7. Your mum did not leave your dad bcos he could not provide...there must have been other reasons.

      Delete
  5. No Stella I disagree with you on this one.
    She didn’t marry a useless man he only go hit by life and has not been lucky to come out of it. From the write up she stated that he makes effort so I don’t think he’s useless.
    There’s a possibility that some spiritual forces are behind his predicament and the parents are somehow aware of it.

    I’d advice her that regardless of what she feels for the man she should take a break say three months and see if his family wouldn’t come through for him but should be careful not to burn bridges while doing it because I think she still loves her husband.

    If after you leave and they still do not help him then it becomes glaring that there’s more to it than you already know and it would give you insight on what your next move should be.

    Stay strong cos God is not deadπŸ’―πŸ’―

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You spoke my mind agadi, the man makes an effort, luck has just not smiled on him.

      Poster why don't you go visit your in laws, sit down and talk with them, explain your predicament, ask your father in law for help, tell him it hasn't been easy for you guys. May be they just assume all is well since you are covering his shame, Just ask first Ok, when they do nothing to help then you think of other solution. Please take it easy with your hubby, dude has hit rock bottom. Please pray, their is nothing God cannot do.

      Melancholy

      Delete
    2. I agree 100%! Finally, something we both agree on. 😊

      Delete
    3. Exactly, make she go there and seek the truth.. That's the first step to seeking solution to this problem! Because with the way this woman is laying emphasis on hustling, she is tired and she needs a helping hand.

      Delete
    4. I feel your pain,you should try to change location if you can..i was in on for 4years,I and my husband did different businesses but crashed.We moved to Lagos and prosper in the same business that failed in on.

      Delete
  6. Poster, have you tried God? After the lockdown, he should go to Mfm prayer city or Ajangbadi for deliverance. Also, he can go to Ori oke, Ikoyi in Osun state. My sister, this is a spiritual matter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is not physical.
      The earlier you both start fighting spiritually the better and faster for you people. Try God and see.
      Forget his family, he is now your family, if he is ready then start now,and prove to his family that God is the only one who can turn a rejected stone to a corner stone.

      Delete
    2. Why am I laughing, the spiritual names though!!

      Delete
  7. Stop being angry and strategize. You are too angry to think. Why cant you approach your in laws directly and state your mind
    Let them tell you why they cant help. You also try and send his CV around. Also cut the allowance you give him. All this should not be done in anger biko. Calm down every thing will be alright

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Her in-laws owe her nothing! I mean nothing! The only person that should be talking to his parents is HIM. If you jump the natural course of things, my sister, I pity you. Na so see finish and insults dey enter. I advise you to give him an ultimatum, at the expiration of that ultimatum, take a break, even if it's for six months or one year. If there anyone in his family that's sane, tell them you've tried for their son and have developed BP and apkaobi, you're only a woman who's going to rediscover her sanity. Good luck to you and pray more.

      N.B: I didn't like your tone when you called your mother-in-law 'stupid'. The stupid one is your husband as I'm sure they didn't smother him as a baby and sent him to school. Any other thing a parent does after giving a child a degree is only 'Jara'. Ask how alot of orphans are successful

      Delete
    2. i have brother like this but worse ..he and wife blame his lack of motivation on everybody ...Saying your father inlaw should look for work for a grown man who seems to be over 40 ( tho you didnt say) ..who has been giving him capital for his previous failed businesses ?? perhaps this same father in law and they are tired because being retiree he may not have much left ..and instead of enjoying his son gifts at an old age is still having to meet needs this is sad ...i think you should talk to him gently talk for last time and decide prayerfully what you can do next .also talk to one of his siblings to know what is going on within and dont be hostile towards your in laws .... this is so painful i know women suffering like this

      Delete
  8. Please do not leave your husband.
    That man is frustrated and gradually slipping into depression.
    I really don't understand why his family is not helping him. Since business is not working, his dad should get him a job. Not everyone is business savvy.
    Also, pray hard, I believe things will turn out better for you both.
    Continue to encourage him. I know it's all on you, but please exercise some patience. Keep doing what you can. As for his drinking habit, I don't know how he can stop that.
    May God come through for you guys.

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said Slutty.
      Everyone is just bashing the dude and chanting "leave, leave"?
      To where?
      So marriage has been reduced to stay when the man has money? SMH

      Delete
    2. Everyone where? Do you need glasses?

      Delete
    3. Anon, I doubt you read comments. Who are the everyone saying 'leave'?

      Delete
    4. That's marriage for you. When one is down, the other takes over.
      I don't get why they are bashing the dude though.
      She should hang in there. I believe he appreciates her and her effort and when things get better, he would definitely surprise her.
      Like someone said down there, maybe he went against his parents and married the chronicle poster. If that is part of the reason they have abandoned their son, they didn't do well.
      Children misbehave, we have all disappointed our parents at some point, but still they didn't turn away from us.
      All these years is more than enough to let go whatever he may have done. He has kids now. They need to help that man get back on his feet.

      Sluttychic.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous habahhhhhhh nahhhhhh readddddd I cannot find where anyone advise the lady to leave, people are advising her to go spiritual I.e put it in prayers.
      You people just got disappointed probably you were expecting us to advise her to leave her husband, someone up there even said marriage is for better for worstπŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

      Delete
  9. Poster I can't say for sure but something is really wrong and the drinking is adding salt to injury. There may be spiritual issues involved and your husband may need deliverance. If you hear some people's testimonies you would be surprised. May God see you through.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your comment is hundred percent. Poster pray until something happens. E reach. No be Rant rajt

      Delete
  10. You saw all these at one point in time. You thought you married a son of an ambassador but they abandoned him to you.
    Keep carrying the responsibility o, it's your cross and don't you ever put any blame on his parents, they didn't forces you to marry their son.
    If you tire, leave am, nobody helped you find the guy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don why are you like this.. Please I have to laugh small o, I'm sorry πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  11. He has done manual labor, bartender and sold roasted fish so NO, i don't think your husband is lazy or a loafer. These are really jobs without shame and any man that has tried them is not lazy in my eyes.

    He's what i call a failure and has resigned himself to his fate..sad but that's the truth. Now, i don't know if it's spiritual, psychological or even his village people but i know that you are a blessing to this man cos truly, he has no one else.

    Don't be so hard on yourself even when you think you are doing too much for him. You are a good woman and God will reward you through those children. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ’― likes😘😘😘

      Delete
    2. Amen. I feel so sad for her. Thank God she is able to take care of their family. Such a good woman.πŸ€—

      Delete
    3. @Perxian
      My respect. ✔✔✔

      Delete
    4. Amen. Poster thank God for providing you with a means to take care of your family. Don't leave that man cos you are all he has and stop counting whatever you buy for him, assume that you are doing it for yourself cos the bible says two has become one. Just go on your knees and continue praying for him with fasting, God will surely answer and bless you guys.

      Delete
  12. Lmao Stella you are MEAN,fact is she has been aiding and abetting her husband...
    As a relationship expert cum motivational speaker In the making,no lady should settle for a lazy and visionless man,you won't go far in life if you do,he will keep dragging you backward,a hardworking,goal oriented man is a handsome man,poster you have made your bed,you gotta learn how to lay on it comfortably,to the singles,look very well before you leap else you become a beast of burden in cases like this*peace!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the man is not "lazy and visionless". This the case is spiritual which is frustrating.

      Poster, kindly embark on fasting and prayer with your husband, do not relent, there is light at the end of the tunnel...

      Congratulations in advance.

      Delete
    2. I’ve never encountered so many “commas” in my life.

      Delete
    3. If you see him as lazy and visionless after reading he has tried out his hands on different business ventures, which failed; engaged himself in different odd jobs to feed his family, i feel you will make a bad relationship expert and motivational speaker.

      Delete
    4. Madam 'relationship' com motivational mini kan, biko in the name of God choose another calling before you destroy people's destiny.

      Regards,

      Thank you!

      Delete
  13. Your husband probably has a spiritual problem. Is he the first son? Have you heard of the curse of the first born? Some first born are favored while others are not so favoured, they work hard with nothing to show for it. The adage work like an elephant and eat like an ant best suit them.

    Even if he's not the first born what your husband needs is serious deliverance and prayers. Pray for him and let him pray for himself. Sincerely I don't think it's laziness, if indeed he is lazy he wouldn't have gone into any business in the first place but he does go into business just that it doesn't work out. The only solution I see here is prayers.
    I pray you come back with testimonies and this will be a thing of the past. May God strengthen you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1 million likes������.
      I think there's something spiritual going on here. Seek spiritual answers...

      Delete
  14. Haaa this chronicle is weighty oh. Poster I'm sorry you carry the burden of your family on your shoulders.

    I don't know what advice to give but I wish you well. Just like you,I will be in the comment section to learn.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I found contradictions;
    'you wondered that his well connected parents aren't getting him a job...you said he isn't looking for a job but does businesses that had crashed..."
    So which is it?
    He lost his job for goodness sake, how is that his fault.
    He has hustled to the point of "selling roasted fish" and hasn't succeeded, how does that make him useless?
    Is it easy for the son of "an ambassador" (a graduate of course) to
    do such menial jobs?
    What I see here is a man of profound humility. The only problem is that once someone hasn't "made money" in Nigeria, he is considered useless.
    Everyone is not cut out to do business.
    If in a home, the wife is the breadwinner, isn't that still a blessing to the entire home?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think the man is useless too. People should be very careful before tagging a human being as useless, especially when you have not been in the person's shoes. I pray for divine intervention and for his fortunes to turn around because poster you never said he was a bad man, just that he has been unfortunate.

      Delete
  16. Poster there most be a reason why his Parents don't want to help him.
    Is either he squandered the money they gave him or they told him not to marry you but he went ahead and did.
    There must be a serious reason. Find out the reason and take it up from there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly what I thought @ going on to marry her without their consent.

      Delete
  17. Lady, let me ask you a sincere question and please answer me sincerely;
    If your brother lost his job and his wife has one and is taking care of the family, will you
    speak of him in the same vein you spoke about your husband?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pray, pray and pray!
    Something has gone wrong, can't sleep without beer ke, pls don't leave this man like this,he needs help. Sorry sis all will be well πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
  19. There must be a deep reason why they are not helping him... There's must be something! Find out


    Shey na you dey give am money for alcohol every evening? And he can't feed the family for a week straight o

    Woman you no go tey comot Grey hair o, take care of yourself along the line with this hard hustle o

    ReplyDelete
  20. Poster your own case is even more understandable than mine. At least he doesn't have a steady job while in my case he has a very well-paying job, yet once he's paid, within 3 days he'd start claiming to be broke!!! I have 4 kids and I'm paying school fees, buying books and uniforms, feeding the house, and doing almost everything else. The few he does are the ones I refused to continue doing and even at that he still lags behind eg. we're owing so much in electricity bill that our light is cut off every other month after which he finds someone to illegally reconnect it.
    I didn't force myself on him, on the contrary, he "chased" me until I unconsciously fell for him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Write a formal letter addressed to his office the next time you have to pay school fees. Attach a scan of the fees for each child and let the letter show that you've been paying the earlier fees despite the fact that he is being paid decently enough (scans, receipts, etc). Send him the email first and make it clear that if you don't get the money in 3 days, you'll be forwarding the mail to his boss and the personnel department,and that you'll copy him as well. If he does not send the money, send the email to everyone in his office no matter how he begs asking for the office to pay his kid's fees from his earnings the same way they deduct his tax. Leave the school's payment details in the email. State that you'd be getting the law involved for the sake of your children. Make all the noise and embarrass him till he has sense. This man is building the house he will move into while abandoning you to nanny his children. Keep receipts and post them.

      Delete
    2. Anon 20.57 Savage! πŸ‘

      Delete
  21. Ma'am ,I'm with Stella on this. The parents are obviously tired of spoonfeeding him hence the refusal to act. You married into the family and you may not know the whole story about him right from his teenage years. I will advise that you stop providing him with money as he obviously makes no effort at all. Take care of yourself and the kids let the man take care of himself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How is helping someone get a job spoon feeding him -even a recommendation?

      Delete
  22. I feel so sorry reading this! Poster there's more to it,try a Bible believing church and take him for deliverance! How many business and still no head way? Stop taking your frustrations on your in-laws pls and go for prayers to know the root cause! Life is more spiritual than physical,an evil transaction might have happened to warrant all these painful events in his life! I pray God come through for him as you both seek His faceπŸ™πŸ™

    All the best

    ReplyDelete
  23. You are asking if it is normal to buy shoes, toothbrushes, boxers for your husband, the father of your kids; someone you say you love?
    Are you kidding me?
    Look, you are the abnormal one here;
    The impatient one.
    If this man were your brother and his wife did all these, will you ask if it is normal?
    πŸ””πŸ””πŸ””πŸ””

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lovely questions.
      I am glad that there are people who reason well here.

      Delete
  24. There is something the parents are not saying here. Why they abandoned him. Could it be his dirty habit?
    Poster move on pls

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ooh dear poster, I can't feel the anger in you while reading this post.

    Dearie have you tried talking to God about the situation of your husband. Some things ain't normal honestly, since you stated that he tried some many businesses to no avail.
    Your in-laws owe him nothing cause there are some orphans that still made it in life, try talk to him. You both should sit down and have a heart to heart talk.

    ReplyDelete
  26. As much as I hate to admit this doesn’t seem ordinary. Please guys before you get married check/pray to see if your destines are compatible I know why I’m saying this.

    ReplyDelete
  27. It's either he is a very lazy man,or there is a spiritual problem.
    Which ever the case you can't handle it on your own.
    Are your parents aware of what's going on?
    Stop giving him money to drink.

    I don't even know what to say sef
    Take the kids and leave maybe he will wake up and do something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How is a man who has roasted fish, done bartending a lazy man?

      Delete
  28. You probably married this man to dig ambassadorial gold and you are pained that there isn't even charcoal to dig?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is nothing wrong in digging ambassadorial gold. We all want to marry from a sohisticated/influential/rich family.
      The poster has tried and it takes only a good and strong woman to stand by her man in trying times.
      You nor like better thing 15:40? Be sincere 😁

      Sluttychic.

      Delete
  29. Men wey 99% of us in Naija dey suffer to feed and cater for una with all your baggages don't complain. But carry small responsibility now, mbano! Lifeless breed looking for oyinbos gender equality. I laff at y'all stupidity in Swahili.

    ReplyDelete
  30. The man is NOT useless! He's tried menial labour and businesses but didnt succeed. Poster you are angry but your words may be making him even worse. The man is down already, no need to kick him. Things could change for the better at any time. You've blamed and insulted his entire family (father, mother and siblings). Thats wrong. The man has left them and he's cleaving with you. Face your family and deal with this situation prayerfully. Both of you should dedicate your lives to Christ then study the bible and pray together. Things will get better for you both.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Nigerians attributing their weaknesses,shortcomings,incompetency to spirituality,why!!why??!so someone that is lazy with no foresight is under spiritual influence,smh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Amazon
      A lazy man selling roasted fish, bar tending, doing menial jobs?
      Are you kidding me?

      Delete
    2. You completely blanked the second paragraph or didn't read at all because i don't want to believe an aspiring relationship expert would let that fly over her head.

      Delete
    3. A lazy man doesn't sell roasted fish or do menial jobs.

      Delete
  32. This world is deep o poster. I suggest you and your hubby start aggressive prayers and deliverance. You can get a copy of this book ' How to obtain Personal Deliverance' and use it with fasting. The problem could even be from your end...forces trying to frustrate you out of the marriage. I have seen/heard/ experienced a lot to know that most people termed failures just have unseen forces battling them which they aren't strong enough to overcome but with God nothing shall be impossible.Pls don't be angry with your in-laws, it's all part of the manipulation.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Sometimes in life, you have to be the bridge for someone. You have to stand in the gap and that is what you’re doing. Stop expecting his parents to help. They owe you both nothing. Work with your husband and strategize on the next steps. Maybe he needs to look for a paid job, or do a business with you. He has to be willing to work/walk this storm with you as a team because he is not a lazy man from what you wrote. If he is not willing to work with you ( set a time limit), then separate from him for starters and see how he reacts. If that does not set his brain in the right direction...... then please walk and walk away fast. Everything isn’t spiritual and if it is spiritual God has given us the gifts and power to fight. All the best OP.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is my stance but she has stated his refusal to!
      It’s not about the parents, it’s solely him!!

      Delete
    2. i like this comment

      Delete
    3. One million likes for anon 15.57’s comment.

      Delete
  34. What if you are the cause, maybe his parents warned him not to marry you, so that's why they have decided not to help. I know very well grandparents don't joke with their grandchildren. So my dear poster check yourself well and you will see you are part of his problems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She is not the problem, wicked Nigerian men like you and picture always look for ways to blame women for their failure.
      She is feeding his sorry ass alone and you still blame her for his problems.....

      Delete
    2. Not all grandparents are stoked about their grandkids...Mine is rotting in hell and deservedly so!

      Delete
  35. I believe very much in prayers and that it answers ALL things.However, did we read where she says he's refused to get a regular job, pending when he grows a successful business?
    Some issues may be spiritual but some people are just not business-inclined.Period. He doesnt think to get a regular job bcos she is picking up the bills.I think she should make it clear to him she cant pick up his bills anymore. He needs to sit up and get out of the comfort zone she's creating for him.He needs to hustle, he needs to reach out to his father himself, reach out to friends
    Who knows,his dad may just be waiting to see a sense of desperation and seriousness in him.
    My 2 cents.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You could be right, but if you are, have you considered that psychologically he is in a very low place right now....... Which means it may take much more than motivational speeches and forceful admonitions to hustle for him to change? A man who has been shot down too many times in life and wasn't so strong to begin with, may just have given up. His ego and self esteem has been stripped, he doesn't believe in himself anymore. It appears depression has set in. In addition to spiritual solutions, seeing a therapist may also help unravel his mindset, so that he can experience a change.

      Delete
  36. This Stella advice ehn...Poster i feel sorry about your predicament...Take everything to God in prayer...For those saying they dont understand why she is still married to this man...I hope your own marriage is so perfect since money is all you care about.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Why blaming the parents,who asked you to marry him,did the parent forced you or is love wantintin that put you in this mess?that is why some of you envy Regina,and every opportunity to talk about her it is she married her ancestors,pls what of this one who married her age mate and still spoon feeding him?until you people separate live from lust, Nigeria will always have lazy youth and husband,poster pls endure ok but keep his parents out of your mouth because if his parents are not alive will you go to grave to bring them to provide for him,you asked him to look for 9 to 3 pm job he refused,let me tell you not everybody on Earth can do business pls ,if business doesn't favour you pls look for other work

    ReplyDelete
  38. Madam listen to Prestige's advice. It is very easy for me to advise you to leave but is that the right advice. Your husband is in pain and that is why he is finding solace in alcohol.

    You said it yourself, you have walked in on him weeping his eyes out, that's a man who is not happy he has been unable to meet up to his responsibilities as your husband. You said in your writeup that he has tried to do menial jobs with no success and has also tried various businesses that failed.

    This says to me that he wants to try, but he never succeeds. as the first comment on this post too, I think you should try praying and be patient and encourage him.

    I thank God you even have a means as the woman to provide it's not everything as women we up and leave. where is the for better for worse, this is the worst?

    Imagine if men were to walk out on women for not making any income in their homes, I know you will say the Bible says a man who can not provide is worse than an infidel but madam please be patient with this man some more

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you.
      And for those calling the man lazy, how can a lazy man sell roasted fish or do bartending job?

      I pray God comes through for your family soon because this kind of situation can really be frustrating.

      Delete
  39. A lazy man wouldn’t even attempt to work at all!

    ReplyDelete
  40. He's your husband,please don't abandon him for this reason alone.Show him tough love and back it up with prayers.No marriage is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Leave d man mbok of what use is d marriage to U.... May such men never locate me in jesus name Amen

    ReplyDelete
  42. Hmm, a man that can put shame aside and sell roasted fish is not lazy, I think the problem is more spiritual, I really pity you madam, but thank God yph have something doing, keep praying for him he's not lazy, he needs prayers and direction

    ReplyDelete
  43. For the people quick to blame his family for not helping, best believe it that he’s lackadaisical because she’s taking care of things. Some stated he made some efforts but he has vehemently refused to start with a regular job to take care of his family.
    I am an only female child with 4 brothers and I was put through fire while they were made to believe they were kings and the world is theirs, guess what....they’re pushing 40 with no job (I don't want to elaborate the countless opportunities that were flaked whilst citing flimsy excuses), the only time they contact me is to ask for money(which I have put an utter block to).
    I was assisting financially in the guise of helping family out until they established themselves, but it became crystal that my assistance hindered enthusiasm....I even overheard one saying he’d just ask me and he wasn’t stressing about it.
    She needs to stop!
    He’d never change!!!
    What sort of male is comfy with not providing for his family nor himself(even down to toothbrush)!!!
    His type would always latch unto a female provider shamelessly!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. chai ..4 brothers ..this matter na wa

      Delete
  44. Remember your marriage vows to stick to each other through thick and thin? How would you feel if it were the other way round ? What you need to do is get seriously closer to God. Give your life to Him if you have not , hand over your husband to him and also try and convince your hubby to do the same. As a wife you can stand in gap for him before God. With prayer, fasting and patience all will work out well by God's grace. If God can turn the bitter water of a city to sweet one, He is able to change your husband's situation. Show him love and understanding and be firm where you have to especially in the area of alcohol as it can lead to something else. I know it is not easy on you at all. May the Lord strengthen and uphold you. Always remember your help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth and not any man.

    ReplyDelete
  45. @poster, I stand with Stella on this. I'm so pissed at all the blames you heaped on your inlaws, but I'm relieved that at least you know that your hubby has feigned lazy for a long time. Do you want his parents and sister to also baby-sit him like you're already doing? In the real sense of it, your hubby should be taking care of his parents not vice versa (his parents owe him/you guys NOTHING).

    You seem to be jealous of your MIL and SIL but you did not mention anything about your siblings. So why not you task your father and siblings to take care of you. Don't be there working your ass out while your hubby is enjoying his laziness and feigning sorrow and pain. Imagine, the fact that he cannot successfully do any business, yet does not want to try another thing like regular office work or handiwork.

    Please, quit the entitlement mentality and blame game and face your home. Since you want to know if he is cursed, then I suggest run to your/his Creator, He will tell you all you want to hear as well as the solution to all your home issues. Seek answers where they can be found, I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  46. The reasons he is not being helped might be deeper than what your surface scratching might find. You might need to find answers to the following questions:
    1. Who is his biological father?
    2. Why has his mother adopted a 'siddon look' approach?
    3. Is there something his father is holding over his mother?
    4. Has there been an abominable act on the part of your husband in time past?

    ReplyDelete
  47. Your anger is indeed misplaced

    ReplyDelete
  48. Dont listen to stellas advice...be a little bit more patient,understanding and prayerful(especially with him)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Marriage is for better and for worse..
    History will remember u as a woman who left her husband because of challenges of life...
    Support your husband with love pls

    ReplyDelete
  50. Madam life is spiritual.go spiritual , pray ,fast and see God take you out of ypthe situation

    ReplyDelete
  51. This story up there scares me shirtless about marriage.

    Financial and marital misfortunes are quite huge ones and I'm here wondering if as a woman; I'd be able to sustain my home if the tides come calling.

    Say one looses the spouse or even a job as the case above.
    Only a few women can do this without feeling slighted or even losing it.

    From your submissions above; this man has made several attempts to leave the miry clay but all to no avail.

    I wouldn't want to bother about your grandparents as everyone seems to believe they owe you nothing.
    However, I must commend you for being strong enough to come this far.

    Please, see how else you can help this man because he is losing it.

    Hold on for a a little while longer and keep encouraging him. It should be tough love or something but please, hang on.

    I pray God restores your finances and the joy in your home.

    You will be in my prayers.

    E-hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  52. If your father-in-law can't help his son, can't he help you to secure a job. Then can't his siblings support you financially to invest in business

    ReplyDelete
  53. Stella has said it.
    Your husband likely has burnt his bridges and his father is no longer willing to set himself on fire to keep this adult warm.
    Your husband sounds like the children on MANY wealthy men in this country, lazy layabout, no talent, no handwork.

    I suggest you give your husband an ultimatum about getting sober and focusing on one project for 2 years and see if his life won't be better

    ReplyDelete
  54. Woman find out the “SECRET “of the family you are married to. I am telling you this out of experiences. They may have hidden truth. And once you know the secret it shall set you free. Ask questions

    ReplyDelete
  55. Who ask questions no dey miss road ooo.poster wetin dey eat yam dey inside the yam and whatever you do always seek the face of God

    ReplyDelete
  56. I think this is more of a spiritual battle.I hope his father is not into something fishy. Poster go on your knees with fasting and prayer.

    ReplyDelete
  57. @poster I feel this is spiritual o. Deep deep,find fasting,prayers

    ReplyDelete
  58. A man who has sold roasted fish and bartended is not lazy. Some persons will not sell it because of shame. Poster plz pray your way. I so much believe In prayer bcoz God is still in the business of opening locked doors. Will be praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  59. This is so sad! Poster, your husband isn't lazy so please stick with him and find a solution to his predicament! This is the time he needs you the most so don't fail him dear.

    Engage in warfare prayers and fasting. I believe you'll come out victorious!

    Cheers! πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
  60. Pray for him! Pray for him! Keep praying for him!!! It's not an easy situation for him,you don't need to look and wait for his family. Even as a lady, for this 3 months that I didn't earn anything, it is frustrating let alone a man, father and husband.
    I pray for your family that God will come through for you and restore all that is lost in Jesus name. Amen

    ReplyDelete
  61. Poster don’t leave your husband, from what you wrote he has tried menial jobs. Also don’t blame his parents. Take your problem to God, nothing is impossible with him. My ex at 40 was still saying if his father was alive he wouldn’t be suffering meanwhile when his father was alive, they quarreled frequently because my ex refused to work.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I think your Husband is Frustrated and getting Depressed. Can you both have a Chain Prayer for seven days including Fasting... I think there is more to this than meets the eyes...

    ReplyDelete

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