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Saturday, June 06, 2020

Saturday In House Gists - The Wedding List And Its Consequences...

Some wedding list causes so much damage that after the wedding the couple cannot recover financially on time...Infact,some never recover!






Some wedding lists are so expensive that after the wedding,the Marriage breaks up because of the financial burden...especially if money was borrowed to meet up..

What was your wedding list like?Or what wedding list are you planning?Did anyone reading this get divorced after marrying because of the list?

Someone says

''My Marriage lasted only one year because my ex husband borrowed money to pay the heavy list he was given...he showed off as rich so the list was big and he met and even made the wedding bigger but everything was borrowed..After the wedding the monies needed to be paid back and all i kept hearing was that he did it for me...I couldnt even drink water and drop the glass..
At the end of the day,we had to part because of the pressure on him that he transferred to me......It was a messed up situation''



Let us discuss the wedding list and the consequences thereafter....

158 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Everything on my wedding list was 350k. My husband transferred the money to my elder brother who went with our family representative to get everything listed on the list. When my kinsmen saw that we bought everything listed there,they brought another list to rob my husband off. The new list was around 90k. My dad and my siblings fought them off immediately. We told them we're not adding extra kobo apart from the initial agreement. My husband being a gentle man wanted to pay them the money but my family and I refused vehemently. In fact I collected the list and shredded it to pieces.
      I'm of the opinion that that list of a thing coupled with high bride price should be abolished. The painful part is that the brides family won't get something tangible from that list. All the goodies goes to uncles, aunties and other village people that were not there when the brides family was suffering to send her to school. Oshi rada rada niyen now.

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    2. No mind then, they will bring our their ugly heads to poke nose esp if the lady is a graduate as if na dem send her to school.. Yeye kinsmen

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    3. As in....very annoying. The bride's family won't get any reasonable thing. Uncles and aunties who were never there for you will now raise the heads to pack it all. Who made this kind of useless laws sef? It should be trashed!

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    4. @Black diamond, with your last sentence I want to ask if the wedding you were talking about was a Yoruba wedding. I didn’t know there was also ‘list’ in Yoruba weddings.

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    5. During my wedding the 1st list the elders sent from the village to my mum was just outrageous. My father is late,so his elder brother and my brother stood for him. My dad's elder brother has lived in the UK for 35yrs at at then,so when he saw it,grammar entered. Guy man just started cancelling and reducing stuff. If an item is to be 10, my uncle would put 2. My village people were just tired. At the end of the day,for all the items on the list at 2006,we spent 30k plus bride price.

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    6. Mydtic i was thinking the exact same thing too. I dont think yoruba prople do lists and bride price isnt really a thing in yorubaland?

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    7. Everything on my wedding list was about 250k which my husband sent to my dad. My dad bought everything himself and presented to the kins men. I think they wanted to ask for more. My dad fought them off. My dad asked me how much he should say for bride price. I told him 20k. We settled at 50k. My hubby sent to my dad.

      We did the whole ceremonies in one day in my hometown. Church in the morning, trad in the afternoon. After that, my hubby and I left to the hotel.

      It was a big ceremony and both sides contributed. I bought my gown and everything needed for myself and friends. My mom and dad provided for all they and their children wore. My dad provided for his family members.

      My dad paid for liveband, cooling van, security, etc etc etc. Hubby and I provided for varieties of food, drinks, photographer, videographer, transportation and accomodation of some friends who couldn't afford it, decor, outfits, etc etc.

      All hands were on deck. Family members contributed what they could too. Gifts came from left, right and centre. It was really nice. But in retrospect, we could have saved more by doing a small city ceremony or a destination wedding.

      No debts, no borrowing. We got sprayed over 200k (of which we believe some of it was stolen), so we used it to go on honeymoon in Calabar. we had to rush back to work after 2 weeks because money and savings were finishing. I am from Anambra.

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    8. Please oo Anon 17:04 where in Anambra do they collect 50k for only bride price?

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    9. NFD , I was angry reading the first part of your story but so happy at your bro and dad fighting them off, I don't know why they are so greedy, you no sow yet you want chop with all your mouth. Heard to many stories like this.

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    10. Yoruba people have list for engagement but not as ridiculous as the igbos

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    11. What do you people even take Yoruba traditional wedding for. Offcourse there is a list and there is also dowry; we dont call it bride price plus it is cheap. Mine like many was even returned back. Many return dat they arent selling their daughters,just take care of her. Cant even remember exact quantities. But there was yam,40 i believe, there was is also clothes in boxes(eru iyawo), theres drinks,biscuit,sweets,fruits in fruit baskets,bible etc. Its never stuff that is so expensive like that. But we do have list. Nna dey believe say yoruba just dash out dere daughters with no effort from the man.

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    12. All of you saying that those uncles and aunts that collects the items on the list didn’t contribute to training you yet they want to eat hope you know that your parents also go to eat that of other people’s children that they also contributed nothing to training?
      My dears it’s called TRADITIONAL RITES for a reason so relax and follow it to the later because when e reach your turn you’d do same. I bet that nobody comes there to collect these things out of hunger, it only adds glamour to the whole marriage thing and leaves the couple with stories to tell.

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    13. Ha anon 17.04 your bride price was expensive mine in 2015 was 50 naira or thereabouts

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    14. To me, the list should be reviewed and reduced.

      Some ladies are to be blamed on the husband's side of borrowing.
      Sit down with him, let him tell you his budget, as a good girl, tell him to reduce it, then meet with your parents tell them that your husband is a hustling guy and that they should bear with him and accept what he will bring. He should get the vital stuff and present.
      You guys will still have to plan again o.

      Any guy that borrow money to wed is the biggest FOOL ever.

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  2. The only big thing in the marriage list from my place is the one hundred tubers of yam.

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    1. Mine was 80 tubers of yam o.. That our list dikwa egwu my sister

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    2. My grandmother come from a place where the bride price is fire. I heard my grandpa paid in instalments. The last ritual was concluded by my uncle when he made money he went and settled his father's debt more than 5x over and everyone was happy.

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    3. Every Yoruba people list I've seen is 42 pieces of yam

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    4. Yes for Yoruba people it's 42/45 tubers of yam I think. Mine was 42

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  3. These days things should be done in moderation.The economy is not friendly now.

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    1. Those elders don't care o.. That is their season to wipe away poverty from their homes.

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    2. My own list, I reduced it mehn.

      42 tubers of Yam to 21
      42 pieces of fish to 21
      Box of cloth filled with my old clothes and I locked and kept the key etc

      I told them what do you want him to feed me with If you heap all your troubles on him?

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    3. Too much likes for your comment sister.

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    4. @ Babe, you be correct babe...

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  4. Will be reading comments from our married BVs! My family wedding list isn't much,just the basics items that's all

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  5. I think it depends on the lady's family. Some not well to do families see it as a poverty alleviation scheme. My late dad never directly collected bride price for any of my elder sisters. He collects it so it would be on record that he did but then gives it back to the man to add to his new wife's upkeep. As for the list of items, he tells the man to get what he can and leave the rest to him.
    I hope my elder brother does the same for me. (I know he would Sha)

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    1. You dad tells the man to do what he can and leave the rest to him?
      So your dad literally married his girls be that nah. I’m not saying he shouldn’t help but it mustn’t be in the part of doing what’s in the list cos na from there see finish Dey enter cos a STUPID son in-law would only take it to mean that you dad couldn’t wait to get rid of you girls.

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  6. That story is a sad one that could have been avoided. Some list are too outrageous abeg. It is not a poverty alleviation programme. Families should consider the welfare of their children.

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  7. Am from Asaba in delta state and the traditional marriage list is so much that I sometimes think why is like that.....

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  8. Over to the married people ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ

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  9. I don't know how you could opened your eyes and let your husband borrow money to marry you,
    Yes, he did it for you and your greedy family members, if you loved him, you would have intervened for him and talked to your greedy family members.

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    1. That's just it. A lady that truly loves her man will not even mind crying to her uncles and kinsmen to slash the list. Kilode! People that weren't involved in her life will come out cos she's getting married to reap where they never planted nada! Some cultures sef...

      Some ladies will even say isn't he the man? If he's man enough, let him carry the load. Na you go drink garri after the ceremony na.

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    2. Hmmmm....Don don't be too quick to blame the girl oo....some guys will borrow money without letting their so called wife to be in the know and as for greedy family members, have u met a guy marrying into a family where the Bride's father is no more? Don that's when you see original greedy kinsmen cos no one to defend a marriage list as the bride's father. Just don't be too quick to conclude.

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    3. The man wanted to borrow and suffer later.How was it her fault?You think these elders listen to 'i dont have money'If a man aint ready to marry,he should go make money first since his pocket wont carry the money involved.

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    4. Some people accept the list without haggling just to show off...

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    5. Princess, she has to share from the blame, she knew the guy wasn't rich but was acting rich.
      Why not call him and tell him the truth nstesd of looking on ?
      She was part of the problem. I stopped because he told me, there must be a big wedding with asoebi.
      I will rather invest my money than spending it on something hard not gonna give me any return.

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    6. So it will get to your turn and they’d decide to do SALES because the list is hard on your husband yet you’d want to be accorded same respect given to those their husbands did all that was demanded of them.

      See eh, You don’t prepare in marriage but you prepare for marriage so if them give you list and you power no carry am go back and come back for it when you are better prepared afterall no be do or die affair.
      In all you do just pray that God blesses your husband so that he’d make you proud when that time comes. You all should stop tryna bend traditions or have you seen where a University brought down their admission requirements because a particular student couldn’t meet up to the demands๐Ÿคท๐Ÿป‍♂️๐Ÿคท๐Ÿป‍♂️

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  10. Some even added iPhone ๐Ÿ“ฑ pro to list

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    1. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ ao who will take it.

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  11. The yoruba wedding list is not too rigid like that. The family of the bride can remove or reduce items as they deem fit. However, it is very wrong for any family to turn the list into a business such that they want to cash out from it. Men should not borrow money for this, do it when you are financially able and ready. The bride should also know that the wedding is only for a day but the marriage goes on after that day and should not encourage the family to give exorbitant list that will affect her marriage.

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    1. Gbam ๐Ÿ‘.. Exactly what I said @angelbola

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    2. Hmm, I never knew there was ‘list’ in Yoruba weddings.

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    3. Yes there's list and it's not outrageous.

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    4. @Mystic,there's a bride price list in Yoruba land and it isn't outrageous. It is very fair.

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    5. What you're probably confused about @mystic is the dowry. For most Yoruba families, The "Owo ori" i.e bride price is very little and it's mostly returned. However, there's a bride price list, you have 42 tubers of yam, eja osan etc. It's isn't an outrageous list and you don't have to even buy everything on the list.

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  12. Hahaha.. Dis picture up there was what made up my traditional list except for the red oil.. Mine was 20litres of red oil, 2 bags of rice, 25litres of veg oil, 2 long okporoko that they sell 12 to 15k for one o, one bag of salt, half basket of onikns, one carton of bar soap, powder, detergent, beverages, bread nko, 80 tubers of yam...
    In summary what was written on my list was too much o.. Umu Ada own list dey o.. Ndi youth list follow o
    Many crates of beer, malt, soft drinks.. Goat follow, 25 litres of palm wine.. Ihe nne nwa list dey seperate, nna nwa list is different too.. Abeg i don forget some.
    When my parents saw this, they were confused cos they didnt know the list would be that much cos I am the first daughter.. My pple pleaded for them to exempt some stuff but ndi elders said that would apply to his own list like nke nne nwa and nna nwa (brides mum and bride's dad).
    I dey come o

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    Replies
    1. Abeg do fast come finish this toro

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    2. Your parents were confused, how? Are they not the one to write and give the list to the groom? Is wedding not a family thing? Abeg clarify.

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    3. Hmmmmmm... That was much. Those village elders are criminal.

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    4. Anne K in some cultures the list is collected from the eldest member of the family, which may not be the brides father.

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    5. Anne, in my place my parents are not involved in anything concerning the list.. The elders provide it.. It is left for my parents to plead and reduce their own personal list but the elders, umu ada, youth list, list, they have no say to it.

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    6. Lady G, how Mr. Marcus take price the list?... Lol

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    7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    8. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ This is funny.

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    9. Anne,the elders bring the list to the girl's family to give the husband to be.

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    10. Hahaha, chike, d story too long eh.. My husband just gave him all the money na d man dey do the negotiation without.. He even pretended to be hubby's uncle.. Dem no know say na hire dem hire the man.
      The story too long abeg.
      Na dem dey ask for Mr Marcus phone number if their sons want to get married

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    11. They want to feed the whole village or what?

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    12. Richie my dear, I dont know o

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    13. Those elders are the problem

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  13. My wedding list was very ok, no excess billing but I and my brothers still talked to our uncle who stood in as my dad (he's late, God rest his soul) to remove some unnecessary things and he did. We didn't borrow to do anything (thank God for His provision) and it was easy to get by very fast since we weren't paying any loan.

    I'm of the opinion that ladies should learn to speak up when the list and bill becomes over bearing, else you both will suffer for it after the ceremony.

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    1. Exactly. Ladies should fight on behalf of their hubbies.

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  14. Not married yet but this heavy list is what I' ll try to intervene when it becomes too much for my hubby. It depends on families

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    1. I didn’t see the list for my trad, my husband’s younger brother went to my village to collect it from an elder and on the d-day, I was too busy and occupied to notice what and what was brought. I saw when the presentation was going on but my mind was not there. Maybe one of the reasons why l didn’t bother was because my husband was more than capable, if he was a struggling man, l think I would have checked to see what could have been removed or reduced.

      If I’m asked now, I don’t even know what and what consist of our wedding list.

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  15. Wedding lists depends on tribe and differes from family to family. Although some can be so outrageous that the groom will just have to flee.

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  16. I just remember what happened in my former area.
    A sister made copies of the wedding list and pasted all over the street. She displayed madness that time because the items on the list were outrageous. Everybody in the neighborhood then had a copy. Cant remember all the items but I remembered Geepee Tank for the mother to sell water and many funny stuffs. And to think the guy was living in a room apartment. The introduction was helele and after that they couldn't go through with the other wedding arrangements.

    I guess because the lady was pregnant with two then so they wanted to milk the guy

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    1. Those are leeches ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

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    2. Geepee tank ๐Ÿ˜

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    3. Geepee tank?
      This is a new one
      Yes maybe they wanted to punish the guy for impregnating their daughter before marriage

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  17. Where I come from, the list is just okay....nothing extra ordinary..

    A family friend of ours paid heavily when he married his wife. The list was outrageous.

    On the traditional marriage day the family were still demanding money from him..at some point, he got angry and said he wasn't going ahead with marriage because they had sapped all the monies he came with that day..his people intervened and the marriage held and everyone was happy.

    After the marriage came the rules and regulations in his house..his inlaws are not allowed to visit his home. The only person that visits is the mother in law,that is during omugwo.

    He usually makes her stay unbearable until she leaves.

    Infact, it was very bad that even his wife doesn't have any say in what goes on in their home.

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    Replies
    1. Jeeezzz... More like I bought her from you ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

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    2. I have heard of similar stories too. They abound everywhere

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    3. @pretty gurlie, honestly, I really don't blame the guy man...@Bini before nko....wholesale sef...!

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    4. He bought her from her family and that's what you get when family exchange heir daughters for material things.
      That lady will never have a say in the house, is that life ? She can't even think of leaving the marriage no matter what happen there.

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    5. Don why are you ranting? Is that not the culture in some places in Nigeria? Where men like you, have reduced women, to nothing but a piece of trash, made and bought to please the man?

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    6. Don stop ranting and spewing your poverty all over the TL. If you want cheap go for cheap and leave the expensive ones for those who can afford them.
      Nawa oh๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♂️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♂️
      When you have a daughter feel free to give her free of charge we won’t question you but can you stop menstrauting all over the TL.

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  18. Let me continue.. When hubby saw the list after paying 5k(no negotiation for this one o) he just smiled because he knew what our list would be like.. I am from Ngor-Okpala in Imo State and hubby is from Mbaise same in Imo state.
    Even when hubby screenshot the list and sent to me, fear gripped me and also my siblings.. I kept asking where would such money come from to pay from all these.. And those our elders for village eh, are very selfish pple.. When it is time to pay bride price they will come out in their numbers to see if ur hubby is able especially if the person is a graduate.. Sorry to say this, many of their daughters get pregnant after finishing secondary school and to avoid shame, their hubby will just buy one bottle of wine and give to their parents without paying bride price.. And na this elders go carry am for head to make sure everything on the list is complete.
    Oya na, the d-day came, already i have told hubby I dont want an elaborate trad wedding because the list alone scared us.
    Mr Marcus like I told u guyz last week came to our rescue.. He comes from my hubby's village. When it was time to negotiate ohh, that man finished work.. Kolanut worth of 5k na 500hundred d man would drop. He was given the money to pay himself..
    To cut long story short, Mr Marcus and my village elders spent hours negotiating every items till the next day.. Frankly speaking my parents and I were happy that hubby didnt spend so much on that list.. All thanks to Mr Marcus.. I forgot to mention that the man insulted one of the elders telling him how much was paid when they married his daughter.. Just one bottle of wine.
    No be small quarrel oo.. But what was meant for my parents, hubby really tried because that one dey important to me abeg..
    IMO state list is too much haba that is why some suitors no dey come close.. Something should be done about it.
    In case u need Mr Marcus number, let me know o.. But be ready to pay him and give him a crate of beer.

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    1. Oh I remember that Mr Marcus so it was your story๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ That man is the real MVP bless him! Bless him!! Bless him!!!

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    2. I need that number ๐Ÿ˜‚

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    3. Lady G thank God for Mr. Marcus came to your rescue. I'm so happy for you. If to say I never marry eeh, would have collected Mr. Marcus number from you....lol....cos what my kinsmen did to my hubby on our trad day is something else...they even changed the list and declared the original one given to him on the day of iyo uno canceled. My dear no be small thing oo....but I thank God for His goodness and faithfulness. That one too don pass. All those my selfish and greedy and wicked uncles, till today I no dey answer call from any of their children!

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    4. Mr Marcus na real Gee ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž

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    5. If Mr Marcus tries that in my village he’d only be making things worse for the grooms family cos I’ve seen a marriage that was rescheduled because the middle man was pricing things outtta proportion and it angered the Umunna.
      They simply told the husband to go and come back when he was ready as it was obvious that their daughter was a piece of item in the market to him for him to have his middle man to haggle that much.

      The supposed bride cried eh and was cussing but they told her to carry her bag and follow them if she felt they were being unfair to her. Dude came the next day and wowed everyone and till date he’s one of our best in-laws oh.

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    6. At the end of the day, I won't like my list to be priced. It doesn't sit well with me and. So I pray I get a reasonable list from the get go.

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  19. Truth be told, there are always long list reasons being that.. Many parents just collect the list from those that have wedded earlier and use again, It's not as if they wrote it themselves.

    Also, it all boils down to the kind of family they are.. When my brother wanted to get married, they gave us a very long list but we let them know we can only select the very important ones and do what we can afford and everything went well and fine!

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  20. My wedding list was just the normal yoruba list plus Nikkah items too but I made sure I got my set of box with clothes and veil to match sha and my parents took care of the reception.

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  21. I re-wrote my wedding list. I made sure I reduced all the unnecessary items from the list, who will enter gbese bcos of a day ceremony. Though hubby was not aware of this but I was able to talk my family into accepting the list I presented to them before giving it to my hubby.

    The list given depends on the tribe and family.

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    1. U re-wrote ur own list ha.. Ur own better o Anne.. It doesnt apply to ndi Imo State especially from my place.

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    2. For real? In Igbo land even your own family cannot rewrite list.. The list is inherited from generation to generation๐Ÿ˜€

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    3. Chummy chocho, I'm Igbo, my dad re wrote the list during my sister's trad. Every family member has the right to intervane...

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    4. @Anne, I wrote my list too. I'm Yoruba. My parents just asked to crosscheck before it wasn't given to my in-laws.

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    5. Jessi you lie biko.
      Except you are a MY MAMA SAY I BE IGBO nobody dares alter the marriage list not even the father of the bride.
      It’s so bad that even the KING can’t. Which one you wan rewrite biko, is it the Umunna list or the Umu Ada abi obu nke Ndi youth?
      Nne that you wrote up there is BS cos it’s unheard off in the Igbo land.
      Traditions are traditions please

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    6. Who's this Agadi ranting and using paracetamol for peeps headache calling em liars.. guy/babe my friends are 85% ..genti!! I have been to over 10trads umuaiha inclusive in umu ano and ubakala ..I was the best man even (white) my friends mother in-law rewrote it, sent back to the elders and they agreed..abeg depends on how exposed and understanding your peeps are...stop doing ITK!!

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  22. I re-wrote my wedding list. I made sure I reduced all the unnecessary items from the list, who will enter gbese bcos of a day ceremony. Though hubby was not aware of this but I was able to talk my family into accepting the list I presented to them before giving it to my hubby.

    The list given depends on the tribe and family.

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  23. The kind of list they gave my brother in-law, he is now contemplating on going back to the ex wife.....he never see something

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    1. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

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    2. ๐Ÿ˜‚
      Oh my days! Repair is cheaper than chassis (wrt the relationship)

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    3. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

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    4. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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  24. I made it clear that I wasn’t an article for sale. I spoke to my dad to meet with the elders and relieve the unnecessary bits in the list/insist on the crucial ones.
    This was done and we went to the registry.
    No debts, we are very happy and hubby loves me a lot!

    Ladies, don’t let any greedy bunch of grey folks ruin your union. Speak up so that only the necessities are met.

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  25. My own village list was very okay. I remember my mother in law asking if I was sure this was all and they won't spring another one on them.

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  26. My hubby and I are from the same town, so nothing outrageous. We had a portable traditional marriage and planned towards a wedding in December (of that year).Along the line, hubby started complaining about finances that he suggested we wed with strictly family and have a mini reception in my father's residence. My parents didn't like that idea as I was the first and I had reduced whatever I felt it would cost to the barest minimum. I rented a gown of 10k,chose a sitoutat a guesthouse as a reception venue, ditched bridal train, we worked with just few cartons of malt etc, in fact in preparation for this, hubby only sent 50k to me. I thank God for my family especially my parents and my uncle and his wife, they sponsored my cake,chairs and tables, decorations. My parents took care of the food and so many other relations offset one thing or the other. On the wedding day, my hubby and his family couldn't stop talking about how portable everything was and we'll organized. Our chairman, said he had never been to a wedding that portable. We never borrowed, we just worked with what we had. I told hubby he should be happy and grateful he married someone like me because an average Nigerian bride would love to go all the way but I considered our pockets and cut off some things.
    Sadly, as I compromise too much for peace sakes, I am not been appreciated.(story for another day) ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ

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    1. I was about to start popping veins by asking you if he appreciates you for everything till I read to end I can’t even be mad at you no more. God got you ❤️ You truly loved that man.

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    2. I was already thinking along this line before I saw your last sentence ๐Ÿ˜.
      From your story, the man basically contributed only 50k, that wasn’t good enough! Appreciating you and your family’s efforts is normal, but it doesn’t translate into valuing you. I believe all men should bear most of the expenses needed to take their wife home! How he handles that singular act tells a lot of the kind of person/leader/manager/friend he will be.
      So sorry it turned out like this, work on being more assertive, you should also be listened to and sacrificed for.

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    3. He ought to treat you like a Queen ❤

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    4. So sorry about that dear...

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    5. You are a considerate person.. Just keep being you, you will be fine ๐Ÿค—

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    6. Thanks my loves for your kind words(i am annon.15.29)your words are so heartwacos right now I am not in a good place but I trust God. ๐Ÿ˜ u all.

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    7. Please since you're in it already if there's no emotional or physical abuse, keep fighting (praying) for your union. By God's grace, it will get better.

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    8. You presented yourself as thirsty and a walk over and he leveraged on that.
      Nna when you come to marry my ONLY SISTER biko if you ain’t well prepared go back and do the needful then return and make her proud she no Kukuma Dey run go anywhere.

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    9. Agadi I have never dissed anybody on this platform over five years but believe me you sound hungry, unexposed and childish... Guess u v seen only the small side of life.. life wi humble u when 10millie is spent on ur sister's wedding and next gbese or financial issue sets in (God forbid) talk to urself and learn to see things from a brighter perspective ..#peace

      Delete
  27. The marriage list from my side is not much, it's not even compulsory to do the Igba-Nkwu. Once you paid the dowry, carry your wife dey go home

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You people are lucky, I got to know during mine that Igba nkwu and bride price are different. We did ours two years apart for some reasons. The bride price was paid first with a little ceremony but my father’s kinsmen said that they have not recognized my husband till he does igba nkwu. Apparently the bride price has its list while igba nkwu has its own list.

      They said that bride price is for the bride’s father while the igba nkwu is for them so as long as you have not fulfilled what is on the igba nkwu list, you are not yet married and as such cannot be recognized by them. So we had to do that. That one became a fanfare because of my husband. Left for me, it would have been something small.

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    2. Igba nkwu is the ceremony done after the payment of the bride price and there are no extra list attached to it except your kinsmen decide to rip you and hubby off.

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  28. One can use those items to start business

    ReplyDelete
  29. My dad re wrote my sister's wedding list to the lowest minimum and those wicked umunna were so unhappy but my dad gave it to them hurt hurt. Hmmmmm

    Those umunna are so wicked.

    What they did to a girl living beside our family house was to terrible to talk about just because the father is late. This happened in 2018.

    They rejected what the man brought just because it wasn't complete. Both the wedding and trad which was supposed to hold the same day scattered, because they made sure they scattered the whole event. Chai!, the girl and the mum cried her eyes out that day.
    Last last the man came back last year December and did everything over again, cooked for them and bla Bla Bla.

    The girl already got one kid if he didn't, they would have taken the kid away from the man in future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is what they do if they girl's father is late. They are so greedy. Reaping where they did not sow

      Delete
  30. Marriage list does not exist in my place. No fix amount for bride price. Before the traditional marriage day, the man will send money to lady mum to buy condiments for soups and stew. The man will bring Rice, yam semovita and meat, rent chairs, canopies, music, drinks and most importantly palm wine.
    In my place the bride's family suffer most self because they would things for their daughter depending on their pockets.

    ReplyDelete
  31. My brother married an owerri lady and the list given was over #400k my dad almost popped a vein but sil father assured my dad that only #120k would be used for everything and that was exactly what happened on the trad day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who would pop veins for that list๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ “pop vein” my favorite line ha!๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

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    2. Her fil is a good man

      Delete
  32. For mine, I removed like 2 or 3 items on the list Sha, 1 live goat and 2 other items I can't remember, because I knew my husband's financial capability at that time, then again they were items my parents had no need off, also my siblings shared the items on the list amongst themselves and left my own portion for me. My dad said he doesn't want anything.

    ReplyDelete
  33. My own list was outrageous. My husband was just prancing up aan down i had to beg my people to reduce the items. They now cancelled more than half and he bought them. Later my mum now said she was not given basket of pepper and bag of salt to share to village women according to the custom. This was after two .months of marriage, my husband id not answer her. I had to give her money to buy he items and share

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your family members ate most of the items and did not give your mum her due diligence?
      Hian!

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    2. Mercy the mother’s rites are done directly to her. Some of you seriously need to be in touch with you traditions oh

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  34. My brother used over 500k to buy all the things on the list. Minus money inside envelope oh. Most places we went to shop wanted to photocopy the list when the saw the outrageous bill. I wrote about this in details one time but Stella dint post. They are Yorubas anyway and we aren't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You countered 17:48’s claim ๐Ÿ‘‡

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    2. There's something else attached to their own Yoruba biko..

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    3. This your own Yoruba inlaws get as e be. Ah greedy people!! For most Yoruba families, the bride price is extremely fair.

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    4. The family is greedy
      Also, your brother may have showed himself like a rich man. He should have negotiated the bill. Yes, it is negotiable

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    5. Mercy don't type rubbish, so if you are comfortable you should look wretched cos of one greedy family. The family refused negotiation. And since we are comfortable we just paid. I wrote extensively about this Stella didn't post.

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    6. You are a liar jare. You are just using these lies to justify Igbo outrageous list. Yoruba list is pretty standard. Abeg go and siddon with your fake gist. Shior

      Delete
  35. I am a Yoruba and in my family, they dont collect anything..you can hust drop whatever you can afford..but no force.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please which part of Yoruba? Cos we Yoruba's collect a full basket of fruits, biscuit ,wine, honey doing introduction and list varies for the main traditional marriage. They must be box of clothes, full set of pots, jewelry, number of eja osan (fish) 3 baskets of fruits, planning, groundnut oil, rice, sweets, wine, beer, malts and pets coke and different envelope for wife's in the bride family, sisters, children, and dowry that the bride father return.All this list depends on how capable the groom his, go online and check tools ,and tiwa traditional marriage . So tell me the state you are from that don't collect anything? SMZ

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    2. I'm Yoruba and there's a bride price list. There was no set of pots, beer in my list though. The list can be tweaked to your taste. You can also mix old and new clothes in the box. No-one will check. I didn't do that during mine but no-one opened the box. My cousin did during her traditional marriage so I know people put old clothes in their box. There was a bag of rice 25 litres of veg oil, 42 tubers of yam, wine, soft drinks,Palm oil, juice,sweets, there were envelopes for owo iya gbo,owo baba gbo, etc (like 2k, 1k etc can't remember) fruits, I didn't include jewelry but my in-laws put some jewelry and wristwatches, I wrote a box with clothes. I didn't specify but my inlaws went all out.My list wasn't outrageous. My inlaws and husband even included some things that weren't included.

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    3. Lies! Yorubas give trad list abeg. The only thing they don't collect is bride price. But you see all them yams, Honey, salt and eja etc. They collect abeg.

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  36. Moderation should be the key word here. I know some kinsmen always want to be stumbling blocks during weddings. But I think the brides's family should come in when neccesary.
    My dad informed his kinsmen beforehand that anything he is not comfortable with on the list will be erased! The list was certified,bride price was paid and immediately hubby and I were joined as husband and wife,no big ceremony at all,just a few members from both families were entertained,took pictures. We did this early in the morning,that same day we went for registry with a couple of friends/family,took pictures and everyone went their seperate ways. The following week (on a week day)we went to our Reverend,took our wedding vows,exchanged rings and kissed. Finish. We did not even print wedding IVs at all. Not because the money was not available,it was a joint decision between hubby n I. I discussed this with my parents,he with his. Our parents weren't quite ok with the whole arrangement,especially his mum, considering that I am the first child of my parents and he the first son of his, but they had no option but to respect our decision. We wanted to avoid uneccesary expenses or debts that could affect our finances. They assisted us with enough cash,we asked if we could use it for something else other than the wedding,they said ofcourse that it was a gift to us.Our plan was to get our own place within two years of marriage. And to the glory of God,we were able to save and build our own house within one and half year.Twelve years down the line,no regrets,we have our wedding albums,rings and a blessed home.
    My dear people that are planning for wedding,please decide which is more important,the ceremony or the marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Thank God for Islam. My list was just basic, my sisterrs checked and told the alfas that it was complete. They only demanded to see the Qur'an and prayer mat.i set my brideprice myself..15k pere!

    ReplyDelete
  38. The first list giving to my husband was about 285k for the items, he sent the money to the dad to buy them,on that day, I was waiting to be called us to come walk around and search for my husband with drink, but my mom came into my room to inform me that that my uncles brought out another list because the saw my husband, so I quickly called my dad and asked him, he said he is not the only one that owns me so he can't stop their demand, I then called my hubby on the phone to inform him, cos he was with his friends that came from Lagos, he quickly went in, and asked my dad, he told him and he dropped 100k for them and sharply the proceeded with the celebration, I was so angry cos what if my hubby didn't come prepared.8years after,our love is still waxing.thank you lord.

    ReplyDelete
  39. This topic came at the right time as I was just discussing the topic with my brother today. My family list is very long just like what GCN lady posted above. However you can choose to pay in cash which I prefer. So today I asked my brother how much cash is paid in lieu of buying all the items, and he said 350k for men's list and 250k for women's list. That's 600k and can be more if you add other things. It's really bothering me as my dad is late and no one to help me haggle it. This kind of amount can discourage someone's suitor. I am dating a promising young man who may not be able to afford all of that. Before it used to 100k for women's list and 200k for men's list but they adjusted the amount last December to accommodate inflation rate. My family is very large, if you do otherwise, you'll be ostracized and no one wants that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God will come through for you and yours just keep trusting him.

      Delete

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