Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Friday, July 24, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmm.....






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED


Post this anywhere its fits please either IN HOUSE OR CHRONICLE, all I need is advice or clue on the decision to take.


I am a single mother of 3 lovelies, not by my choice but the man left, a story for another day.


The major issue I am writing this is I have three of my younger siblings living with me, one them who is the eldest among them I single-handedly sponsored him abroad after disturbing me for so long that he wants to travel abroad and I did, but he was deported 7 years with nothing and since then he has been staying with me.


 I am on a salary of 100K my rent was increased to 300k with effect form this year, I have tried getting a smaller apartment like a room and parlour self contain within the area I am living presently because of proximity to my workplace I cannot go farther and pay more on transportation, but the rent is between 250k-300k per year and I don't have any cash for that relocation despite the apartment will be too small for my 3 children and my 3 siblings.


This made me ask 3 of my siblings for the first time to help with 150k to enable me to pay for the rent, it has expired since June I called and pleaded with my landlady to bear with me and give me time till August end and because this Covid-19 crisis my salary is reduced to 80k and don't forget we feed on it, and transport from it, one of my siblings the one that came from abroad 2017 was able to pay in 50k to the account I gave them, I too have saved something too, but by August end I will not have 300k yet and the other two are not responding, instead they are keeping me malice for asking for help, I do not want to ask them to leave because I love them so much and my mother is very sick if he hears and sends them away she may die that I cannot take care of my siblings even now he is alive.


I am confused on how to handle this issue because I don't want us to be thrown out form the 2 bedrooms flat, I am very stressed now, even feeding is one of them that helps most times. I cannot sleep at night because of financial obligations. I am not into any relationship because I still love my hubby despite he never treasure me, I find it difficult to trust another man.


Please, Stella, BV'S help me solve this riddle, do I send them away to manage with my 3 children and cut down expenses and have my mother's health worsen who is hypertensive and I don't want her health to worsen.


Thanks so much everyone for your honest advice




*How can you be housing adults who cannot pay their bills?Doesn't make sense to me at all!!!...you don't need advice,you need cane!!!

Let them get Jobs and pay for their rent or go to the Village and stay there.

74 comments:

  1. Your mother is not going to die, its not her time yet. Adults over the 18 being pampered like this, they should free you please....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. The only rational thing to do now is for you to ask them to leave after which you can get a smaller apartment for you and your kids. But then, even if they leave, where will the money still come from? Because you mentioned that the smaller apartment also costs 250 - 300k

      Delete
    2. Sit them down and tell them this una style isn't working. Let them understand that all hands must be on deck to stir this ship lest the ship will sink. You need to stop forming superwoman dear. Look out for you so you won't become hypertensive. They are adults and should fend for themselves no matter how little. It is your kids that are your responsibility. By the way, what sort of demon walks away from his kids?....And you are saying you still love him? Ok continue.live life babe. Don't let no modafucka hijack your happiness. *ehugs*πŸ€—

      Delete
    3. Madam, it was on a 2nd thought I decided to comment on your chronicle.

      Listen, 80k is too poor to keep 3 kids + yourself. You need to step up and find a side hustle. Your subbings are staying with you-, fine what again was the reason they came to stay? Start a trade and put them to work! Don't ask me what trade, nne, if it is pure water let them hawk, early morning akara, let them fry, home made moi moi and akamu, anything. If they already have a job and refusing to contribute, kick them out. Family is sweet but all of us must join hands to make it continue to be sweet.

      And madam, abeg why are you not open to dating? You are waiting for a man who already has plans for his life without you and you kids in it? Nne, go and date. There are widowers and divorced men everywhere who might not necessarily need more children. Just stay away from fuck boys. Keep your mind, spirit and body together and dont fall apart b4 your time. Live again.

      Delete
    4. Please poster, I need more thing to consider- Protect your children and ensure that they are not molested, defiled or raped- especially as you're living with grown up siblings.
      May God make ways for you.

      Delete
    5. Those grown folks in ur house shld have bills they are contributing to dat house. Either they will be paying Nepa, Dstv or they pick a bill.

      Delete
    6. Hope it’s not begging this one is doing o. How will they increase rent overnight like that. I fear some people on this blog o

      Delete
    7. And I don't believe there is increment in rent anywhere in Nigeria for old occupants this covid year.

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    8. @Poster, do you want the bvs to contribute the house rent for you since you love your siblings? Or Do you really want to get a smaller apartment before August, and continue housing them despite their inability to contribute?

      Since you love them, My dear apply for a soft LOAN of N150,000 in your organization, settle the rent and continue your life with them.

      You asked a question and you answered it indirectly.

      You love them'blood is thicker than water' LOAN dey o.

      Delete
    9. My rent was increased

      Delete
  2. It is well dear. Pls talk to them and if they don’t want to pay, let them go. You can manage with ur kids. But keep in touch with them from time to time. When they begin to fend for themselves, they will appreciate all that u have been doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na wa oo. Madam u are trying oo. Dnt go and kill urself oo. If u die! God forbid. They will continue their lives.

      Delete
    2. I wonder why people don't like taking responsibility. I honestly feel happy when I am able to take care of stuff. You are living with your sister and you can't chip in when the chips are down? That's so disgraceful to me. You should be more than happy if you have the means and if you don't, hustle. Madam don't break down for people that won't think twice about abandoning your children God forbid anything happens to you. They have to go. It's time sisters start giving tough love honestly.

      Delete
  3. If everybody reveal their financial problems, stella and the internet will not contain it.
    Op, simply pay what you have to the landlady and pay the remaining later when you have it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Those 2 of your siblings are wicked and selfish. If by August they didn't comply, look for a smaller apartment and allow them sort themselves out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They definitely seem selfish and inconsiderate!

      Delete
  5. πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„ coded.

    Send dem away, nothing will happen to your mother. Let them go n live with her if possible. Love them kor, do they love you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cunny man die, cunny man bury am.... Lol


      Please send your adult siblings away if they can't contribute to the rent. Tanchu

      Delete
  6. I am sooo 😠😠😠 reading this. I am not sorry to say this, your siblings are inconsiderate. Must you tell them to contribute? Can't they see it's not easy for you. And they are even keeping malice with you sef! Ah ah!. They don't even feel sorry you, your salary has been reduced, rent increased, you're a single mum with 3kids, and 3 adults to care for. Only you. I think you should kick them out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have a talk with them, tell them the truth! That you can't keep up the financial obligation of caring for everyone. Tell them you're considering moving into a smaller place with your kids. And if they still dont contribute, then let them go! Your mum won't die!!

      And you Bette start sharing the house expenses with them. Stop spoon feeding them for God's sake! God forbid something happens to you cos of stress, they will survive! Your kids are the ones that will suffer. Put your well being and that of your kids first!

      Delete
    2. These are the types toothpaste will finish but they will not buy because they feel their sister should do it because it's her house. They forget they also live there.

      Delete
    3. Why are you sugar coating it please, they are lazy , entitled potatoes. Yes, cos, who sits on their side all day in this country situation?. Hian please send them packing. Diplomatically of course, they are still family, you get.
      Just call a meeting, tell them you can no longer fend for them and ask for their suggestions. You, suggest they go stay in the village for sometime. Your mother is not sick. Get her her meds, check up and she'll be fine.
      Please, teach your kids about sex education. I don't like the sound I'd this home setting.

      Delete
  7. Pls send them to stay with ur mother

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think it be nice you tell them to leave politely cos they are grown ups for starters.Jeez!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree with Stella. Are they children? Why can't they take care of themselves and leave you to take care of your children? Your siblings that you love are very selfish and entitled. Very wrong. You should not be worrying about your siblings but about your children. As it is you are about to loose your home because of them. They can the care of themselves if you are not there. What about your children? Can they? Pls take dressing. This is wrong.

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  10. May this chronicles na format

    ReplyDelete
  11. Send them packing if they refuse to pay Asap

    ReplyDelete
  12. You need to cut costs, refund the 50K to your brother and rent a smaller space for yourself and the children.
    Call them and explain the way things are and why you can't accommodate them again.
    You have tried your best long enough before you break down and no one will even look after your 3 lovelies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Apt response @Twins Squared.

      You can't satisfy your siblings at the expense of your own children. If care isn't taken, you'll kill yourself with HBP then who will take care of your own children?

      Let them go back to your parents who gave birth to them because it isn't your responsibility at all to cater to them.

      This is part of the madness we accommodate in this part of the world!

      Delete
  13. Poster sometimes drastic times calls for drastic actions..My concern is just get a new apartment before your landlady loses her patience..Do it for your children and not for them..They should hustle for their own...I believe when you move to a small place, their head go reset by force..Please your major concern should be those 3 little children, don't allow them to suffer embarassment and suffering I take God beg you..Is their father not bringing upkeep money for you to take care of them..If he is not interested, God will fight for you.Forget about him and focus on your kids and not grown adults..All the best..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Imagine those two keeping malice because you asked them to contribute to the rent
    You've made them believe the whole time that the responsibilities on you is nothing. Pele
    Truth is that they need to leave. You and the kids can share a 2 bedroom apartment which would be easier for you to pay for. Return the 50k you already collected from one of them.

    All this suffer on top salary of 80k! The Lord is your strength dear

    ReplyDelete
  15. I thing I want you to understand is that you can never please human being. Leave the house and let them sort their selves out. If you die today, will they take care of your children?

    ReplyDelete
  16. All these baggage untop 100k monthly salary???😳 How do you cope? 7 of you? Mehn.. You are trying oh 😰


    I don't even know what to say again.. I'm still trying to digest and understand!

    ReplyDelete
  17. There poster,
    Your mother will not die, throw them out if the cannot support with a little rent money. Even if it's 10k(widows mite). Poster that stress will eventually kill you (God forbid) and they will take over your household and turn your kids to their slaves.
    It is good you love them but you're neither helping them or your kids at the moment. Once school resumes now in September you'll have school fees to pay in addition to your 300k.
    I am very sure you fed them too and the house chores as well. What you're doing is not a proof of love or self sacrifice.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ha poster, you must Be a miracle worker, with 100k, feeding 7 mouths ... Has pls I will suggest, go for a smaller apartment , and let them find their way abeg... If anything happen to you, are you convinced you can leave ur kids in their care ...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Make them understand how you feel and the situation of things before taking any decision.
    The three of them should help in paying for the house rent,
    If they are working split the money,let them assist you in paying house rent na wah ooo..
    You cannot carry the whole responsible alone.

    Do you want to die before your time.
    You have your kids to take care.
    Please do the needful

    Let them look for job and assist it..

    ReplyDelete
  20. Your siblings are lazy, mean and wicked to put through this stress. How could grown ass men feel comfortable only taking from someone without feeling ashamed. Send them parking and look for a small apartment and manage with your children.
    look for a man friend, you cannot carry the burden because its too much on you. Nothing will happen to your mother if you send them parking. Dont kill yourself before your time.
    Nonsense

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hmmmmmmmm...If the said siblings are working, they should contribute to the rent..House rent is not an easy something. Just paid mine, have nothing left..Barely able to feed my family.. Just waiting on salary..

    ReplyDelete
  22. The resources and time Nigerians spend to travel abroad can be used for
    good fruitful business venture.
    And this mindset that once they get abroad, this will be alright is sickening.
    Whole 7 years and the monies down the drain? An adult's life scattered. And with that deportation, he cannot enter any country especially in the northern hemisphere.
    This is sad. When will the Nigerian psyche we re-oriented?
    All I can tell this lady is, sit your brothers down and have a talk about the situation you are in. pray and call upon God. If you continue the way you are, and breakdown, that is hospital bills added to your present challenges and
    your kids want to have you alive for their growth. 🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️🀦🏻‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
  23. Send them away jor and get even if it's a room,kitchen and toilet apartment for yourself
    3 grown adult for that matter.
    Mtchwwwwwww. I'm so angry on your behalf

    ReplyDelete
  24. Poster are you a learner? Your 3 children and 3 siblings plus yourself making 7 and you are responsible for feeding and accommodation HIAN!! PLEASE if they can't support you they should fend for themselves, you are putting unnecessary pressure and burden on yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Your rent was increased to 300k and you still want to collect a smaller apartment for that amount? If you want Stella to help you financially why not contact her P.A, this story get kleg and if it's true, you really tried and this is the time to get your acts together and talk to your siblings, they need to help out or leave

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poster, I feel for you. First of all nothing will happen to uour mother. She will not die because you cannot shoulder certain responsibilities especially this time.
    .
    2, Your siblings are adult. You cannot cope with them. You have 3 children and lots of financial burden. My God, How do you feed them all.? Let them move out. They have entitlement mentality already. Don't feel guilty your mother will be alright las las.

    I cannot allow siblings or any relative discomfort me. I used to think like this but since I disallowed my younger siblings into my space, mother has not died. Infact she now understands.
    Please, let them go out and feign for themselves. Everyone should leave their lives. May God provide for you all.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Poster God will come through for you. I would advise that you still talk to them about the money if they refuse then you ask them to lend you the money to sort out out rent this year. Then plan to relocate to smaller apartment and also inform them about your decision and reasons for that. Don't kill yourself. And pray to God to help you out. It is well with you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. You spoiled them. I no fit allow adults who are over 20yrs to be living with me without working and caring for themselves, except they are still in school. pls move to a smaller house that you can afford. make everyone find him square root. The one who brot 50k can use it to get a room for himself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. With that his 50k, he should add something and rent a room. Poster is spoiling them in the name of helping them. That's not how to help people. They need to start life and grow

      Delete
  29. Why do i feel like i've read a similar chronicleπŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„ poster you have been paying single handedly,keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You are biting more than you can chew. You are running more than your strength. Feeding and housing seven persons out of 100k or 80k salary is too much of a burden. You need to unburden yourself. Let them go fend for themselves. I am sorry about your mum's condition but as it is, your hands are tied. God forbid you drop dead today will they not survive?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Like Stella said you need serious flogging, how long do you want to keep dragging 3 adults with your own baggage. Please if you don't want to give up suddenly (God forbid) let your siblings go out and look for a job (they should be responsible for themselves) so you can have time to care for yourself and children.

    Your mother won't die - your siblings have obligations too to take care of her as well - no be only you she born. Stop all these emotional whatever before you drain yourself out.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Give them an ultimatum of either bring the rest or they should move out.
    You can't be enabling laziness all in the name of Family, you carrying their responsibility is what is making them lazy and nonchalant.

    Protect yourself and children, let them pay up or let them Go.

    LEP😏

    ReplyDelete
  33. I still remember that chronicle of the Igbo lady whose fiance wanted her to resign! The reason it still sticks with me is not because of what she needed advice on, but because she said at the age of 21/22, she was taking care of her entire family! 10 people! 2 parents, herself and her 7 siblings!

    This thing is too common in Nigeria! ahhbaa!!

    The same parents who could not give their children the basic necessities in life (adequate shelter, balanced meals, quality education, clothing and stability) are the same parents who expect the eldest child to take care of everyone the moment they are done with school!! School that sometimes takes longer to complete because the child has to work part-time or often has to sit out some semesters due to a lack of funds!

    I am sorry to deviate from advising the @poster, but this sh*t gets on my nerves!

    The worst is when the parents starts comparing their kid/s to others!

    ReplyDelete
  34. You could suggest to them to rent an apartment 3 of them can stay together. Tell them you are downsizing. If they are considerate they should understand.

    ReplyDelete
  35. This is almost me only that we live in our own house, I, my hubby, my mum Inlaw, my hubby 2 cousin sisters, my hubby younger brother and my niece are all living together in our house. They all came from the village and refused to go back. Guess what, am the one carrying the whole responsibility since April bcx Hubby's business is affected by this pandemic and he can provide for the house presently.
    Yesterday hubby was telling me one of his younger brother and older sister want to come from village to come and celebrate Sallah with us and also seize the opportunity to see their mum bcs they have miss her a lot. I let him finish the tale by moonlight story and blatantly refuse that no more visitors in my house for now until his mum, junior brother and his two cousins leave. I even told him to cucuma bring his entire village to the city. I am piss off whenever I see them wasting the food I used my hard earn money bought. Every week, I spend nothing less than 15K to buy food stuff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you have kids better watch them like a hawk to avoid molestation stories

      Delete
    2. Hahahaha they are missing dere mother...as dem be babies? is it breast milk they want to come and collect from her.
      Thank God u put ur foot down..as for me not more dan 1/2 ppl at once can come and stay in my house. If u want to come d first set have to leave first o.
      Things are not easy,feeding 4 grown relatives isnt easy. Ur trying biko


      Delete
    3. You're not smart at all. Get the cousin sisters as your accountants, give them 10k for the week and ask them to buy what it can buy , if e finish make una drink water. Get golden morn and milk in your room for the kids. Haaa.

      Delete
    4. That your husband is selfish and wicked! Wetin happen?!

      Delete
  36. What will people say has put a lot of people in bondage and even to their untimely death.Dear Poster,for you and your children's sake,you need to toughen up and put you and your kids first,assist them in any way you can and leave the rest.God forbid,if anything happens to you tomorrow,life will go on,sending you love and light.

    ReplyDelete
  37. The lord will come through for you, I like it when an older sibling take good care of their siblings, but ma, you've tried your best for them, its time to live for you and the kids, the money you're making can barely feed your immediate family,call them and spell it out please before they will use stress and kill you too,nobody will take care of your kids o, please if you can ,look for a side hustle you can be doing,to better your live and that of your kids, let your siblings hustle for themselves too.the Lord is your strength

    ReplyDelete
  38. In my family na all man for himself o, the successful ones will only call you whenever they want to oppress or brag, ask for small help, fiam they off phone

    ReplyDelete
  39. How did you get your 3 siblings to come stay with you? Was it that they were there before your husband left you or after? Are they not the ones that should be helping you financually and otherwise now that you are a single mother of 3 on a 100k salary? Please tell all of them to go and look for accommodation that you cannot do again for now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sure say nor be this kine family responsibility chase the man away? Madam, better give yourself sense and stop forming superwoman.
      Same thing happened to my kids former lesson teacher. She and her husband and child managing life inside one self-contain in Surulere. Small thing her mama, younger bother and younger sister moved in with them. Before you say jack, the younger sister got pregnant and gave birth inside that same place. She came complaining to me and I gave her my candid opinion which she refused to take. Brethren, one day, the guyman left for the village by the time he returned after Christmas, he never went back to that house and that was the end of the marriage. She doesn't even know where the guy is presently. I pity her.

      Delete
  40. You got what you deserve yes I said so.Which sane siblings pack to stay with a single mum with three kids my goodness.No wonder Bp is on the increase.Your type like to please people and displease theirselves to be called good.Stand your foot.Help them with the little you can but they must no live with you.You still love your husband madam I dont want be harsh on you please dont be stupid.This is a major character flaw that will lead to an early grave.I earn almost same with you and cannot do half of that abi your money the multiply.Stand up and be reasonable and mama is not dying anything is you that will rather slump one day due to financial stress.

    ReplyDelete
  41. It's obvious why your husband left and never looked back. You don't like yourself. Perhaps you carried your siblings expenses against that of your immediate family and then brought all your siblings while the two of you were still together. Guy man saw it on time and disappeared, he doesn't want to die before his time.


    Help your family members especially siblings (outside parents) in such a way that they are not dependent on you, such that they can still survive without you. God forbid, what if you drop dead, what do you think will happen.

    Continue spoon feeding them,they will throw all of you out and your eyes will clear.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Your chronicles is incomplete poster. Are your siblings working? Who takes care of your kids when you are at work etc. Isn't it them? If they are working they should pay or move back to the village. Encourage them to start a small business if they are idle and task everyone for a monthly contribution afterwards. As for your rent, by my calculation you have 200k in hand, give it to your landlord and draw up a payment plan with him/her. The economy is hard and everyone is aware, if you pay 20k monthly in 5 months you will be done with the payment. You can manage the 60K for your kids alone while looking for a higher paying job. Start a side hustle too so you can have some income, even if you are making 20k from it monthly, that can be used to save rent. Don't give yourself hypertension, you can open a page on Instagram and start cooking for people on the weekend or baking. You don't need much capital to start it,anyone that is not contributing should leave your house.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Poster, if you lose your job tomorrow, those siblings of yours will gather money to rent their own apartment and they will not accept you and your children to live with them. You want to bet?

    Your mother's life or death is not dependent on whether your siblings stay with you or not. Fact!!!

    Think about your children first. I don't support carrying the financial burdens of grown adults. Imagine people that have been eating your money for free for years keeping malice because you asked them to contribute for the family's upkeep. Tomorrow, they will go outside and spoil your name that you didn't do anything for them. They will not tell people what you have done for them o.

    I hate the Nigerian parents way of manipulating their firstborns, especially the daughters.

    ReplyDelete
  44. @poster - I don't know what you really want from us. You don't want to let them go b/c this will kill your Mom.....it's as if you already have all these planned in your head and then you don't have rent to pay neither are your two siblings contributing financially, and smaller apartment still costs higher.... then just wait until your landlady throws you out then you'll know that both your Mom and siblings have plan B.

    I do not know where it is written that a lady 'takes care' of her grown siblings despite the heavy load she's carrying. Why should your siblings be your responsibility when you have no help from your hubby? You cannot even take care of your 3 children let alone grown adults.

    Now, talking of dating/trusting another man - who do you think will start taking full responsibility of another man's THREE children when the man is still alive and healthy and it seems you're not even divorced?

    See, many people financial burdens but they plan their lives to suit them as well as balance other things. You should not allow your siblings and even situations push you to HBP - life is too short to live in misery, biko. I suggest you quickly find a smaller apartment (mini-flat) and compel your 2 siblings to contribute their quota or leave AND NO YOUR MOM WON'T DIE then move in. You must sit your 3 siblings down and share ALL bills among 4 of you and whoever opposes should go back to their father's house.

    Pls shed all unnecessary burdens and cut your coat according to your cloth and see your life move smoothly. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Please take the advice of Saphire,you can't continue to take care adults.
    Let them get something doing to support the house.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Dear poster God is your strength

    ReplyDelete
  47. Poster don't kill yourself for your siblings, sit them down and explain things to them. Let them know what is on ground. Stop pretending that all is well open up to them, if they are working and cannot contribute in the house, abeg tell them to shift.. I cannot come and die for another person load when I have not finish carrying my load.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Madam u r confused as u say then go work on ur mental health!
    U seem to be greedy too. How can u consider living in apartment u can’t afford? Don’t u think it’s best to carry ur siblings back to the village?
    Don’t u consider moving back to the village urself if ur economic efforts in the city is not accomplished?

    My advice is CUT UR COAT ACCORDING TO UR SIZE

    ReplyDelete

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